BS: Rap for emperor

Subject: RE: BS: Rap twice for emptier
From: Severn
Date: 26 Jun 16 - 04:10 PM

As for MY opinion, in the newly established tradition of "You Kill it, you EAT it!",------You Brexit, you BOUGHT it!........

The trouble was that "EU" sounds like something one would say while wincing when being served Snails and Okra with Liver in Sheep Dip Gravy.......

My culinary apologies to any of you in an Escargot Cult ("Order the plane, nothing fancy...."). I guess it's all a matter of taste and the contributions to this thread tend to be a bit "unflavored"....

And, Your Imperialitudity, when you've exhausted all autobahns, there will be no more birds to shoot.....


Snorro    Zzzzzz...    (My Mark)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Jun 16 - 05:15 PM

Oh, my word. Wrestling some more with the online translator. It seems that the chorus at UC Galway won many prizes under Máire Ní Scolaí's direction, according to the Irish Gaelic sleeve notes: "Ghnóthaigh sí féin iomad corn." Which the translator told me was: "She passed herself too much corn."

Well, that does sound downright scatological. But I thought people east of the Atlantic were disgusted with the very idea of eating sweet corn, denouncing it as "pig food."

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Jul 16 - 04:21 PM

What is the imperial opinion of the Idaho potato? Or do I have to submit that question to a Cabinet/Chamber member?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jul 16 - 09:21 PM

We find that, overall, the Idaho potato differs but little from other foods produced en masse for masse consumption. There are, however, exceptions, as many of Our small farmers and even some of Our larger ones are now growing excellent potatoes of other than the russet variety. They produce for Us purples, goldens, creamers, reds, and other varieties which but a few years ago We found difficult to obtain. We do no condone water wastage or the indiscriminate use of -cides and We have Our doubts about the wisdom of spraying dilute hydrochloric acid on the plants a week before harvest to kill the plants and "firm up" the tubers. We do find it good that this practice is giving way to cutting off the plant and leaving the greenery to be used as green fertilizer after harvest.

We believe, and therefore it is true, that the UC Galway notes meant that Máire Ní Scolaí partook a bit much of the juice of the corn.

We hereby amend Our earlier declaration so to exclude members of Our Realm from Our "You kill it, you eat it" policy.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 21 Jul 16 - 08:28 AM

Oh, thank goodness! No need to reset the type.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer,
g (my mark)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jul 16 - 10:25 AM

We are distressed with what Our Imperial Typesetter does to Irish names, as was done in Our last post.

Please be assured that Our oubliette is not yet full. Our Imperial Typesetter has been given a Vision Of The Future and is also so assured. We have been reassured that Our Imperial Typesetter shan't make a similar mistake in the future; We assume that there will be totally different mistakes made.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex      ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Jul 16 - 03:31 PM

Maybe hypertext markup language would keep the Typesetter out of the oubliette.

What says His Imperial Rapness to Severn's "You Brexit You BOUGHT It" opinion?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Jul 16 - 07:39 AM

Rest assured, Oh Most Gracious Sire......there is always room for one more in the oubliette. The more, the merrier!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 22 Jul 16 - 05:36 PM

Great to hear from Jennie G.. Now if Severn would just check in...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jul 16 - 06:19 PM

"Our Imperial Typesetter"? Not me, right? I mean, unless I get a pay raise, take that job and shelve it, eh? Unless you decree same, your Heinous.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer.

g (my mark)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 05:33 PM

Time is neigh to announce your economic team my lord.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 05:46 PM

neigh??

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 08:29 PM

We have been unusually busy with the business of Our Empire and We have not had time to dictate Our decrees. In the interests of Our Realm We shall not do that now, as We enjoy and know Our subjects enjoy surprises.

We have no need of an "economic team" as everything in Our Realm belongs to Us. In Our magnanimity We allow Our subjects to enjoy enjoy these things with Us.

We have no intention of raising Our Imperial Bouncer and Game Warden to the rank of Imperial typesetter. Thus We recommend that he calm himself with a few flagons of his choice tipple and get a good night's sleep. We are quite aware of his deficiencies in education and would never presume that he is literate beyond the modicum needful for daily life.

On Tuesday next and until the Friday following We shall be very busy working on various joints in Our Suzerainty and may not be immediately available to Our subjects. We can only assure you, Our subjects, that these joints shall make life more enjoyable and pleasant in the future.

