BS: Militant atheism has become a religion

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 07 Jul 13 - 10:31 AM

Can we get the thread to post 1234 and then stop. I believe it to be a holy number. I suspect some who has no knowledge of the English language will want to cock that up but we can just ignore it and bask in the knowledge that we are helping the less fortunate.

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket sans Clapton
Date: 07 Jul 13 - 10:53 AM

Ok. This is my contribution. A couple to go.

That's the problem with these religions. The adherents have to put up with those who don't know the rules. A fiver says some god botherer will post 1235.

How's about 12345?

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 07 Jul 13 - 01:46 PM

A fiver says some god botherer will post 1235.

I'll have a fiver on that too if I may. Any odds on who it will be? :-)

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,concerned.
Date: 07 Jul 13 - 05:00 PM

Concerened..? You bet I am!! You now appear to have added gambling to the rest of your godless habits..and as for batting balls around..nah..no hope for any of yer..at least jerk the sailor for all his faults..and that does include his maritime pretensions and posings..has not stooped to pretend to like this petite bourgoise hockey knocking..more overpaid so called sportspersons..it would be intresting to see how much tax these lot are AVOIDING?

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 07 Jul 13 - 07:51 PM

Jaysus Christ, concerened, I effing LOVE your style and attitude, babe!!! I think you are exactement the contrarian voice we need in our new sect. Hey, lads, can't you jest see it?? We state things, he demurs with BARBS par excellence! When have you seen a religion like that before! Contrived internal strife as dogma!

Shame about Swollox, Musket, but I take it from your taciturn stance apropos of my earlier anti-Swollox polemic that you agree to her sacking. I need to hoodwink people at our meetings, not poison the bastards. I'm rethinking stuff all the time here. Now this might sound like a peak too far (like a tyke trying to ascend Pendle), but I think we need concerened on board, big time. Yeah. Can we ditch the token woman thing about the third member of the Trinity...and get concerened into that much-coveted spot? He wont like me telling y'all this, but he loves dressing up as...a woman!! Get that frickin' beard off him and we're bloody there, innit! What's not to like! And, concerened, Musket and me, being all-friggin' knowing, know who you are! And we love you for it! Sort of! Grrr! (we are men, you know).

And we are detecting something of a soft spot for Wacko in your posts. Firm up, man, for Christ's sake, will you?

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket sans Clapton
Date: 08 Jul 13 - 06:25 AM

Thought it was spunky at first but he doesn't use big words in the same eloquent manner as concerned.

Fully agree that concerned can be our bitch. Err token woman. But etiquette and all that, shouldn't Dave get first dibs at not knowing how to reverse into a parking space?

I've written up the script by the way for our contrite apology. I notice that the main Christian religions are constantly issuing apologies for lack of safeguarding those they control, so thought I'd develop an off the shelf one ready for when the press start sniffing.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 08 Jul 13 - 08:24 AM

Bearing in mind that the difference between male and female Gnomes is negligible anyway I suppose I could consider it...

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket curious
Date: 08 Jul 13 - 09:17 AM

So how do gnomes work out who pockets the car keys when going to the pub?

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 08 Jul 13 - 11:08 AM

"Not knowing how to reverse into a parking space"? You mean, "not knowing how to reverse at all and refusing to even try when there's a wide bit three yards behind them but not one for half a mile behind you"? Gotta toughen up the misogyny slant, Musket. Here's another goodie: "Women drivers may not have many accidents but they don't half bloody cause a lot of 'em." I'm thinking that we need good stuff like this in our catechism. Embed it into our stated dogma, know what I mean? The emancipation of political incorrectness apropos of the weaker sex should be central to our doctrine, and it won't half make us popular with 50% of the population, a damn sight more than the C of E ever manages.

Anyway, here's a related treat from your big-hearted Messiah for anyone who hasn't seen it already. http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/?p=397&print=1

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket in 70s comic mode
Date: 08 Jul 13 - 05:14 PM

They don't have accidents but see plenty in their rear view mirrors! Boom boom!

