Jokes turned into songs...

Subject: Turn jokes into Song Challenges
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 06 Sep 13 - 06:25 AM

The lyricist of "Put Me Off" wasted the punchline, which must be something like "You should have heard/seen the guy I threw out at Buffalo!" - who must not be mentioned any earlier.

What about a SONG CHALLENGE with the following rules: a joke (taken from a joke thread) is given by the jury; each contestant makes a poem or song from it. To avoid any suspicion of plagiarizing, one hour, about a week ahead, can be fixed in which all submissions must take place; the thread is closed in the meantime. Submitters who are Mudcat members and cannot post at the fixed time, may PM their entries to the jury earlier.

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Joe_F
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 11:17 PM

Linda and Her Londonderry Air.

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 06:35 PM

Posted in another thread: An old joke about a Pullman porter and a passenger who wants to get off at Buffalo:

PUT ME OFF AT BUFFALO from 1895.

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Megan M
Date: 04 Jul 11 - 04:59 PM

The Crimson Pirates turned the barrel joke into a song, lyrics (I believe) by Don Kilcoyne:

The Barrel

"Permission, sir, to come aboard." "Tis granted, come up, lad
And welcome to the Crimson Tide, you look just like your dad!"
"He sends regards, he sends his son to follow him to sea
And he asked about the barrel -- is that something I could see?"

"You've heard about the barrel, boy, in every port it's told
How sailors on the Crimson Tide fight loneliness and cold.
Just step up to our pride and joy and raise your mast on high
Now slide your dinghy into port -- a moment now -- " "Oh, my!"

Just step up to the barrel
Just step up to the barrel
Oh, in the end, it's your best friend
When you step up to the barrel

Though just a lad, he'd been around and had his lady friends
But his knees went weak, his eyes went crossed, he thought his life would end
He'd left on shore a lady fair, the sweet and lovely Carol
But nothing that she'd done to him could come close to the barrel

Could come close to the barrel
Could come close to the barrel
Oh, every day you can have your way
If you come close to the barrel

"So this is what Dad whispered of when he was drinking porter
No wonder he got giggles from the landlord's lovely daughter
A sailor's life is not so hard, I won't be missing Carol
Whenever I get lonely, I'll just step up to the barrel!"

Just step up to the barrel
Just step up to the barrel
When in your bones, you feel alone
Just step up to the barrel

"There one thing I must warn you of: you don't have use on Sunday
For six whole days, you can have your fun, you only give up one day."
"Of course -- that's when I go to church, and sing my hymns and carols."
"I'm sorry, son, you've got me wrong -- that's your day in the barrel!"

That's your day in the barrel
That's your day in the barrel
Enjoy it now, but on the seventh day,
That's your day in the barrel

That's your day in the barrel
That's your day in the barrel
Plug away, but on the seventh day,
That's your day in the barrel


The Barrel at the NY Renfaire, 2008. Don sings the captain's part.

Subject: Lyr Add: SHAME AND SCANDAL IN THE FAMILY
From: saulgoldie
Date: 04 Jul 11 - 08:22 AM

I am not sure if this was first a joke. But...

Shame And Scandal In The Family

In Trinidad, there was a family
With much confusion as you will see
It was a mama and a papa, and a boy who was grown
Who wanted to marry and have a wife of his own
He found a young girl, that suited him nice
And went to his papa to ask his advice
His papa said son, I have to say no
This girl is your sister but your mama don't know

Refrein: Who, is me, shame and scandal in the family
Who, is me, shame and scandal in the family

A week went by and the summer came 'round
And soon the best cook in the island he found
He went to his papa to name the date
But papa shook his head and to him he said
You can't marry this girl, I have to say no
This girl is your sister but your mama don't know
Refrein

He went to his mama and covered his head
And told his mama what his papa had said
His mama laughed, she said go, man, go
Your daddy ain't your daddy, but your daddy don't know
Refrein

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Joe_F
Date: 03 Jul 11 - 09:09 PM

GUEST: That is correct.

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: DrugCrazed
Date: 03 Jul 11 - 08:12 PM

I humbly submit Reggaeforce.

The joke make more sense in the live video. Kind of. The important information is the original - warning, it's loud and may be unexpected - and the live version (where I am very nervous because I've never played it live before).

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Jul 11 - 07:00 PM

Joe Fineman's "Destroyer Benson" is also sung (at least in the filk community) with the names slightly changed, to "Benbow" and "Kuliakowski". I understand that he originally wrote it that way, but that since the decease of both participants he has reverted to the actual names.

