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BS: Favourite Insult

Patrish(inactive) 10 Nov 99 - 11:50 AM
Allan C. 10 Nov 99 - 11:59 AM
JedMarum 10 Nov 99 - 12:03 PM
Patrish(inactive) 10 Nov 99 - 12:03 PM
Den 10 Nov 99 - 12:08 PM
Clifton53 10 Nov 99 - 12:09 PM
Bert 10 Nov 99 - 12:10 PM
Tony Burns 10 Nov 99 - 12:28 PM
Melbert 10 Nov 99 - 12:41 PM
catspaw49 10 Nov 99 - 12:42 PM
Bert 10 Nov 99 - 12:46 PM
Melbert 10 Nov 99 - 12:49 PM
bob schwarer 10 Nov 99 - 01:02 PM
Blackcat2 10 Nov 99 - 01:03 PM
Clifton53 10 Nov 99 - 01:05 PM
MMario 10 Nov 99 - 01:15 PM
sophocleese 10 Nov 99 - 01:24 PM
Midchuck 10 Nov 99 - 01:27 PM
MMario 10 Nov 99 - 01:28 PM
Áine 10 Nov 99 - 01:37 PM
Liz the Squeak 10 Nov 99 - 01:39 PM
Allan C. 10 Nov 99 - 01:45 PM
Dave Swan 10 Nov 99 - 02:39 PM
Mbo 10 Nov 99 - 02:44 PM
MMario 10 Nov 99 - 02:46 PM
Durham Lad 10 Nov 99 - 03:25 PM
cravinboy 10 Nov 99 - 03:33 PM
Fortunato 10 Nov 99 - 03:33 PM
kendall 10 Nov 99 - 03:37 PM
Micca 10 Nov 99 - 03:46 PM
sophocleese 10 Nov 99 - 04:00 PM
Ade 10 Nov 99 - 04:57 PM
Llanfair 10 Nov 99 - 05:00 PM
Bert 10 Nov 99 - 05:10 PM
MAG (inactive) 10 Nov 99 - 06:08 PM
Les B 10 Nov 99 - 06:34 PM
catspaw49 10 Nov 99 - 06:47 PM
DonMeixner 10 Nov 99 - 06:48 PM
Bert 10 Nov 99 - 06:58 PM
MandolinPaul 10 Nov 99 - 08:03 PM
Bill D 10 Nov 99 - 09:57 PM
Frankie 10 Nov 99 - 10:24 PM
Bugsy 10 Nov 99 - 10:26 PM
Brendy 10 Nov 99 - 10:47 PM
Michael K. 10 Nov 99 - 10:58 PM
Michael K. 10 Nov 99 - 11:04 PM
Brendy 10 Nov 99 - 11:20 PM
Jeri 10 Nov 99 - 11:24 PM
ddw 10 Nov 99 - 11:57 PM
WyoWoman 11 Nov 99 - 01:03 AM
Brendy 11 Nov 99 - 01:08 AM
Brendy 11 Nov 99 - 01:15 AM
Liz the Squeak 11 Nov 99 - 02:51 AM
Patrish(inactive) 11 Nov 99 - 03:39 AM
Jeri 11 Nov 99 - 10:04 AM
Gary T 11 Nov 99 - 10:12 AM
Clifton53 11 Nov 99 - 10:13 AM
catspaw49 11 Nov 99 - 11:05 AM
Vixen 11 Nov 99 - 11:08 AM
catspaw49 11 Nov 99 - 11:15 AM
Allan C. 11 Nov 99 - 11:24 AM
Art Thieme 11 Nov 99 - 11:36 AM
catspaw49 11 Nov 99 - 12:27 PM
Bert 11 Nov 99 - 01:02 PM
lloyd61 11 Nov 99 - 01:14 PM
WyoWoman 11 Nov 99 - 02:11 PM
paddymac 11 Nov 99 - 02:34 PM
Micca 11 Nov 99 - 03:27 PM
kendall 11 Nov 99 - 03:49 PM
Bert 11 Nov 99 - 04:01 PM
Midchuck 11 Nov 99 - 04:06 PM
MTM 11 Nov 99 - 04:16 PM
Mbo 11 Nov 99 - 04:19 PM
Jonathan 11 Nov 99 - 04:39 PM
dick greenhaus 11 Nov 99 - 04:42 PM
