Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Date: 12 Mar 17 - 07:33 PM His Imperial Rapness, if all the preceding were not enough, may have to contend with Winter Storm Stella as he heads for Norway... |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Date: 16 Mar 17 - 01:12 PM The faithful Gnu has posted elsewhere, that Mister and Missus Rapturous got beyond Winter Storm Stella, and made it to Oslo, Norway, praise be. |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Date: 22 Mar 17 - 03:18 PM And are now, together, on the cruise as planned. Imperial Torture-atrix, how goes it with your domicile? Are you recovering from the flooding? |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Date: 29 Mar 17 - 11:28 PM Thank you, keberoxu, for your kind thoughts! Right now we are waiting to hear from the insurance company which of two companies will be fixing the kitchen and laying what seems like several acres of new floor tiles. After that is done the new carpet can be laid and new furniture can be bought to replace that which had to be thrown out. However, next Wednesday Himself and I will be setting out on an adventure. We are driving 720 kms south to Canberra, the capital of our realm, to attend the National Folk Festival and to visit family (our older son, his wife and our grandkid live in Canberra) before heading even further south for a coastal visit, then back home. We will be away for five weeks. Himself was being slightly foolishly optimistic when he anticipated all the house repairs would be finished in a week or so. I kept telling him, no it won't be......and now he believes me. |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Date: 06 Apr 17 - 01:57 PM Rap the Rapturous and his Imperial Spouse are returned. Trouble is brewing with the Barber-Chirurgiens. |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Date: 06 Apr 17 - 02:17 PM A rogue wave. Then a shipwreck. And NO Northern Lights??? I dare say eyes will ROLL!!! |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Date: 07 Apr 17 - 09:42 AM We are considering sending one or more of Our triremes to the seas around Norway, simply as a frightening deterrent. Their "drakken" long ships do not Us or Our Realm! We will have Our sailors throw tomahawks at them as a warning that if they do not do a better job of controlling their seas We will step in and do it for them and We will insure that they pay for it! Yes, We are annoyed. We thought better of Norway! Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark The Magnanimous, the Invincible, the Just, the Merciful, Pontifex Maximus, the Forgiving, the kindhearted, the Dependable, the Classy, the Unblemished, the Apt, the Tolerable, the Irreprehensible, the Adroit, the Admirable (this list is incomplete, but choose two for use at any given time). |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Date: 07 Apr 17 - 11:30 AM I bet you think this post is about you |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Date: 07 Apr 17 - 03:51 PM Our Imperial Alchemists have recently devised a truly frightening detergent. Applications for naval warfare are being studied. Please advise. |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Date: 07 Apr 17 - 09:40 PM Perhaps it will permit Our ships to slip past Our enemies. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark the Sociable, the Credible, the Righteous, Shepherd Of His People, Vicar of Vicars, the Discrete, Successor to Njord, Tamer of Fenrir, Chainer of Jörmungandr, the Forebearing, Rider of Y Ddraig Goch, Dagda, the Good. |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: gnu Date: 08 Apr 17 - 03:49 PM Donuel... good one! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icIVqCUVF_A |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Date: 08 Apr 17 - 07:04 PM Bon voyage, Imperial Torturer and entourage. |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Date: 08 Apr 17 - 10:13 PM Yes, We wish you a voyage better than Our last one. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex @ His Mark the Understanding, the Empathetic, the Commiserative, the Kindhearted, the Harmonious, the Accepted, Bane of the Base Born, Who saith, An hugrekki, An dyrð |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Date: 09 Apr 17 - 09:27 PM I listened to the whole thing. Rap You have stumped me. There are clues to a translation but they elude me. It stinks to be stumped, I think language remains my weakest link, you fink. Maybe the saying would look good in ink on the pink brink of my brow. The Overture of Torture: Act -III, scene I.7 |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Date: 10 Apr 17 - 08:56 AM Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex the Understanding, the Empathetic, the Commiserative, the Kindhearted, the Harmonious, the Accepted, Bane of the Base Born, Who saith, An hugrekki, An dyrð ___________ This is the biggest policy turn around since Trump fired missiles at Syria. What happened on that comedy of errors cruise? |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 10 Apr 17 - 03:12 PM What happened on the ill-fated cruise is that Emperpor Rapparee fell under the delusion that He is either the reincarnation of a really bad-ass Viking warrior or the living avatar of a minor Norse deity. One must suppose the novelty of being an omnipotent faux emperor has worn a bit thin, thus requiring His Emperiousness to delve into new realms of specious fantasy. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Date: 10 Apr 17 - 10:44 PM We have posted the qualities suggested to Us and which We feel are the most significant descriptors of Us. We had promised to do this some time back. But We have not added those which describe Us in violent terms, such a Father of Blood Eagles even if they are sometimes pertinent to Our justice. Donuel, We suggest you try Icelandic. Google Translate can help you. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Amos Date: 11 Apr 17 - 12:06 AM I have decided to seell Rapaaire. You all know his history. I will sell him for fifty cents $US, which is damn cheap. Four bits and you can have him lock, stock and barrel of horsepucky. You have heard how he has been called Imperial Grace, the Good, the Strong the Brave, Molder of the Sea and Master of the Lands, the Gracious and Benevolent. And in light of all these virtues, you well may ask why I would sell him for so little. And I will tell you why. The reason is, he's a damn liar, you see. Truth is, he don't have NONE of them qualities. Sent your four bits and a large SASE to me c/o the Mudcat and I will see you are treated fairly, for once. |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Date: 11 Apr 17 - 09:11 AM "...he don't have...." We are pleased that We did not name you Imperial Grammarian instead of Imperial Nay-Sayer. Also, We are pleased that you are fulfilling your charge as Imperial Nay-Sayer admirably. We shall, for the moment, overlook that you are nay-saying about Us. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince Date: 11 Apr 17 - 09:32 AM "a large SASE" I checked at Office Depot and they didn't have any that were even close to big enough; they suggested I look online for an odor-and-leak-proof body bag. |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Date: 11 Apr 17 - 03:32 PM We suggest the lined, military grade, body bags here. We also suggest that you look at their protective apparel, as We know from experience what moving a leaking body bag can entail. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Date: 12 Apr 17 - 01:45 PM Thinking of Rap the Rapturous as his Imperial Spouse prepares for surgery tomorrow. |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Date: 21 Apr 17 - 03:10 PM And sending well-wishes to the convalescent Imperial Spouse. |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Date: 21 Apr 17 - 04:55 PM Will Iceland be the key to your Imperial Corporate Inversion scheme? |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Date: 21 Apr 17 - 11:07 PM We are not a scheming rogue, such as those who reside around the "District of Columbia." Indeed, Our Imperial Spouse deliberately left that area (in which She was born and raised) when She was 17. She found it too stifling and much too small of a town for Her taste. For much the same reason We left Our hometown. Patricia is doing well after Her surgery eight days ago. She has little stamina, but that will return. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Date: 22 Apr 17 - 05:22 PM Imperious Rex's imperial Spouse has had a hectic time of it. Hope she is having a well-deserved rest and continues to progress in her recovery. |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Date: 22 Apr 17 - 07:49 PM Rapaire may not be a real emperor or possess many of the traits his title proposes Amos, however there are a few things he does experience or have, instead of just thinking of doing or having; If he were to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume. He once ran a marathon, because it was on his way. Mosquitos refuse to bite him purely out of respect. If he were to mispronounce your name, you would feel compelled to change it. If opportunity knocks, and he's not home, opportunity waits. His mother has a tattoo that reads: 'Son' His two cents is worth $37 in change. Once, a rattlesnake bit him. After five days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died. When he has a 50/50 shot, the odds are 80/20 in his favor. He has won the lifetime achievement award, twice. His words carry weight that would break a less interesting man's jaw He taught Trump how to exaggerate. He gave his father "the talk" His passport requires no photograph When he drives a car off the lot, its price increases in value Once a rattlesnake