BS: How do you sneeze?

Subject: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 12:21 PM

Is your sneeze sudden and explosive, like a hidden bomb going off? Or does it signal its approach with some preliminary sniffs and contortions so that others can prepare for it? Is it subtle and ladylike when it arrives? Or does it tear siding off houses and cause small animals to suffer cardiac arrest? Do you sneeze only once? Or must you sneeze 2, 3, 4, or even more times before you have cleared the nasal passages of whatever irritant was troubling them? What is the largest number of consecutive sneezes you have ever done? Have you ever sneezed in the middle of a musical performance, specially when at the microphone? Why doesn't James Bond ever sneeze when he's steathily creeping up on the bad guys?

Discuss.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 12:26 PM

Oh LH don't get me started on this one! I loathe and detest the AAAAATCHOOOOO! brigade sans hanky. All those horrid germs blasted around for me to catch. As a young teacher, I used to get incandescant when my naughty pupils used to exaggerate their sneezes to epic proportions in the classroom. One would do it and the others catch on until the whole room was a cacophony of sneezy decibels. I soon learned to write the time on the board and indicate that all time lost through this palaver would be made up during break, when they could sneeze to their hearts' content. Then they'd start coughing...

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 12:32 PM

Heh! Boy, would you ever hate my sneezes, Eliza. I do my best to produce a sneeze that strips paint off the walls, causes trees to drop all their leaves, breaks windows at 50 yards distance...we're talking A-bomb detonation here.

It's sooooo liberating! Really gets the cobwebs out, you know? Sometimes I have to do it 2 or 3 times now, which is strange...I normally only had to do it once when I was young. Those nasal passages must be getting more cluttered, I guess.

I do try to tone them down some, though, if I'm out at a restaurant or a movie or something like that....

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 12:40 PM

Hey LH, judgin' by yer sneezin habitz yer becoming more like Chongo the Chump every day.

Buy some tissuze fer Chrissake and start actin' like a human bean.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Leadfingers
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 12:44 PM

I gave up trying to stifle a sneeze when I had a cracked rib and hay fever at the same time .

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 12:44 PM

You dirty old thing LH, sneezing like that. Gets the cobwebs out? You have spiders up your hooter? I am perfect in every way, I use a tissue, quietly sneeze in a ladylike fashion and annoy no-one. Pray do the same!

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: gnu
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 01:01 PM

Yes.

My old man SWORE by sneezin. Learned it from Gramma Owens. It's an old... WOW! I just let one rip, as if... ANOTHER! THAT was wierd! Anyway, it cleans out the nasties, plain and simple. My old man would get the tissues ready and tickle the inside of nose gently with a toothpick until bringing on a another sneeze was getting difficult. He seldom had a cold and do not recall him ever having the flu. Of course, he was a heavy smoker and such also kills a lot of nasties... and people.

LH... you must be puttin a lotta thought into thread topics lately. Came up with some good ones in the last short while.

AHHHH! Psychosomatic or not, those two woppers just resulted in getting rid of something that has been bugging me since Monday when my ENT cauterized a spot in one nostril. Thanks, LH. You deserve a toothpick for that!

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Jack Campin
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 01:05 PM

I have really violent sneezes, probably hereditary - the only person I've ever met who sneezed the same way was my father. After getting a stent in a coronary artery after a heart attack, I started taking them more seriously - the wires of the stent are not all that strong, and the sort of violent shock inside my chest that sneezing produces could maybe snap them. So when I figured out the cause of the worst of my sneezing attacks, I did something about it. Turns out wheat (and some other gluten grains) sets them off. No wheat, no sneezes.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Crowhugger
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 01:23 PM

Looking forward to the mudcat sneeze channel on youtube. Mmmmmaybe not.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: GUEST,999
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 01:26 PM

Sneezes are fast. They travel about 100 miles per hour and can spread about 100,000 germs per sneeze. So, suppose you sneeze now in Orillia. In about 50 minutes the germs from that sneeze could be in Toronto. Now we know why there's epidemics. A hundred thousand people then go on to sneeze and voila, the whole world gets infected. I just did the math. This is serious. I think I'll write the WHO or CDC.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 01:29 PM

Hmmm. That's interesting, Jack. I think it's just common dust (or dust mites?) that sets mine off, but I'm not totally sure about it. I know one thing...I've haven't had any wheat products today, and I've sneezed a few times already. No major damage here. Just a couple of pictures fell off the wall...and I think there might be a new crack in the fireplace.