You only need to beat 6% in order to have a better claim to having a vote in The Lords. Lying to Christians doesn't matter apparently, so we can browbeat the buggers.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 08 Jul 13 - 06:44 PM

" Lying to Christians doesn't matter apparently,"

Citing yourself as an authority? From a statement on this very thread no less!!

You and Steve certainly use the same playbook. "Because I sayeth" is a very demigod like thing to say. Keep up the good work. You'll get there.

Keep in mind that music is what keeps them in the pews. I know that Shaw plays the harmonica. But y'all are gonna need a bigger organ to satisfy the typical modern church lady.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 08 Jul 13 - 06:46 PM

"
Keep in mind that music is what keeps them in the pews. I know that Shaw plays the harmonica. But y'all are gonna need a bigger organ to satisfy the typical modern church lady. "

Think "pipe", not "mouth"!!

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 08 Jul 13 - 08:07 PM

Behave your bloody self, wacko. You're addressing Messiahs here. You do realise, don't you, that forty million medallions depicting you walking the plank are already out there? If you're not actually shitting yourself it's only because you probably happen to have stuffed something rather unusual up your maritime arse. Your face, possibly.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 09 Jul 13 - 02:02 AM

You would be more pleasant if you played a bigger organ.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket sans wurlitzer
Date: 09 Jul 13 - 02:17 AM

Well Jerk. You are a Christian and I have a huge organ. Would I lie to you?

It wouldn't be fair to say who, but I had a gentleman's bet on a pm that you would still be reading this thread and all I had to do was mention lying to Christians and your cage would start rattling.

Should have put a fiver on it.

Anyway, you can't be the Messiah. You are ordained to be the Messiah's agent. Mark Twain said so.   He said the first rotarian was the first person to call John the Baptist Jack.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 09 Jul 13 - 02:51 AM

Would an accordion do instead of a big organ? I can push it in and out all evening if required.

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 09 Jul 13 - 03:22 AM

Why wouldn't I do either Mr. Mather? I started the thread and your dishonesty needs pointing out once in a while.


Have your friend PM Me. I'll bet him that you will never grow up and stop calling childish names.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket sans truth
Date: 09 Jul 13 - 09:34 AM

Ok. You got me there.

Jerk.
Seaman Stains
Whacko
Jack the prat
Rt Rev Admiral Whackoff

By the way, he's your friend too. Or at least you have been known to quote him and agree with him.

Just out of interest, I would happily say I am a Christian if it got my children in a state school of my choice, and until a UK government reverses the outrageous faith state schools, most people do. But on a technicality, both my sons went to a comprehensive school with no religion rammed down their throats. So I never did say that, as I said at the time, my mate did and in similar circumstances I would. My taxes pay for state education, not the millions held in Church of England trust funds.

I answer to a higher authority. My responsibility to give my children a good start in life.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 09 Jul 13 - 01:42 PM

A good start in life is teaching them to lie?

Lie to their teachers?

Lie to their classmates?

Having them face up to the humiliation once they are inevitably caught?

All to get, as you put it, get "religion rammed down their throats."

What a profoundly stupid and amoral point of view.

You certainly appear to have the psychopathy to start your own cult. I shudder to think where this thread might lead.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket teaching ignorant foreigners
Date: 09 Jul 13 - 02:38 PM

They don't ram religion down throats you prat. They are not allowed to. Neither are they allowed to discriminate on delusion, but they do. Complaints that potential pupil's parents are asked if they believe in God are on public record.

So nobody is wanting their children in a religious school and neither are they joining such things.

If you don't understand other cultures, don't make yourself look a fool.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 09 Jul 13 - 02:56 PM

Have your friend PM Me

Excuse Me, but only Messiahs are to use capitals when talking about Themselves. Never let Me catch you doing that again.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 09 Jul 13 - 03:16 PM

I wonder where I go the idea that YOU thought that religion was being RAMMED DOWN THIER throats.


