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Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.

Georgiansilver 02 Jan 13 - 06:56 AM
Mr Happy 02 Jan 13 - 07:58 AM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 02 Jan 13 - 08:33 AM
SINSULL 02 Jan 13 - 11:17 AM
Mr Red 02 Jan 13 - 11:25 AM
Georgiansilver 02 Jan 13 - 01:09 PM
Vic Smith 02 Jan 13 - 03:57 PM
GUEST,Gail 02 Jan 13 - 07:02 PM
Genie 02 Jan 13 - 09:20 PM
JennieG 03 Jan 13 - 12:24 AM
Mr Red 03 Jan 13 - 08:32 AM
SINSULL 03 Jan 13 - 09:32 AM
MoorleyMan 03 Jan 13 - 11:31 AM
MoorleyMan 03 Jan 13 - 11:33 AM
GUEST,GY morris man 03 Jan 13 - 11:47 AM
Vic Smith 03 Jan 13 - 01:03 PM
Harmonium Hero 03 Jan 13 - 02:03 PM
Georgiansilver 03 Jan 13 - 03:37 PM
Harmonium Hero 03 Jan 13 - 03:59 PM
Harmonium Hero 03 Jan 13 - 05:20 PM
Georgiansilver 04 Jan 13 - 04:06 AM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 04 Jan 13 - 05:56 AM
Mr Happy 04 Jan 13 - 11:47 AM
Georgiansilver 04 Jan 13 - 01:09 PM
SINSULL 04 Jan 13 - 02:10 PM
Vic Smith 04 Jan 13 - 03:00 PM
Georgiansilver 05 Jan 13 - 01:06 PM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 05 Jan 13 - 01:54 PM
GUEST,Gail 05 Jan 13 - 04:58 PM
Harmonium Hero 05 Jan 13 - 06:46 PM
Harmonium Hero 05 Jan 13 - 06:50 PM
selby 05 Jan 13 - 07:27 PM
Georgiansilver 06 Jan 13 - 03:43 AM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 06 Jan 13 - 06:15 AM
Georgiansilver 06 Jan 13 - 06:01 PM
Dave Earl 07 Jan 13 - 01:28 AM
Georgiansilver 07 Jan 13 - 02:31 PM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 07 Jan 13 - 04:39 PM
Jack Campin 07 Jan 13 - 07:57 PM
Georgiansilver 08 Jan 13 - 02:38 PM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 09 Jan 13 - 08:12 AM
GUEST,owl glass 09 Jan 13 - 08:42 AM
Sailor Ron 09 Jan 13 - 08:59 AM
Vic Smith 09 Jan 13 - 09:31 AM
Harmonium Hero 09 Jan 13 - 01:26 PM
Georgiansilver 09 Jan 13 - 02:02 PM
GUEST,Muppett 10 Jan 13 - 11:19 AM
Georgiansilver 10 Jan 13 - 03:39 PM
GUEST,Gail 11 Jan 13 - 11:49 AM
Georgiansilver 15 May 13 - 04:27 AM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 15 May 13 - 06:30 AM
Vic Smith 15 May 13 - 06:39 AM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 15 May 13 - 06:40 AM
Georgiansilver 15 May 13 - 07:35 AM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 15 May 13 - 11:09 AM
Georgiansilver 15 May 13 - 05:24 PM
Georgiansilver 15 May 13 - 05:28 PM
Vic Smith 16 May 13 - 06:55 AM
Georgiansilver 16 May 13 - 08:29 AM
SINSULL 16 May 13 - 08:51 AM
Harmonium Hero 16 May 13 - 09:39 AM
Georgiansilver 16 May 13 - 12:05 PM
Harmonium Hero 16 May 13 - 12:59 PM
Georgiansilver 17 May 13 - 02:28 AM
GUEST,Raggytash 17 May 13 - 04:37 AM
Harmonium Hero 17 May 13 - 11:31 AM
Vic Smith 17 May 13 - 12:47 PM
Georgiansilver 17 May 13 - 01:41 PM
Vic Smith 17 May 13 - 01:48 PM
Georgiansilver 17 May 13 - 02:31 PM
Harmonium Hero 17 May 13 - 07:56 PM
Harmonium Hero 17 May 13 - 08:03 PM
Georgiansilver 18 May 13 - 01:22 PM
Harmonium Hero 18 May 13 - 03:10 PM
GUEST,Gail 19 May 13 - 10:41 AM
Georgiansilver 19 May 13 - 12:36 PM
Harmonium Hero 19 May 13 - 07:23 PM
Georgiansilver 20 May 13 - 01:13 AM
Vic Smith 20 May 13 - 06:34 AM
GUEST 21 May 13 - 01:46 AM
Georgiansilver 21 May 13 - 02:00 AM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 21 May 13 - 05:30 AM
Georgiansilver 21 May 13 - 08:43 AM
Harmonium Hero 21 May 13 - 09:14 AM
Georgiansilver 21 May 13 - 11:49 AM
GUEST,Gail 21 May 13 - 03:55 PM
GUEST,Learaí na Láibe 22 May 13 - 01:34 PM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 23 May 13 - 06:02 AM
Georgiansilver 23 May 13 - 11:38 AM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 24 May 13 - 08:08 AM
Georgiansilver 25 May 13 - 06:48 AM
Georgiansilver 26 May 13 - 04:08 AM
Vic Smith 16 Jul 13 - 12:53 PM
Georgiansilver 16 Jul 13 - 01:43 PM
Vic Smith 16 Jul 13 - 01:59 PM
Harmonium Hero 16 Jul 13 - 06:06 PM
Georgiansilver 17 Jul 13 - 10:06 AM
Uncle Tone 17 Jul 13 - 12:22 PM
Georgiansilver 17 Jul 13 - 01:22 PM
Georgiansilver 17 Jul 13 - 02:10 PM
Uncle Tone 18 Jul 13 - 01:43 PM
Georgiansilver 18 Jul 13 - 05:46 PM
GUEST,leeneia 19 Jul 13 - 12:28 AM
Matthew Edwards 19 Jul 13 - 07:13 AM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 19 Jul 13 - 07:28 AM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 20 Jul 13 - 05:00 AM
Vic Smith 20 Jul 13 - 01:39 PM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 20 Jul 13 - 03:29 PM
Georgiansilver 20 Jul 13 - 03:52 PM
GUEST,Gail 20 Jul 13 - 04:18 PM
GUEST,The Ginger Whinger 21 Jul 13 - 07:27 AM
GUEST,Ginger Whinger 21 Jul 13 - 07:31 AM
GUEST,The Ginger Whinger 21 Jul 13 - 07:34 AM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 21 Jul 13 - 07:47 AM
Georgiansilver 21 Jul 13 - 09:48 AM
Mr Happy 21 Jul 13 - 10:47 AM
Mr Happy 21 Jul 13 - 10:49 AM
GUEST,Fred McCormcik 21 Jul 13 - 11:25 AM
Vic Smith 22 Jul 13 - 08:36 AM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 22 Jul 13 - 09:34 AM
Georgiansilver 23 Jul 13 - 03:01 AM
Georgiansilver 23 Jul 13 - 04:59 PM
Old Grey Wolf 24 Jul 13 - 08:37 AM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 24 Jul 13 - 10:30 AM
Matthew Edwards 24 Jul 13 - 10:34 AM
Georgiansilver 24 Jul 13 - 11:12 AM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 24 Jul 13 - 11:26 AM
GUEST,Little George 24 Jul 13 - 12:00 PM
GUEST,Big George 24 Jul 13 - 01:14 PM
Old Grey Wolf 24 Jul 13 - 01:25 PM
Old Grey Wolf 24 Jul 13 - 01:28 PM
Matthew Edwards 24 Jul 13 - 01:54 PM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 25 Jul 13 - 06:15 AM
Old Grey Wolf 27 Jul 13 - 09:41 AM
Uncle Tone 27 Jul 13 - 10:35 AM
Georgiansilver 27 Jul 13 - 05:35 PM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 28 Jul 13 - 05:52 AM
Uncle Tone 28 Jul 13 - 07:41 AM
GUEST,Fred McCormick 29 Jul 13 - 05:51 AM
Uncle Tone 29 Jul 13 - 08:02 AM
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Subject: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 06:56 AM

