BS: Proff that I exist....

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 28 May 13 - 11:40 AM

For a while some years back, a popular gimme hat in the aircraft shops said:

"If it ain't broke I ain't worked on it yet."

The guys who wore them knew what it meant. Most of the management never figured it out.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Bobert
Date: 27 May 13 - 07:48 PM

Yo, Eb...

I once worked for a guy who said, "If ya' ain't screwing up, ya' ain't doin' nuthin'"...

I get that...

I am one busy boy...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Bobert
Date: 27 May 13 - 07:34 PM

Ya'll hurtin' my head now so I guess that proffs I is...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Joe_F
Date: 27 May 13 - 06:23 PM

"I" is short for "the person who wrote this or is talking to you". Thus, "I exist" means "Someone wrote this or is talking to you". Upon reading this, you have therefore only to decide whether the text you are reading is the result of human action or is a fortuitous consequence of solar flares corrupting the Internet. I await your judgment.

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 27 May 13 - 06:18 PM

Chongo's method for Bobert to prove that he exists by visiting BillD is obviously completely fallacious, since what he describes for Bobert to do is exactly what BillD might expect a Bobert would do, and hence it does nothing to resolve the question of whether Bobert is a figment of his own imagination or a creation of BillD's.

It does not prove that Bobert thinks therefore Bobert is, rather than that BillD thinks Bobert thinks and therefor Bobert is. Of course there's the converse where Bobert thinks that BillD thinks so BillD exists only because Bobert thinks he thinks.

The problem of Chongo is of course more complex since obviously Chongo only thinks he thinks, so he can only think he thinks that either Bobert or BillD thinks, therefor leaving some uncertainty as to whether either of them actually "is." Had Descartes said "I stink therefore I am" perhaps Chongo would be the only one of us here, since there would at leaste be an element inherent certainty in the premise.

John

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Bill D
Date: 27 May 13 - 06:14 PM

I am informed by the Google thing that the silly odd limerick was written by W.S. Gilbert, and actually goes:

"There was an old man of St. Bees,
Who was stung on the arm by a wasp.
When asked "Does it hurt?"
He replied, "No it doesn't.
I'm so glad it wasn't a hornet."


...which may make more sense-- if it makes any sense at all.

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Bill D
Date: 27 May 13 - 06:05 PM

Well Bobert... maybe the dead one that got me about 10 years ago was like yours. He didn't speak, so I couldn't tell by his accent. I was looking for the leak in my attic air conditioner, and had its lid off, reaching in and feeling around in an inch of water, when *ZAP*... my finger felt like I'd been struck by lightning... pulled it out with this DEAD hornet still attached. I told it it wasn't my fault he'd gone and drowned in my AC.

Throbbed for hours and swelled up all nasty like...

"There was an old man of St. Bees*,
Who was stung on the arm by a wasp.
When asked "Does it hurt?"
He replied, "Yes it does.
But I thought all the while 'twas a hornet."

*St Bees is a village and civil parish in the Copeland district of Cumbria, in the North of England, on the Irish Sea coast about five miles west southwest of Whitehaven.

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: gnu
Date: 27 May 13 - 05:14 PM

Once bitten, twice allergic. Them the J-Hornets look a size! Myabe that's what happens forst time around? Also, I see that they will attack a bee nest an kill em all... might be part a yer prob.

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 May 13 - 04:19 PM

I've heard that in scorpion country you gotta ALWAYS shake out yer shoes before pullin' 'em on...or else. The little critters feel safe inside a nice dark shoe.

What do these here Japanese hornets look like, Bobertz?

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: GUEST,Ebbie
Date: 27 May 13 - 03:18 PM

Beaubear, your life is downright interestin', it just might kill you someday. Shake out your shoes next time...

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Bobert
Date: 27 May 13 - 03:17 PM

Yeah, Chongz... I beat on him with the shoe he's spent the night in until there were two pieces of him, both still alive... Then I sprayed both halves with hornet killer and then when I was sure they were both dead I scooped them up onto a piece of cardboard and then introduced them to my septic tank by way of the toilet... He's dead...

What, Bill??? You don't have or know about these critters... I'm sure you have them in Maryland 'cause we had 'um back in Wes Ginny... I got hit one time by one obn the back of my right arm during a zesty session with the mother of my son... Took the zest outta it real quick... Sumabich bled all the way down my arm but I didn't have no reaction like the one today... Guess I am now allergic???

