BS: Rap for emperor

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 06:59 PM

"In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king" 
 Michael Lewis

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 07:05 PM

"Men in general judge more by the sense of sight than by the sense of touch, because everyone can see but only a few can test by feeling. Everyone sees what you seem to be, few know what you really are; and those few do not dare take a stand against the general opinion."
Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 07:45 PM

Just thought I'd take a quick break from ignoring this thread to post a reminder for the Keeper of the Imperial Wardrobe. (There is a Keeper of the Imperial Wardrobe, isn't there? If not, someone needs to apply for the job, pronto.) Cold weather is just around the corner, and His Imperial Majesty is fond of wintertime outdoor activities. Please be absolutely certain that The Emperor has snow clothes.


I shall now resume ignoring this thread.


Bee-dubya-ell, Royal Ignorer {ri}

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Oct 16 - 07:32 AM

Rules for the ruler 

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Oct 16 - 06:33 PM

Now I can stop bugging Severn to get over to this thread. Severn is in grand form being an Ick Theologist on the Old Dude thread, and Rapparee the Evil Overlord isn't doing so badly either over there.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 26 Oct 16 - 01:28 PM

Yo EMP! I am a game warden. Ya want someone to hoe a new roe, you'll have to appoint an Imperial Biologist.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter, g (my mark)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 26 Oct 16 - 04:11 PM

Is the Black fly/mosquito herding waren job taken yet?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 27 Oct 16 - 08:28 AM

Yes. One of my qualifications is a B.Sc. in flyology I earned at the University of The Fly Infested Bog Country of Kent County New Brunswick.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter, g (my mark)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Nov 16 - 03:31 PM

And his Imperiousness is off for Illinois.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Nov 16 - 01:55 PM

Just had a really short haircut as part of the grieving process for, you know, what happened since the previous post.

On my continuing educational rambles, the occasional surprise claims my attention. An episode of "Once Upon A Time" on network television introduced me, through Robert Carlyle's melodious Scots reading, to the poet and "Great War" veteran, Murdoch Maclean from Kintail in the West Highlands. Researching him further, I ordered from the British Library Imaging Department, a photocopy of the poem, as well as the song, written in honor of Edith Cavell. The delivery was yesterday.

The photocopy of the 1917-ish print, published in Stirling, brought me more than I bargained for. Maclean's English poem was just inside. Following this was a song melody, with keyboard accompaniment; squeezed into the sheet music were two lyrics: the selfsame English poem by Maclean, and a Scottish Gaelic lyric by Malcolm MacFarlane; the tune was to be sung with the lyric of one's choice. So far, no surprises, as this was all in the British Library catalog description, along with all the info on the outside front page:
all profits from sale going to the Scottish Edith Cavell Fund, dedication to Nurse Cavell's grieving mother, and more of the same.

Then the final page of the printed song, and on the page following it, is what appears to be a pibroch! Author credit is given to "Jas. Wilson, Pipe Major. Q.V.S. [Queen Victoria School?] Dunblane." The little tune is labeled "Lament for Nurse Cavell." The British Library never so much as hinted at this. A genuine surprise. I am looking at it as I enter this post.

What, O Imperious Retired Librarian, do you make of this discovery?
Is it good news, or bad? Is it harmless, or infectious? Should I advise the British Library of the hidden pibroch in their archives?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Nov 16 - 06:29 PM

We are aware of pibrochs being found in numerous, unexpected, place. We know of a plumber, Paul, who placed a pibroch in his pants; he was, naturally, arrested when his drones dangled. This was in violation of Our legal Code which for obvious reasons damns dangling drones.