Since the Mayan calendar finishing did not signify the end of the world (to Gods great relief), the Blitherscrum Folk Festival needs planning for this year. Proposals for nominees to the board are acceptable at this time and it will of course be chaired this year by the mayor from Upper Ramsbottom. Proposals can be done online this year as well as by phone... go to http://www.blitherscrumfolkfestivalplanningcommittee2013.com/proposalsfornomineestotheboardoforganisers.
Any ideas of how to improve on last year will of course be welcome again.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Mr Happy
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 07:58 AM

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Diagnose Connection Problems


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 08:33 AM

I'd like to suggest inviting the Upper Lower Hallamswick Carol Singers this year. I know it'll be out of season and they'll charge double, but you'll get it all back via the beer tent anyway; Especially if you lay on a few casks of that Yorkshire Tractor Diesel Oil. Eeh, bah gum. It's a reet good brew is that. The 18.4% strength, that is, not the 9.2%.

Come to think of it, they could do a few workshops. EG.,

How To Stand Upright After 18 Pints.

How To Hold Your Pint In One Hand And Your Songbook Between Your Teeth, Whilst Using Your Other Hand To Turn The Pages.

How To Cram Huge Numbers Of Carol Singers Into Impossibly Small Spaces.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 11:17 AM

I suggest Tossing the Caper replace the Caber Toss. The drunken sots last year nearly brought down the beer tent with their off course tosses.

Just a thought.

I'll be there no matter what bit I will arrive in an RV with my own privy. Simply will not deal with the hijinks encouraged by black out windows and blown lights in the Ladies.
SINS


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Mr Red
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 11:25 AM

I nominate Mike Harding for 'committeeee.

Seconded anyone?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 01:09 PM

Mia Karding is the Mayor of Upper Ramsbottom who is chairing the Committee.
I am going to propose that we get certain acts back again as they were so popular:- Vinegar Butt,   Jezlo and the Halfpennies, Baron Ardwrigley and ID Talbot.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 03:57 PM

I will be sponsoring one of the new competitions at Blitherscrum this year:-

The Totally Silent Shanty Group competition



Now, I know that this will be a hugely popular event and there will be more entries than there will be time for during the festival so the judges that I have appointed will be listening to recordings of groups on demo CDs that are sent in and from them, the judges will draw up a short list that will be invited to compete at the festival itself.

RULES FOR ENTRY
* Only Shanty groups of less than 5000 may enter.
* Each Demo must include at least 50 totally silent shanties
* One member of each group must be appointed to introduce and give background information on each shanty. Like the shanties themselves, these intros must be totally silent.
* The judges decision (which will be given in a silent announcement) is final
* The closing date for entries is 1st January 2013 on the Mayan calendar


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Gail
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 07:02 PM

I have retired since the last Blitherscrum and may therefore have more time for volunteering, stewardeering or committeeeering.
To help get things going, I'd like to nominate our good friend Matt Ersarising as Chair of the committee.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Genie
Date: 02 Jan 13 - 09:20 PM

Will there be a 2-hour workshop on banjo tuning?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: JennieG
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 12:24 AM

Genie, I thought the workshop on banjo tuning was two days.....not just two hours?

Cheers
JennieG


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Mr Red
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 08:32 AM

What are you going to call the Bodhran workshop?

Anything you want, they can't hear you!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: SINSULL
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 09:32 AM

Will there be silent Morris Dancing at the same time as the silent shanties? Belfry, are we?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: MoorleyMan
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 11:31 AM

One extra and very important rule: all silent shanties must last exactly four minutes and thirty-three seconds...


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: MoorleyMan
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 11:33 AM

Sorry if that last post sounded a bit cagey..
I would expect the result to be carried by a silent majority!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,GY morris man
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 11:47 AM

Is there going to be any clog dancing on cobbles this year?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 01:03 PM

Can my band play for the Mayan End of the World Ceilidh?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 02:03 PM

Is it on again? Oh, No!....The Mayans aren't going to be pleased. That end-of-the-world malarkey was a cunning ploy to try and get Blitherscrum called off.
JK


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 03:37 PM

Wild horses wouldn't stop Blitherscrum Festival... although a herd of cows invaded the beer tent two years ago and caused mayhem. Since then there has been a sign at the entrance to the site which reads "No Cows Allowed".... two performers refused to bring their wives in last year in honor of the sign!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 03:59 PM

Two workshops have caught my attention: 101 Things To Do with a Bodhran. (I might attend this one. Off the top of my head, I can think of three: two are unprintable on a forum such as this - and I suspect one of those is physically impossible, and the third is to play the thing properly - a feat seldom attempted). Also: 50 Ways to Silence a Shantyman. (The success of this workshop last year led to the Silent Shanty Group competition detailed above).


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 03 Jan 13 - 05:20 PM

Blimey that was quick....the bodhran workshop is already sold out. In view of this runaway success, the are organising similar ones for banjo, melodeon, bagpipes and shaky egg. Book now to avoid....er...that's all it says.
JK


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 Jan 13 - 04:06 AM

The Bodhran frisbee competition and the banjo tennis tournament will be taking place this year in spite of objections from some members of the committee who think it only encourages more of these 'implements' to the festival site!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 04 Jan 13 - 05:56 AM

Vic Smith. "Can my band play for the Mayan End of the World Ceilidh?"

No. Not unless you're the loudest rock band in the universe.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Mr Happy
Date: 04 Jan 13 - 11:47 AM

This year's sponsors include:

The Great Indoors, suppliers of luxury caravans for hire

Stay Indoors, the cumfy seat specialists, providing free inflatable cushions for the really hard chairs in the marquee

Go Indoors, the cumfy Portaloo experts


Stools-u-Like, prevents that bunged up feeling


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 Jan 13 - 01:09 PM

On the "Most Improved Folk Festival" thread.. I was a bit incensed when someone had to ask why Blitherscrum should feature!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 Jan 13 - 02:10 PM

Maybe because the food caravans are still cooking in used banjos and bodrhans?