No matter... I'm gonna find where these guys live and put a whup on 'um with the hornet spray... The worst part about this is that most folks who are allergic to hornet stings are also allergic to wasp stings and we are having to leave the wasps alone to pollinate our plants 'cause we ain't got many honey bees because of Big-Ag... I might have to buy a hive and go back to whuppin' up on wasps...

B;~(

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Bill D
Date: 27 May 13 - 02:00 PM

Japanese hornet? We have import bugs to torment us now? Maybe the Department of Defense oughta know about this....

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 May 13 - 01:53 PM

OUCH! Geez, Bobertz, you are one unlucky son of a gun. But at least you know for sure now that you exist. Didja finish that hornet off this time?

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Bobert
Date: 27 May 13 - 01:36 PM

Well, Chongz... I thought that was a purdy good idea so I slipped on my garden shoes this morning to go fetch the hammer... Unbeknownst to me the Japanese hornet that I thought I had killed last night had climbed into the right shoe...

Just got back from the ER where they had to inject a bunch of steroids and other stuff in me 'cause I had welts popping up all over my body the size of ping pong balls and my throat was closing up... I'm kinda better now and have lots of meds to take for the next week...

Bottom line??? Think I'll pass on the hammer... This hornet sting is like fire and my foot is all swelled up... You know, kinda like yer head... Anyway, I'm feeling real existin' today...

B;~(

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Ed T
Date: 27 May 13 - 11:55 AM

""Is he in there?
Nope, lucky for him, otherwise I would have slapped his corpse""
Wreck-It Ralph quote


"Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not 'every man for himself.' And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked 'em up."
- WANDA (Jamie Lee Curtis) in A Fish Called Wanda (1988)

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Ed T
Date: 27 May 13 - 11:50 AM

I'm not sure, from what era have you been transported?

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 May 13 - 11:15 AM

Somethin' like that coulda helped Reagan stick around for another 10 or 20 years.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: gnomad
Date: 27 May 13 - 08:20 AM

I just giggle over it being a self-certify form.

I wonder whether one such might have helped Dr Frankenstein's creation?

"I am aliiive, I have signed a form that saaaays so."

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 May 13 - 12:20 AM

I got an idea, Bobertz, to put yer mind at rest. Ya know that hammer that ya lost, then found again? Take that hammer in yer right hand and whack one of yer big toes real hard with it. If it hurts like hell...you exist! If it don't...then maybe not.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 May 13 - 11:07 PM

Then you get a "Certificate of Non-Living Existence." No good for pensions in Italy but fine for voting in Chicago.

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: frogprince
Date: 26 May 13 - 10:41 PM

So if you die do you have to turn in your "certificate of living existence" to the government?

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: gnomad
Date: 22 May 13 - 06:07 AM

I wonder whether one of these might help? Certificate of Living Existence (PDF) the Italians thought this one up in order (among other things) to prevent pensions being paid to those who are dead.

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: gnu
Date: 21 May 13 - 06:10 PM

Well, if the IRS jails ya, ya cease to exist iffn ya ever did.

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Bobert
Date: 21 May 13 - 05:13 PM

Yeah, that certainly might add to the list of evidence that I exist...

Nothin' like jail to change one's perspective...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 21 May 13 - 01:27 PM

Get caught by the IRS and jailed.

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 21 May 13 - 12:55 PM

Bobert's erotica!

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Bobert
Date: 21 May 13 - 08:26 AM

I'm pretty sure the rat's ass exists but not too sure about the rat's ass hole... I mean, well... Never mind...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 21 May 13 - 02:56 AM

...and for you, Sweetheart, I arose to the occasion......this thread or another??

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 May 13 - 02:25 AM

I resurrect thee.

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: gnu
Date: 20 May 13 - 05:49 AM

"mistyped 'proof' as 'proff.'"

Proff is the pluratitude of proof and prof in Bobertt world.

I am human, therefore I be.

My question is, does a rat's ass exist? I don't mean any particular rat's ass or all rats' asses. Of course, in the innuendo, I don't give.....

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 20 May 13 - 01:11 AM

Amos: "".........or what is a "meta" for?".........loosening up!

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Amos
Date: 20 May 13 - 12:13 AM

A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what is a "meta" for?

