BS: Screaming Flatmate

Subject: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Claire M
Date: 04 Nov 13 - 02:14 PM

Hiya,

I've a flatmate @ my care home who screams a lot, which has now started @ night. She *hates* where she lives but never wants to leave it/even her room, never wants to have a shower etc,. she never talks any sense & says that staff have done nasty things to her, hit her, broken her back, refused her drinks [said drinks *all* refused by her after being asked several times!]. She never rings for help when she needs it, then complains when nobody comes. When she isn't screeching all she seems to do is sit bitching about other people.

There's staff here who I don't think are cut out to be carers [although we get on well] – they've said this themselves – but there's no way I would still be living here if all this had happened !!. She is in constant pain – but she also cries when she drops something, she's too hot/cold, etc., & cries for me to get staff for her.
If I woke up one morning w/o any pain, I'd be worried, but I've only been at the point of yelling a couple of times, despite being unable to speak through pain sometimes.

She has learning difficulties. The daytime yelling doesn't bother me cos I can put my music on/go out, but I am a CPAP patient & don't want to get ill through being knackered again!

Any ideas ?? Thanks

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 04 Nov 13 - 02:19 PM

Sounds like my aunt ... for her what worked really good was a music player loaded with Sinatra . That worked really well. Instead of screaming she would say .. I was at xyz place dancing with this cute army soldier when that first came out and would hummm

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 04 Nov 13 - 02:31 PM

Hello Claire, I'm so sorry you're having this disturbance. I also feel sorry for this lady, who is obviously not being cared for properly and is apparently in some distress. Do you have a nice GP who might lsten to your concerns? Or could you contact (or get a member of your family/a friend to do so) the Local Authority department which deals with standards of care in your health district? I feel this should be sorted out officially, as complaining to the carers seems to be ineffective. It also sounds as if they can't cope correctly with the disabled folk in their charge. All this is most worrying, and I do hope you can get advice and assistance from a professional source. Best wishes, Eliza x

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 04 Nov 13 - 02:38 PM

I didn't see where you said she is in pain ... Oh boy that is different music worked for reducing stress but if she is in that much pain she needs help now ... get the hospital administrator involved ...

I am so sorry

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 04 Nov 13 - 04:14 PM

It sounds like there is more wrong with her than physical disability. Talk to everybody you can about how she doesn't make sense and how she is disturbing you until you reach a person who knows what to do.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Andrez
Date: 04 Nov 13 - 05:23 PM

Does she have any family or other people who come to visit? If so perhaps you might talk to them and have them follow up with whoever is in charge of care and medical treatment. Of course she may not have anyone visiting so maybe talking to the Admin/Clinical supervisors might achieve something on her behalf ( and yours as well). I dont know the 'system' where you are but if there is no response from 'management' then perhaps there is a higher level person or agency with the mandate to advocate on behalf of care home residents? As another thought is there an Aged Care social worker available?

Best wishes Claire,

Andrez

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Elmore
Date: 04 Nov 13 - 05:30 PM

I Totally agree with Leeneia, and am sympathetic to your situation, since my wife encountered this on a short term basis. Please let us know how you're faring.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Jack Campin
Date: 04 Nov 13 - 07:15 PM

This is going to be difficult. The UK care system doesn't like escalating people into more expensive categories. And it sounds like this person needs to be in a secure-ish psychiatric unit with full medical nursing care - that's as expensive as it gets short of housing Ian Brady. It's going to take a couple of committee meetings to get results, or even to get her medication looked at thoroughly to see if she's on the optimal stuff administered in the optimal way.

You need to talk to as many of the staff as possible to make sure that everybody knows the situation. The night shift may not be communicating adequately.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 04 Nov 13 - 08:20 PM

Claire, I am sorry you are having to cope with this situation. I wish I could add something to the suggestions already made by others.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Amos
Date: 04 Nov 13 - 08:45 PM

PErhaps a banjo?

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Nov 13 - 10:44 PM

You might want to think about why they chose to put her in with you.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Jack Campin
Date: 05 Nov 13 - 06:17 AM

I asked my wife, who works in nursing homes and has encountered a similar situation twice in recent years.