Is the Shaky Eggs for Beginners workshop still on?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 04 Jan 13 - 03:00 PM

Fred McCormick wrote:-
"Vic Smith. "Can my band play for the Mayan End of the World Ceilidh?"

No. Not unless you're the loudest rock band in the universe.


Vic Smith A.K.A. Hotblack Desiato.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 05 Jan 13 - 01:06 PM

The new indoor sleeping facility is now up and running or at least the water is... there is a leak in the shower room and the whole area is flooded. We are confident this can be fixed by Festival time. With regard to single ladies accommodations mentioned at committee... there is no segregation this year so you sleep where your sleeping bag is..... To the men... you have surely heard the expression 'Let sleeping bags lie".....


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 05 Jan 13 - 01:54 PM

Mixed sex eh? You wouldn't chuckle at some of the sights to be witnessed in that place.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Gail
Date: 05 Jan 13 - 04:58 PM

Who said Blitherscrum is a most improved festival? It has been rubbish ever since it went electric in 1967.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 05 Jan 13 - 06:46 PM

In view of the moist and slithery conditions which seem to prevail at this festival, I hope there will be an adequate supply of rubber thingies. JK


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 05 Jan 13 - 06:50 PM

I do apologize. That should have read "dinghies'. You realised that, of course. JK


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: selby
Date: 05 Jan 13 - 07:27 PM

Are there directions on google?
will there be lager phone workshops?
can I look forward to a Kazoo session?
Keith


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Jan 13 - 03:43 AM

Two men were arrested last year for having 'sessions' with their kazoos so if you do please be careful to do it in private!   Directions are easy:- Right at the White Horse, right again at The Rose and Crown, right again at The Red Lion, left at the Black Horse, right at the Dog and Partridge, right again at the Unicorn, left at the Dog and Duck, left again at the Green Dragon and the site is about a mile further up that road. P{lease bear in mind that stopping to ask directions at each pub is problematic:- A few Festival attenders never made it last year, having been arrested for drunk driving just before getting to the site.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 06 Jan 13 - 06:15 AM

Can I yet again make a heartfelt plea for the cancellation of the ducking stool and scold's bridle event this year. It is demeaning and it is insulting to women.

By the same token can we please abandon the witch trials which have been the cause of so much trouble in past years. Let's face it. Anyone who has the misfortune to be swum in the river Blither is more likely to come out with a bad case of typhus than a tarnished reputation.

Mind you, I do agree that the stocks and pillory seats should be retained. Just the place to lock up the previous nights' drunks and ticket dodgers. Come to think of it, why not combine that event with the bodhran throwing competition?

On second thoughts, scrub that suggestion. The aim of some of those bodhran throwers is so bad they'd hit everyone in the festival except the ones in the stocks.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 06 Jan 13 - 06:01 PM

You may have heard that last year, Blitherscrum Folk Club had to close down due to lack of attendance.... Well not so much lack of attendance as lack of performers at the singaround.... well not so much lack of performers as lack of reasonably good performers. Complaints came from nearby residences, to the Council, that the noises coming from the club were upsetting the residents... inasmuch as they sounded like animals being killed, cats being strangled, pigs being 'molested' and the poor old sheep suffering the advances of man..... In actual fact the complaint came from Eddy Baker who wanted to join the club but was refused on the grounds that he was always spreading dirt locally and this had upset the Folkies at one of the festivals. He complained to the Council... his complaint was upheld.. so the Club closed... sad eh??
The Council have stated that the Blitherscrum Festival will never be closed down as it brings so much revenue to the village and should they close it they would get no more 'backhanders' from local businesses.
I am really looking forward to this years Festival....are you??


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Dave Earl
Date: 07 Jan 13 - 01:28 AM

I've asked Matron if I can go.

She says that if I behave myself She will allow me out for the duration of the festival.

Er probably not going to be there then

Dave (The Inmate)


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 07 Jan 13 - 02:31 PM

The committee have informed me that Willam McTell... (the Folk singer who shoots apples off his sons head with bow and arrow on The Streets of London) will be performing for us... at Blitherscrum again this year.   It has been decided that see through tents,,, such as that used by that gorgeous blonde last year are to be banned this year as the noise from some of the men watching her get ready for bed kept their wives awake.
Still open to suggestions for a few more performers and anything we can do to make it a happier festival... It has become better each year so far, let's keep it up!.. if you pardon the expression!
As an aside.. The Family Planning Committee are meeting on our Festival site whilst the Festival is on but should not interfere with our performances as they will be using the back entrance!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 07 Jan 13 - 04:39 PM

Ahhh ehhh. That see through tent was worth the season ticket price alone. Mind you,it did leave the festival committee with a problem about what to do with all the pillars of salt which were left standing around on the Monday morning.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Jack Campin
Date: 07 Jan 13 - 07:57 PM

The autoharp workshop with Norman Schwartzkopf has been cancelled.

In its place, the Americana theme will be represented by the Petraeus Family Band. Holly Petraeus's rendering of "Stand By Your Man" will be worth looking forward to.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 08 Jan 13 - 02:38 PM

Farmer Jones..a man outstanding in his field, will be out standing in his field waiting for the outdoor campers to arrive on Friday 33rd from 11am until 6pm. If you need eggs or milk you can order them from him after he has gone. Mrs Jones will be playing the melodeon again this year and hopefully no surprises like the chick that jumped out of it last year. Farmer Jones' pig (new since last year) tends to smell very badly...but is having an operation on his nose to remedy that.
The blue and white box that looks like a telephone box is not the 'Tardis' of Dr Who, so to save any mistakes, it has a sign saying 'Turdis' on the outside.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 09 Jan 13 - 08:12 AM

It didn't go down well with everyone but some years ago, Blitherscrum staged a midnight recital by the massed Pipes and Drums of the Camel Corps of the 14th Inverury and Cillgarraiochmacochory Highlanders and Lowlanders Knobbly Kneesers Regiment.

Personally, I never understood what the problem was, or why they've never been invited back. The band was perfectly audible several miles away for anyone who wanted to listen. What's more that alcove they played in, right between the tents and the rows of houses on the field perimeter, made the perfect natural amphitheatre. In fact it couldn't have been better.

Come on lads. Say ballocks to begrudgers and get them back this year.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,owl glass
Date: 09 Jan 13 - 08:42 AM

Hate to bee a party pooper but......
Having a sign on the beer tent saying "No cows allowed" won't stop the illiterate ones from trying to get in.
Having a banjo tuning wotkshop is a complete waste of time - no banjo owner would turn up!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Sailor Ron
Date: 09 Jan 13 - 08:59 AM

Will there be a melodeon burning workshop again this year?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 09 Jan 13 - 09:31 AM

Owl Glass wrote:-
Having a banjo tuning wotkshop is a complete waste of time - no banjo owner would turn up!

