BS: Rap for emperor

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 02 Jan 21 - 09:56 PM

Oh Great One, your munificence knows no bounds!

The Date is now marked on the Imperial Oubliette calendar in letters of burnished gold. May we have Your Most Gracious Permission to increase the water ration to each prisoner by - say - another drop on that day, to mark the occasion? This will enable the unfortunate miscreants to sing a song of praise to Your Good Self with more gusto than the usual feeble croak.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 03 Jan 21 - 10:17 AM

Royal Court rumors from friends of your Stool Stewart also speak of your magnifcent munificense in your leavings of immeasurble length, girth and aroma of late. Your majesty should know of the murmurings of discontent regarding the Royal Garter house to house TP confiscations.

o=> Jex the truth teller and jester.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Jan 21 - 08:18 PM

How is Your Imperious Rexness recovering from the ultrasound?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Jan 21 - 08:50 AM

The possible complications of carotid dissection are risky but beneficial. A carotid dissection can cause problems with blood flow to your brain or eyes. This can cause a TIA, stroke, or one-sided blindness. All of these are medical emergencies.
The benefits of those who survive are various unpreictable unprecidented super powers.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 17 Mar 21 - 10:10 PM

How goes the month of March in this your Realm?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Mar 21 - 09:26 PM

WE are well, and We have now had two weeks pass since Our Imperial Shooter gave Us the vaccine shots. We did have a small reaction to the second shot, but it passed and We are now back to caring for Our subjects.

We ask Jennie G. to prepare the Empiratical Banjo Ensemble to rehearse a concert for the coming Anzac Day. We suggest a rousing rendition of Bach's 1712 Overture.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Mar 21 - 10:26 PM

When is Anzac Day again?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 19 Mar 21 - 11:41 PM

Sire, the news about your good health is wonderful and will lead to much thankfulness in the Oubliette!

Your idea about Anzac Day on 25th April is a very good one and has been taken on board. It may literally be "on board", as some parts of your southern realm here are being inundated with floods of Biblical proportions - I don't know if the news has reached you yet?

Fortunately the Imperial Torturer and Spouse (who, incidentally, yesterday celebrated 45 years of wedded bliss together) had enough common sense to purchase a house on a hill well away from a river, so if the forecast 'weather event' should, as promised, reach us next week - all here will be safe. Such 'weather event' will also, it is hoped, help wipe out some of the mice in the current plague. The household of the Imperial Torturer was recently shaken to the core by the invasion of two mice, one of which was duly disposed of by the resident geriatric cat (at the not-so-tender age of 18, and having been an inside cat all her life, we didn't know she had it in her to kill a mouse) while the other was caught in a trap well-placed by the Spouse of the Imperial Torturer......but not before it invaded the sewing room of the Imperial Torturer, which I am sure will be viewed with suitable horror by Empress Patricia.

Farming communities hereabouts are being overrun by said mice, so should the miscreants' rations run short it is good to know that a ready source of protein is there for the taking.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Sep 21 - 09:23 PM

Imperial Torturer, We have been somewhat caught up in the affairs of Our Realm as well as being again in the hands of the Imperial Oral Chirurgeons. Much of that has now passed and We find Ourself
recently subjected to the smoke from the fires in Our provinces of California and Oregon. Those responsible will be committed to your care.

In honour of Our falling away from the hand of the Imperial Oral Chirurgeons We ask you to award the prisoners in the Imperial Oubliette an additional one-half days ration of both bread and the usual water on a day of your choosing.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex      ®    His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Sep 21 - 11:15 PM

I rather wonder what has happened to the rest of the Imperial cabinet:

the Minister of De Fence,
the Gamekeeper,
the Emperor of Vice,
et alia.


(keberoxu, Education somebody-or-other)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 05 Sep 21 - 11:57 PM

It will be done as you command, oh Great One! Ceremonies of Thanksgiving for Your Imperial Majesty's continued good health are being planned.

A thought - do you have any musical requests for such ceremonies, now and in the future? A list of suitable items could be prepared, able to then be trotted out and performed at a moment's notice.

One wag in the deepest darkest corner of the Imperial Oubliette suggested that "I just don't look good naked anymore" would be appropriate for Your Good Self, but that idea was very soon quashed and said wag's rations reduced by a great deal.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Sep 21 - 11:10 AM

Gnu and Severn are still around,
only a good deal quieter than they were
when this thread was opened. Bless them both.

