BS: Rap for emperor

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 15 Apr 22 - 08:19 PM

Very much enjoyed reading how the Imperial Game Warden
hunted grouse, back in the day.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 22 - 12:42 AM

My subjects, never would We knowingly sever communications with you! You are Our subjects and We wish only the best for you. True, there might be a twist in the system at times, but never would We knowingly create such. Communication with you is too valuable to Us. How else can We communicate the need for additional monies to continue to make you proud of the Empire? And because there are some fences whose condition offend Our vision, fences wretched with graffiti, We must again raise taxes by 7% per month for the coming year to make this Empire in which We let you abide return to its true loveliness. We are certain that you will do this miniscule thing with gladness and enthusiasm and the offending graffiti quickly removed from the walls of Our domicile and the "artists" promptly captured and handed over to Our Imperial Torturer for the best she can arrange.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    ®   His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Mar 22 - 04:28 PM

Passed on from the Mudcat Facebook and the Game Warden's post:
it is (recently)
the anniversary of the passing of Spaw,
the Patron Saint of the Empire
(as per the Emperor's post from February 2016).

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Mar 22 - 09:14 PM

Was Emperor Rapparee behind the Mudcat going down,
I have to ask, now that it's back?

I saw the Imperial Game Warden also hunting for the Mudcat
at the Facebook page.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Mar 22 - 06:47 PM

We shall name our dragon what We please, Imperial Game Warden. Our dragon is named Cuddles because Our dragon is very cuddly. We feel that you are simply jealous, but We will be most happy to tell you where to get your own dragon.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 04 Mar 22 - 12:43 PM

Cuddles? I must, most courteously, object, to the name "Cuddles", as it is 'retired' in favour of Sgt. Renfrew of the Royal Canadian Mounted.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cykdxN0FnXM

Imperial Game Warden at your service Rex, ol' boy. Get that shootin' shoulder in shape, eh?

Aside: keberoxu, hold the lettuce... too many recalls.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Mar 22 - 08:29 PM

The Imperial Vocal Cords were only impaired for a brief time. We can still say, "You are to be taken from this place to the place of confinement and there fastened for the floor. A weight will be place upon your chest, and day by day more weights added until you either repent of your evil ways or are in such a condition that you can no longer do so. And you will be given on the first day as much water as you can drink from the source nearest the door of your place of punishment, and on the second half a loaf of moldy bread, and so continue alternating water and bread for the period you are punished. Imperial Dungeon Keeper, do your duty!"

We shall not trouble you with Our other traditional sentences.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Feb 22 - 10:46 PM

Is your imperial shoulder well enough yet
to resume dispensing justice with both hands?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Feb 22 - 01:56 PM

To answer another question (We do enjoy enlightening Our subjects, as knowledge is usually a good thing), no, We do not have a hole in a shoulder bone. We have had anchors put into the head of Our humerus to reconnect Our superscapularis muscle. Certain bony growths (non-malignant of course, as We would never permit any malignancy of any sort within Our realm) were removed. Tears in other muscles were mended, and tissue detritus was removed.

Of course, all the tissue -- even the droplets of Our imperial blood -- were preserved and placed in the Secret Imperial DNA Storage Bank so that should it happen in the future that it becomes needful that We need be cloned it can easily be done.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Feb 22 - 07:36 PM

My subjects!

The Dragon's name is "Cuddles." Cuddles lives in a little dragon castle in the Second Palace Subgarden, just west of the monument to Imperial Torturers Of The Note E#. Cuddles is fed a healthy diet of anthracite.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Feb 22 - 09:47 PM

May I ask, Imperious Rex and Most Gracious Emperor,
if you have a shoulder bone with a hole in it,
or a Holy shoulder bone?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Feb 22 - 10:41 PM

A Dragon could be a Very Useful Thing indeed. Does said Dragon have a name, or perhaps a snappy title?

keberoxu, thank you for your commiserations! All is well again now, and normal service has been resumed in the Imperial Oubliette.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Feb 22 - 08:57 PM

Just don't feed the darned Dragon out of your hand ...

'cause if you DO think you have the Dragon eating out of your hand,
best count your fingers . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Feb 22 - 08:21 PM

Our subjects!

We have now taught a Dragon to speak and to write as Our scribe. A Dragon eats less and is lower maintenance than, say, a monk. We are using Our monies better than when We used monks in Our scriptorium.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Feb 22 - 01:29 PM

We are in the process of training a Dragon at Home. It is going slowly, but then Dragons are not easily bent to One's bidding.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperiouis Rex

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Feb 22 - 07:04 PM

Belated commisseration to the Imperial Torturer
after the booster shot. That's a shame.