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: GUEST,old git
Date: 16 Jan 11 - 08:25 AM

Keith marsden's "Ten Pints of Tetleys" is 5 jokes masterly woven into a very funny song.
geoff t

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 15 Jan 11 - 10:02 AM

I guess not so much a joke as just an amusing song.. anyone remember this?   

Intergalactic laxative.... Donovan

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Mrrzy
Date: 15 Jan 11 - 09:30 AM

Then there is that liar's song from Ireland, where the guy is talking about picking up some babe, and going to her place, and getting into it when home comes the husband who is Wild Bill the Wrestler, he tries to run away and falls and the guy grabs his leg...

and pulls it...

"don't believe this old yarn, don't believe this old line
For I'm pulling your leg like he;s pulling mine
Toora lay, toora lay,, wisha toorali oorali ay."

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 14 Jan 11 - 10:07 PM

THE TALKING DOG performed by the Oldham Tinkers.

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: RobbieWilson
Date: 12 Jan 11 - 06:59 PM

The Transatlantic Anthology of Hamish Imlach has several funny songs, for me most notably the coppers' song and including the Dundee cat. It also has one which I knew as a joke for years before I ever heard as a song "I was a Gay Spark in my Time".

This was the subect of a previous thread but as far as I can see the words never made it into the DT, despite being in the thread.

previous thread

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 12 Jan 11 - 06:24 PM

The Loo Song by The Corries.

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: framus
Date: 01 Nov 10 - 08:13 PM

Dear Peter
The above song, more or less, was on an LP (BIG BLACK THING) that I bought about 35 years ago. It was called Bawdy British Ballads, but I can't remember who the singer was. It also had a lot of limericks and The Chastity Belt, inter alia. This one was called The Ballad of Brian Boru.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE IRISH FRENCH LETTER
From: GUEST,Peter Laban
Date: 01 Nov 10 - 04:47 AM

I didn't go all up the thread t ocheck so forgive me if this one is already there.

I heard Séamus Ennis tell this one as a joke/recitation but it's been put to music (I am not mad about the tune that was put on it though).

The Irish French Letter


I was up to me arse in the muck, sir.
With a peat contract down in the bog
When me shovel it struck something hard sir
That I thought was a rock, or a log.

'Twas a box of the finest old oak, sir
'Twas a foot long and four inches wide.
And not giving a damn for the fairies,
I just took a quick look inside.

Now I opened the lid of this box, sir,
And I swear that my story is true
'Twas an ancient old Irish French letter,
A relic of Brian Boru.

'Twas an ancient old Irish French letter,
'Twas a foot long and made of elk hide;
With a little gold tag on its end sir
With his name, rank and stud fee inscribed.

Now I cast me mind back through the ages,
To the days of that horny old Celt,
With his wife lyin' by on the bed, sir,
As he stood by the fire in his pelt.

And I thought that I heard Brian whisper,
As he stood in the fire's rosy light,
"Well, ye've had your own way long enough, dear,
'Tis the hairy side outside tonight!"

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Genie
Date: 01 Nov 10 - 01:57 AM

Let's not forget The Scotsman's Kilt

and the one about The Vicar And The Frog.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE BATTLE OF HASTINGS
From: GUEST,Bruce Michael Baillie
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 04:04 PM

Here's a monologue I wrote after seeing the joke told on Mudcat...
(In the Yorkshire dialect of course!)

The Battle of Hastings

It wor just before t'battle of Hastings, and t'protagonists wor waiting to start,
King Harold wor giving some praise to his troops to try and cheer up their dull hearts.
They'd had a reyt week of it so far, up to York and back they'd had to gallop,
an' they'd fowt a big battle at Stamford Bridge, and given Harald Hardrada a wallop!

So his army were all bloody knackered, they'd were sore in both body and foot
and they hadn't had much to eyt neither, cos t'local McDonalds were shut!
...Still, Harold had picked a good site for the fray, on t'top of old Senlac Hill,
and he thowt if he managed to gee up his men, 'at still lots of Normans they'd kill.

He took a quick look at the Normans, they looked wicked, professional and keen,
and at t'side of his mud spattered, slovenly crew, for French folk they looked fairly clean!
He saw big William the Bastard, fannying rahnd on his horse,
and he heard him shout summat i' Norman, that despite his poor French sounded coarse!

