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BS: This not a joke. Real problem

GUEST,VaTam holding her nose 10 Nov 12 - 01:31 AM
Amos 10 Nov 12 - 02:00 AM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 10 Nov 12 - 02:14 AM
Manitas_at_home 10 Nov 12 - 03:08 AM
GUEST,Backwoodsman sans Cookie 10 Nov 12 - 03:16 AM
John MacKenzie 10 Nov 12 - 03:48 AM
GUEST,Eliza 10 Nov 12 - 06:15 AM
bobad 10 Nov 12 - 06:38 AM
GUEST,999 10 Nov 12 - 07:01 AM
Jim Dixon 10 Nov 12 - 09:04 AM
GUEST,Grishka 10 Nov 12 - 09:12 AM
EBarnacle 10 Nov 12 - 09:16 AM
GUEST,VaTam on her Tab 10 Nov 12 - 11:53 AM
Rapparee 10 Nov 12 - 12:04 PM
GUEST,Stim 10 Nov 12 - 12:32 PM
GUEST,Eliza 10 Nov 12 - 12:40 PM
GUEST,sturgeon 10 Nov 12 - 12:51 PM
gnu 10 Nov 12 - 01:29 PM
Little Hawk 10 Nov 12 - 01:34 PM
Henry Krinkle 10 Nov 12 - 01:35 PM
GUEST 10 Nov 12 - 01:44 PM
Little Hawk 10 Nov 12 - 01:47 PM
GUEST,VaTam on her Tab 10 Nov 12 - 01:53 PM
GUEST 10 Nov 12 - 02:00 PM
Henry Krinkle 10 Nov 12 - 02:06 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 10 Nov 12 - 02:10 PM
VirginiaTam 10 Nov 12 - 02:17 PM
GUEST 10 Nov 12 - 03:22 PM
Rapparee 10 Nov 12 - 03:31 PM
GUEST,Eliza 10 Nov 12 - 06:11 PM
GUEST,mg 10 Nov 12 - 06:15 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 10 Nov 12 - 08:43 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 10 Nov 12 - 09:30 PM
Stilly River Sage 11 Nov 12 - 01:19 AM
GUEST,Eliza 11 Nov 12 - 04:22 AM
Henry Krinkle 11 Nov 12 - 04:53 AM
Mo the caller 11 Nov 12 - 05:15 AM
John MacKenzie 11 Nov 12 - 08:55 AM
Irene M 11 Nov 12 - 01:05 PM
topical tom 11 Nov 12 - 01:27 PM
Little Hawk 11 Nov 12 - 04:15 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 11 Nov 12 - 04:33 PM
Rusty Dobro 11 Nov 12 - 04:42 PM
Charley Noble 11 Nov 12 - 04:48 PM
GUEST,Grishka 11 Nov 12 - 04:53 PM
Jeri 11 Nov 12 - 05:06 PM
Ed T 11 Nov 12 - 07:11 PM
gnu 11 Nov 12 - 08:58 PM
Mrrzy 11 Nov 12 - 09:23 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 11 Nov 12 - 09:40 PM
GUEST,Stim 12 Nov 12 - 02:11 AM
GUEST,Eliza 12 Nov 12 - 06:26 AM
GUEST,VaTam on her Tab 12 Nov 12 - 09:01 AM
John MacKenzie 12 Nov 12 - 09:11 AM
GUEST,VaTam on her Tab 12 Nov 12 - 11:21 AM
Little Hawk 12 Nov 12 - 11:26 AM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 12 Nov 12 - 11:30 AM
Henry Krinkle 12 Nov 12 - 12:07 PM
Jim Dixon 12 Nov 12 - 12:29 PM
Henry Krinkle 12 Nov 12 - 12:33 PM
Charmion 12 Nov 12 - 12:34 PM
GUEST 12 Nov 12 - 12:45 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 12 Nov 12 - 12:59 PM
Jim Dixon 12 Nov 12 - 01:14 PM
John MacKenzie 12 Nov 12 - 01:16 PM
VirginiaTam 12 Nov 12 - 02:18 PM
John MacKenzie 12 Nov 12 - 02:32 PM
Megan L 12 Nov 12 - 02:36 PM
Henry Krinkle 12 Nov 12 - 02:49 PM
frogprince 12 Nov 12 - 02:57 PM
GUEST,999 12 Nov 12 - 03:22 PM
Ed T 12 Nov 12 - 03:29 PM
Henry Krinkle 12 Nov 12 - 03:34 PM
gnu 12 Nov 12 - 03:55 PM
meself 12 Nov 12 - 04:05 PM
GUEST 12 Nov 12 - 05:07 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 12 Nov 12 - 05:51 PM
GUEST,Stim 12 Nov 12 - 06:22 PM
gnu 12 Nov 12 - 06:36 PM
Ed T 12 Nov 12 - 06:52 PM
Ed T 12 Nov 12 - 06:58 PM
gnu 12 Nov 12 - 07:19 PM
Ed T 12 Nov 12 - 07:34 PM
Ed T 12 Nov 12 - 07:43 PM
Ed T 12 Nov 12 - 07:47 PM
gnu 12 Nov 12 - 08:13 PM
gnu 12 Nov 12 - 08:26 PM
Ed T 12 Nov 12 - 09:45 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 12 Nov 12 - 09:59 PM
EBarnacle 12 Nov 12 - 10:32 PM
Stilly River Sage 12 Nov 12 - 11:13 PM
Sandra in Sydney 13 Nov 12 - 04:45 AM
GUEST,VaTam on her Tab 13 Nov 12 - 07:37 AM
Henry Krinkle 13 Nov 12 - 07:40 AM
Donuel 13 Nov 12 - 08:12 AM
John MacKenzie 13 Nov 12 - 08:32 AM
GUEST,Grishka 13 Nov 12 - 10:15 AM
GUEST,999 13 Nov 12 - 10:47 AM
GUEST,olddude 13 Nov 12 - 11:07 AM
John MacKenzie 13 Nov 12 - 11:17 AM
GUEST,Daily Mail reader aged 95 13 Nov 12 - 11:30 AM
Donuel 13 Nov 12 - 11:46 AM
VirginiaTam 13 Nov 12 - 01:01 PM
John MacKenzie 13 Nov 12 - 01:03 PM
Lizzie Cornish 1 13 Nov 12 - 01:43 PM
Don Firth 13 Nov 12 - 02:12 PM
Ed T 13 Nov 12 - 03:51 PM
GUEST 13 Nov 12 - 05:32 PM
Henry Krinkle 13 Nov 12 - 06:35 PM
Henry Krinkle 13 Nov 12 - 07:08 PM
Bert 13 Nov 12 - 09:47 PM
Mrrzy 13 Nov 12 - 10:03 PM
Gibb Sahib 13 Nov 12 - 10:52 PM
Henry Krinkle 13 Nov 12 - 11:01 PM
Don Firth 13 Nov 12 - 11:10 PM
GUEST,Eliza 14 Nov 12 - 03:44 AM
Henry Krinkle 14 Nov 12 - 04:06 AM
GUEST,CS 14 Nov 12 - 05:24 AM
GUEST,Eliza 14 Nov 12 - 06:11 AM
MGM·Lion 14 Nov 12 - 06:16 AM
MGM·Lion 14 Nov 12 - 06:33 AM
Henry Krinkle 14 Nov 12 - 06:55 AM
Will Fly 14 Nov 12 - 07:26 AM
Henry Krinkle 14 Nov 12 - 07:56 AM
GUEST,Grishka 14 Nov 12 - 01:31 PM
Don Firth 14 Nov 12 - 01:53 PM
GUEST,Stim 14 Nov 12 - 08:01 PM
GUEST,VaTam on her Tab 15 Nov 12 - 01:45 AM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 15 Nov 12 - 01:48 AM
Bert 15 Nov 12 - 04:51 AM
GUEST,Grishka 16 Nov 12 - 06:50 PM
Janie 16 Nov 12 - 07:33 PM
frogprince 16 Nov 12 - 08:07 PM
GUEST,Grishka 17 Nov 12 - 05:03 PM
Dave'sWife 17 Nov 12 - 05:54 PM
LadyJean 17 Nov 12 - 08:27 PM
Henry Krinkle 18 Nov 12 - 05:26 AM
GUEST,Eliza 18 Nov 12 - 05:29 AM
John MacKenzie 18 Nov 12 - 09:10 AM
GUEST,Grishka 18 Nov 12 - 03:12 PM
VirginiaTam 19 Nov 12 - 03:11 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 19 Nov 12 - 03:21 PM
VirginiaTam 19 Nov 12 - 05:31 PM
meself 19 Nov 12 - 06:22 PM
GUEST,skivee, guesting in 19 Nov 12 - 11:25 PM
GUEST,Stim 19 Nov 12 - 11:56 PM
GUEST,Eliza 20 Nov 12 - 02:15 AM
GUEST,VaTam on her Tab 20 Nov 12 - 07:31 AM
meself 20 Nov 12 - 10:13 AM