(I, on the other hand, make entirely too much noise.)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 08 Sep 21 - 11:16 AM

I obviously prefer too much over not enough.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Oct 21 - 09:10 PM

Even though the Imperial Shooter provided the vaccines,
our Imperious Rapturous Rex had a positive test result
and must be ministered to again,
and kept in isolation for, how long is it again?

Will heads roll for this?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 21 - 09:28 PM

We do not, in Our mercy, feel that We must make examples of Our Imperial chirurgeons for they seem to have done all in their power to attend Us. Of course, if We should find otherwise Our mercy can be withdrawn and the Imperial Oubliette shall have more medical personnel.

We are doing well, or as well as can be expected. The Empress was tested today and We feel that She probably has this as well.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Oct 21 - 10:22 PM

Even in that big house it's probably hard to keep your germs to yourself. My best to both of you.

Imperial Mudelf {Æ}

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Oct 21 - 10:29 PM

feel better soon!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Oct 21 - 06:49 AM

Quelle bummer, Great Sire! Sending all good wishes from the Imperial Oubliette for your good health, and that of the Empress Patricia.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 21 - 03:52 PM

Yesterday We cast the Empress to the whims and ways of chirurgeons at the local hospital. She had two problems, one an infection of Her Imperial Urinary Tract and the other SARS2-COVID19 (a mild breakthrough case). She has now been treated for both and We shall send the Imperial Carriage to whisk Her home yet this afternoon.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®    His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 24 Oct 21 - 01:05 AM

All of here in the Imperial Oubliette send our heartiest good wishes to the Empress Patricia for her continued good health, and hope that these temporary setbacks can be easily overcome with the help of said chirurgeons and hospital staff. Let's hope she will soon be back making textile art!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Oct 21 - 02:28 PM

... so now both of you have to isolate?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 21 - 08:53 PM

Yes, We both must isolate. This does not mean that We cannot perform the functions needful to run this Empire. It means that you may not see Us as We do. But because you do not see Us, remember that We are there.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Nov 21 - 05:42 PM

Your Education minister's eyes are lowered ...
I was unaware of Your Imperious Highness's connection to the Knights of Columbus.

Can you really knight an emperor?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 10 Nov 21 - 10:41 AM

For ascention and coronation details call me at 202-698-3942
Emperors on Demand.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 10 Nov 21 - 07:26 PM

Where did most everybody go?

The Imperial Torturer is ever faithful,
a living reproach to the rest of us.
Although, I must allow,
the Imperial Mudelf is never far away either.

But good heavens:
the Minister of De Fence,
the vice emperor,
the Game Warden,
the Imperial Ignoramus,
Churl One,
the Imperial Quoter ...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 10 Nov 21 - 08:12 PM

The Imperial Torturer and Spouse are keeping a close eye on the weather as a crap ton (or, if you prefer, a shit load) of rain is forecast for the next few days, starting from later today. It is raining lightly as we speak, and it has rained over the past week anyway, so things are a little soggy right now.

Deserving miscreants are being moved to slightly - only very slightly - higher ground, while the less deserving are being left where they are.

Fortunately the living quarters of your Torturer and Spouse, and the resident Geriatric White Cat, are high and dry.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Nov 21 - 09:28 AM

By all means there will be no mention of succession however there have been rumors of evil talk about elections. Let me be clear, we have 20,000 Proud Boys and Girls standing by to issue death threats to anyone suspected of seditious election speech.
Protector of the Empire. Donuel Webster Blagg Jr.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 21 - 10:43 AM

WE defend Our empire. Any proud boys and girls are members in good standing in this, Our Imperial Realm. Anyone who attempts to overthrown Our Reign and Realm shall be sent to Imperial Oubliette's sub-sub-basement to be dealt with at the whims of Our Imperial Torturer. We might suggest a continuous feed of bad banjo and bagpipe duet music, but We have faith in the judgement of the Imperial Torturer.

Emperor Rapparree, Imperious Rex      ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 16 Nov 21 - 08:01 AM

Natural Fireworks

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Nov 21 - 10:04 PM

Yes, We provided them for Our people to enjoy.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®            His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Nov 21 - 08:17 PM

How will you observe Thanksgiving in this Your realm?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 18 Nov 21 - 10:43 PM

Those in the Imperial Oubliette go down on their knees in thankfulness every day for their good fortune in having such a wonderful leader!