The question of whether you should inform the BM* of your discovery should be resolved in favo(u)r of doing so. We suggest doing so only after transcribing said discovery and submitting it to an appropriate Learned Journal, such as The International Journal of Pibroch Studies or Occasional Pipes and Pibroch Papers. On the other hand, you might find that this place, of which We quite approve, may be interested.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex      (r)      His alternate mark


*British Museum. While We know that Edith Clavell was a nurse We do not approve of BMs in Our messages.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Nov 16 - 10:08 PM

You found a rusty old boat in a book? Looks like it used to be The Imperial Garbage Scow.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Nov 16 - 12:40 PM

O Gracious Imperious Rex the Ex Librarian,
you bring a smile to my face when you refer to Nurse Cavell as "Clavell," for it reminds me of Ludwig Bemelmans' books from my childhood, about Madeleine/Madeline under the car of Miss Clavel at the orphanage.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Nov 16 - 08:03 PM

We forgive Our misspellings.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       (r)    His alternate mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Nov 16 - 08:44 PM

I read those Madeline books to my daughter when she was young. I don't remember a story in which Madeline was "under the car of Miss Clavel". Or anyone else's car, for that matter. What was she doing under the car? Changing its oil? Adjusting its brakes? Are you sure it wasn't Curious George who was under the car? Sounds more like his style.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Nov 16 - 12:47 PM

If the Imperious One can forgive His misspellings, I guess I can forgive mine -- one of those insidious misspellings, I see, that the spell-checker does not detect, since it passes muster as a different word with a different meaning. Under the car, indeed.

I had no idea how badly I needed a good belly laugh.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 16 - 10:23 PM

We hereby appoint Bee-Dubya-Ell Our Imperial Speller. Among other things his duties include casting spells, after Our approval, of course. We do hope that when he is casting spells here and there he doesn't harm anyone.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    (r)   His alternate mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Nov 16 - 08:32 PM

In Our district of the United States of America tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. We are spending it in Our subdistrict of Indiana, enjoying a tasteful repast with Our friends.

We encourage all of Our subjects to be thankful tomorrow for all that We have given them.

As a special gift We hereby direct Our Imperial Torturer to allow the toes of all of the prisoners to touch the ground tomorrow between the hours of 0100 and 1700 GMT. The prisoners are also to be allowed 0.05 kilograms of fresh bread and 0.5 liters of clean water for their meal of thanksgiving as a sign of Our Imperial Mercy.

The rest of Our subjects may, within the bounds of decorum, raise a ruckus.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          (r)       His alternate mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 23 Nov 16 - 11:28 PM

Message received loud and clear, Oh Great One! The chains will be relaxed for those few hours, and I shall lead a chorus of miscreants in praise for your magnanimity. Woe betide anyone whose voice is not raised loud and clear, as no mumbling or squeaking will be tolerated. Mumblers and squeakers will find a few extra years added to their sentences.

Also, may I be the first to extend to you and your gathering of friends my best wishes for much sharing and joy at Thanksgiving?

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 16 - 10:55 AM

We wish all of Our subject would inform Us of what they, in their humble way, did to celebrate this day. In that way the gaiety might be shared among all.

Thank you, Imperial Torturer, for your diligence. You may add "Semi-merciful" to your title.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    (a)    His mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 08:19 PM

Just saying a wistful farewell to this thread, which has been mightily efficaceous in the lifting of spirits during this tumultuous year.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 09:11 PM

We do no approve of your leaving. We command you to return to your scullery!


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 09:34 PM

Take care rap can't find a version on youtube but instead a fragment of my own singing from a few years back, Rap. here

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 09:55 PM

This thread has lifted my spirits as well. Many's the morning I have awakened wondering what I could do to relieve the toxic blue funk of my daily existence, when it has occurred to me, "I can ignore the Rap for Emperor thread!"

I have ignored this thread while washing dishes, taking out the garbage, and performing many other tasks that I wouldn't have had the courage to undertake were this thread not around for me to ignore.

Thanks, thread.

Bee-dubya-ell, Royal Ignorer {ri}

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 10:29 PM

We see that We have a new subject, a Jon Freeman. Welcome, and be certain to contribute 92% of everything you have, will have, or ever have had, to the continuing good of Our realm.

