BS: Rap for emperor

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 19 - 02:28 PM

We feel that animal species should not be introduced willy-nilly into a new environment. Extensive research should be done by the Imperial Game Warden, as that it what We pay him to do.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Dec 19 - 10:06 PM

Feral hogs have no business in The Empire. They are native to The Kingdom of Feral, and that is where they should stay. In fact, King Feral the Seventh, reigning monarch of the Kingdom of Feral, has banned the export of Feral hogs and has designated them Royally Good Eatin'. Under such designation, Feral hogs may only be hunted or eaten by members of the Royal Family. But this is no big deal since King Feral has so many wives that almost everyone in the Kingdom is a relative of some sort.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Dec 19 - 08:43 PM

Leave it to the Imperial Ignoramus
to educate us about feral game
in the Game Warden's absence.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Dec 19 - 01:42 PM

Pharrell has been hogging the Internet - he's clearly in his home turf with over 1 billion (with a B) views in the Kingdom of YouTube.

Signed,

Imperial Mudelf
{Æ} (her mark)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Dec 19 - 02:03 PM

That song is pleasing to me,
but it drives some people demented.
Actor Robert Carlyle for one, he said so for the record
during an interview:

"What is 'a room without a roof'!? F*** off."

Subject: RE: BS: Rapa for Scrappler
From: Severn
Date: 03 Dec 19 - 06:24 PM

The only thing we have to fear'll be feral itself!.....

How many hogs will be spared for Hogmany?

As for the aforementioned King, Tell Ol' Feral to let my people go!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Dec 19 - 10:12 AM

I hear that Emperor Rapparee returned from Ireland
and one foot was no longer as it was when he arrived there ...
was it during a dance?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperationist
From: Severn
Date: 04 Dec 19 - 06:35 PM

No longer than it was? Did you measure to make sure? We wouldn't want him tilted, like one of Don Quixote's windmills.

A room without a roof? A topless restaurant, perhaps? A missing verse From "My Father's Mansion Has Many Rooms" by Pete Seeger?
Why, there's nothing ceiling your fate!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Dec 19 - 12:35 PM

I have two feet which are no longer as they were. When I was born, they were only about two inches long. If they had stayed as they were, I would have a very difficult time walking.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus Etc.
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Dec 19 - 04:04 PM

You know, your Rapturous Rex,
this feral hog thing, it's worse than I thought.

Bad enough that they're running the Texans ragged
and migrating to points west, east, and north therefrom.

Now I hear that the Canadian wild hogs
are crossing the border into Montana.
Isn't that getting close to your borders?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 19 - 06:37 PM

Most unfortunately We have these invaders in Owyhee County. Should you with to assist Us in this matter know that the "season" is all the year around and that there is no limit to how many you may "take." "Take" all you wish, and Our good wishes will go with you.

Thus far, these invaders haven't arrived in this part of Our realm. Should they do so the potato and lentil farmers will be quite upset, and We would agree with them.

We fail to see how introducing wild boar for the wealthy to "hunt" is a blessing to Our poorer subjects.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Dec 19 - 11:44 PM

Hey everybody.
Our irreplaceable Severn
has a December 30 birthday,
he just disclosed same on another thread.
Should the Empire take note of this?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 19 - 07:59 AM

We find it disgusting that Severn has "revealed" himself. At least he did this nauseating act on another thread. Should he "reveal" himself again We will ask the Imperial Torturer to act.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 11 Dec 19 - 04:36 PM

My pleasure, Oh Great Sire......the scythe is being sharpened as we speak!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Dec 19 - 06:38 PM

Why sharpen the scythe? Wouldn't a dull scythe be more cruel and torturous? Seems to me that a sharp scythe would be unnecessarily merciful.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus Etc.
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 11 Dec 19 - 11:41 PM

Well - yes. This is indeed true.

As you may or not know, the Imperial Oubliette is located in the Wonderful Land of Oz. At present many fires are burning our fair land, and it has occurred to me that sending miscreants out with a small can of water and no protective clothing to fight a fire could be a good idea?

Whatever they had done to land them in the dungeon in the first place, that would make darn sure they would never do it again. Sometimes one has to be cruel to be kind.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 12 Dec 19 - 10:52 AM

If they use the scythe on me, would I then be dead but irreplaceable? Would that make me eligible to be on a commemorative postage stamp? Or do I, like other ex-USPS employees, just got and become post-humus?

Remember, December 30th is cutting it close, even with a scythe, so be quick about it, or like so many other old folks in white robes towith curved blades who have tried before, some little well taught tot with a taut hold on the future will kick your ads all the way from here to sickle-acle year end obscurity.

Furthermore, I am protected from all scythes and sickies by Popsicles, the Greek God of Winter.

I should he is dead five times over, but I must be tougher than the proverbial two dollar steak.

It would be better to just shower me with appropriate gifts and declare a State Holiday, instead.