"But on a technicality, both my sons went to a comprehensive school with no religion rammed down their throats"

Its really not much challenge debating you when you can't remember what you said in your previous post.

Sad... so sad.....

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 09 Jul 13 - 03:31 PM

Well, I understood it. But I would I suppose, being in the know so to speak.

Quite simple really. Messiah M would have told his own version of the truth should he have been faced with the dilemma of sending his children to a school of an alternate religion but with a good academic record, or one with no religion but poor performance. I would hope that any God would do the same for his own. As it happened that dilemma was avoided by cleverly engineering the education system so his children could go to a good academy with no religion, or sans religion as our Lord spoketh.

Now, if I, a lowly electrolyte with little understanding of Gods, can figure that one out, why cannot le Matelot? I am getting closer to the opinion that the sooner the sacrifice is made and the medallions begin to take meaning, the better.

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

PS - I can now play 'We'll all gather at the river' on concertina. I hope that my meagre contribution will be taken as the theme to witness the sacrifice?

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 09 Jul 13 - 03:33 PM

PPS - Only 10 posts to go until the mystical number 1234. 1+2+3+4=10, 1+0=1, the number of the true faith!

just bollocks this time but no worse that the rest...

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket sans blood of the Messiah
Date: 09 Jul 13 - 04:17 PM

Bless you my gnome like son.

I find it fascinating how politicians expect god botherers to play by the rules and god botherers expect to write the rules.

The true faith cannot come soon enough.   

Oh, as I am a Messiah, quoting my real name is punishable by ripping out your tongue etc. See freemasonry for details.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 09 Jul 13 - 04:28 PM

"a lowly electrolyte "

Are you a member of the Order of the Salty Dog?

Interesting story behind that. The Miracle of the Salty Dog is told thusly.

Its master bought "How to teach your Dog Quantum Physics" which the dog immediately ate. A few days thereafter the dog shat out two testicle shaped turds which it sat on and attached in place of original equipment removed at the master's behest. The result being that the Salty Dog smells better than the master in spite of its nonstandard equipment and it continues to know more than the master about Schrodinger's Cat and about cats in general.

One noteworthy aside, when the dog drags its arse on the carpet, a static charge is built up in the pseudo-nuts. When it discharges, some call it "Balls Lightning."

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 09 Jul 13 - 06:24 PM

Now, gnome my son, Musket Their Lord, and other interested and sentient fellows, we have here a bit of a phenomenon. Wacko Jacko is attempting to add "humour". I mean, oh dear. Naturally, it isn't working, because (a) he isn't funny, (b) he's from the wrong side of the pond, (c) he's probably a woman of sorts. As know, women can neither park cars nor tell jokes. I know these things because they're covered on p.43 of our catechism. Wacko reminds me very much of that Match Of The Day joke:

"Hey, dad, did Gary Lineker spend a lot of time on board ships?"

No, sonny. He was a football legend. Why did you ask me that?"

"Because every time he comes on Match Of The Day you shout out 'Oi, Linker, you anchor...'"

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 09 Jul 13 - 06:27 PM

Messianic errors there were caused by the fact that I'd thought, in my eternal wisdom, that I'd hit preview. Clearly not, innit.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket sans Clapton
Date: 10 Jul 13 - 01:21 AM

Ah. The problem is that he isn't trying humour but humor.

A bit of a difference you see.

We need an ambassador from Dumbfuckistan I suppose, so best to get used to it.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Ebbie
Date: 10 Jul 13 - 02:13 AM

I'll bump all of y'all into the 30s.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 10 Jul 13 - 02:49 AM

"Wacko Jacko is attempting to add "humour". I mean, oh dear. Naturally, it isn't working, because (a) he isn't funny, (b) he's from the wrong side of the pond, "

This from someone who thinks "Monty Python" was one of those full frontal dancers from Sheffield.

