BS: Rap for emperor

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Jan 17 - 10:19 AM

I was saddened at The Imperial Game Warden's tale of the young man arrested for selling smelts. It's totally unfair. It would be a different matter if he were touting trout, pawning prawns, swapping swai, hawking herrings, or some other form of obviously self-serving alliterative fishmongery. But selling smelts?

What? He was arrested by the Department of Fisheries and Oceans? Oh.... I thought he was busted by the Poetry Police.... Never mind.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 17 - 08:59 AM

Go, and remind them that Our Imperial Torturer has some slack time now.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 24 Jan 17 - 08:46 AM

Sire! I request, and, by your leave, shall be off to Your town of Springdale, NF to meet with DFO officers for a wee chat regarding their treatment of one of your subjects, a lad of a mere twelve years old, who was earning money to build an ice fishing shack by fishing and selling smelts in Your Gander Bay South, NF. Yes... Gander Bay South. THAT far away. Apparently, the loooonnng arm of the law matches the stupidity of these fisheries wardens. My evidence is hereby given.

Respectfully and sincerely,

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter, g (my mark*).

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 17 - 09:52 PM

We are certain you will, Imperial Twain. We suggest that you search for the character map in your computer.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap 3 times 'n' say "Joe Sent Me"
From: Severn
Date: 23 Jan 17 - 09:49 PM

I give to Her Highness, the rare and coveted Tiara del Fuego. She's already living with the curse.....


OK, back to planning my radio show......



(_+_).....Hell, I'll figure it out. There must be some underline solution...."7%, right, Sherlock?"....

I like Mark Twain much better than Mark Trail. Thanks, Your Excellingcy andMarquis, as well

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 17 - 09:25 AM

No, no thank you, Imperial Torturer. She has her own, along with the shoulder-length kid gloves she wore as a young Lady growing up in Our district of the District of Columbia. You thought is kind, but it is not yet needed.

Which brings Us to the matter of Severn.

We do hereby and herein appoint Severn Our Imperial Twain and allowed to use the Mark

                      (±)

This Mark more or less denotes his qualities.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 22 Jan 17 - 03:34 PM

Severn, good to have you back. Not the same without you.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 22 Jan 17 - 07:57 AM

Wearing a Tiara, an Emperor could feel like a queen for a day.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Jan 17 - 01:10 AM

Fair enough, Sire.

But what about the Imperial Spouse, Her Most Gracious Highness the Princess Empress Patricia? Would she not like a tiara? I have one she can borrow, a gen-u-ine 1960s rhinestone number, quite a pretty thing.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Caveat for Empteror
From: Severn
Date: 22 Jan 17 - 12:10 AM

Beas wishes for a speedy and complete recovery to the Royal Spouse, Her Imperialositynessship and sorry about the ambiance of the ambulance from one who has ridden a few while marveling at the ceiling.....

Dies the Royal Speller cast spells or merely cast spellchecks? Sorry, but I've been gone for a spell, in fact, I hosted the annual Ms. Spelling Pageant, which that spoiled brat Tori won again by bribing the judges, even though she wrongly wrote Errant Spelling where it asked for her father's name.......

Your Empness, you ignore the fact that Jon is a Freeman by birth, and to keep such people out of the realm, you would have to erect a wall so strong that even Free Masons could not dis-Lodge, and they would be the only type that the treasury can afford these days. One possible solution would be to contact a splinter group that broke off from them (after trying and trying again), The Tall Seceders of Lebanon......

Yes, the coronation seems to have nearly evaporated, like so much milk. You'd have to add a lot of water and give a stirring speech.....

Since when did our leader become such a Marksist, grading us on our marks. If I have a choice, I'd request Mark Twain, that is if that twain hasn't left without me......

Let us all sing our leader's praises:

"Raparee, Rapper Rah
Rapper Rah,
Rapper Rah-ha-ha Hah-hah- hah,
Rappery, Rap her raw,
Who when he naps, sacks on his back....."

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 21 Jan 17 - 10:59 PM

"The Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown:
The Lion beat the Unicorn all around the town.
Some gave them white bread, some gave them brown:
Some gave them plum-cake and drummed them out of town." 
― Lewis Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jan 17 - 10:27 PM

We quote Romans 13:

Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? Do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same: For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil.

Thus We find neither need nor occasion for a coronation, being already crowned by the Almighty.

