BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 24 Apr 14 - 03:44 AM

Hey! Good news Steve, you are now officially have minority status. This means we can abuse you, maginalise you and take away your human rights to our hearts content. The Daily Mail will start a campaign to stop illegal Cornish immigrants taking our jobs and I will have to update my sign to say "No dogs. No Romanians. No Cornishmen." You had best watch out on your trips up here to Gods own country. Make sure your visa is up to date and watch out for them blokes in white hoods :-)

Bollocks!

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 24 Apr 14 - 03:27 AM

Bingo? Bingo? What is this bingo? Housey-housey, please! Seven-and-six... Was she worth it? If her man has a soggy ball-box, does it matter?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 24 Apr 14 - 01:11 AM

Belt up Joe! You lot might have the intelligence to keep some traditions such as beer and Shakespeare but you were never cultured enough to really accept bingo in the first place!

Bloody colonies.

Oy Shaw! Outside now!

Betty was a sweet innocent wench until you got her tossing balls. I only hired her as an altar maiden but no, you have to initiate her into bingo didn't you? And another thing. Since you gave her the old patter, she has put a poster of that scouse git Gerrard on her bedroom wall.

Allegedly.

Err. So I have been told.

Can I start this post again?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 09:33 PM

Found the old thread, entitled "an insult thread" - started 21st June last year, died on 2nd July. This one's gotta be PERMANENT, remember ya daft nincompoops.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 09:24 PM

But whatever happened to that other abuse thread of a few months ago, which was a 1000 times funnier than this one? Surely it should have been permanent then. I bust my sides laughing at it. Dear abused Joe, please find it again and roll it all into one great tirade of super-abusiveness. Gnu was particularly abusive and hilarious.
I now have a sense of déjà vu: it's those effing frogs again, and don't you DARE say déjà VOO, it's vu as in VIEW ya numpties, or it means something totally different from what those effing froggies meant it to mean. Why don't you get some froggy education? Did I say I've just come back from France? Non? Mais merde!
And glad to see at least one other bad girl getting into a bad boy thread here. Wey-hey Eliza!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Joe Offer
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 07:35 PM

Now, this is the sort of discussion I like to see. Keep it up, ya motherfuckers.
love,
-Joe-

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:54 PM

Yebbut what about the escaped-bingo-balls-in-the-car-park fiasco, courtesy of Dave's soggy-bottomed cardboard ball-box, which meant that we had no Two Fat Ladies ball and a consequent near bloody lynching of us bingo organisers? Yeah, right, all bloody coming out now, innit! Yeah!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Musket
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:37 PM

Betty is still waiting for Steve to pay her for making the dripping butties with cucumber in vinegar.

I can put a good word in for you with Back Entry Bertha if you want? Strap a plank across your arse, you'll be ok.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:30 PM

BTW - One of our mutual friends is not following the rules. On the 'boring' thread there is a very sinister line of abuse which reads .....your friends "wife" will be found and an apology will be forthcoming......be certain of that. Now, to my simple little mind, that is a threat, which is the worst form of abuse I have seen on here. Ever. I have not responded on there because on here I can refer to him as the knobhead who even puts wife in quotes. Which is, of course, perfectly permissible on this thread :-)

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:15 PM

Nah - I always preferred Lilo Lil. But don't tell Betty...

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 04:48 PM

Do you not realise that Mudcat IS sex to some.

Jesus Christ, Dave, is this an attempt to revive Betty Swollox...?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 04:32 PM

Could membership in the undercover encounters be reconsidered, if I apply for an extension?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 02:44 PM

We've all been at it for ages, but sorry Ed, you're not nearly sufficiently well-endowed to take part.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 02:43 PM

Oh, Ed, you poor little innocent. Do you not realise that Mudcat IS sex to some.

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 02:23 PM

"Do you feel we are perhaps being too nice to each other?"

Maybe, but we arent having mudcat sex yet....well, as far as I know. If it is occuring, I haven't been alerted or invited.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 01:19 PM

Is he a Special Offer?

Noddy got up feeling very happy. He danced along to Big Ears' toadstool house. On the way, he trilled, "Hello dear little birds! Good morning pretty little flowers! Hello dear Big Ears' garden gate! Nice to see you, Big Ears' darling doorknocker..." The door slowly opened and Big Ears' face appeared.
"F*** off, Noddy!"

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Nick
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 12:41 PM

Do you feel we are perhaps being too nice to each other?

Given the people conversing and your truly TERRIBLE reputations that I had heard about the wheels should have fallen off a whole fleet of buses by now and we should be in turmoil.

I'll think on the way home as to how I can stir things up a bit.


