BS: Rap for emperor

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 May 19 - 07:47 PM

The stated purpose of Emperor Rap's visit to England was to tour famous prisons and dungeons to get ideas for improving services at The Imperial Oubliette. Unfortunately, he discovered that there are no active dungeons in England. They've all been turned into tourist attractions. The only torture devices he was able to procure were some unbelievably tacky snow globes from the gift shop at The Tower of London.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 May 19 - 02:11 PM

Is it true that our Imperious Rex
went to England
and survived to tell the tale?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 May 19 - 10:50 PM

The results of the stress test
are being held too close to the Imperial Waistcoat
for me to discern them.
I better quit asking after them.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 11 May 19 - 08:26 AM

I like the way you think, Sire! I wouldn't like to be kicked by a foot in a moon boot.

And you are indeed right, sometimes the *ahem* rude word *ahem* is the only one suitable for the occasion.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 19 - 10:17 PM

We know that the language of The Masses is oft time appropriate and We have been known to use it Ourself when the occasion demanded. When your lower appendage is well again consider having an armored shell made to better kick the prisoners.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 10 May 19 - 12:18 AM

Alas, BWL, the Imperial Torturer is having difficulty with the stairs to the Imperial Oubliette - as of yesterday afternoon I am wearing a moon boot on my right foot. A previous foot fracture has come back to haunt me, and has re-fractured itself.

Also The Dreaded Lurgy is the non-contagious strain, being derived from hay fever. While disporting themselves at the Big Folk Festival the Torturer and Spouse were camped near some horse stables, a very convenient spot for amenities and festival, and you wouldn't believe how much hay, straw, sawdust and dried shit (sorry, Sire, but a spade is a spade and all that) was all around.

But never mind.......this, too, shall pass, and the foot is still attached. So far, so good.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 May 19 - 05:38 PM

Hopefully, the Imperial Torturer will recover enough to at least pay a visit to the Oubliette while her disease is still contagious. It would be a shame to have a case of the Dreaded Lurgy on hand and not infect the miscreants with it.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
Mark, mark, mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 08 May 19 - 12:48 AM

The Oubliette is back to running at what passes for normal, as the Imperial Torturer and Spouse have returned from their annual sojourn Down South.

However, the Imperial Torturer is suffering from the Dreaded Lurgy so Spouse is looking after the inmates and miscreants in the meantime. He's more tender hearted than what I am and lets them get away with a little more than usual......two peas each for dinner, for example, when they are normally only allowed one pea to share between two inmates.

We wouldn't want those poor souls to suffer from over-feeding and its associated ills, would we?

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 May 19 - 04:54 PM

Still awaiting the outcome of the stress tests
following the chest-pains episode.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 19 - 10:04 PM

Some time ago We permitted Our band to march in London, England to commemorate the coronation of Our subject Queen Elizabeth II (whom We call Lizzy). The video is of Our band marching on the Mall in London. Yes, We permit drums and other minor instruments in Our band solely for musical balance, but We know (as you should) that brass instruments and especially the trumpet and its sisters such as the flugelhorn and bugle are, truly, God's instruments.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex             ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 May 19 - 06:16 PM

Is your Imperial Brass Orchestra
the equivalent of a Mexican "banda"? Those things are a hoot.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 19 - 09:55 PM

We have commanded the Imperial Brass Orchestra to empty their spit valves on the Imperial Ignoramus. This is to be done per omnia saecula saecularum or until we command otherwise. We have no quarrel with capos unless they become insufferable and style themselves as Capo di Tutti Capi.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 May 19 - 07:11 PM

The rumored capo ban would have to be an edict. Bulls are only issued by popes. Rap is not a pope. And please don't suggest that he apply for the job. He's already insufferable enough as emperor. Thanks.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His Mark <¡!> (Not his Matthew, Luke, or John)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Apr 19 - 06:41 PM

I didn't know there had been a capo edict. Or was it a Bull?

Good thing you're still here,
vice emperor,
'cause I can't remember those things.

Now if Severn is feeling any better ...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Apr 19 - 06:33 PM

So The Emperor, a trumpet player, has banned capos, huh? That's okay. When I grow up and get my own empire, I'm going to ban spit valves.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
Gonna take my mark <¡!> for a walk in the park.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 30 Apr 19 - 05:59 PM

His royal ?? lowness banned capos

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Apr 19 - 12:47 PM

Yes, of course! Why should law-abiding citizens be subject to the noise of bagpipes while the miscreants in The Imperial Oubliette are exempt?

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
Yes, I found my mark: <¡!>
Now, has anyone seen my ukulele capo?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Apr 19 - 12:36 PM

Have a thought, might I suggest,
for erstwhile game warden Gnu
because there are good reasons
that we don't hear from him very often these days.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 30 Apr 19 - 01:58 AM

By all means bring out your pipes, Dan! The more the merrier......or something like that.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 19 - 08:57 PM

We say: Better White Walkers than yee naaldlooshii.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 29 Apr 19 - 05:32 PM

His royal highness had me doing battle with the white walkers on game of thrones and riding dragons. Rap is a very demanding emperor

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 29 Apr 19 - 02:05 PM

All hail the vice emperor, olddude.
I was a little anxious
that we wouldn't hear from him again.
By all means put away the firearms
and bring out the war pipes.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Apr 19 - 08:00 PM

BWL what you suggest does not happen in an automoton deterministic universe in the way you thought.