In the mean time, the floggings shall continue, but hangings are suspended.


Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®         His mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 09:51 PM

"We are quite aware of his deficiencies in education and would never presume that he is literate beyond the modicum needful for daily life."

Well fuck you too, you big Emp.

g, M.Sc.Eng., B.Sc.Eng, P.Eng., (my mark up your ass... plus, I can outgun you and all your fancy fuckin ordnance in the bush with a $300 o/u 12 ga Baikal any fuckin day of the week because I am the most badass Imperial Game Warden there ever was. Put a hole in the hole, me.)

The Emperor has no ammo.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Aug 16 - 10:12 PM

The board of intelligentsia has submitted their final version of Emperor election reform:

The election winner must win 3 or 4 out of a total of four requirements

It is a combination of 3 tests and the popular vote. The electoral college is canceled.

exam 1- foreign policy             made by pentagon& State Dept
exam 2-domestic policy             made by HUD NIH HLS Treas.DOL
exam 3-a game of chess
test 4-general election

In the event of a 2-2 tie the popular vote will be a tie breaker.

All gerrymandering is now illegal.

If the popular vote tie breaker is too close to call within .1% the candidates will have a pissing contest winner take all.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 01:17 AM

Good gnu, We do not find you deficient, but simply lacking. We Ourselves have a MS, BA, CDSA, Adv. Lib. Mng. Cert., and other silly things. As for outgunning or outshooting Us, We invite you to come visit and together we shall see. We shall use Our smaller 20 gauge side-by-side double, but if you insist We can use Our 12 gauge side-by-side; neither of them cost Us more than two hundred US dollars, but they meet Our wants. We can also provide classic 1892 model rifles should you wish to shoot something else. We shall be delighted to have you as a guest in Our humble, but adequate, mountain chalet in the mountains of Idaho.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex      (R)    His Alternate Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 08:06 AM

tabled again
and still the floggings continue until morale improves.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 03:03 PM

"We are quite aware of his deficiencies in education and would never presume that he is literate beyond the modicum needful for daily life." >>> "Good gnu, We do not find you deficient, but simply lacking."

Who are you? Donald Hump?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 03:13 PM

Oops... I forgot my mark, g.

Sorry about that, Humperious Wreck.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Aug 16 - 03:38 PM

We suggest, good gnu, that you control yourself or We shall have to have the Imperial Bouncer deal with you.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rx          ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 07 Aug 16 - 07:05 AM

And just WHO would that be, Rex? Shall I give you a hint?... ME.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter   g   My mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 16 - 09:03 AM

Ah, but you are not Keeper of the Imperial Oubliette.. (We had it constructed for double duty, nay, triple or even more numerous duties.)



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®            His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Aug 16 - 04:21 PM

where is Severn when you need him?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 08 Aug 16 - 01:23 AM

Gnu......come on down! We have single, double and triple suites, and even a family suite should a client find it difficult to leave a partner and kiddies behind.

Remember now - the family that is slayed together stays together!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 16 - 12:31 PM

Ah, yes. Our Imperial Torturer hasn't had a lot of business of late. We find she is soliciting some to keep her hands busy, which We find quite admirable. Go on, Imperial Torturer, and rack 'em up! Whip up some business! Put the screws to them! Burn the midnight oil!
You have Our permission to do so, as long as there is a fair trial before the malefactors are found guilty, or We adjudge so.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       (r)    His alternate mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 02:23 AM

Oh Great One, I am thinking of a campaign to put the Imperial Oubliette out there in the public eye, and to this end have started to think on a slogan/s to be used for that purpose.

Something along the lines of "Come and stay with us - we will flay you to your heart's content", perhaps? The linking of stay/slay/flay is there in the back of my mind......

A suitable soundtrack could be Tom Lehrer's "Masochism Tango", methinks.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Senoufou
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 04:05 AM

Most High Imperial Torturer,

May I, as a humble oubliette-cleaner, respectfully offer my services as the Imperial Whip-Wiper and Shackle-Shiner?

References may be obtained from Mr V.T. Impaler as to my punctuality and efficiency.

