BS: Rap for emperor

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 16 Feb 16 - 02:00 PM

Youaalways make me burst out laughing Severn... Priceless Lol

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 16 Feb 16 - 02:05 PM

What are your first edicts oh enlightened emperor rapparee, your wish commands us loyal subjects

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 16 Feb 16 - 03:02 PM

Don't tell me he's one of those e-dict haters or an edict-tator or even an e-duct taper. Anything's possible on line, I guess.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: David C. Carter
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 05:46 AM

An Emperer needs an Empire.

I don't see one.

Remember Napoleon,don't go there!



Bob Dysleksick

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: David C. Carter
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 06:01 AM

And you need one of those funny hats,that spins round when you're driving with the top down.




Bob Dystopia

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gillymor
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 07:00 AM

Hail to the Beef!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 09:07 AM

In this, the sixth day of Our reign, the following is mandatory for the Health and Happiness of Our subjects:

First, that all shall be happy,
Second, that We should be happier than everyone else,
Thirdly, that everyone else has more money than We,
Fourthly, that contrary to the Olde Sayinge, money can buy at least a facsimile of happiness,

It is Therefore Ordered:

That all of you, Our subjects, shall within the next forty-five days (including weekend, holidays, holy days, sick days, personal leave days, feast days, famine days, Lent, Easter, and all times wherein the Earth Our Domain does rotate around upon its axis in a Solar Day (as defined by the International Earth Rotation and Reference Systems Service (IERS) as 86164.098 903 691 seconds of mean solar time (UT1) (23h 56m 4.098 903 691s)), shall send to Us all wealth, valuta, jewelry, jewels, gold (that is, the element with atomic number 79 and having a standard atomic weight (±) (Ar) of 196.966569 and an electron configuration of [Xe] 4f14 5d10 6s1 or per shell 2, 8, 18, 32, 18, 1) and other inanimate rare and valuable things (as defined by the society in which Our subjects live).

Failure to comply with This, Our first ruling, shall call down upon those failing the Wrath of olddude who shall salt their fields, burn their hovels and huts, and otherwise cause unto them Annoyance Great, which shall not exclude the playing of the banjo at ungodly hours.

Given at My Seat Of Power this Sixth Day of Our Reign and the First Year of the New Calendar, by

Your Beloved Emperor

Rapparee      ®   (his mark)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 10:36 AM

Amen your most esteemed

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 12:05 PM

Inaminate but tangible things. We do not want your thoughts or words, We want your obedience and valuables.

Emperor Rapparee   ® His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: David C. Carter
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 01:14 PM

Beware the Ides of March

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 04:44 PM

Any weaponry has to be turned over to me.. Especially if you have a tommy gun

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 06:22 PM

Just what are we getting esteemed up about?

Rap'll be disappointed, bless his appointed little head, as I haven't much use for any shiny rocks that don't play LPs. I don't know what I like better about precious metals, gemstones and jewelry, the fact that the stuff tastes so good or the fact that it keeps me warm at night when I cuddle up to it. In short, the stuff's highly overrated, so I'll have none to send. You'll have to test my mettle without much metal by meddling in other ways and probably giving yourself a medal for your efforts.

And what will become of all those weapons due or overdued to olddude. It is my belief that no man should posses more arms than, say, a squid. That he's prostituted himself for this mongrel whored of lethal stuff, begs the question ("Can I ask it? Huh? Huh? Can I, can I, can I, puhleeeze?") what he will DO with such an armory.

And I'm sad to say that the most I've been offered so far by the present regime is the post of Naval Attaché To Nepal, with no mention of salary, much less, amount of salary. "I'm the one who made you free", says Rap and I'm sure you're worth every penny of it....."
That's gratitude for you. But, as I said, I'm one who doesn't pick, and eschews precious stones and other like sucheries.....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 06:30 PM

We now, in Our wisdom, do appoint Severn as Emissary and Commisary Plentypenitentiary With and Without Portbottle to The Duchy of Grand Fenwick and We authorize him to act in whatever way seems most reprehensible at the time, as long as he continues to pay for his orifice from Us.

Emperor Rapparee

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 17 Feb 16 - 06:58 PM

Lol indeed oh grand employer... And Severn
Some day youse will Thanks me fer the whipons

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 12:29 AM

Sorry, Rapping Emperor, I leige to you in every way possible......but you are not getting my tiara. It stays here.

That, however, is probably cancelled out by the fact that I do not now, and have never done in any way, shape or form, played a banjo.

So that makes us square.

I get to keep my tiara, and in return I promise not to assault the Imperial Ears by plunking the Instrument of Torture.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 09:39 AM

We in Our Wisdom do hereby and immediately appoint and name Jennie G, in all of her ramifications and notions, Our Imperial Torturer, with all of the Rights and Privileges and Banjos appertaining there unto, and We further grant her as her wages, salaries, and pay for this position all of the Iscreams she cares to enjoy, and further she may enjoy the Torturer's Quarters in Our dungeons and oubliettes, not excluding the use of the swimming pools, executive flying machines, yachts, saunas, wine cellars, chefs, and dining rooms accompanying said Quarters. Long may she wave!

