BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column

Subject: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: olddude
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 12:16 PM

Well since Dear Abby is gone I though our Mudwomenz could help.

Dear Mudcat Abby
Last night I woke up and while walking to the bathroom fell over the 8 pairs of shoes that my Mrs left next to the bed. My question is how many feet does Womenz have? Did I without realizing get married to a centipede ?. Any advice you can give would be appreciated. How many feets does most womenz have?

Signed
Knot on Nogging

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Bobert
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 12:40 PM

The P-Vine has two feet and can kick my butt with either of them if I complain about tripping over her shoes...

She says that if I don't like tripping over her stuff that I should invest in some diapers and rubber pants so I don't have to get up in the dark to pee...

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 12:57 PM

Dear Mudcat Abby
could my bride have been secretly replaced by Imelda Marcos? Is it possible that she had a shoe sale recently? Can only 1 shoe be sold on ebay?

any advice would be appreciated
signed
swimming in shoes

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 01:13 PM

A shoe addiction is better than what my late friend Fernley had, an addiction to buying little china figures, dogs, cats, pots, horses. The house was absolutely choc-a-bloc with them and her poor husband couldn't move without knocking one over and smashing it. She also liked those horrid soft toy teddy bears, and to get into bed, he had to shift about twenty of the buggers from the coverlet to the chest of drawers, knocking over yet more Beswick horses and Sylvac dogs. You be grateful it's just shoes mate!

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Charmion
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 01:28 PM

Dear Swimming:

You're not going to get anywhere complaining either to your wife or about her. If you seriously want the shoes out from under the bed, ask your wife if she would like to have the bedroom closet renovated, the new arrangements to include everything her little heart desires plus a large and appealing rack for shoes.

Alternatively, you could try getting out of bed on your own side. Why are you climbing over your wife and getting out on her side?

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 01:36 PM

Dear Swimming: Recall the immortal words of Nancy Sinatra:

These shoes are made for walking
And that's just what they'll do . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Leadbelly
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 01:38 PM

I suppose there's a wall on swimmings side.In so far he has to climb over his darling regularly which she likes asking to him "Stay a little, my love".

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 01:41 PM

Dear Mudcat Abby
did the little china figures have any little nuns for SINS to put on her fireplace shelf?   Is it ok to bronze 8 pairs of shoes by the bed?

signed
Footman

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 01:45 PM

Dear Shoe Swamped:

Buy a nice sheet of Red Oak plywood (or whatever wood is your fetish) and 1/8" dowels to match. Drill the dowel holes in the plwd at 60 degress and screw the sucker to the bedroom wall next to the closet. A sufficient number of seasonal shoes can be hung on the dowels. Then, be a man and tell yer better half that any shoes found on the floor in footpaths shall donated to Headstart or some such charity without her knowledge and, when asked, "Have you seen my yellow with purple polka dot cross-trainers?" relpy, "No."... (real) men are want to actually ANSWER a damn question.

I hope this helps.

Sincerely,

Abbey (chanelled thru gnu)

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: ClaireBear
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 02:10 PM

Or, find a nice narrow shrub with lots of heavy branches suitable for hanging shoes on -- here in California I'd use a manzanita; don't know much about east coast shrubs -- cut it down, strip the leaves, mount it on a base. You'll have the definitive shoe tree.

Then you might put your eye out running into a high heel in the middle of the night, I suppose, but at least you won't trip anymore.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: MikeL2
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 02:15 PM

Hi Swimmings

I am married to a centipede as well as you !!!

We have just spent 6 glorious days in Wales...but I ask you 14 pairs of shoes for just 6 days???!!

And who do you think has to clean those blasted things eh ???

At least my "missus" doesn't leave her shoes out for me to fall over....or she won't have anyone to sit for hours in a shoe shop while she buys more of the blasted things.....and guess who pays.....yes me......cash and carry that's me.....lol

Cheers

Mike

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Will Fly
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 04:10 PM

Dear Mudcat Abby,

I have this compulsion to buy old pocket watches and wristwatches. I'm easily tempted to buy them and am spending all my money on them, bit by bit.