What you is first speak directly to the manager of the home about the situation. If you don't get some action within three or four days (NO LONGER), you put it to the manager in writing.

They may offer to put YOU on sleeping pills so you can ignore it. Don't accept that as a solution for more than a couple of nights.

In one instance, the home my wife was at had to deal with their problem patient (who was wandering all over the home bothering everybody all the time) by allocating staff to do nothing but shadow her full time all day long. Faced with an option that expensive, most homes would try VERY hard to pass their problem on elsewhere.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 05 Nov 13 - 07:26 AM

Sounds like a job for Bedlam to me.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Becca72
Date: 05 Nov 13 - 08:53 AM

Sounds to me like this poor person suffers some form of dementia.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Claire M
Date: 05 Nov 13 - 09:36 AM

Hiya,

She does but they only seem to visit 1x in a blue moon – she tells me all about how close they are but they always look like they can't wait to get away. It sounds like that to me too. Staff cope w/ me – 1 even said that if there were 21 me's she'd enjoy her job a bit more.
§

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 05 Nov 13 - 09:41 AM

My sympathy. The only thing I can add to the above good advice is: when informing the manager, do your best to avoid sounding as if you were blaming the poor lady or anyone else, just insist on a solution of the problem.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 05 Nov 13 - 10:01 AM

When I was in hospital, fortunately for only a few days, there was a patient who kept everyone in the ward awake all night with similar disruptive behavior. After 2 nights of it I told the staff that I knew it was not their fault but, unless I got a good nights sleep that night I would go home! Don't know what they did but we all got a good nights sleep that night and the problem patient was nowhere to be seen!

Not saying that you are in that position but it does need to made quite clear that they cannot give one patient preference over the good of the rest. Jack's solution sounds the most sensible.

Cheers

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Ebbie
Date: 05 Nov 13 - 11:04 AM

Once, when I was in hospital in traction with a bad back, I informed my doctor that the patient in the room with me kept ringing for staff - couldn't reach her water, couldn't find her TV remote, etc - and they didn't come so I was having to unhook myself and go over to her bed to help her so she'd be quiet.

I was moved out of that room in a flash.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: GUEST,Spleen Cringe
Date: 05 Nov 13 - 11:08 AM

Something definitely needs to happen. I agree that you need to be very careful when you approach the manager that you don't appear to be blaming the individual concerned - the focus should be on how her presentation is affecting your quality of life, health and wellbeing. The focus also needs to be on what steps the accommodation provider (and whichever health or social care agency are funding the placement) are taking to resolve the problem. At the end of the day this is your home, which is something that the staff in these places, no matter how nice they are, sometimes lose sight of, and the providers have a responsibility to safeguard your needs. I'm assuming you are in the UK - if so, if you don't get a response to a verbal followed by a written submission to the manager, you have ways of escalating the situation. If you have a community nurse or social worker you could contact them and let them know how the difficulties are impacting on you. You could also contact the funders for the placements at the home (which could be the local authority or the clinical commissioning group or both, depending on whether the focus of the home is health or social care needs). You can also contact the Care Quality Commission - concerns can be raised via their website. But talk to the home manager first and give them a chance to sort things out. They can't afford to have too many unhappy residents, especially if there's a chance it could get back to the funders.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: EBarnacle
Date: 05 Nov 13 - 05:20 PM

You have several issues here.

First, you need some rest and perhaps a change of location within the facility.

Second, why is this patient not on a pain management protocol?

Third, is this patient diabetic? That can cause psychiatric deterioration and paranoia. Regrettably, the last has no satisfactory answer except a psychiatric hospitalization with appropriate medications. How old is she?

