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BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp

catspaw49 20 Jan 14 - 08:24 PM
olddude 20 Jan 14 - 08:31 PM
olddude 20 Jan 14 - 08:32 PM
Janie 20 Jan 14 - 08:38 PM
Jack the Sailor 20 Jan 14 - 08:52 PM
GUEST 20 Jan 14 - 08:58 PM
GUEST 20 Jan 14 - 09:04 PM
Jeri 20 Jan 14 - 09:09 PM
Jack the Sailor 20 Jan 14 - 09:14 PM
catspaw49 20 Jan 14 - 09:17 PM
Jeri 20 Jan 14 - 09:26 PM
catspaw49 20 Jan 14 - 09:39 PM
Bert 20 Jan 14 - 09:52 PM
Bert 20 Jan 14 - 09:55 PM
Jeri 20 Jan 14 - 09:55 PM
Bert 20 Jan 14 - 10:02 PM
catspaw49 20 Jan 14 - 10:31 PM
Jack the Sailor 20 Jan 14 - 10:32 PM
catspaw49 20 Jan 14 - 10:33 PM
Jack the Sailor 20 Jan 14 - 10:35 PM
catspaw49 20 Jan 14 - 10:45 PM
catspaw49 20 Jan 14 - 10:49 PM
Bert 20 Jan 14 - 11:04 PM
Bert 20 Jan 14 - 11:06 PM
Bert 20 Jan 14 - 11:11 PM
Bert 20 Jan 14 - 11:14 PM
catspaw49 20 Jan 14 - 11:34 PM
Sandra in Sydney 21 Jan 14 - 01:15 AM
Bert 21 Jan 14 - 02:39 AM
JohnInKansas 21 Jan 14 - 03:31 AM
JennieG 21 Jan 14 - 03:46 AM
Bert 21 Jan 14 - 04:04 AM
Georgiansilver 21 Jan 14 - 04:22 AM
JohnInKansas 21 Jan 14 - 04:22 AM
Bert 21 Jan 14 - 04:52 AM
Bert 21 Jan 14 - 04:55 AM
Bert 21 Jan 14 - 04:58 AM
Leadfingers 21 Jan 14 - 05:35 AM
Bill D 21 Jan 14 - 11:05 AM
catspaw49 21 Jan 14 - 11:23 AM
Amergin 21 Jan 14 - 11:37 AM
artbrooks 21 Jan 14 - 11:54 AM
GUEST,olddude 21 Jan 14 - 12:05 PM
Jack the Sailor 21 Jan 14 - 12:13 PM
GUEST,Mooh, the non-commissioned member. 21 Jan 14 - 12:16 PM
Ebbie 21 Jan 14 - 12:16 PM
Jack Campin 21 Jan 14 - 12:55 PM
ClaireBear 21 Jan 14 - 01:22 PM
Jack Campin 21 Jan 14 - 01:34 PM
GUEST,Eliza 21 Jan 14 - 02:14 PM
Bert 21 Jan 14 - 02:26 PM
GUEST,Eliza 21 Jan 14 - 02:31 PM
Bill D 21 Jan 14 - 02:32 PM
JohnInKansas 21 Jan 14 - 03:16 PM
Jack the Sailor 21 Jan 14 - 04:42 PM
olddude 21 Jan 14 - 08:40 PM
olddude 21 Jan 14 - 08:42 PM
Bert 21 Jan 14 - 08:50 PM
Bill D 21 Jan 14 - 11:08 PM
ClaireBear 22 Jan 14 - 12:43 AM
Nigel Parsons 22 Jan 14 - 03:51 AM
Mo the caller 22 Jan 14 - 03:55 AM
GUEST,Black belt caterpillar wrestler 22 Jan 14 - 05:53 AM
Nigel Parsons 22 Jan 14 - 06:14 AM
Big Al Whittle 22 Jan 14 - 06:35 AM
GUEST,Eliza 22 Jan 14 - 06:38 AM
JennieG 22 Jan 14 - 06:49 AM
Rapparee 22 Jan 14 - 10:16 AM
Nigel Parsons 22 Jan 14 - 11:08 AM
GUEST,Celtaddict 22 Jan 14 - 11:51 AM
JohnInKansas 22 Jan 14 - 11:58 AM
Genie 22 Jan 14 - 05:01 PM
GUEST,Loo Read 22 Jan 14 - 06:45 PM
Big Al Whittle 22 Jan 14 - 07:13 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 14 - 09:33 PM
Janie 22 Jan 14 - 09:57 PM
Amos 23 Jan 14 - 12:08 AM
Bert 23 Jan 14 - 03:09 AM
Nigel Parsons 23 Jan 14 - 03:47 AM
Roger the Skiffler 23 Jan 14 - 04:45 AM
Roger the Skiffler 23 Jan 14 - 04:46 AM
Big Al Whittle 23 Jan 14 - 05:52 AM
GUEST,Roger the cookieless skiffler 23 Jan 14 - 06:27 AM
Roger the Skiffler 23 Jan 14 - 09:20 AM
Roger the Skiffler 24 Jan 14 - 05:44 AM
Rapparee 24 Jan 14 - 10:03 AM
Barbara Shaw 25 Jan 14 - 09:46 AM
Bert 26 Jan 14 - 03:42 AM
Jim Carroll 26 Jan 14 - 09:45 AM
JennieG 26 Jan 14 - 04:28 PM
Bert 27 Jan 14 - 12:58 AM
Bert 27 Jan 14 - 01:21 AM
Bert 27 Jan 14 - 01:54 AM
GUEST,Triplane 27 Jan 14 - 02:23 AM
catspaw49 27 Jan 14 - 01:25 PM
Peter the Squeezer 27 Jan 14 - 03:14 PM
Jack the Sailor 27 Jan 14 - 03:49 PM
Bert 27 Jan 14 - 05:05 PM
gnu 12 Feb 14 - 07:11 AM
gnu 12 Feb 14 - 07:16 AM
Barbara Shaw 12 Feb 14 - 10:38 AM

