BS: Rap for emperor

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Dec 16 - 08:19 PM

Just saying a wistful farewell to this thread, which has been mightily efficaceous in the lifting of spirits during this tumultuous year.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 16 - 10:55 AM

We wish all of Our subject would inform Us of what they, in their humble way, did to celebrate this day. In that way the gaiety might be shared among all.

Thank you, Imperial Torturer, for your diligence. You may add "Semi-merciful" to your title.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    (a)    His mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 23 Nov 16 - 11:28 PM

Message received loud and clear, Oh Great One! The chains will be relaxed for those few hours, and I shall lead a chorus of miscreants in praise for your magnanimity. Woe betide anyone whose voice is not raised loud and clear, as no mumbling or squeaking will be tolerated. Mumblers and squeakers will find a few extra years added to their sentences.

Also, may I be the first to extend to you and your gathering of friends my best wishes for much sharing and joy at Thanksgiving?

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Nov 16 - 08:32 PM

In Our district of the United States of America tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. We are spending it in Our subdistrict of Indiana, enjoying a tasteful repast with Our friends.

We encourage all of Our subjects to be thankful tomorrow for all that We have given them.

As a special gift We hereby direct Our Imperial Torturer to allow the toes of all of the prisoners to touch the ground tomorrow between the hours of 0100 and 1700 GMT. The prisoners are also to be allowed 0.05 kilograms of fresh bread and 0.5 liters of clean water for their meal of thanksgiving as a sign of Our Imperial Mercy.

The rest of Our subjects may, within the bounds of decorum, raise a ruckus.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          (r)       His alternate mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 16 - 10:23 PM

We hereby appoint Bee-Dubya-Ell Our Imperial Speller. Among other things his duties include casting spells, after Our approval, of course. We do hope that when he is casting spells here and there he doesn't harm anyone.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex    (r)   His alternate mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Nov 16 - 12:47 PM

If the Imperious One can forgive His misspellings, I guess I can forgive mine -- one of those insidious misspellings, I see, that the spell-checker does not detect, since it passes muster as a different word with a different meaning. Under the car, indeed.

I had no idea how badly I needed a good belly laugh.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Nov 16 - 08:44 PM

I read those Madeline books to my daughter when she was young. I don't remember a story in which Madeline was "under the car of Miss Clavel". Or anyone else's car, for that matter. What was she doing under the car? Changing its oil? Adjusting its brakes? Are you sure it wasn't Curious George who was under the car? Sounds more like his style.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Nov 16 - 08:03 PM

We forgive Our misspellings.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       (r)    His alternate mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Nov 16 - 12:40 PM

O Gracious Imperious Rex the Ex Librarian,
you bring a smile to my face when you refer to Nurse Cavell as "Clavell," for it reminds me of Ludwig Bemelmans' books from my childhood, about Madeleine/Madeline under the car of Miss Clavel at the orphanage.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Nov 16 - 10:08 PM

You found a rusty old boat in a book? Looks like it used to be The Imperial Garbage Scow.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Nov 16 - 06:29 PM

We are aware of pibrochs being found in numerous, unexpected, place. We know of a plumber, Paul, who placed a pibroch in his pants; he was, naturally, arrested when his drones dangled. This was in violation of Our legal Code which for obvious reasons damns dangling drones.

The question of whether you should inform the BM* of your discovery should be resolved in favo(u)r of doing so. We suggest doing so only after transcribing said discovery and submitting it to an appropriate Learned Journal, such as The International Journal of Pibroch Studies or Occasional Pipes and Pibroch Papers. On the other hand, you might find that this place, of which We quite approve, may be interested.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex      (r)      His alternate mark


*British Museum. While We know that Edith Clavell was a nurse We do not approve of BMs in Our messages.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Nov 16 - 01:55 PM

Just had a really short haircut as part of the grieving process for, you know, what happened since the previous post.

On my continuing educational rambles, the occasional surprise claims my attention. An episode of "Once Upon A Time" on network television introduced me, through Robert Carlyle's melodious Scots reading, to the poet and "Great War" veteran, Murdoch Maclean from Kintail in the West Highlands. Researching him further, I ordered from the British Library Imaging Department, a photocopy of the poem, as well as the song, written in honor of Edith Cavell. The delivery was yesterday.

