BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp

Subject: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 08:24 PM

Karen comes home from work the other morning and a plumber had been I to do some repairs. When finished, he sat around ad told stories and jokes to the lab folks. Karen said he was actually a nice guy and pretty funny. He had a few song titles which he said a toilet would sing and asked them if they could think of any. Karen immediately said, "No but my husband might and in any case he has this group of characters he hangs out with on the net and I think this idea is right where some of them live."

So.......they can be whatever.....like, "Your Touch Make Me Flush" or "Your Bare Ass Is Embarrassing." "My Life Is Not A Bowl Of Cherries" fits too.....Look, it be that easy fellow jadrools! Go for it. At the end there will be absolutely no monetary reward and no prize either.......not even an almost empty roll of asswipes.

"My View Of You Is Tainted"


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: olddude
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 08:31 PM

Brown eyed girl

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: olddude
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 08:32 PM

sixteen tons , down in the valley hear the train blow

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Janie
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 08:38 PM

uhhhmmmmm.....cogitating while digesting....

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 08:52 PM

It's got to be Pee.
No Sanitary Napkins Please
Water Loo
Hello to the loo goodbye poo
Up on the loo
Its a Wonderful Swirl
My Wonderful Toi(let) (It went swish when it flushed....)
Peeing Through Your Bum
Talking on the porcelain throne phone

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 08:58 PM

A movie line: Here's looking at you, kid.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:04 PM

Oh, moon of Alabama.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jeri
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:09 PM

This is not necessarily what a toilet would sing, but it IS toilet related:

CHORUS:
We are circling the drain our whole lives through
We are going to snuff it, and there's nothing we can do
So live today and not be in a rush
For we'll all go swirly when the water's flushed

You can't choose what to hold onto, except sometimes there is ice
But mostly there is other stuff that isn't very nice
And if you're in blue water trying to stay afloat
You might find a tiny man in a little row boat
CHORUS

For some it is a challenge, for some they cannot swim
And some are seeking safety and they stick close to the rim
But as rising winds blow o'er us, in a mighty sphinctered shout,
There is just the drain before us, there can be no climbing out.
CHORUS

Some are floaters, some are sinkers, but one thing is true
All of us are stinkers when anal-i-sis is through
Some of us have money, some of us have fame
But when the universe digests us, we all come out the same
CHORUS

Oh, there is no other journey that will ever be the same,
No second chance horizon once you go down the drain.
When the welling whirlpool rises the stormy winds, they drive,
Give your heart a song, sing it loud and long, keep your dreams alive.
CHORUS

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:14 PM

Seven Old Ladies is the classic toilet song.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:17 PM

Geeziz Jeri....What a winner that is.


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jeri
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:26 PM

Thanks, Spaw. I wrote it a few (seven) years ago, and forgot about it, probably on purpose.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:39 PM

YOur creature has just been given LIFE!!!! You knew there was a reason just not what it was.

This is it............


Kinda' sad........but DAMN.....JUST GREAT!!!


Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:52 PM

Great Jeri,

It went swish when it flushed. Nice one Jack, please finish it for us.

Maybe, and plop when it dropped....

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:55 PM

and "Pfrrt" when it was through.

OH SHUT UP.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jeri
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:55 PM

I heart you, Spaw.
I honestly couldn't think of an appropriate response, so I squeezed that one out of my hard drive.

Hey! How about "Another Man Done Gone"?
Shittin' on the Dock of the Bay
Ooh Poo Pah Doo
Ring of Fire

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 10:02 PM

OK,

It went plop when it dropped
and swish when it flushed
and "Pfrrt" when it was through
I never knew just what it was
but it went down the lou.

Spaw and Jack - I'm gonna KILL you!

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 10:31 PM

The first time that I peed in it
I couldn't believe my eyes
Right on the side was a shiny lever
That gave me a big surprise.
I pushed it down, my pee went "Whoosh"
I hid behind the door
And when I peeked back out again
It was clean just like before........
CHORUS

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 10:32 PM

LOL

I think ring of fire is my favorite.

