Lyr Req: All About Turds

Subject: All About Turds
From: Vienna
Date: 07 Nov 99 - 09:49 AM

I am looking for a song with the refrain, "It's a wonderful song, but it's all about turds," heard at Fox Hollow FF, sung by Susan Boyer Haley.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: Freddie Fox
Date: 07 Nov 99 - 04:48 PM

Might it be this one?

A little old woman in London did dwell, She went to the doctor, she didn't feel well, He gave her some medicine to make her feel fit, He gave her some tablets to help her to [snifffff]

Tooraloo, wait a bit, It's a jolly fine song and it's all about [snifffff]

If that's anything similar I'll try to remember the rest.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From:
Date: 07 Nov 99 - 05:02 PM

I looked at this in thoughts it might be a song about some of the sillier / nastier contributors to discussions, but no.
A fine entrant in the competition for the least needed addition to the Digital Tradition. Well done.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: Freddie Fox
Date: 07 Nov 99 - 06:39 PM

That strikes as maybe a tad spiteful - the song I'm thinking about was sung regularly at ECWS musters to great applause [OK, so maybe it wouldn't be funny without the alcohol and the campfire]; by the way, did you make your message anonymous by accident? I was just wondering...

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: MMario
Date: 07 Nov 99 - 07:38 PM

"A fine entrant in the competition for the least needed addition to the Digital Tradition." BUT - isn't it JUST this type of song that 1) is transmitted orally? 2) probably will last generations.... 3) you won't find in songbooks?

ie: this is folk. Like it or not, it's a valid contribution to the MudCat and possibly even the DT!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: TonyK
Date: 07 Nov 99 - 10:49 PM

I've heard this song, too but not in many years. The chorus I remember is: "Sing along, sing alay, a rolling stone gathers no moss so they say. Sing along with the birds, it's a wonderful song but it's all about turds." I'd be interested in the rest of it myself. Who knows, perhaps with the way TV is going you might here it on a FOX network sitcom or maybe commercial.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: Barbara
Date: 07 Nov 99 - 11:57 PM

I've heard it, too, and I can't remember where. Faith Petric, maybe? On a kids' tape? Tom Hunter? Comeon smarts, do yo' stuff... well, I'll get back to you. Sorry,
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: Bill D
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 12:10 AM

oh, sure...we can get that soon...I know Joe Hickerson has sung it around here,,,and several others, Im sure...I'll find it if other's don't beat me to it

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: Sandy Paton
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 12:16 AM

Come on, guys, I'm counting on you! I urged "Vienna" (a very well-informed folksong purist and a friend of long standing) to seek the song through the web's finest source. I'll look for the full text when I get back home tomorrow. I know you'll have it here!

Sandy

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: alison
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 12:17 AM

Here's an earlier thread which has the words freddie was thinking of

Old woman from Belfast

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: Boarding Party (KC)
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 03:54 AM

OK,

My remembrance or this song zeros in on Andy Wallace, original Clearwater crewman, banjoist among many other accomplishments.

The only verse I can recall is

He came from the East, he came from the West, When a great big turd hit him right in the chest. He came from the North, he came from the South, When a great big turn hit him right in the mouth.

Chorus Sing along, like the birds, Its a wonderful song and its all about turds.

This is not the same as "There was an old women from Wexford". Different tune (different outcome)

I vaguely remember the chorus bit "Sing along, sing alay, a rolling stone gathers no moss so they say" [TonyK] but I also seem to remember it equally with out that part.

Without a doubt Andy could have learned it a Fox Hollow or the t'other way round.

Surely there must be more (and more literate) verses?

KC

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: Jeri
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 08:25 AM

From Black Widows Women's Rugby (and if the pre-formatted text thingie doesn't work, I'll put the stupid line breaks in):

There was an old lady ...

  There was an old lady who lived in the street,  Her passage was blocked up from too much to eat,  She took stomach pills without reading the box,  Before she could think turds were flying for blocks.    

Chorus:  	Too-ra-li, too-ra-li, too-ra-lay, too-ra-lay,  	A rolling stone gathers no moss so they say,  	Sing along, sing along, with the birds, with the birds,  	It's a wonderful song but it's all about turds.    

Well she ran to the window and stuck out her arse,  Just at that moment a p'liceman came past,  That poor old p'liceman was eating his pie,  Whena steaming hot turd hit him right in the eye,    

[Chorus]    

Well he ran to the East and he ran to the West,  When a further consignment hit him right in the chest,  Well he fled to the North and he fled to the South,  When a bloody great turd hit him right in the mouth.    

