BS: Rap for emperor

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 01:59 PM

Now word is out that
in January 2018
the barber-chirurgiens will treat
an Imperial Vein or two.

Shudder.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 19 Dec 17 - 04:35 PM

A true classic, oh Great Sire!

Best wishes for the festive season to your Mighty Self and others in your household, especially Princess Patricia.

Your Imperial Torturer and Himself moved back to their living quarters yesterday, slightly spartan quarters to be sure, but still home. Very little furniture (any which escaped the flood is in storage awaiting new carpet to be laid but we have a bed, two easy chairs, and a small dining table and chairs), bare concrete floors, and a kitchen which will be majorly repaired after the coming Yule season. However it is still home, and we are grateful to be here, and Bianca The White Cat (who comes in handy to annoy any miscreants suffering from allergies) is very happy to be with us once again.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Dec 17 - 03:38 PM

The Best of the Season to you, Imperious Rex,
and to your happily recovering Imperial Spouse.
... and your siblings, and nieces, etc etc

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Dec 17 - 08:39 PM

We have been in some pain, off and on, since We submitted Ourself to the care of a barber-surgeon. Our left wrist is scarred, it looks for all the world as if We had tried to slash Our wrist and did it wrong (as if We could or would do that). There is also a scar on the outside of Our left arm which is about six inches, or 15.24 centimeters, long. A repair of something called "carpal tunnel syndrome" was done and Our ulnar nerve had to be repositioned in Our arm.

But We are doing well, and should events transpire that We cannont extend the greetings of the season at the proper time, we offer you this song.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 17 Dec 17 - 02:28 PM

Greetings, JennieG,
how goes the restoration of your home and hearth?

Imperious Rex is busy at the Mudcat Tavern of late.

Subject: RE: BS: Xmas Rapine for the emperor
From: Severn
Date: 14 Dec 17 - 03:00 PM

No mention of His trusty steed yet, but he's there in full costume w/ sword, except for his plumed hat which was knocked off by a drunken bat whose radar got jammed from liquor intake and grabbed by some rascal of a juvenile squid who ran off with it somewhere.

I'd say our tavern's resident Avenger is doing pretty well, for the shape he's in....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Dec 17 - 03:46 PM

How heartening it is,
that his Imperious Rapness
is reporting by tablet
to this year's Christmas Tavern,
with a giant wombat in residence.

Painful incisions, or no painful incisions.
(That thing on the elbow, jeez!)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Dec 17 - 12:00 PM

Well, JennieG,
this is a holiday season for the record books for you.

May you live long enough in sound enough health
to look back on this year
and make an entertaining story out of it,
with friends to laugh along with you.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 10 Dec 17 - 01:05 AM

Ah - no, sadly. We were due to move back home on Wednesday 13th Dec but more damage has been found in the kitchen, thanks to two incompetent blokes sent at different times by the insurance company (one an assessor, the second a builder) who, when asked by Himself and I, "would it be an idea to check behind the dishwasher? there seems to be a drip in the cupboard next to it" answered "oh no, that won't be needed." Turned out there was dater damage and mould between back of cupboards and walls, so now the bottom kitchen cupboard cupboards may have to be be replaced and also some of the wall..

I have saved Special Places for them in the dungeon, believe me.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Dec 17 - 10:56 PM

Well, it's a good sign that the Imperial Splint was no longer needed.
But the description of those incisions left me speechless.
Utterly at a loss for words. except ooooooooh.

And then, at some stage,
is there going to be physical rehab?    More ouch.   

JennieG,
it was good to hear that you were back under your own roof.
No longer in a hotel?

Subject: RE: BS: Rope for im-peacher
From: Severn
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 10:37 PM

While you are at it, I've got a sofa that needs re-covering.......

I hope they taught you to heal in obedience school.....

"I could use one of those Carpal tunnels for my goldfish to swim through", thought Severn with a koi smile......

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 10:12 PM

We are recovering.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rust for whimperers
From: Severn
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 07:15 PM

Then we will give him our unwrapped attention.......

I hope the tortured ones have had their Tetanus Shots. The corrosion does add a certain rustic touch, I'd think.......