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Subject: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,VaTam holding her nose
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 01:31 AM

Last week a package was left us by courier for resident in flat across the hall. He has not called to collect and not answered his door every night since.

About two time size of basketball, poorly wrapped in what appears to be Asian gift wrap. It has come some distance given the parcel labels stuck sll over it.

Last night it started stink. No. I don't mean started. It was fully blown, rotting flesh and weird chemical smell. We immediately put the package outside his door. I sprayed entire flat and vestibule between our respective front doors with Febreze. However I can still smell it and have been wretching and gagging all night.

Plan today to double bag it, open door to vestbule and first landing window and all of our own windows.

Should I call the police. This just goes beyond the pale.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: Amos
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 02:00 AM

You can call the police. It's a public nuisance.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 02:14 AM

Why not?...We pay them, don't we?

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: Manitas_at_home
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 03:08 AM

Is the neighbour ok?


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,Backwoodsman sans Cookie
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 03:16 AM

VaTam, are you still living in the UK? If so, you could try the Public Health Dept. at your local council office. But it's possible your neighbour is lying inside the flat, sick or worse, in which case it will be a police job to break in to the flat. I'd try both the PH Dept. and the police - I wouldn't be happy to dispose of the parcel myself.
Usual disclaimers........IMHO, YMMV.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 03:48 AM

Public Health immediately


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 06:15 AM

I'd call the Police and explain that there are two issues: the gentleman not answering his door and the very suspect package. They will surely either come themselves or advise you what should be done. Dreadful for you, and very worrying.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: bobad
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 06:38 AM

It might be that he has been sent a durian

"The edible flesh emits a distinctive odour, that is strong and penetrating even when the husk is intact. Some people regard the durian as pleasantly fragrant; others find the aroma overpowering and revolting. The smell evokes reactions from deep appreciation to intense disgust, and has been described variously as almonds, rotten onions, turpentine, and gym socks. The odour has led to the fruit's banishment from certain hotels and public transportation in southeast Asia."

It's odour has also been likened to that of rotting flesh.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,999
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 07:01 AM

Call the cops.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 09:04 AM

Yes, and please keep us informed about the result!


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 09:12 AM

... and don't forget to tell us the end of the story.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: EBarnacle
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 09:16 AM

I hope that it is a durian and that the neighbor has simply been away.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,VaTam on her Tab
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 11:53 AM

Been away today and on way back home dreading it. We double baggd the offending item and liberay applied neutradol. If it is still there I will call police. If they choose not to attend a letter will be sent to flat management and copied to resident snd the thing will be disarded in bin. I annt spend another night like last night.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 12:04 PM

It's probably a haggis. They're forbidden by the British "Official Diet Act."

Call the cops, let them deal with it. Sounds like a job for hazmat teams.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,Stim
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 12:32 PM

Was the package delivered by mail, or was it delivered by one of the package services? You should contact whoever delivered it and make them come and get it--they were, after all, contracted to the sender to deliver it to your neighbor.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 12:40 PM

How dare you Rapparee! Haggises (is that the plural, or is it haggae?) are delicious and never smell like that. You'll have all the Scots coming after you waving their claymores (or whatever else it is they wave!)


