BS: Rap for emperor

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 17 - 03:32 PM

We suggest the lined, military grade, body bags here. We also suggest that you look at their protective apparel, as We know from experience what moving a leaking body bag can entail.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex             ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 11 Apr 17 - 09:32 AM

"a large SASE" I checked at Office Depot and they didn't have any that were even close to big enough; they suggested I look online for an odor-and-leak-proof body bag.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 17 - 09:11 AM

"...he don't have...."

We are pleased that We did not name you Imperial Grammarian instead of Imperial Nay-Sayer.

Also, We are pleased that you are fulfilling your charge as Imperial Nay-Sayer admirably. We shall, for the moment, overlook that you are nay-saying about Us.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 17 - 12:06 AM

I have decided to seell Rapaaire. You all know his history. I will sell him for fifty cents $US, which is damn cheap. Four bits and you can have him lock, stock and barrel of horsepucky.

You have heard how he has been called Imperial Grace, the Good, the Strong the Brave, Molder of the Sea and Master of the Lands, the Gracious and Benevolent. And in light of all these virtues, you well may ask why I would sell him for so little. And I will tell you why.

The reason is, he's a damn liar, you see. Truth is, he don't have NONE of them qualities.

Sent your four bits and a large SASE to me c/o the Mudcat and I will see you are treated fairly, for once.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 17 - 10:44 PM

We have posted the qualities suggested to Us and which We feel are the most significant descriptors of Us. We had promised to do this some time back. But We have not added those which describe Us in violent terms, such a Father of Blood Eagles even if they are sometimes pertinent to Our justice.

Donuel, We suggest you try Icelandic. Google Translate can help you.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Apr 17 - 03:12 PM

What happened on the ill-fated cruise is that Emperpor Rapparee fell under the delusion that He is either the reincarnation of a really bad-ass Viking warrior or the living avatar of a minor Norse deity. One must suppose the novelty of being an omnipotent faux emperor has worn a bit thin, thus requiring His Emperiousness to delve into new realms of specious fantasy.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Apr 17 - 08:56 AM

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    
the Understanding, the Empathetic, the Commiserative, the Kindhearted, the Harmonious, the Accepted, Bane of the Base Born, Who saith, An hugrekki, An dyrð

___________
This is the biggest policy turn around since Trump fired missiles at Syria.
What happened on that comedy of errors cruise?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Apr 17 - 09:27 PM

I listened to the whole thing.

Rap
You have stumped me. There are clues to a translation but they elude me. It stinks to be stumped, I think language remains my weakest link, you fink. Maybe the saying would look good in ink on the pink brink of my brow.

The Overture of Torture: Act -III, scene I.7

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 17 - 10:13 PM

Yes, We wish you a voyage better than Our last one.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          @            His Mark

the Understanding, the Empathetic, the Commiserative, the Kindhearted, the Harmonious, the Accepted, Bane of the Base Born, Who saith,

An hugrekki, An dyrð

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Apr 17 - 07:04 PM

Bon voyage, Imperial Torturer and entourage.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 08 Apr 17 - 03:49 PM

Donuel... good one!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icIVqCUVF_A

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 17 - 09:40 PM

Perhaps it will permit Our ships to slip past Our enemies.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®          His Mark

the Sociable, the Credible, the Righteous, Shepherd Of His People, Vicar of Vicars, the Discrete, Successor to Njord, Tamer of Fenrir, Chainer of Jörmungandr, the Forebearing, Rider of Y Ddraig Goch, Dagda, the Good.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Apr 17 - 03:51 PM

Our Imperial Alchemists have recently devised a truly frightening detergent. Applications for naval warfare are being studied. Please advise.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Apr 17 - 11:30 AM

I bet you think this post is about you

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 17 - 09:42 AM

We are considering sending one or more of Our triremes to the seas around Norway, simply as a frightening deterrent. Their "drakken" long ships do not Us or Our Realm! We will have Our sailors throw tomahawks at them as a warning that if they do not do a better job of controlling their seas We will step in and do it for them and We will insure that they pay for it!

Yes, We are annoyed. We thought better of Norway!


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark

The Magnanimous, the Invincible, the Just, the Merciful, Pontifex Maximus, the Forgiving, the kindhearted, the Dependable, the Classy, the Unblemished, the Apt, the Tolerable, the Irreprehensible, the Adroit, the Admirable (this list is incomplete, but choose two for use at any given time).

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 06 Apr 17 - 02:17 PM

A rogue wave. Then a shipwreck. And NO Northern Lights??? I dare say eyes will ROLL!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Apr 17 - 01:57 PM

Rap the Rapturous and his Imperial Spouse are returned.
Trouble is brewing with the Barber-Chirurgiens.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 29 Mar 17 - 11:28 PM

Thank you, keberoxu, for your kind thoughts!

Right now we are waiting to hear from the insurance company which of two companies will be fixing the kitchen and laying what seems like several acres of new floor tiles. After that is done the new carpet can be laid and new furniture can be bought to replace that which had to be thrown out.