When I hear the word "Montgomery", I start salivating, and my best friends are called Hamilton, Waltham and Elgin. I think I'm losing my marbles...

Help!

Sincerely,

R.R. Grade

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Amergin
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 04:17 PM

well, like the advice Mudcat Abby imparted through the voice of John Prine....you are what you are and you ain't what you ain't.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 04:36 PM

You should write to Dear Chongo, Dan. He had an advice column going here awhile back, and you can probably find it with a brief search. Chongo knows all, sees all, tells all. Just ask him.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Greg F.
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 05:03 PM

You need feet to stand up straight with.
You need feet to kick your friends.
You need feet to put your shoes on
And keep your legs from fraying at the ends.

You need feet to join the army
And to dance the hoochy-koo
Yes, the whole world needs feet for something
And I need feet to run away from you.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 05:15 PM

Not bad! ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 05:56 PM

Dude,
I would be happy to lend you Alice who has taken to peeing in and on shoes. No - I don't know why. I rarely do with Alice.
I solved my problem with coat trees where I hang my shoes when I walk in the door. Problem solved.
Now tell me what to do about my "little" problem.
My Christmas Cactus did not look too well so I brought some Miracle Grow to work. A few drops in a bottle of water and lo and behold! New growth.
Unfortunately I inadvertantly drank the plant food. So how much does it take to kill a SINSULL? How soon will symptoms set in? Besides diarrhea (it is always diarrhea) what can I expect over the next 24 hours? How will I know if it is the plant food or the dicey curry I had for lunch.
SIGH
It's always something.
SINS (burp)

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 06:05 PM

Alice is acting up due to her fear that you may perish from inadvertently drinking plant food and leave her without staff!

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 08:14 PM

CBear... what a lovely idea! Will... hahahahahaa! (Sorry, Dan... it WAS funny.)

SINS... get a load of rolls of swipe and sit in the greenhouse.

Dear M-Abbey

A rather comely young teller at my credit onion makes, perhaps, seemingly "vague advances", of which I am uncertain and that is why I ask your advice. Today, whilst making a transfer of funds between accounts, she asked me - again! - if I wanted a frozen turkey as she lives alone with two young daughters (who, she emphasized, spend the weekends with her ex) and she never cares to cook these turkeys given to her by her employer and union at Kissmeass because she and her daughters comprise such a small household. Do you think she wants me to cook her turkey or wants me to cook her turkey? If I do decide to cook her turkey, should I ask her if she wants it stuffed and how she wants it stuffed or should I just surprise her.

Sincerely,

Tom Turkey

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: kendall
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 08:36 PM

This is one of the best threads yet!


My wife used to go to England once a year for three weeks. Then it was twice a year for three weeks, now it's four times a year for a month. She's hanging out with strange people, one of them plays the banjo, and she's out late every night at some folk club, (she says).

How about I get me a spare? Rent a wife? What do you say?
An ad in the personals? How about something like this:
WANTED; A young woman to assume missionary position in Scarborough Maine.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Bill D
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 08:48 PM

I have 3-4 times as many shoes/boots as my lovely wife....as I never throw any away. You never know when those worn Earth shoes might be needed for a painting project.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 09:04 PM

Dear Sins (burp)
I have consulted higher authorities and assure you that you will be fine. However you may find that your nose hair growing like grape vines and become green in color. However, soon enough Christmas will be coming and think of the money you can make renting yourself out as a living mistletoe

signed
Mudcat Abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 09:12 PM

Dear Lonely in Maine

By all means, post an advert for a tart but include in the qualifications that she have a spare room for you at her abode on accounta when Jac gets home ya won't even be able ta fit in the dog house after she kicks yer butt.