I would dispute this. The last banjo workshop at Blitherscrum that I attended, there were some participants with almost perfect pitch. In fact, one of them managed to pitch six banjos into a skip from 50 yards.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 09 Jan 13 - 01:26 PM

Last time I went, I left my banjo in the front of the van for a few minutes, and when I got back, somebody had broken in and left two more. Could have been worse.... there were a lot of banjos about.
Re. the bodhran-throwing; in view of the cancellation of the dwarf-throwing (on PC grounds), how about a bodhran player-throwing event? I don't think the PC brigade would have much to say about that.
JK
PS How many bodhran players does it take to paper a room? ...Depends how thinly you slice them. Shaboom.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 09 Jan 13 - 02:02 PM

Last year I took two of my England shirts to the Festival in spite of how bad we did in the world cup. Of course I washed them both and hung them on the communal clothes line to dry... Imagine my utter disappointment when I went to collect them and found that somebody had stolen.......... the clothes pegs!!! leaaving my shirts on the ground!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Muppett
Date: 10 Jan 13 - 11:19 AM

Can we have a Karofolkie session?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 10 Jan 13 - 03:39 PM

Well there is something similar which we call a 'stingaround'.. It's like a sing around but everyone criticises your performance after.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Gail
Date: 11 Jan 13 - 11:49 AM

Well that's relief! For a minute I thought you were going to say everyone has to sing Fields of Gold.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 May 13 - 04:27 AM

Now confirmed that Vinegar Butt,   Jezlo and the Halfpennies, Baron Ardwrigley and I.D. Talbot will be performing this year. Also confirmed that the Family Planning Committee will be sharing the field but to simplify things they have made the decision to use the back entrance. The herd of cows which invaded the beer tent last year have prompted the erection of a sign on the gate saying "NO COWS ALLOWED"... this does not preclude some of the wives from entering. See you all there then!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 15 May 13 - 06:30 AM

Does that mean the sheep will be baahed out as well?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 15 May 13 - 06:39 AM

.... those other farm animals that really get my goat.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 15 May 13 - 06:40 AM

I heard the hens had a bad attack of stage fright this year. They just chickened out.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 May 13 - 07:35 AM

No they were kicked out last year for using fowl language!   Incidentally, Willam McTell... (the Folk singer who shoots apples off his sons head with bow and arrow (on The Streets of London) will definitely be performing for us... at Blitherscrum again this year.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 15 May 13 - 11:09 AM

I heard the hens clucking last year. I can't say their language was all that bad. Ok., a bit chickenshit maybe but that was all. Nothing like some of the things that old parrot which someone brought in was coming out with. The dirty old beast.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 May 13 - 05:24 PM

Directions for getting to the site are easy:- Right at the White Horse, right again at The Rose and Crown, right again at The Red Lion, left at the Black Horse, right at the Dog and Partridge, right again at the Unicorn, left at the Dog and Duck, left again at the Green Dragon and the site is about a mile further up that road. P{lease bear in mind that stopping to ask directions at each pub is problematic:- A few Festival attenders never made it last year, having been arrested for drunk driving just before getting to the site. We want you there so please don't stop at all the pubs!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 May 13 - 05:28 PM

All food sold at the event this year will be subject to Blitherscrum town council taxation B.A.T (Blither Added Tax) . This is due to Blitherscrum now becoming a 'freetown' (not under government control). It is thought that many more towns will make a bid for freedom as it is so much easier to govern a small area.
They are insisting that at least two of the committe are Blitherscrum Undergovernment Members (BUMs)


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 16 May 13 - 06:55 AM

Where does Blitherscrum stand on "re-admission" or "pass-out" policy from the festival site? This is causing a huge problem with much argument in my town, Lewes, over a much smaller festival than Blitherscrum headlined by some band called something like Sons of Mumford.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 16 May 13 - 08:29 AM

Re-admission is simple...anyone leaving the site has their hand stamped on! So when they come back it is obvious they are coming back. However, the gatemen have been asked not to stamp on them so hard as a few hands were broken last year. There is no policy on passing out.... several members passed out when performers they weren't keen on played last year.. we just immersed them in the river and they soon came round!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: SINSULL
Date: 16 May 13 - 08:51 AM

Bodhran Disc Golf will be available on the back forty. Beware the hazards - Billy McTell will be shooting apples off his kid's head while
Banjo Baseball takes place on the green.
A group of tossers will be back there with eggs, cabers and assortment of local politicians. If anyone yells "Fore" or "Coming about", look up!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 16 May 13 - 09:39 AM

Yeah, I passed out several times last year at what I thought was a singaround; turned out I'd misread the programme and it was a 'slumberound'. I hadn't heard of this before. Is it exclusive to Blitherscrum? I'm not sure which is worse; trying to sleep when people around you insist on snoring, or when they insist on singing.
JK


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 16 May 13 - 12:05 PM

Not sure about the slumberound but we had a 'stingaround' last year which was very successful... bit like a singaround but someone performs and all the others criticise the performance... it does sting too!!!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 16 May 13 - 12:59 PM

Sounds a bit like mudcat....
JK


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 May 13 - 02:28 AM

LOL @ Harmonium Hero


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Raggytash
Date: 17 May 13 - 04:37 AM

Are the Wildaughters performing this year and if so are they bringing their own mattresses?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 17 May 13 - 11:31 AM

Mattress dancing workshop! - put me down for that!
JK


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 17 May 13 - 12:47 PM

I long for the return of the Folk Club Traditional Joke Workshops at Blitherscrum. They were such a belly laugh. Three jokes that I fondly remember from those days:-

a] The guitarist who came to the joke workshop, stood tuning his instrument for 12 minutes and then said, "Oh well, that's close enough for folk!"

b] The woman who introduced a song saying, "Here's one I learned from The English Book of Penguin Folk Songs."

c] The bloke who turned up at the workshop with a hat full of cloakroom tickets and announced, "Now I am going to draw the Raphael!"

Cracks like that used to crease me up. Can anyone remember any more? They should all be recorded for the sound archives before these priceless jewels die out.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 May 13 - 01:41 PM

Awwww yessss:- How do you make a small fortune from Folk Music............. start with a large fortune!!
What noise could possibly sound better than a banjo?............... A chicken caught in a vacuum cleaner?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 17 May 13 - 01:48 PM

.... Oh yes, I've just remembered another classic chortle-raiser:-

"There's nothing like a good song to end the evening with and this is nothing like a good song!"


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 May 13 - 02:31 PM

Definition of a Folk Gentleman........ A man who knows how to play a banjo ( or Bodhran) but chooses not to!
Definition of perfect pitch......... when the banjo falls cleanly into the canal without hitting the sides!

Keep 'em coming eh? LOL


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 17 May 13 - 07:56 PM

There's the immortal: "it was in tune when I bought it". (haven't heard that one since 1972).
Or the other one "if I ever get this in tune, I'm going to get ir welded".
And agin: "this is a Chinese number, called 'Tu-Ning'".
Eeh, we knew 'ow ter laugh in them days.
JK


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 17 May 13 - 08:03 PM

And who could forget "this one's unacomplished".
JK

'ere, perhaps with a bit of research, we could get Penguin to do a 'Pebguin Book of English Folk Club Jokes'.....