Eliza, even if I had some tissues ready in my pocket, I wouldn't necessarily have time to grab them with these sneezes. They strike suddenly without warning, like a V-2 rocket slamming into London on a quiet day back in '44. My only concern is not to scare the budgies so badly that their little hearts stop...

I would sneeze in a delicate fashion, Penelope Rutledge style, using a lace hankie...but I'm afraid that some people might get the wrong idea if I did.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 01:33 PM

Yeah, but 100,000 germs isn't really that many germs, 999. I've heard that over a million germs can easily fit on the head of a pin.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Bill D
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 01:44 PM

"I sneezed a sneeze into the air.
It fell to earth I know not where.
But hard and cold were the looks of those
In whose vicinity I had snoze."

.....various forms attributed to various sources


I don't sneeze a lot, but usually suddenly and often explosively. Commonly, a minor one often accompanies eating a peanut butter sandwich (in the morning only). I don't seem to have real allergies, and even though I work around wood dust, it doesn't seem to increase the frequency 'much'.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: frogprince
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 02:07 PM

When I sneeze, I SNEEZE !! My last five years on the job were in a stamping plant. Lots of presses, stamping small automotive connectors at machine-gun rates. No one went in there without decent hearing protection. When I let loose, I would see guys standing next to presses a good few yards away look around to see what happened. It usually takes a volley of three or four to get it out of my system. I dread the occasional time when I feel sneezing coming on when driving; I usually manage to stifle it down to a degree, which can hurt in itself, and so far have managed not to swerve off the road or into oncoming traffic.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Ed T
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 02:10 PM

My sneezes are rare, but when I have 'em they are tight and short - kinda like Arnold S. would call "girlie sneezes".

On the otherhand, when my spouse sneezes, it almost deafens me. That's most annoying to a "girlie sneezer".
:)

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Janie
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 02:24 PM

My sneezes usually provide the grand finale to a fit of coughing, and are accompanied, from all the pressure by a....oh nevermind!

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: gnu
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 03:26 PM

Patient : Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm. Can you tell me what I should take?

Doc : Pepper.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: My guru always said
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 03:55 PM

Twice, always twice...

I heard once that having a sneezing fit was a valid excuse to Insurers for losing control of a vehicle. Don't know if it's true though, so I don't advise you to try it!

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: gnu
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 04:10 PM

A buddy of mine tried the excuse of a coughing fit after he rolled his Chevy. Blood alcohol was up and the ins co said NO. He had coughed profusely in front of the investigating officer and kept swigging from a cough medicine bottle. All documented. He WON! But it cost him $3k... >;-) Contents of the cough medicine bottle were not analysed.

YMMV and so may the sale of your justice system.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 04:14 PM

I'm afraid that UK police officers would prevent him from swigging anything and stick a breathaliser tube into his mouth immediately. Rolling a car through drink driving is a serious matter, people could be killed after all.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Charmion
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 04:38 PM

I am famous --nay, notorious -- for my ballistic sneezes, which are capable of bending plate-glass windows. What's more, I actually go AAAH-CHOO, a rare thing.

My colleagues believe that I am allergic to work.

To avoid sharing my personal bacteria with the world, I normally sneeze into my elbow.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: JennieG
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 05:16 PM

With my eyes shut.

Cheers
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: DMcG
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 05:36 PM

My wife has a long build up of increasing valume .. ah ... ah .. AH ... *AAHHH ... - then the quietest imaginable 'tcho'.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: gnu
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 05:53 PM

"I'm afraid that UK police officers would prevent him from swigging anything and stick a breathaliser tube into his mouth immediately."

Contrary to law here. Can't do the lizer for a period of time after a sip or after a burp. So the police take the perp back to lockup and he has the right to call his lawyer and get him there. Arrangements are made so that the lawyer says he will be there in X time but he never shows up.

And if you don't think a DUI guy can pay his way out if there are no injuries.... shake your head.