Welcome back, Royal Ignorer. We hope that your Yuletide has been relatively pain-free.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 04:44 AM

Imperial Sire, the inmates of the oubliette, and of course my good self, would like to wish you and Her Most Imperial Highness Princess Patricia the compliments of the season!

Kindest regards
JennieG
Imperial Torturer and Official Wrangler of the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 06:32 AM

Your excellency. As an ex emperor, I'm afraid it would be impossible to give 92% of everything I ever had. I am unable to re conquer lands for you.

I trust and plead that in these highly unusual circumstances, you will understand.

J Bony Parts F

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 10:07 AM

Churl Freeman, We forgive you the contribution on whatever you had prior to arriving in this, Our realm. We cannot forgive, and the reasons why should be obvious, the contributions of the present and future. We do now award you the title of Churl One and permit you to use this mark: ℅ . We are pleased that you have seen the error of being outside of this Our realm and only remind you that Jennie G., Our Imperial Torturer, is always looking for new banjo stings.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Jan 17 - 01:01 PM

Banjo stings? I guess it would, in the hands of the Imperial Torturer....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 11 Jan 17 - 03:02 PM

Ah yes, indeed......you have never heard me play banjo, have you?

Because I can't.....

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jan 17 - 04:09 PM

Silly subjects! A banjo sting is an undercover law enforcement operation with an unorthodox twist. In most "sting" operations, the cops attempt to lure miscreants into fake pawn shops where they arrest them for attempting to sell stolen goods. In a banjo sting, cops attempt to lure miscreants into fake music stores where they arrest them for attempting to play banjo.

Cities where banjo stings have been set up have seen marked improvement in public perception of law enforcement. It seems most people are willing to put up with unbridled graft, corruption and police brutality, as long as banjo players are kept off the streets.

Bee-dubya-ell, Royal Ignorer {ri}

(Who couldn't help but not ignore such a marvelous setup.)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 11 Jan 17 - 06:37 PM

It is undoubtedly churlish of me to ask, O great one, but do you have bee stings collected in this magnificent land? I am, perhaps unreliably, informed their milk is quite wonderful.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 17 - 10:36 PM

Churl One, We have collected all that might be of any importance. We have seen that there is a collection of bee stings, wasp stings, and other stings. We have also collected variations on these, such as bee stinks and wasp steins.

You may apply to Our Omniscient and Omnipotent Imperial Librarian for further information.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®       His mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 12 Jan 17 - 06:48 AM

Thank you Your Excellency. I have called upon your most noble librarian who provided me with the most detailed catalogue for the above collections.

It has been noted that there is a major omission in the Imperial collection of stinks where you have everything but the kitchen variety.

Might I be bold enough to suggest a quest to capture one on these rare specimens.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Jan 17 - 06:13 PM

Now, here's a thing.
Bee-Dubya-Ell has been appointed Imperial Speller. So what does he do when I quote "banjo stings"?....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jan 17 - 07:31 PM

Oops! I forgot about that Imperial Speller appointment. But, hey, I didn't ask for it. It just got tossed in my lap like an overturned bowl of fish guts.

And anyway, "banjo sting" is funnier than "banjo string", and funny trumps correctly spelled in 98.4% of all cases.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 17 - 09:52 PM

We herewith and herein remove the title "Imperial Speller" to Mr. Bee-Dubya-Ell. He will, however, continue with the title of Imperial Ignorer until such time as We feel it necessary to revoke that title as well. In truth, We herein and herewith revoke that title as well. He is herewith granted the title of Imperial Ignoramus.

We are not harsh. "Ignoramus" is simply Latin for "We Ignore." We find that a title in Latin befits him better, being to most as incomprehensible as he is.