Brendy 11 Nov 99 - 05:03 PM
Melbert 11 Nov 99 - 05:54 PM
kendall 11 Nov 99 - 08:27 PM
kendall 11 Nov 99 - 08:37 PM
Mbo 11 Nov 99 - 08:55 PM
Frankie 11 Nov 99 - 10:03 PM
Caitrin 11 Nov 99 - 10:17 PM
Brendy 11 Nov 99 - 11:57 PM
Mikal 12 Nov 99 - 12:01 AM
12 Nov 99 - 12:20 AM
Patrish(inactive) 12 Nov 99 - 03:39 AM
Neil Lowe 12 Nov 99 - 08:07 AM
kendall 12 Nov 99 - 08:15 AM
kendall 12 Nov 99 - 08:21 AM
Mbo 12 Nov 99 - 08:21 AM
Patrish(inactive) 12 Nov 99 - 08:44 AM
kendall 12 Nov 99 - 10:42 AM
Joan 12 Nov 99 - 11:21 AM
Liz the Squeak 12 Nov 99 - 11:23 AM
Liz the Squeak 12 Nov 99 - 11:32 AM
dwditty 12 Nov 99 - 12:27 PM
Bill D 12 Nov 99 - 01:06 PM
The artist formerly known as "Bob" 12 Nov 99 - 01:28 PM
enelrad 12 Nov 99 - 01:31 PM
MMario 12 Nov 99 - 01:45 PM
Bert 12 Nov 99 - 02:02 PM
hummybird 12 Nov 99 - 02:43 PM
catspaw49 12 Nov 99 - 02:52 PM
Bert 12 Nov 99 - 03:16 PM
Jonathan 12 Nov 99 - 03:18 PM
Liz the Squeak 12 Nov 99 - 03:55 PM
Bert 12 Nov 99 - 04:02 PM
Liz the Squeak 12 Nov 99 - 05:33 PM
Melbert 12 Nov 99 - 05:56 PM
catspaw49 12 Nov 99 - 06:26 PM
12 Nov 99 - 08:03 PM
Hoserooni 12 Nov 99 - 08:06 PM
Pete Peterson 12 Nov 99 - 08:14 PM
manylodges 12 Nov 99 - 10:22 PM
Caitrin 12 Nov 99 - 10:45 PM
Mikal 12 Nov 99 - 11:57 PM
Lonesome EJ 13 Nov 99 - 12:12 AM
murray@mpce.mq.edu.au 13 Nov 99 - 05:46 AM
dwditty 13 Nov 99 - 06:33 AM
Terry Allan Hall 13 Nov 99 - 08:40 AM
Melbert 13 Nov 99 - 09:24 AM
Peter T. 13 Nov 99 - 09:43 AM
Frankie 13 Nov 99 - 09:52 AM
Liz the Squeak 13 Nov 99 - 02:13 PM
Pelrad 13 Nov 99 - 02:47 PM
Kira 14 Nov 99 - 04:21 AM
LaToya McCoy 14 Nov 99 - 07:58 AM
Caitrin 14 Nov 99 - 05:03 PM
Brendy 15 Nov 99 - 01:09 AM
Miguel 15 Nov 99 - 02:08 AM
Liz the Squeak 15 Nov 99 - 08:40 AM
Art Thieme 15 Nov 99 - 07:02 PM
Bert 16 Nov 99 - 10:58 AM
URSA 16 Nov 99 - 02:24 PM
Callie 17 Nov 99 - 03:13 AM
kendall 17 Nov 99 - 02:46 PM
kendall 17 Nov 99 - 06:04 PM
Bert 17 Nov 99 - 06:38 PM
Stiofáin 18 Nov 99 - 03:21 AM
kendall 18 Nov 99 - 09:33 PM
Jack (Who is called Jack) 19 Nov 99 - 08:36 AM
Pedders 19 Nov 99 - 09:22 AM
Noel P. 19 Nov 99 - 11:33 AM
stonejohn 19 Nov 99 - 12:30 PM
20 Nov 99 - 01:17 PM
Owlkat 21 Nov 99 - 04:53 AM
Trev 21 Nov 99 - 05:12 AM
Ted from Australia 21 Nov 99 - 08:44 AM
_garogyle 21 Nov 99 - 10:03 PM
Melbert 22 Nov 99 - 02:31 PM
Bert 22 Nov 99 - 03:58 PM