However, next Wednesday Himself and I will be setting out on an adventure. We are driving 720 kms south to Canberra, the capital of our realm, to attend the National Folk Festival and to visit family (our older son, his wife and our grandkid live in Canberra) before heading even further south for a coastal visit, then back home. We will be away for five weeks.

Himself was being slightly foolishly optimistic when he anticipated all the house repairs would be finished in a week or so. I kept telling him, no it won't be......and now he believes me.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 22 Mar 17 - 03:18 PM

And are now, together, on the cruise as planned.

Imperial Torture-atrix, how goes it with your domicile? Are you recovering from the flooding?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 Mar 17 - 01:12 PM

The faithful Gnu has posted elsewhere, that Mister and Missus Rapturous got beyond Winter Storm Stella, and made it to Oslo, Norway, praise be.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Mar 17 - 07:33 PM

His Imperial Rapness, if all the preceding were not enough, may have to contend with Winter Storm Stella as he heads for Norway...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 12 Mar 17 - 04:13 PM

Best wishes on your foray to Norway, oh Great One!

Should you find a spare Viking or two hanging around doing nothing they are always welcome in the Imperial Oubliette. I'm sure they would have wonderfully refined ideas for the torture chamber.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 17 - 02:58 PM

My people, We must away to capture Norway for Our Imperial Realm. Do not despair, as We will not forget you. A word to the Imperial Ignoramus and the Imperial Naysayer: We do not suggest that you attempt a coupe or revolution, as We have facilities to prevent such of which you have not even dreamed and We shall be checking in periodically.

The most winning title was "Emperor Rapparee, the Rapturous." Other titles will be announced after We have returned from Our campaign in Norway.



Emperor Rapparee the Rapturous             ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Mar 17 - 08:33 PM

Happy Sails to You, Imperious Rex, and Your Imperial Spouse.
By the time you get back, I might even have all of Bacchylides' original Greek data-entered on the Paean to Peace thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Mar 17 - 09:05 PM

Quite well, and We thank you for your concern. The results of Our Naming contest are in and will be posted very soon.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Mar 17 - 06:00 PM

Waiting, quietly and patiently, to hear how the MD treated his imperial patient.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Mar 17 - 08:55 PM

They can read and listen. We do not feel it necessary to do more at this time. If anyone wants to blow We suggest May 2nd.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Mar 17 - 02:09 PM

Emperor Emperious wrecks;

An Omen from the East.

Regarding Sir Amos, famous for his uncanny, incredibly lucky, impeccable sense of timing, It has been seen by many that he has moved from the west coast to the east. Our Royal soothsayers are in agreement that this means only one thing.

When will it be time to WARN West Coast Imperial dwellers that the obvious coming of Lord Tsunami is nigh?

We are now 124 years overdue for a west coast coastal disaster.
The royal soothsayers have agreed upon May 1st as the day the wave arrives.

When will we blow the horn of Gretchen and warn the western provinces?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 17 - 08:42 PM

We wouldn't do that. It is far, far too quick.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Mar 17 - 03:27 PM

I shudder, fellow imperial citizens, to think what might become of the barber-chirurgien if the splint comes off and then he says Nix to Norway Cruise. Let's hope the barber-chirurgien gets to remove that splint AND keep his head on his shoulders....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 23 Feb 17 - 03:44 PM

How to (squeekingly)address an Emperor  

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Feb 17 - 12:51 PM

His Imperial Majesty should be aware that, unlike His recent hernia surgery, the reattachment of a bicep does not require shaving of the Imperial Pubic Region. If, perchance, our Emperor should awaken to find the Imperial Scrotum to be less forested than before the procedure, He should consider it a strong indication of either incompetence or undo familiarization. Sending the attending barber-surgeons and all their assistants on a visit to the Imperial Oubliette would be appropriate.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus (currently on leave)
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Feb 17 - 12:44 PM

Thinking of His Imperial Rapness,
and hoping his Imperial barber-chirurgiens render him fit for the Norway Cruise, which would be a lovely way to take his mind off having his arm in a sling or something.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Feb 17 - 10:27 PM

5.30 A.M. Mudcat time is 9.30 P.M. on the same day in the Imperial Oubliette. We're always a bit ahead of ourselves here.

Sop while you are going Under The Knife suffering unspeakable nasties we will be tucked up in our beds, sleeping the sleep of the innocent.

Some of us will be innocent, anyway.....

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Feb 17 - 05:15 PM

We shall awaken around 5:30 a.m. Mudcat Time, which is 3:30 a.m. Imperial Time. Then We shall awaken The Creator, as she or he does not usually awaken that early. We shall present Ourself to barber-chirurgeons two hours later, and shall undergo their knives at 9:00 a.m. Mudcat Time, which is 7:00 a.m. IT. We should be in Our Own Imperial Bed before the noon meridian IT.

Take heart from Our sufferings! We do this for you, Our subjects, and especially for the Imperial Nay-Sayer who will all too soon experience the same or worse.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Feb 17 - 12:05 AM

We regret that we will not be able to ignore this thread for a couple of days due to the fortuitous arrival of the latest Tim Dorsey book on our coffee table.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus (currently on leave)
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Feb 17 - 09:49 PM

Yikes, Sire! Those barber surgeons are getting their pound of flesh from you lately!