I hear that Imperious Rex, whilst healing one shoulder,
has employed . . . a Dragon??

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 22 - 08:13 PM

We find the needs of penguins remote from the needs of Our subject. Nonetheless, We have ordered 500,000 tonnes of pickled anchovies to be sent to Our most southern province, which are to be airdropped upon the massive herds of penguins there. Explicit instructions have been given that said anchovies are to the dropped in batches of no more that ten to avoid the fiasco Our Imperial Air Farce enacted with the drop of Christmas presents on the Imperial Orphanage a few years back.

Yes, We are slowly mending Our damaged body.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 17 Feb 22 - 07:05 PM

Penguin babies are dying off by the thousands due to over fishing their main food, anchovies. Game Warden my ass. Wait until the Emporer hears this.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 17 Feb 22 - 05:18 PM

I just saw on the news where
endangered manatees are being fed lettuce to keep them from starving.
If the Imperial Warden is behind this, kudos to you, gnu.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 17 Feb 22 - 04:33 PM

Pogey ran out, but I am still sleeping off the holiday season and Stupid Bowl. Next will be the big rain and wind storm tonight and tomorrow, followed by a flash freeze... I loaded up on supplies. Don't expect me back in The Imperial Woods for a while unless I can find a cheap mechanized woods walker. Medicare won't cover them.

Maybe I can get some of that Covid Relief money until I get my first Old Age Pension cheque in April.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 14 Feb 22 - 10:13 PM

We here in the Imperial Oubliette send all good wishes your way for a swift and speedy recovery, Sire!

Things are quiet here as your Imperial Torturer is recovering from a booster for the current plague rampaging around your (and everybody else's) realm. While we understand the need to keep ourselves protected, does that protection have to come at such a cost? It's been a long time since I have so unwell, but am now - finally and fortunately - recovering. I may even be able to pick up a needle and thread later today.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Feb 22 - 09:08 PM

Mishaps have been banned, your majesty.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 22 - 08:27 PM

Yes. It is the hand We use to dispense high and low justice, and by which We wield the Sword of State and hold the Orb. Thus the chirurgeons are aware of their fate should any mishap occur.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®            His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Feb 22 - 02:10 PM

Keep Imperious Rex in mind,
as the chirurgiens expect him shortly,
regarding repairs to one shoulder.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 21 - 05:07 PM

We shall try to engage the engaging Mr. Pollak for an Imperial Command Performance. Should he refuse We shall make it a COMMAND performance.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 08:39 PM

Thank you for the good wishes, Sire, and may they be returned many times over to Your Good Self and Empress Patricia!

During the current festive season some (all right.....more than some) hours have been expended in doing precisely not very much at all, one of which was watching videos such as these of Linsey Pollak

Perhaps Mr Pollak could be engaged to entertain during future festivities, maybe as a featured soloist with the Empiratical Banjo and Bagpipe Ensemble?

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 02:19 PM

We wish all of Our subjects, save those in the Imperial Oubliette, a Merry Christmas and a Joyous New Year.

Yes, We are to have surgery yet again, this time on the Feast of St. Valentine as far, far too many have not been vaccinated (as Our subject Edward Jenner called it) and the Hospitals are overflowing. We considered sending those to the Imperial Oubliette but decided that three weeks with a tube down their throat should be ample punishment. We shall reconsider if any survive.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®    His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 01:01 AM

Wishing His Imperious Rapturous Rex
and the Empress Patricia
a fulfilling and Happy Christmas,
even if only one imperial shoulder/arm is functional at the moment.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Dec 21 - 08:28 PM

I have observed gnu out and about
although what he is doing about the Imperial Game is anybody's guess.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Dec 21 - 05:16 PM

May your Imperial Rapturous Rex live in health for many more years,
as it isn't nearly as much fun
without your Self getting up to mischief below the line.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 06 Dec 21 - 05:14 AM

Well - quelle bummer, Sire! Our best wishes for a speedy and complete recovery.

So glad you enjoyed the Portsmouth Sinfonia. We here are very familiar with the works of Florence Foster Jenkins, indeed the thought of Madame Jenkins possibly performing as a solo artiste with the Portsmouth Sinfonia has us all agog......although we know it would be a physical impossibility, Madame Jenkins sadly having departed this mortal coil many years before the formation of said orchestra.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 21 - 02:16 PM

WE find the Portsmouth Sinfonia to be quite excellent and they will be featured at both Our Christmas and New Year's Balls. All of those attending will be again requested to wear mourning. We will again this year entertain the inhabitants of Our Imperial Oubliette with the songs of Florence Foster Jenkins. We require the Imperial Torturer to insure that she and all of her staff completely block their hearing.