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Subject: Favourite Insult
From: Patrish(inactive)
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 11:50 AM

"Nice face, what you gonna do when the baboon wants his backside back"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Allan C.
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 11:59 AM

Oh, yeah! Like this is going to be a productive thread! It's stuff like this that really gets me steamed. In fact, I wouldn't spit on you if your hair was on fire!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: JedMarum
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:03 PM

"Yes Lady," said a young man sitting on the bar stool, "I am drunk - but you're ugly, and in the morning; I'll be sober!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Patrish(inactive)
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:03 PM

Oh yeah....may the fleas of a 1000 camels infest your erogenous zones.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Den
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:08 PM

The best part of you ran down your mother's leg. Den (whatever that means)


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Clifton53
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:09 PM

If my dog had a face like yours, I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bert
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:10 PM

You wouldn't know your prick from your thumb if it didn't have a nail on it!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Tony Burns
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:28 PM

"Do you know what I like about you?"

"Nothing."


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Melbert
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:41 PM

" Hello handsome! - (I must do something about these glasses!)"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:42 PM

Profane as I often am, most of my favorites are beyond what even I would post here. The last time I posted something of that sort was in a ridiculous attempt to vent some anger, and to say it didn't come off would be to put it mildly.

I am partial to one that rolled out of my mouth one time and I've used it around here occasionally.

"You are without a doubt the most unmitigated asshole I've ever had the singular displeasure of having meant."

.....and I think I'll leave it at that.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bert
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:46 PM

You metamorphosing pollywog!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Melbert
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:49 PM

In similar vein, one of our (UK) newspapers this week printed some "a**econs" (as opposed to "emoticons" - the little smiley faces constructed from puntuation marks.

(_!_) = fat arse
(!) = tight arse
(_$_) = money coming out of his arse
(_e=mc2_) = (yes, you guessed, "smart arse".


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: bob schwarer
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:02 PM

What's a girl like you doing iin a nice place like this?

Bob S.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Blackcat2
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:03 PM

I tend to insult men (hell, women too) by calling them a "Penile impliment".


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Clifton53
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:05 PM

Your such a loser, if you fell into a barrel of tits you'd come up sucking your thumb!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: MMario
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:15 PM

tell me, did your parents have any children who lived?

Is your intellect natural, or did you have to study to get that stupid?


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: sophocleese
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:24 PM

You'd look good on a meat hook.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Midchuck
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:27 PM

"You couldn't get laid in a womens' prison with a handful of blank pardons!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: MMario
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:28 PM

PLEASE NOTE: THIS ONE IS USED ONLY IN THE CONTEXT OF REN_FAIRE - ONLY AT ONE FAIRE (that I know of)_ AND NO OFFENSE IS MEANT TO ANYONE WHO MIGHT ACTUALLY HAIL FROM THERE:

You're from Shropshire, aren't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Áine
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:37 PM

I know this one may seem tame by the standards set by the rest of you; however, this is one my mother (who NEVER cursed) would use when you REALLY got her dander up:

You don't have the sense God gave a piss ant!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:39 PM

Liam, that was actually Sir Winston Churchill who said that, but it does work nicely. Another one of his is: Lady Astor (or Bessie Braddock, we can't remember) to Sir Winston: 'Sir Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee!'

Sir Winston: 'Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!'

My favourite is - to a bloke...

'Are you circumcised? Threw away the wrong bit didn't they.'

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Allan C.
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:45 PM

Put your brain in a crow and it'd fly backwards!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Dave Swan
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 02:39 PM

Critic.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Mbo
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 02:44 PM

"Yeah, you're beautiful like the back end of a frying pan."

(An old Italian insult)

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: MMario
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 02:46 PM

okay, that one is getting REALLY nasty!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Durham Lad
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 03:25 PM

One heckler put down I heard at a concert was "Madam; would you mind shutting up, I've only got an hour to earn my living you've got all night to earn yours!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: cravinboy
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 03:33 PM

Tom Waits to a loud audience member recently;"I thought I told you wait in the car!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Fortunato
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 03:33 PM

You couldn't play in the sandbox as a child,
the cat would come and cover you up.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: kendall
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 03:37 PM

The late Jud Strunk (Daisey a day) had a mean one.. a drunken woman heckler.. finally he said "Give me a break lady, I wouldn't pull the mattress out from under you while you were working." One of my favorites.."Listen pecker breath.."


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Micca
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 03:46 PM

They ruined a good arse when they put teeth in your mouth. an old Scouse(Liverpool) insult.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: sophocleese
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 04:00 PM

Overachiever.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Ade
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 04:57 PM

If you had another brain cell you'd qualify for pond life!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Llanfair
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 05:00 PM

OK, MMario, what's wrong with Shropshire????????
My favourite is "call those laughter lines? nothing's that funny" Hwyl, Bron.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bert
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 05:10 PM

Then there's the one Billy Connolly used in 'Raw Meat for the Balcony'

Does your mouth bleed every 28 days?


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 06:08 PM

"You will never need to know."


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Les B
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 06:34 PM

"If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to physic a piss ant" and, as a threat to child or man "I'll kick your ass so hard you'll be shiting out of your collar"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 06:47 PM

The great and wonderfully brilliant George S. Kaufman was sitting beside a woman at a dinner party one night. She rambled on continuously through the meal and as dessert was being served, Kaufman turned to her and asked, "Madam, do you have any unexpressed thoughts?"

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: DonMeixner
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 06:48 PM

"Why weren't you born twins, you could be twice as Stupid?" As said by Howard Arlen in the film "China Clipper.

" I wouldn't p*** up your ass if your guts was on fire!" onr of my favorites.

Don


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bert
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 06:58 PM

refresh


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Subject: Favourite Insult
From: MandolinPaul
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 08:03 PM

Did you shit your brain?


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 09:57 PM

heard an old carpenter say once, when shaking his head about the boss...

"Some folks ain't got the sense God give a retarded rubber duck"

I guess it coud be a direct insult, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Frankie
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 10:24 PM

If she had as many dicks sticking out of her as was stuck in her she'd look like a porcupine. (Where's my choclolate Squeak. Snigger, snigger indeed!)