Rust never sleeps, so luckily, at least it doesn't snore. Cold comfort, I know........

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 02:54 PM

The splint came off, according to Imperious Rex.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 12:28 AM

Thank you, Donuel, though I someho managed to misspell "Elvis".

I'm sorry you can't get the WOWD94.3 FM signal once you get into Aspen Hill (where I used to live but my ex still does.....sigh!.....), but if you and the rest of the Empire go to takomaradio.org then we are streamable worldwide and I'll be taking my turn this morning Friday December 8th from 8-10 am at hosting "Ballads In The Morning", doing some holiday and winter music this time out. I do that show once a month, but I'll be co-hosting "The Blues Comes Calling" on this coming Tuesday and every alternate Tuesday. from 6-8 pm. I have no idea what the official radio voice of the Empire is, but this is my non-paying hobby at the moment.

By the way, did you folks see the photo of how some medic did a wrap for our Emperor? He's apparently been driving the carpools through the tunnel again against doctor's orders. He's got an ace wrapped part way up his left sleeve, even though he already wins all poker games he's involved in by decree.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 17 - 09:46 PM

Rusted chains and shackles yield to WD40, and some chemicals which convert the rust into hematiite. But there's a certain charm to being tortured with rusty equipment, of course--it adds to the ambience,doncha know. So I suggest the Torturer make haste slowly.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Dec 17 - 09:22 PM

WHAHOO Severn that was like a difficult mandolin solo.
I've never captured the tone and spirit of this thread like you guys.
Your station works great on the Pike but fades at Aspen.

Iceland again?

Fishin off the coast of Iceland I caught an old fish and pulled it tight against the side of the boat with a hook digging into him. He was old with flapping scales like tar paper flapping in the water. Even barnacles had glued themselves to his belly. fast closing bright red bloody gills and fluttered while I looked into his eye larger than mine as though silver foil was behind the lens. His mouth had three lines still stuck to old hooks like white whiskers that told old stories of how he broke free three times.
His eye didn't look into mine but stared at the sea.
I cut line.
Rap yelled "what happened".
I couldn't explain why I let him go.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Dec 17 - 07:56 PM

Ah, Severn, the Mudcat isn't the same without you.

Do YOU know somebody who could help Imperial Torturer JennieG
with the rusted chains and shackles?

Subject: RE: BS: Wrap for Wimperor
From: Severn
Date: 05 Dec 17 - 06:04 PM

The Rodent Regent seems more powerful than Howdy, but I tend to respond when Doody calls I expect them both as capable (Mighty Mouse was more capable, but then he had a cape. He loses points for constantly singing Opera, though) of fronting a puppet regime, but I was never buffaloed by whoever was pulling the strings.

Besides, Howdy's show featured Captain Kangaroo back before he was even a First Looie before he went to OCS as the original Clarabelle, working without Annette to fall back on (Princess Summerfall Winterspring was royalty and off limits, lent out to a King for an Elves Movie, but untouchable by mere mortals).. Unlike in Disney's world, he didn't even get a girlfriend with which to settle down and raise nephews and nieces with and beffore every show, they made sure he didn't have any "alky" in his seltzer bottle. The seltzer bottle, alas was no match for the former Mortimer Mouse's club, so no wonder Bob Keeshan ran off and enlisted.

But in the end, I'd rather be slipped a Howdy than a Mickey....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Dec 17 - 02:47 PM

Hope that Imperious Rex received the proper imperial treatment
from his barber-chirurgiens yesterday.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 02 Dec 17 - 08:11 PM

Vice Imperial Something olddude is bound to know a blacksmith.

Didn't George Frederic Handel write about a harmonious blacksmith? Ours could chime in time.

Any takers? The job is vacant.....much like the brain of your Imperial Torturer right now because a couple of builder blokes are drilling something loud and shrill not far from her delicate ears while they prepare new bathroom cupboards to replace the flood-sodden ones.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Dec 17 - 06:29 PM

Maybe Mudcatter Gnu, Rap's Imperial Game Warden,
knows a blacksmith.
Or knows somebody who knows a blacksmith.
Then again we could ask
Mudcatter olddude the vice-imperial something.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 01:39 PM

What?
No Aussie blacksmiths?!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 27 Nov 17 - 08:46 PM

Thank you for those kind words, keberoxu......yes, fortunately it's quite warm.