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,sturgeon
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 12:51 PM

UK local authorities don't have Public Health departments. Try Environmental Health instead.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: gnu
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 01:29 PM

The plural of haggis is way too many.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 01:34 PM

One haggis is a serious problem. Two or more haggis(es?) is a major disaster! But this could be a durian, because haggis is very rare in Asia. On the other hand, it could be something a lot worse than a durian. I won't advise you what to do, because you've had plenty enough advice already.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: Henry Krinkle
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 01:35 PM

Open the damned thing. We all want to know and don't want to wait for the po-po.
You can bust into your neighbors home too. He might be dead. The woman I live with's daughter's neighbor died. She called the po-po and they told her to go on in and make sure he was really dead. They didn't want to be bothered. She went in and saw him all purply. Heroin O.D. I think. T.V. was still on.
=(:-( O)


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 01:44 PM

More to the point, can you smell anything unpleasant emanating from under your neighbours flat door ?


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 01:47 PM

Yuck! Most of us don't really want to deal with something like that. We'd much rather let the police do it. Now, if Chongo was confronted with this problem, he'd definitely bust down the guy's door and see if he was there. If not, he'd put the package inside the guy's fridge, reseal the door, and just "fageddaboudit"...or maybe he'd call the cops about it.

But that's Chongo. He tends toward action.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,VaTam on her Tab
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 01:53 PM

Package is still there. TheSilentOne told me it was from Germany, not Asia. I never got near enough to chek parcel labels. Delivered by private courier.   Smell in vestibule has been neutralised. Not so much in flat, so all windows open. I don't care how cold it is. Tomorrow supposed to be nice so as much as I can hang on lines out in fresh air and sun I will do. The coats that are hanging in our front hall first, then the bedding and pillows.

There is a note on the bag that states parcel for flat (#). I am going to put an additional note on bag explaining that it should not be opened indoors as it smells as if something is rotten inside the parcel. If still there when we get home from work Monday, I will call the police.

The resident of that flat has title of Dr. And I know he travels quite a lot.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 02:00 PM

A basketball is about the size of a human head, right ?

"About two time size of basketball"

2 ???


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: Henry Krinkle
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 02:06 PM

Two heads are better than one.
=(:-( D)


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 02:10 PM

I would have a hard time not wantin' to find out what was in that package. We Chimps are very curious. Still, the bad smell would be a definite problem. I think what I would do is pay a Baboon to take that package over to the park or some back alley, and open it to find out what's in there, then tell me. Baboons will do just about anything for a few bucks.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 02:17 PM

Cordially inviting Mr. Chongo Chimp and one of his baboon lackeys to come for a visit. Hope you both like tea.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 03:22 PM

"UK local authorities don't have Public Health departments. Try Environmental Health instead."

Nobody likes a clever shit. They used to be called 'Public Health' - I know because my ex-wife worked in one. And everybody here knew what we meant by 'Public Health'.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 03:31 PM

Suppose it is something your neighbor was expecting. He went away, it was delivered, and now it's rotting and causing a health hazard. Call the cops.

Suppose it is something your neighbor was not expecting -- say a gift package of leberwurst or blutwurst. It was delivered and now it's rotting and causing a health hazard. Let the cops deal with it.

I hope you're getting my drift here....


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 06:11 PM

This sounds horribly like the start of a horror film. 'The Head in The Bag' (or 'Two Heads In The Bag' as it's twice the size of a basketball) or 'The Phantom Stench'. Like many others, I'm very curious to know WHAT is in that bag.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,mg
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 06:15 PM

Here our major delivery services insist on a phone number for sender and recipient..are there phone numbers if you want to check? Or it could be mischief of some sort so you might not want to call...


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 08:43 PM

I was talkin' to LH a few minutes ago. He said you should just re-address that package and send it on to Stephen Harper, the prime minister of Canada, at 24 Sussex Drive in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. I guess he don't like Harper all that much for some reason.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 10 Nov 12 - 09:30 PM

Carefully pick it up...carry it to your pressure cooker..and make stew. If it doesn't taste too good, give it to your mother-in-law!

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Nov 12 - 01:19 AM

Now that's out of left field!

What are the postal laws in the UK? If it was delivered and never picked up by the owner it seems to me you could ask the postal authorities to pick it up because it wasn't deliverable. A shipping company night not be willing, but a post office might be obligated to pick it up.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 11 Nov 12 - 04:22 AM

Environmental Health dept is closed at the weekend, (unless it's an emergency such as a chemical spill etc) so presumably you'd need to wait until tomorrow (Mon) before contacting them. Even if you decided to just chuck it in the nearest bin, it could constitute a health risk, depending on what it contains. If it's come from abroad, I'm surprised Customs and Excise allowed it through if it contains dodgy stuff. There should be a Customs slip stuck to it, stating what the contents are. If there isn't, I'd get in touch with the Old Bill.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: Henry Krinkle
Date: 11 Nov 12 - 04:53 AM

Throw a What's In The Package party like the one we're having here. Someone will know.
=(:-( P)


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: Mo the caller
Date: 11 Nov 12 - 05:15 AM

Reminds me of a short story by Jerome K Jerome(the author of 3 men in a boat), about a cheese.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 11 Nov 12 - 08:55 AM

Pass the parcel?


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: Irene M
Date: 11 Nov 12 - 01:05 PM

Jeeze. I really hope we find out what this is.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: topical tom
Date: 11 Nov 12 - 01:27 PM

This is obviously a matter for the police and Public Health. Please keep us informed as to what it is. In the meantime, stay away from it!


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Nov 12 - 04:15 PM

The suspense is killing us, Va Tam! You MUST find out what is in that package.


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 11 Nov 12 - 04:33 PM

Stilly River Sage: "Now that's out of left field!"



"Now that's out of left field!Love me love me love me I'm a liberal..." Ochs

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 11 Nov 12 - 04:42 PM

Send it to Australia for Nadine Dorries to eat.......


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: Charley Noble
Date: 11 Nov 12 - 04:48 PM

Remember what happened when Pandora's Box was opened...

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 11 Nov 12 - 04:53 PM

My dear Watson, let us tackle this systematically. We need the following information:
  • Do the labels specify a full sender address in Germany?
  • If so, from a private person or a company?
  • If it is from a company, does it specify or suggest a branch, e.g. Asian food?
  • What do the other labels say?
  • In what way does the bag look Asian? Modern or traditional? What country or area of Asia?
  • Is the addressee a medical doctor? Do you know anything about his profession or occupation?
  • What shape is "About two time size of basketball"? One on top of the other, or side-by-side?
  • If one of the heads is the Doctor's, whose could the other be?
  • Is there any connection to stuffed two-headed calves, allegedly on display in German museums?
  • Does the Doctor look old enough to have some wartime connection to Germany? Bomber pilot? POW or warden of POWs?
  • Could he be Doktor Mabuse?
  • Please tell us every detail, however seemingly unimportant. The Mudcat MasterMinds will solve the case swiftly and elementarily.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Jeri
    Date: 11 Nov 12 - 05:06 PM

    I don't know how things work in Great Britain, but...
    I'd assume if Environmental Health got invovled, they'd have to contact the police to get into the person's flat. I don't know if they can open other people's mail, but neighbors certainly aren't supposed to.