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Nov 13 - 06:54 PM

See www.rc.org.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Jack Campin
Date: 05 Nov 13 - 06:57 PM

I was involved in that about 30 years ago. It was useful for some things and I don't regret doing it, but I fail to see any relevance to this situation.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: kendall
Date: 06 Nov 13 - 11:58 AM

Poor soul needs comforting. We should all be glad we are not so bad off.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: SINSULL
Date: 06 Nov 13 - 12:13 PM

Years ago when I had a hysterectomy, a young woman who I believe had Down Syndrome was in the next room. She too had had a hysterectomy and had idea what was going on. Her screams were pitiful.
They moved her to another floor.
Yes her night time antics were distressing but I can't imagine how frightened she must have been.
This poor woman's life seems to be totally out of her control.
Hopefully her caretakers can find a way to soothe her and also get you a decent night's sleep.
SINS

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Jeri
Date: 06 Nov 13 - 12:35 PM

Patients, and I believe that would include those in a care facility, are frequently difficult to deal with. They're in pain, not in control of their environments, and depend on others. It's not abnormal for them to be complete jerks. This person needs to have their pain seen to, and would benefit from having some control.

That's not up to you, though, and the staff should deal with it. Or you might be more effective if you were to be a little bit of a jerk yourself. In other words, don't try to suppress your own reactions.

Somebody up there said you should wonder why they put her in with you. While I think it was probably meant to be snotty, it may be a good question. Is she there because the staff believes you're tolerant enough to put up with this terrible situation? You aren't the care-giver.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Greg F.
Date: 06 Nov 13 - 06:15 PM

Is she actually in pain, or is that another one of her many apparent delusions?

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 06 Nov 13 - 09:09 PM

If my daughter was stuck in a shared set up she'd be terrible to live with, and she'd disrupt everyone else's life, and be desperately unhappy herself.

As it is she lives in her own place with a team of people helping her round the clock, and she is mostly good to be with and has a happy life. It's expensive for the council/ government ( same thing these days when you get down to it), but that's what they are there for.

I get enraged at the way the system lets down so many many people. And I have nightmares at a regime that cuts and cuts and cuts services, and what the future might hold.

This must be awful for you Claire. And for your flatmate too. It sounds like a rotten management, and a rotten local authority too. There's a lot like that.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Nov 13 - 10:03 PM

MOVE ... it is Her world ... not Yours!!!

Why would you remain with such insanity?

You have the understanding, and resources to change YOUR environment.

STOP IT... Stop your belly aching.

Fix what is wrong in your life.


Just MOVE ! ! !

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: GUEST,mg
Date: 07 Nov 13 - 12:39 AM

Not so easy..how do you know what her resources are?

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Will Fly
Date: 07 Nov 13 - 04:24 AM

GUEST above - you know nothing of Claire's personal circumstances and difficulties, so don't talk like an arrogant idiot.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 07 Nov 13 - 05:33 AM

Anonymous guest is probably a conservative or republican.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 07 Nov 13 - 07:47 AM

What a very insolent and ignorant GUEST that was.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: SINSULL
Date: 07 Nov 13 - 08:26 AM

That was a flamer and you are now playing his/her game. Ignore them.



Meantime Claire, what, if anything, have you tried and has anything changed?

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 08 Nov 13 - 01:30 AM

Anon Guest, the fool, has missed the essential 6th & 7th words in the first sentence of Claire's original posting ~~ she is in a care home: so how the hell does he think she can move?

The idiot!

~M~

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Claire M
Date: 17 Nov 13 - 02:33 PM

Hiya,

Well, he/she doesn't know what they're like/anything about process of moving in/out etc. I hope he never has to find out.
I would *love to.* I'd love not to need to be *in* one in the 1st place. This one, like most if not all, is full of young staff who are good @ the physical side of care but have no understanding of what disabilities * do* – ie how they restrict people – which can more often than not be something really simple – cos they don't have *any restrictions, .
One is always saying I'm just like her apart from the fact I'm on wheels [usually whilst nagging me that I can do a *lot * more]. My Second Thoughts said: "I ___ing hope not....".

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 17 Nov 13 - 02:48 PM

Claire, here in the US we have a saying attributed to Native Americans: There are many variations of it, but one I learned was "Never judge other people until you've walked a mile in their moccasins." That carer is judging you without walking a mile in your moccasins--or being confined to your wheelchair. I guess the nicest way to interpret what she is saying is that she is expressing wishful thinking that you could do more. Of course if you could do a lot more, she might no longer be needed on the job!

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 18 Nov 13 - 03:41 AM

I was once passing a hospital as a wheelchair user came down the curving ramp saying somthing to his partner about how the ramp must have been made without consulting a user because the slope was wrong.