Had a buddy hit a culvert and FLIP his truck onto a lawn. He CRAWLED to the flower garden and started eating flower petals. I am NOT shittin youse. It's in the court record. The Lizer results were deemed inconclusive because the police report stated that the residents of the house saw him do the flower thing. Now, I don't believe he did that... take a guess what I believe. And, next time you drive drunk (and PLEASE don't) make sure you buy some roses first, eh? and have several thousand dollars in cash.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Jan 13 - 08:15 PM

It is said that John Dillinger had a sneeze that could knock open the strongest bank vault doors. This is why his gang always took a little pepper along when they did a bank job. It also saved them from having to spend part of the proceeds on dynamite.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 20 Jan 13 - 03:49 AM

"Golden rod does it for me, Walt" Bob Newhart

I am alleged to sneeze loudly, and in threes.

RtS

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: My guru always said
Date: 20 Jan 13 - 03:58 AM

Good choice Charmion Dear! If you didn't have a tissue, sneezing into the elbow was recommended in the UK a while back when there was an epidemic of something or other. Saves spreading your bacteria into the air or onto your hands or other transmittable surfaces.

In the UK if the Police stop you and suspect you of drinking while in charge of a vehicle, they need to allow 20 minutes between the last drink and the breathalyser.

Don't know about 'burping', but I suppose that would make sense as it would bring fumes back into the mouth. I suppose there's something to be said for being able to 'burp' to order!

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 20 Jan 13 - 06:08 AM

According to TheSilentOne, I emit "toy sneezes." Usually only one at a time. I do unfortunately whiff and sniff a bit before it finally takes hold. The "Ahem" prior to the "Amen," so to speak.   Occasionally, I do sneeze a bit more robustly, but it is not a personal choice to do so.

TSO provides no warning whatever to a train of up to a dozen explosive sneezes which tend to plague him many a Sunday morning after he settles into marking student papers. I think he is allergic to work on the weekends and should get GP sign off from it.

The former spouse also sneezed loudly and often in long bursts of numerous high pitched "woman in a horror film" screams. Windows rattled, pets fled, infants wailed, and I contemplated methods of revenge. He was addicted to nasal spray which seemed to make the problem worse.

I have a colleague who without any such officious announcement, will quietly "wiska wiska wiska" about a dozen times every morning. She is a small woman sitting behind a tall partition. This is how we ascertain that she is in the office of a morning.

Gesundheit!

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 20 Jan 13 - 07:24 AM

Agreed myguru, but they certainly wouldn't allow you to swig anything while waiting the prescribed 20mins!

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 20 Jan 13 - 09:01 AM

I scare the cats -- and Tom says he'd run, too, if he could.

I seldom sneeze in public (unless you count the cats). Usually my sneezing fit (three or three minutes...) occurs at home, while sitting quietly in bed, reading and minding my own business. Starts as a tickle or twitch and then, whammo! Explosive and totally impolite aatchoos to expel the irritant.

Dust, cat hair, micrometeoritic dust...who knows what triggers it. We've got plenty of "all of the above" and as a housekeeper, I'm a total disappointment to a long line of nasty neat Midwestern Germanic women.

And since every hour the earth gains a ton of weight thanks to micrometeoritic dust, and I'm convinced my house is the epicenter, how the hell can I be expected to keep up?!?

Linn

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Mr Red
Date: 20 Jan 13 - 10:12 AM

loudly

I am told!

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: GUEST,Patsy
Date: 20 Jan 13 - 10:19 AM

It depends where I am. If I am at work or out and about I try to stifle the sneezes by holding the bridge of my nose and then using a tissue but at home in my own space I sneeze as loud as want. To prevent it turning into a full blown cold though I try not to blow my nose too much.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Jan 13 - 04:57 PM

You can often block an oncoming sneeze by firmly pressing your fingertips or knuckles into the flesh directly under you nostrils. There's a nerve in that area which, when stimulated, overrides the impulses from other nerves. The brain gives signals from that nerve a higher priority than the signal saying, "Sneeze!" Pressing in that same spot can also temporarily lessen the intensity of tinnitus (ringy ears).

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Ed T
Date: 20 Jan 13 - 05:17 PM

I know the topic is sneezes, but I came accoross this on Familyfriend poems



Ladies Don't Fart

"You are disgusting"
My wife says to me
When I passed some gas
While watching t.v.

