BS: Rap for emperor

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gillymor
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 12:46 PM

I'm just getting warmed up here but how about "The Imperious Wreck"?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 12:51 PM

"Tyrannosaurus Rap"?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 03:17 PM

Rapparree the Imaginary is my vote. It's bad enough that the world is willing to tear itself in half over the nature of imaginary entities, but for Mudcatters to throw in with that invidious and toxic game is just about as bad as Trumpery. I swan.

Well, actually, I don't. But I know someone who does.

En bas l'Empereur Imaginaire!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 03:53 PM

Are you sure the kid wasn't salting smelts to revive the unconscious? Would that be considered "a salting within tent", or was he not camping out at the time?....

Being an insomniac, I feel that that unconsciousness should undergo a revival, at least until it's safe to be revived, say, in four years or so. Going "R.I.P. Van Winkle" for awhile seems appealing at the moment.......

Those aforementioned Poetry Police once revoked my Poetic License because of too many Meter Violations. Fortunately, I was not left without reason, only without rhyme, but under adverse conditions, I still tend to add verses anyway. Sometimes, I feel like it's Me verses the World, but often, or at least often on, I actually get some help help......

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 08:13 PM

"Entities should not be multiplied beyond necessity." 

 William of Ockham

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 08:22 PM

We find it unusual that the Imperial Naysayer would doubt Our existence, especially since he has met Us in corpus. We must, therefore, declare that the Imperial Naysayer is an imaginary being, a creature of Our mind, and a strange creature at that. Elsewhere he stated that he had shipped 6.5 tons (6,604.30 kg). We have found out that this load was accurate and consisted of one very beat up aluminum cooking pan, two rickety chairs, and banjos. Over 6,500 kg. of banjos! According to Our Imperial Researchers, the average banjo (should there be such a thing) weighs 10.75 pounds (4.88 kg). Thus 6,500 kg of banjos yields a total of at least 1,332 banjos. We do not know what the Imperial Naysayer intends to do with those banjos, but it would allow 666 people (note the number!) to play "Dueling Banjos" against each other simultaneously.

We believe that the Imperial Naysayer is up to No Good.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 09:15 PM

It is not Rapaire's existence I doubt, sirrah, but any smidgen of an iota of a crumb of any part of any rationale for referring to him as an Emperor. He can barely rule his own flatus half the time.

Arise, people of Mudcat, and throw off your imaginary yokes! En bas l'Empereur!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 09 Feb 17 - 11:41 AM

A proper complete title for a leader of such stature should be at least a few words long; perhaps, "Michael the Catastrophic, Emperor Raparee", with a few subtitles for use on ceremonial occasions.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 09 Feb 17 - 01:19 PM

His complete title should definitely include "priore libro tergiversatorem".

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Feb 17 - 02:40 PM

I keep hearing a subliminal voice saying, "Rapparee the In....", but it fades away before finishing the last word. All I get is "In...." It could be "Inconsequential" or "Incontinent" or "Insufferable" or any one of hundreds of possibilities. I'm pretty sure it's not trying to say, "Intelligent" or "Incredibly Handsome" or"Indescribably Delicious". But, then again, I was pretty sure Donald Trump wouldn't be elected president.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 09 Feb 17 - 04:59 PM

Oh Great Sire, an article in our local news media this morning may give some ideas about setting up your Imperial Realm:

Micro-nations of Australia

I quite like the idea of the pyramid near Boorowa, and can myself personally recommend two excellent cafés and a pub in Boorowa as it is a regular stop on the Imperial Torturer's visits to family in more southern climes.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

P.S. The private quarters of the Imperial Torturer and Spouse will be out of action for longer than anticipated, as the flood damage is worse than we first thought. It will not, however, impede the smooth running of the Imperial Oubliette.

JG

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 17 - 07:03 PM

"First Book Renegade." We rather like that.

Imperial Ignoramus, many words begin with "in." Including "innocent," "inclusive," "indulgent," "ingenious, and, of course, "ineffable."

Imperial Torturer, We thank you for the idea. Perhaps Our country of Australia would be a good place to build a pyramid. Do We need to file paperwork or can We just tell them what We are going to do? We would not want to violate any local mores.