And further, as King T'aejo wrote:


It is heaven which created all the people of the earth, who ordained their rulers, heaven which nurtured them to share life with each other, and heaven which governed them so as to enjoy peace with one another. There have been both good and bad rulers, and there have been times when people followed their rulers willingly and other times when they turned against them. Some have been blessed with the Mandate of Heaven and others have lost it. This is the principle that has remained constant.

We have not lost The Mandate of Heaven, and We willingly wear the burden which has been yoked to Our shoulders. No mortal crown could replace the one which has already been given Us, and so no coronation, no ceremony, could make Our rule more complete or more authoritative.

But We thank you for asking.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Jan 17 - 05:22 PM

Oh Great One, the events of the past days have set me thinking:

Are you going to have a coronation? If so, who would you consider to be a suitable person to place the crown on your Most Revered Head?

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Jan 17 - 04:18 PM

Jon Freeman, your earlier post about kitchen stinks has me scratching my head somewhat.
What is a kingdom without a scullery? And where else would you find the kitchen stink, if not in or near the scullery?
Surprised you haven't spotted it there...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jan 17 - 09:22 PM

Churl One, your Mark, granted to your by Our Exalted Self, is

                         (c/o)

for Churl/One. We will assign Marks to later churls as the need arises but most probably in numerical order.

We continue Our deliberations upon reassignment of the Mark (*).


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 17 Jan 17 - 08:34 PM

I had considered this, Imperial Ignoramus but I did not feel it the place of a mere Churl who has forgotten his mark to offer this proposition.

As one who did live in other lands before (as has been noted) seeing the errors of past ways can confirm that "Trump" indeed is a term for this occurrence in the somewhat quaint inhabitance known as England.

On learning this subject has been raised and regarding the difficultly you express in that the said person may not be present when the gaseous materials are expelled, I beg to enquire whether the Imperial Emperor would have the preference to attribute this simply to a sign of strange winds (and possibly rumblings) from a foreign land?

This, I respectfully submit may also demonstrate to the populace, the good care the Imperial Emperor observes towards our protection from the possibly hostile thoughts of less enlightened nations.

Respectfully

Churl One

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 17 Jan 17 - 03:51 PM

And just in time for an inauguration, at that.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 09:26 PM

We shall seriously consider your suggestion, Imperial Ignoramus. There are certain aspects to it that appeal to Us.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®            His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 03:31 PM

Your Imperial Majesty! I have it! The perfect candidate for the post of Imperial Breaker of Wind is (pregnant pause) Donald J. Trump!

Think about it.... His last name already means "fart" in some circles. His mark (*) has a picture of an asshole in it, and he certainly is one. He will be seeking new employment in a few months, after President Pence is inaugurated and his sons refuse to give his company back.

The only downside would be that he would need to be in close proximity to Your Imperial Majesty to perform his duties and the sight and sound of him may well be unbearable. But I'm sure the Imperial Torturer could come up with something to take care of that problem. As they say, "Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver."

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 10:42 AM

Imperial Ignoramus, for the present We shall take your suggestion.

We do agree about the lamented Spaw, and today name him and his memory Imperial and Eternal Broke-Dick Mammalucce Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary Both With And Without Portfolio. His Mark, to be used by no one else besides Ourself and our EB-DMEaPBWaWP shall be and is

                   ≈

and should any unauthorized person use this Mark s/he will be bloated by Our Imperial Torturer.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 06:16 AM

I agree with the Imperial Torturer and All That Other Stuff. The mark (*) should be repurposed, not thrown on the dung heap. For one thing, it's so easy to type. Just three adjoining keys, no need to copy & paste, no HTML expertise required. But to what use could it be put?

Well, as previously noted, (*) looks a bit like the rear-end of a domestic house cat. It also resembles a person bending over to break wind. And, therein, I do believe, lies its utility.

It is, of course, unseemly for The Emperor to break wind. Therefore, just as He had an Imperial Whipping Boy to take His thrashings for Him as an Imperious Lad, He should have an Imperial Breaker of Wind to do His farting for Him.

Were our dear friend Catspaw still among us, the awarding of the mark (*) designating The Imperial Breaker of Wind would be what's sometimes referred to as a "no brainer". However, since Catspaw is gone and no other obvious candidate comes to mind, we humbly suggest the His Imperiousness reserve the Mark (*) until an Imperial Breaker of Wind can be designated.   