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Subject: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 08:24 PM

Karen comes home from work the other morning and a plumber had been I to do some repairs. When finished, he sat around ad told stories and jokes to the lab folks. Karen said he was actually a nice guy and pretty funny. He had a few song titles which he said a toilet would sing and asked them if they could think of any. Karen immediately said, "No but my husband might and in any case he has this group of characters he hangs out with on the net and I think this idea is right where some of them live."

So.......they can be whatever.....like, "Your Touch Make Me Flush" or "Your Bare Ass Is Embarrassing." "My Life Is Not A Bowl Of Cherries" fits too.....Look, it be that easy fellow jadrools! Go for it. At the end there will be absolutely no monetary reward and no prize either.......not even an almost empty roll of asswipes.

"My View Of You Is Tainted"


Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: olddude
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 08:31 PM

Brown eyed girl


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: olddude
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 08:32 PM

sixteen tons , down in the valley hear the train blow


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Janie
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 08:38 PM

uhhhmmmmm.....cogitating while digesting....


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 08:52 PM

It's got to be Pee.
No Sanitary Napkins Please
Water Loo
Hello to the loo goodbye poo
Up on the loo
Its a Wonderful Swirl
My Wonderful Toi(let) (It went swish when it flushed....)
Peeing Through Your Bum
Talking on the porcelain throne phone


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 08:58 PM

A movie line: Here's looking at you, kid.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:04 PM

Oh, moon of Alabama.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jeri
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:09 PM

This is not necessarily what a toilet would sing, but it IS toilet related:

CHORUS:
We are circling the drain our whole lives through
We are going to snuff it, and there's nothing we can do
So live today and not be in a rush
For we'll all go swirly when the water's flushed

You can't choose what to hold onto, except sometimes there is ice
But mostly there is other stuff that isn't very nice
And if you're in blue water trying to stay afloat
You might find a tiny man in a little row boat
CHORUS

For some it is a challenge, for some they cannot swim
And some are seeking safety and they stick close to the rim
But as rising winds blow o'er us, in a mighty sphinctered shout,
There is just the drain before us, there can be no climbing out.
CHORUS

Some are floaters, some are sinkers, but one thing is true
All of us are stinkers when anal-i-sis is through
Some of us have money, some of us have fame
But when the universe digests us, we all come out the same
CHORUS

Oh, there is no other journey that will ever be the same,
No second chance horizon once you go down the drain.
When the welling whirlpool rises the stormy winds, they drive,
Give your heart a song, sing it loud and long, keep your dreams alive.
CHORUS


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:14 PM

Seven Old Ladies is the classic toilet song.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:17 PM

Geeziz Jeri....What a winner that is.


Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jeri
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:26 PM

Thanks, Spaw. I wrote it a few (seven) years ago, and forgot about it, probably on purpose.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:39 PM

YOur creature has just been given LIFE!!!! You knew there was a reason just not what it was.