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 May 13 - 01:22 PM

You may remember Farmer Jones from last year... a man 'outstanding in his field'....he had a pig which smelled very badly. Well the pig has now had an operation on his nose and can smell perfectly!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 18 May 13 - 03:10 PM

Hello! we're the Symbolics. I'm Sym....


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Gail
Date: 19 May 13 - 10:41 AM

And who can forget all those happy evenings ending with the traditional "thank you for having us tonight, and if you haven't had us yet don't worry we're working our way round"


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 19 May 13 - 12:36 PM

Please be aware if you bring your dog and have to leave it on the camp..there was a strange man who was caught ..by me...trying to commit an indecent act with someones unattended dog last year. I did say to him "How low can you get"? but he answered with "OOOOH a dacshund is about me lowest so far".
Incidentally if your dog poos anywhere it is your responsibility to clean it up...there are dog poo bins available and "Super dooper pooper scoopers" to pick it up with will be available for purchase.
Stewards are sill needed for the event but if applying please remember that you must be at least 3' 6" tall in stockinged feet or taller with high heels (especially the men).


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 19 May 13 - 07:23 PM

Eee, now yer talkin'


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 20 May 13 - 01:13 AM

Some folkies have PM'd me re the directions for getting to Blitherscrum but sadly I have a map and it doesn't show Blitherscrum on it....so:-
I assume all UK members know where Birmingham is..........well it's nowhere near there so that's a start. It is so easy to get to!
Turn left at the 'Beastie and the Pig' and go about four miles before turning right at the 'Crab and Organ'. Take the fork in the road a you might need it to eat with if we are short at camp. Left again at the 'Nude and voyeur' and immediate left following the sign which says 'Blitherscrum Folly'.....This road takes you direct to the campsite which you can't miss as the sign outside says 'DEAD END'.....which I hope doesn't put too many off. Any further difficulties please phone me at Naffhall 1212....
May I wish you all a pleasant trip to the Festival


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 20 May 13 - 06:34 AM

There's the immortal: "it was in tune when I bought it". (haven't heard that one since 1972).
Or the other one "if I ever get this in tune, I'm going to get ir welded".
And agin: "this is a Chinese number, called 'Tu-Ning'"....


And who could forget "this one's unacomplished".....

Hello! we're the Symbolics. I'm Sym....

And who can forget all those happy evenings ending with the traditional "thank you for having us tonight, and if you haven't had us yet don't worry we're working our way round"


to all of these.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST
Date: 21 May 13 - 01:46 AM

You may notice that The Old Barn at Upton Oggod will have had a coat of paint just before your arrival at the event. The sign 'WET PAINT' is a warning not an instruction to the gentlemen who come. This brings me to a serious complaint that was made last year about a beautifully voluptuous female on the campsite who was apparently taking her clothes off outside the tent. To the women who complained:- you will get nowhere with your complaints, much like last year, as the men do not find this kind of behaviour offensive...and if you have trouble keeping your husband/partner on a leash, that's your problem not ours. It is however requested that the men who accompanied the taking off of her clothes, with kazoo music, should desist this year as it disturbs the children who are trying to sleep.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 May 13 - 02:00 AM

Sorry, that last post was me... sans cookie!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 21 May 13 - 05:30 AM

people attending Blitherscrum for the first time should be careful not to confuse it with the neighbouring village of Blatherscrum. That's where the bad jokes festival is held.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 May 13 - 08:43 AM

Now you know an old mistake of mine... where did you think I got all the bad jokes from LOL :)


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 21 May 13 - 09:14 AM

Just a query: If one were to book the Upton Ogood Kazzoo Band for ...let's say, a private function, do the umm... ladies come as part of the ensemble, or does one have to find one's own. Just wondering...like.
Anonymous Guest (ignore the Harmonium Hero bit, I'm typing this on sone hairy git's computer - he's not here).


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 May 13 - 11:49 AM

Well anonymous... not sure how you look but Harmonium Hero would be OK.... the ladies like hairy gits!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Gail
Date: 21 May 13 - 03:55 PM

Don't forget to get the "scratch 'n' sniff" cards ready for the Childe Ballads workshop. People had to improvise last year and it was not nice. Not. Nice.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Learaí na Láibe
Date: 22 May 13 - 01:34 PM

And to add an Irish note to the proceedings, Tomáisín Shéamuis Mac Rófhada will be organising the "Newly composed Sean-Nós ballad to the same auld feckin air" competition. Any songwriter unable to guess what "the same auld feckin air" is cannot be adequately immersed in the sacred "Tradition" (All bow yere heads)and will be eliminated. All songs must contain at least 18.5 verses. Any singer daring to introduce a chorus will be banned for life.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 23 May 13 - 06:02 AM

Which Tomáisín Shéamuis Mac Rófhada is this? On the west coast of Ireland there are whole villages where everyone is called Tomáisín Shéamuis Mac Rófhada. As a matter of fact I once stopped to stroke a dog in the village of Baile na Mallaithe Lobhar Coilíneacht, which coincidentally translates into English as Blitherscrum, and asked the owner what the dog's name was. He said "Tomáisín Shéamuis Mac Rófhada". But 18.5 verse sean nós song are nothing new;

Some of the singers are dismal and dire
And they go on for far too long.
And you'd wanna be careful to avoid an earful
Of the man with the self composed song.
His whole life's tale he will bewail,
His tears down your ears he'll pour.
And he'll set it there to a hackneyed old air,
You've heard a thousand time before.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 23 May 13 - 11:38 AM

Nice one Fred.... For general information, the local butcher is said to have some delicious meat pies this year. The taste of his meat pies has certainly improved since his wife disappeared last month without a trace..... Last year when I asked him for bacon...he said "Lean back" which I thought was a bit strange but I leaned back and asked him again.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 24 May 13 - 08:08 AM

Well, they should be an improvement on the fly blown old nag burgers he used to sell.

Come to think of it, you'll probably remember Ernie Pong who used to come every year, and never used to wash, and consequently used to stink the festival marquee out. Last year he disappeared just as the festival was about to start, and hasn't been seen since. Well, I was coming past the fast food stand on the Sunday last year and there, plain as day, was the stink of Ernie Pong. Only, this time, it was coming out of the festival beefburgers and kebabs. I believe the sewers were even more difficult to unblock last year than usual.

I wonder what happened to old Ernie.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 25 May 13 - 06:48 AM

No-one seems to have had a sniff of his whereabouts since!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 26 May 13 - 04:08 AM

Apparently James (6'4") and Rita (4'11") got married after meeting at the Festival last year. That's the long and the short of it!. They will be honeymooning in Outer Mongolia so will miss Friday and Saturday but will be at Sundays Grand Concert around the village pump. I phoned for a weather forecast for the area and have been assured there will definitely be some weather.
'Airport Contention's new CD has really taken off I hear and the song "Fly me to Blitherscrum" will feature at the Festival.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 16 Jul 13 - 12:53 PM

Well, Blitherscrum is over for another year and, once again, I am left to ponder the results of the Air Guitar Competition.

I have entered this competition every year since its inception and never once have I achieved a place in the top three - even in the inaugural year when there were only three entrants.

