BS: Care Homes

Subject: BS: Care Homes ~ the Good, the Bad, & the Ugly
From: Claire M
Date: 06 May 13 - 03:05 PM

Hiya,

I was always afraid of them, & thought they were nasty places. & a lot were. aThey insisted on giving people loads of drinks, then they got the supplies out for incontinence instead of doing the sensible thing. There was 1 hoist, which the manager said was only to be used 4x per day. My friend was crying, shaking & dripping. I thought they should be evacuated, shut, then bombed, re-built & bombed again.

Then I had to move into a small one. Until somebody checks to see if I'm OK/I need something I forget it's what it is. People keep themselves to themselves & like to repeat themselves a lot, but it feels like a big block of flats.

I've got lots of fantasy stuff & folklore on the walls, & when I had what I refer to as "a problem" or (as dad calls it) " when the levee breaks" they helped me STRAIGHT AWAY, reassuring me & even joking with me about it. Not knowing me, my likes/dislikes, or needs didn't stop me being taken to see Maddy Prior & meeting her properly. Care in the community would give me none of that.

So I wrote to the Sun, & the manager loved the E Mail so much she wants to send it to her Big Boss.

Am I losing my marbles ??

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 06 May 13 - 06:01 PM

I think care homes do vary a lot Claire. With regard to incontinence problems, dignity for the resident is of primary importance. There should be enough staff to attend to needs quickly. It's important for disabled and movement-restricted people to drink plenty of fluids to maintain good kidney function. I'm glad you've got your choice of pictures on the walls and can pursue your interests with assistance from staff. It doesn't sound as if you're losing your marbles, you sound as if you've got your head screwed on firmly! Hope you'll be very happy there and manage to make some friends and 'do your thing' in an independent way. Good luck and good wishes! Eliza x

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 07 May 13 - 12:26 AM

what Eliza said -

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: Ebbie
Date: 07 May 13 - 12:33 AM

I'm glad for you, Claire M. May it only get better!

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 08 May 13 - 11:29 PM

It is good that you are doing so well there. I'm glad you wrote a letter about the good things. Now if you ever complain about something, people will know that you are not the kind of person who only complains!

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: Claire M
Date: 20 May 13 - 07:03 AM

Hiya,

Thanks. I told a friend in another one where I was likely to be moving to & she slurred "I didn't like it" so I had that in my head when I moved. Just how bad was it??

One of the very few bad points is that I never know what mood most of my "flatmates" are going to be in. One of them said if I wasn't patient I would get ignored!

That's the worst thing to say to an anxiety sufferer, esp. one who is terrified of care homes. I suppose pain can do funny things to you. The younger staff have all told me they wish people chatted more but you can't make people chat when they don't feel like it. I'm not sure I want to chat to people who say things like that to me anyway.

& at least I'm not shaking & crying like I was in the other places.

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: gnu
Date: 20 May 13 - 05:10 PM

Well, if that's the case, it must be an okay spot to be. Hope it continues to be such.

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 21 May 13 - 12:01 AM

Mmm. I hope so, too.

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 May 13 - 02:00 AM

me, too.

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 21 May 13 - 07:47 AM

Glad to see things seem a lot better.

"Care in the community" all too often means "neglect in isolation".   Where it actually lives up to what it says, it ought to mean all the kind of stuff you say it can'f, especially as the right kind of help as and when and where you need it. But it's a term that has been misused so much that it's time it was pensioned off.

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: billybob
Date: 21 May 13 - 08:35 AM

So glad you have found such a wonderful caring place
Wendy

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 21 May 13 - 01:32 PM

When the time comes, and one has to lose their "toys" (computer access, etc.), it's time to walk off a tall building.

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: gnu
Date: 21 May 13 - 06:21 PM

Not everyone lives in the centre of the universe as do you, Q. >;-) Some of us have to walk in traffic. Me, I am goin out in my Ford at high speed. Preferably at the dealership.

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 21 May 13 - 07:43 PM

What model Ford?

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 21 May 13 - 10:03 PM

Hi, Claire. I'm so glad to hear that your new place is good.

Here's something I read about that may apply to you. I was reading about premature babies who in hospital, and the author said that "If you visit your baby, the staff will take better care of it."

I'm not going into the reasons for that, but it probably applies to patients of all kinds. If you encourage people to visit you, the staff will see you as a more treasured, a more monitored, and a more important person. It's true that it sounds like they are doing a fine job now, but there's no harm in keeping them motivated where you are concerned.
==========
Did you ever have that birthday party you were dreaming of?

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: GUEST
Date: 21 May 13 - 10:03 PM

Until your last dying moan

Do not go to the hotpiss home.

View your estate's executor
As your living world's final executioner
Do not go gentle - make your heirs groan.
Do not go gentle to the hotpiss home.

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: gnu
Date: 22 May 13 - 06:14 AM

Hmmm... in the light of a new day, I don't find my joke very funny. My apologies to anyone who didn't like it when I posted it.

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 22 May 13 - 12:41 PM

Don't worry, gnu. We know your intent.

Care homes scare me to death.

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: Claire M
Date: 15 Jul 13 - 02:50 PM

Hiya,

Is that a song, gnu ??

Well it can be true – depends how long you've been waiting for said p*** for. Was already as nervous as a virgin in a brothel re moving, but made mistake of watching __ing Panorama programme, which I could've happily lived w/o. The things I hope get done to that lot!