So he turned to a man in the front rank, his big Danish axe at his side,
"how stands the shield wall with you my good man?" the dauntless King Harold he cried!"
"What can you do with that axe my good man?" so the chap puts his hands in his pocket,
pulls out some lettuce and fennel and such like, wi' some cucumber, parsley an' rocket!

He chucks 'em all up in to t'air like, and chops them all up ere they dropped,
and up fills his helmet wi a nice little salad as in there each piece well it plopped!
"A present my Lord!" said the warrior, "And tonight when in victory we feast,
please enjoy this gift as a starter, in the hope that my honour increase!"

Well the troops started cheering like thunder, "That went rather well!" thought the King,
and next he strode up to a swordsman, and his praises he started to sing.
"Give us a show of your skill with that blade!" so the chap he pulls out a dead rabbit!
that he'd somehow managed to keep tucked away up the left sleeve of his habit!

His sword it flashed upwards and outwards, reflecting the suns rays so hot,
and before his eyes full of startled surprise it was skinned, chopped and dressed for the pot!
"To the Victor the spoils!" said the warrior, as he lay it down by the Kings feet,
"Please remember the deeds of this warrior, as tonight you sit down to your meat!"

The troops now they cheered even louder, and started to jump up and down,
as Harold went up to a Spearman, a big man with face gnarled and brown,
"What can you do with that spear my good man, canst thou cast the thing far good and true,
"Aye that I can!" said the soldier, "Just let me show what I can do!"

He threw the spear up to the heavens, (it was lost for a while in the sky,)
but each man held his breath as it soared back to earth, then each gave a piercing cry!
for quivering there on the spearshaft, just at the Kings feet in the muck,
were there if you please, three fine fat geese, a partridge and two brace o' duck!

Each man in the force roared like madmen, as t' King then to t'Archers he strode,
and he stopped in front of an odd lookin' chap, his face it wor t'colour o't'road!
"Now then good archer!" said Harold, "why not give me a taste of your skill?"
"...summat to put t'wind up them Normans!" and t'Archer said, "Reyt then I will!"

Well he fumbled abaht in his quiver, and he nocked up an arrow to t'string,
then he sorta let go a bit quickly, and t'arrow shot off with a spring.
It shot like a bird past t'King's ear oyle, and narrowly missed his old horse,
then it ricocheted back off an axe blade, and flew through the middle of his force.

There were men ducking down all ovver, the buggers were diving in groups,
as that arrow flew back at eye level it wor parting the hair of the troops!
the thing it caused such a commotion, it wor every poor man for hissen,
then it bounced off another mans helmet! and back towards t' King once again!

That arrow it flew straight towards him, he could see it come straight from afar!
as it sailed through the air t'tension mounted, and his men wi' one voice shouted, "Aarrgghh!"
But Harold he stood there undaunted, his courage he never would yield,
and it finally landed 3 inch from his heart, where he'd thankfully just placed his shield!!!

"Bugger me!" whispered Harold in t'silence, his men were all in disarray,
and t'archer were stood looking sorry for hissen thinkin', "Christ there'll be t'devil to pay!
But just at that moment t'horn sounded, and the Normans made haste up the track,
so they hastily got t'shield wall together again, and prepared to repel the attack!


King Harold he frowned at the Archer, and his eye it wor steely and grim!
and he called one of his Lieutenants over, and said, "I'll have a quick word about HIM!"
"When this battle's over I'll tear off his ears!" he said, as up there in his saddle he sat...
,"But for now you just keep a good watch over him else,
HE'LL HAVE SOME BUGGERS EYE AHT WI' THAT!"

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: GUEST,seth from Olympia
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 03:24 PM

JOhn Prine: The Late John Garfield Blues.

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: kendall
Date: 31 Oct 10 - 01:17 PM

I looked in the DT for Over the Ground and didn't see it.

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Leadfingers
Date: 01 Apr 10 - 12:57 PM

100

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 01 Apr 10 - 12:07 AM

PAIR OF GEESE by Peter & Lou Berryman.

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: maple_leaf_boy
Date: 23 Dec 08 - 05:26 PM

"I'm In Love With You Baby, And I Don't Even Know Your Name" was
written about a joke. (Alan Jackson: one of his relatives would
sometimes suggest he use it in a song as a joke. Eventually, Alan made
an attempt to write it, and the song is rather humorous. It's on his
first greatest hits record).