How about it, Great Sire? Can we advertise for a blacksmith? Brawn and muscles required, brains preferred, skill and knowledge of the craft are essential. I'm sure we can find a space for a forge with attached living quarters.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 27 Nov 17 - 03:09 PM

keb, the spirit of this thread I believe is playing with medieval concepts in a modern manner but Hurray for your empathy.
Its OK to post to the wrong thread, it hardly ever matters

The real intent may be Imperial Rapparree/Rapier ego worship.
not that there is anything wrong with that...Heck it what Donald lives for.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Nov 17 - 02:48 PM

Amos, that was EDIFICE, not orifice.

JennieG, that IS a good question:
does this, Rapparee's realm, have its own Blacksmith / ankle-shackle-breaker?

So sorry, truly, to hear about your home being flooded.
Hope you can keep your spirits up
while the problems are being dealt with.
At least, this is a season of warmth where you are located.

(a flooded home up HERE at this time?
with subfreezing temps at night? Horrors ... )

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Nov 17 - 06:17 PM

The Imperial Hand - rocks the cradle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=de_gJqkbPt4

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Nov 17 - 04:28 PM

Frogprince, nice of you to come over and say hello.
Are you still the Minister of De Fence, or is that somebody newer?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 26 Nov 17 - 02:17 PM

If he really has no clothes, he might want to check out Bare Mountain Resort in the Boise area.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 17 - 09:18 AM

I am flattered--or would be if I gave Rapparree any credence ata ll--at being included in the Imperial zoo, and with such distinguished companions. But I must decline. I cannot in good conscience accept the title of Imperial Naysayer, anymore than I could accept the post of Messiah of the Jews, since I sincerely, devoutly and loudly disbelieve in Emperors and godheads of various sorts.

I urge all those infesting this flea-bitten court to rise up, cast off the shining chains of pusillanimous supplicantism and stand for yourselves, each one proud in his own fiery ability to see and speak truth. I assure you, it will soon be clear that this pot metal Emperor, this ersatz, pompous scalawag of a ne-er-do-well tyrant, has no clothes at all.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 25 Nov 17 - 11:52 PM

Thank you for those kind commiserations, Oh Great Imperial Sire! It is indeed a bugger, to be sure.....two floods just nine months apart, and both happened while The Imperial Torturer and Spouse were disporting themselves at musical events. Do you think there is a message in this?

Looking on the bright side, all miscreants suffered pruney feet in this last flood and are now paying the price in itchies. Ankle chains have rusted shut and are unable to be opened without assistance from the Imperial Blacksmith, do we even have one of those? Looks like a good job opportunity for a bright lad or laddess, yes?

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 17 - 10:16 PM

Ah, yes. Amos, the Imperial Naysayer, has placed his two groatsworth upon this, Our Imperial record. This fledgling, this unlicked cub, this dribbler in his second childhood when his first has not yet begun, this mewling and qualling coxcomp, this dankish pumpion, this unnamed archboard, this baggywrinkle, would instruct Us! Aroint thee, I. N.! You can lob insults like cannonballs, but your aim is faulty.

We can but commiserate with the Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble in her inundation, as We too have experienced such (unlike the inexperienced Imperial Naysayer). We extend Our hope that no greater damage has been done that what is immediately apparent.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®    His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Nov 17 - 10:41 AM

While it is true that Howdy-Doody was never elevated to the status of emperor, it was more a matter of luck than aptitude. Howdy had at least as much leadership ability as Mickey Mouse, and that irritating rodent now controls film studios, television networks, a fleet of cruise ships, and most of Central Florida.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Amos
Date: 24 Nov 17 - 09:36 AM

Bah, and also Humbug. If there is anyone hereabouts suffering from an inundation of orifices it is this straw-man who would be imperial, but is merely imperious in the most nettlesome and jejune manner.