We extend Our Imperial Congratulations to Our new Imperial Ignoramus! Everyone who cares to may applaud.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®       His mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 12:01 PM

Ave Imperial Ignoramus!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 05:16 PM

I'd say he deserves the clap.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 06:49 PM

I'm sorry to hear that. Has he talked to a doctor? A butt shot of "peni" may be in order.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 12:55 AM

I hear it's a slap from the nurse

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Will Fly
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 04:45 AM

Cave, Imperator, ad exercitum barbarorum banjo histriones sunt super te...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 01:29 PM

On behalf of inquiring minds throughout this Your realm, I should respectfully submit, Imperial Sire, expressions of concern and goodwill towards Your Princess Patricia. Word has reached us that she returns home in a different condition than she left in Your company. She has at least returned to This Your Empire in one piece, we hope?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 05:00 PM

Our esteemed and beloved Imperial spouse, now resting, fell in a restaurant parking lot during Our recent visitation to Our province of Illinois. She dislocated her left index finger and badly bruised her left knee. This all resulted in a ride to the Emergency Room in a vehicle known locally and quaintly as an "ambulance."

After x-rays her finger was reset by a barber-chirurgeon and relief was if not immediate (as We had commanded) but very close to it. However, she is still very much bothered by swelling and haemotoma in her left knee and foot. X-rays did not show any injury, but she will be seeing Our Imperial Barber-Chirurgeon here in the near future.

We Ourself and Our beloved spouse both returned with quite uncommon colds, which were shared with Us by Our Imperial Great-Neice Averi, or possibly her sister Emeri, or perhaps both. We have not yet thanked them for this gift.

Oh, yes! The owner, previous owners, workers, and previous workers from the time the restaurant opened up have been executed for failure to preclude accidents such as happened to Our Imperial spouse. Those who were in the restaurant when the injury occurred were deemed innocent in the matter and let off with only a Strong Rebuke. All of the city officials have been replaced and those who were incumbents at the time of the injury have been placed in the cinnabar mines for a period of no less than two (2) years and no more than the rest of their natural life.

Emperor Rapparee, Imerious Rex       ®         His mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 11:38 PM

Most Gracious Sire, please pass on my well wishes to Her Most Regal Highness Princess Patricia for a speedy and painless (as much as possible) recovery, from one sempster to another.

Should any workers from said restaurant need to be shown the error of their ways the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble is tuning up as we speak, and seats in the front row of the Imperial Dungeon Recital Hall are being held for that purpose. Such seats, it should be said, come with built-in restraining straps as we wouldn't want our guests leaving before the recital is done, thereby missing out on an amazing experience.

Most of our recitals last a full eight hours. Longer hours available on request.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 05:49 AM

The Imperial Ignoramus doth hereby petition Emperor Rapparee to change the mark (*) assigned to the Imperial Torturer Etc. to something more reflective of her position.

How are miscreants expected to take seriously the ministrations of a torturer whose mark is a picture of the south end of a northbound cat?

Perhaps something like (§) to indicate the twisting and dislocation of body parts one will endure while under the Imperial Torturer's care? Or maybe a simple (☠)?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 10:32 AM

It may bevtimevto pick a proper Imperial vehicle.

Pick your official Imperial 

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 08:06 PM

Bee-dubya-ell, I like the way you think - you are welcome in the dungeon anytime!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 09:07 PM

Our Imperial Ignoramus has had an excellent thought, and We herewith withdraw from the Imperial Torturer her awarded Mark of (*). It is herewith replaced with the Mark

                         [§]

which is indicative not only of the twisting involved in her position, but also of the imprisonment of those to be twisted, those who have been twisted, and those being twisted.

For his perspicuity Our Imperial Ignoramus is granted the Mark

                      <¡!>

which We find mathematically and linguistically appropriate. Naturally We herewith withdraw all previous Marks which he may have been granted.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 01:31 AM

Gee, thank you Sire!

Perhaps (*) could be used for another designation now, it has done good and faithful service and it seems a shame just to toss it on the scrap heap.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)