[Chorus]    

The next time you walk over Waterloo bridge,  Look out for a p'liceman asleep on the ridge,  His chest bears a plackard, around it these words,  "Be kind to this cop who's been blinded by turds"    

[Chorus twice]    

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: Jeri
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 08:38 AM

AAARRGGGHHH...that looks like...

-------------------

There was an old lady ...

There was an old lady who lived in the street,
Her passage was blocked up from too much to eat,
She took stomach pills without reading the box,
Before she could think turds were flying for blocks.

Chorus:
Too-ra-li, too-ra-li, too-ra-lay, too-ra-lay,
A rolling stone gathers no moss so they say,
Sing along, sing along, with the birds, with the birds,
It's a wonderful song but it's all about turds.

Well she ran to the window and stuck out her arse,
Just at that moment a p'liceman came past,
That poor old p'liceman was eating his pie,
Whena steaming hot turd hit him right in the eye,

[Chorus]

Well he ran to the East and he ran to the West,
When a further consignment hit him right in the chest,
Well he fled to the North and he fled to the South,
When a bloody great turd hit him right in the mouth.

[Chorus]

The next time you walk over Waterloo bridge,
Look out for a p'liceman asleep on the ridge,
His chest bears a plackard, around it these words,
"Be kind to this cop who's been blinded by turds"

[Chorus twice]

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: Barbara
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 11:52 AM

Yay, Jeri! Sandy, old man, where ya been? And a folk purist wanting a song about TURDS? Aw, come on, Sandy, don't give me no sh*t...
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: Freddie Fox
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 01:24 PM

Well, it looks like more or less the same song all through, but the version above is somewhat different from the one mentioned in the previous thread [not the old woman who wanted to murder her husband, the other one with constipation], but the version I know is slightly different again. They probably all started off as the same song, and over the years were varied from place to place. I find it fascinating the way the folk tradition does that, until some smart alec does a definitive version on record and all of a sudden you can't find the variants anymore!!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: Davey
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 02:53 PM

I learned the song from an album by Oscar Brand, and it's practically identical to the one Jeri posted above. The difference is that it's a cowboy who got hit, not a policeman.

As an aside, Oscar Brand put out more than 20 folk albums, but is best known for three or four bawdy ones. I have 3 of the latter, and none of the first. (Shows you where my mind has been..)

Davey... (:>)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 03:47 PM

It's a variant of a fairly common song usually called Blinded by Shit (or, for the prissy, Bl*nd*d by Shit). See Medeline Schmidt in the DT

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: Sandy Paton
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 08:17 PM

I guess it's time for this old folk fogey to defend once again the virtues of the oral tradition. Let me direct your attention to the work of one of the nation's greatest folksong collectors and scholars, the late Vance Randolph, who wrote the definitive works on Ozark folksong and lore. Gershon Legman recently edited two massive volumes of Randolph's bawdy collectanea, stuff which no one would publish in more prudish times, but which has been thriving in oral tradition for centuries and which Randolph collected cheerfully. No genre of traditional song has been less influenced by print, thus remaining pure for the purists among us.

Dear Blessings-Barbara, perhaps this will explain my interest, and let me assure you that my enthusiasm for such material is strictly academic! In fact, I once gained the academic admiration of the very demanding John Greenway simply because I knew more verses to the infamous "Ball" than even he knew, and he was sure that his own collection was worthy of international recognition. Thus you'll find me in complete support of MMario's observation in the posting above: this is pure folklore, unsullied by the prissy attitudes of Mrs. Grundy and Professor Bowdler.

So, let's have a rousing cheer for good Rugby players everywhere for their invaluable contribution to the living tradition of unadulterated smut! Hip-hip!

Sandy (DOM)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: Sandy Paton
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 08:31 PM

And an aside to KC: Didn't know you were one of us, KC, old friend! I asked David Diamond for the song at NOMAD, then I asked Greenhaus himself, and both denied knowing it. Too bad I didn't ask Jeri, although I note that her contribution relied on a Rugby songbook. Had we but known, I could have taken her over to Vienna's place, about 15 minutes from NOMAD, to deliver the text in person. But then, we'd not have a valuable new Mudcatter and I might have remained unaware of KC's presence. What a crew we have assembled here!