We herein declare the Imperial Naysayer a non-person, non-thing, and non-place, but We permit him to keep his title.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 10 Feb 17 - 12:13 AM

As far as I know, Sire, you can build whatever you like on your own land provided it passes government regulations - haven't put it to the test myself.

Perhaps a chain of pyramids encircling the world would be a nice idea? It could be used for simultaneous banjo recitals.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 10 Feb 17 - 01:38 PM

'At-sa funny; for me it came out translated "former book arranger".

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 10 Feb 17 - 02:25 PM

Birthday alert!
Seems he has one tomorrow!
The Ignoramus better get busy ignoring it.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Feb 17 - 03:33 PM

The Imperial Birthday shall be dutifully ignored. I shall commence the ignoring process immediately. In fact, I shall ignore it retroactively, beginning with last Tuesday. That will constitute a full twelve days of ignoring, which is the requisite length stipulated for "Spurious Emperors" in the "Birthdays and Other Occasions One Should Have Outgrown By Now" chapter of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Ignoring".

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 17 - 10:32 PM

We find that Wonderful Things happened on February 11:

*Thomas Edison, Leo Szilard, Max Baer, Josh White, Eva Gabor, Sidney Sheldon, Lloyd Bentsen, King Farouk I, Mary Quant, Lesley Nielsen, Jeb Bush, Burt Reynolds, Cheryl Crow, and (God help Us!) Sarah Palin all share Our birth date. So too did George Washington prior to 1752.

*On this date the Empire of Japan (not nearly as nice as Ours) was founded, Emperor Claudius of Rome died or was murdered, Robert Fulton patented the steamboat, Norway declared independence, Glenn Miller was presented with the first gold record, the comic book "Archie" was first published, and China lifted a ban on the works of Aristotle, Dickens, and Shakepeare.

*Rene Descartes, Honore Daumier, Oswaldo Cruz, Sylvia Plath, Patrice Lumumba, Whitney Houston, Peter Benchley, Frank Herbert, and Leon Foucault died.

There are many more things which share Our birth date, such as the first apparition at Lourdes and Abraham Lincoln's mother being in labor. But We are renowned for Our humility and make no show of these things.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 10 Feb 17 - 11:36 PM

Imperial Sire, the great day has already dawned here (all right, so it's half way over) so the staff and inmates of the Imperial Oubliette wish to send felicitations on your Natal Day!

As we speak, the Empiratical Banjo is tuning up in the corner for their rendition of a birthday ode.

The current temperature in the Oubliette is, due to a heatwave in Oz, at somewhat hellish levels (currently 42.6 deg C, or 108.68 of your degrees) so if the banjos sound a little out of tune we humbly apologise. It's difficult to keep strings in tune in this heat.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 07:57 AM

I got "previous book shuffler".

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 08:13 AM

In honor of the event we ordered our nuclear sub fleet to continually broadcast ELF signals that sent 659 whales to escape the painful bursting of their inner ears to ground themselves with another 400 expected today in New Zealand. Torture by noise is one of your best inventions yet.

Happy post partum day Your Imperial Caesar Imperator Lucius Aelius Aurelius Antoninus Commodus Augustus Pius Beatus Sarmaticus Maximus Germanicus Maximus Britannicus Maximus, Pax Orbis, Invictus, Utanus Herculaeus, Pontifex Maximus, Patria Patriae, Amazonius Fortunatus, Consul for the Seventh Time, Kahuna for the Eighth Time, Tribune for the Eighteenth Time and Rapitus holder pf the keys of Cayman.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 08:14 AM

HAPPIES ATCHYA BUD!

Subject: Rappy Birthdate!
From: Severn
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 10:50 AM

"Rappy Birthday To You" (a traditional Rap Air) will be sung joyfully throughout the land. However any parodies will be classified as an "Extraditional Air" and the singers and composers will be dealt with in the extraditional way and said works destroyed.It will be Parodies Lost, as they shall be banished from parodies and be thrown outside of the garden gate by whatever Gardening Angel guardin' the gate at the time. The gatekeeper will see to it that the offender maintains a steady gait in the direction of Far Away From Here in full realization that "NOBODY can beat the Rap".......

The Future has arrived and all presents shall now be passed, both Rapped and unwrapped and be given our rapt attention. To those who wrote "Many Happy Returns" on the card, His Emptitude has issued a warning that everything should work, fit or be the right color the first time.