F


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bugsy
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 10:26 PM

"He just had an arsehole transplant - the arsehole rejected him!"

cheers

Bugsy


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Brendy
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 10:47 PM

"I know two assholes in this town....and you're both of them!".
"Oh look!. I've got a pubic hair in my drink. Don't recognise it, do you?"

Bren.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Michael K.
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 10:58 PM

The movie ''Ferris Bueller's Day Off'' had a very memorable line.

''He was so uptight, if you shoved a lump of coal up his ass, 24 hours later you'd have a diamond.''


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Michael K.
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 11:04 PM

Another great put down line, used by a woman fending off the advances of an aggressive male:

''If you make love to me, and I find out about it....''

Others that come to mind to describe dim people:

- 3 bricks short of a load
- lights are on but nobody's home
- his/her driveway doesn't come all the way to the house
- 2 bars short of a samba
- ''Do you have enough fuel to land?''
- Takes him/her an hour and a half to watch ''60 Minutes''

(I'll stop here...)


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Brendy
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 11:20 PM

How about "He was soo tight (mean) he could peel an orange in his pocket with a boxing glove on"
Feeble really.
However. A good few years ago one of my elder brothers and I were out having a few pints with my then soon to be brother in law. My brother had bought the first round, 3 pints. After a while I bought a round, 3 pints again. We were getting to the bottom of these ones, and the natural progression would have been for our family's newest member to decorate the mahogany next.
Well we waited, and waited, and yer man was making no gestures that indicated loads of pints were imminent.
My brother eventually looked at him and said
"Is your arm OK these days Joe?" Joe, a little confused "what do you mean?" "No, it's just I thought it was broke the way you were buyin' all those pints"

le meas Bren.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Jeri
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 11:24 PM

This past weekend, I heard "a couple of fries short of a Happy Meal."


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: ddw
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 11:57 PM

Hey, I know your mother. She always runs out from under the porch and bites my ankle.

david


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: WyoWoman
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 01:03 AM

These are from the Elizabethan Curse Generator:

http://robin-nvh.bvsd.k12.co.us/~tstone/curse/

Thou wenching boil-brained maggot-pie!
Thou ruttish paper-faced puttock!
Thou haughty hasty-witted waterfly!
Thou dissembling bunched-backed rampallion!
Thou purpled white-livered maggot-pie!
Thou villainous raw-boned minimus!
Thou saucy common-kissing flirt-gill!
Thou lewd rug-headed scullion!
Thou brazen beef-witted barnacle!
Thou fawning ill-composed egg-shell!

ww


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Brendy
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 01:08 AM

"Thy lily livered lad, thy cream faced loon, where didst thou get thy goosed look about thee." Shakespeare (sic)


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Brendy
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 01:15 AM

"A few thous and thys my dear
went madly running awry I fear"

Late 20th century renaissance saying.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 02:51 AM

The lift doesn't go all the way to the top does it?

Is that your own hair, or has your hamster escaped again?

Are you borrowing those legs from a sofa?

If brains were alcohol, you'd be a teetotaller.

If brains were balls, you'd be a eunuch.

Is your IQ bigger than your shoe size? (note - only really works well with the UK sizes, where 40 is really 7)

Give you a brain and you'd be dangerous.....

You were a Chippendale? Table or sideboard?

And from the pen of Gerald Durrell, naturalist, "He had a moustache like a small brown moth had settled on his upper lip."

LTS - Frankie, do you think you're getting chocolate off me after that?! Besides, I hardly know you.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Patrish(inactive)
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 03:39 AM

You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared yourself with clue musk and did the clue mating dance


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Jeri
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 10:04 AM

Variation on Allan C's - "If they put your brain up a bird's ass, it'd fly backwards." I won't in what context I heard that, but I was laughing too hard to take offense.
Reminded of by LTS - "If brains were gunpowder, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose."
Melbert, I've actually seen this one used: (_*_)


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Gary T
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 10:12 AM

You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Clifton53
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 10:13 AM

He's not the coldest beer in the cooler.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 11:05 AM

"What a Bert!"

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Vixen
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 11:08 AM

These are great! I hope I can recall 'em when I need 'em. CRS, y'know.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 11:15 AM

Gawd Vix, you're really a BERT!

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Allan C.
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 11:24 AM

I, for one, would be honored to be called a "Bert".


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Art Thieme
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 11:36 AM

Brian Kozin, the last owner of the No Exit Coffeehouse in Chicago, cut a finger off with a bandsaw several years ago. He was giving me a hard verbal time while I was on stage one night & I didn't appreciate being heckled by the club's owner. I told the audience, "Folks, that's Brian Kozin, the only man I know who has to open his fly to count to ten !!" (I've told that in another thread but I'm sorry---I forgot.)

Art


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 12:27 PM

EGADS!!! Art's a Bert??? Ohmigawd............