Mudcat Abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 09:26 PM

Dear Lonesome Kendall in Maine
It is entirely you right to post such an ad .. but may I suggest that the Ad include selling your partner to the Gypsies for Whiskey. A good single malt goes a long way these days

Signed
Mudcat Abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: kendall
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 09:32 PM

Something tells me I had better reconsider this whole thing.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 09:43 PM

Dear Mudcat Abby

I just got a text from "her". It read, "I love anal." I am distraught. I am old fashioned, I guess, so I am not into anything but "old fashioned love". Am I being prudish or should I be bold and open to things I never would have considered in order to satisfy her "wants"?

Wait... got another text. She meant to text, "I love Alan."

Nevermind.

Signed,

Relieved in Moncton

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Cap't Bob
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 10:20 PM

Dear Mudcat Abby
       Unfortunately I married a female clown and she has unfeasibly large feet with shoes to match. There is a pair to go with each of her clown costumes Our closets are so full of clown shoes that our clothes clutter up most of the floor in the bedroom. My problem is that when I stumble over the clothes should I fall on my right side, my left side, or my rear end? Possibly I should stop drinking water?             Confused

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 13 - 10:30 PM

Dear Mudcat Abby

A very attractive woman whom I have deep feelings for recently confided in me that she has fallen in love with a Chimpanzee who works as a private investigator in Chicago. I fear that I may have lost her forever to...an ape! (sob!) What should I do?

Bereft in Orillia

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 08:01 AM

Dear Bereft

A monkey from The Windy City? Blow her off.

mc abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 09:13 AM

Dear Capt Bob
if you tell me the clown shoe size I bet I may have a match for you in the sea of shoes my missus has

Abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 09:15 AM

Dear relieved
well all I can say ... there is no accounting for taste ... my thoughts and prayers for the young lady that is smitten for YOU

Abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 09:16 AM

Dear Capt
can I have your old car after Jacqui kills you for your post on this thread

Abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 09:18 AM

Dear Bereft
Are you sure you are talking monkey love and not monkey sex

Abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 09:21 AM

Dear rr collector
I see no problem with your watch collecting. Time waits for no one. You show great intelligence and wise decision making by purchasing such. One suggestion, you may want to invest in a wiener dog and avoid Jell-o also

Abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 09:55 AM

Dere Aby,

Thers a fin ladee at Sal's hous that wonnt haf nuthin to doo wit me evin tho I pay up an tipps rele gud.

Shud I tak a baf? Las tim wus jus befor rondup las fall.

Yur fren,
A cowboy

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: olddude
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 01:01 PM

Dear cowboy
No never takin a baf makes ya smell reeel girly .. cowboyz dunt like that much. try rubbin chewin baccy under ur pits instead

aby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 01:44 PM

Dear Abby,
If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 02:19 PM

They sitteth well above the fray, observing us mortals from the heavenly realms.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Ebbie
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 02:21 PM

"If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?" And if everyone in heaven gets a mansion, there are going to be a lot of lonely people.

You're welcome.

Aunt Mudcat

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 02:36 PM

Why?? Can't you have your own mansion, and not be lonely??

GfS

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 04:52 PM

Dear Mudcat Abby

Psychotics build sand castles in the air. Neurotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Rita Rudner

(One of my all time fav comdeians.)

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 04:54 PM

I think that Heaven is a state of mind, Ebbie...not a measureable 3D space somewhere with walls put up around it.

A given state of mind could also be referred to as "a mansion", I suppose....or "a hovel"...depending on its general characteristics.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 06:51 PM

Dear Mudcat Abby
Absolutely mansions in heaven where else can ya store all those shoes

Signed
For sale

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Cap't Bob
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 08:40 PM

Dear Abby
Clown shoes are measured in their length 17" is actually 17 inches long.
Typically clown shoes are around 13" to 17".      Cap't Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Janie
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 08:51 PM

Dear Cap't Bob,

Landing on either side or your rump is fine. Just don't fall on your face.

Or if you do, twist and turn as you fall to be sure your schnoz is cushioned by one of those big clown shoes. To hell with your back. It is doomed as you age anyway.