Subject: Lyr Add: DESTROYER BENSON
From: Joe_F
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 09:32 PM

RossCampbell: I heard that joke while a student at Caltech back in the '50s. It seems a certain chemist had found condoms just the thing for capping a test tube & leaving room for evolved gas. He bought them by the gross, because in his experiments he used racks of 12x12 test tubes. One Sunday he found that the box contained only 143. The following day he went to the drugstore & mentioned the matter. The young man at the counter rose to the occasion by saying "Gee, mister, I hope it didn't spoil your weekend."

*

The following story is said to be based on fact. I heard it, already much embellished, at Harvard in 1959. For a long time I thought it was the stuff of balladry, and eventually I got around to it. It is, of course, TTTO that other great ballad of concatenated disasters, "The Sick Note":

Destroyer Benson

If you will please to take your seats and turn attentive ears,
A Harvard tale I'll tell to you, from Pusey's golden years.
There was a wise professor then, a chemist known to fame --
Played golf with Eisenhower. Kistiakowsky was his name.

He had a brilliant student, name of Benson, and 'twas said
If you asked him for an orbital, he'd do it in his head,
But if he touched a test tube, it invariably broke,
And when he flipped the switch, the centrifuge went up in smoke.

It happened that the Boston Globe reported in those days
The Navy Yard had sent a warship sliding down the ways.
'Twas called Destroyer Benson, 'twas the pride of our Navee.
"Aha!" Destroyer Benson said, "That's just the name for me".

One night Destroyer Benson labored in the lab alone.
The very plumbing in the sinks could scarce suppress a groan.
He had a flask of mercury and wished to know its mass;
He put it on the balance in its little house of glass.

He loaded up the other pan with every weight in sight.
The balance never budged; the tongue hung stiffly to the right.
With sudden inspiration, to the cabinet he strode
Where he had heard that Kistiakowsky's own gold weights were stowed.

He piled them on the right-hand pan; the beam swung round at last,
And then it broke and dropped the flask, which came down hard and fast.
It shattered, and the mercury poured out and swirled around;
The steel weights floated in it, but the gold ones stood their ground.

Now if you are a chemist or a dentist, you've been told
That mercury on contact will amalgamate with gold:
The atoms walk their way into the crystal grains, and then
There isn't any easy way to get them out again.

It soon occurred to Benson the professor might be sore
To find his own precision weights now weighed a little more.
"I'll try some heat", he thought, and he assembled for the task
A clamp, a Bunsen burner, and an Erlenmeyer flask.

Alas, the weights within the flask stayed silvered as before,
Though Benson turned the flame up to a gratifying roar.
"I'll pump it out", he theorized, and so he went and stole
A pump, a vacuum hose, a tube, a stopper with a hole.

He went to throw the balance out, he heard a sucking sound,
Turned anxiously towards the bench, and this is what he found:
The flask had softened and was now completing its collapse;
The stopper melted on the weights and trickled through the gaps.

Now just imagine, if you will, that coruscating mass
Of precious weights, now shrink-wrapped under curves of gleaming glass,
Old gold and new quicksilver all entwined with threads of black:
Well, that's the way Professor Kistiakowsky got them back.

Said he, "A synthesis like this can scarcely be believed.
I hope that you took careful notes on how it was achieved.
In Arts as well as Sciences 'twill get you a degree,
And tourists in the Fogg will see your shining Ph.D.

We'll write it up this afternoon -- there is no other way.
I can't afford to have you here at Harvard one more day.
And soon in Cambridge there'll be no-one left to tell the tale:
I'll catch a plane to Washington, and you can go to Yale."

-- Joe Fineman (1998)

Subject: Lyr Add: PUB SONG (from Wounded John Scott Cree)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Dec 08 - 06:15 PM

Transcribed from the video at YouTube, where it is reportedly sung by Wounded John Scott Cree live at Brighton in 1976.

The tune is a familiar one; it is also used for THE NIGHTINGALE or THE GRENADIER—the one with the chorus that ends: "And they both sat down together for to hear the nightingale sing."

THE PUB SONG

One night I went out to a pub for a beer.
"That's 2p," said the barman, and he wasn't a queer.
I said, "In that case, are you having one too?"
And he said, "Cheers! I'll have 1p's worth with you."

I felt a bit peckish, so I ordered some crisps.
I said, "Give us one bag; no, look: make it six."
He went under the counter and lobbed them to me.
I said, "How much is that?" He said, "Nothing. They're free."

I thought, "What's the catch?" so to clear up my doubt,
I ordered a bottle of scotch to take out.
He went and he got it and gave it to me.
I said, "How much is that?" he said, "17p."