I know that my performance is amongst the very best, so I am now considering whether it is the model of guitar that I pretend to play or the strings that imagine that I am using that are holding me back.

Any advice would be gratefully received.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 16 Jul 13 - 01:43 PM

I had a word with the judges Vic and they have assured me that you would have won had you used an imaginary plectrum instead of the nail on your thumb! That should set you right for next year! On the whole this years festival went well... in fact better than expected. However, the lady with the wooden leg who kept hitting it with a wooden spoon in time with the bodhran player has been told that next year she will be banned if she does so again..........


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 16 Jul 13 - 01:59 PM

Easier said than done!
I have searched everywhere on the internet for air plectrums to no avail.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Harmonium Hero
Date: 16 Jul 13 - 06:06 PM

So...It's been and gone again. How do I miss it every year?....just good luck I suppose.
Vic: I gave up using air plecs. Kept dropping them , and they are a bugger to find.
JK


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Jul 13 - 10:06 AM

There were a lot of happy and dsatisfied Festival goers at Blitherscrum this year... however:- Two children drowned whilst partaking in the trout tickling workshop.
Three men had heart attacks from over indulgence with the high cholestrol food eating challenge. One of the wives died of shock.
The marquee burnt down due to the 'Smoking' rule (ie everyone had to smoke in the marquee).
Several people had their rear ends bitten by the sewer rats which hid round the bends of the temporary toilets and only came out for a nibble.
Many people were injured whilst others were checking to see if the main hall really was only a stones throw away.
Such was the demand for bodhrans that several were stolen..(another theory was that they were destroyed when the marquee burnt down..but how they got there from the other side of the river in time for the fire is anyones guess)
Two people are still suffering from epizootic lymphangitis after stroking the cows which were wandering in the indoor camping site.
Five others also have the disease after bathing in the cows milk.
There were other things which marred last years festival but I can't remember them all can I?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Uncle Tone
Date: 17 Jul 13 - 12:22 PM

Can I please make an appeal for more toilets next year? Some of us are still queueing.

Tone


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Jul 13 - 01:22 PM

Will try... I always though 'P' came before 'Q' but at Blitherscrum it's the other way around!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Jul 13 - 02:10 PM

100


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Uncle Tone
Date: 18 Jul 13 - 01:43 PM

Look, you 7%$$ers. I finally got to the front of the queue for the toilet today... and it was full!

Tone


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Jul 13 - 05:46 PM

What was..... your bladder ??? LOL


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 19 Jul 13 - 12:28 AM

"I have entered [the air guitar] competition every year since its inception and never once have I achieved a place in the top three...

Vic, I bet you have been playing an air guitar tuned in the conventional EADGBE. There's your big mistake. It seems that a modern folkie can't hold his head up unless he tunes his axe in a "hard-to-do tuning which he made up himself."


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 19 Jul 13 - 07:13 AM

Well I have finally made it home after my first visit to Blitherscrum (the local magistrate was most understanding). It did take me a while to find the site though, since when I enquired for directions to the Queen's Legs the old gentleman I asked had a nasty accident with his vowels and sent me instead to the neighbouring village of Blatherscrum. There I found the annual bad joke festival in full swing, with the contest for the World's Longest Joke Without a Punchline still running since the previous year.

I eventually found a disused footpath which led me through Blitherscrum Parva and Blitherscrum Bottom to the festival site proper just in time for the Air Guitar Competition. Sadly I found I had left my air capo at home and I had to borrow one from another player, but it was a left-handed one so my tuning was all out.

I very much enjoyed the Child Ballad Re-enactment Workshop, especially the performance of The Outlandish Knight when the very attractive blonde removed her fine holland smock and pushed the knight into the River Blither where Farmer Jones had just released a silo of his finest slurry. The parrot unfortunately kept on squawking long after his turn was over and it completely and utterly ruined my rendition of Tam Lin.

My heavy-metal shanty team the Shanty Crüe was eliminated from the Silent Shanty semi-final for performing a halyard shanty where a capstan was required (or it may have been the other way round).

I look forward to attending next year's festival once I have resolved my bail conditions.

Matthew


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 19 Jul 13 - 07:28 AM

Oh hell. Does this mean this year's Blitherscrum has been and gone? I had it down in my diary for Octember 32nd. As a matter of fact I've always gone to Blitherscrum for the last weekend in Octember, and could never understand why it was so quiet. No marquees. No tents. No bar. No fast food stalls and no music. Just the squelching of the effluent pump as it dispersed the local sewage into the river Blither.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 20 Jul 13 - 05:00 AM

If we're going to re-enact Child Ballads then I would like to nominate Child Owlet (291).

Some said, Child Owlet he should hang,
Some said that he should burn,
Some said they would hae Child Owlet
Between wild horses torn.

---------------------------------
There was nae stane on Elkin muir,
Nor broom nor bonny whin,
But drappit wi' Child Owlet's blood
And pieces of his skin.

That should give the Blitherscrum Argot something to think about. They've been looking for a reason to ban us for years.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 20 Jul 13 - 01:39 PM

Vic, I bet you have been playing an air guitar tuned in the conventional EADGBE. There's your big mistake. It seems that a modern folkie can't hold his head up unless he tunes his axe in a "hard-to-do tuning which he made up himself."

Gosh! Thanks, Leenia - so that is my problem. Right, just wait until I hit the judges next year with my air-12-string. I must think up my own tuning for it. Has anyone got a finger chart for a 12 string tuned to B-U-G-G-E-R?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 20 Jul 13 - 03:29 PM

Air guitars is it? There was a bloke used to busk the streets of Liverpool at one time. He played a harp. The trouble was it had no strings, so the wags christened him The Lost Chord.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 20 Jul 13 - 03:52 PM

He ended up throwing the harp down a Welsh mineshaft! ............ And he got A Flat Miner out of it!!!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Gail
Date: 20 Jul 13 - 04:18 PM

Speaking of Celtic mishaps, men should be banned from wearing kilts in the Spot the Ball competition. Last year everybody spotted it when Jock McStrap bent over to complete his entry.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,The Ginger Whinger
Date: 21 Jul 13 - 07:27 AM

I was told it would be a good idea to include a workshop on Mongolian nose flute....but its not, is it?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Ginger Whinger
Date: 21 Jul 13 - 07:31 AM

I was once told that folkies only know four chords and only use three! I asked what they preferred and they said Status Quo!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,The Ginger Whinger
Date: 21 Jul 13 - 07:34 AM

I'm surprised at the use or even consider RV or caravans! Surely when you are camping the excitement is intents?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 21 Jul 13 - 07:47 AM

Ginger Whinger. A Mongolian nose flute competition would need a lot of Mongolian noses, and that would mena a lot of Mongolians. And that would mean a lot of Mongolian camels and yaks. And that would cause no end of trouble between feeding them, picking up their droppings from the street and the devil only knows what.

