BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Norval
Date: 02 Oct 14 - 11:24 AM

A farting horse will never tire.
A farting man is the man to hire.


An apology to the ladies who read here, as the second line
is gender specific and the author appears not to be an
Equal Opportunity Employer.

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 17 Sep 14 - 05:54 PM

"I'm a doctor. I'm a doctor and I want my sausages."


"Do you like Cavalleria Rusticana, Terry?

Never 'ad it, Mr Fawlty..."


"I know nothing. I come from Barcelona..."

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 17 Sep 14 - 05:01 PM

Fool me once -- Shame on you!


Fool me twice - Shame on me!



≈M≈

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Sep 14 - 02:15 PM

there is a quote which has morphed and been attributed to various: I heard it as (paraphrased):

"Universities are full of knowledge. The freshmen arrive knowing it all, and the seniors take so little away that knowledge just accumulates."

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 17 Sep 14 - 12:01 PM

The more you know, the more you know you don't know

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 17 Sep 14 - 11:38 AM

"The older you get, the better you realize you were."
-- Anonymous

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Mr Red
Date: 17 Sep 14 - 03:52 AM

science advances from mistake to mistake
the nearest I got was Buckminster Fuller

Most of my advances were by mistake.
You uncover what is when you get rid of what isn't.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
http://www.quotes-positive.com/quote/advances-were-mistake-you-uncover-113/

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: The Sandman
Date: 16 Sep 14 - 12:00 PM

when they circumsised you they threw away the wrong bit

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: mayomick
Date: 16 Sep 14 - 09:20 AM

Newly-elected Prime Minister ,Tony Blair , after being advised to brush-up on his Portugese ahead of a trip to Brazil.

"Why Portugese"?

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Bill D
Date: 15 Sep 14 - 12:35 PM

"Oh, it's six dozen of the other."

    said by Virgil Plute, electrician, when asked for an opinion. He had many of those compacted aphorisms....but one always knew what he meant.

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Michael
Date: 15 Sep 14 - 04:56 AM

When I started work in the '60's there was'Old Bill', in his late 70's. If anyone referred to some one as 'a bit odd' he would respond "If we were all going t'same road we'd never meet nobody".

Mike

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Bill D
Date: 14 Sep 14 - 10:35 PM

"A handsome man look good in anything he happen to throw on!"

.... Albert the Alligator, admiring in the mirror his cummerbund, orange galoshes and Samurai sword

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Ed T
Date: 14 Sep 14 - 07:58 PM

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot." 
― Groucho Marx

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Ed T
Date: 14 Sep 14 - 12:22 PM

""If it's in this store, it costs a dollar, son""
A dollar store employee, overheard responding to a clients request for a price check on a product.

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Michael
Date: 13 Sep 14 - 06:03 PM

"My sister lives in Netherton." Hey yo Chicken on a raft!

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 06:41 PM

My sister lives in Netherton.

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Bill D
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 10:10 AM

I found a lot of Connolly material on YouTube. He is quite the animated character. He looks funny before he opens his mouth.

I watched one interview which was hilarious... he was exchanging quips and telling stories and was a real delight.

Then I began watching a full stand-up routine on stage. He had presence, great delivery, clever commentary........... and every 4th word was "fuckin'". I suppose that some comedians feel that they have to do that, as audiences expect it when they are not constrained by TV rules. We have American comedians who do essentially the same thing. I seldom watch them. It's not even 'sexual humor', which can be very funny if done right.... it's just 'fuckin' for the sake of saying 'fuckin'.
(An American, Buddy Hackett, was similar.... he was funny all the time, but his stage/club shows were full of obscenities. And Andrew Dice Clay's shows were nothing BUT obscenities.)

So... I am convinced that, with effort, I could find some really great humor from Connolly's routines... if I cared to plow thru the parts that distract me from the point.

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Bert
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 02:16 AM

Monty Python is just a degenerate TV copy of The Goon Show.