This is it............


Kinda' sad........but DAMN.....JUST GREAT!!!


Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:52 PM

Great Jeri,

It went swish when it flushed. Nice one Jack, please finish it for us.

Maybe, and plop when it dropped....


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:55 PM

and "Pfrrt" when it was through.

OH SHUT UP.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jeri
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 09:55 PM

I heart you, Spaw.
I honestly couldn't think of an appropriate response, so I squeezed that one out of my hard drive.

Hey! How about "Another Man Done Gone"?
Shittin' on the Dock of the Bay
Ooh Poo Pah Doo
Ring of Fire


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 10:02 PM

OK,

It went plop when it dropped
and swish when it flushed
and "Pfrrt" when it was through
I never knew just what it was
but it went down the lou.

Spaw and Jack - I'm gonna KILL you!


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 10:31 PM

The first time that I peed in it
I couldn't believe my eyes
Right on the side was a shiny lever
That gave me a big surprise.
I pushed it down, my pee went "Whoosh"
I hid behind the door
And when I peeked back out again
It was clean just like before........
CHORUS


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 10:32 PM

LOL

I think ring of fire is my favorite.

Nice job Bert.

"Plop when it dropped" is classic!


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 10:33 PM

The above is a second verse. We need a first and last.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 10:35 PM

The curry cause a burning ring of fire
It was so hot that it made me perspire
And it burns burns burns......

But instead of mariachi horns we need whoopie cushions.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 10:45 PM

The days have gone by too quickly it seems
And I still use the Head
I've used it well these many years
Which can be fairly said.
So I open my fly and take my aim
I hardly ever miss
But age has had a toll on me
And it takes forever to piss.
CHORUS


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 10:49 PM

That works for last....Anyone else for a first?

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 11:04 PM

When I was just a wee little lad,
Full of health and joy,
My father homeward came one night
And and sat me on a toy

LET.

A wonder to behold it was
it was colored white
And the moment I laid eyes on it,
It became my heart's delight.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 11:06 PM

And you know Tom Paxton is gonna murder the lot of us.


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Subject: Lyr Add: THE MARVELOUS TOY (Parody)
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 11:11 PM

OK, here 'tiz in all its glory.

When I was just a wee little lad,
Full of health and joy,
My father homeward came one night
And and sat me on a toy

LET.

A wonder to behold it was
it was colored white
And the moment I laid eyes on it,
It became my heart's delight.

It went plop when it dropped
and swish when it flushed
and "Pfrrt" when it was through
I never knew just what it was
but it went down the lou.

The first time that I peed in it
I couldn't believe my eyes
Right on the side was a shiny lever
That gave me a big surprise.
I pushed it down, my pee went "Whoosh"
I hid behind the door
And when I peeked back out again
It was clean just like before........

It went.....

The days have gone by too quickly it seems
And I still use the Head
I've used it well these many years
Which can be fairly said.
So I open my fly and take my aim
I hardly ever miss
But age has had a toll on me
And it takes forever to piss.

It went.....


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 11:14 PM

All that is needed now is to put it on the "computer animated songs" thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jan 14 - 11:34 PM

And Karen loves this song AND Tom of course.........

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 01:15 AM

brilliant!


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 02:39 AM

Now of course I have to learn to play it for the open mic tomorrow night.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 03:31 AM

"Oh, the wayward wind is a restless wind
A restless wind that yearns to wander ..."

John


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 03:46 AM

Spaw, you owe me a new keyboard! This is so much like the 'Cat of old used to be......


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 04:04 AM

I think that we may have kinda bulldozed Jack out of this. After all 'swish when it flushed' was what started it.

So Jack feel free to step in and add you two penn'orth to it. It isn't set in concrete yet.

Yes Jennie, like the 'Cat of old. I remember being involved in the first Mudcat collaboration song. It was with Katlaughing and "That's not my Colorado".

It wasn't a true collaboration song, what happened was that Kat wrote it first as a poem and I encouraged her to make it into a song. I did this by putting my own tune to her words and singing it to her over the phone. She then put her own, much better, tune to it. So in reality it was all her own work. I still can't sing it to her tune because it is too sophisticated musically for me.

So let us take a moment while I shed a tear for our Darling Katlaughing.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 04:22 AM

Many's the year I have spent on my own.
Here in your bathroom, lost and alone.
But I've much to be happy for, such is my wont,
I get more attention than the local Church Font!