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Nov 13 - 08:07 AM

Can you do more? Maybe she is encouraging you to reach your full potential and open up some doors to new adventures.

She is not operating in a vacuum. Her physical therapy is based on your doctors' assessment. Maybe you can work with her, set a goal for a new accomplishment and move on to a better life.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Jack Campin
Date: 18 Nov 13 - 09:34 PM

Doctors have no business doing that sort of assessment. It's an OT's job.

That last sentence is offensively patronizing.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: SINSULL
Date: 19 Nov 13 - 08:15 AM

It was not meant to be, Jack. Anyone I know who has been in Claire's situation works with a team of doctors, therapists, psychologists, etc. As a team they assess and devise treatment.
Claire may find she can do a lot more if she tries. Any increase in her independence has to be a plus.
The state of Maine just settled a lawsuit filed by three men suffering from Cerebral Palsy. They were kept in nursing homes where services were limited to keeping them clean and healthy. No effort was made to help them become independent. They cannot walk, speak clearly, function without assistance. 24 care is required.
They won. The first one moved into his own apartment this week. It is fitted out with a special chair on a track allowing him mobility to the bathroom. There is a Skype system so that he can get help if he needs it but the goal is to make him as independent as possible - his goal. He no longer has to share a room with a screaming flat mate. That is what I hope for Claire.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 19 Nov 13 - 08:46 AM

Clair told us that she sometimes acts strong, which leads others to believe she could do more than she actually can. It is a general problem of social interaction, not easy to solve, and not only occurring in care homes. Being able to choose one's company freely would be fine, but most of us must learn to live with people they have not chosen. (Others end up being lonesome against their will; not a desirable fate either.)

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 20 Nov 13 - 08:41 PM

Also, many people have days when they can do more than on other days. It would be a mistake to think that everyone, every day, is capable of doing as much.

Two weeks ago my joints were aching and I dragged myself through everything that needed to be done. Last week and so far this week (so far) I have felt much better and been able to do much more, including, today, an exercise that I hadn't been able to do ever before.

The abilities of all people can vary. For some the variance is more than for others.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Claire M
Date: 23 Nov 13 - 09:18 AM

Hiya,

I'm not offended, it's not the 1st time I've heard it. It's more to do w/ who says it; coming from family I would take it into consideration; coming from carers who have known me for 1yr, I would find it offensive.

I'm sure I/we could, but not as much as the staff think – if we could neither of us would be here! I've said that pain does funny things. 2 carers needed for hoist but would need them 24/7, as my flatmate would – @ least we are kept clean & healthy.

Sounds to me like said staff don't want to be in their jobs anyway, in that case "there's the door, go through it." I wish ♥ily that they would, cos all they can see is that 1 of the residents is getting shouty, which is rude, but they don't think about the way they talk to them/that it might be made worse, the older staff do bar one. A good couple of us have complained about her [the staff member, not my flatmate].

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Nov 13 - 09:30 PM

Clair -

In the morrow ... when you are perhaps, less drugged up ? ? ?

Please repost what you were attempting to communicate at 9:18 above.

Sincerely,

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Jeri
Date: 23 Nov 13 - 10:30 PM

It's gargoyle, whose hobby seems to be finding victims he can be snotty to on Mudcat. Ignore him, unless you wish to take the time to pity him.

Garg, her post is quite easy to comprehend. Maybe you should try tomorrow when you sober up.

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: Claire M
Date: 11 Jan 14 - 12:39 PM

Hiya,

We've since had a big staff overhaul. Thing is what 1 member of staff thinks is someone kicking off, may not bother another. There's no staff here that are genuinely horrible, except the woman who's had all the complaints (I've added my name to the list as well)

There was an agency carer here today. She is foreign & she was traumatised by what my flatmate said to her, then 10 mins later my flatmate was fine & talking sense. The carer is a bit overcautious but she's really nice. She's now taken it to the big boss. I hope something will be done so I/we can have ☮!

Subject: RE: BS: Screaming Flatmate
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 12 Jan 14 - 08:11 PM

For your sake, I hope so, too.