The creature you have raised up is childish , a green and unripe prepubescent mind, a puerile monger of kidstuff and child's play, an unsophisticated, unseasoned, wet-behind-the-ears diaper-wearing undergrown, unformed, unfinished, imperfect runt of a collywobble, a bewildered and addle-pated spirit lost in the worlds of real human beings.

He has no more claimed to empire than Howdy-Doody, whom he closely resembles.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 24 Nov 17 - 03:11 AM

I can't read through all this again. Remind me - whose faeces ended up on the coinage?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Nov 17 - 08:14 PM

Wishing for The Most High and Mighty Princess Patricia, Royal Empress, and for Imperious Rex Himself,
a happier and healthier holiday season
than the one that they survived at this time one year ago.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 22 Nov 17 - 10:21 PM

O! Rapturous Ravenous Rex, sir!

Give heed to Imperial Torturer, JennieG, sir,
for there has been another inundation of her edifice,
by her latest post.

Sounds as though the prisoners had to learn how to float,
if not swim . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Oct 17 - 08:11 PM

If "the bridesmaids are still trying to figure out what to do with the boots," they obviously don't live in Alabama.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 09 Oct 17 - 04:13 PM

Boot scooting - known here as "line dancing" - comes to mind.

I don't know about the rest of you, but line dancers always make me think of chickens pecking round a farmyard.

Can't you just see the bridal waltz becoming the 'bridal scoot'?

Yee har......

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Oct 17 - 10:34 AM

We were very tired from the onerous duties of State when We last posted. Our (unofficial) statement should have read, "When their brother married, the bridesmaids had to wear cowboy boots." We assure you that their brother did not marry the bridesmaids, who were his sisters. Our family has had its quirks (as all Imperial Families have had) but incestuous plural marriage is not among them. Also, the bride selected the footwear for that wedding, and the bridesmaids are still trying to figure out what to do with the boots.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Oct 17 - 04:36 PM

And what did the groom's father wear on that occasion?
I'm thinking, not black tie formal wear...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Oct 17 - 12:00 PM

When their brother married the bridesmaids had to wear cowboy boots.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Oct 17 - 11:52 AM

Yes, high-visibility neon colors are perfect for bridesmaids. After all, the prime directive of bridesmaid dress design is "Make the bride's friends look as ridiculous as possible so she'll look great by contrast."

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 08 Oct 17 - 01:16 AM

Perhaps those colours would suit the bridesmaids?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 17 - 09:35 PM

I told him that those colors would make him a better target, so he then suggested camouflage. That, too, was nixed.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Oct 17 - 12:08 AM

I think a wedding in which everyone wears high-viz safety colors would be a great idea. After all, marriage is a hazardous workplace.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 17 - 10:37 PM

Ah, good Imperial Torturer, We shall hear screams of agony on the 14th when We venture to the quaint little village of St. Louis, Missouri to see Our youngest niece wed. Not from her or from her betrothed, but from her father, Our brother Anthony, who has been made to wear formal wear, black tie formal wear in fact, for the ceremony. This is in place of his usual blue denim bib overalls, which he considers the "most comfortable clothing made." Our niece also squashed his idea of the suit in International Orange, lime green, and yellow. Our brother's wife also had some little say in the matter.

In the mean time, We commend your good work.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 06 Oct 17 - 05:57 PM

Jolly good, Sire. You're sure it wasn't just because you wanted t hear the unfiltered screams of agony for yourself?

All is well here in the Oubliette. A jolly good time is being had by all, the inmates are grateful for every crumb, and the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble has had a few new recruits lately because the odd miscreant or two has had the last of their teeth fall out.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 17 - 09:56 AM

My people, Our electronic scribe made an error earlier and has been duly chastised for it. It mentioned that with the acquisition of new territories in Our Benevolent and Benign Empire your taxes would be reduced. That should have been "your free and voluntary set contributions to Our welfare and the welfare of all." Said scribe was subjected to twenty overvoltages and the loss of power for five minutes; We do not think that it will happen again.

Imperial Torturer, We administered this punishment Ourself, as We did not want to distract you from the inestimably good rehabilitation you are doing with those in the Imperial Oubliette.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 04 Oct 17 - 07:44 PM

Or is that the Department of Overt Dunciness...