I see many sights which I will not relate,
I often get s--t upon, such is my fate.
I'm strong in my mind, on that please depend,
If not I would surely be driven round the bend.

Life isn't easy when you're sat on my seat,
If I could I would force you to p--s on your feet.
But I won't be unhappy and won't ever moan,
As I wait here for you to drop your mobile phone!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 04:22 AM

LiK sugests "Thank God and Greyhound you're gone."

(Seems like talkin' to your turd is getting a bit personal to me; but maybe hers have more "personality" than mine.)

John


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 04:52 AM

They are shifting Daddy's bones to build a sewer

They are moving them regardless of expense.

They are shifting his remains just to lay down karzi drains

To satisfy the local residents.

Gor blimey!

Now what's the use of having a religion?
If after death your troubles never cease
'Cause some high society twit, wants a place to go and sit
they won't let the poor old geezer rest in peace peace.
Gor blimey!

In his life the Old Man never was a quitter
And I don't think he'll be a quitter now.
no he'll dress up in his sheet, and he'll haunt the karzi seat
And only let them in when he'll allow.
Gor blimey!

Now won't there be some pangs of constipation
And won't those high born bleeders shout and rave!
But they'll get what they deserve, 'cause they had the bloody' nerve
To desecrate a British workman's grave.
Gor blimey!
To desecrate a British workman's grave.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 04:55 AM

Dan, Dan the Lavatory Man

Deep down, underneath the ground,
There's a whole lot of bullshit lying all around,
Some of it is wet, and some of it is dry,
and some of it stinks to heaven high.

Dan, Dan the lavatory man,
he's the chief superintendant of the shithouse clan.
Picking up the paper, rolling up the towels,
working to the rhythm of the rumbling bowels.

There's a gurgle in the pipes, Dan wakes from his nap,
someone on the surface in having a crap.
Plip, plot, near the drop,
Honkey tonk baby it's the shithouse rock.

Dan, Dan, etc.....

Down in the subway, a sound is heard,
it's the rumble and the crumble of the falling turd.
Splish, splash, mind your shoes,
Yeenar! it's the shithouse blues.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 04:58 AM

SONIA SNELL
by
Cyril Fletcher

This is the tale of Sonia Snell,
To whom an accident befell.
An accident which may well seem
Embarrassing in the extreme.
It happened, as it does to many,
That Sonia had to spend a penny.
She entered in with modest grace
The properly appointed place
Provided at the railway station,
And there she sat in meditation,
Unfortunately unacquainted
The woodwork had been newly painted
Which made poor Sonia realise
Her inability to rise.
And though she struggled, pulled and yelled
She found that she was firmly held.
She raised her voice in mournful shout
"Please someone come and help me out."
Her cries for help then quickly brought
A crowd of every kind and sort.
They stood around and feebly sniggered
And all they said was "I'll be jiggered."
"Gor blimey" said the ancient porter
"We ought to soak her off with water."
The Station Master and the staff
Were most perverse and did not laugh
But lugged at Sonia's hands and feet
And could not get her off the seat.
The carpenter arrived at last
And, finding Sonia still stuck fast
Remarked "I know what I can do',
And neatly sawed the seat right through.
Sonia arose, only to find
A wooden halo on behind.
An ambulance came down the street
And bore her off, complete with seat
To take the wooden bustled gal
Off quickly to the hospital.
They hurried Sonia off inside
After a short but painful ride
And seizing her by heels and head
Laid her face down on the bed.
The doctors all came on parade
To render her immediate aid.
A surgeon said "Upon my word
Could anything be more absurd,
Have any of you, I implore,
Seen anything like this before?"
"Yes" said a student, unashamed,
"Frequently... but never framed."


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Leadfingers
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 05:35 AM

And there is always Johnny Cash's 'Flushed From the Bathroom of Your Heart'


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 11:05 AM

FLING IT HERE, FLING IT THERE

C G C D / G C F / C G C / F C G

Way down on the farm we are right up to date,
Farm mechanization's the byword of late.
For every task, there's a gadget to match,
But our new muck-spreader's the best of the batch.

Fling it here, Fling it there,
If you're standing by then you'll all get your share.

Now young Walter Hodgkins, he brought back a load
Of liquid manure from the farm up the road.
He hummed to himself as he drove up the street,
And his load also hummmmmmmmmmmed in the afternoon heat.

The muck-spreader had a mechanical fault,
And a bump in the road turned in on with a jolt.
An odorous spray of manure it let fly
Without fear or favor on all who passed by.