I thought it was Christmas, and funnily, it was,
And I realized I had no booze in my house,
So I ordered his entire stock of spirits from him.
He said, "Look, I'm sorry: we've run out of gin."

So I said, "Well, worse things can happen at sea.
Give everyone a drink and charge it to me."
There was two or three hundred, but that's what he did.
He said, "Sorry, all together, I'm afraid that's a quid."

I thought something was wrong and it started to nag.
It was then that I realized I'd run out of fags,
So I ordered two hundred to Piccadilly(?),
And of course all he charged me was 17p.

I thought it was time that the landlord was there.
The bloke said the landlord was busy upstairs.
I asked him, "What doing?" He said, "Here's the rub:
What he's doing to my wife I'm doing to his pub."

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 03:17 AM

SALT
Can't see it here at all, but may have overlooked it.
A song based on a folk-tale rather than a joke seems to be making a comeback here in Ireland - heard it twice at a singing festival last week-end.
Don't have the words but plot goes - like- this.
Man takes job as farm-hand which requires him to live in with the farmer and his wife, both very mean, so he is not very well fed.
One of his first jobs is to kill the pig and salt it.
After some time the farm donkey dies and he is instructed to salt it for future eating.
Later the grandmother of the house dies; when he is instructed to "Go for the salt" he takes to the road.

At the same week-end I heard a song version of an American tale I know as 'The Mountaineer's Courtship'.
Old hill farmer, on his annual visit to town bargains for a wife, sets her on the donkey and heads for home.
On the way the farmer doesn't speak until the donkey stumbles and he says, "That's once" - wife says nothing.
A few miles later the donkey stumbles again; the farmer says, "That's twice" - wife says nothing.
Halfway home the donkey stumbles a third time; the farmer takes a stick and beats the donkey to death.
The wife lets out a roar, "How can you do that to a dumb animal, what's it ever done to you, how are we going to get home now, it's coming on to rain............ etc, etc, etc, etc..........
The farmer says, "That's once".
Jim Carroll

Subject: Lyr Add: A GROSS ERROR (Ron Baxter)
From: Ross Campbell
Date: 30 Oct 08 - 02:03 AM

I'm sure I heard the joke this song is based on many years ago. Ron Baxter of Fleetwood put it into verse, with the hope that it might appeal to local hairdresser and ukulele wizard Richard Grothusen (The Amazing Dick). I put a tune to it (substantially similar to the one that accompanies "Paddy and the Bricks") ages ago, and I've been singing it occasionally ever since. Finally got performed for its intended recipient last year.

A GROSS ERROR (RON BAXTER)
Tune trad. arr. Ross Campbell

I was working down the barber's on a "Tony Curtis" crop,
When an auld lad, about eighty-four, shuffled in the shop;
I said "I'll not be long, sir!", but for a cut he hadn't come;
He said "I'd like a word wi' you - and in private, son!"

"You remember Friday evening, the last time you cut ma hair?
Just as I was leaving, you said 'One moment, sir!
Anything for the week-end?' and I said 'I think I ought
to have a few of they Johnny things - so a gross from you I bought!'"

I said, "Indeed!", I remembered him, for that many I rarely sell;
He frowned as he continued, for things hadn't turned out well;
"Although a hundred and forty-four from you I thought I'd bought -
I'm sorry, son, but you've diddled me, and I find I'm a packet short!"

"Oh!" I said "I'm really sorry, sir, you can have another pack -
Or if you would prefer it, you can have a refund back!"
He said "No, never mind, lad - but I'll tell ye as a friend -
To be more careful in future - for you spoiled a great week-end!"

The last half-line is spoken with a sigh, and more in sorrow than in anger.

Ross

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: MaineDog
Date: 29 Oct 08 - 12:33 PM

I am thinking of Fred Gosbee's "Great American Moose", which is seriously misunderstood by a hapless Scot who learns a lesson about comparative linguistics in a humorous manner.
MD

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: GUEST, Sminky
Date: 29 Oct 08 - 12:00 PM

It was also known as "Dearly you must pay for your mutton" and appeared on broadsides, though I've not been able to find a copy.

Horry White of Ringsfield, Nr Beccles, Suffolk, sang a much abridged version, substituting "a Hebrew" for the Irishman. Horry can be heard on the Double CD 'Comic Songs of the Stour Valley and East Coast Fishermen', though I don't know if it includes the above song.

The website is here (scroll down a bit to see the words).