Gnu - You're a gnu, how do you do? by the way. I now have a vision of you and Joe Offer hand in hand which is even more curious than the previous one.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 12:19 PM

Damn - 101 then
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 11:43 AM

Wow! 100 posts already... faster than a speeding gun thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 11:28 AM

"Re swearing"
A sweet little five-year-old girl living next to a building site would go off each morning and watch the men working, through the fence.
One day, one of them spotted her, brought her on to the site and they clubbed together, bought her a little pink boiler suit, a safety helmet and a tiny spade and bucket gave her a heap of sand to dig in.
At the end of the week, they presented her with a little envelope with £1 in it for her wages.
When she took it home her mother said, "That's very nice dear, will you be working there next week?"
She replied, "It all depends whether those gobshites at the builders Merchants make their delivery on time".
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 10:53 AM

 ...the little green wheels are following...

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 10:47 AM

98

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 10:45 AM

I spray- tinted my hallween pumpkins green.

Oliver Cromwell, old ironsides, was neither a considerate, nor tolerant fellow.
He has no place in trying to post (from beyond) on this thread, to protest against the green movement - which he seems to mis-understand.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,#
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 10:28 AM

"Fuck the Baptists."

Don't do so standing up. Someone might think you're dancing.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 10:18 AM

In a rather busy restaurant on holiday many years ago, my then six or seven year old youngest wouldn't eat something on his plate. I did the Dad thing and quietly but angrily through gritted teeth told him to stop showing us up and asked him why we won't eat it.

"It tastes like runny poo!" Came the loud answer followed by tears.

I started to imagine what could have happened next

Dear social services,

My son speaks from fantasy. At no point has he ever been in a position to our knowledge to have any idea as to the taste, texture or vitamin content of runny poo.

Yours,

Musket. Circa 1990.....

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 09:57 AM

Ed... "I take it you are not an orangeman, gnu?"

Correct, and, I bear no ill will to any even though I painted over the orange (bottom half) siding of my house a couple of weeks after I moved in. Guess what colour. Oddly enough, the Baptists next door made rude comments. The lady (?) of the house said that it was dreadful and that they would help me paint if I got some white paint.

Fuck the Baptists.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 09:24 AM

Re swearing, (I've already posted this story on another thread, but it seems relevant here too!) My sister was on a small village bus in Perthshire, heading for Dundee. A very posh chap got on with a small girl. He told the wee lass to sit down, but she "No, stupid, I want to sit over there!" He admonished her with. "Don't say 'stupid' dear, it's very rude!" She replied loudly, "No Daddy, stupid's not very rude. FUCK is rude!" Passengers giggling all the way to Dundee!

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 09:12 AM

Drift ~~ not really abusive; but I always associate that quote with Damon Runyon's, "She decares she will not associate with any man who makes his living from the demon rum ... Miss Clarabelle Cobb comes of very religious people back in Akron, Ohio, and she is taught from childhood that rum is a very terrible thing, and personally I think it is myself, except in cocktails"...

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 09:08 AM

?..the great Ring Larder Beetle?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 08:50 AM

I like that :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 08:45 AM

Remembered -- it was the great Ring Lardner.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 08:43 AM

Re the Billy Connolly quote above; I am trying to remember the source of one of my favourite quotations --

==="Shut up," he explained.===

~M~

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 07:19 AM

I take it you are not an orangeman, gnu?

:)

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: johncharles
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 07:14 AM

I use elixir nanoweb guitar strings light .012-.053.
john

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 06:43 AM

Yeah, fuck him and all Turks for that matter.

He'd never get a visa to live in England that St George bloke. My Granddad says they sell you dirty postcards in the bazaars too.

Hanging's too good for them.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 06:40 AM

Fuck St. George!

He'd enjoy that. He was some sort of middle eastern poofter wasn't he?

Bollocks.

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 06:31 AM

Oh my. Oh dear. That WAS a paltry attempt. Must be the lasagna and tea. Allow me to atone. AHEM!

Fuck St. George!

There. That should suffice on more than one level.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 06:29 AM

left over lasagna for breakfast. ??? In the fridge ????

Yes I do have a problem with that! Bloody foreigners. What's wrong with good old English kebabs left congealing on the coffee table overnight or day old pizza found under the cushion of the settee?

Bollocks

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: gnu
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 06:24 AM

What do I have to say about that, Joe?

I don't think there is anything wrong with having left over lasagna for breakfast. I wish there was more because, even straight from the fridge, this is deeeelicious!

Anybody got a problem with that?

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 06:17 AM

I don't recall Kryton developing an oil leak as a result either.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Nick
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 06:07 AM

I'm thinking that this could be working

I'm thinking of changing my Mudcat name to:

THE RAPIST

And spread more therapy amongst the fallen and the struggling.