    Shipping perishable food products such as stinky-melon or Sardinian maggot cheese from one country to another without going through customs isn't supposed to happen.

    I'd be more concerned about whether the neighbor is OK. I also hope we learn how this turns out.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Ed T
    Date: 11 Nov 12 - 07:11 PM

    A regiftting idea for Mudcat Secret Santa?

    I'd wager a few Mud-folks could suggest of a few Mudcaters to whom it could be reposted :)


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: gnu
    Date: 11 Nov 12 - 08:58 PM

    I am not a curious type. I ingnore most anything that others find curious simply because I just don't feel the urge. BUT, I am on the edge of my seat on this one.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Mrrzy
    Date: 11 Nov 12 - 09:23 PM

    hee hee hee wretching...

    And beyond the pale! Barf INTO the pail, not beyond it!

    Sorry. Dying to know contents.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
    Date: 11 Nov 12 - 09:40 PM

    Geezus! The Earth just shook here. Major tremor. What the hell could it have been?

    Oh, wait. I think I know. Gnu just fell off the edge of his seat.

    ;-D Ook! Ook!

    - Chongo


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Stim
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 02:11 AM

    This actually seems like a bit of an emergency. Obviously, something is rapidly rotting or spoiling, which can mean maggots, flammable gasses, bacteria and such things. Better dealt with sooner than later.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Eliza
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 06:26 AM

    Not wishing to alarm you VaTam, but 'foreign' organic stuff ag plants or food, especially when decomposed, can hatch all sorts of nasty bacilli and bacteria. Please ask the 'professionals' to come and remove it.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,VaTam on her Tab
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 09:01 AM

    Local authority envrionmental health has bee emailed with the particulars. Directed to environmental health for my town. They took report over phone and recommended I call police if package still there whe we get home tonight.

    I have no urge to know what the parcel contains. Sorry to disappoint but mudcat may never know.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: John MacKenzie
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 09:11 AM

    If it's somebody's head, they'll let you know for sure ;)


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,VaTam on her Tab
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 11:21 AM

    No heavy enough to be a head, John. Not even as heavy as a basketball.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Little Hawk
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 11:26 AM

    Ah. Well, that's a relief.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 11:30 AM

    "VaTam on her Tab "No heavy enough to be a head, John. Not even as heavy as a basketball."

    Maybe it is a head of one of our resident Mudcat airheads!

    GfS


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Henry Krinkle
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 12:07 PM

    Shrunken and dried they don't weigh so much.
    =(:-( ))


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Jim Dixon
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 12:29 PM

    Shrunken and dried, it wouldn't create such a bad smell.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Henry Krinkle
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 12:33 PM

    If they got wet.......
    =(:-( o)


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Charmion
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 12:34 PM

    That depends on the nature and quality of its owner's thinking.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 12:45 PM

    Is the Dr, a zoological scientist ?

    Elephant testicles ???


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 12:59 PM

    Jim Dixon: "Shrunken and dried, it wouldn't create such a bad smell."

    Hmmm..ya' think poop still stinks if it was shrunken and dried?
    How about opinions? Politics? Religious dogma? Stink-horn mushrooms?
    ...Your old knickers?

    GfS


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Jim Dixon
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 01:14 PM

    I have seen plenty of shrunken and dried things that ought to have smelled, if they were fresh, but didn't.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: John MacKenzie
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 01:16 PM

    Nothing wrong with wet head.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: VirginiaTam
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 02:18 PM

    I knew this thread would devolve into obscenity. I just didn't think it would be so soon.

    Police called, maybe someone will come out.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: John MacKenzie
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 02:32 PM

    I think it's a tribute to our powers of recall.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Megan L
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 02:36 PM

    Well I just hope nothing has happened to the occupant of the flat imagine if he or she was in there dead and no one bothered to find out


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Henry Krinkle
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 02:49 PM

    It happens. Especially to movie stars. Die and mummify in their apartments.
    =(:-( ))


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: frogprince
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 02:57 PM

    Then there's Clint Eastwood. Being dried and mummified didn't stop him from speaking at the Repub convention.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,999
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 03:22 PM

    "Well I just hope nothing has happened to the occupant of the flat imagine if he or she was in there dead and no one bothered to find out"

    The neighbours, all of them, would be complaining about odour and by now, flies.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Ed T
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 03:29 PM

    IMO, the original scenariob was mis-titled, as it seems more like a dilemma, than a "real problem"? This was likely a reason why the discussion evolved towards a humourous note.

    The way I see it, problems can be solved (call the police, or throw the nasty thing out). Dilemmas need more thoughtful management, as they involve a personal ethical issue - the nasty smelly package was entrusted to me to take care of and pass on to a neighbour, shall I betray this trust?

    Oh well. By calling the police, it ended up being a problem that will likely be solved in one manner or another, most likely with few negative consequences.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Henry Krinkle
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 03:34 PM

    That's what happened to my housemate's daughter. Got to stinking so bad she called the cops. They told her to go in and check. So she did. Purply dead guy.
    =(:-( O)


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: gnu
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 03:55 PM

    John... but, if it's a shruken? The head, I mean.

    VTam... I knew this thread would devolve into obscenity. I just didn't think it would be so late.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: meself
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 04:05 PM

    Wait - did she call the cops to deal with the package in the hallway or with the obscenity on the thread?

    Sign me,
    Confused


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 05:07 PM

    Dear Confused,

    I feel your pain.

    Signed,
    Equally confused


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 05:51 PM

    gnu, ..still chuckling...that was clever..if I do say.

    Tension fills the room...you could hear a pin drop...high strung anxious anticipation was so thick you could taste it...so heavy you couldn't walk through it without scraping yourself...all waiting ...for.......................................the source!!!

    GfS


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Stim
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 06:22 PM

    Out of shear desperation, I started to think about what a reasonable response to this situation would have been.