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 29 Oct 08 - 10:38 AM

I just noticed the last song has an odd rhyme scheme: for verses 1-8 it's AABB, then it switches to ABAB. Has anyone noticed this kind of thing before? Would it affect what tune you would use?

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 29 Oct 08 - 10:10 AM

That's wonderful, sminky!

I hadn't heard of Alfred Williams before, but there is an article about him at SwindonWeb.com. He may be the earliest folk-song collector I have heard of who was actually of the working class himself.

A database containing the songs that Williams collected, and some others, can be searched at The Wiltshire County Council web site.

This was mentioned in this earlier thread: Wiltshire Folksong Database.

Apparently no one knows what tune the above song was sung to. Can anyone think of an appropriate one?

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: GUEST, Sminky
Date: 29 Oct 08 - 09:36 AM

Englishman, Scotchman and Irishman

Unpublished song collected by Alfred Williams

(WSRO: 2598/36 Packet 5 - Miscellaneous: Williams, A: MS collection No Mi 562)


Verse 1

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotchman too, one day
Were walking out together and one of them did say –
'We're all so very hungry, and I see on yonder hill
A flock of sheep a-feeding boys, it's one of them we'll kill.'

Verse 2

The notion being agreed upon, to the field they went together,
And from the flock a-grazing they chose a fine fat wether;
One held its head and one its legs, while, from underneath his coat,
Pat drew his knife out of the sheath and cut the poor brute's throat.

Verse 3

Then straightway one took off its skin and hung it on a briar,
Another gathered twigs of wood and kindled up a fire,
But the farmer he came riding by, and had them sent to prison,
For stealing his fat wether and for cutting off its wizen.

Verse 4

Next day before the learned judge the prisoners he took;
With gown and wig his worship sat, a turning of his book,
Said he – 'Tis a case for hanging,' and put the black cap on his head,
Saying – 'John Bull, Pat and Sandy, you shall hang until you're dead.

Verse 5

But I'll be merciful to you, since you have not long to live,
I'll set the law's strict rules aside and this favour I will give,
To choose your place for hanging, since you are so far from home,
So anywhere you like to name you shall be all welcome.'

Verse 6

Then the Englishman spoke – 'I'll choose the old oak, the pride of our native land,
On a high oak tree you may hang me since us you are going to disband.'
'All right,' says the judge, 'Away you can trudge and sorry I am to see you such a glutton
You all had your fill and the sheep did kill, so dearly you pay for your mutton.'

Verse 7

Then up spoke bold Sandy, of Scotland h spoke –
'On Scotland's high mountain let my neck be broke!
Let me breathe my last moments in an air pure and free!
Give me one pinch of snuff and in peace I will dee.'

Verse 8

'All right,' says the judge, 'This favour I'll grant,
Now take him away and don't let him snuff want.
Let him breathe his last moments in air pure and free!'
They did, and in ten minutes up went poor Scottee.

Verse 9

'Mush Gad!' then says Paddy, 'If I'm after dying,
O on a gooseberry bush I would like to be strung.'
'Oh, no,' the judge answered, this bold Paddy eyeing,
'There's never one high enough for you to be hung.'

Verse 10

'Hold hard!' then says Paddy, 'don't be in a flurry,
There's not one high enough everyone knows,
But as for the hanging, sure, Pat's in no hurry,
If it pleases your worship, I'll wait till one grows.'

Subject: Lyr Add: THE MANTRAP
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 02 Oct 08 - 07:41 PM

In maybe 1955, I think it was, I saw a two-line wisecrack in, of all places, the The Saturday Evening Post.
A modest girl doesn't chase bachelors.
Neither, on the other hand, does a mousetrap pursue a mouse!

Aha, sez I, there's a song in there! And so there was, the first song I ever wrote that was worth keeping. We won't mention the earlier ones. The tune has a sort of calypso beat, but, more's the pity, I'm not able to submit the tune here.

The Mantrap

Come all you young maidens and listen
And gain some instruction from me.
Be modest, demure, and retiring,
And chase not the bachelor so free.

Oh, do not act bold, free, and brazen;
Be modest, retiring and shy.
Men flee from the woman who chases
And the brazen young lady pass by.

But the modest girl does not chase bachelors
As doubtless you have been aware,
For the modest girl does not chase bachelors
As the bear-trap does not chase the bear!