Jennie G can get in line behind all of the other female "Carry-A-Torchers" I've left in my wake or their sleep.....

I'll expect your wrapped attention on the 30th.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Dec 19 - 03:55 PM

Don't forget that
Imperial Ignoramus
Bee-dubya-ell
also has a December birthday.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Dec 19 - 07:28 PM

I do not have a December birthday! I used to have one, but I got tired of it and changed my birthday to September 14th. It's a much more innocuous date than December 31st. The most notable thing that has ever happened on September 14th was the first detection of gravity waves. Cool, but not a good excuse to drink to excess and blow your fingers off with fireworks.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Dec 19 - 08:41 PM

BWL please stop before you reveal your Imperial checking account number and mother's famous maiden name.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 17 Dec 19 - 01:04 PM

This yrar, I have been told that they will be putting a clear plastic screen in qfront of me when I perform my annual Imperial Holiday Concert so that I will be able to properly observe the eggs miss this season.

A partial set list may be revealed at a future time.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Dec 19 - 10:39 PM

We are concerned about how the unprecedented high temperatures in The Land of Oz are affecting the Imperial Oubliette. A substantial part of any dungeon or oubliette's ambiance is its dampness. If temperatures rise sufficiently, the dampness will evaporate, leaving a (shudder!) dry dungeon! Dry dungeons simply cannot support sustainable unhealthy levels of toxic mold, festering infections, and vermin infestation.

We urge The Imperial Torture to take all necessary steps to prevent dungeon desiccation and oubliette aridity!

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Dec 19 - 01:44 PM

The Mudcat Christmas Tavern is open for business this season,
but you won't see me there --
I want to have my little nervous breakdown
in private, thanks very much.
Hopefully it will have run its course by New Year's.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 22 Dec 19 - 11:41 AM

Can the banjo ensemble handle the Foggy Mental Breakdown for you?

No emergency sprinkler system in the dungeons to wet things down and properly dampen spirits? I know that prisoner safety is not a high priority, but you rig it to sprinkle acid on the worst offenders and some of the cheapest dollar store perfume or worse on the mild offenders.

Or you can just say, "After this collection of bums, they threw away the mould. May it grow back soon."

as for the heat, though,you wouldn't want to crisp them too badly. Just think of it as Aldente's Inferno.....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Dec 19 - 02:53 PM

In these days of restricted water use it is getting more and more difficult to keep the Imperial Oubliette damp enough for new mould to continually form. The cheap perfume is an excellent idea - a good thought!

As the temperatures over the past few days have been setting new heat records, the oubliette inhabitants are suitable uncomfortable.

In honour of the coming festive season, I would like to ask Our Great Imperial Leader if it would be possible to shave three minutes off the length of sentence for any crimes whose punishment usually requires a sentence of 300 years or more? Such mercy would never be forgotten, O Great Sire!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Dec 19 - 03:26 PM

Perhaps His Imperiousness could arrange for some of the unneeded rain that has fallen upon the Southeastern US region of The Empire to be relocated to the Oz region where it's needed.

It has rained a full fifteen centimeters over the last day-and-a-half here at my humble homestead in scenic Floribama. The rain is obviously in the wrong place because we don't even get centimeters of rain here. We get inches!

Our soil can't even absorb metric rain! If it isn't sent someplace else, it'll hang around until for weeks until it evaporates.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 19 - 08:34 AM

My People!

Your Emperor and His Imperial Consort wish all of you a most Happy Holiday Season! We shall have music, dance, banqueting, and drink in Our humble mountain abode.

We in Our generosity have ordered that all of Our subjects will, during this festive season, enjoy themselves and, from New to Old Christmas, enjoy a reduction in taxes of 0.202%. That is the number of the New Year (in BCE/CE notation) backwards. More, the Imperial Almoner has been instructed to give each person a second loaf of bread for this Season of Joy.

Imperial Torturer, please raise the temperature in the Oubliette by 0.202 degrees for the same period!

And We again state that Our Wishes are for a joyous season will be observed and that not to do so is at your peril.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 23 Dec 19 - 10:37 AM

I am drawin pogey so don't expect me back to work anytime soon, eh? >;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 26 Dec 19 - 04:29 PM

gnu finally shows his face and the whole place crashes for days.

Coincidence?


signed,
Imperial Mudelf {Æ}

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Dec 19 - 07:53 PM

I wonder if the feral hogs can be blamed for it ...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 19 - 08:37 PM

The Imperial Game Warden is responsible for all of the feral hogs in Our Realm.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Dec 19 - 08:39 PM

Your Rapturousness, I hope you and the Prinzessin
had a happy holiday.
Nice to see I'm not the only one on the beat, here.
... or off of the beat, as it were.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 27 Dec 19 - 04:44 AM

That won't be difficult, Sire......there is a spike of very very hot weather forecast for the middle of next week!

Best wishes to and Princess Patricia for the coming year.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 30 Dec 19 - 05:07 PM

Owing to the popularity and enthusiasm for the thread of Rap for Emperor, TBS greenlighted the show miracle workers- The Dark Ages for a second season.