    It came to me that when the package arrived, or almost anytime thereafter, it would have been perfectly reasonable to simple call the neighbor and say, "Hey,your package was delivered to me, What should I do with it?"

    Of course, posting a note on an internet forum to the effect that a disturbing and mysterious package which smelled of rotting flesh and was large enough to contain a human, was delivered to you, and at the same time conveying that you had reason to believe the addressee might have met with an unfortunate end--well, that's a close second:-)


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: gnu
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 06:36 PM

    My guess is that the neighbour was murdered by an Asian Couch Surfer who took body parts back to Asia and sent them back to the neighbour's address.

    If you think that's a sick joke, Google "Luka Rocco Magnotta".

    The world is a dangerous place. It's all the people in it.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Ed T
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 06:52 PM

    Keep track of all of this, it may be good material for a segment of "Movie of the Week?"


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Ed T
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 06:58 PM

    You could always send it to this guy? He seems to be asking for it?

    If a package stinks it belongs to me


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: gnu
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 07:19 PM

    Ed... you continuously amaze me by the shit you dig up on the internut! Pun intended. Seriously, does your mind work at warp speed and are u a sped reeder?


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Ed T
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 07:34 PM

    Since it is near USA Thanksgiving, it could be turkey, or turkey meat?
    Just a shot in the dark.

    ""Turkey has a larger than average proportion of methionine and cysteine than other meat - both are sulfur bearing amino-acids that can lead to bad odours. Under closed condition (such as in a closed package) both can lead to a smell much like a fart. If it's originally packed in CO2, it can even worsen the smell"".


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Ed T
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 07:43 PM

    ""does your mind work at warp speed and are u a sped reeder?""

    Both are a bit accurate. :)

    However, I consider myself to have decent abilities to choose the right keywords to quickly find what I seek. It helps to have an interest in bizaar information, that I find in my many internet searches and wonderings - I often bookmark these for future personal interest - and sometimes share them, when appriopriate (or, at times when not appropriate, if I am in a humourous mood.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Ed T
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 07:47 PM

    That does not rule out the possibility that ""the guys packaging turkey meat often fart in the bag before it is sealed""
    :)


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: gnu
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 08:13 PM

    Well, whatever and however, Ed, I find your accumen at finding and posting germain shit and non-shit laudable.

    Or, I coulda just said thanks but I like to butter the bread when it tastes good. Gramma taught me that one.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: gnu
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 08:26 PM

    Oh dear. Just read you last post, Ed. I hope you don't search that.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Ed T
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 09:45 PM

    ""Oh dear. Just read you last post, Ed. I hope you don't search that.""

    Nope, it was just there, in front of me nose.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 09:59 PM

    EdT: "Nope, it was just there, in front of me nose."

    Did it smell??????!!!!!!!!!???????? Tell us...what did it smell like???

    GfS


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: EBarnacle
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 10:32 PM

    The whole aroma thing is a bit Hokie.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Stilly River Sage
    Date: 12 Nov 12 - 11:13 PM

    Since it is near USA Thanksgiving, it could be turkey, or turkey meat?
    Just a shot in the dark.


    Since it has been determined that this package weighs less than a human head (with or without the neck?) then I would guess that it isn't a turkey. Those weight a lot, usually starting at around 12 pounds and up to the mid-20 pounds. A lot, compared to the human head (even with the neck) I would guess.

    This ranks up there as one of the more bizarre threads started at Mudcat.

    SRS


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Sandra in Sydney
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 04:45 AM

    I eagerly await the answer/next installment in the bizarrity

    sandra


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,VaTam on her Tab
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 07:37 AM

    Gentleman's name and look is mid-eastern. When women have visted they were in sari and haed covered with pashmina. So I do not think thanksgiving is an option. Diwali approaches so maybe some goodies from freind or family in Germany.

    Police did not attend last evening.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Henry Krinkle
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 07:40 AM

    A goat's head?
    =(:-( o)


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Donuel
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 08:12 AM

    This has caused me to rethink sending puppies as gifts by courier.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: John MacKenzie
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 08:32 AM

    The obvious answer is to cook them first D. Then vacuum pack.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Grishka
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 10:15 AM

    Virginia, that looks like "Subcontinental", which excludes Turkey. I assume the "Asian gift wrap" refers to the same culture.

    The "doctor" might be an expert of traditional Hindu medicine, which often included parts of animals of endangered species. His agents may have smuggled them overland to Germany, from where they could mail them without fearing customs.

    Or could it be a coup by British anti-Europeans, designed to raise a public outcry for reintroducing customs?


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,999
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 10:47 AM

    "Or could it be a coup by British anti-Europeans, designed to raise a public outcry for reintroducing customs?"

    Likely so. Perhaps this could be added to a Morris thread?


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,olddude
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 11:07 AM

    Well it ain't no damn fruit cake, those things could live at the bottom of the ocean for 12 years and still be editable (of sorts I guess)

    Now my concern is less about the package then the neighbor. I use to deliver papers when I was a kid. Noticed them stacking up at one of my deliveries. The old guy who lived alone passed away from a heart attack. I didn't think to tell anyone cause I was a kid and never thought about dying

    you should call however the cops to check on him and the package


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: John MacKenzie
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 11:17 AM

    It's a bag of green jello!


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Daily Mail reader aged 95
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 11:30 AM

    .. a foreign Dr did you say ?, a foreign parcel ? foul foreign odours ?

    bloody foreigners !!!???

    Bound to be up to no good !!!

    Alert the Home Guard, barricade the doors, issue rifles to the Boy Scouts,..

    We're under attack from dastardly foreign spies and Fifth Columnists !!!!!!!


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Donuel
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 11:46 AM

    Administrator
    please make copy of this thread and send to the CDC.

    It may help them them determine ground zero for the global pandemic plague of 2012.





    thanks for the vacuum pack tip, they look virtually corporate now.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: VirginiaTam
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 01:01 PM

    Whew!

    When we got home, I noticed that window curtains had changed and TV like light coming out of the smaller front bedroom. We were parked directly beneath their windows.

    The bag was still in hall, so I knocked on door. Neighbor was home safe and obviously took my advice not to open bag. He had come in shortly before we got home from work and planned to take the bag to bin.