Nice job Bert.

"Plop when it dropped" is classic!

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 10:33 PM

The above is a second verse. We need a first and last.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 10:35 PM

The curry cause a burning ring of fire
It was so hot that it made me perspire
And it burns burns burns......

But instead of mariachi horns we need whoopie cushions.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 10:45 PM

The days have gone by too quickly it seems
And I still use the Head
I've used it well these many years
Which can be fairly said.
So I open my fly and take my aim
I hardly ever miss
But age has had a toll on me
And it takes forever to piss.
CHORUS

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 10:49 PM

That works for last....Anyone else for a first?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 11:04 PM

When I was just a wee little lad,
Full of health and joy,
My father homeward came one night
And and sat me on a toy

LET.

A wonder to behold it was
it was colored white
And the moment I laid eyes on it,
It became my heart's delight.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 11:06 PM

And you know Tom Paxton is gonna murder the lot of us.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE MARVELOUS TOY (Parody)
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 11:11 PM

OK, here 'tiz in all its glory.

When I was just a wee little lad,
Full of health and joy,
My father homeward came one night
And and sat me on a toy

LET.

A wonder to behold it was
it was colored white
And the moment I laid eyes on it,
It became my heart's delight.

It went plop when it dropped
and swish when it flushed
and "Pfrrt" when it was through
I never knew just what it was
but it went down the lou.

The first time that I peed in it
I couldn't believe my eyes
Right on the side was a shiny lever
That gave me a big surprise.
I pushed it down, my pee went "Whoosh"
I hid behind the door
And when I peeked back out again
It was clean just like before........

It went.....

The days have gone by too quickly it seems
And I still use the Head
I've used it well these many years
Which can be fairly said.
So I open my fly and take my aim
I hardly ever miss
But age has had a toll on me
And it takes forever to piss.

It went.....

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 11:14 PM

All that is needed now is to put it on the "computer animated songs" thread.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 11:34 PM

And Karen loves this song AND Tom of course.........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 01:15 AM

brilliant!

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 02:39 AM

Now of course I have to learn to play it for the open mic tomorrow night.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 03:31 AM

"Oh, the wayward wind is a restless wind
A restless wind that yearns to wander ..."

John

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 03:46 AM

Spaw, you owe me a new keyboard! This is so much like the 'Cat of old used to be......

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 04:04 AM

I think that we may have kinda bulldozed Jack out of this. After all 'swish when it flushed' was what started it.

So Jack feel free to step in and add you two penn'orth to it. It isn't set in concrete yet.

Yes Jennie, like the 'Cat of old. I remember being involved in the first Mudcat collaboration song. It was with Katlaughing and "That's not my Colorado".

It wasn't a true collaboration song, what happened was that Kat wrote it first as a poem and I encouraged her to make it into a song. I did this by putting my own tune to her words and singing it to her over the phone. She then put her own, much better, tune to it. So in reality it was all her own work. I still can't sing it to her tune because it is too sophisticated musically for me.

So let us take a moment while I shed a tear for our Darling Katlaughing.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 04:22 AM

Many's the year I have spent on my own.
Here in your bathroom, lost and alone.
But I've much to be happy for, such is my wont,
I get more attention than the local Church Font!

I see many sights which I will not relate,
I often get s--t upon, such is my fate.
I'm strong in my mind, on that please depend,
If not I would surely be driven round the bend.

Life isn't easy when you're sat on my seat,
If I could I would force you to p--s on your feet.
But I won't be unhappy and won't ever moan,
As I wait here for you to drop your mobile phone!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 04:22 AM

LiK sugests "Thank God and Greyhound you're gone."

(Seems like talkin' to your turd is getting a bit personal to me; but maybe hers have more "personality" than mine.)

John

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 04:52 AM

They are shifting Daddy's bones to build a sewer

They are moving them regardless of expense.

They are shifting his remains just to lay down karzi drains

To satisfy the local residents.

Gor blimey!