Merlin (dog) jumped up to lick my face & sat w/ me for ages while I sobbed into his fur – most of us are in chairs, which he taught himself to jump up so I could give him a hug – so now when he visits he thinks everyone wants a kiss.

Obviously would rather not be in said situation as a lot of people who live here, by & large, don't talk sense (one woman, 51, told me about 20x that she'd been a good girl cos she'd cleaned her teeth – isn't that something you just do w/o thinking ??) aren't people I either have anything in common w/, nor would I want to spend any time w/ them w/o need; but i'll do anything for them & I do try to keep conversations going although ½-♥-edly cos I know I'll never get very far .
Get on well w/ most staff though which is the main reason I live here. I'm working towards living in the community while I've still got this place to fall back on in case it doesn't work.

When my aunty visited she said I get on better w/ my parents than I used to!

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 15 Jul 13 - 04:56 PM

Good luck, Claire. It's a permanent uphill battle, isn't it? Always remember, you're in charge, and they are there to help you exercise your freedom. Our motto in helping our daughter get what she needs to live in her own home has been "never take no for an answer".

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 15 Jul 13 - 10:48 PM

I'm hoping for more people with whom you have something in common to enter your life.

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 Jul 13 - 01:55 AM

I'll second that

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: Claire M
Date: 18 Jul 13 - 02:33 PM

Hiya,


So do I, thanks ..
I was terrified given experiences I had before. Staff didn't even do the basics. My old, disabled cat – my Oscar -- got treated better than I was, & my parents thought it was shocking – they don't complain a lot so that gives you the general idea.

A lot of people who live here can be quite childish, which makes me look normal. One carer asked me why I was here. I said it was for the hoist. She said I was too clued-up to live here!

Before moving I had a very vivid dream I'll never forget cos it was horrible.

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 19 Jul 13 - 02:07 AM

One carer asked me why I was here. I said it was for the hoist. She said I was too clued-up to live here!

good one!

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 19 Jul 13 - 07:37 PM

I think the term "carer" ought to be reserved for family - people employed to provide help and support are better called "care workers".

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 19 Jul 13 - 10:31 PM

Good point, McGrath, though I hope that some care workers do come to care. However, here in the US I think it must be easy for them to get burned out--low pay, lousy benefits, high numbers of people to care for, expecting to go home at the end of 8 hours and finding that someone is not showing up for the next shift and thus being mandated to work two or more consecutive shifts, etc. I hope things are better for workers where Claire is.

I had a friend who was in a nursing home for several weeks. She was a model resident, always sympathetic to the workers, making few requests, etc. When a worker was getting stressed, he/she would often come to my friend's room for a few minutes to de-stress. A few years later I spent two months in a hospital for physical and occupational therapy after a medical disaster. I tried to emulate my friend, and I know the staff appreciated that. However, I know there is a big difference between being in a similar place for a long time instead of a short time.

Claire, I continue to hope that things work for you where you are now or until you find someplace that meets your needs even more.

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: Claire M
Date: 22 Jul 13 - 01:37 PM

Hiya,

From my other experiences a lot don't & few do. I think it depends what type of person the carer is; you either want to do it or not, & if you don't you shouldn't. If you join up & decide it's not for you, leave ASAP.

I think it's very short-staffed here, but they're too tight to pay for more. My mum says that people in care homes are becoming more disabled. She's right.

I often think a "model resident" means one that doesn't make any requests at all so the carers don't have to do anything. I try not to use the necklace unless there's something I need.

Luckily I can occupy myself & be happy w/ or w/o people around me; people here can't change TV channels or even have a cup of tea, which would kill me – not being able to make it was/is bad enough. The friend I dragged to Steeleye struggles to talk but he picks stuff up for me/squeezes my hand if i'm spasming, so I get him to sign what he needs. Staff ask me what he's saying.

There's a lady who works here who also loves folklore/magick etc. I was spasming one day & she says "may the Goddess protect you" – when she said the word Goddess he looked at me & slurred "Maddy Prior"♥ (ahh)

There's one man here who's 42 but he's got a very low mental age. He's obsessed with what the time is (I'm number dyslexic), wears 2 watches – 1 on each wrist – & tells everyone that they both look different. His music taste is brilliant ('50s rock & roll), he's polite to the point of it being a bit creepy, & sees everyone as a friend. His obsession can drive you mad, but the world would be a better place if there were more like him.

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 22 Jul 13 - 09:41 PM

It seems like there should be places for people who need care, but not a lot of care, and that those places should have hoists for those who need them. It seems like in addition to needing more workers, care homes need more and better equipment.

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 23 Jul 13 - 01:12 AM

A friend is looking for a permanent place for her 55 year old sister who is physically & intellectually disabled & can't live alone anymore. Finding the exact place for a person is hard - even tho we have many nursing homes there are not always spaces, & some are better than others.

Her sisters are helping her downsize as she is a collector, an artist & loves craft & I'll be keeping some of her craft supplies at our craft group. We're not sure how she will fit all the stuff she needs to keep, moving from a 1 bedroom apartment to one room is not something I'd like to do. I need everything I have!!

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: Care Homes
From: Claire M
Date: 23 Jul 13 - 11:29 AM

Hiya,

Agreed – my aunty's Italian neighbour's daughter is too, so is my mum's friend's; 1 from birth, 1 not. I think the not is worse. Were I not in a wheelchair I would be likely to enjoy the same things I do now, but said Steeleye-loving friend used to be fine.
I'd rather he still was.

Having nothing wrong & suddenly needing everything done for me would kill me.