    When I explained the parcel was gift wrapped, with shipping label from Germany and suggested perhaps it is a Diwali gift? It was like a light bulb coming on.

    He seemed quite happy to throw it away without a look inside. I feel relieved that I don't have to worry about him or it any more.

    Checked phone for messages in case the police called. They did and said that we should call the courier to come and take the package away. As if I would risk opening those bags. So much for support if you fear someone might be making bombs or trafficking illegal goods. Environmental health nor police no good whatever.

    Game is now over, sorry that the curious will never know what the contents are/were. But we did have fun speculating.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: John MacKenzie
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 01:03 PM

    AND the neighbour was all right too.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Lizzie Cornish 1
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 01:43 PM

    Oh, POO!

    You **can't** leave us there, Tam!
    You HAVE to go and unwrap what, or WHO, is in the dustbin!!

    This is better than any novel of Agatha Christie and she'd be rummaging amongst the rubbish right now, whilst typing out her *best* thriller, EVER!


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Don Firth
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 02:12 PM

    We may never know the contents of the package. But as I was reading this, I recalled a song that I heard someone sing about three decades ago. Perhaps--?
    THE BODY IN THE BAG
    (Charles O'Hegarty)

    Our old cat died last night
    Me wife says to bury it out of sight
    But we didn't have a garden;
    We was livin' in a flat
    So what was I to do with the body of a cat,
    Then a big brown paper bag I spied
    I put our old dead kittycat inside.
    And now I'm off down the street with the body in the bag,
    The body in the bag, ta ra ra.

    I went off down the street to have a whisky neat
    And carefully laid my dead cat underneath my seat.
    Then I got down on my hands and knees;
    Went halfway through the town,
    When the barman stops me,
    "Here's your parcel Mr. Brown."
    So I had to thank the silly fool
    And give him half a crown
    For bringing me the body in the bag.

    I threw it in the river but the hero of a play,
    Well he jumped right in after,
    Shouting, "Hip hip hip, hooray!"
    Then he crawled out on the bank
    And he stood there in a pool.
    He said, "I'm really rather wet
    And also rather cool."
    So I had to take me trousers off
    And give 'em to the fool
    For bringing me the body in the bag.

    Well, I crept off down the street as quiet as a mouse
    An' carefully laid me burden on
    The doorstep of a house,
    When the door it was flung open
    And a lady dressed in blue
    said, "Pardonnez-moi monsieur,
    But do you want a room?"
    I said, "Good heavens no, an' I've got
    Something else to do!"
    And skeddaddled with the body in the bag.

    I crept into a garden, feeling very brave,
    And with a pick and shovel I commenced to dig a grave,
    But I got an awful shock when a voice behind me said,
    "You're digging my potatoes!"
    Oh, you could've shot me dead.
    But there I was a-diggin' in his cauliflower bed,
    So I hit him with the body in the bag.

    All at once from in the bag
    There came a plaintive meow
    Say Puss, "I'm dead no longer,
    You needn't bother now.
    You've often heard it said
    That a cat has got nine lives,
    Well, I'm a married Tabby,
    One of Tommy's wives
    And our families they usually come
    In threes, and fours, and fives..."
    But there were seven little bodies in the bag!
    Don Firth


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Ed T
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 03:51 PM

    ""Since it has been determined that this package weighs less than a human head (with or without the neck?) then I would guess that it isn't a turkey""

    ummm, can't say I actually weighed a human head lately??? Or, ever????

    Butttt,

    That does not rule out turkey meat (deli type, or sliced turkey breast)- or even a really small turkey, let's say a "young un", grown specifically for the single man on a light diet:)


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 05:32 PM

    That mysterious Dr has been suspiciously too fast to dispose of the evidence ?

    Anyone who's ever watched "Invasion of the Body Snatchers"
    should be wary of any basket ball sized parcels
    and avoid falling asleep...

    "They're here already! You're next! You're next!"


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Henry Krinkle
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 06:35 PM

    Reminds me of Phil Harris's The Thing:

    While I was walkin' down the beach One bright and sunny day I saw a great big wooden box A-floatin' in the bay I pulled it in and opened it up And much to my surprise Oh, I discovered a... Right before my eyes Oh, I discovered a... Right before my eyes

    I picked it up and ran to town As happy as a king I took it to a guy I knew Who'd buy most anything But this is what he hollered at me As I walked in his shop "Oh, get out of here with that... Before I call a cop" "Oh, get out of here with that... Before I call a cop"

    I turned around and got right out A-runnin' for my life And then I took it home with me To give it to my wife But this is what she hollered at me As I walked in the door "Oh, get out of here with that... And don't come back no more" "Oh, get out of here with that... And don't come back no more"

    [Instrumental Interlude]

    I wandered all around the town Until I chanced to meet A hobo who was lookin' for A handout on the street He said he'd take most any old thing He was a desperate man But when I showed him the... He turned around and ran Oh, when I showed him the... He turned around and ran

    I wandered on for many years A victim of my fate Until one day I came upon St Peter at the gate And when I tried to take it inside He told me where to go Get out of here with that... And take it down below Oh, get out of here with that... And take it down below

    The moral of this story is If you're out on the beach And you should see a great big box And it's within your reach Don't ever stop and open it up That's my advice to you 'Cause you'll never get rid of the... No matter what you do Oh, you'll never get rid of the... No matter what you do


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Henry Krinkle
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 07:08 PM

    Go dig it out of the trash and open it.
    We can't bear the not knowing.....
    =(:-( D)


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Bert
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 09:47 PM

    Weighs less than a human head! Well I guess it could be a Republican head.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Mrrzy
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 10:03 PM

    OK, now, I'm confused.

    Oh, wait - maybe I'm not...


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Gibb Sahib
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 10:52 PM

    hmmm...

    Confusing, your terminology. First you talk about "Asian" gift wrap. By that do you mean "South Asian," as in Pakistani/Indian? When I first read and saw "Asian," I assumed you meant parts further East, and the "chemical" smell made it sound like a durian. They can be shipped frozen (at which time they don't stink)... smell would come as it thaws.

    Then you said the gent has a "mid-eastern" name. What's a mid-eastern name? Arab? Persian? Turkish? But the women wear "sari"... that's Indian dress, not Middle Eastern.

    Diwali is for Hindus... so it seems doubtful that a Hindu would have a "mid-eastern" name.