Now what's the use of having a religion?
If after death your troubles never cease
'Cause some high society twit, wants a place to go and sit
they won't let the poor old geezer rest in peace peace.
Gor blimey!

In his life the Old Man never was a quitter
And I don't think he'll be a quitter now.
no he'll dress up in his sheet, and he'll haunt the karzi seat
And only let them in when he'll allow.
Gor blimey!

Now won't there be some pangs of constipation
And won't those high born bleeders shout and rave!
But they'll get what they deserve, 'cause they had the bloody' nerve
To desecrate a British workman's grave.
Gor blimey!
To desecrate a British workman's grave.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 04:55 AM

Dan, Dan the Lavatory Man

Deep down, underneath the ground,
There's a whole lot of bullshit lying all around,
Some of it is wet, and some of it is dry,
and some of it stinks to heaven high.

Dan, Dan the lavatory man,
he's the chief superintendant of the shithouse clan.
Picking up the paper, rolling up the towels,
working to the rhythm of the rumbling bowels.

There's a gurgle in the pipes, Dan wakes from his nap,
someone on the surface in having a crap.
Plip, plot, near the drop,
Honkey tonk baby it's the shithouse rock.

Dan, Dan, etc.....

Down in the subway, a sound is heard,
it's the rumble and the crumble of the falling turd.
Splish, splash, mind your shoes,
Yeenar! it's the shithouse blues.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 04:58 AM

SONIA SNELL
by
Cyril Fletcher

This is the tale of Sonia Snell,
To whom an accident befell.
An accident which may well seem
Embarrassing in the extreme.
It happened, as it does to many,
That Sonia had to spend a penny.
She entered in with modest grace
The properly appointed place
Provided at the railway station,
And there she sat in meditation,
Unfortunately unacquainted
The woodwork had been newly painted
Which made poor Sonia realise
Her inability to rise.
And though she struggled, pulled and yelled
She found that she was firmly held.
She raised her voice in mournful shout
"Please someone come and help me out."
Her cries for help then quickly brought
A crowd of every kind and sort.
They stood around and feebly sniggered
And all they said was "I'll be jiggered."
"Gor blimey" said the ancient porter
"We ought to soak her off with water."
The Station Master and the staff
Were most perverse and did not laugh
But lugged at Sonia's hands and feet
And could not get her off the seat.
The carpenter arrived at last
And, finding Sonia still stuck fast
Remarked "I know what I can do',
And neatly sawed the seat right through.
Sonia arose, only to find
A wooden halo on behind.
An ambulance came down the street
And bore her off, complete with seat
To take the wooden bustled gal
Off quickly to the hospital.
They hurried Sonia off inside
After a short but painful ride
And seizing her by heels and head
Laid her face down on the bed.
The doctors all came on parade
To render her immediate aid.
A surgeon said "Upon my word
Could anything be more absurd,
Have any of you, I implore,
Seen anything like this before?"
"Yes" said a student, unashamed,
"Frequently... but never framed."

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Leadfingers
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 05:35 AM

And there is always Johnny Cash's 'Flushed From the Bathroom of Your Heart'

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 11:05 AM

FLING IT HERE, FLING IT THERE

C G C D / G C F / C G C / F C G

Way down on the farm we are right up to date,
Farm mechanization's the byword of late.
For every task, there's a gadget to match,
But our new muck-spreader's the best of the batch.

Fling it here, Fling it there,
If you're standing by then you'll all get your share.

Now young Walter Hodgkins, he brought back a load
Of liquid manure from the farm up the road.
He hummed to himself as he drove up the street,
And his load also hummmmmmmmmmmed in the afternoon heat.

The muck-spreader had a mechanical fault,
And a bump in the road turned in on with a jolt.
An odorous spray of manure it let fly
Without fear or favor on all who passed by.

The cats and the dogs stank to high kingdom come,
And the kiddies, browned off, ran home screaming to Mum.
The trail of sheer havoc were terrible grim,
One open car were filled up to the brim.

The vicarage windows were all open wide,
When a generous helping descended inside.
The vicar, at table, intoned "Let us pray"
When manure from heaven came flying his way.