bit him, after 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died His 5 de Mayo party starts on the 8th of March His feet don't get blisters, but his shoes do He once went to the psychic, to warn her If he were to punch you in the face you would have to fight off a strong urge to thank him Whatever side of the tracks he's currently on is the right side, even if he crosses the tracks he'll still be on the right side He can speak Russian… in French He never says something tastes like chicken.. not even chicken Superman has pajamas with his logo His tears can cure cancer, too bad he never cries The circus ran away to join him Bear hugs are what he gives bears He once brought a knife to a gunfight… just to even the odds When he meets the Pope, the Pope kisses his ring His friends call him by his name, his enemies don't call him anything because they are all dead He has never waited 15 minutes after finishing a meal before returning to the pool If he were to visit the dark side of the moon, it wouldn't be dark He once won a staring contest with his own reflection He can kill two stones with one bird His signature won a Pulitzer When a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, he hears it He once got pulled over for speeding, and the cop got the ticket The dark is afraid of him Sharks have a week dedicated to him His ten gallon hat holds twenty gallons No less than 25 Mexican folk songs have been written about his beard He once made a weeping willow laugh He lives vicariously through himself His business card simply says 'I'll Call You" He once taught a german shepherd how to bark in spanish He bowls overhand In museums, he is allowed to touch the art He is allowed to talk about the fight club He once won a fist fight, only using his beard He once won the Tour-de-France, but was disqualified for riding a unicycle A bird in his hand is worth three in the bush His lovemaking has been detected by a seismograph The Holy Grail is looking for him Roses stop to smell him He once started a fire using only dental floss and water His sweat is the cure for the common cold Bigfoot tries to get pictures of him Werewolves are jealous of his beard He once turned a vampire into a vegetarian He once won the world series of poker using UNO cards He never wears a watch because time is always on his side He has taught old dogs a variety of new tricks He has won the lifetime achievement award… twice If opportunity knocks, and he's not at home, opportunity waits Batman watches Saturday morning cartoons about him When he was young he once sent his parents to his room He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man's entire body His blood smells like cologne On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him. His hands feel like rich brown suede Mosquitoes refuse to bite him purely out of respect He is fluent in all languages, including three that he only speaks Once while sailing around the world, he discovered a short cut Panhandlers give him money When he goes to Spain, he chases the bulls His shadow has been on the 'best dressed' list twice When he holds a lady's purse, he looks manly Two countries went to war to dispute HIS nationality When in Rome, they do as HE does His pillow is cool on BOTH sides The Nobel Academy was awarded a prize from HIM While swimming off the coast of Australia, he once scratched the underbelly of the Great White with his right han He taught Chuck Norris martial arts Time waits on no one, but him Once he ran a marathon because it was "on the way" His mother has a tattoo that says "Son" The star on his Christmas tree is tracked by NASA Presidents take his birthday off His shirts never wrinkle He has never walked into a spider web or got a paper cut He is left-handed. And right-handed His shirts never wrinkle The police often question him, just because they find him interesting His organ donation card also lists his beard He doesn't believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him Respected archaeologists fight over his discarded apple cores Even his tree houses have fully finished basements His garden maze is responsible for more missing persons than the Bermuda triangle If he were to say something costs an arm and a leg, it would He's never lost a game of chance He is the life of parties that he has never attended He was on a recent archaeological dig and came across prehistoric foot prints that lead out of Africa into all parts of the world. On close inspection, it turned out that the prints were his He once caught the Loch Ness Monster….with a cane pole, but threw it back His wallet is woven out of chupacabra leather He played a game of Russian Roulette with a fully loaded magnum, and won Freemasons strive to learn HIS secret handshake If he was to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume He is considered a national treasure in countries he's never visited Cars look