The same someone beating this "start a religion" horse long after is staved to death from lack of outside interest.

You and Muskian talking about it are so unfunny, I am starting to think you are serious.

Applied for tax free status yet?

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 10 Jul 13 - 02:53 AM

Jack 12.32

And it came to pass that the number before the number before the number was reached.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 10 Jul 13 - 02:54 AM

12.33 Then the Number before the Number.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 10 Jul 13 - 03:00 AM

And The dog saw that the number was 1234. And the dog licked its pseudonuts and rejoiced and the over and done ness of the thread being apparent the dog was pleased and wagged its tail. The tail thumped quietly on the carpet.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 10 Jul 13 - 03:53 AM

Ahhhh, so le matelot was being funny AND clever in trying to steal the holy number. But it has backfired. As is the way of all faiths, should a prediction prove false, it is very simple to re-write the holy scriptures to suit the new circumstance. So, Purgatory no longer exists; we no longer have to fast before receiving the holy sacrament and, due to a typographical error resulting in the least significant digit being lost, the holy number is now 12345. 1+2+3+4+5=15, 1+5=6. 6, representing the mark of the best... So, monsieur, the Jacques on you.

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket sans blood of the Messiah
Date: 10 Jul 13 - 05:09 AM

Notice that?

Our holy decree that neutered dogs licking testicles they haven't got being a sign that dogs are capable of religion concept has rattled someone's cage.

Other than the failed bingo, which obviously lacked my expertise, the new religion seems to be getting stronger by the post.   We have come through the 1234 revelations scenario for which we must thank Brother Jerk, and we have good progress on the money laundering and setting up offshore accounts.   Less successful I'm afraid, is the abuse department. They have the disadvantage of not existing so on those matters, older religions will always have the edge on us.

Mind you, the discrimination and misogyny directorate have reported encouraging results. We told Betty Swollox we only gave redundancy to males so we saved lots of well misappropriated pennies there.

A workshop is being set up on how to lie to Christians.   The concept is easy. Just promise them what cannot physically be delivered. They are used to that sort of thing, falling for it most Sundays.

Atheist Liaison suffered a setback when we told them they all used to follow our religion but were traumatised by it. They unreasonably refused to accept our explanation.   The set of heathen c

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 10 Jul 13 - 01:56 PM

And the dog saw that its master was a lying hypocrite, again. The dog wept.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 10 Jul 13 - 02:51 PM

Gotta give Wacko full credit for the fundamental depth of his shallowness, eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 10 Jul 13 - 04:12 PM

Shallow fundamentalists eh? Now there's an idea...


bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 10 Jul 13 - 06:43 PM

We need a demon figure. Someone not important enough to be a threat but who we can at least tut-tut at, if you see what I mean. Someone who's all at sea with his notions. Someone to whom you can say "I'll get the sails down, you anchor". Someone who likes to yank the plank before walking it. Someone who can be to us what Mary Magdalene was to Jaysus and his merry men (grrr).


Wacko...?

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 10 Jul 13 - 07:34 PM

HELLO SAILOR!

Bollocks!

Ooops sorry, didn't mean to take the name in vain!

Don T. Penitent (I used to charge more, but the campers wouldn't stump up the higher rate).

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 10 Jul 13 - 07:58 PM

"Penitent". I get it, Don!! An almost messianic-style pun if you don't mind my saying so! I think you could well have a role here. We hate political correctness, as you know, and we cheerfully espouse misogyny. We're taking our cue from the Tories who spout disgustingly bad and indigestible populist stuff in order to gain what their bereft policies can't - votes! Bums on seats, what what!! It has been noted in the Palace Of The Messiahs (OK, a bingo hall just outside Sheffield that we get for ten quid on Thursdays) that you have a bit of a "thing" about cyclists. Well that happens to be bloody perfect! I've already arranged a date for a televisual interview on Beeb Five in which you and some bloke from Hertford (I think) called Keith (or something) will be invited to slug it out. "Keith" has agreed as long as you promise not to mention Palestine or Jim Carroll. Are we on or what?

