BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)

Subject: BS: good thoughts needed
From: Claire M
Date: 02 May 14 - 02:13 PM

Hiya!

(Joe could you delete the other thread please, no idea how to do it) ??
There was a Panorama fillm on bbc1 re elderly care.

I made the mistake of watching said film. My own flatshare is v good. I said that what happened there (slapping/being nasty to patients, leaving them in their own wossname) wouldn't happen here. My flatmate's response was "how do you know?" He also told me a few weeks after I moved into said flat that if/when I wasn't patient I'd be ignored by staff – which I've never forgotten.
The place is understaffed (like most if not all) so if I can't be sorted for a couple of mins I'll put some music on / visit the Disc. On the odd occasion when I've been got to too late I've been sorted straightaway.

I am an anxiety sufferer. I cried myself to sleep the other night re my flatmate's comments. Of course, like anywhere there's always some carers I don't particularly like, but I've no reason to think they'd ever think of doing what went on in that film, let alone do it ! I live w/ some horrible, miserable bastards, & it's left to the staff to cheer me up !! I've had bad experiences in places before & feel back to sq1 w/ anxiety. Have you got any ideas for how I can keep myself positive ??

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts for Claire M
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 02 May 14 - 03:00 PM

This is the context (for those who wonder).

Yes, awful things happen. News media inevitably represent them in a higher percentage than reality. The good thing is that if anything bad happens to us, we have a chance that informing the media, including Internet forums, may lead to an improvement.

My good thoughts are with you.

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)
From: fat B****rd
Date: 02 May 14 - 03:31 PM

As Grishka said my very best thoughts and regards.Take the best care you can, Claire.
Thinking of you
Charlie.

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 02 May 14 - 04:03 PM

Claire, I'm very sorry that you feel so apprehensive about your care facilities. But so far, it seems that nothing too bad has happened and things are on a fairly even keel. It's easy to dread the future, especially when we're shown awful documentaries on TV about care abuse, but don't take your flatmate's comments too seriously. I know you like your music and books, and I suggest you try to have many happy moments with those. If (and it probably won't happen!) things go wrong with standards of care, there are many agencies to approach for help and intervention. I send you my best thoughts, prayers and wishes. Eliza x

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)
From: selby
Date: 02 May 14 - 05:54 PM

First thing do not be afraid the majority of people are nice and fair. I echo whay Eliza says, I am a great believer in that we set the scene of how people see and treat us. The downside to this is if the wrong people (bullies) see a vunerable person they "feed" on them. I see you being strong sensible and caring, if you treat your helpers in that manner i do no not see a problem. The people who do the bad things in care homes are bullies nothing more and nothing less, do not be afraid to stand up to anyone who abuses you and if they do report them immediately with details names etc send e mails to your self the papers post there names on here etc as without evidence nothing can be done. That is putting in place a contingency plan.I do not believe you need it, stay strong and remember they are there to help you, they are paid to do so, but you have to interact with then for them to help you.
Keith

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 02 May 14 - 09:06 PM

I'm sorry you are feeling anxious.

For your facility to turn into a truly bad one, it would have to lose all these things:

top management
doctors
nursing staff
government agency that regulates it
board of directors, if any.

Plus, your family would have to die out or turn its back on you.

That seems very far from likely, doesn't it?

As for that flatmate, I don't think she's very nice or very intelligent. Let me tell you a parable.

Suppose that one day England was having an unusually hot August day. You look outside, and people are wiping perspiration off their faces and shedding whatever clothing you can.

You decide to go outside, and your flatmate says "Take a coat. It might snow."

You say, "That's not going to happen."

She says, "How do you know?"

Now the reasons you know it won't snow are complex, and they have been building up as part of your worldview since you were a little child. You can't summon up all the reasons and pop out an answer to your foolish flatmate, and she winds up looking smarter than she is.

Same with your facility. It's not going to turn into a nightmare overnight. But even if it starts going into a gradual decline, you aren't helpless like the people in the expose. You can speak, type, and use the Internet. And you have your family behind you.

I think you should get some good books and lose yourself in them for awhile until the horror of that program dies away.

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 02 May 14 - 09:12 PM

Claire, I hope that making known the awful situation at that one care home will result in other care homes, including yours, doing their best to be better than they already are.

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)
From: gnu
Date: 02 May 14 - 09:49 PM

I can't add to the posts above except to say I hope the best. Saddens me but that's all I got.

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 02 May 14 - 11:04 PM

Volunteer.

Stop being passive.

Wheelchair, with a friend, to the corner. Expand the distance daily. Develop "inter-dependence" and utilize each others ABILITIES to help each other.



Sincerely,
Gargoyle

the kitchen is a fine place to start volunteering... empty pressurized whipped cream containers have a lovely NO gas that will have you, and your new found crew of friends, giggling, and laughing, and grinning. There is always room for Jello.

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 14 - 11:06 PM

Claire, here are some tips:

    Take a time-out. Practice yoga, listen to music, meditate, get a massage, or learn relaxation techniques. Stepping back from the problem helps clear your head. Talking a quiet walk (if you can) will sometimes help.