And Allan, if you can remember who Bert is, you can't be one. I'm sorry, all honors aside, the rules are the rules. For instance, unless you are a totally buffoon-like, incredible dumbass, with a profanely warped and scatalogically sarcastic sense of humor, you cannot be a catspaw. We have to draw the line somewhere.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bert
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 01:02 PM

OK CatsP. Don't make me come out there!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: lloyd61
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 01:14 PM

A Mexican friend always introduced me as "Me Amigo Gourdo!" It took me a long tine to find out what it meant. He is still my friend.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: WyoWoman
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 02:11 PM

Isn't that adorable. It looks just like a penis, only smaller...

(This is one I actually told my daughter to use after she'd been flashed by the "jogging flasher" some time back...)

ww


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: paddymac
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 02:34 PM

I hope your mother runs out from under the porch and bites you on the ass.

Have we got any cowboys in the house? How 'bout ridin' that jackass outa here!

And, of course, for the eggheads among us: "You're an amphiflowic siphonostele". jesus, botany was a long time ago.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Micca
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 03:27 PM

I like the " Enemies? you could could count his enenies on the fingers of the London Philharmonic Orchestra". I also liked the political one I think it was Bevan who retorted when someone said of another politician" He's his own worst enemy" Bevan said " Not while I'm alive"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: kendall
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 03:49 PM

he would be over his head in a parking lot puddle


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bert
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 04:01 PM

My favorite for today is 'NMPA'


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Midchuck
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 04:06 PM

Famous exchange from the English Parliment (maybe some British member knows if it actually happened):

Gladstone: "You shall die of a pox, sir, or on the gallows!"

Disraeli: "That depends, sir, on whether I embrace your principals or your mistress!"

Also, from one of the MASH books by Richard Hooker:

"If he could shoot his IQ, Palmer and Nicklaus would be driving trucks!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: MTM
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 04:16 PM

someone once told me that i was "weirder than a bucket of hair"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Mbo
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 04:19 PM

"Filthy bodach."

"Churl Monkey."

"Cheesebang."

"Weedseed."

"Whenever I'm around you it's like --"Danger! High Doltage!"

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Jonathan
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 04:39 PM

Heard on a bus with a bunch of high school kids:

Aw, if that guy had a brain, he'd take it out and play with it!

Jonathan


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 04:42 PM

My favorite for some 50 years now:

You slack-jawed pig fucker!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Brendy
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 05:03 PM

As much use as a one legged man at an arse-kicking contest


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Melbert
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 05:54 PM

Nice one tonight on BBC Radio 4.
Presenter talking about ex Spice Girl Geri Halliwell

"That girl has a lot of class - - - all of it third!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: kendall
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 08:27 PM

you filthy spawn of a jaundiced toad.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: kendall
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 08:37 PM

you filthy spawn of a jaundiced toad.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Mbo
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 08:55 PM

Chump-sockett.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Frankie
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 10:03 PM

She's about two nougats shy of a Whitman's Sampler.

(O' Squeak,thou perfidious chocolate-hoarding trull![thanks for the inspiration WW,great stuff] Covet not thy chocolate so dearly and givest to me that which is my due. What did'st the bard say: She that keeps to herself an almond joy* Doth the winged life destroy* But she that sends Hershey Kisses to handsome guys* Lives in eternity's sunrise. I'm afraid though a mere HK will no longer do. I now require something as deep, dark and mysterious as the inner thigh of an Abyssinian princess, yes something from your private reserve. Apace, apace get thee to a postmaster!) F


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Caitrin
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 10:17 PM

Cretin Dwarf! One-armed, slack-jawed mutant! Pestiferous son of a sewer rat! Scruffy looking Nerf Herder! (Credit to Princess Leia)

May you find yourself clinging to a log, floating swiftly through the rapids, heading for a waterfall, and may your Mother be unsuccessful in finding help as she runs barking along the shore.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Brendy
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 11:57 PM

Na Sheásamh do bhod a choíche


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Mikal
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 12:01 AM

One used on me:

"Your brains, your talent, and your penis are all the same size, and everyone is disapointed..."

Yup, it was one of my proffessors...

Mikal, (put in his place.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From:
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 12:20 AM

proud to have been your professor...

and to see that you learned your lessons


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Patrish(inactive)
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 03:39 AM

May the curse of Mary Malone and her 9 illegitimate children case you so far over the hills of damnation that the lord himself can't find you with a telescope.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Neil Lowe
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 08:07 AM

Recycled from previous posts and threads:

1)so dumb he couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

2)"I fart in your general direction and wave my private parts at your auntie, you son of a window dresser. Your mother was a hamster and your father stank of elderberries." --more or less a direct quote from Monty Python's "Holy Grail"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: kendall
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 08:15 AM

you English pig dog (Monty Python)


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: kendall
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 08:21 AM

you English pig dog (Monty Python)


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Mbo
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 08:21 AM

Then there are all the supposed obscene names "The Old Man" from "A Christmas Story" uses to insult the furnace:

"You noot dang ding dang warble!"