Mudcat Womanz.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Cap't Bob
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 09:12 PM

FOR ALL THOSE INTERESTED IN CLOWNS LARGE FEET ~ SHOES ETC. A couple of clowns from Australia wrote a great song (at least I like it) dealing with this issue. The last part of the video has actual pictures of clown shoes. Check it out:   

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPI2c-SuYPM&list=FL0I6IXvvFy8TrFPkocKGR6g&index=7

Cap't Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 13 - 09:32 PM

Dere MC Aby,

I done did whut yo sade an rubbed some chawin baccy in ma pits. Now this hear mule ho wurks in a mine wont lev me alon an I think that mule is in luv with me cuz it keps rubing it assend on me an I aint no miner.

Wat shud I do now?

Yor Fiend,
A Cowboy

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Janie
Date: 04 Aug 13 - 12:40 AM

Dear Cowboy,

Accept the inevitable. Kiss it.

yers truly,
MC Abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 04 Aug 13 - 01:40 AM

thanks for the link Cap't Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 13 - 05:47 AM

Link not found.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 04 Aug 13 - 06:09 PM

For anyone who can't see the video, which is colorful and fun, you might see if you can listen to the song on Wacko and Blotto's Myspace page which is here. https://myspace.com/wackoandblotto/music/songs It's called "Bon Fromage" but has nothing to do with cheese, "bon" is pronounced "bun" and the English lyrics are sung with an attempt at a French accent.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 13 - 08:50 PM

Der Abbee,

Mule's got a big ACM brand on the lef hip. Do yo think I shod take it bak ta Butte?

Yur frined,
A Cowboy

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Bobert
Date: 04 Aug 13 - 09:05 PM

Dear Abeeee,

Can you send me a bag of weed??? I mean, it can go C.O.D...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Cap't Bob
Date: 04 Aug 13 - 10:38 PM

ChanteyLass ~ thanks for the Myspace link.   Cap't Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Don Firth
Date: 05 Aug 13 - 02:13 AM

OH. . . !

I've got to read these thread titles more carefully.

I thought this was going to be about a spinoff of "Downton Abbey."

Hmm. . . .

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: frogprince
Date: 05 Aug 13 - 10:27 AM

Dear Abby,

Sometimes the last thing I say to my wife before going to sleep is "Thank you Charlotte". Every time I say that, she pinches me somewhere on the posterior so hard it just about about draws tears. Why do you suppose she would do that?

                Confused Froggy

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Don Firth
Date: 05 Aug 13 - 01:12 PM

Well, Froggy, if your wife's name is, say, Jennifer, I think I can understand why. . . .

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,Abby
Date: 05 Aug 13 - 04:54 PM

GfS, in their spaceships naturally, where they discuss our performances telepathically.

kendall, you need to drink more obviously, because if you did, your sex drive would go whoosh! Out the winder! Then you wouldn't need a new woman after all. Btw, when you have sex with your wife, does she close her eyes and think of England?

olddude, you need to drink less obviously...


                                          Abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 13 - 05:42 PM

Dear 05 Aug 13 - 04:54 PM

You are obviously an imposter. To wit: "kendall, you need to drink more obviously,..." Your grammar is atrocious, your "advice" even moreso, your false assumptions far worse, and your attempt at shock humour is inane and, at best, left unwriiten.

MAbbychannel

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,Abby
Date: 05 Aug 13 - 07:08 PM

Shock humor? Hardly. This is an inane attempt at shock humor:

"I just got a text from "her". It read, "I love anal..." Ugh! Go back to your trough!

"and your attempt at shock humour is inane and, at best, left unwriiten." Really? Well, let's break it down: attempt is, at best, left unwriiten? Don't you mean better left unwritten? And more so is two words.

Go back to your trough and take your atrocious grammar and spelling with you, Lil' Piggie!