Given on this, the First Year of Our reign, on the 18th day of February and the 7th after Our Birthday.

Emperor Rapparee ® His mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 12:04 PM

I can loan her my banjo.. And a tuner not that it's needed

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gillymor
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 12:17 PM

Don't let all this genuflection and fawning behavior go to your head, Emp, while it's still attached to your neck, that is.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 02:32 PM

RSVP Dear Emperor,
you are honorably invited to The Rotunda at 5 PM Stardate 2344.76'

Chipolte' buffet will be provided in your honor.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 04:23 PM

Mexican food we don't eat no stinking Mexican foids.. Not the emperor he only gets French stuff from the swedish, cajun, Indian, cook

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Severn, E & CP W/ & W/O P to the Emperor
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 04:37 PM

The sign on the door said Rap For Emperor. I rapped and rapped on said door in all sorts of patterns from three times to "Shave & A Haircut" until my fist got sore in case there was some sort of secret code to it all, and I achieved a state of "Rap", sure, but nobody was paying rapped attention, so there was no answer. Maybe I just gave a bum rap (like when I gave my ex a fake fur, a faux fox). I even rang the bell a few times, because the name Rap seemed to ring one, so why shouldn't I, as well? I hate to knock rap for not at least sending a Rapresentitive of some sort to spond at least once, as I knocked for Rap until Taps without any sort of sult at least once. I can only think that Raparee must have temporarily closed down for Rapaires.

I was just trying to bring him the painting I did of our new capital entitled "Rap City In Blue". Oh, well. Tomorrow's yet another one, eh Scarlett? Maybe two......

As I type this,I still remember the Duchy Of Grand Fenwick, that I'd thought Peter had used enough, but if our esteamed up leader wants to send me there, it's there I'm bound, to go along with this gag. Computer mice, alas, do not roar......

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 04:45 PM

Gee thanks, Your Imperialness!

Mwaahaahaahaa.......come into my dungeon, my pretties.....

plink....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 05:52 PM

But, who will be in charge of Takin Names and Kickin Ass? Spaw ain't around no more... he was the best ever. I think it should go to someone with his spirit in the FUCK YOU and the white horse you rode in on you broke dick mamaluccas department. Maybe Big Mick? Now, there's a guy who can, and has, kicked some serious ass. I dunno. Help me out here.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 09:28 PM

Big Mick is and has been the Successor to the late Spaw, and has been the Person In Charge Of Kicking Ass And Taking Names (PICOKAATN) for quite some time. You will address him by his Title and Name: Picokaatn Big Mick SIR!.

We have spoken.

Emperor Rapparee ® His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 09:40 PM

future famous last words


Et tu Big Mick?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 18 Feb 16 - 11:31 PM

I agree with big mick, please note not big dick but mick.. Get it right peasants.. Oh yes

Did you try using the password Severn... I bet not.. It's not just the knocking. Or the girl the emperor knocked up.. But the password has to be used

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Feb 16 - 09:39 AM

We have designated the phrase "Emperor Rapparee Is My Lord And Master And Always Will I Follow His Wise Dictates" as the base for the password, which is "ER!ML@MAawIFHwD." This may be disseminated widely, as Mistress Jennie G. awaits those who befoul this Our realm.

Note ye well, We have put the base phrase and the password in the unbreakable code developed by those worthy denizens of MOAB so that We may pass it on to you.

Given by Our fingers this day the 19th of February, in the first year of Our reign,

Emperor Rapparee ® His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 19 Feb 16 - 10:30 AM

Please note, the password swordfish not longer works due to the grand exhaled emperor bequest

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gillymor
Date: 19 Feb 16 - 11:07 AM

Somebody better tell Harpo.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 20 Feb 16 - 12:06 AM

We will shortly be taking bookings for a tour of the Imperial Dungeons, with the proceeds going straight into the Imperial Coffers (not coffins, you ignorant peasants/pedants) in order to further His Imperial Goodness Gracious Rapparee's munificence to his subjects.

We can guarantee an ear-splittingly finger-wrenchingly good time!

BYO banjo optional. For those who don't have access to such an Instrument of the Gods, some will be available for hire at a modest cost. We won't be asking an arm and a leg.

To book, please reply to [e-mail]. Please have credit/debit/Christmas card details ready.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 20 Feb 16 - 12:30 AM

However   I recall a ban on accordions or was it a band

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: David C. Carter
Date: 20 Feb 16 - 11:28 AM

It was bodhrans

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Feb 16 - 12:53 PM

No music or noise producing instrument is permissible save for the banjos in Our dungeons and that Instrument Of God, the trumpet and its relatives such as the bugle, shofar, lur, cornet, and flugelhorn. No others are permitted without a license granted by Us. Those desiring such a license must entertain Us and Our Court for not less that two continuous hours with no more than two off-key or other false notes offending Our hearing.