AJ

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 19 May 13 - 10:45 PM

Hey Bobert...What would be easier to prove(or 'Proff', as you prefer), that you exist....or Obama is an honest cat???

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 19 May 13 - 07:58 PM

Bobert, that is so, so true.

I'm sorry to hear that there are days when you wish you didn't exist. When that happens, get out the gitar...

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Bobert
Date: 19 May 13 - 07:50 PM

With all this Bobert exists, no he don't stuff I'd like to just throw in the following: There are days when I wished I didn't exist... That's further proff that I might exist...

That's my story...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Bill D
Date: 19 May 13 - 07:27 PM

"I never met a phor I didn't like"

          -Chongo Rogers

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 19 May 13 - 06:05 PM

I was speakin' metaphorically about the "in yer face" part....meanin' a direct confrontation, see?

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 19 May 13 - 05:19 PM

I sometimes think you may all be a construct of an overwrought computer...

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Ebbie
Date: 19 May 13 - 04:52 PM

"...grab his nose HARD between 2 knuckles, pull his head down sharply, and shove a cream pie in his face, then spin him around and give him a good hard kick in the ass and say, "There, I exist! That's right...it's ME, Bobertz. In yer face, buddy!"

As a visual, Chongo, this lacks something.

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 19 May 13 - 04:06 PM

I think Rap's proof is one of the best. As the person most involved in cleaning floors at my own house, I can see the compelling argument that if Bobert did not exist, the beer he drinks would mess up the floor.

But on a higher philosophic level we know Bobert exists because he mistyped 'proof' as 'proff.'   If Bobert were some kind of hologram generated by evil AI, with language supplied by downloaded lexicons, he couldn't misspell anything even if he wanted to.

"I err, therefore I'm human."

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Bill D
Date: 19 May 13 - 02:50 PM

I never trust people who knock on my FRONT door. Everyone who knows me comes to the downstairs door.

(I am convinced Bobert exists... I went to his old place in Wes Ginny twice, and the things I saw could not have been created by anyone or anything except a gen-you-wine Bobertism entity.)

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 19 May 13 - 01:52 PM

Bobertz, why the hell would you even care if BillD or anyone else thinks that you don't exist? What difference does it make what they think about it? It's irrelevant.

What I suggest, though, if it's really botherin' you, is you go visit BillD. Knock on his front door. When he opens it, grab his nose HARD between 2 knuckles, pull his head down sharply, and shove a cream pie in his face, then spin him around and give him a good hard kick in the ass and say, "There, I exist! That's right...it's ME, Bobertz. In yer face, buddy! Ya satisfied now?"

That oughta put any remainin' doubts in his mind to rest. I once did this to a guy in Boston who had claimed he doubted my existence, and he's been tryin' to do me violence ever since...that proves I have convinced him of my existence, don't it?

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: gnu
Date: 19 May 13 - 01:37 PM

Hahahaaa! Great thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 19 May 13 - 12:28 PM

Buy bullshit? It is free at mudcat.

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Amos
Date: 19 May 13 - 12:02 PM

You can't prove Bobert exists by proving that his corporeal body exists. How do you know someone else isn't actually driving it instead of Bobert himself? But I suspect that the fact that Bobert began this thread does prove he exists, because iof he didn't the thread would not be here, and you would not be reading it. In which case the thought that he is proven to exist would not enter your mind, and therefore he might not...

Life is really tough when you buy bullshit in the large economy size.

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 19 May 13 - 11:52 AM

Bobert, fall down the stairs, break your neck, and see if anybody comes to pick up the body.
If an obit is printed, there is some evidence that you did.

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 19 May 13 - 10:56 AM

As I get older and older, I sadly get shorter. Something to do with the bones of the spine. I shrink, therefore I am.

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: GUEST,Musket sans yard brush and hose pipe
Date: 19 May 13 - 09:41 AM

My greyhound fell in the pond earlier. He must therefore exist.

I stink therefore I am. (He insists on eating blanket weed and parrot weed. Mind you, he then licks his arse to get rid of the taste.)

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Bobert
Date: 19 May 13 - 08:36 AM

Yup, Rap...

Skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop...

Nevermind...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Proff that I exist....
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 19 May 13 - 08:21 AM

Proff that I exist and proff that I can't spell.

And from Monty Python,

Rene Descarte was a drunken fart,
I drink therefore I am.

and maybe I can't spell either.

Dave H