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 13 - 07:19 PM

Are you attempting to insult my friend, gnu? If so you can but fail miserably as he cannot be insulted, only complimented.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Bobert
Date: 05 Aug 13 - 07:39 PM

Nuthin' in my mail box, Abeeee...

Where's my weed???

B~

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,Abby
Date: 05 Aug 13 - 09:31 PM

Bobert, be serious. How can I send you weed when the NSA photographs every piece of mail? You should stop by though because I do have some pretty good stuff, not as Willie Nelson's mind you, but not bad.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Aug 13 - 10:28 PM

Chongo's advice column has this one beat all to hell.

You wanna really KNOW what to do in a difficult situation? Ask the Chimp.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 06 Aug 13 - 04:02 AM

Dear Bobert, As your dear P-Vine is a keen gardener why would you encourage the importation of weeds?
Puzzled and Naive of Ascot

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 06 Aug 13 - 08:43 AM

Dear Abby
I found something green in my chicken soup ... what is it?

signed confused

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Aug 13 - 11:32 AM

Jello? Just a guess.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 06 Aug 13 - 12:07 PM

NOOOOOOOOOO !!!

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Becca72
Date: 06 Aug 13 - 01:00 PM

Dear Mudcat Abby,

After returning to Mudcat after a couple of days I learned that some poor, unfortunate women only have eight pairs of shoes!! Please tell me this isn't true!

Signed,
Imelda

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 06 Aug 13 - 01:22 PM

Dear Mabby

An anonymous poster at a website has such poor grammar and sense of humour and has such low self-esteem that it stoops to responding to my posts with condescending vitriol laced with moral superiority... even attacks my oblivious yptos. How can I reach out to this person to help them or slap some sense into them?

Should I even try or should I just let them Jack off on me for their Jolly Rogerings?

comtemplativegnu in Kent County, nb.ca

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 06 Aug 13 - 05:52 PM

gnu - What ya gotta do is quite simple: hire a Chimp to hunt down this bozo and smack some sense into him. Chimps will work for either bananas or cash, and they get the job done.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Bobert
Date: 06 Aug 13 - 05:56 PM

Okay, Roger is right, Abeeee...

Just send me some seeds...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 06 Aug 13 - 07:30 PM

Dearest Chongo

Read between the bananas.

Mabby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: kendall
Date: 07 Aug 13 - 07:42 AM

My wife will be home from a month in England on Sunday. What would happen if I act like I don't remember her?

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Aug 13 - 09:50 AM

Try it and see... ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 07 Aug 13 - 01:48 PM

Dear Kendall in Maine

She'll have the doc sign the papers, assume power of attorney, you will end up in a nursing home, and she and Becca will go on a shopping spree with your money.

Or, she will end up in jail on charges of assault with a deadly knitting needle.

Mull it over and let readers know what you decide. I really wanna see where this goes.

Mabby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Bobert
Date: 07 Aug 13 - 01:56 PM

No, no... I kinda like Kendall's idea... Plus, no matter how it turns out with jacqui, he'll have some new material for his next book which may very well be titled "No Guts, No Glory"...

B;~)

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Becca72
Date: 08 Aug 13 - 10:51 AM

Hey, how did I get thrown into this?? :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 08 Aug 13 - 05:19 PM

Becca... your complicity is necessary for the thought to plicken. It can't be a tale of mystery without some nuance of sheer madness and unpredictability. And, who better to play that role? >;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Aug 13 - 07:14 PM

:-)

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 09 Aug 13 - 07:15 AM

Dear MAbby

After cooking a roast of beef, how many weeks can the roasting pan be left unwashed? I have heard it should be washed ASAP but it's summer and I don't use the pan very often in hot weather.

Bachinit, Moncton

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Becca72
Date: 09 Aug 13 - 08:46 AM

LOL Gnu. Ok, for you I'll play along. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: jacqui.c
Date: 09 Aug 13 - 12:00 PM

Dear Abby

I'm a bit concerned about my husband who seems, during my absence, to have developed a death wish. Since his every wish is my command what would you suggest?