"Haustickle-pfeiffer!"

--Mbo (it's starting to become Ralphie-time again...)


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Patrish(inactive)
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 08:44 AM

Drink beer, its been helping ugly people have sex since 1962


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: kendall
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 10:42 AM

actually, the worst insult I ever heard was so awful, I wont repeat it here, but, "baby raping pig fucker" is close.
Then if you understand Spanish.. to eho de la puta.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Joan
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 11:21 AM

Can't know if this is an insult or a compliment: Bunch of pre-teenage girls came up to me at a festival with an autograph book. One asked, "Are you somebody?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 11:23 AM

Oh Frankie, are you hairy too??? If you want chocolate, I need a location - or do you favour the secret drop, at the crossroads, when the moon is full.....?

Wouldn't piss in your mouth if your gums were on fire.

And of a crawler/creep/brown noser - he's so far up the boss's ass, he could eat his lunch for him.

So far up the boss's ass he can count the fillings in his back teeth.

His nose is so brown, you'd mistake it for a Mars Bar.

If he gets any further up the boss's ass, he'll meet lunch coming the other way.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 11:32 AM

Has anyone ever told you you're beautiful/hansome? No, didn't think so, because you're not!

I was once called 'pretty', which coming from a man who kept pictures of beavers (and we ain't talking the ones with teeth here) under the bed, was not the best thing he could have said......

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: dwditty
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 12:27 PM

"Way down deep, you're shallow."


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 01:06 PM

Once got a Philosophy paper back with a B on it and this lone comment..

"You exhibit a capacity for a more penetrating concern"

I still think it may have been a gentle put-down...

and I always wondered what the Grecian urn would have thought about being called:
.."Thou still unravish'd bride of quietness
..Thou foster-child of Silence and slow Time"

final thought..I worked for a business school once where I helped develop a new course, and upon graduation we had to GIVE the student something to show they had passed and had our...ummmm...'blessing'..
So the secretary wrote, and had made into a 'certificate' this little treasure:

"This is to certify that *Joe Jones* has attended this course...etc..at our school. He has been a valued and attentive student, and we certify that he is qualfied to fill any job within the limits of his training and capabilities" ....talk about damning with faint praise!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: The artist formerly known as "Bob"
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 01:28 PM

thus...

"Were you born an asshole, or did you work at it your whole life?"

Thankew, thankew verra mush


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: enelrad
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 01:31 PM

some...He's not he sharpest knife in the drawer.....I'm sorry, you must have mistaken me for someone who was interested.......He's a few sandwiches short of a picnic...

Gee.......kinda sad way to jump into this site, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: MMario
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 01:45 PM

actually, it's quite typical of the way people join in on this site....


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bert
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 02:02 PM

Welcome aboard enelrad. What kind of a name IS that. enelrad???

You should fit in just fine.

Bert.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: hummybird
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 02:43 PM

insults: 1. When a guy uses the famous pick-up line, "Where have you been all my life?" The female comeback, "The first half I wasn't even born" 2. "Somewhere a village is missing an idiot"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 02:52 PM

Welcome darlene...its OK, we're kinda a whacked out bunch. But there is lots of good music and fun to be found here........except for Bert who thinks he has the balls to come after me!!! He DOES have balls...One's the size of a pea and the other's real tiny.(:+))

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bert
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 03:16 PM

You said you wouldn't look!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Jonathan
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 03:18 PM

Some friends of mine have a few good zingers on buttons they wear, like:

Well, did the fuckup fairy visit us again?

I'm bisexual and I'm not attracted to you.

etc.

Jonathan


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 03:55 PM

One we invented last night (at a very serious concert I may add....) Describing the melodeon player who bore more than a passing resemblence to Marty Feldman -

He is so far up the wall he could be a light fitting....

Did you have to train to be so ugly, or does it come naturally?

Have you finished kissing me? The dog wants its tongue back.

When you learnt to kiss, did the dog ever complain??

He kisses like a puppy sucking at a bitch's tit.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bert
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 04:02 PM

He is so far up the wall he could be a light fitting.... Nice one 'squeak. That wouldn't have been CatsP you were talking about, would it?


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 05:33 PM

I don't know, does Cats play the melodeon for a Belgian band?? See, not only a Marty Feldman looker, mad as a bottle of light bulbs, but Belgian as well!

(OK, nothing against Belgians, it's just that I never met a sane one yet).

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Melbert
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 05:56 PM

To a man (or, I guess, woman) with a beard / moustache: "I prefer not to cultivate that which grows wild around my backside".