The photocopy of the 1917-ish print, published in Stirling, brought me more than I bargained for. Maclean's English poem was just inside. Following this was a song melody, with keyboard accompaniment; squeezed into the sheet music were two lyrics: the selfsame English poem by Maclean, and a Scottish Gaelic lyric by Malcolm MacFarlane; the tune was to be sung with the lyric of one's choice. So far, no surprises, as this was all in the British Library catalog description, along with all the info on the outside front page:
all profits from sale going to the Scottish Edith Cavell Fund, dedication to Nurse Cavell's grieving mother, and more of the same.

Then the final page of the printed song, and on the page following it, is what appears to be a pibroch! Author credit is given to "Jas. Wilson, Pipe Major. Q.V.S. [Queen Victoria School?] Dunblane." The little tune is labeled "Lament for Nurse Cavell." The British Library never so much as hinted at this. A genuine surprise. I am looking at it as I enter this post.

What, O Imperious Retired Librarian, do you make of this discovery?
Is it good news, or bad? Is it harmless, or infectious? Should I advise the British Library of the hidden pibroch in their archives?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Nov 16 - 03:31 PM

And his Imperiousness is off for Illinois.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 27 Oct 16 - 08:28 AM

Yes. One of my qualifications is a B.Sc. in flyology I earned at the University of The Fly Infested Bog Country of Kent County New Brunswick.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter, g (my mark)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 26 Oct 16 - 04:11 PM

Is the Black fly/mosquito herding waren job taken yet?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 26 Oct 16 - 01:28 PM

Yo EMP! I am a game warden. Ya want someone to hoe a new roe, you'll have to appoint an Imperial Biologist.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter, g (my mark)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Oct 16 - 06:33 PM

Now I can stop bugging Severn to get over to this thread. Severn is in grand form being an Ick Theologist on the Old Dude thread, and Rapparee the Evil Overlord isn't doing so badly either over there.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Oct 16 - 07:32 AM

Rules for the ruler 

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 07:45 PM

Just thought I'd take a quick break from ignoring this thread to post a reminder for the Keeper of the Imperial Wardrobe. (There is a Keeper of the Imperial Wardrobe, isn't there? If not, someone needs to apply for the job, pronto.) Cold weather is just around the corner, and His Imperial Majesty is fond of wintertime outdoor activities. Please be absolutely certain that The Emperor has snow clothes.


I shall now resume ignoring this thread.


Bee-dubya-ell, Royal Ignorer {ri}

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 07:05 PM

"Men in general judge more by the sense of sight than by the sense of touch, because everyone can see but only a few can test by feeling. Everyone sees what you seem to be, few know what you really are; and those few do not dare take a stand against the general opinion."
Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 06:59 PM

"In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is king" 
 Michael Lewis

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Oct 16 - 02:31 PM

Ach, Severn, where were you when Ed T. quoted the quote about undead moose in Canada? Come back already!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 16 - 08:53 PM

We find that the ideas have great merit and should be implemented as soon as possible. We suggest a ramp made of soapstone or other materials up which the subjects could run before sliding back into communion with the sharks. Perhaps what We understand are called "bungee cords" might also be amusing, but We would not want to torture the poor sharks too much by pulling their repast away.

We also understand that there are fish which are called "garra rufa" or "doctor fish" which are used for pedicures. Perhaps these might be hybridized by a cross with Pygocentrus nattereri, et al. to create a new fish We have named the "Nibbler." We would like Our Imperial Game Warden to begin this work immediately.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex             ®          His mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 12 Oct 16 - 06:21 PM

Sharks are for culling the herd and we seem to be falling behind. I suspect we shall have to gather some undesirables from the US presidential race and cover them with chum and chuck 'em in the salt. Usually, we in the department use tranquilizer darts for dangerous animals but, for this crowd, nah... we'll just rope 'em and chuck 'em.


Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter, g (my mark*).

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 12 Oct 16 - 05:36 PM

Wow, fancy that......fame at last!

Right now the Imperial Torturer (for which title I daily thank the Great Emperor Rapparee) is on holidays with Himself, staying in a campground on the north coast of New South Wales, getting refreshed and ready for the next sessions in the Imperial Oubliette.

However, Oh Great Sire, the main topic of local news here has given me a few ideas for future reference - shark attacks happen in this area with almost monotonous regularity, including yet another (not fatal) yesterday. I am thinking that a shark or two in a large tank could be useful additions to said Oubliette? What do you reckon?

A few hours swimming with a Great White would go a long way towards breaking the most recalcitrant wrongdoer.

