Need Accordion jokes

Subject: Need Accordion jokes
From: Len Wallace
Date: 04 Nov 99 - 10:47 PM

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Okay, okay. I play accordion. I LIKE accordion jokes. But I think I've heard 'em all:

1. What do you call an accordion player with a beeper?

2. My car was broken into and there were three more accordions in the backseat.

3. What is the similarity between premature ejaculation and an accordion solo?

4. What is the definition of perfect pitch?

5. What is the difference between accordion players and terrorists?

6. Difference between an onion and accordion.

7. How do you get an accordion player out of a tree?

8. How can you tell which car in a parking lot belongs to an accordion player?

I need new jokes!!!!

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 Nov 99 - 11:11 PM

Please see the two threads of Banjo jokes and insert "Accordion" for banjo.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Tom on Comfort
Date: 04 Nov 99 - 11:58 PM

Len, you need accordion jokes like the Pope needs pierogi.

Love, Tom

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 05 Nov 99 - 04:38 AM

Hey this isn't fair, I haven't heard half of those, and I have to live with 8 of the wretched contraptions. Please can you send me the whole lot, completed, to [e-mail] please???

Did you get the difference between melodeons and accordions? Accordions burn longer.

You could always substitute bagpipes (Highland pipes or bellows variety, it doesn't matter, but Highland are the more popular target) for the offending instrument, we have a set of those too, anyone want to buy a set of french pipes in dusky pink??

LTS

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: AKS
Date: 05 Nov 99 - 05:32 AM

Seen this one already?

http://www.mit.edu:8001/people/jcb/

AKS, Joensuu, Finland

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Len Wallace
Date: 05 Nov 99 - 09:55 AM

Answers to the jokes:

1. What do you call an accordion player with a beeper? - An optimist

2. Driving to a gig and had my best accordion in the backseat of the car. Decided I would stop into Seven Eleven to get a coffee. Suddenly realized my accordion was there for all to sea. Rushed back. Sure enough, the worst thing imaginable! My car was broken into and there were three more accordions in the backseat.

3. What is the similarity between premature ejaculation and an accordion solo? - Yiou know it's coming but you can't do a thing bout it.

4. What is the definition of perfect pitch? - That's the sound an accordion makes as it hits a banjo on the way to the dumpster

5. What is the difference between accordion players and terrorists? Terrorists have sympathizers.

6. Difference between an onion and accordion. You cry when you cut up and onion.

7. How do you get an accordion player out of a tree? Cut the rope!

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Winters Wages
Date: 05 Nov 99 - 10:11 AM

Hmpff!!....Im observing, reading, taking names...This is aggression! ***BG (Just kidding ) Winters Wages

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 05 Nov 99 - 11:26 AM

What's the definition of a true Gentlemen?

Someone who can play the Accordian, but doesn't.

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 05 Nov 99 - 01:02 PM

Thank you, more ammunition for my (not just) one woman war against the bellows.

I will say this for them, the soft back pack case that fits the concert pitch one, is great for using as a back pack, it is just the right size to put my files in, when I go off family history hunting.... And it gets me a seat on the tube (subway).

An acquaintance of mine once got drunk and left his melodeon on a bar table. He went on to a club, picked up a girl (we think she was a girl...), took her home, had a weekend of drunken debauchery, and the parents of all hangovers two days later. He finally pulled himself together to get to the pub for some hair of the dog, went down to the pub, and there, sitting on the table where he had left it, was the melodeon, untouched. See, like Yugo cars, it is pointless insuring them against theft, no one would ever steal them!!! (And yes, we had a Yugo, and yes, I left the keys in it, and yes, the car and keys were still there the next day!)

LTS

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: roopoo
Date: 05 Nov 99 - 05:41 PM

Why are squeezebox bellows the way they are? - Conveniently shaped for slicing.

And the old chestnut.... What do you call an accordion (or any other instrument you want to demean) at the bottom of the ocean? - A good start.

mouldy

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: _gargoyle
Date: 05 Nov 99 - 11:04 PM

THANX for the ammunition - it is best to anticipate the assult.

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 05 Nov 99 - 11:11 PM

What's the definition of a wonderful man with one fatal flaw? Well my friends, if you knew him, you'd know the answer is Len Wallace! Welcome Len. How's your year been?
Rick

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: John Hindsill
Date: 06 Nov 99 - 10:21 AM

"Accordian jokes" is a redundancy.

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Len Wallace
Date: 06 Nov 99 - 07:10 PM

Hi Rick!

Gee, thanks for the compliment (I think).

Hmphh! Well, here's another I came across:

Where's the safest place in the house to hide all your expenseive jewellery so that burglars won't find it?