A pie is brought out with four and twenty blackbirds singing the aforementioned Imperial Birthday Anthem to banjo accompaniment. and "The Emp", older and hopefully wiser, roars to the waiter and the chef, "TAKE IT BACK! It's not DONE yet!.... Uh....I mean the song itself was quite well done, but OFF WITH THEIR HEADS anyway, (as well as their feathers for that matter), and bring it back when it's ready. It does SMELL quite delicious, with a delicate essence, like those made in delicatessens."......

"While we are waiting, BRING ON THE DANCING GIRLS!.........

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 11:55 AM

For dancing girls, I am willing to put the ignoring of The Imperial Natal Day on hold. Especially if this young lady is going to be there.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 01:05 PM

I clicked that link, Rap. It froze my computer. I clicked cancel 4 times and it played anyway on the 4th cancel. Now I gotta do a virus scan and check for downloaded unwanted apps.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 06:44 PM

With the heat in Oz, I figure not only the banjo strings, but the very banjo-head, must be in trouble...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Feb 17 - 12:50 PM

Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee, by whatever title Frogprince chooses for you, and in the aftermath of your anniversary,
I bow to you.
On this your Birthday, you and you alone found Ken Lonnquist's video from Harborfest 1990 of himself singing his own song, "He Didn't Eat His Broccoli." And you provided a link from my Remember the Broccoli thread, validating the original post and indeed the whole of the modest thread.
Imperious Rex, you made someone else's bad day a lot happier. All honor and praise be yours.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 17 - 10:03 PM

We had an extraordinary natal anniversary, staying home coughing and eventually We went out to dine. Then We came back and as they say around here, "Laid low."

Imperial Torturer, it was not difficult. We did spend many years "looking things up."

We thank everyone for their good wishes. Those in the oubliette can now be flushed.

The results of the contest will be announced shortly.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Feb 17 - 12:09 PM

I am sorry that you all think of me as the torturer. I will try to amend my ways.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 13 Feb 17 - 03:49 PM

keberoxu. Don't mind him. He get's mixed up. Just had ANOTHER Bday so....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Feb 17 - 05:51 PM

I would like to express my sincere and heartfelt thanks to all the folks who have not posted to this thread for the last week. Being the Imperial Ignoramus (He Who Ignores) is a hard job to do alone. It's much easier when everybody else chips in. Together, we have successfully ignored this thread for seven days! Give yourselves pats on the back* and well-earned rounds of applause.

*The Imperial Torturer may wish to put the cat-o-nine-tails down before attempting to pat herself on the back.


Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Feb 17 - 12:28 AM

Bee-dubya-ell, we now have a new cat-o'-nineteen tails. Instead of knots at the business end of the ropes we have sharp little spiky blades. They get the job done quicker and more efficiently, and besides which - you wouldn't believe how much fun they are to use!

As damage to the Imperial Torturer and Spouse's living quarters are still being assessed from last month's flood, we are taking our fun where we can get it. There is, however, an upside to having no carpet......there is no need to worry about removing stains. Some miscreants leave a bit of a mess in the Oubliette and, try as we may, it isn't always possible to wipe one's shoes completely. The former carpet always showed unfortunate marks.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Feb 17 - 09:19 AM

We shall announce the results of the Imperial Flattering Name contest as soon as those of a degrading or scurrilous nature have been weeded out, along with those who made those submissions.

No, keberoxu, We do not think of you as the Imperial Torturer. That position has already been taken by Jennie G., but if you wish you might apply to her for an apprenticeship.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 17 - 05:54 PM

Or, failing that, Chief Disabuser, iconoclast and Imperial Parade Rainer.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Feb 17 - 07:11 PM

Our Subjects!

Your Emperor must again put Himself into the hands of barber-surgeons. Thursday next We will present Our self so that Our Imperial Left Bicep can be rejoined with Our Imperial Radius And Ulna.

We do this as an example of forbearance and strength in the face of pain for you, Our subjects. Please let Our good example show you what you, too, could do if needful.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Feb 17 - 09:49 PM

Yikes, Sire! Those barber surgeons are getting their pound of flesh from you lately!