Perhaps a TV career (that's television not the getting cross about dressing thing) beckons - "The rapist'll fix it"

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Nick
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:51 AM

>>Some words I do find offensive (one in particular), not because it is "swearing" but because it is offensively sexist.

Tell it to my dyslexic friend Cnut who has been banned from more forums than I can remember. It's the problem of having parents with a passion for ancient history. Big beer drinker too. (Hence the question "Firkin, Cnut?")

A friend of my wife had a young daughter who was playing upstairs when she heard what she thought was her daughter swearing inappropriately out of frustration.
"What did you say?" she shouted upstairs
"Don't worry mummy," her daughter called back innocently "I didn't say 'fuck' "

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:45 AM

Eliza. Mr Connolly also said how the word is very descriptive and leaves you with no sense of ambiguity.

He said, "You never read the line "Fuck off!" He hinted."


Dave. It was a Red Dwarf, not a Red Gnome. Funnily enough, I wasn't thinking of that at the time. It is obviously somewhere in the ancient memory bank, but so is reading Minnie the Minx in The Beano.

Her parents were remembering her first words, sat in her high chair. She said MMMMM. "Oh! look! She is going to say Mummy!"   DDDDDDD. "No" he said, "it is going to be Daddy.

MMMM. MORE DUMPLINGS!!!!!!!!

I'm sure that was the intention of my id.....








Bollocks yourself.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:34 AM

'Swearing' can be very funny. It's only unacceptable when there's an underlying deliberate intention to insult in a cruel or racist way. I can never understand people who don't like Billy Connelly merely because he uses the 'f' word (and others) a lot. IMO he's extremely funny, and anyone who's lived in Glasgow (as I have for many years) knows that no harm is meant at all by expletives.art of everyday life.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:28 AM

Was that your imitation or Red Dwarf's Kryten trying to say "Smeg Head", Musket? If so, in the spirit of this thread, it was crap.

Bollocks

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:25 AM

That's the word Muskie
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:24 AM

"harmless swearing."
I think harmful swearing is a very rare animal - expletives are usually for emphasis rather than offence - even the one I take offence to, which doesn't make it any the less sexist.
My favourite story was told by a local clergyman at a dinner with friends here
A trainee in a seminary was walking the grounds and as he climbed a stile he fell face down on the muddy ground.
He leapt up, brushing himself of as said, "Oh feck!", then paused and thought and said, "Shit, I said feck", then, "Feck, I said shit".
Then, walking off, he said, "Ah, bollocks, I didn't want to be a priest anyway".
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Musket
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 04:20 AM

I spent my apprenticeship and early working years as a miner. What I found normal then but in retrospect interesting, is that someone who was "fucking this, fucking that, fucking fuck, Ah, that's a good cup of fucking tea..." never used the F word once they left work and returned home. It seemed to be a work language, and we all tended to use it.

Reminds me of a comic on the telly recently speaking of a football match he was at where a fan stood up and shouted "Fucking Boo!"

Eliza, you are right. However, it isn't polite not to reply to something someone says to me. Hence my reply to Joe.

Now I've said it though.....



Fuck ''im.

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 04:08 AM

Agreed, Jim. I Mrs Doyle's line in "Father Ted" when refering to a lady writer she did not like.

"It's all feckin' this and feckin' that and she even uses the F word!"

When we were looking for a place to eat in Listowel I was approached by a staggering Irishman who's greeting was "Your a fuckin' Englishman aren't you?" and then proceeded to tell us how much he liked the English and offered to buy us all a drink. We declined as we only wanted a cafe but he delayed my son, around 14 at the time, and gave him a 10 punt note saying "I know your dad would not take it so you buy them all a drink". True story of harmless swearing.

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 23 Apr 14 - 03:57 AM

Swearing during these disputes has become a bit of a red-herring really.
Being a great fan of Rochester's poetry and Burns's 'Merry Muses', I've never had a great problem with it and a lifetime of working on the docks and on building sites has shown me that it is largely, as Eliza describes it, "banter".
Some words I do find offensive (one in particular), not because it is "swearing" but because it is offensively sexist.
The problem I do have with is in it's overuse, which makes it ineffectual in making a point.
I believe some of the protagonists in recent arguments who are now protesting about "swearing", are using it as a defence of their own views, ad really 'protesteth too much'
Here in Ireland, a fairly common phrase used in banter is "feckin' hoor' often used in admiration - crooked politician, Charles Haughey was often referred to as "a cute feckin' hoor" by those who admired his ability as a crook.
An extremely religious elderly publican here in Clare often referred to us customers as a "bunch of feckers".
One night, she protested at a somewhat inebriated drinker' language, and when we pointed out that she called us "feckers" - she look ed puzzled and said, "I thought it meant feckless".
Jim Carroll