Mme Senoufou, (Nettoyeuse Extraordinaire)

Her mark S

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 10:22 AM

Despite the EMPORER's decimation of its critics the scandal regarding missing scroll mails continue to swell. Wrongful racking suits are being filed with the royal nasty commission RNC.
Some have dared to say our lord should not be allowed to have his finger on the button of the trebuchet arsenal.

Under ground stirrings are rumored that peasants are referring to our vengeful lord as El Douche instead of el Duce'. This bears the signature of a real dictatorial crisis. Where will it all end ???

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 04:15 PM

Yeah? Well somebody has to get the blighters TO the Imperial Oubliette and that's my job so, when you say I am gonna have to bounce myself, I gotta wonder if yer scepter is still sighted in proper like, eh IRex?

As far as fancy shotguns what you cost dirt, I can only assume that's because you bought 'em ages ago. As far as yer fancy riffles, nah, my cheapass Commie shotgun is all I need on the range because it works REAL good in the fly infested bog country of Kent County, New Brunswick where the trees are thicker than the flies so it'll be just fine on the range up to 150m on accounta I still have CIL ammo. Nowadays, we gotta load our own if we want decent ammo on accounta you Yanks brought in all yer cheapass store-bought ammo and put CIL outta business. Years ago, I had high brass up the ass... now, all I can buy is low steel crap. Good for shootin sparrows on the clotheline but useless in the one-by-ones (one inch diameter pines one inch apart).

No disrespect intended. Well, some but not a lot.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter   g   My mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 10:26 PM

Dear gnu, We assume you are referring to ammunition such as this. We assure you that We have in Our armories the very reality of that picture, a full box of fifty rounds. We suggest that you either eat your heart out or come visit Our mountain chalet, for if you do We will graciously and magnanimously allow you to shoot these bullets. We will allow you to use a rifle from your youth, misspent though it was. Your tears of gratitude and nostalgia would be Our only reward.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 16 - 06:46 AM

My dear subjects, We must go on a journey of but a few days. We have learned that the Imperial Whisky Works is in need of an inspection and so, once again, We must labour for the Good Of All. We shall not be shirking Our duties, no matter how much we would like to enjoy the sun and the beach. Nay, We must work for the good of this, Our realm. We only ask that you keep Us and Our oubliette in your loving thoughts.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 10 Aug 16 - 06:05 PM

Good Sire, all of here in the deep dark underground regions of your kingdom send their best wishes for a good outcome and a speedy recovery!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Aug 16 - 09:54 AM

I freely admit to pretty much ignoring this thread. I posted once in its early days and have rarely even opened it since. I also admit to openly ignoring Emperor Rapparee's derivative attempts at fiction writing on another thread. In both instances, I have greatly enjoyed said ignorings. In fact, I have become so expert at ignoring all things associated with Emperor Rapparee that I believe myself to be supremely qualified for appointment to The Emperor's Royal Court as "The Emperor's Royal Ignorer".*

If, in His Royal Estimation, I am found to be qualified for such an esteemed post, please have a lackey notify me by Private Message. Please do not post a response in this thread as there is an extremely high likelihood it will be ignored.

Should my petition be denied, let it hereby be known that I am also available for the position of "Royal Pain in the Ass" if said position has not been filled by some other yahoo.

* Not to be confused with "The Emperor's Royal Ignoramus", that being another thing altogether and one which should properly be reserved for former Mudcatter Tweed, should he ever deign to honor us again with his presence.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Aug 16 - 05:15 PM

Glad to see his Imperious Rex-ness talking vegetables at MOAB. Hope the procedure was successful.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 16 - 03:14 PM

We have never had any intention of naming Bee-Dubya-Ell to the post of "Royal Ignoramus." Such an action would demean Ourself! Therefore, We name Bee-Dubya-Ell, at his request, to the position of Royal Ignorer, and We further endow him with the title of Imperial Ignoramus. The latter is far more in keeping with Our dignity than a simple "Royal." When acting as Royal Ignorer We permit him to use the mark of {ri} and when acting as Imperial Ignoramus to use the mark [II]. The first is pronounced "rye" and the second "eye-eye." The appropriate brackets must also be used, as no documents he might utter are will be official without them.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         (r)      His Alternate Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 15 Aug 16 - 11:49 PM

"If you want to go foraging into the wilds of Canada without proper gear, you deserve what you get, even if that happens to include being attacked by an undead moose." 
― Mira Grant