Our right shoulder was injured on the 21st of last month when we fell on the stairs in Our Imperial Hoosier Lodge whilst on Our Autumn Journey of Visitations. Our chirurgeons will determine the extent of Our injuries and decide what they think best, and then We will decide upon a treatment.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 04 Dec 21 - 10:16 PM

In that case, my work here is done!

There are more gems from the same orchestra on youtube in case your ribs need more tickling.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Dec 21 - 09:11 PM

O Imperial Torturer, you have left me with tears of laughter in my eyes
and my tummy hurts.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 04 Dec 21 - 05:05 PM

Sire - I have found an orchestra for the Banjo and Bagpipe Ensemble to emulate. Here is a festive offering which could, perhaps, be presented (oops, nearly typed 'resented') at the traditionsl New Year concert,

Portsmouth Sinfonia

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Dec 21 - 01:23 PM

I hear reports concerning an imperial rotator cuff
following a fall on concrete steps?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Nov 21 - 01:53 PM

In a neighboring realm, Emporers are absent but for their sports betting entities they do have Ceasars, Kings and strongmen.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Nov 21 - 06:29 PM

We do not suggest tone-deaf players, as they will inadvertently play in tune and obviate Our intent.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Nov 21 - 12:06 AM

You might add accordion to that list of torture devices. IMHO.

Imperial Mudelf {Æ}

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 18 Nov 21 - 10:43 PM

Those in the Imperial Oubliette go down on their knees in thankfulness every day for their good fortune in having such a wonderful leader!

The Imperial Torturer is still getting her head around a bagpipe and banjo ensemble, but as The Great One has suggested it we thought it worth a try.

That flood of biblical proportions could yet happen.......forecast is for rain, rain and a bit more rain......

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Nov 21 - 08:17 PM

How will you observe Thanksgiving in this Your realm?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Nov 21 - 10:04 PM

Yes, We provided them for Our people to enjoy.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®            His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Nov 21 - 08:01 AM

Natural Fireworks

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 21 - 10:43 AM

WE defend Our empire. Any proud boys and girls are members in good standing in this, Our Imperial Realm. Anyone who attempts to overthrown Our Reign and Realm shall be sent to Imperial Oubliette's sub-sub-basement to be dealt with at the whims of Our Imperial Torturer. We might suggest a continuous feed of bad banjo and bagpipe duet music, but We have faith in the judgement of the Imperial Torturer.

Emperor Rapparree, Imperious Rex      ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Nov 21 - 09:28 AM

By all means there will be no mention of succession however there have been rumors of evil talk about elections. Let me be clear, we have 20,000 Proud Boys and Girls standing by to issue death threats to anyone suspected of seditious election speech.
Protector of the Empire. Donuel Webster Blagg Jr.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 10 Nov 21 - 08:12 PM

The Imperial Torturer and Spouse are keeping a close eye on the weather as a crap ton (or, if you prefer, a shit load) of rain is forecast for the next few days, starting from later today. It is raining lightly as we speak, and it has rained over the past week anyway, so things are a little soggy right now.

Deserving miscreants are being moved to slightly - only very slightly - higher ground, while the less deserving are being left where they are.

Fortunately the living quarters of your Torturer and Spouse, and the resident Geriatric White Cat, are high and dry.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 10 Nov 21 - 07:26 PM

Where did most everybody go?

The Imperial Torturer is ever faithful,
a living reproach to the rest of us.
Although, I must allow,
the Imperial Mudelf is never far away either.

But good heavens:
the Minister of De Fence,
the vice emperor,
the Game Warden,
the Imperial Ignoramus,
Churl One,
the Imperial Quoter ...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Nov 21 - 10:41 AM

For ascention and coronation details call me at 202-698-3942
Emperors on Demand.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Nov 21 - 05:42 PM

Your Education minister's eyes are lowered ...
I was unaware of Your Imperious Highness's connection to the Knights of Columbus.

Can you really knight an emperor?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 21 - 08:53 PM

Yes, We both must isolate. This does not mean that We cannot perform the functions needful to run this Empire. It means that you may not see Us as We do. But because you do not see Us, remember that We are there.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®      His Mark