With a guilty grin
I enter my plea
"Must have been the dog
'Cause it wasn't me"

"You are a liar"
My wife hollers back
"Came straight from your ass
I know for a fact

I told you before
Won't tell you again
Go to the bathroom
Before you break wind."

"You are disgusting"
I heard my wife say
When I passed some gas
While driving today

With a guilty laugh
I enter my plea
"Must be the exhaust
Cause it wasn't me"

"You are a liar"
I once again hear
"Roll down the window
I need some fresh air

Now why can't you be
Like me from the start
For I'm a lady
And ladies don't fart"

"You are disgusting"
Words ran through my head
As I watched my wife
Asleep in our bed

Really felt guilty
Shame every man knows
When without notice
A smell hit my nose

I said to myself
"It sure ain't perfume"
As a fart odor
Spread through the bedroom

Couldn't help but think
A man she must be
Cause ladies don't fart
And that wasn't me


Read more: Ladies Don't Fart - Funny Cute Poems http://forums.familyfriendpoems.com/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=13612#ixzz2Htdt4uEE

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jan 13 - 06:41 PM

Never stifle a sneeze unless you think it might be "detrimantal" to others in any way. There is a reason fer sneezin. Just like burps and farts... better out than in.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 20 Jan 13 - 08:27 PM

I am an inconsistent sneezer. But I'm inconsistent about most things.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Rog Peek
Date: 21 Jan 13 - 04:14 AM

I put my damned back out the other day, so I brace myself when I feel one coming on! At present, a sneeze is not just an inconvenience, it's bloody painful.

Rog

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 21 Jan 13 - 04:28 AM

gnu, "Where'er ye be, let your wind go free...
For the want of a fart was the death of me."

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Becca72
Date: 21 Jan 13 - 09:13 AM

I have a rather odd sneeze, I guess...not too loud, but sort of stiffled with my mouth closed so it's more "nasal". Stranger yet, my sister sneezes exactly the same way. I once had a woman at work tell me I'd damage my ears if I continued to sneeze that way (after having done it for about 30 years up to that point), to which I replied "what?"

I sneeze frequently, and always into my ELBOW (medical professional). I am allergic to just about everything. I always sneeze at least twice, usually many more times.

I remember growing up when you felt the urge to sneeze and it just wouldn't materialize, my grandmother would tell me to "look into a bright light". Works every time. I looked it up a couple of years ago, and apparently in some people the "sneeze" nerve and the "light sensitive" nerve in our brains are closer together than in other people.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jan 13 - 09:44 AM

Dachshunds go through amusing facial contortions when they sneeze. They have very long noses, so it's a major event for them. And very juicy!

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Rog Peek
Date: 21 Jan 13 - 04:18 PM

Thanks for the sympathy you lot, nice to know I'm surrounded by such caring people. HahaaaaaaAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHOOOoooooowwwwww!!!!!
Rog

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: gnu
Date: 21 Jan 13 - 06:36 PM

Wit me nose, buddy. oo don't, eh wha?

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Elmore
Date: 21 Jan 13 - 08:19 PM

Privately.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Jan 13 - 09:43 PM

I keep hearing about "sneezing into your elbow". How the hell do you do that? I can sneeze into my inner arm, but my elbow is on the opposite side of my arm from there. No matter how I try, I can't twist my own arm around far enough to sneeze into my elbow without doing severe damage. If I could do it, I'd probably wind up screaming into my elbow, not sneezing, in response to the excruciating pain that would result. Hell, I can't even see my elbow without a mirror!

And even if I could twist my arm far enough, how could I sneeze "into" my elbow? Elbows flex the wrong way. They make something like a cone, not a bowl. If you were able to sneeze onto your elbow, it would disperse germs, not contain them.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Jan 13 - 11:49 PM

You're one of those literal-minded types, aren't you? ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: Becca72
Date: 22 Jan 13 - 08:23 AM

your elbow JOINT has a front and a back side...

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: ranger1
Date: 22 Jan 13 - 08:36 AM

Explosively.

Subject: RE: BS: How do you sneeze?
From: frogprince
Date: 22 Jan 13 - 11:46 AM

"How do you sneeze?"

Sometimes from one end, sometimes from the other...