Alas, would that it were longer!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Arkie
Date: 02 Oct 08 - 01:54 PM

There have been several references to the songs Shame and Scandal, Mixed Up Family, Johnny Be Fair, and Emma Turl which are all based upon the same joke. R.L. Burnside has recorded a joke on the subject. Whether his joke is anywhere like the old story, I can't say. I became interested in the story behind the song after hearing Shame and Scandal and later Jimmy Driftwood singing "Mixed Up Family". Jimmy had connections with Odetta who sang Shame and Scandal and Buffy St. Marie who wrote Johnny Be Fair, and I have wondered if any of them inspired the other. The only response I ever had from inquiries was that the song was based on an old joke. I heard the Burnside recording long after having heard the various songs.

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: cptsnapper
Date: 01 Oct 08 - 11:45 PM

There's also Gerard Hoffnung's story, told at the Oxford Union, about the brickie who couldn't go to work, the musical equivalent of which was sung by Noel Murphy.

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Amos
Date: 01 Oct 08 - 06:04 PM

There are SCORES of songs based on humorous incidents populating the SONG CHALLENGE threads and most of them are archived in Aine's Mudcat Songbook.

A

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 01 Oct 08 - 05:41 PM

For them wot likes John Conolly's funny stuff, "The Grumpy Old Men of Old England" is his latest CD, and a good un, too. Available from CAMSCO, of course.

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: GUEST,harlowpoet
Date: 01 Oct 08 - 03:20 PM

This is one of mine that I managed to put onto You Tube

A Love Story

Subject: Lyr Add: ELMA TURL (Mike Cross)
From: GUEST,Jim
Date: 01 Oct 08 - 02:39 PM

Sorry if this has been mentioned, but I didn't read the whole thread.
Mike Cross was mentioned in the first post. He also did a song called Elma Turl, based on an old joke. I heard Buffy Sainte-Marie sing an entirely different song based on the same joke.

ELMA TURL
(Mike Cross)

Elma Turl is a beautiful girl, and I'd love to have her for my wife.
She's just the kind of woman who could make me happy for the rest of my life.
My daddy said, "Son, there's something you don't know, and it's something I think you oughter.
Elma Turl is a beautiful girl, but son, she's my daughter."

Alice Green is a beautiful thing, and I'd love to have her for my wife.
She's just the kind of woman who could make me happy for the rest of my life.
My daddy said, "Son, there's something you don't know, and it's something I think you oughter.
Alice Green is a beautiful thing, but son, she's my daughter."

Well, I've been all around the whole durn county, like a buck huntin' for a doe,
But it seems every girl I'd like to marry is a wild oat Daddy sowed.
So I went to my mama with my head hung down, and she asked me what the matter could be,
I told her my problem and she took my hand and said, "Son, now listen to me.

"You see, your daddy was such a good-lookin' young man, and like an eager young stallion horse,
His blood ran hot, so you can't blame him for lettin' Mother Nature take her course,
But you got no reason to be upset. Don't you worry; don't fret; don't bother.
You see, your daddy ain't your daddy. He only thinks he is, so you can marry whomever you wanter."

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Jayto
Date: 01 Oct 08 - 10:56 AM

I have seen plenty of good song ideas turned into jokes thanks to bad writing :)

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: GUEST,Suffolk Miracle
Date: 01 Oct 08 - 10:28 AM

This was compiled from a series of traditional miners' jokes recorded in Dave Douglass' Pit Talk in County durham

Some men leave their sons their land, their gold and silver too;
If they have a house they leave to them the key.
But my father was a collier and he had no wealth to leave -
Instead he left this good advice to me:
CHO Never let your dingle dangle dingle-dangle down;
Never let your dingle dangle down.

The first day I worked down the pit a butterfly flew past
So I hit it with a shovel on the head;
Inside of half a minute everyone came running out
Crying 'Get out quick - the ventilator's dead!'

I must say that I've met some very small men in my time
But our Billy is the smallest I've seen yet
For when the shift is over and he goes into the shower
He has to run around to get it wet.

The Deputy who lives next doo said 'Wake me up at four
Because I've got the back-shift still to do.'
So at two o'clock I went around and woke the bastard up
And said 'You've only got two hours to go.'

A fellow got his leg trapped and the doctors went below
But they had to take it off before they'd done.
As they carried him outby the gaffer said 'You silly sod
It'll take you months to grow another one.'

Our Jimmy had to tell a lass her husband had been killed.
'Break it gently, don't just blurt it out' we said.
He went round to the house and when the lass came to the door
He said 'I bet you'll never guess who's dead!'

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Joe_F
Date: 30 Sep 08 - 08:02 PM

"Come, come," said Tom's father, "at your time of life,
There's no longer excuse for thus playing the rake --
It is time you should think, boy, of taking a wife." --
"Why, so it is, father -- whose wife shall I take?"