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket thinking it through
Date: 11 Jul 13 - 07:17 AM

This tv interview. We need a token woman on the panel so we can patronise. Jerk! What are you like in stockings and sussywenders? You don't have to say anything intelligent so should be right up your street. If anything does get right up your street it serves you right, dressing like that.

Bloody hell, this religion lark writes itself! Just leave your cheques blank on the way out folks.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 11 Jul 13 - 08:00 AM

Pretty dull viewing though. Just watching two entrenched positions, even if we do have the glamour of Jill the Sailor. How about we get it on the Jeremy Kyle show instead? Not that I watch such things, non-Heaven forbid, but I have heard about it from some lower class acquaintances. We could have Mr Kyle providing high-drama lie detector results. Audience (congregation?) members chipping in. Mothers-in-Law slugging it out. Could be a onto something here. Could we get Jeremy sainted by any chance?

Another idea. Talking about lower classes, How about Katy Hopkins as the token woman? She has now made the bold step of saying she would not let her children (Poppy and India) play with children with stupid names such as Chantelle or Brooklyn as they are obviously from lower class families. She hates anyone called Derek or Mavis and she stood in for Malcolm McLaren in 'I'm a celebrity'. Who could have more perfect qualifications?

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 11 Jul 13 - 08:08 AM

...and talking of Sainting people. Can Ted Edwards be a saint too? I was chatting to him about the Da Vinci code some years back and said I could not believe that so many people saw it as factual. Quick as a flash he came back with 'the Bible has got away with it for Millennia' :-) The guy really is a genius, even after his stroke. Look up Ted Edwards, Folk Singer if you don't know him. DON'T follow Ted Edwards on Amazon as I did. Nearly got me fired!

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 11 Jul 13 - 12:05 PM

""Well that happens to be bloody perfect! I've already arranged a date for a televisual interview on Beeb Five in which you and some bloke from Hertford (I think) called Keith (or something) will be invited to slug it out. "Keith" has agreed as long as you promise not to mention Palestine or Jim Carroll. Are we on or what?""

Sorry Steve,

1. I'm not the right guy for the job, since I actually do have faith, though emphatically not religion, not even yours I'm afraid.

2. I don't as you rather gently put it "have a thing about cyclists". I have a thing about irresponsible, aggressive and/or dangerous cyclists. I also have a thing about people who will go to any lengths to minimise the size of that problem and who persist in saying that it is in some way insignificant.

3. I have no intention whatever of allowing KAoH to set the agenda for any meeting televised or not, and would in fact rather spend an hour in the company of Nigel Farage and Nick Griffin. They are at least honestly racist.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 11 Jul 13 - 12:15 PM

Tsk, tsk, Don. Using another thread to put forward your agenda on something totally unrelated. Despicable!

I think Don is a perfect candidate, Messiahs S&M. Will do anything to win converts. Just the kind of missionary we need. Could we find him a position?

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 11 Jul 13 - 12:30 PM

""Tsk, tsk, Don. Using another thread to put forward your agenda on something totally unrelated. Despicable!

I think Don is a perfect candidate, Messiahs S&M. Will do anything to win converts. Just the kind of missionary we need. Could we find him a position?""

I did not ask the question, nor did I bring up the subject. That was done for me by the questioner introducing Palestine

I was asked a question and I gave an answer.

I didn't smarm my way around the issue of my reasons, but honestly expressed them.

If you find honesty despicable, perhaps it is you who need some self examination.

If you want obfuscation and evasion I could suggest about five regular sources, but I don't think I'll bother.

In fact, I don't think I'll bother with this forum.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 11 Jul 13 - 12:52 PM

See what I mean :-)


bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 11 Jul 13 - 01:17 PM

Whoops - Premature posting again! Perfect in every way. Excellent skills for scripture writing as well as determined!


bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS