BS: Rap for emperor

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 19 - 08:54 PM

Imperial Torturer, please make not of the act of rebellion in the immediately preceding post. Please kindly and gently warn the poster of the consequences of rebellion and, especially, of the misuse of grammatical constructs.

We thank you.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 17 Oct 19 - 07:50 PM

Subjects, Hell! We don't even seem to qualify as predicates of late. The way we've been left alone and ignored, you'd almost think we were gerunds.....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 17 Oct 19 - 07:48 PM

That's good to hear, O Most Noble Sire! How are things in the Royal Palace?

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 19 - 06:44 PM

We are not ignoring this thread, nor you, Our subjects.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex             ®       His mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 15 Oct 19 - 10:36 PM

That is sad news......loving thoughts being sent to gnu, who seems like a very nice bloke.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 15 Oct 19 - 09:14 PM

Positive thoughts being thought for those closest to the deceased, as well as for gnu, one of the finest of Mudcatters.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 15 Oct 19 - 07:40 PM

His Imperial Majesty's Head Game Warden,
Mudcat's Gnu,
is quietly convalescing
after a loss in his family;
kindly think positive thoughts on his behalf.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Jul 19 - 05:43 PM

Rap City in Blue?

We could check this out with the
vice emperor
and the
Imperial Game Warden
(peacocks).

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 02 Jul 19 - 10:41 AM

Jennie,
That w multiple deaths of the majority of the birds....

Not to be confused with the Wrung-Necked Peasant, a different endangered species altogether and reportedly less tasty.....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 02 Jul 19 - 10:22 AM

Your Mexican Jumping Beanse Beans have more sense of rhythm than most shaky egg players. The great thing is that stage mics seldom pick up the sound of them anyway, so that you have people on stage looking contented and busy, but usually can be making a visual effect rather than a sound effect.If someone requests a little more shaky egg to the sound man, you in the audience just hope and pray th "shakist", "Egger On" or however one describes such people knows what they're doing......

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jul 19 - 03:25 AM

The Florabama Lounge, an infamous beach bar near The Imperial Ignoramus's humble homestead, hosts an annual Mullet Toss, wherein contestants vie to see who can throw a mullet the greatest distance. There are some who say the Mullet Toss does not qualify as a Game of Thrown since a mullet is considered a food fish, but not a game fish. Those people have obviously never smelled a two-day-old mullet, which is quite gamy indeed.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus Etc.
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 02 Jul 19 - 02:44 AM

Severn......

If the Thrown Bird did not survive, would that be murder most fowl?

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 30 Jun 19 - 10:25 PM

For better or worse, no place ever is, for some reason.....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 29 Jun 19 - 07:47 PM

Ah, Severn,
the place has not been the same without you.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 29 Jun 19 - 12:13 PM

We could have a contest to determine how far a pea fowl could be thrown, live or dead, kind of the Game (Bird) of Thrown, made required weekly viewing on KRAP, the official Faux News Network outlet. If we can find a way of keeping them from making any noise, we can keep a few of the birds around for decorations, but they emit a noise that makes the screams from Jenny G's torture chamber sound like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. A few of the overly vain peacocks to look beautiful to the people and a few of the more drab pea hens to look beautiful to the peacocks. If three get to be too many of them, just as in the case of the late Mr. Dumpty, all the kings horses and men shall have omelets or we donate any surplus offspring to The Games......

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 Jun 19 - 09:27 AM

The only throne truly worth of being sat upon by His Most Imperious Imperiousness.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 28 Jun 19 - 10:55 PM

Oh Most Gracious Sire, here are a cuple of options for your consideration:

Kingly throne

Or my personal favourite:

King Ludwig II of Bavaria throne

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Jun 19 - 09:51 PM

We have no intention of sitting upon one or more peacocks.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 28 Jun 19 - 08:28 PM

I like it.

Will it have a Peacock Throne?

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 28 Jun 19 - 11:31 AM

What is the worth of a squatter on Imperial Lands? Will there be an official redefining of "Squatters' Rights?.

Also, take into mind what many people do in emergencies while they squat. I would hope that the results would not be used as currency, even if left to harden for awhile. People would be saying things like,

"Yer squat ain't shit an' yer shit ain't squat!" y

....though it can be used as fertilizer. Since animals do it regularly, and even the Pope has been known to shit in the woods, there would be danger of counterfeiting.Banks would be places to "get your shit togerhet. There would be problems enforcing Law and Odor with both savings and spending, deposits and withdrawals (or even withdrawal symptoms) or in times of panic, a run on the banks. Would Imperial Squat be worth more than Common Squat? What about the squat of the elderly? Depends, I guess.....


For a welcome change of subject, since our neighbors over in the Land of Oz have their beautiful green Emerald City for their capital, why should we be outdone. I propose a new and equally colorful capital named for our Beloved Emporer, "Rap City In Blue"......

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Jun 19 - 10:41 AM

During a recent fit of pondering*, it occurred to The Imperial Ignoramus that, to the best of his admittedly limited knowledge, there is no official Imperial currency. We therefore suggest that the Squat be adopted as the default Currency Of the Realm.

The Squat would be an appropriate medium of exchange for The Empire because having Squat and not having Squat mean exactly the same thing. A handful of Squat and a dump truck full of Squat are of identical value. They're both worth nothing.

Consider the savings the Imperial Treasury would accrue by adopting the Squat as Imperial currency versus adopting some other currency that has "real" value. Since a Squat is of no value, there would be no need to mint or print physical coins or bills (unless The Emperor should choose to produce limited runs of worthless coins to toss to street urchins and/or buxom female subjects during Imperial Parades). There wouldn't even be any need to create spreadsheets detailing the digital transfer of Squats from one account to another since all such accounts would be empty. Computer resources could, therefore, be put to more valuable uses like viewing pictures of kittens, puppies, and overpriced guitars and banjos.

We further suggest that the denominations in which Squats are issued be:

The Squat, having a value of one Squat
The Pi-Squat, having a value of 3.1415926535897932384626433... Squats
The Diddley-Squat, having a value of a brand new house by the roadside made outta rattlesnake hide



* Fitful pondering is part of the Imperial Ignoramus's official job description. To quote from the Official Document of Investiture:

"The Imperial Ignoramus shall, from time to time, devote a portion of his so-called attention to pondering stupid things beyond the ken of those in possession of a sound mind."

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jun 19 - 10:12 PM

We concur with the Imperial Torturer.

Make it so.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 24 Jun 19 - 04:57 PM

BWL - I think we are on to something here as regards fingers and eggs, etc. Tiny toe bones could also be pressed into service, yes?

The possibilities are becoming endless.....

I have added "giving a shaky egg to a child at a music session" and playing instruments without asking first" to the list of Unforgivable Crimes.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Jun 19 - 01:25 AM

Making shaky eggs using finger bones is an excellent idea, Imperial Torturer. Ideally, they should be made from the finger bones of adults who distribute shaky eggs to children at jam sessions and encourage them to "join in" while serious musicians are attempting to play.

Alternatively, they could be made from the finger bones of drunks who attempt to play one of my instruments without permission.

Bee-dubya-ell aka Mister Bones
Imperial Ignoramus, Creator of Fine Ossuaries, Purveyor of Shaky Egg Rattles
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Jun 19 - 05:50 PM

Now,
why does that bring to mind
that staple of useless trinkets for sale,

the Mexican jumping bean?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 23 Jun 19 - 05:25 PM

You are a fortunate person.

They are small egg-shaped percussion instruments which are held between the fingers and thumb and shaken in time to the music. In the hands of a proper percussionist they add to the rhythm, but in the hands of someone else they are out of time and add nothing to the tune at all.

In other words, they can be an instrument for the instrumentally challenged and would add a great deal to the Imperial Banjo Ensemble!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Jun 19 - 04:27 PM

I still don't know what "shaky eggs" are.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 20 Jun 19 - 06:24 PM

Hopefully it can be heard in the Imperial Oubliette, Severn! Sounds like a rollicking good program.

BWL - thank you for the offer of small bones, which is much appreciated. They will make excellent tuning pegs, and also percussion instruments for the smaller-handed of the miscreants. I have the idea to put several little finger bones in a bag which is then sewn by string or sinew to close the opening.....it would make an alternative to the ubiquitous shaky egg.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 20 Jun 19 - 11:37 AM

Until I read up on what's been happening while I've been dealing with assorted medical mishaps and other things, I'll give you all a Severnn fix by giving you all to a link to a radio show I will be doing tomorrow June 21th from the USA at 8-10am EST (5hours later than UK time) on WOWD community radio in Takoma Park MD, where I will have as my in-station guests Rob Van Sante,singer, multi-instrumentalist, producer and duet partner on recordings with Alan Reid (of Battlefield Band game and Janie Meneely, bard of the Chesapeake) and John Connolly, writer of "Fiddler's Green" , "Ranter's Wharf" and other classic songs. The station is streamable worldwide, including within The Empire, by going to.   takomaradio.org   and checking the schedule for "Ballads In The Morning" .If you miss the original broadcast, it will be archived to the public for two weeks after the initial broadcast. I am one of four rotating hosts for this show, as well as co-host of"The Blues Come Calling presenting the best of Blues and Blues related music from the 1920s and 1930s on alternate Tuesdays from --8pm with our next show this coming Tuesday. Hopefully Radio Free Rap will pick up the show and no longer be radio-free.....

Thanks for missing me.This will prove that I'm still in range and you'll have another shot or two.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Jun 19 - 12:21 PM

come back, Severn !

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Jun 19 - 03:44 PM

Yes, Imperial Torturer JennieG, connecting a knee bone to an ankle bone is Step 5 of the instructions for creating that chandelier. Step 7 is "Connect jawbone to hipbone."

By the way, we anticipate having more little finger bones than will be needed for ossuary creation. I expect they would make excellent tuning pegs for fiddles, banjos and ukuleles. Let me know if you can make use of a few bags full/.

Bee-dubya-ell aka Mister Bones
Imperial Ignoramus and Creator of Fine Ossuaries
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 Jun 19 - 01:20 PM

Dry Bones and Banjos! Now, there's a combination.
Sounds like the makings of
a New Orleans rhythm section.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 14 Jun 19 - 12:30 AM

Wowsers......that ossuary sure beats the heck out of a chandelier made from deer antlers, BWL! Way to go!

Adds a whole new interpretation when singing "Dem Bones"......

The knee bone's connected to the ankle bone......

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jun 19 - 09:54 PM

We allow you, Imperial Ignoramus and Ossuary, to work out the details of redecorating the Imperial Oubliette with Our Imperial Torturer. For the time being We have decided that an Imperial Abattoir is not needed.

The correct Title of Address for Our Imperial Ignoramus and Ossuary shall henceforth be "Mister Bones."

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Jun 19 - 12:31 PM

Oubliette and Ossuary go together nicely.

Maybe the Imperial Abattoir should be separate from the Oubliette,
however closely related the two may be.

Where in the world is Severn when you need him?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jun 19 - 10:44 AM

In fact, since The Imperial Oubliette is in dire need of remodeling, perhaps converting it into a dual purpose oubliette/ossuary would be appropriate. Why spend extra funds from the Imperial Treasury burying expired miscreants in nameless paupers' graves when their skeletal remains could be incorporated into an imaginative decor scheme complete with nifty architectural features ?   


Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus and Creator of Fine Ossuaries
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jun 19 - 10:47 PM

Thanks for the new gig, Your Emperorship, but I'm not really sure how to fulfill the requirements of the job. An ossuary is a final resting place for human bones. They are used in places where burial space is limited. Bodies are buried in graves for a few years, then the bones are dug up and placed in an ossuary so others can use the graves. I'm having a hard time working out how anyone can be an ossuary.

However, if what you're looking for is someone to make osuaries, I'm your man! No bones about it! One like THIS would be a real hoot to make.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus and Creator of Fine Ossuaries
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 19 - 03:41 PM

Because of his interest, We hereby name the Imperial Ignoramus as the Concomitant Imperial Ossuary. Henceforth his title shall be "Imperial Ignoramus And Ossuary." His mark, given by Us, shall not change.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jun 19 - 11:44 PM

Why does the word "ossuary" always sound like it should be the third month of the year, after January and February, and not just a boxful of bones?

"Beware the Ides of Ossuary!"

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Jun 19 - 07:23 PM

Why is it that the word abattoir
always brings to mind the corrida,
the Spanish bullring?

I'm not sure that Imperious Rex
wants anybody around hollering "Toreador!"

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 11 Jun 19 - 10:20 AM

Aww Moab the home of uranium or uranass. We go there in the kingdom for free X-rays to see what ails us or is it ales us. Nothing better than a good brew in the morning

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jun 19 - 06:24 AM

♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫

Playing my guitar
In an abattoir
Tried to write a song
But I didn't get too far

♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫


Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 11 Jun 19 - 12:43 AM

Could be a bit messy......and there is the need for trained staff?

At present anyone can find employment in the Imperial Oubliette, but should it transmogrify into the Imperial Abattoir there could be a requirement for butchering skills that, at present, is sadly lacking.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jun 19 - 09:07 PM

We have returned to Our abode. Our sojourn to the realms of the Ancients was quite pleasant.

We have been considering a change in the Imperial Oubliette. Perhaps it should be changed to an Imperial Abattoir. We would appreciate the Imperial Torturer's thoughts on this.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 10 Jun 19 - 12:01 PM

And further,
it is reported regarding this visit
that the Imperial Ignoramus
has an extraordinary parcel being shipped his way
pertinent to said artifacts -- good heavens.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 May 19 - 03:10 PM

I HATE moon roofs. They lower the ceiling inside.

Our Great Emperor,
after a visit to Moab/MOAB,
is headed for the southwestern US,
rather far from his home,
where he will study artifacts from
civilizations that existed there
before Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 28 May 19 - 10:28 PM

Lol yes that is a problem

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 May 19 - 09:07 PM

My wife's SUV has what's called a "moon roof", but I'm damned if I can figure out how to get my ass up high enough to stick it out of the thing.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 28 May 19 - 08:26 PM

Alas As of now I am sitting on my moon side catching small mouth bass without a lass

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 28 May 19 - 08:23 PM

By royal decree mooning is a form of acceptable behavior in the kingdom