The cats and the dogs stank to high kingdom come,
And the kiddies, browned off, ran home screaming to Mum.
The trail of sheer havoc were terrible grim,
One open car were filled up to the brim.

The vicarage windows were all open wide,
When a generous helping descended inside.
The vicar, at table, intoned "Let us pray"
When manure from heaven came flying his way.

In garden, Miss Pringle was quite scandalized.
"Good gracious!" she cried, "I've been fertilized."
While the Methodist minister's teetotal wife
Were plastered for the very first time in her life.

And all of this time Walter trundled along,
He was quite unaware there was anything wrong,
Till a vision of woe flagged him down - what a sight!
A policeman all covered in . . . you've got it right.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 11:23 AM

And here are few selected verses from the many verses, variants, and versions, of this old favorite to the tune of "Humoresque."


Passengers will please refrain
From flushing toilets while the train
Is standing in the station, I love you.
We encourage constipation
While the train is in the station,
Moonlight always makes me think of you.


If you simply have to go
When other people are too slow,
There is only one thing you can do.
You'll just have to take a chance,
Be brave and do it in your pants,
But I'll forgive you, darling, I love you.


Passengers will please refrain
From flushing toilets while the train
Is standing in the station, I love you.
If you have to pass some water,
Kindly call the Pullman Porter.
He'll place a vessel in the vestibule.


If this method is in vain,
You may break a window pane.
This novel method's used by very few.
Tramps and hobos underneath
May catch it in the nose and teeth.
And they may bite off more than they can chew.


Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Amergin
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 11:37 AM

I have a few in the old ancient Mudcat Songbook....hmmm think I'll go looking.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: artbrooks
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 11:54 AM

Down, down, down,
The stomach to.
Round, round, round,
The system thru.

With Ex Lax
You can really say,
Relief is just
A swallow away.

(with apologies to Alka Seltzer)


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 12:05 PM

tainted love


how about plop plop fizz fizz oh what a relief it is


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 12:13 PM

Bert, I love your changes, especially to the parts I wrote.

"Plop when it dropped is genious!"


I'd suggest a change or two to make a little more a parody and a little less copyright infringing.

See if you can use any of this.

When I was just a wee little lad,
no more than a boy-let,
My mother tried to potty train me
And and sat me on the toilet

I wondered at the size of it
and at the little well
I wondered where the water went
and marveled at the smell

My spatter splashed upon the walls
causing it to stink em
so my mother tossed some cheereos in
instructing me to sink em

My practiced aim made me welcome in
the company of women
I never hear the words "clean it yourself!"
pronounced with awesome venom.


It went plop when it dropped
and swish when it flushed
and "Pfrrt" when it was through
I never knew just where it went
when I did number two.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Mooh, the non-commissioned member.
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 12:16 PM

The Weight

Poo Poo Poo'boogie

Then there's Purcell's Trumpet Tune, it plays most mornings here.

Peace, Mooh.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Ebbie
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 12:16 PM

Reminds me-

In the middle of the night a man was comtemplatively seated on the loo in the dark when he heard his wife rise from their bed and approach. He said it was so dark that all he could see was this big white moon aiming for his lap.

Pretty much what the toilet sees.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack Campin
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 12:55 PM

Hallelujah, it's a bum,
Hallelujah, bum again...


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: ClaireBear
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 01:22 PM

The Sacred Harp classic "Pisgah," definitely! The lyrics:

Jesus, Thou art the sinner's friend,
As such I look to Thee,
Now in the bowels of Thy love,
Oh Lord, remember me.

Remember the pure word of grace,
Remember Calvary,
Remember all Thy dying groans,
And then remember me.

Thou wondrous advocate with God,
I yield myself to Thee,
While Thou art sitting on Thy throne,
Oh Lord, remember me.

And when I close my eyes in death,
And creature helps all flee,
Then, Oh my great Redeemer, God,
I pray remember me.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack Campin
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 01:34 PM

Around the time Princess Diana was in the news for undergoing colonic irrigation, somebody on uk.music.folk came up with a parody of Paul Anka's "Diana" that ended

Oh, please, spray for me,
Diana.

Can anyone find it?


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 02:14 PM

Jack-the-Sailor, I'm wondering about the seven old ladies. Surely there were only three? Where do the extra four come into it? Bit crowded in there!