both ways for him, before driving down a street He once tried to acquire a cold just to see what it felt like, but it didn't take He has inside jokes with people he's never met on BS Bikers walk their motorcycles past his home He is indeed, the most exaggerated man in the world greater than the Donald. |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince Date: 23 Apr 17 - 04:42 PM Faint praise, indeed, for a man of such stature... |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Date: 23 Apr 17 - 04:57 PM It's Imperious Rex's Minister of De Fence! What's new and different at the front gate? |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Date: 23 Apr 17 - 08:45 PM We thank you for the praise. We humbly admit that all of it is true. We would like a report on De Fences of Our Empire. Anytime before noon tomorrow (GMT) will be sufficient. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: frogprince Date: 23 Apr 17 - 09:09 PM I've got a trunk full of bottles of Channel #5 perfume at a great price! The Roulex wristwatches sold out. |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Date: 08 May 17 - 05:47 PM How goes it with Imperial Spouse The One and Only? Is she recovering well? |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Date: 08 May 17 - 10:08 PM Our Goodwyfe does well, continues to do well. She lacks stamina, but that is gradually increasing. Her pain was not a great as before, and hence She does have more energy than before. She awaits the completion of Our Imperial Deck Or Porch so that She can partake in what is called "porch therapy." On the 20th of May of this year, two of Our nieces will come to visit: the Lady Elizabeth and the Lady Lauretta. We shall entertain them with that which is found here: Our national parks of Yellowstone and Grand Tetons. We shall also take them to eat at the gas station. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Date: 09 May 17 - 03:15 PM The Imperial Spouse had a rough time of it one year ago, I still recall. Sounds like this is a SLIGHTLY better healing process. That is good to hear. |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Donuel Date: 09 May 17 - 08:00 PM The personal body guard of the Emperor and firing squad officer, Luca Bratzi, hand delivered a letter to the Imperial Jailer James Comey detailing the conditions of his being fired. It is hard to say who the next chief jailer will be. Perhaps Jeff Sessions will take the job and Jared Kushner will take Jeff's old job. The details were as follows - YOU'RE FIRED - |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Date: 09 May 17 - 10:20 PM We did no such thing, nor would We do such a thing in such a declassé manner. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Date: 10 May 17 - 08:11 PM The news about Her Imperial Highness Princess Patricia is heartening to hear! The visit of the young Princesses should also bring joy to the Imperial Household, and the gas station seems like a wondrous place to eat. So long as it doesn't bring on an attack of the aforementioned gas. The Imperial Oubliette has been functioning in my absence, and I have an idea for a new and wondrous form of torture; it has been tried out by my good self first so I can vouch for its efficacy. A good dose of a viral bug encompassing purging at both ends of the body (more details will, mercifully, be spared the Imperial Ear) and the subsequent ennui lasting several days will, I am sure, give even the most hardened something to contemplate. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Date: 10 May 17 - 08:16 PM Imperial Torturer, if it is possible the nose should also exude secretions. There must be nothing available to...no hankies! Let it be done! Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Date: 16 May 17 - 12:16 PM Now, that's what I call a dedicated torture-atrix. Trying it out on herself first. Jennie G, I hope you are feeling better, and that the repair and renovation of the kitchen is on schedule. |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Date: 17 May 17 - 08:15 AM Much better, thank you for your concern, keberoxu! Now that we have returned the repairs will be starting soon, for which your Imperial Torturer and Spouse (and resident Oubliette cat Bianca The Beautiful but Slightly Brainless) will be thankful. Winter is fast approaching and the living quarters are a wee bit chilly with bare concrete floors and no carpet. Happy to be of service, Sire. I always find it's a good idea, if possible, to have any new method of torture tested on some poor unsuspecting sap before letting it loose on a miscreant. I have another to add now, a slightly less-than-good reaction to a vaccination - the resulting swollen sore red arm is quite irritating and guaranteed to annoy, so there may soon be an order to requisition some extra large syringes. Might as well do the job properly. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Date: 17 May 17 - 08:23 PM Imperial Torturer, We quite sympathize with your plight and wish you a quick and painless recovery -- unlike what We wish for your clients. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Date: 18 May 17 - 05:37 PM So far so good, Sire......the arm is still attached, it hasn't fallen off yet! I am thinking about those large syringes, though - perhaps a veterinary supply store would have some of the size used on horses. How would that go as a weapon of torture, do you think? The more I think about it, the more I like the idea. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Date: 23 May 17 - 04:01 PM Hoping the National Parks were suitably magnificent for His Imperial Rapturous Rex and the ladies in His company. |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: keberoxu Date: 30 May 17 - 04:46 PM MOAB is closed for repairs, according to the Mudcat Cafe. That's a first for me. Your Imperious Rapturous Grace, I did see your contribution of an image of habits before MOAB shut down. Reading the small print below the engraving, I wanted to see if any of those religious orders are orders I recognize as still being around today. I counted six out of the sixteen. Including the Carthusians, as in "Great Silence" or "Tiefe Stille." |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Date: 30 May 17 - 10:54 PM We are pleased that you made the effort to recognize those habits, as We were once taught by nuns (the School Sisters of Notre Dame), brothers (Fratres Scholarum Christiantiorum), and friars (Order of Friars Minor). From these We learned many things: the Trivium, the Quadrivium, Theology, Philosophy, and various of the useful arts such as Medicine and Architecture. Of course, We later followed the Highest Path of Learning, that recounted in such as the Versuch eines vollständigen Lehrbuchs der Bibliothek-Wissenschaft oder Anleitung zur vollkommenen Geschäftsführung eines Bibliothekars of Schrettinger, S. R. Ranganathan's Five Laws, and Our mentor and friend Jesse Hauk Shera's An epistemological foundation. Our royal nieces had a wonderful time, or so We are led to believe. Imperial Torturer, We give you permission to use any needle size you deem fit. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Date: 26 Jun 17 - 10:11 PM My People! Patricia, Our imperial consort, has been told by the chirurgeons that she need only take medicine. She need not undergo the trials of chemotherapy or radiation. And the chirurgeons in Our city of Seattle in the Province of Washington will be monitoring her progress, e'en though she will be residing here. Therefore, We declare sixty days of festival, song, music! As one of Our people has said, "Let the wild ruckus begin!" Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark Font of Happiness |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Date: 27 Jun 17 - 04:47 PM Yay, Sire! That is most wonderful news! Please pass on good wishes to your Imperial Consort from all those of us here down below. As a token of rejoicing, and as a one-off celebration, I shall make sure that each occupant of the oubliette has two extra grains of rice this evening. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 27 Jun 17 - 07:03 PM In celebration of the Imperial Consort's being allowed to keep her hair on her head, her food in her tummy, and her spirits in high places, I shall resume ignoring this thread immediately. Bee-dubya-ell Imperial Ignoramus His Mark <¡!> |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: Rapparee Date: 28 Jun 17 - 09:19 AM Imperial Torturer, We direct you to also allow the tips of the toes of those chained to the walls of Our oubliette to touch the floor. Also, as a mark of Our magnanimity they each may have a small sip of clean water every other day during the period of rejoicing. You may, at your discretion, turn a hose on them and therewith cleanse them of their ordure once during the festivities. Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex ® His Mark The Merciful and Just |
Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor From: JennieG Date: 28 Jun 17 - 09:05 PM Oh Great One, your magnanimity knows no bounds......is there no limit to your generosity? I am speechless, gobsmacked, flabbergasted etc. as will be the wretched inmates of the oubliette. Not only shall the hoses be turned on said inmates as per your expressed desire, the force shall be turned down slightly as we don't want to blast them out the other side of the walls. Very slightly. The Empiratical Banjo Ensemble is tuning up as we speak (although it has to be said you would never know it) to play a song of much joy and rejoicing for Her Royal Empress The Most High and Mighty Princess Patricia. JennieG Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble [§] Her mark (For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee) |