Given this 20th day of February in the First Year of Our Reign,

Emperor Rapparee ® His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Feb 16 - 03:20 PM

But the Conch is the most pure in tone while the shofar sounds like the results of a intestinal flu.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 20 Feb 16 - 03:50 PM

Your Imperialness, I was wondering......how about an ensemble of crumhorns and sackbutts?

I was thinking such an ensemble could be useful for torturing the recalcitrant, on the principle that no one could withstand questioning under the dulcet tones emanating therefrom. It could be useful for extracting information previously withheld from Your Good Self.

Yours Respectfully,
Our Imperial Torturer
JennieG

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Feb 16 - 04:18 PM

Our Imperial Torturer, Jennie G., has Our permission to use whatever is necessary to extract information and whatever else has been withheld from Us. She may ten percent of all tangibles as her reward.

Given this 20th Day of February in the first year of Our reign,

Emperor Rapparee    ®   His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 20 Feb 16 - 10:20 PM

Many thanks, Oh Gracious Imperial Sire!

How goes it in other parts of the Great Empire? Being stuck down here in the Imperial Oubliette, as one is, means that one misses out on happenings in the big world out there.

By the Imperial way, that was tangibles not tangerines?

Respectfully Yours,
As Ever,
Our Imperial Torturer
JenieG

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 21 Feb 16 - 06:38 AM

Honey (Murcott) Tangerines are in season. Best thing in the world that you peel. Well, at least second best. I nominate them as The Official Fruit of The Empire.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 21 Feb 16 - 02:04 PM

Reply to Famous Future Last Words----"Oui, je suis Big Mick!....". Some of us retain a bit of our first year French......Followed, of course, with a chorus of "He Ain't Gonna Reigh No More" (or even arraign)......

If they're not tan, why not call them "Orange Gerines"? They DO put the 'tang' in 'tangibles'....

Shofar?--No good! Surely, our musicians could use a good conch or two upside the head Strombus gigas, preferably. Nothing like a little shell shock to raise the general conch-iousness. As long, of course, as they don't end up sounding like Lawrence's Whelk Orchestra, or the like. Lawrence should go back to being a Floren Contractor. A band with accordians that SHOULD be banned, even "The Gossipal Accordian To Lawrence" show on Sundays.......

I'm sure Jennie will be known as "the one who put the 'dung' in dungeons" for eons to come......

Speaking of dung, someone please give me the password, or at least the rest room key, or some words WILL pass, among other things....

After that, if I'm going to Grand Fenwick, I'd better go pack my Duchy Bags.....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 21 Feb 16 - 02:55 PM

Can't stop laughing, you are priceless Severn

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 21 Feb 16 - 03:45 PM

.......And worth every damn penny!

Affordable Art! Even in....uhhhh.....what are they calling the Empire's currency these days?......

I've found that, at least locally, the Empire's currency can't be passed, which bodes ill for the future. I'm swept away by this currency and am unable to reach the banks. Our treasurer informs me that they will forge ahead, nonetheless, nonethemore....

Say, who IS our treasurer, anyway? Whoever it is, Rap should make them a Count for themselves (Or a Countess, if applicable)....

Hey! How come all the various coins have different women's faces on them that all claim to be pictures of Acme? Will they get us through the troll booths? (In the Empire, we apparently get charged for passing UNDER bridges)....

A copper whatever for your thoughts......

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 22 Feb 16 - 11:44 AM

In order to keep inflation down all of our coins are made of highly active uranium. This also spurs the economy by people passing them off to others as soon as they get them. That's why our economy is so strong even if some people have three ears and seven fingers. A small price to pay

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 22 Feb 16 - 11:44 AM

In order to keep inflation down all of our coins are made of highly active uranium. This also spurs the economy by people passing them off to others as soon as they get them. That's why our economy is so strong even if some people have three ears and seven fingers. A small price to pay

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: frogprince
Date: 22 Feb 16 - 05:38 PM

Speaking of troll booths

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 22 Feb 16 - 07:25 PM

Hey, olddude! Get a half-life.....

Does this mean I can empty out my piggy bank into a nuclear reactor and work toward tests to make us a World Power?

Any anium of yours is an anium of mine.

Remember the song "Watching Scotty Glow"? Was that Steve Goodman?.....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 22 Feb 16 - 07:36 PM

Correct Severn

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 23 Feb 16 - 03:32 PM

On all counts?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 23 Feb 16 - 06:30 PM

I am not a count, I am a duke of early

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Feb 16 - 07:15 PM

....of early whereabouts?

Subject: RE: BS: Emp for raperor
From: GUEST,Severn
Date: 24 Feb 16 - 11:48 AM

I thought you were Count Noah. My missed steak, though I can see the deep Dukey side of you, olddudoo. A Discount Viscount would have been my choice for you.....

If the early bird gets the worm, what does the early Duke get?.....

When you die, will you be The Late Duke Of Early or merely The Duke Of Late?......

Wouldst thou put up thy dukes against The Count Of Knight?.....