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 16 Jan 17 - 01:31 AM

Gee, thank you Sire!

Perhaps (*) could be used for another designation now, it has done good and faithful service and it seems a shame just to toss it on the scrap heap.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 09:07 PM

Our Imperial Ignoramus has had an excellent thought, and We herewith withdraw from the Imperial Torturer her awarded Mark of (*). It is herewith replaced with the Mark

                         [§]

which is indicative not only of the twisting involved in her position, but also of the imprisonment of those to be twisted, those who have been twisted, and those being twisted.

For his perspicuity Our Imperial Ignoramus is granted the Mark

                      <¡!>

which We find mathematically and linguistically appropriate. Naturally We herewith withdraw all previous Marks which he may have been granted.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 08:06 PM

Bee-dubya-ell, I like the way you think - you are welcome in the dungeon anytime!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 10:32 AM

It may bevtimevto pick a proper Imperial vehicle.

Pick your official Imperial 

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Jan 17 - 05:49 AM

The Imperial Ignoramus doth hereby petition Emperor Rapparee to change the mark (*) assigned to the Imperial Torturer Etc. to something more reflective of her position.

How are miscreants expected to take seriously the ministrations of a torturer whose mark is a picture of the south end of a northbound cat?

Perhaps something like (§) to indicate the twisting and dislocation of body parts one will endure while under the Imperial Torturer's care? Or maybe a simple (☠)?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 11:38 PM

Most Gracious Sire, please pass on my well wishes to Her Most Regal Highness Princess Patricia for a speedy and painless (as much as possible) recovery, from one sempster to another.

Should any workers from said restaurant need to be shown the error of their ways the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble is tuning up as we speak, and seats in the front row of the Imperial Dungeon Recital Hall are being held for that purpose. Such seats, it should be said, come with built-in restraining straps as we wouldn't want our guests leaving before the recital is done, thereby missing out on an amazing experience.

Most of our recitals last a full eight hours. Longer hours available on request.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 05:00 PM

Our esteemed and beloved Imperial spouse, now resting, fell in a restaurant parking lot during Our recent visitation to Our province of Illinois. She dislocated her left index finger and badly bruised her left knee. This all resulted in a ride to the Emergency Room in a vehicle known locally and quaintly as an "ambulance."

After x-rays her finger was reset by a barber-chirurgeon and relief was if not immediate (as We had commanded) but very close to it. However, she is still very much bothered by swelling and haemotoma in her left knee and foot. X-rays did not show any injury, but she will be seeing Our Imperial Barber-Chirurgeon here in the near future.

We Ourself and Our beloved spouse both returned with quite uncommon colds, which were shared with Us by Our Imperial Great-Neice Averi, or possibly her sister Emeri, or perhaps both. We have not yet thanked them for this gift.

Oh, yes! The owner, previous owners, workers, and previous workers from the time the restaurant opened up have been executed for failure to preclude accidents such as happened to Our Imperial spouse. Those who were in the restaurant when the injury occurred were deemed innocent in the matter and let off with only a Strong Rebuke. All of the city officials have been replaced and those who were incumbents at the time of the injury have been placed in the cinnabar mines for a period of no less than two (2) years and no more than the rest of their natural life.

Emperor Rapparee, Imerious Rex       ®         His mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 01:29 PM

On behalf of inquiring minds throughout this Your realm, I should respectfully submit, Imperial Sire, expressions of concern and goodwill towards Your Princess Patricia. Word has reached us that she returns home in a different condition than she left in Your company. She has at least returned to This Your Empire in one piece, we hope?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Will Fly
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 04:45 AM

Cave, Imperator, ad exercitum barbarorum banjo histriones sunt super te...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 14 Jan 17 - 12:55 AM

I hear it's a slap from the nurse

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 06:49 PM

I'm sorry to hear that. Has he talked to a doctor? A butt shot of "peni" may be in order.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 05:16 PM

I'd say he deserves the clap.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Jan 17 - 12:01 PM

Ave Imperial Ignoramus!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jan 17 - 09:52 PM

We herewith and herein remove the title "Imperial Speller" to Mr. Bee-Dubya-Ell. He will, however, continue with the title of Imperial Ignorer until such time as We feel it necessary to revoke that title as well. In truth, We herein and herewith revoke that title as well. He is herewith granted the title of Imperial Ignoramus.