You may even find your own character in the Preview

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Dec 19 - 07:41 PM

... and don't forget that
the Imperial Ignoramus
has a
used-to-be-birthday tomorrow,
on St. Sylvester's Eve I think it was.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Dec 19 - 09:03 PM

What? There's a Saint Sylvester? They elevated a cartoon cat to sainthood? Is there a Saint Tweety-Bird also?

(Now I'm visualizing a bunch of medieval Gregorian monks chanting "I taught I taw a puddy tat. I did. I did taw a puddy tat." Sounds Latin enough to suit me.)

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Dec 19 - 09:52 PM

Thhhhuf-ferinnnnnn Thhhhhuc-cotashhhhh!


The Imperial Ignoramus has succeeded admirably in
making me feel less an ignoramus than himself,
though like as not
he knows more about a great many things than I know.
It's especially endearing when this is done with humor.


December 31 as Saint Sylvester's day, according to the Wikipedia,
is a Roman Catholic, western Christianity thing.
Sylvester is also recognized by the Orthodox church, but
the day is observed, not on the Western New Year's eve,
but shortly after the beginning of the New Year.

So the Saint Sylvester thing
is largely European.
He was a Roman pope at the time of Emperor Constantine
and the Nicæan Council.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 30 Dec 19 - 10:28 PM

He removed the suffering from the succotash and for it was sainted sometime after the Nice Seein' You Council......

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 03 Jan 20 - 04:55 PM

Some of our more talented inmates while on Dungeon Clean-Up Duty and in the spirit of waste reduction and recycling, have taken it upon themselves to start making Art.

I present for your edification and amusement - their first creation.

Aargh, me hearties!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Jan 20 - 01:02 PM

I had to look up "pogey"
-- the Internet tells me it's Canadian.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Jan 20 - 01:00 PM

The Gnu keeps on keeping on,
and glad to hear it.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jan 20 - 08:03 AM

Imperial Torturer, We do not feel that those prisoners are yet ready for work in Our shipyards. We feel that they would overbuild and waste Our precious materials. Moreover, We feel that it was an escape attempt. Please increase the salt content of such sustenance as you may may give them and lower the temperature in the oubliette to absolute zero.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®       His mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Jan 20 - 06:50 PM

... and we arrive, more or less safely,
into a New Year.
Hope there is sufficient time for
the Imperial Game Warden to recuperate
before spring, heaven help us,
brings new excitement to the animal kingdom.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 14 Jan 20 - 01:46 AM

That can done, Sire. However I thought it was an excellent use of leftover bones of past miscreants, as once they have been boiled up for soup several times there isn't much else to do with them - otherwise they become a trip hazard by their sheer quantity.

In any case the current crop of benighted souls wouldn't be able to sail anywhere; there is an ongoing drought in these here parts and there is barely enough water to allow a dribble for each prisoner to wet their lips more than once a week.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Jan 20 - 03:46 PM

Yes, one imagines the drought in Australia is making it terribly difficult for the Imperial Torturer to make the miscreants' gruel sufficiently thin and watery....

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Feb 20 - 12:52 PM

We hear that today is The Emperor's birthday. In my official capacity as Imperial Ignoramus, I am ignoring said birthday. I shall neither make mention of it nor allude to it in any fashion.

Other subjects of the realm, whose jobs do not involve ignoring, are free to celebrate (or not) as they wish.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Feb 20 - 12:52 PM

We hear that today is The Emperor's birthday. In my official capacity as Imperial Ignoramus, I am ignoring said birthday. I shall neither make mention of it nor allude to it in any fashion.

Other subjects of the realm, whose jobs do not involve ignoring, are free to celebrate (or not) as they wish.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 09 Feb 20 - 12:59 AM

Congratulations and felicitations on your Natal Day, Sire!

The miscreants will have their chains loosened slightly for two minutes, to honour Your Most Gracious Self.

The threat of fire has passed for now, indeed the Imperial Oubliette may be under water at high tide soon, as much-needed moisture has fallen from above......from somewhere, at any rate. At a great rate, actually......

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Feb 20 - 03:38 PM

The Imperial Ignoramus, in stereo ...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 20 - 06:09 PM

Imperial Torturer, please set free those who have been longest in Our dungeons. That is, those who have been there for over seventy-five years. You may dispose of them as you see fit. Also, please give each remaining prisoner a 100 milliliters of cold, fresh water. Should these examples of Our mercy and generosity cause outbreaks of restiveness among those under your care you have Our permission to use the fire hoses and rubber truncheons.

We thank every one of Our loyal subjects for their good wishes and it is Our Imperial promise to reduce the tax rate by one per centum two years after fire is replaced by renewable energy in this, Our Empire.

We extend Our thanks to the Imperial Ignoramus for his presents of gold, frankincese, and myrrh.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®       His Mark