In an accordion case!

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Frankie
Date: 07 Nov 99 - 08:02 AM

Here's one adapted for the squeezebox:

The difference between an accordion and a large pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of four.

F

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: CarolC
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 04:16 AM

ROFLMAO!

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Skipjack K8
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 04:59 AM

Me too, Cags!

Skipjack

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: GUEST,Long Firm Freddie (at work)
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 07:33 AM

If you dropped an Accordian and a Banjo off the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris at the same time, which one would hit the ground first?

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: John P
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 07:47 AM

A couple of years ago some scientists did a study and found that if you laid all the accordions in the world end-to-end between the earth and the moon, that would be a good thing.

John

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Wincing Devil
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 08:39 AM

Here's my favorite!

Wincing Devil>;-( Never piss of the accordian player, he might sic the banjo player on you!

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 11:55 AM

My favorite accordion joke was actually a "Far Side" cartoon, by Gary Larson:

In the top half of the panel, the scene is heaven. An archangel is greeting new arrivals: "Welcome to heaven. Here's your harp."

The bottom half is hell. The devil is saying, "Welcome to hell. Here's your accordion."

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: SINSULL
Date: 10 Oct 00 - 11:59 AM

I found a very appropriate Halloween card. The front is a red tinged photo of about 20 accordian players in various nerdy costumes - cowboy with oversized hat, thick glasses on an old fashioned school teacher, goofy geek with slick hair and glasses taped in the middle. The inside says "Another reason to keep the porch light on this Halloween."

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 12:29 AM

There are only two accordion jokes, the rest are true stories. There was a miscellaneous instrument joke about a month ago. If you dig it up there's afew in there.

Rich

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 11:34 AM

Dang it, WincingDevil, I didn't click your link until after I had posted my own description.

But it should interest you to know that Gary Larson objects to his cartoons being posted on the Internet, and he has written a rather sensitive and eloquent explanation of his point of view. Click here.

(I suppose I am walking a fine line here, in assuming that his objection does not apply to mere verbal descriptions of his cartoons.)

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Ebbie
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 12:15 PM

OBJECTION to the name of this thread! I keep glancing at it and getting a different read each time. Sometimes it's 'Neat Accordion Jokes', other times it says 'Need Accordion Jocks'...Just which is it?

I don't know if it's age related or from an overload of words packed into my puny brain but I've noticed in recent years that my mind will do that. *BG*

Ebbie

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Wincing Devil
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 02:31 PM

Jim Dixon:

I have stolen from you to avod stealing from someone with lawyers: http://www.digizen.net/members/vwilding/sqzbox.jpg is now an apology to Mr. Larson. The verbiage was stolen borrowed from your posting.

Q:Why are there so few female Accordian Players?
A:I don't know why either, but thank heaven for small favors!

Wincing Devil   >;-( Cat Motto: You can never have too many fuzzy mice... )

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 11:07 PM

Ebbie, in my opinion, both are appropriate. ;-)

BTW, this is an old thread. I brought it back to life because I enjoyed it so much, and I thought there might be a couple of other people around here who would enjoy it as well. I don't know if Len Wallace is even aware that it's currently active, so he may not be looking for accordion jokes around here any more. Please don't let that stop you from posting them, though!

IMHO, two of the finest things in life are jokes and accordions. What could be more fitting than to put the two of them together?

Carol

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Troll
Date: 11 Oct 00 - 11:26 PM

Why did the accordian player marry the banjo player?

Upward mobility.

Long Firm Freddy: The Accordian player would hit the ground first. The Banjo player would have to stop to re-tune.

troll

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: GUEST,aussiebloke
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 02:38 AM

You are driving down the street, and there is a Morris Dancer and a Squeezebox player walking along ahead of you. Which do you run over first?

The squeezebox player, as it is business before pleasure...

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: GUEST,aussiebloke
Date: 12 Oct 00 - 02:40 AM

What is the principal use of banjos?

Kindling wood for squeezebox fires...

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: Ely
Date: 13 Oct 00 - 12:54 AM

1. How do you get two accordions to play in tune?

Shoot one.

2. What does it mean when the accordion player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?

The stage is level.

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From:
Date: 24 Sep 04 - 12:59 PM

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HOOVER VACUM MACHINE AND AN ACCORDION PLAYER?

ON A HOOVER VACUM MACHINE THE DIRT BAG IS IN THE INSIDE.

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: GUEST,Larry K
Date: 24 Sep 04 - 02:24 PM

The difference between an accordian and an anchor?-   You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it in the water

Subject: RE: Need Accordion jokes
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Sep 04 - 07:40 PM

why is an Accordion player and a foot massage

A foot masage bucks up the feet