-- Thomas Moore

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: oldhippie
Date: 30 Sep 08 - 07:41 PM

And the copyright apparently belongs to McCutcheon (1986) as "The Red Corvette".

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: oldhippie
Date: 30 Sep 08 - 07:38 PM

"The $65 Sports Car" aka "A True Story" was indeed recorded by Charlie King. He called it "The Corvette".

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: GUEST,Volgadon
Date: 30 Sep 08 - 06:10 PM

Get up and lock the door.

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 30 Sep 08 - 06:07 PM

See THE KNOCKING NELLY TRILOGY, consisting of 3 parts/3 jokes: THE BALLAD OF KNOCKING NELLY, KNOCKING NELLY AND THE SIXTY-NINER, and KNOCKING NELLY AND THE MOTHMAN—all by Bernard Wrigley.

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 14 Aug 06 - 10:55 AM

See Lyr Req: Geordie Broon / Geordie Brown

Subject: Lyr Add: THE PRINCE AND THE MAIDEN
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 16 Jul 06 - 10:51 AM

Her's another from the Wysiwyg repertoire.

Don T.


THE PRINCE AND THE MAIDEN

A young prince who went walking in some woods near Hampton Wick,
Discovered that he'd lost his way, well he bein' rather thick,
He came across a clearing, and he said "What's this I see?
It is a fair young maiden, tied tightly to a tree".

Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, Fol de rol de dee,
It is a fair young maiden, tied tightly to a tree.

He said "Fair maid, how come you to be in this parlous state,
What wicked, nasty, evil villain's left you to your fate?"
She said "Kind Sir, if you will only deign to set me free,
I'll tell you of the wicked squire, and what he did to me".

Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, Fol de rol de dee,
I'll tell you of the wicked squire, and what he did to me".

The prince was all agog to hear the essence of her tale,
But as she was quite naked, other thoughts came to prevail,
He said "Hold hard young maiden, there's the question of me fee,
If I comply with your request, pray what's in it for me?"

Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, Fol de rol de dee,
If I comply with your request, pray what's in it for me?"

The maiden, now, was quite dismayed, "I can't believe", she said,
"That you're as wicked as the squire, Oh! I were better dead",
The prince was quite unruffled, as the maid began to pray,
He said, as he took his doublet off, "This ain't your lucky day".

Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, Fol de rol de day
He said, as he took his doublet off, "This ain't your lucky day".

The maiden stopped him with a glance, "If that's how it is", said she,
"'Twere better I enjoy meself, and join in willingly,
Remember that hereafter, for your crime you'll have to pay,
Now cut me loose you scurvy knave, and you shall have your way".

Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, Fol de rol de day
Now cut me loose you scurvy knave, and you shall have your way".

He drew his sword, and lashed out, and the rope fell down in coils,
She threw her arms about his neck, said, "Come, collect your spoils",
Then fervently, and ardently she kissed the dirty dog,
And all he said was "Rivet!", for he'd turned into a frog.

Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, fol de rol de dog,
And all he said was "Rivet!" for he'd turned into a frog.

Now the young prince and the maiden have gone their separate ways,
She's gone home to Daddy, and the frog in the swamp he stays,
He got himself into this mess, there's nothing he can do,
Till a maid agrees to kiss him. Well I ask you girls, would you?

Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, fol de rol de doo,
Till a maid agrees to kiss him. Well I ask you girls, would you?

So, all who listen to me song, attention pay to me,
Ne'er take advantage of a maid you find tied to a tree,
For love and lust, according to two differing points of view,
May change a frog into a prince, and vice versa too.

Ch. Fol de rol de diddle-O, fol de rol de doo,
May change a frog into a prince, and vice versa too.


Ó Don Thompson May 1980

.

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Long Firm Freddie
Date: 16 Jul 06 - 01:53 AM

Here's a link to a learned discourse on comic, or as German scholars call them, schwank ballads:

schwank

Enjoy!

LFF

Subject: RE: Jokes turned into songs...
From: Bert
Date: 16 Jul 06 - 01:18 AM

The last verse of "Lively" by Lonnie Donnegan was stolen from a Goon Show joke.

We'd rehearsed for weeks and weeks
a smash and grab to do
We'll throw the brick the others said
and leave the grab to you
the brick went through the window
now "Grab" the cried "and quick"
It wasn't 'till we got away
I found I'd grabbed our brick.