Best wishes for a speedy recovery from the indignities which will be inflicted upon you.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Feb 17 - 07:11 PM

Our Subjects!

Your Emperor must again put Himself into the hands of barber-surgeons. Thursday next We will present Our self so that Our Imperial Left Bicep can be rejoined with Our Imperial Radius And Ulna.

We do this as an example of forbearance and strength in the face of pain for you, Our subjects. Please let Our good example show you what you, too, could do if needful.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Amos
Date: 21 Feb 17 - 05:54 PM

Or, failing that, Chief Disabuser, iconoclast and Imperial Parade Rainer.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Feb 17 - 09:19 AM

We shall announce the results of the Imperial Flattering Name contest as soon as those of a degrading or scurrilous nature have been weeded out, along with those who made those submissions.

No, keberoxu, We do not think of you as the Imperial Torturer. That position has already been taken by Jennie G., but if you wish you might apply to her for an apprenticeship.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Feb 17 - 12:28 AM

Bee-dubya-ell, we now have a new cat-o'-nineteen tails. Instead of knots at the business end of the ropes we have sharp little spiky blades. They get the job done quicker and more efficiently, and besides which - you wouldn't believe how much fun they are to use!

As damage to the Imperial Torturer and Spouse's living quarters are still being assessed from last month's flood, we are taking our fun where we can get it. There is, however, an upside to having no carpet......there is no need to worry about removing stains. Some miscreants leave a bit of a mess in the Oubliette and, try as we may, it isn't always possible to wipe one's shoes completely. The former carpet always showed unfortunate marks.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Feb 17 - 05:51 PM

I would like to express my sincere and heartfelt thanks to all the folks who have not posted to this thread for the last week. Being the Imperial Ignoramus (He Who Ignores) is a hard job to do alone. It's much easier when everybody else chips in. Together, we have successfully ignored this thread for seven days! Give yourselves pats on the back* and well-earned rounds of applause.

*The Imperial Torturer may wish to put the cat-o-nine-tails down before attempting to pat herself on the back.


Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 13 Feb 17 - 03:49 PM

keberoxu. Don't mind him. He get's mixed up. Just had ANOTHER Bday so....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Feb 17 - 12:09 PM

I am sorry that you all think of me as the torturer. I will try to amend my ways.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 17 - 10:03 PM

We had an extraordinary natal anniversary, staying home coughing and eventually We went out to dine. Then We came back and as they say around here, "Laid low."

Imperial Torturer, it was not difficult. We did spend many years "looking things up."

We thank everyone for their good wishes. Those in the oubliette can now be flushed.

The results of the contest will be announced shortly.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Feb 17 - 12:50 PM

Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee, by whatever title Frogprince chooses for you, and in the aftermath of your anniversary,
I bow to you.
On this your Birthday, you and you alone found Ken Lonnquist's video from Harborfest 1990 of himself singing his own song, "He Didn't Eat His Broccoli." And you provided a link from my Remember the Broccoli thread, validating the original post and indeed the whole of the modest thread.
Imperious Rex, you made someone else's bad day a lot happier. All honor and praise be yours.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 06:44 PM

With the heat in Oz, I figure not only the banjo strings, but the very banjo-head, must be in trouble...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 01:05 PM

I clicked that link, Rap. It froze my computer. I clicked cancel 4 times and it played anyway on the 4th cancel. Now I gotta do a virus scan and check for downloaded unwanted apps.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 11:55 AM

For dancing girls, I am willing to put the ignoring of The Imperial Natal Day on hold. Especially if this young lady is going to be there.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: Rappy Birthdate!
From: Severn
Date: 11 Feb 17 - 10:50 AM

"Rappy Birthday To You" (a traditional Rap Air) will be sung joyfully throughout the land. However any parodies will be classified as an "Extraditional Air" and the singers and composers will be dealt with in the extraditional way and said works destroyed.It will be Parodies Lost, as they shall be banished from parodies and be thrown outside of the garden gate by whatever Gardening Angel guardin' the gate at the time. The gatekeeper will see to it that the offender maintains a steady gait in the direction of Far Away From Here in full realization that "NOBODY can beat the Rap".......

The Future has arrived and all presents shall now be passed, both Rapped and unwrapped and be given our rapt attention. To those who wrote "Many Happy Returns" on the card, His Emptitude has issued a warning that everything should work, fit or be the right color the first time.

A pie is brought out with four and twenty blackbirds singing the aforementioned Imperial Birthday Anthem to banjo accompaniment. and "The Emp", older and hopefully wiser, roars to the waiter and the chef, "TAKE IT BACK! It's not DONE yet!.... Uh....I mean the song itself was quite well done, but OFF WITH THEIR HEADS anyway, (as well as their feathers for that matter), and bring it back when it's ready. It does SMELL quite delicious, with a delicate essence, like those made in delicatessens."......

"While we are waiting, BRING ON THE DANCING GIRLS!.........