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Sep 14 - 08:36 PM

Well, so I will check out anything I can find on Connolly. I really want to know how different humor concepts are exemplified. (I led a workshop at the FSGW Getaway on jokes & humor once, though we had no clear examples of UK to compare.)

Most of the accents in Summer Wine are fairly clear, I just lose the pattern in sentence structure and jargon sometimes. "Wesley Pegden" seems quite clear, but he 'projects'. Of course most of the 'stars' don't actually live in that area, and many episodes don't have 'locals' in speaking roles.

(2 miles from Holmfirth proper? There are entire websites on characters, plots and locations of "Summer Wine"... even a link to Google Maps with all the locations plotted. The filming seems to have been done over quite a large area for many scenes. All the way from High Bradfield to Grassington. (I use Google Earth to zoom in and drive some of the roads. Pretty country.)

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 11 Sep 14 - 08:02 PM

Utterly on a tangent or two, I should like to point out that my accent is virtually identical to those you would hear on Last Of The Summer Wine, that my sister lives two miles from where it was filmed and that I am frequently required, as my party piece, to play that bloody tune on the harmonica!

More darkly, anyone who doesn't get Billy Connolly doesn't, in my opinion, "get" humour at all.

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Sep 14 - 05:47 PM

I will add this: some British humor, like some Italian drama, just doesn't seem to bother with clear transition and reference. One is expected to know little cultural references and linguistic remarks and slang. (I have gotten into the habit of watching "Last of the Summer Wine" almost every afternoon, and I always used 'closed captions' to get past the accent and idiom...(though I am pretty sure when Bill Owen calls someone a "right pillock" or "right tulip" or right almost anything else, that most of the terms are interchangeable.)

Blackadder, for some reason, seems to make it clear why and when a non sequitur is used.

Maybe it's my philosophy showing, but I LIKE jokes, stories, skits and movies to 'hang together' with most references being clear.

I had a long discussion with a very nice Brit a few years ago, who remarked to me: "I don't LIKE to think in a straight line!" It explained a lot.

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Bill D
Date: 11 Sep 14 - 05:30 PM

Hmmm... Blackadder is wonderful...Monty Python was 'mostly' wonderful. (Some skits just didn't translate well.)

Fawlty Towers was just too...... frenetic?? for my taste.

Dad's Army I never heard of, and Billy Connolly we don't seem to get, though I 'think' I've seen bits on You Tube.. I may go educate myself on that.

Our NPR station gives us a selection of mostly older comedies like "Last of the Summer Wine", "Keeping Up Appearances", "Are You Being Served" and a couple more which I see only bits of.

I understand irony... I just don't care for it as a standard, steady diet. There is much humor that doesn't depend on it, and IF I don't know as a given that comedy/humor is intended, it is not always clear that irony is intended. Irony as a staple of conversation must be the rule in some places. Tossed into an international online forum, it is all to easy to mistake for just disagreeable cleverness.

YMMV

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 11 Sep 14 - 05:09 PM

You can do better than to abjectly chuck Benny Hill at us. I note you don't chuck Fawlty Towers or Blackadder or Dad's Army or Monty Python or Billy Connolly at us. And do try to fathom more precisely what irony is.

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 07:30 PM

I would not dream of such a thing.

I 'might' tease you to explicate just how the arcane art of humor became so highly developed in the UK as to produce Benny Hill.

Google tells me I can read this fellow and discern the difference.


".There's a received wisdom in the U.K. that Americans don't get irony. This is of course not true. But what is true is that they don't use it all the time. It shows up in the smarter comedies but Americans don't use it as much socially as Brits. We use it as liberally as prepositions in every day speech. We tease our friends. We use sarcasm as a shield and a weapon. We avoid sincerity until it's absolutely necessary. We mercilessly take the piss out of people we like or dislike basically. And ourselves. This is very important. Our brashness and swagger is laden with equal portions of self-deprecation. This is our license to hand it out."