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 02:26 PM

Eliza, it did start out as three dear old ladies, but seven seems to have been the accepted number for some years now. However, as so many people sing different verses if you were to add them all up there are probably forty or more.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 02:31 PM

Thank you Bert. It seems old ladies are hanging round toilets quite a bit these days. I must be missing out!


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 02:32 PM

Here's one of dozens of versions of this:

Crab Song (Collected by MacEdward Leach)

Good morning, Mr. Devil, morning, sir, he said,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
You've got a crab which you'll sell unto me,
To me all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.

I got a crab fish one, two, three,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
And the fattest of the three I will sell unto thee,
To thee all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.

Jack took the fattest by the backbone,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
Like a damn fool came swigging on the rum,
To me all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.

And when he got home for the want of a dish,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
Put him in the pot where the woman had to piss,
To me all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.

The woman got up and she did want,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
Crab fish caught on by the you-know-what,
To me all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.

Old man, old man, now do you come hither,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
Devil's in the pisspot tearing up your lover,
To me all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.

The man came peeping, as I suppose,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
Crab with his other claw caught him by the nose,
To me all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.

Run, boys, run get the looking glass,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
See your daddy's nose stuck up mommy's ass,
To me all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.

One got the poker, other got the stick,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
More they beat the crab fish, tighter held his grip,
To me all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 03:16 PM

A sort of well known one:

"Little Brown Shack Out Back"

a.k.a. "Ode to the Little Brown Shack Out Back" and a few other variants.

My music index says it's in Sing Your Heart Out, Country Boy, Dorothy Horstman, Country Music Foundation, ISBN 0-915608-19-7, but I have no idea which pile that book's in.

John


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 04:42 PM

This guy puts the number at seven.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: olddude
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 08:40 PM

How many turds must a man flush down
before you call him a man .....


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: olddude
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 08:42 PM

the answer my friend is blowing in the wind


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 08:50 PM

They say there's a poop ship just leaving Bombay...


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 11:08 PM

"Ode to the Little Brown Shack Out Back"

Yep..I sing that. Written by Billy Ed Wheeler.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: ClaireBear
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 12:43 AM

How about that song from my youth whose chorus I always hear as "There's a bathroom on the right!"?


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 03:51 AM

There's the classic song of universal constipation, as sung by THE KING: ...

"We're taut in a crap" Uh-uh!

Or numerous possibilities in this Song Challenge

Cheers (or should that be 'bottoms up'?)
Nigel


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Mo the caller
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 03:55 AM

It's definately 3 old ladies, the other 37 are in the queue.

How about the one that infantclasses sing before playtime?
Hey, hey, skip to my loo.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 05:53 AM

I'll fathom the bowl.

Also John Kirkpatrick's "Belinda Brown" relates the events that happen when a mobile phone is dropped in the toilet.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 06:14 AM

For those with long memories, migh I suggest:

"Black Bottom" (Temperance Seven)


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 06:35 AM

should be above the line


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 06:38 AM

As it will soon be Robert Burns Night, how about his song, "See the smoking bowl before us..."


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 06:49 AM

How about the old adage "one good turd deserves another"? Is that in any known song?


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 10:16 AM

"Round and around and around we go again,
Makin' with the flooding to and fro again...."

How about "It's a long way to Tipperary"?

"Come landlord, we've filled the flowing bowl
Until it did run over..."

"Somewhere between your moon and New York City"

"I did it MY way"


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 11:08 AM

Or, anither constipation song by F R David ...

"Turds don't come easy"


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Celtaddict
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 11:51 AM

I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 11:58 AM

Lehrer's "I Got It From Agnes" might make a fair potty parody with a few adjustments?

John


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Genie
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 05:01 PM

Black Water?

Urge For Goin'


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Loo Read
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 06:45 PM

Diarrhoea, I just got a dose of diarrhoea
And suddenly that name, will never be the same to me.
Diarrhoea, say it loud and your friends go rushing,
Say it soft, you can hear cisterns flushing
Diarrhoea, will I ever stop going, diarrhoea
All the horrible sounds of the arse in a single pharrrrrrrrrrrppp
Diarrhoea, diarrhoea, diarrhoea.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 07:13 PM

does anyone remember that song John Foreman song _ I think it may have been a Sidney Carter song - about the sewers


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 09:33 PM

"This Way To Heaven" by Big As Zeppelins

"Constipation...hurts my heart
Constipation...keeps us apart
Why torture me...?"

"There's No Business Like Bowel Business"

"Blowin' Out Some Wind"

"There's NO paper like NO paper..."