Sandy again

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: raredance
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 08:39 PM

Ah, Dick, the typo bug can hit anyone ( it has permanent residence on my keyboard), it is "Madeline Schmidt". Ed Cray ("Erotic Muse" Univ Illinois Press)lists a version with verses 1,2 and 4 of the DT version. The maiden in that version is "Adeline Schmidt". Cray calls the family of songs "Blinded by Shit" and suggests that it may have originated on the British stage or music halls. The "Blinded by Turds" euphemism may well have originated with Oscar Brand, because he did write to Cray requesting that he be given credit for it. Cray found the version with the "Too ra li... rolling stone gather no moss..." chorus in a 1968 book called "More Rugby Songs" authored by "Harry Morgan" who may not be a real person. Another version collected by Cray is below. Mst version use derivations of the "Villins & Dinah/Sweet Betsy from Pike" tune.

There was an old lady I'd have you to know,
Who went up to London a short time ago,
She liked it quite well and she thought she would stay,
The neighbors were tickled when she went away.
Singing Brown, Brown, Dirty Old Brown.

Now when this old lady retired for the night,
She said, "Oh, gor blime, I believe I must shit."
There's no use in talking about things that have past,
So up went the window and out went her ass.
Singing Brown, Brown, Dirty Old Brown.

There was an old watchman who chanced to pass by,
Looked up, got a chunk of shit right square in the eye,
He put up his hand to see where he was hit,
He says, "Oh gor blime, I'm blinded with shit." Singing Brown, Brown, Dirty Old Brown.

Now this poor watchman was blinded for life,
He had five healthy children and a fine fucking wife,
On a London street corner you may now see him sit,
With a sign on his chest reading, "Blinded with shit."
Singing Brown, Brown, Dirty Old Brown.

gotta go

rich r

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: Jeri
Date: 08 Nov 99 - 10:23 PM

Sandy, if it makes a difference, I've sung that song (well, the chorus part) a few times. I didn't know the verses, and had to rely on scholarly research. (AltaVista)

For anyone who enjoys smutty songs, I highly recommend Flying Booger's Half-Mind Catalog which is basically for and by the only bunch of folks possibly more disgusting than rugby players - hashers.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: Boarding Party (KC)
Date: 09 Nov 99 - 03:25 AM

Sandy, Thanks for the kind welcome.

There's even more to Rugby singing than just the songs - Things such as singing "Good Night Ladies" to invite the departure of "sensitive ears" and the use of "Why Was He Born So Beautiful" to draw attention to a faux pas.

And best of all is the untrammeled erruptions of songs with grand choruses that sound better as the post-game party winds to its oblivious conclusion. I recall seeing a conga line of naked men snake out of what is now the Irish Times in DC (near the train station), go around a lamp post and back in singing I can't remember what. It is truely possible to win the game and lose the party.

Being located in a region that considers it impolite to sing on choruses, I appreciate that more than ever.

My own Rugby experience involves a brief stint with an American side hosted by the Heidleberg Rudder Club. We played other clubs in Germany including the "C" side of the British Army of the Rhine's (BOAR) Dusseldorf Dragons. I never forget hooking against a 45 year old Quarter Master Seargent Major (QMSM) shaped like a fire plug with no teeth. Despite spending the day beneath his cleats, he taught us the best songs.

A hearty second to Jeri's endorsement of hashers - The Drinking Club With A Running Problem - songs (hymns as they call them) . I "ran" into this tradition briefly in Orlando, FL. Seems it was started by British ex-pats in Kuala Lampur in 1938 This is the community (ex-pats in Germany, West Africa and Saudi Arabia as well as DC) from which I've learned more than a few songs.

Rule Britania, marmalade and jam 5 Chinese firecrackers up your arse hole Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam

I never cease to be amazed at the depth that the "forum" brings out.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: Micca
Date: 09 Nov 99 - 06:30 PM

Apropos of Bawdy songs, has anyone else got this problem I know a lot of Bawdy songs but can only remember the complete lyrics when drunk. i had to write down the words of "Large Balls" when drunk and re-learn them sober so I could sing it for a friend.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: All About Turds
From: _gargoyle
Date: 09 Nov 99 - 10:39 PM

Met the same problem most recently

Told a chap about my delight in finding lyrics to the "Black Watch/42bd"....and recited some of the lines...he responded with a long ribald version from his college days....something to the effect of "Some of them have balls of leather....Some of the them have balls of glass....Some of them....

However, the next morn.... on the phone.... he denies ever knowing such a thing.