I am particularly taken with the last 2 sentences. It reminds me of my ex wife 40 years ago explaining why she bought some odd item we really couldn't afford... "Well, if YOU bought it, I wouldn't argue! So I get to go whatever I want if I allow you the same privilege!"

[you had an extra space before the final backslash- fixed]

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 07:00 PM

And Bill, please don't force me to quote about a dozen examples from this thread to illustrate.

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 06:49 PM

Ha. American humour. The art of the unfunny.

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Bill D
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 08:02 PM

Oh, it's just you...

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 07:07 PM

Is it just me, or is this thread the perfect illustration of yanks not understanding humour?

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Ed T
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 06:18 PM

"I hope to break even this week. I need the money." (VETERAN GAMBLER)

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Ed T
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 06:15 PM

"Poker may be a branch of psychological warfare, an art form or indeed a way of life – but it is also merely a game, in which money is simply the means of keeping score." (Anthony Holden)

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Ed T
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 03:17 PM

""Do you think the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "If you build it, they will come?"" Source unknown

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: GUEST,Sol
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 03:02 PM

Life is cheap, except with those who are dear.

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 06:30 PM

"You can't have everything... where would you
put it?"
          -- Stephen Wright

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Bill D
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 12:02 PM

"If a hen and a half could lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a cross-eyed grasshopper with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?"

         question my daddy used to pose when I was small

(yes, I know there are variants of this...but his always seemed more... ummmm.. interesting_

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Mo the caller
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 11:01 AM

On a tv quiz in answer to
'Who was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald in Dallas?'
'JR'

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: JennieG
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 11:26 PM

Said to me when I was young and lovely by a bloke who had designs on my person:

"Don't ever run yourself down. You'll find that other people are more than willing to do it for you, and they will do a better job than you could ever do."

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Bill D
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 08:17 PM

from a little ditty about mules and their legs

♫"When we're behind the two behind,
We find what these be for!
So stand before the two behind
Behind the two before!"♫

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 07:51 PM

In memorium:

"Calling Jean Redpath a Scottish Folksinger is like calling Michaelangelo an Italian house painter"

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Ed T
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 09:23 AM

...""the person that had took a bull by the tail once had learnt sixty or seventy times as much as a person that hadn't, and said a person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was getting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn't ever going to grow dim or doubtful.""
-Tom Sawyer Abroad

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 09:03 AM

"Resistance is useless! (If < 1 ohm)"
               -- Anonymous

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Don Firth
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 10:36 PM

"There comes a time in the affairs of a man when he has to take the bull by the tail and face the situation."

--W. C. Fields

Don Firth

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Ed T
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 09:08 PM

"All the exaggerations are right, if they exaggerate the right thing." 
― G.K. Chesterton

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 03:55 PM

Be careful not to speak more clearly than you think.

-Howard Baker

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 03:01 PM

"Why is it that heat makes you sleepy in the daytime, but keeps you awake at night?"

.....................anon from many years ago.

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 02:43 PM

Advice given to me over 40 years ago, by an instructor in an apprentice trqaining school, on the importance of taking pride in your work:

          If it's neat, it's probably right;
          If it's not neat, it can't possibly be right

I have repeated these wise words to many hundreds of Scouts over the years when showing them how to put up tents, build structures with ropes & poles and the like.

DC

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Musket
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 01:25 PM

A bird in the hand shits on your wrist.

Source, every cynical bugger I drink with.



This thread could keep going if we aren't careful.

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Ed T
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 09:32 AM

"When you see a man opening the car door for his wife, the odds are he either has a new car, or a new wife" source unknown.

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 08:58 AM

"The best way to win an argument is to begin
by being right."
-- Jill Ruckelshaus

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Kim C
Date: 28 Aug 14 - 05:17 PM

Something my fiddle teacher told me about fiddling, but it applies to so many other things.

"If you need to get there, you'll make yourself get there somehow."

Subject: RE: BS: Non-Literary Quotable Quotes
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Aug 14 - 04:02 PM

The Golden Rule: "He who has the gold, makes the rules"

that one is pretty well known.