    Muslims in India and Pakistan celebrate 'Id with sacrifice of/eating of goat. This 'Id holiday was about the date you describe. Kringle's guess of a goat [head] might not be so far off!


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Henry Krinkle
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 11:01 PM

    I'm very observant. Military training and all.
    =(:-( ))


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Don Firth
    Date: 13 Nov 12 - 11:10 PM

    The tune for Phil Harris's "The Thing" is exactly the same as the tune for "The Lincolnshire Poacher."

    Where the ellipses (three dots) are, tap the front of your guitar, or whatever, three times. "Bump-bump-Bump!" Emphasize the first and third tap.

    Thanks for the words, Henry!

    Don Firth

    P. S. I remember that song from when Phil Harris first did it on the radio.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Eliza
    Date: 14 Nov 12 - 03:44 AM

    VTam, just very glad it's no longer a worry for you. It's been very amusing for us all speculating, but at the end of the day it's been you who had to smell it and cope with it! Thank goodness your neighbour is okay and The Thing is now disposed of.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Henry Krinkle
    Date: 14 Nov 12 - 04:06 AM

    He was a great entertainer.
    =(:-( ))


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,CS
    Date: 14 Nov 12 - 05:24 AM

    Years ago, when my mother was living in England a nutty old Aunt from Ireland sent them a home butchered chicken by post.

    She said it had been so badly wrapped, that by the time it arrived there was no paper left, it was just a plucked chicken with a bit of string tied around it to which the label was attached. Days travelling across land and sea to reach them - it stank to high heaven. Amazing that their posty actually delivered the thing.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Eliza
    Date: 14 Nov 12 - 06:11 AM

    West Africans love smelly dried fish. It really pongs and they often try to bring it over on a plane in their hand luggage. By the time it gets here the stench makes your eyes water. Customs usually confiscate it as a health hazard. I've had pupils on trips to France buy stinky Camembert bought at local markets. It turns into liquid and can really hum after the journey on the coach. Their parents usually bin it straight away.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: MGM·Lion
    Date: 14 Nov 12 - 06:16 AM

    Phil Harris's 'The Thing' had a traditional analogue/forerunner, from which I suspect he derived it: ~~ Suffolk song The Farm Servant; similar tho not identical tune, same device of rat-tertat as euphemism for the unmentionable. I learned it from Bert Lloyd; it is on my youtube channel.

    ~M~


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: MGM·Lion
    Date: 14 Nov 12 - 06:33 AM

    According to Roud, Alan Lomax recorded it from Harry Cox of Catfield, Norfolk. Bert, a Suffolk man himself, always maintained its origin as Suffolk.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Henry Krinkle
    Date: 14 Nov 12 - 06:55 AM

    Good to know.
    =(:-( ))


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Will Fly
    Date: 14 Nov 12 - 07:26 AM

    The Lincolnshire Poacher - via an outing to the Carribbean - was also the basis for Sonny Rollins's fabulous composition "St. Thomas". His mother used to sing him the tune - in calypso rhythm - when he was young.

    Try humming the Lincolnshire Poacher with a bit of West Indian swing and - lo and behold - St. Thomas!


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Henry Krinkle
    Date: 14 Nov 12 - 07:56 AM

    I suppose this thread should be moved to music related now.
    =(:-( ))


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Grishka
    Date: 14 Nov 12 - 01:31 PM

    Seconded, Henry. Preferably, make it a SONG CHALLENGE. Admittedly, it is hard to compete with Phil Harris and Charles O'Hegarty, but there must be new ways of songwriting, given today's rich experience with horror movies. The "Body Snatchers" have aged quite a bit as well.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Don Firth
    Date: 14 Nov 12 - 01:53 PM

    Although I haven't heard the song in years, "The Thing" started going through my head like an ear-worm this morning. And I noted that I was a little off in my statement that the tune was "exactly" the same as the tune for "The Lincolnshire Poacher." It is very, very close, but it's not exactly the same.

    It could, however be sung to the same tune and most people wouldn't notice. Just wanted to clear that up.

    As to the package:   I guess we may never find out what was in it. But it did leave those of us with a predilection for writing fiction a good starting point of a whole variety of stories.

    For example, I wonder what Edgar Allan Poe might do with this. . . .

    Don Firth


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Stim
    Date: 14 Nov 12 - 08:01 PM

    Quite disappointed here, VaTam-you could have at least asked your neighbor if he was expecting anything.

    The only good thing that's come of it is that pleasant exchange between Don and Henry. Perhaps I'm just a bit sentimental, with the holidays coming and all, but I was touched by that...


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,VaTam on her Tab
    Date: 15 Nov 12 - 01:45 AM

    Well Stim, p'raps it was a package of good will that was left ignored so long that it soured. I don't have the kind of relationship with my neighbour that I can just ask, what was that thing that set up such a foul reek?


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
    Date: 15 Nov 12 - 01:48 AM

    Jeez...I remember 'The Thing' by Phil Harris, as well. We had it on a 45, and played the shit out of it...we were kids.

    So much for the turd package from hell.

    GfS


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Bert
    Date: 15 Nov 12 - 04:51 AM

    The song in between The Lincolnshire Poacher and The Thing is The Chandler's Wife.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Grishka
    Date: 16 Nov 12 - 06:50 PM

    Here is a possible explanation, for our poets:

    The doctor is a gynaecologist, which explains the mysterious lady visitors who hide their faces in their pashminas. He specializes in preparing daughters of rich Indian families for marriage: matching bridegrooms, resp. mothers-in-law, will demand perfect virginity, on top of an enormous dowry.

    Shortly after one such luxurious marriage, the bride discovers that the abortion had been unsuccessful, though performed under meticulous observation of orthodox Ayurveda practice. Fearing for her life, she swims through the Channel to Germany, to stay with a former schoolmate of hers who runs a curry foodstall. After several months of fever and despair, she has a stillbirth. With her last strength, she wraps the dead fetus with a bag from the foodstall. She addresses the parcel to the Doctor in England, encloses a letter of fervent accusations, and posts it, properly stamped. On her way back from the post office, she collapses dead.

    It turns out that her mother-in-law has long found out her whereabouts, poisoned her curry, and watched her die. She has also read the address on the parcel, and cannot resist sending an email of taunt to the doctor. Panic-stricken, the latter leaves his office immediately, hoping that his neighbour will dispose of the corpus delicti when it starts to smell.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Janie
    Date: 16 Nov 12 - 07:33 PM

    Not fun for you, VaTam, but a most intriguing thread, none-the-less.