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 06:26 PM

Its OK Bert...Everyone knows when you're aroused your genitals resemble a melting popsicle flanked by two jelly beans.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From:
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 08:03 PM

Broken down snout of a camel's hump


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Hoserooni
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 08:06 PM

She-bitch of a goat's gizzard

May all your teeth fall out but one -- so that you may still get a tooth ache

You drive a car like old people sc*ew


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Pete Peterson
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 08:14 PM

Slight thread creep: I am enamoured of recommendations that don't QUITE mean what they say, of which my all time champion is
I cannot recommend this person too highly


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: manylodges
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 10:22 PM

If I can stop the tears from my eyes after jonathans fuckup fairy visit. here is a few:

when you were born your mother said "what a treasure" and your dad said "ya, let's burry it before it grows"

you weren't born, your test tube cracked and you came up with the fumes.

a crow shit you on a fence post and the sun hatched you out.

you have a beautiful set of tooth.

your so ugly you have to sneek up on a glass of water.

some one spit in the corner and you grew with the bacteria.

your so skinny you have to run around in a shower to get wet.

you weren't hit the ugly stick, you were beat with the whole damb tree.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Caitrin
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 10:45 PM

(s)he looks like (s)he fell from the ugly tree and hit every branch coming down.

APparently you were hit with the ugly stick AND the idiot rod.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Mikal
Date: 12 Nov 99 - 11:57 PM

Overherard at the bar last night:

Darwin was wrong...You're an invertabrate!

It kind of reminded me of the description my mother had of a salesman she met: "Imagine an oyster that never learned to make a shell..."

Mikal


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 13 Nov 99 - 12:12 AM

" I've seen better hair in the drain of a public shower!" Giz LEJ's daughter(a test of people's patience)


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: murray@mpce.mq.edu.au
Date: 13 Nov 99 - 05:46 AM

First one from a style of repartee that was known as "college wit and humor"

He: Do you think you can learn to like me?
She: Well, I learned to like Limburger cheese.

Next some old yiddish insults:

You should grow like a garlic with your head in the earth. (In yiddish the phrase "in the earth" also means "in hell")

You sould live like a lamp, hanging by day and burning by night.

You should lose all your teeth except one which shall remain for a toothache.

Murray


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: dwditty
Date: 13 Nov 99 - 06:33 AM

She's very nice - a great personality. And she'd even give you the hair off her back.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Terry Allan Hall
Date: 13 Nov 99 - 08:40 AM

"Did your mom ever get her rabies shot renewed?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Melbert
Date: 13 Nov 99 - 09:24 AM

To a bearded man smoking a cigar - "Your head looks like Lassie having a c**p"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Peter T.
Date: 13 Nov 99 - 09:43 AM

From a Spanish novel I read years ago, can't remember anything else about it, but I scribbled this down, and have carried it around (could be Machado):
When I look at you, my soul remembers cold bitter nights without women, it remembers standing outside happy bars with no money in my pockets, wandering heartsick in cities far from my home, the first time I was betrayed by a friend, the day I lost my first job, and the only time I saw my father in tears. When I listen to you speak, I hear the wind of death in the desert, the empty sound of a emptied wine bottle, and the silence after the good have all gone to heaven, and the evil have all gone to hell. When I think about you, I wonder what God was thinking when he made you, and it undermines my faith in his goodness, and threatens my deep belief in a universe of love.
I keep meaning to memorize it, but I have it on a 3X5 card. I know I will regret not having it in my head one day! yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Frankie
Date: 13 Nov 99 - 09:52 AM

He'so dense light bends around him.

Where other people have a brain, he's got resonance.

Hard to belive he beat out a million other sperm.

Did you hear about the hurricane that hit New Jersey. It did 11 million dollars worth of improvements.

The reason New Yorkers are so depressed is that New Jersey is the light at the end of the tunnel.

LTS-Crossroads on a full moon not a good idea as I become quite hirsute under those conditions (also prone to howling and sporting a long jagged over bite) and tend to go berserk at the sight of a pretty girl bearing chocolate (no beavers under my bed). The rest of the month I'm pretty lightly-haired. We could meet at www.damail@peganet.com and make arrangements. BTW,I'm not really obsessed with chocolate, more with the challenge of obtaining some of your chocolate since your friend Micca explained that you are extremely loathe to part with it. Any thing you send me wil be distributed among the needy. (snigger, snigger).

Regards, Frankie


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 13 Nov 99 - 02:13 PM

Frankie,Frankie, Frankie - you do know how to turn a girl's head don't you!!

And how do you know I'm not needy.....?

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Pelrad
Date: 13 Nov 99 - 02:47 PM

You are perfectly adequate.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Kira
Date: 14 Nov 99 - 04:21 AM

To use on flashers or in other appropriate context:

"Hung like a Tic-Tac, I see."


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: LaToya McCoy
Date: 14 Nov 99 - 07:58 AM

As a native Arkansan, I find myself saying this a lot: "It's soooo sad when cousins marry....."