The Keeper Of The Cellar

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Aug 13 - 12:01 PM

Dear gnu, you are on the right track: If it is not needed any time soon one needn't wash a roast pan at all. Put it on your back stoop. Opossums, raccoons, skunks and chipmunks will do a superlative job on it. Bring it back inside in the fall after the weather cools.

M'Abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Becca72
Date: 09 Aug 13 - 12:16 PM

Uh oh, Dad...cue the scary music.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 09 Aug 13 - 03:39 PM

By all means add to the shoe collection. Eventually, will it to the Smithsonian.

This thought popped up when a recent news item from the Philippines said that the Imelda Marcos shoe collection would be featured in a special museum.
It seems that they realized that it would be a great advertisement for Philippine-made shoes.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 09 Aug 13 - 03:53 PM

Dear MAbby

The roaster still sits unwashed but I have hopes it will soon be clean as I have found a way to make dishwashing fun. I would like to share my tip with you and your faithful readers. It's called "Kitchen Art" and here is a visual demonstration.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/15565423@N05/9475120728/

Now, if THAT there doesn't wanna make ya do dishes, crack un autre et call a pizza eh le!

Bachinit in Moncton

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Aug 13 - 03:59 PM

Your 'Kitchen Art', gnu, is an inspiration. I keep 'hearing' them all crash to the floor. Pure poetry.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 09 Aug 13 - 04:20 PM

Mine do not crash, Ebbie... I are a injuneer. That pic is actually tame compared to some I have built. Hey, ya gotta wash dishes while the water is hot eh?

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: kendall
Date: 09 Aug 13 - 05:55 PM

da da dum dum dum...tick tock tic toc..DON'T LET HER GET ME Mr. Smee"!

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 09 Aug 13 - 07:19 PM

Dear Mabby

Ya want some tomatoes? Take a tomatoe. Here... take a tomatoe, eh? Ya gotta take a tomatoe. Take a f***in tomatoe! I got tomatoes up the ying yang. PLEEEASE take a tomatoe.

RIPE in Moncton

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Ebbie
Date: 09 Aug 13 - 07:43 PM

Lob 'em this way, Gary. We are paying $3.49 a pound for them. In the middle of summer, for pete's sake.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 09 Aug 13 - 09:57 PM

Dear Abby
ya got a spare Hamilton 992B complete balance assembly. I need one for a restoration project .. got everything but ... how about it Abby ..

signed
outta time

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: olddude
Date: 09 Aug 13 - 10:15 PM

Dear Kendall in Maine
my suggestion is to get a great bottle of wine and some expensive top end Lobster ...

Make a wonderful dinner .. then
drink the wine eat the lobster and find a great place to hide

signed
Abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,Suzy Sock Puppet
Date: 09 Aug 13 - 11:20 PM

gnu, I'll take a tomato. But I'll have to give it to my boyfriend because he loves 'em. My son and I feel differently and my son articulated it best when he said at the age of 3 and I quote, "Mama, I like tomato in ketchup and spaghetti, but not in person." That must be the cutest thing he ever said. I thought, "At last, a soul mate" :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: LadyJean
Date: 09 Aug 13 - 11:28 PM

Ok the deal with women and shoes is as follows. That incredibly cute dress probably doesn't come in your size, and if it does it will make you look hideous. Those incredibly cute shoes almost certainly do come in your size, and will look just as darling on size XL as they will on a size XS petite. Take it from a lady with a serious shoe habit.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 10 Aug 13 - 06:48 AM

If this place had a Like button, I'd be clicking it a lot in this thread.

Suzy... priceless!

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 10 Aug 13 - 10:22 AM

Dear mcAbby
how do you keep a wiener dog from peeing on your floor

signed
Puddles

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 10 Aug 13 - 06:18 PM

Dear Oldude,

Simple. Keep the wiener dogs outside. But then you and the dogs would be unhappy, so let them inside and just suck it up--with a wet vac.