Jennie G
Imperial Torturer etc.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Oct 16 - 02:06 PM

JennieG, respected and estimable Imperial Torturer, did you care to respond to Eliza a/k/a/ Senoufou's offer to be Nettoyeuse Extraordinaire?
Also, your reputation has preceded you to the Mother of All BS threads where somebody we both know have mentioned you by office.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Oct 16 - 11:55 PM

It seems that Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex has an alter ego called the Evil Overlord, to judge posts onto a much longer and older Mudcat BS thread. Or, as one subject titled him, A Neevil Overlord.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 09 Sep 16 - 08:30 PM

Free whickey, or whisky?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 09 Sep 16 - 11:44 AM

Free whiskey from the emperor?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Sep 16 - 10:00 AM

Most excellent job, Royal Ignorer. We heartily commend and condemn you for it!

'Tis true, We are back on Our feet after suffering a coup de Jarnac whilst defending this, Our realm. Nay, We cannot yet skip and gambol like a baby goat in Springtime, but We are able to mount stairs and, if need arise, Our Imperial Warhorse while wearing Our Imperial armor or armour, as the case may be.

Soon you will again be able to contribute to Our welfare another ten percentum of all you possess, and We know that this will be done with a willing and generous hearts. Those heartless who do not wish to contribute will, indeed, remain truly heartless throughout Our Imperial Eternity.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Sep 16 - 07:49 PM

Severn! Your puns are needed! Quit doing Bee Dubya Ell's job of ignoring this thread, wake up, and come on back here!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Aug 16 - 04:57 PM

This thread has been ignored by the entire membership of the Mudcat Cafe since August 16! That's two full weeks of being ignored by thousands hundreds tens of people other than myself!

Listen up, people! By appointment of Emperor Rapparee, I am the Royal Ignorer {ri}, not you! Ignoring this thread is my job, not yours! Why, I bet none of you people are even members of The Ignorers' Union!

Future instances of ignoring this thread by anyone other than myself will result in dire consequences! You have been warned! Capice?


Bee-dubya-ell, Royal Ignorer {ri}

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 30 Aug 16 - 02:39 PM

Undead moozzzze do not attack. They defend. All who harass undead moozzzze are subject to severe penalties including fine(s), forfeiture of all used in such harassment including all manner of transport, equipment and clothing, and any and all other that Our Emperor deems befitting.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter   g   My mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Aug 16 - 02:02 PM

His Imperial Rexness is back on his feet and in motion!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 16 Aug 16 - 12:08 AM

"Let's broaden the definition of 'necessary." 
― Howard Tayler

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Ed T
Date: 15 Aug 16 - 11:49 PM

"If you want to go foraging into the wilds of Canada without proper gear, you deserve what you get, even if that happens to include being attacked by an undead moose." 
― Mira Grant

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Aug 16 - 03:14 PM

We have never had any intention of naming Bee-Dubya-Ell to the post of "Royal Ignoramus." Such an action would demean Ourself! Therefore, We name Bee-Dubya-Ell, at his request, to the position of Royal Ignorer, and We further endow him with the title of Imperial Ignoramus. The latter is far more in keeping with Our dignity than a simple "Royal." When acting as Royal Ignorer We permit him to use the mark of {ri} and when acting as Imperial Ignoramus to use the mark [II]. The first is pronounced "rye" and the second "eye-eye." The appropriate brackets must also be used, as no documents he might utter are will be official without them.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         (r)      His Alternate Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Aug 16 - 05:15 PM

Glad to see his Imperious Rex-ness talking vegetables at MOAB. Hope the procedure was successful.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Aug 16 - 09:54 AM

I freely admit to pretty much ignoring this thread. I posted once in its early days and have rarely even opened it since. I also admit to openly ignoring Emperor Rapparee's derivative attempts at fiction writing on another thread. In both instances, I have greatly enjoyed said ignorings. In fact, I have become so expert at ignoring all things associated with Emperor Rapparee that I believe myself to be supremely qualified for appointment to The Emperor's Royal Court as "The Emperor's Royal Ignorer".*

If, in His Royal Estimation, I am found to be qualified for such an esteemed post, please have a lackey notify me by Private Message. Please do not post a response in this thread as there is an extremely high likelihood it will be ignored.

Should my petition be denied, let it hereby be known that I am also available for the position of "Royal Pain in the Ass" if said position has not been filled by some other yahoo.