We are not harsh. "Ignoramus" is simply Latin for "We Ignore." We find that a title in Latin befits him better, being to most as incomprehensible as he is.

We extend Our Imperial Congratulations to Our new Imperial Ignoramus! Everyone who cares to may applaud.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®       His mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jan 17 - 07:31 PM

Oops! I forgot about that Imperial Speller appointment. But, hey, I didn't ask for it. It just got tossed in my lap like an overturned bowl of fish guts.

And anyway, "banjo sting" is funnier than "banjo string", and funny trumps correctly spelled in 98.4% of all cases.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Jan 17 - 06:13 PM

Now, here's a thing.
Bee-Dubya-Ell has been appointed Imperial Speller. So what does he do when I quote "banjo stings"?....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 12 Jan 17 - 06:48 AM

Thank you Your Excellency. I have called upon your most noble librarian who provided me with the most detailed catalogue for the above collections.

It has been noted that there is a major omission in the Imperial collection of stinks where you have everything but the kitchen variety.

Might I be bold enough to suggest a quest to capture one on these rare specimens.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 17 - 10:36 PM

Churl One, We have collected all that might be of any importance. We have seen that there is a collection of bee stings, wasp stings, and other stings. We have also collected variations on these, such as bee stinks and wasp steins.

You may apply to Our Omniscient and Omnipotent Imperial Librarian for further information.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®       His mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 11 Jan 17 - 06:37 PM

It is undoubtedly churlish of me to ask, O great one, but do you have bee stings collected in this magnificent land? I am, perhaps unreliably, informed their milk is quite wonderful.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jan 17 - 04:09 PM

Silly subjects! A banjo sting is an undercover law enforcement operation with an unorthodox twist. In most "sting" operations, the cops attempt to lure miscreants into fake pawn shops where they arrest them for attempting to sell stolen goods. In a banjo sting, cops attempt to lure miscreants into fake music stores where they arrest them for attempting to play banjo.

Cities where banjo stings have been set up have seen marked improvement in public perception of law enforcement. It seems most people are willing to put up with unbridled graft, corruption and police brutality, as long as banjo players are kept off the streets.

Bee-dubya-ell, Royal Ignorer {ri}

(Who couldn't help but not ignore such a marvelous setup.)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 11 Jan 17 - 03:02 PM

Ah yes, indeed......you have never heard me play banjo, have you?

Because I can't.....

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Jan 17 - 01:01 PM

Banjo stings? I guess it would, in the hands of the Imperial Torturer....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 10:07 AM

Churl Freeman, We forgive you the contribution on whatever you had prior to arriving in this, Our realm. We cannot forgive, and the reasons why should be obvious, the contributions of the present and future. We do now award you the title of Churl One and permit you to use this mark: ℅ . We are pleased that you have seen the error of being outside of this Our realm and only remind you that Jennie G., Our Imperial Torturer, is always looking for new banjo stings.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 06:32 AM

Your excellency. As an ex emperor, I'm afraid it would be impossible to give 92% of everything I ever had. I am unable to re conquer lands for you.

I trust and plead that in these highly unusual circumstances, you will understand.

J Bony Parts F

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 26 Dec 16 - 04:44 AM

Imperial Sire, the inmates of the oubliette, and of course my good self, would like to wish you and Her Most Imperial Highness Princess Patricia the compliments of the season!

Kindest regards
JennieG
Imperial Torturer and Official Wrangler of the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 10:29 PM

We see that We have a new subject, a Jon Freeman. Welcome, and be certain to contribute 92% of everything you have, will have, or ever have had, to the continuing good of Our realm.

Welcome back, Royal Ignorer. We hope that your Yuletide has been relatively pain-free.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 09:55 PM

This thread has lifted my spirits as well. Many's the morning I have awakened wondering what I could do to relieve the toxic blue funk of my daily existence, when it has occurred to me, "I can ignore the Rap for Emperor thread!"

I have ignored this thread while washing dishes, taking out the garbage, and performing many other tasks that I wouldn't have had the courage to undertake were this thread not around for me to ignore.

Thanks, thread.

Bee-dubya-ell, Royal Ignorer {ri}

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 09:34 PM

Take care rap can't find a version on youtube but instead a fragment of my own singing from a few years back, Rap. here

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 09:11 PM

We do no approve of your leaving. We command you to return to your scullery!


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®          His Mark