    The key to a good life is learning to live with ambivalence and unanswerable questions, and this is a microcosm of that. Can't help but hope you become best friends with your neighbor over time, and, who knows, 5 years from now, the secret will finally be revealed?

    Or maybe never.

    As weird and bizarre as this thread had been, it has been good for Mudcat, and a bit of fun also. Everybody loves a good mystery.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: frogprince
    Date: 16 Nov 12 - 08:07 PM

    Grishka: every so often I find myself laughing my ass off at something I'm sort of ashamed of myself for laughing at. Your post is a really singular example.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Grishka
    Date: 17 Nov 12 - 05:03 PM

    Don't be ashamed, frogprince. Although neither you nor I are British, this thread flies the Union flag, which means British humour. Virginia will know how to take it, now that her "real problem" no longer exists. I would not dare to make jokes at the expense of persons who rightly ask for help.

    BTW, for those who wonder: I know that Germany is not at the other bank of the Channel, but I took poetic license in the noble tradition of Shakespeare's Winter's Tale and Jacques Offenbach's (Meilhac's and Halévy's) Les Brigands.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Dave'sWife
    Date: 17 Nov 12 - 05:54 PM

    Tghis has been quite entertaining but a tad frustrating too. Why did you not simply say that a foreign package was delivered to a neighbor who has not been at home for days and that from the smell you suspect Bioterorism, a Bomb or some kind of Homeland Security risk? Here in the USA, a Hazmat unit would have come in minutes but your poor neighbor would have wound up in GITMO. So much for my idea.

    No, I would have said there was a BIOHAZARD in the hall called the local fire dept, described the odor of a dead body and then left the house.

    I tried to get police to check on a nieghbor I feared dead once and they wouldn't. The guy WAS dead. His dog was barking for 3 days. I worried about the dog. By the time the cop showed up, a neighbor with a key had rescued the dog & left with the dog so the cop came, said "no barking dog and left the body there, not believing it was there. it took us and the neighbor who rescued the dog 2 more days to get the body removed in los angeles in JULY.

    Guy killed himself and left his poor dog locked up with no food or water after a day or so. The poor baby was crying mournfully for 3 days and according to the nighbor would growl at him whenever he tried to use the key. he had to wait until Doggy was so worn out he welcomed intervention to rescue him.

    Good news is, Doggy has a happy home now and learned to trust us. I gave him my late but great Pupper's old dog bed and sack of toys and he now lives in Pasadena. Poor doggy was only a year old he was a shepherd pit bull mix with a shaggy tail. The dead guy named him something profoundly stupid so we renamed him Paco. Paco now has a yard and family and last I heard is very happy. He lived with the neighbor who rescued him for a week and I cuddled him a lot. Paco was a good boy and now is a happy boy with stable caregivers.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: LadyJean
    Date: 17 Nov 12 - 08:27 PM

    Some years ago, on a warm July day, I sent some friends a pound of cheese from the famous Pennsylvania Macaroni Company's large selection.

    They thoght the package was for the downstairs neighbors. The downstairs neighbors read the address label. The package stayed in the foyer for several days, befor being disposed of, unopened.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: Henry Krinkle
    Date: 18 Nov 12 - 05:26 AM

    Good thing the dog's been taken care of.
    =(:-( ))


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Eliza
    Date: 18 Nov 12 - 05:29 AM

    Dave's Wife, what a sad story. I'm so glad the poor dog was saved, he must have suffered terribly both physically and mentally. It's heartwarmimg to read of a rescue where the animal gets a kind home.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: John MacKenzie
    Date: 18 Nov 12 - 09:10 AM

    Ah Grishka, I'm afraid that your attempt at "English" humour is misdirected. mainly because I believe that Virginia is where Tam comes from, and not her christian name.
    Yes I did know that Germany isn't across the channel from the UK, but it is still possible to swim from there to here. If you travel via the Baltic, Skagerrak, and Kattegat, resting no doubt on the Dogger Bank en route.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Grishka
    Date: 18 Nov 12 - 03:12 PM

    I see, John. My use of "Virginia" was following my perception of Mudcat conventions; for example, "ArtfulCodger" is often abbreviated "Artful", though this is not his first name. I noticed that she writes "neighbor", but the scene does seem to be set in the UK, does it not? Where parcels from Gemany are not (yet) subject to customs?

    Anyway, humor or humour, some have it and some do not. I hope I do not have to add that I know many decent people from the Subcontinent.

    Still waiting for the SONG CHALLENGEes - where have all those poets gone?


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: VirginiaTam
    Date: 19 Nov 12 - 03:11 PM

    I am indeed a Virginian living UK. Spelling leaps from American to English and back again, in this forum and on Facebook. The only exception is at work or in formal correspondence in the UK in which I always spell English style.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
    Date: 19 Nov 12 - 03:21 PM

    So, what was it?

    GfS


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: VirginiaTam
    Date: 19 Nov 12 - 05:31 PM

    I don't know
    I don't care to know
    I am not going to ask my neighbour
    because I think he doesn't want to know either

    :~D


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: meself
    Date: 19 Nov 12 - 06:22 PM

    Therefore, we can only conclude that it was a human head - possibly that of a person or persons now deceased, but that is pure speculation.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,skivee, guesting in
    Date: 19 Nov 12 - 11:25 PM

    VT< Meself is correct. I'm afraid that all signs clearly point to a human head. My research staff concur with me on this.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Stim
    Date: 19 Nov 12 - 11:56 PM

    I am a bit disappointed, VirginiaTam, I must admit--This is ending up a bit like "Barton Fink" or "Night Must Fall". Setting aside your legal and moral obligations, you have a literary obligation to provide some closure. You cannot start a story and wander off without solving the mystery.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,Eliza
    Date: 20 Nov 12 - 02:15 AM

    LOL Yes she can. With or without an explanation it's been very entertaining!


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: GUEST,VaTam on her Tab
    Date: 20 Nov 12 - 07:31 AM

    Actually, I rather like unresolved endings.


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    Subject: RE: BS: This not a joke. Real problem
    From: meself
    Date: 20 Nov 12 - 10:13 AM

    I wish you'd told us that in the first post!


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