The Imperial Torturer is still getting her head around a bagpipe and banjo ensemble, but as The Great One has suggested it we thought it worth a try.

That flood of biblical proportions could yet happen.......forecast is for rain, rain and a bit more rain......

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Nov 21 - 12:06 AM

You might add accordion to that list of torture devices. IMHO.

Imperial Mudelf {Æ}

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Nov 21 - 06:29 PM

We do not suggest tone-deaf players, as they will inadvertently play in tune and obviate Our intent.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Nov 21 - 01:53 PM

In a neighboring realm, Emporers are absent but for their sports betting entities they do have Ceasars, Kings and strongmen.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Dec 21 - 01:23 PM

I hear reports concerning an imperial rotator cuff
following a fall on concrete steps?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 04 Dec 21 - 05:05 PM

Sire - I have found an orchestra for the Banjo and Bagpipe Ensemble to emulate. Here is a festive offering which could, perhaps, be presented (oops, nearly typed 'resented') at the traditionsl New Year concert,

Portsmouth Sinfonia

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Dec 21 - 09:11 PM

O Imperial Torturer, you have left me with tears of laughter in my eyes
and my tummy hurts.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 04 Dec 21 - 10:16 PM

In that case, my work here is done!

There are more gems from the same orchestra on youtube in case your ribs need more tickling.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 21 - 02:16 PM

WE find the Portsmouth Sinfonia to be quite excellent and they will be featured at both Our Christmas and New Year's Balls. All of those attending will be again requested to wear mourning. We will again this year entertain the inhabitants of Our Imperial Oubliette with the songs of Florence Foster Jenkins. We require the Imperial Torturer to insure that she and all of her staff completely block their hearing.

Our right shoulder was injured on the 21st of last month when we fell on the stairs in Our Imperial Hoosier Lodge whilst on Our Autumn Journey of Visitations. Our chirurgeons will determine the extent of Our injuries and decide what they think best, and then We will decide upon a treatment.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 06 Dec 21 - 05:14 AM

Well - quelle bummer, Sire! Our best wishes for a speedy and complete recovery.

So glad you enjoyed the Portsmouth Sinfonia. We here are very familiar with the works of Florence Foster Jenkins, indeed the thought of Madame Jenkins possibly performing as a solo artiste with the Portsmouth Sinfonia has us all agog......although we know it would be a physical impossibility, Madame Jenkins sadly having departed this mortal coil many years before the formation of said orchestra.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Dec 21 - 05:16 PM

May your Imperial Rapturous Rex live in health for many more years,
as it isn't nearly as much fun
without your Self getting up to mischief below the line.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Dec 21 - 08:28 PM

I have observed gnu out and about
although what he is doing about the Imperial Game is anybody's guess.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 01:01 AM

Wishing His Imperious Rapturous Rex
and the Empress Patricia
a fulfilling and Happy Christmas,
even if only one imperial shoulder/arm is functional at the moment.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 02:19 PM

We wish all of Our subjects, save those in the Imperial Oubliette, a Merry Christmas and a Joyous New Year.

Yes, We are to have surgery yet again, this time on the Feast of St. Valentine as far, far too many have not been vaccinated (as Our subject Edward Jenner called it) and the Hospitals are overflowing. We considered sending those to the Imperial Oubliette but decided that three weeks with a tube down their throat should be ample punishment. We shall reconsider if any survive.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®    His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 25 Dec 21 - 08:39 PM

Thank you for the good wishes, Sire, and may they be returned many times over to Your Good Self and Empress Patricia!

During the current festive season some (all right.....more than some) hours have been expended in doing precisely not very much at all, one of which was watching videos such as these of Linsey Pollak

Perhaps Mr Pollak could be engaged to entertain during future festivities, maybe as a featured soloist with the Empiratical Banjo and Bagpipe Ensemble?

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 21 - 05:07 PM

We shall try to engage the engaging Mr. Pollak for an Imperial Command Performance. Should he refuse We shall make it a COMMAND performance.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Feb 22 - 02:10 PM

Keep Imperious Rex in mind,
as the chirurgiens expect him shortly,
regarding repairs to one shoulder.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 22 - 08:27 PM

Yes. It is the hand We use to dispense high and low justice, and by which We wield the Sword of State and hold the Orb. Thus the chirurgeons are aware of their fate should any mishap occur.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®            His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 13 Feb 22 - 09:08 PM

Mishaps have been banned, your majesty.