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Janie
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 09:57 PM

Oh lordy me, didn't I sh*t sugaree
Everything I got is done and flushed.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 14 - 12:08 AM

Toot-toot-tootsie, goodbye!

There was a fine line at the end of one version of the Tattooed Lady, that asserted "Whenever she sits down, she sits on me!"
"You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk real slow, and know when to run..."


Songs a toilet would sing? That's a real conundrum, innit.

"Oh the world goes round in circles like a crazy ferris wheel,
ANd its good to know there's a place to go when the pressures get too real.
Where you leave what's left of oatmeal or a chocolate ice cream cone,
When you're old enough to do it on your own."


APologies to Al Grierson...


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 23 Jan 14 - 03:09 AM

A little bit of thread drift.

Assholes are cheap today
cheaper than yesterday
little boys are half a crown
standing up or lying down
bigger boys are three and six
'cos they're for bigger pricks
assholes are cheap, are very cheap today


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 23 Jan 14 - 03:47 AM

The Sydney Carter song mentioned above is "Down Below" and can be found in the thread Sewer Songs which has nothing to do with needlecraft, but does include some other worthy songs.

Cheers


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 23 Jan 14 - 04:45 AM

Mississippi Sheiks: Sitting on top of the Turd
Sweet Violets ("They say that your father's a muckman...")
Flush the Magic Toilet
Big John
Sixteen Turds
Wee Willie Winkie
Wee Wee Wee Deleelah
The biggest floating crap turd in new York

RtS


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 23 Jan 14 - 04:46 AM

...and a religious toilet might sing:
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the turd


RtS


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 23 Jan 14 - 05:52 AM

can't leave it languishing on that old thread -
Ladies and Gentlemen - the genius of Sydney Carter - gentleman, Quaker and Bitish eccentric - a tricky mix!

DOWN BELOW
© Sydney Carter, 1958

When you're working in the dark,
Down below,
Underneath St James's Park,
Down below.
When you're working in the dark.
Oh, it isn't half a lark,
When you're working in the dark,
Down below.

It isn't hard to tell,
Down below.
If it's Bow or Clerkenwell,
Down below,
For Bow and Clerkenwell
Have a diff'rent kind of smell
And we know it very well,
Down below.

Over Covent Garden way,
Down below.
In the merry month of May,
Down below.
The fragrance of the flow'rs
Gives us many happy hours
And we sing a roundelay
Down below.

The objects that we find
Down below
Help to entertain the mind
Down below.
There are watches we can't wind
Wrapped up in bacon rind
And that isn't all you find
Down below.

When you're under Floral Street,
Down below,
With the water 'round your feet,
Down below.
'Mid the cabbages and beet
You may find a marguerite,
And the thought is very sweet,
Down below.

Hatton Garden is a spot
Down below.
Where we like to go a lot,
Down below.
Since a bloke in Leather Lane
Dropp'd a diamond down the drain
We've been waiting, but in vain,
Down below.

When to Billingsgate we come,
Down below.
When to Billingsgate we come,
Down below.
When to Billingsgate we come
Then things begin to hum
And we wish we'd never come
Down below.

There is something in a sewer
Down below.
That has a strange allure
Down below.
The magic of the drains
Is a thing you can't explain
But it's calling us again
Down below.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Roger the cookieless skiffler
Date: 23 Jan 14 - 06:27 AM

Crap lands, here comes turdy

RtS
(I'll get me plunger)


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 23 Jan 14 - 09:20 AM

Harry Limescale theme from the Turd Man


RtS


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 24 Jan 14 - 05:44 AM

I see the moon


RtS
What have you started, Spaw!


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 14 - 10:03 AM

This toilet fails to flush ever Monday morning,
So we buy a plunger in the afternoon (apologies to PP&M)

All God's chillun got a place in the choir
Some go low and some go higher
Some take a crap on the telephone wire
And some sit and clap their hams, oh!

In Mountjoy Jail, one Monday morning,
Kevin Berry had to pee

Storm along, drive along, punch it out your ribs
This porcelain thrones a-waitin'
It'll take all you can give....


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Barbara Shaw
Date: 25 Jan 14 - 09:46 AM

Puff the Magic Dragon
Please Release Me
Little Black Train a'Comin


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 26 Jan 14 - 03:42 AM

A penny a kiss.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 26 Jan 14 - 09:45 AM

Used to be a parody of a song called 'September in the Rain" in Liverpool in the sixties - can only remember

"The bits of brown came tumbling down
I remember, I remember,
Before I pulled the chain."
Jim Carrll


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: JennieG
Date: 26 Jan 14 - 04:28 PM

"There goes my only possession........
There goes my everything!"