    Eat well-balanced meals. Do not skip any meals. Do keep healthful, energy-boosting snacks on hand.

    Limit alcohol and caffeine, which can aggravate anxiety and trigger panic attacks.

    Get enough sleep. When stressed, your body needs additional sleep and rest.

    Exercise daily to help you feel good and maintain your health.

    Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly. Inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Try this as you go to sleep, and relax your muscles from the toes up at the same time. Let the anxiety and stress flow out of you and into the mattress and slop onto the floor.

    Count to 10 slowly. Repeat, and count to 20 if necessary.

    Do your best. Instead of aiming for perfection, which isn't possible, be proud of however close you get.

    Accept that you cannot control everything. Put your stress in perspective: Is it really as bad as you think?

    Welcome humor. A good laugh goes a long way.

    Maintain a positive attitude. Make an effort to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Tune the negative stuff out of your life and don't watch negative TV shows or discuss negative matters. If people persist, just tell them you don't want to talk about it.

    Find a way to be active in your community, which creates a support network and gives you a break from everyday stress.

    Learn what triggers your anxiety. Is it something you can identify? Write in a journal when you're feeling stressed or anxious, and look for a pattern.

    Talk to someone. Tell friends and family you're feeling overwhelmed, and let them know how they can help you. Talk to a physician or therapist for professional help.

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 03 May 14 - 01:43 AM

good positive thoughts & best wishes winging your way, Claire

lots of suggestions from Catters above - sift through them & find the ones you need

sandra

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)
From: GUEST
Date: 03 May 14 - 05:23 PM

Love you Claire. It won't be many years before I need care... I hope I can recognise the edge before that point, and take up skydiving.

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)
From: GUEST
Date: 03 May 14 - 07:29 PM

For myself, I understand why you might not want catters stepping in, I most certainly wouldn't after the Countess Richard episode last spring. But on the other hand, that is almost certainly unfair to many of the community, and one of them saved her life the first time she had a crisis. But because her friends kept too great a distance, they weren't there for her at the end.
There's a difference between village life in Wales, where neighbours think nothing of sticking their heads in the back door for a chat, and London, where that's most unlikely. You need someone other than your flatmate to chat to, though, and so perhaps it might be useful to ask around for someone to stop past once in a while. The local church is usually quite ready to help, used to be this kind of thing was thought of as what the vicar does, but these days it can be anyone. You might make all the difference to someone else a bit isolated too. Or any other group.

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 04 May 14 - 07:32 AM

Claire I am sorry that your flatmate says things which make you feel anxious. I agree with what Gargoyle said.

Sow seeds for the kind of garden you want to live in. Note and remark upon the kindness and talents of carers and residents. Sit and talk, sing or play a game with distressed resident(s) when staff is overstretched. Both residents and carers will appreciate and reciprocate when and if possible.

I hope your flatmate's weeds will soon become flowers and fruit in that environment.

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)
From: Megan L
Date: 04 May 14 - 07:48 AM

I am very sorry for your flatmate. sometimes people can find the world and the people in it very frightening perhaps she was being brave enough to voice those fears in the apparently vain hope of getting some reassurance.

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)
From: Claire M
Date: 12 May 14 - 02:18 PM

Hiya!! It's a he. He's a very bitter man, like a lot of my flatmates I can see why cos they used to be OK, now they're not. Some of them are so nasty to staff/other residents you'd never believe it, simply due to staff chatting to someone else rather than them, / someone else having visitors while they don't. I've even had comments re how I'll cope when my parents (who are in their late 60s) pass away. Disgusting.

We have monthly meetings, which I'd like abolished cos I don't want to spend any more time w/ people like that than I have to. My key worker says there should be a film showing the other side, w/ bluesy soundtrack.

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 12 May 14 - 07:30 PM

Claire, obviously you have overcome your acute anxiety, which is good news. You are aware that many remarks have their reasons simply in the moods people are in, and thus must not be taken at face value.

Congratulations for not being bitter yourself. We can demonstrate this to ourselves and others by being as tolerant and reasonable as possible.

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 13 May 14 - 08:56 AM

Claire, you said, "We have monthly meetings, which I'd like abolished cos I don't want to spend any more time w/ people like that than I have to."

Well, you're a free citizen of a free nation. Don't go.

Better yet, say you'll stay for 15 minutes, and anything important better be raised in that time.

By the way, I'm surprised you have a male flatmate. I don't think it's a good idea.

Subject: RE: BS: good thoughts needed (Claire M)
From: Claire M
Date: 13 May 14 - 01:00 PM

Hiya! I wish I was, Leeneia. I feel like I want to be somewhere different on almost a daily basis. I explained this to my parents, who said it's not a good idea to say things like that in front of staff, cos I'll end up somewhere I really don't likema. I've got an angel journal that I write in & stick things in, pix, quotes etc. I love it. I get on w/ most people, but I don't think this type of facility is a good way to find a deep abiding f'ship. I can always do this, too.
http://ectoplasmcoil.tumblr.com/image/2306590924.
I say flat-share cos it sounds better than "small care home"!