I still remember the chaos a few years ago when that crowd of Andean musicians brought their alpacas with them, and one of them ate someone's straw hat.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 Jul 13 - 09:48 AM

Yes and it spat in my face.... I think it had been chewing cow dung which did not improve the situation. Love a bit of intents excitement myself Ginger...!!! Talking about that.... I went to mt doc last week and told him "Doc, one say I feel like a wigwam and the next a tepee" He said your trouble is your too tense!!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Mr Happy
Date: 21 Jul 13 - 10:47 AM

Has anyone got a finger chart for a 12 string tuned to B-U-G-G-E-R?

Sorry, there's no keys of U or R

Consequently, there's no strings available either

However, if you want the chords for air guitar, here you are:


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Mr Happy
Date: 21 Jul 13 - 10:49 AM

If you need more alternate tunings, there's some here:thread.cfm?threadid=126832


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormcik
Date: 21 Jul 13 - 11:25 AM

Spat in your face eh? I though it was one of the punters did that.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Vic Smith
Date: 22 Jul 13 - 08:36 AM

Mr Happy wrote:-

"Sorry, there's no keys of U or R"


Well, that is true... but only if you are prepared to be hidebound by conventional musical theory. There is a broader way of regarding keys in music. Let me explain:-

The key of U or to give it the proper title of YOU!!!! -
This is the key much favoured by the duller class of singer/songwriter who pen their interminable ditties about their girlfriends leaving them as in all these songs that begin -
YOU!!!! left me broken-hearted,
I think I'll drown myself....etc.


The key of R or to give it the proper title of ARRRRH -
This is the key much favoured by fake West Country yokel bands inspired by The Wurzels whose songs start with the lines -
ARRRRH The frost was on the turmot-tops
When me and my gal met
Behind the combine harvester....etc.


I hope this clears up your misunderstanding of the broader, more folk music friendly, range of musical notation.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 22 Jul 13 - 09:34 AM

Many thanks are due to our resident musicmaccolligist Vic Smith for explaining to us the keys of U and R.

Here in Liverpool however, we have a long history of successfully assimilating ethnic groups from all over the world, with the result that we have some very interesting hybrid harmonies. EG:-

We combine the keys of Arrrrh And A, as in "Ahhhh eyyyy, the pub's shut. Wherwe gonna gerra bevy from now at dis time er night?"

Also it is common to find the keys of A and U combined, as in "Eh You. Gerroff me friggin' sarnies".


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 23 Jul 13 - 03:01 AM

And I guess if you went to my county of birth you might find Oooooh Arrrrrh to what you just said Fred!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 23 Jul 13 - 04:59 PM

On the subject of dogs..please be aware if you bring your dog next year and have to leave it on the camp..there is a strange man who was caught ..by me...trying to commit an indecent act with someones unattended dog. I did say to him "How low can you get"? but he answered with "OOOOH a dacshund is about me lowest so far".
Incidentally if your dog poos anywhere it is your responsibility to clean it up...there are dog poo bins available and "Super dooper pooper scoopers" to pick it up with will be available for purchase.
Stewards are still needed for next years Festival but if applying please remember that you must be at least 3' 6" tall in stockinged feet or taller with high heels (especially the men).


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Old Grey Wolf
Date: 24 Jul 13 - 08:37 AM

An old song I can't remember the words of.

As I do recall, the last line was "Just messing about on the Blither"

Can anyone remember the other words?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 24 Jul 13 - 10:30 AM

Would this be the one? It goes to the tune of Messing About On The River at any rate.

If you're out on the town, why don't you go down and hear the folksingers at Blither.
If you've no strict aversion to music's diversion, then make the excursion to Blither.
There are all kinds of wonderful folksingers there who can't hold a note and can't hum an air.
They get their folksongs from Christ only knows where. And you'll hear every last one at Blither.

To the musical ear it's painful to hear the excruciations of Blither.
If you've taste and decorum you'll surely deplore 'em when you hear the singers at Blither.
There are singers who sing in a hushed monotone and singers who bawl in a hideous moan.
By the end you'll be singing a heartfelt ochone for the night that you spent down at Blither.

They have an MC who, for barbarity beats Attila the Hun down at Blither.
In manner chaotic and behaviour despotic he rules the proceedings at Blither.
He'll call you to sing while you're out for a leak and then says I'm sorry, just come back next week.
God help you if you aren't one of that clique, who sing all the folksongs at Blither.

Don't stand too near the door or one night I am sure you're bound to get flattened at Blither.
For the thunderous horde don't wait till you applaud, they storm straight on board down at Blither.
They take up their seats in the midst of the song and sit there and natter the whole evening long.
And look at you as if you don't quite belong, when you call for some order at Blither.

Of drunks I've seen them all, but I just can't recall where you'd find a profusion like Blither.
They roll in through the door and they fall on the floor. You can't move for the buggers at Blither.
They snore somnambulistically all through the night, then wake and invite everybody to fight.
Then stagger off home without saying 'Goodnight'. They've such elegant manners at Blither.

The night of the fight you'd have sworn that the blight must have cast its long shadow on Blither.
For the corpses in piles lay stacked up for miles on the cobbles and tiles around Blither.
Though no-one remembers who fired the first shot and blinds have been drawn over what started what,
The count of the carnage will ne'er be forgot, when they slaughtered each other at Blither.

It's like going to mass, for they pass round the glass. to enhance the finances of Blither.
With the clinking of tin as the money goes in, they drown out the singing at Blither.
But the audience there think that it's quite alright. They don't start to fuss and they don't start to fight.
For they reckon that it's the best part of the night, when you can't hear the singers at Blither.

You may ask me true if I'll advise you on avoiding the singers at Blither.
No policy devious or engagement previous do you need to steer well clear of Blither.
I know that it sounds most distinctly severe, but make one resolution to never go near.
And I promise you that your censorious ear won't suffer the singers at Blither.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 24 Jul 13 - 10:34 AM

Old Grey Wolf, your request take me back to days long before the Blitherscrum Festival to that amazing summer of 68 (or was it 67?) when Old Farmer Jones's son, Speedy George, established a sort of commune out on Eel Pie Island in the River Blither and he used to sing this song late at night.

When the weather is fine come and have a good time,
Messing about on the Blither;
For all kinds of vice, there is nothing so nice,
As messing about on the Blither.
Losers and users with all kinds of dope,
Cruise with a nice girl who'll tie you with rope,
So take off your kit, turn on for a bit,
Come messing about on the Blither.

Lebanon Red that will leave you half dead,
When you're messing about on the Blither;
Acid for trips with hip cats on the ships,
While messing about on the Blither.
Potions and lotions and all sorts of pills,
Leave you reeling and feeling green in the gills,
So lie down on your back,be free with the smack,
When you're messing about on the Blither.

Stardust and golden, Aquarian children,
Messing about on the Blither;
Generation of love we will not move,
From messing about on the Blither.
Onwards and upwards we'll sail to the stars,
Calling at all ports to Venus and Mars,
The universe calls, break down the walls,
By messing about on the Blither.

Drop out of school, come and be cool,
Come messing about on the Blither;
You're never square with flowers in your hair,
When you're messing about on the Blither.
Guitars are strumming, bongoes are drummming,
You can hear the air filled with musical hummimg,
Float along in your boat while you take a tote,
Just messing about on the Blither.