McAbby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Aug 13 - 09:05 AM

Dear Dude-Abby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 11 Aug 13 - 09:11 AM

Dear Abby-Dude,
My new gal pronounces them things "potat- e- toes" and I say "potat-toes". Is there hope for the relationship?

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: frogprince
Date: 11 Aug 13 - 11:31 AM

Ed T; it's definitely time to say "Let's call the whole thing off".

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 11 Aug 13 - 04:40 PM

Dear Ed T

Is she a hot potatoe? If so, yes. If not, drop her like a hot potatoe.

MAbby

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,Ed T, the spud
Date: 11 Aug 13 - 04:51 PM

She has nice eyes, is kinda stockyn with a few scabs - she could be a bit of a blight. I am concerned that she may attract potato bugs.

:)

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: Becca72
Date: 12 Aug 13 - 04:14 PM

Suzy,
LOVE it and feel the same way :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 14 Aug 13 - 03:15 PM

Dear MAbby

The Exotic Boutique has a 50% off sale on used items. Is buying a second hand vibrator just asking for trouble even with a 30 day "satisfaction or your money back" guaranty? Batteries excluded, of course.

Lonely in Moncton

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 14 Aug 13 - 04:00 PM

guaranty? Is that like a warrantee?

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 15 Aug 13 - 06:34 AM

My friends new beau is a stripper. Should he drop him, or just "swing with the crowd"?

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: kendall
Date: 15 Aug 13 - 06:36 AM

Hey, Dude, where are you?

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 15 Aug 13 - 07:08 AM

K... saw him on the Rainbow thread yesterday.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: frogprince
Date: 15 Aug 13 - 11:15 AM

And gnu...I try to keep an open mind, but... the thought of a male person who wants a vibrator kinda weirds me out...

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 15 Aug 13 - 11:19 AM

He wants it to knock the aphids off his azaleas.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: frogprince
Date: 15 Aug 13 - 12:40 PM

Oh; I hadn't thought of that.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Aug 13 - 12:48 PM

Do I detect a bit of "Azalea envy" "fellas"?

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Aug 13 - 12:50 PM

Or, as they say up in New Brunswick - "whatever shakes your Azalea"

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: GUEST,Ed T
Date: 15 Aug 13 - 01:19 PM

Last two guests twer Ed T.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 15 Aug 13 - 06:12 PM

No! It's fer twaddling me tomatoes. Geeze oh eh?! I use to use a makeup brush. Works better than the way I was taught to twaddle tomatoes. The old fashined way my old man taight me was to twaddle tomatoes with yer fingers. I figger I can tape the makeup brush on a vibrator and tape the vibrator to a stick and twaddle away at leisure. Easier on my back, too.

Get yer minds out of the gutter eh? It's full down here.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 15 Aug 13 - 07:20 PM

Dear MAbby

My neighbours are "healthy". They eat lean turkey burgers and they use a K-Tel Patty Stacker to make sure the burgers are a consistant size. I buy family size packages of real cow burger and slap my meat into burgers by hand. By the time I am done on the barbie, slopped em with all sorts a yer accoutremounteds and sucked one back, I need a facecloth ta wash up. So, my question is, how do I keep these retards outta my yard when I am grillin?

Full in Moncton

PS Onion powder ain't worth shit on a burger so put Vidalias on yer list RFN! and put beer store as the LAST stop. Safety first, eh? Avoidin yer onion incident ain't no laffin manner.

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: frogprince
Date: 15 Aug 13 - 09:27 PM

Dear MCX Abby; ask full in Moncton if he ain't never learned how to shape hamburger patties by slapping a gob of burger under yer armpit?

Subject: RE: BS: Dear Mudcat Abby Olddude Column
From: gnu
Date: 15 Aug 13 - 09:33 PM

Dear MAbby

Just a heads up fer anyone gowan ta Charley's Bday BBQ and bash tomorrow, BYOB... bring yer own burgers.

Safety First in Moncton

PS Ewwwwwww!