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Caitrin
Date: 14 Nov 99 - 05:03 PM

ANother simple, yet effective one: May your tribe decrease.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Brendy
Date: 15 Nov 99 - 01:09 AM

To a real pain in the ass that wouldn't give me a minute's peace at a gig on Friday night. "If your body is as big as your mouth be jasus I've no chance"

Breandán.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Miguel
Date: 15 Nov 99 - 02:08 AM

Hey needle-knob! I bet the last time you did it with your Dad he didn't enjoy it!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 15 Nov 99 - 08:40 AM

For a heckler -

When God put teeth in yer gob, he ruined a bloody good arsehole...

and on the same lines -

Do you go to dentist or a proctologist with a gob like that??

Frankie, if I promise not to wear the silver jewellery, do you want to come and get your chocolate???!

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Art Thieme
Date: 15 Nov 99 - 07:02 PM


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bert
Date: 16 Nov 99 - 10:58 AM

What was that again Art? I didn't quite hear you?;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: URSA
Date: 16 Nov 99 - 02:24 PM

I once asked a jerk if he recalled his first blow job, and when he got all dreamy eyed remembering, I asked him if he remembered how it tasted!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Callie
Date: 17 Nov 99 - 03:13 AM

"You're as dumb as a box of hair" and "I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: kendall
Date: 17 Nov 99 - 02:46 PM

shut your festering gob you putrid pile of parrot droppings..your kind make me puke. (Monty Python)


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: kendall
Date: 17 Nov 99 - 06:04 PM

shut your festering gob you putrid pile of parrot droppings..your kind make me puke. (Monty Python)


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bert
Date: 17 Nov 99 - 06:38 PM

You said that before!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Stiofáin
Date: 18 Nov 99 - 03:21 AM

Ye're a green piece of shit on a camel's hoof.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: kendall
Date: 18 Nov 99 - 09:33 PM

there is something wrong with this clunker..it sends post twice and I'm not doing it!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Jack (Who is called Jack)
Date: 19 Nov 99 - 08:36 AM

I bet Will Rogers never met you.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Pedders
Date: 19 Nov 99 - 09:22 AM

A face like a bag of hammers

To a spotty person... A face like moon base alpha A face like a pound of mince

To an ugly woman You're a real double-bagger aren't you?

As thick as a whale omelette (Blackadder)

A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

A face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle

To a miser... You're as tight as a crabs arse at 50 fathoms He wouldn't give you the steam off his shit

Not an insult but used to describe an extremely difficult task... Like trying to shove two pounds of butter up a tom tits arse with a red hot hat-pin

(you can substitute any tiny garden bird for tom tit)


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Noel P.
Date: 19 Nov 99 - 11:33 AM

"Was your mother married?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: stonejohn
Date: 19 Nov 99 - 12:30 PM

What my wife-to-be said to me that convinced me she was THE ONE. "Is that your face or did your ass grow teeth?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From:
Date: 20 Nov 99 - 01:17 PM

'Face like a well-skelped arse'

' short arms, deep pockets '

look someone up and down & mutter'There is no God!'

and my personal favourite (with feeling)..... 'Knob!'


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Owlkat
Date: 21 Nov 99 - 04:53 AM

Dumb shots: He/she's not the sharpest knife in the drawer ...not the brightest crayon in the box Quick like stump, sharp like bowling ball

Heckle returns: Hey, I don't go to where you work and kick the broom out of your hand.

Stand against that wall, it's plastered too.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Trev
Date: 21 Nov 99 - 05:12 AM

How about the bloke at the checkout unloading a frozen dinner for one, a quarter of cheese, a small can of toms, one baking spud, two bananas, a small frozen pizza and a pack of two lamb chops. Checkout operator: 'On your own then?' Customer (with heavy sarcasm): 'Oh, how did you work that out then?' Checkout operator: 'Cos you're bleeding ugly.'


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Ted from Australia
Date: 21 Nov 99 - 08:44 AM

The last few verses of "The Bastard From The Bush" allegedly by Banjo Patterson (OZ Poet)

"YOU- LOW- POLLUTED- BASTARD" Snarled the Captain of The Push.
"Get back to where your sort belongs - that's somewhere in the bush.
And I hope heaps of misfortune soon tumbles down on you!
May some lousy harlot dose you 'till your bollocks turn sky blue!

May the pains of windy spasms through your heaving bowels dart,
May you shit your bloody trousers each time you try to fart
May to take a swig of gin's piss , mistaking it for beer,
May the next Push you impose on heave you out upon your ear!

May itching piles torment you, may corns grow on your feet.
May crabs as big as spiders attack your balls a treat.
And when you're down and outed to a hopeless f**king wreck;
May you slip back through your arsehole and break your f**king neck!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: _garogyle
Date: 21 Nov 99 - 10:03 PM

You posted a thread to the MudCat and it only got one reply - your own.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Melbert
Date: 22 Nov 99 - 02:31 PM

My wife reckons I don't deserve her.

I don't deserve piles either, but I've got them!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bert
Date: 22 Nov 99 - 03:58 PM

Mmmm, I've done that Garg


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This Thread Is Closed.


Mudcat time: 20 October 4:55 PM EDT

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