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 16 Aug 16 - 12:08 AM

"Let's broaden the definition of 'necessary." 
― Howard Tayler

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Aug 16 - 02:02 PM

His Imperial Rexness is back on his feet and in motion!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 30 Aug 16 - 02:39 PM

Undead moozzzze do not attack. They defend. All who harass undead moozzzze are subject to severe penalties including fine(s), forfeiture of all used in such harassment including all manner of transport, equipment and clothing, and any and all other that Our Emperor deems befitting.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter   g   My mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Aug 16 - 04:57 PM

This thread has been ignored by the entire membership of the Mudcat Cafe since August 16! That's two full weeks of being ignored by thousands hundreds tens of people other than myself!

Listen up, people! By appointment of Emperor Rapparee, I am the Royal Ignorer {ri}, not you! Ignoring this thread is my job, not yours! Why, I bet none of you people are even members of The Ignorers' Union!

Future instances of ignoring this thread by anyone other than myself will result in dire consequences! You have been warned! Capice?


Bee-dubya-ell, Royal Ignorer {ri}

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Sep 16 - 07:49 PM

Severn! Your puns are needed! Quit doing Bee Dubya Ell's job of ignoring this thread, wake up, and come on back here!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 16 - 10:00 AM

Most excellent job, Royal Ignorer. We heartily commend and condemn you for it!

'Tis true, We are back on Our feet after suffering a coup de Jarnac whilst defending this, Our realm. Nay, We cannot yet skip and gambol like a baby goat in Springtime, but We are able to mount stairs and, if need arise, Our Imperial Warhorse while wearing Our Imperial armor or armour, as the case may be.

Soon you will again be able to contribute to Our welfare another ten percentum of all you possess, and We know that this will be done with a willing and generous hearts. Those heartless who do not wish to contribute will, indeed, remain truly heartless throughout Our Imperial Eternity.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 09 Sep 16 - 11:44 AM

Free whiskey from the emperor?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 09 Sep 16 - 08:30 PM

Free whickey, or whisky?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Oct 16 - 11:55 PM

It seems that Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex has an alter ego called the Evil Overlord, to judge posts onto a much longer and older Mudcat BS thread. Or, as one subject titled him, A Neevil Overlord.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Oct 16 - 02:06 PM

JennieG, respected and estimable Imperial Torturer, did you care to respond to Eliza a/k/a/ Senoufou's offer to be Nettoyeuse Extraordinaire?
Also, your reputation has preceded you to the Mother of All BS threads where somebody we both know have mentioned you by office.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 12 Oct 16 - 05:36 PM

Wow, fancy that......fame at last!

Right now the Imperial Torturer (for which title I daily thank the Great Emperor Rapparee) is on holidays with Himself, staying in a campground on the north coast of New South Wales, getting refreshed and ready for the next sessions in the Imperial Oubliette.

However, Oh Great Sire, the main topic of local news here has given me a few ideas for future reference - shark attacks happen in this area with almost monotonous regularity, including yet another (not fatal) yesterday. I am thinking that a shark or two in a large tank could be useful additions to said Oubliette? What do you reckon?

A few hours swimming with a Great White would go a long way towards breaking the most recalcitrant wrongdoer.

Jennie G
Imperial Torturer etc.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 12 Oct 16 - 06:21 PM

Sharks are for culling the herd and we seem to be falling behind. I suspect we shall have to gather some undesirables from the US presidential race and cover them with chum and chuck 'em in the salt. Usually, we in the department use tranquilizer darts for dangerous animals but, for this crowd, nah... we'll just rope 'em and chuck 'em.


Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter, g (my mark*).

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 16 - 08:53 PM

We find that the ideas have great merit and should be implemented as soon as possible. We suggest a ramp made of soapstone or other materials up which the subjects could run before sliding back into communion with the sharks. Perhaps what We understand are called "bungee cords" might also be amusing, but We would not want to torture the poor sharks too much by pulling their repast away.

We also understand that there are fish which are called "garra rufa" or "doctor fish" which are used for pedicures. Perhaps these might be hybridized by a cross with Pygocentrus nattereri, et al. to create a new fish We have named the "Nibbler." We would like Our Imperial Game Warden to begin this work immediately.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex             ®          His mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 02:31 PM

Ach, Severn, where were you when Ed T. quoted the quote about undead moose in Canada? Come back already!