* Not to be confused with "The Emperor's Royal Ignoramus", that being another thing altogether and one which should properly be reserved for former Mudcatter Tweed, should he ever deign to honor us again with his presence.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 10 Aug 16 - 06:05 PM

Good Sire, all of here in the deep dark underground regions of your kingdom send their best wishes for a good outcome and a speedy recovery!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Aug 16 - 06:46 AM

My dear subjects, We must go on a journey of but a few days. We have learned that the Imperial Whisky Works is in need of an inspection and so, once again, We must labour for the Good Of All. We shall not be shirking Our duties, no matter how much we would like to enjoy the sun and the beach. Nay, We must work for the good of this, Our realm. We only ask that you keep Us and Our oubliette in your loving thoughts.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 10:26 PM

Dear gnu, We assume you are referring to ammunition such as this. We assure you that We have in Our armories the very reality of that picture, a full box of fifty rounds. We suggest that you either eat your heart out or come visit Our mountain chalet, for if you do We will graciously and magnanimously allow you to shoot these bullets. We will allow you to use a rifle from your youth, misspent though it was. Your tears of gratitude and nostalgia would be Our only reward.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: gnu
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 04:15 PM

Yeah? Well somebody has to get the blighters TO the Imperial Oubliette and that's my job so, when you say I am gonna have to bounce myself, I gotta wonder if yer scepter is still sighted in proper like, eh IRex?

As far as fancy shotguns what you cost dirt, I can only assume that's because you bought 'em ages ago. As far as yer fancy riffles, nah, my cheapass Commie shotgun is all I need on the range because it works REAL good in the fly infested bog country of Kent County, New Brunswick where the trees are thicker than the flies so it'll be just fine on the range up to 150m on accounta I still have CIL ammo. Nowadays, we gotta load our own if we want decent ammo on accounta you Yanks brought in all yer cheapass store-bought ammo and put CIL outta business. Years ago, I had high brass up the ass... now, all I can buy is low steel crap. Good for shootin sparrows on the clotheline but useless in the one-by-ones (one inch diameter pines one inch apart).

No disrespect intended. Well, some but not a lot.

Our Imperial Game Warden, Our Chief Imperial Enforcer and Bouncer, Our Imperial Typesetter   g   My mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 10:22 AM

Despite the EMPORER's decimation of its critics the scandal regarding missing scroll mails continue to swell. Wrongful racking suits are being filed with the royal nasty commission RNC.
Some have dared to say our lord should not be allowed to have his finger on the button of the trebuchet arsenal.

Under ground stirrings are rumored that peasants are referring to our vengeful lord as El Douche instead of el Duce'. This bears the signature of a real dictatorial crisis. Where will it all end ???

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Senoufou
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 04:05 AM

Most High Imperial Torturer,

May I, as a humble oubliette-cleaner, respectfully offer my services as the Imperial Whip-Wiper and Shackle-Shiner?

References may be obtained from Mr V.T. Impaler as to my punctuality and efficiency.

Mme Senoufou, (Nettoyeuse Extraordinaire)

Her mark S

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 09 Aug 16 - 02:23 AM

Oh Great One, I am thinking of a campaign to put the Imperial Oubliette out there in the public eye, and to this end have started to think on a slogan/s to be used for that purpose.

Something along the lines of "Come and stay with us - we will flay you to your heart's content", perhaps? The linking of stay/slay/flay is there in the back of my mind......

A suitable soundtrack could be Tom Lehrer's "Masochism Tango", methinks.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Aug 16 - 12:31 PM

Ah, yes. Our Imperial Torturer hasn't had a lot of business of late. We find she is soliciting some to keep her hands busy, which We find quite admirable. Go on, Imperial Torturer, and rack 'em up! Whip up some business! Put the screws to them! Burn the midnight oil!
You have Our permission to do so, as long as there is a fair trial before the malefactors are found guilty, or We adjudge so.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       (r)    His alternate mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 08 Aug 16 - 01:23 AM

Gnu......come on down! We have single, double and triple suites, and even a family suite should a client find it difficult to leave a partner and kiddies behind.

Remember now - the family that is slayed together stays together!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
(*) Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Raparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Aug 16 - 04:21 PM

where is Severn when you need him?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Aug 16 - 09:03 AM

Ah, but you are not Keeper of the Imperial Oubliette.. (We had it constructed for double duty, nay, triple or even more numerous duties.)



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®            His Mark