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 27 Jan 14 - 12:58 AM

Manura Manyah
      

copyright 1964 Matt McGinn

CHO: Wi' manyura manyah, wi' manyura manyah!
    Wi' manyura, manyura, manyura manyah!

Noo I've heard men complain of the jobs they are dain,
When they're hawking the coal, or diggin' the drain.
But whatever they are, there is none that compare
Wi manyura, manyura, manyura manyah!

The streets of the toon were all kivvered aroon
Wi' stuff that was pure and gowden and broon,
It was put there, of course, by a big Clydesdale horse!
And they called it manyura, manyura manyah!

I followed its track wi a shovel and sack,
And as often as no wi a pain in me back.
It was all for the rent, and the wonderful scent
Of manyura, manyura, manyura manyah!

But I'm feelin gae sore for my job's taken o'er
And everything noo is mechanical power
And there's naught left for me but the sweet memory
Of manyura, manyura, manyura manyah!


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 27 Jan 14 - 01:21 AM

Didn't The Yetties sing a song abot "Muck Spreading Time"?


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 27 Jan 14 - 01:54 AM

Here 'tiz.

Muckspreading Time
(as sung by The Yetties)

There be some like the smell of the violets in spring,
Or the sweet new mown hay when the lark's on the wing,
But the sweetest to I, be the smells that do climb,
Up in to the breeze ev'ry muckspreading time.

Chorus:
Muck spreading time, Muck spreading time,
Ev'ry thing's fragrant at muck spreading time.

For 'twere muck spreadin time when I first met with Sue,
And showed her the barn and a hay rick or two,
She were hotter than harvest and quicker than lime,
Cos passions in season at muck spreadin time.

Our courtin went on like a hay rick afire,
Till we came to the day that her parents desired,
The wedding was lovely, I felt in me prime,
And suzy looked full of beans last muck spreadin time.

He choir was all there and our chosen hymns sung,
The ringers turned out and the bells they went dung,
Even the vicar forgot for to mime,
When i wedded sweet Sue last much spreadin time.

Now Suzy's as busy as busy can be,
With two little muck spreaders, one for each knee,
& if we works through the season and things turn out fine,
We'll make it a foursome by muck spreadin time

I found the lyrics here
a great collection


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Triplane
Date: 27 Jan 14 - 02:23 AM

"Just a pong in't toilet when the lights are low" from Loves Old Sweet Song

or the final solution by
SS Shiel;dhall


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Jan 14 - 01:25 PM

I'm going to print this one now for the plumber this week.

I want to thank all of you for your "contributions" here. Y'all have been squeezing them out and though a few run on they are all appropriately stench ridden!

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Peter the Squeezer
Date: 27 Jan 14 - 03:14 PM

The only one that comes to my mind is from Paul McCartney - "We all stand together", otherwise known as ...



THE BOG SONG


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 27 Jan 14 - 03:49 PM

Poo Poo Pee Do!


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 27 Jan 14 - 05:05 PM

In Mobile

The eagles they fly high in Mobile
The eagles they fly high in Mobile
The eagles they fly high
and they shit right in your eye
it's a good job cows don't fly
in Mobile

in Mobile, in Mobile,in Mo, in Mo, in Mo, in Mobile
The eagles they fly high
and they shit right in your eye
it's a good job cows don't fly
in Mobile

The seagulls have a lighthouse in Mobile
The seagulls have a lighthouse in Mobile
The seagulls have a lighthouse
and they use it as a shitehouse
now it looks just like The Whitehouse

There's no paper in the bogs in Mobile
There's no paper in the bogs in Mobile
There's no paper in the bogs
so they sit there 'till it clogs
and they saw it into logs

There's a shortage of good whores in Mobile
There's a shortage of good whores in Mobile
There's a shortage of good whores
but there's keyholes in the doors
and there's knotholes in the floors


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: gnu
Date: 12 Feb 14 - 07:11 AM

Refreshed for a buddy on Facebook... so that everyone who looks for it doesn't have to search for it.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: gnu
Date: 12 Feb 14 - 07:16 AM

Just arrived from a desperate plea for help on Facebook so I haven't read any posts yet.

Riding My Porcelin Pony


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Barbara Shaw
Date: 12 Feb 14 - 10:38 AM

Roll on Muddy River


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