Or perhaps you were thinking of this song? Messing About on the River/Tony Hatch

I wonder what happened to Speedy George? He was in the original line-up of the prog rock band The Lovebites but disappeared in Morocco before they cut their seminal first LP 'The Flight of the Fairy Fortune Teller'.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 24 Jul 13 - 11:12 AM

I have had a brainwave! 'A Write a Folk Song for Blitherscrum' competition. The prize would be freedom of the town (Upper Ramsbottom) free entry to next years Festival and if the winner wanted... a place on the Blitherscrum Folk Festival committee. What do we think Folks?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 24 Jul 13 - 11:26 AM

Ignore that Matthew Edwards! He is an impostor and a charlatan who is trying to upstage me and do me out of the acclaim and the royalties, which are rightfuly mine, and force me to spend the rest of my life in utter penury drinking half pints in the Belvidere and singing with my hand over my ear.

Anyway Matthew Edwards only ever wrote one decent song in his life; that one about the NHS, and I'd have written it if I'd thought of it first.

Yours Sincerely,

Gorgeous George, sorry, Speedy George.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Little George
Date: 24 Jul 13 - 12:00 PM

Daddy, if I can call you that, I knew you would turn up again one day. Mummy says the incident in Marrakesh with the goat was probably a misunderstanding, and what you do with the couscous is entirely your own business.

She sold the lyrics of your song to a bearded man who sweet talked her one night in the Lion Tavern who must have been that impostor and charlatan, Matthew Edwards. She even told him that she was born in the NHS and he went and pinched that line from her. She desperately needed the money however to keep us all in food and clothing.

Have you seen that the first LPs of the Lovebites are now selling on eBay for over £1500? Well, Mummy has got some of the tapes from the Eel Pie Island sessions when you were still in the band. She thinks they could fetch quite a lot of money and is willing to share it with you. You can get in touch with her via her Nigerian bank account.

Little George


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Big George
Date: 24 Jul 13 - 01:14 PM

Aha. Blaming me for what happened to the couscous is it? Let me tell you the incident connected with that couscous is burned into my consciousness forevermore. Scarred me for life it has.

That's the reason I wander into the Belvidere singing daft songs about The Barons and The Spoons and taping everything up with sellotape and demanding entry to that little back room. I know what you've got going on in there. Yvonne and Jane singing rude songs, that's what. Total corruption of public morals, that's what it is.

And just around the corner from the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Hall as well! A repository of everything in music that's ethical and noble and dignified and proper that place is. It's so world renowned even that bloke Vladimir Ashkenazy has been known to tickle the ivories once or twice there.

And I've got my tickets for their Americana weekend with BeauSoleil avec Michael Doucet and Steve Riley & The Mamou Playboys. So there.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Old Grey Wolf
Date: 24 Jul 13 - 01:25 PM

Aah, all the old songs, coming back; its like nostalgia, that's coming back as well, and regression (perhaps that's just a dream though). Will the Blitherscrum song contest be a headline event in 2014, or will the winning song just sneak out and pretend to have been collected by folk detectives?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Old Grey Wolf
Date: 24 Jul 13 - 01:28 PM

Aah, The Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Hall; The Band of Hope St.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 24 Jul 13 - 01:54 PM

Mr Batho tells me he will be resuming strict control at the Belvedere this week after so many songs celebrating lost (and restored) maidenheads last time.

Concerning the 'Write a Folk Song for Blitherscrum' contest could the prize be freedom from the town, exempting the winner from ever having to go anywhere near the place again?

The new Full English project at the EFDSS has already uncovered several songs relating to Blitherscrum which await resurrection:-

The Spaniard That Blithered My Life
The Shores of Old Blither
Daydream Blitherer
Ol' Man Blither

Matthew Edwards (the author of one decent song, and several not so decent ones)


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 25 Jul 13 - 06:15 AM

Matthew. No. The first prize should be free tickets to any festival in the country except Blitherscrum.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Old Grey Wolf
Date: 27 Jul 13 - 09:41 AM

I went to a few different schools when I was a boy; The Ginger Whinger asked if I had been to school in Blither, and when I said that I hadn't he called me a Blithering idiot! - bloody cheek!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Uncle Tone
Date: 27 Jul 13 - 10:35 AM

Is it true that the Blitherscrum Fringe was trimmed this year?

Tone


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 27 Jul 13 - 05:35 PM

Yes, quite a hair raising experience apparently! Which reminds me.. a new Hairdressers has opened in Blitherscrum so ladies bear that in mind next year... you can get your hair done at ":Curl Up and Dye" run my ms's Short, Back and Sides!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 28 Jul 13 - 05:52 AM

Well it's A better slogan than the one which was used by a chain of gent's hairdressers here on Merseyside. The name of the chain was Thatchers (this was at the height of tory misrule BTW), and the slogan read "HAVE IT OFF AT THATCHERS".


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Uncle Tone
Date: 28 Jul 13 - 07:41 AM

Can anyone recommend an alternative camping site? I'm not prepared to camp at Blitherscrum Farm any more (Hey, that could almost be a Dylan song), not after that antipodean couple took it over, who are trying to introduce down-under farming methods.

That's how that infamous headline, you might recall, occurred in the Daily Mail:
AN EMU ATE MY AUTOHARP

Tone


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: GUEST,Fred McCormick
Date: 29 Jul 13 - 05:51 AM

I can thoroughly recommend the Happy Campers Holiday Park which is just up the road from Blitherscrum. Well, to get there you would have to turn right just past the Plumbers Armpits onto a narrow tarmaced road. After about three miles the road runs out and turns into an unclassified farm track. Follow that for about fifteen miles and you will come to a footpath which crosses a large swamp.

HCHP is on the far side of the swamp. It is well served with stunning views of Mount Cesspit and of the bog itself.

The site is well catered for, with two chemical toilets and an outside tap, but you may need to take a scythe to clear away the brambles and thistles which infest that part of Mount Cesspit. Also, note that the site is on a 1/5 gradient, so be careful how you pitch your tent. And it would be as well to remember that the owner uses the field out of season to graze cattle and sheep. Unfortunately he sometimes forgets which is out of season and which isn't. So you may need to negotiate the interminable mire of cow pats.

The site owners are extremely hospitable and friendly, provided that you catch them awake, and they sell a wide range of farm produce. This includes bramble marmalade and deadly nightshade jam. I've never tried the latter but I'm assured all the poison is extracted. And there's always a plentiful supply of crocodile eggs.

I forgot to mention that the mountain provides a natural amphitheatre, which is dead handy for amplifying all those late night raves which some of the campers enjoy. Well, at least they keep the knife fights among themselves.

Overall rating. Four and a half stars out of five. I deducted a half star following the length of time it took them to get that dead sheep out of the drinking water.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Festival 2013.
From: Uncle Tone
Date: 29 Jul 13 - 08:02 AM

I don't think I'd reach the HCHP in my motor home unless I fit caterpillar tracks. If I volunteer as a bouncer for the next festival, can I park it in that grassy gap in front of the main stage?

Tone


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