Best wishes for a speedy recovery from the indignities which will be inflicted upon you.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Feb 17 - 12:05 AM

We regret that we will not be able to ignore this thread for a couple of days due to the fortuitous arrival of the latest Tim Dorsey book on our coffee table.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus (currently on leave)
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Feb 17 - 05:15 PM

We shall awaken around 5:30 a.m. Mudcat Time, which is 3:30 a.m. Imperial Time. Then We shall awaken The Creator, as she or he does not usually awaken that early. We shall present Ourself to barber-chirurgeons two hours later, and shall undergo their knives at 9:00 a.m. Mudcat Time, which is 7:00 a.m. IT. We should be in Our Own Imperial Bed before the noon meridian IT.

Take heart from Our sufferings! We do this for you, Our subjects, and especially for the Imperial Nay-Sayer who will all too soon experience the same or worse.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Feb 17 - 10:27 PM

5.30 A.M. Mudcat time is 9.30 P.M. on the same day in the Imperial Oubliette. We're always a bit ahead of ourselves here.

Sop while you are going Under The Knife suffering unspeakable nasties we will be tucked up in our beds, sleeping the sleep of the innocent.

Some of us will be innocent, anyway.....

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Feb 17 - 12:44 PM

Thinking of His Imperial Rapness,
and hoping his Imperial barber-chirurgiens render him fit for the Norway Cruise, which would be a lovely way to take his mind off having his arm in a sling or something.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Feb 17 - 12:51 PM

His Imperial Majesty should be aware that, unlike His recent hernia surgery, the reattachment of a bicep does not require shaving of the Imperial Pubic Region. If, perchance, our Emperor should awaken to find the Imperial Scrotum to be less forested than before the procedure, He should consider it a strong indication of either incompetence or undo familiarization. Sending the attending barber-surgeons and all their assistants on a visit to the Imperial Oubliette would be appropriate.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus (currently on leave)
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Feb 17 - 03:44 PM

How to (squeekingly)address an Emperor  

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Mar 17 - 03:27 PM

I shudder, fellow imperial citizens, to think what might become of the barber-chirurgien if the splint comes off and then he says Nix to Norway Cruise. Let's hope the barber-chirurgien gets to remove that splint AND keep his head on his shoulders....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 17 - 08:42 PM

We wouldn't do that. It is far, far too quick.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Mar 17 - 02:09 PM

Emperor Emperious wrecks;

An Omen from the East.

Regarding Sir Amos, famous for his uncanny, incredibly lucky, impeccable sense of timing, It has been seen by many that he has moved from the west coast to the east. Our Royal soothsayers are in agreement that this means only one thing.

When will it be time to WARN West Coast Imperial dwellers that the obvious coming of Lord Tsunami is nigh?

We are now 124 years overdue for a west coast coastal disaster.
The royal soothsayers have agreed upon May 1st as the day the wave arrives.

When will we blow the horn of Gretchen and warn the western provinces?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Mar 17 - 08:55 PM

They can read and listen. We do not feel it necessary to do more at this time. If anyone wants to blow We suggest May 2nd.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Mar 17 - 06:00 PM

Waiting, quietly and patiently, to hear how the MD treated his imperial patient.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Mar 17 - 09:05 PM

Quite well, and We thank you for your concern. The results of Our Naming contest are in and will be posted very soon.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Mar 17 - 08:33 PM

Happy Sails to You, Imperious Rex, and Your Imperial Spouse.
By the time you get back, I might even have all of Bacchylides' original Greek data-entered on the Paean to Peace thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 17 - 02:58 PM

My people, We must away to capture Norway for Our Imperial Realm. Do not despair, as We will not forget you. A word to the Imperial Ignoramus and the Imperial Naysayer: We do not suggest that you attempt a coupe or revolution, as We have facilities to prevent such of which you have not even dreamed and We shall be checking in periodically.

The most winning title was "Emperor Rapparee, the Rapturous." Other titles will be announced after We have returned from Our campaign in Norway.



Emperor Rapparee the Rapturous             ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 12 Mar 17 - 04:13 PM

Best wishes on your foray to Norway, oh Great One!

Should you find a spare Viking or two hanging around doing nothing they are always welcome in the Imperial Oubliette. I'm sure they would have wonderfully refined ideas for the torture chamber.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)