In garden, Miss Pringle was quite scandalized.
"Good gracious!" she cried, "I've been fertilized."
While the Methodist minister's teetotal wife
Were plastered for the very first time in her life.

And all of this time Walter trundled along,
He was quite unaware there was anything wrong,
Till a vision of woe flagged him down - what a sight!
A policeman all covered in . . . you've got it right.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 11:23 AM

And here are few selected verses from the many verses, variants, and versions, of this old favorite to the tune of "Humoresque."


Passengers will please refrain
From flushing toilets while the train
Is standing in the station, I love you.
We encourage constipation
While the train is in the station,
Moonlight always makes me think of you.


If you simply have to go
When other people are too slow,
There is only one thing you can do.
You'll just have to take a chance,
Be brave and do it in your pants,
But I'll forgive you, darling, I love you.


Passengers will please refrain
From flushing toilets while the train
Is standing in the station, I love you.
If you have to pass some water,
Kindly call the Pullman Porter.
He'll place a vessel in the vestibule.


If this method is in vain,
You may break a window pane.
This novel method's used by very few.
Tramps and hobos underneath
May catch it in the nose and teeth.
And they may bite off more than they can chew.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Amergin
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 11:37 AM

I have a few in the old ancient Mudcat Songbook....hmmm think I'll go looking.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: artbrooks
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 11:54 AM

Down, down, down,
The stomach to.
Round, round, round,
The system thru.

With Ex Lax
You can really say,
Relief is just
A swallow away.

(with apologies to Alka Seltzer)

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 12:05 PM

tainted love


how about plop plop fizz fizz oh what a relief it is

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 12:13 PM

Bert, I love your changes, especially to the parts I wrote.

"Plop when it dropped is genious!"


I'd suggest a change or two to make a little more a parody and a little less copyright infringing.

See if you can use any of this.

When I was just a wee little lad,
no more than a boy-let,
My mother tried to potty train me
And and sat me on the toilet

I wondered at the size of it
and at the little well
I wondered where the water went
and marveled at the smell

My spatter splashed upon the walls
causing it to stink em
so my mother tossed some cheereos in
instructing me to sink em

My practiced aim made me welcome in
the company of women
I never hear the words "clean it yourself!"
pronounced with awesome venom.


It went plop when it dropped
and swish when it flushed
and "Pfrrt" when it was through
I never knew just where it went
when I did number two.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Mooh, the non-commissioned member.
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 12:16 PM

The Weight

Poo Poo Poo'boogie

Then there's Purcell's Trumpet Tune, it plays most mornings here.

Peace, Mooh.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 12:16 PM

Reminds me-

In the middle of the night a man was comtemplatively seated on the loo in the dark when he heard his wife rise from their bed and approach. He said it was so dark that all he could see was this big white moon aiming for his lap.

Pretty much what the toilet sees.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack Campin
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 12:55 PM

Hallelujah, it's a bum,
Hallelujah, bum again...

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: ClaireBear
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 01:22 PM

The Sacred Harp classic "Pisgah," definitely! The lyrics:

Jesus, Thou art the sinner's friend,
As such I look to Thee,
Now in the bowels of Thy love,
Oh Lord, remember me.

Remember the pure word of grace,
Remember Calvary,
Remember all Thy dying groans,
And then remember me.

Thou wondrous advocate with God,
I yield myself to Thee,
While Thou art sitting on Thy throne,
Oh Lord, remember me.

And when I close my eyes in death,
And creature helps all flee,
Then, Oh my great Redeemer, God,
I pray remember me.

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack Campin
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 01:34 PM

Around the time Princess Diana was in the news for undergoing colonic irrigation, somebody on uk.music.folk came up with a parody of Paul Anka's "Diana" that ended

Oh, please, spray for me,
Diana.

Can anyone find it?

Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 02:14 PM

Jack-the-Sailor, I'm wondering about the seven old ladies. Surely there were only three? Where do the extra four come into it? Bit crowded in there!