Donuel, please don't try to educate the Imperial Ignoramus. He is a fool. It's part of his job description. He is also a comic persona, not the real me. Do not confuse what he thinks with what I think. Thinking is not his strong suit.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: olddude
Date: 28 Apr 19 - 07:18 PM

Can I get out my bagpipes rap. Carry on oh royal on

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 28 Apr 19 - 06:20 PM

… especially if the bagpipes are out of tune, as well --
I hear from bagpipe students
that bagpipes are often played out of tune.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Apr 19 - 04:26 PM

BWL what you suggest does not happen in an automoton deterministic universe in the way you thought.
Now if you see that entangled particles do not end in divorce then you may surrender to an emergent universe and you will understand.
A word to the wise: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjGgqcyLpug

It took me 50 years to understand the double slit experiment, the underlying reality and birth dreams but now without bragging, it is clear as a bell. Phenomena I too thought was impossible, now works better than a charm in a way far different than previously imagined. In short it really works. I can illucidate if needed.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 28 Apr 19 - 10:34 AM

I suppose I shall send The Emperor a few good thoughts, even though I doubt their efficacy.

For many years, I have been sending evil, wicked, and destructive thoughts to people I don't like and, as far as I know, not a single one of them has dropped dead in his/her tracks as a result. Witness the fact that my ex-wife is still among the living. My despised former boss is dead, but he was old, smoked two packs of Marlboros per day for thirty years, and had already had a quadruple bypass by the time I went to work for him. So he doesn't count.

So, if I know for a fact that bad thoughts don't work, why should I think good thoughts would behave differently?

However, as stated above, I shall attempt to do the good thought thing anyway. All I have on my morning agenda is lawnmower work and that always causes my mind to get stuck in bored-repetitive-stupid-thought mode, so I shall attempt to steer the stupid thoughts in Emperor Rap's general direction. That would be northwest, give or take a few degrees, and with a range of roughly 2,050 miles (3,300 KM).


Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
Hark! A lark? No, it's a mark! <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 28 Apr 19 - 08:30 AM

Jolly good news, Sire!

The banjo ensemble continues apace, although it still doesn't have a tuner......not that it matters, because it's difficult to tell whether they are in tune anyway.

We have been thinking of adding a bagpipe band, what do you think? The dulcet tones of the pipes would drown out the wails of the tortured miscreants quite well, we think.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Apr 19 - 09:56 PM

My dear subjects! It has indeed been some time since We last addressed you as Our time has been filled with chirugeons and others. But We are doing well and ask you to continue to send Us good thoughts. Soon, indeed, We hope to be released from medicine's durance vile and allowed to resume Our benevolent ways so that you, Our subjects, can continue to thrive -- save, of course, those in Our oubliette. We ask the Imperial Torturer to continue the banjo, accordion, and lute trios that entertain those therein so well.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex         ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 12:58 PM

Are there any C-mused Demused or Emus?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 12:44 PM

I am bemused.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Apr 19 - 12:35 PM

And I don't know if Severn is amused or not, either.
One never knows with Severn,
especially in this particular thread.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Apr 19 - 09:10 PM

We are not amused.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®          His mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Apr 19 - 08:00 PM

This is like the 7th thread that looks like Jane's Rainbow.
Keb, rumors of our deaths have been highly exaggerated.

Any hospital visit that includes red jello is worth it.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Apr 19 - 02:26 PM

Severn, your troubles sound as though
they threatened to silence you for good --
thoughts and prayers for you AND your pacemaker.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Apr 19 - 09:59 PM

Robot cameras were added to the Imperial stress test procedures.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 19 Apr 19 - 06:49 PM

Good to know our Great Imperial One is being checked up on.

Severn, your sweet voice has been much missed in the Oubliette!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Apr 19 - 11:31 AM

As we speak,
the Emperor is keeping his appointment
for stress tests, following up on
his diagnosis of atypical chest pains.

Subject: RE: BS: Roop for emperist
From: Severn
Date: 18 Apr 19 - 12:57 PM

No place ever is, for better or worse.....

I have been through some medical difficulties culminating in the installation of a pacemaker, but I am slowly getting back to what passes for normal these days. My face is still visible out there on local radio, if you stare hard enough.....

Meanwhile,



I've got arrhythmia.
I've still got music.
I've got no gal at present,
I can't expect much of anything more.....

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Apr 19 - 12:55 PM

Our Most Gracious Emperor
went to hospital by ambulance,
reporting chest pains, this morning.

The hospital has released him for now,
but more tests are scheduled.
I recall his disclosure of infarct and rebellion in his Imperial Heart.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 Apr 19 - 01:50 PM

How is our Minister of De Fence, by the way,
and
the Imperial Game Warden?

And the place isn't the same without Severn ...

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 15 Apr 19 - 10:55 PM

Fresh batteries were installed before we came away, so there is a fresh batch of swill fermenting as we speak!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Apr 19 - 08:08 PM

Oh by the way.... His Rapturousness's statement that I should have clasped his gift of a mark to my bosom is not entirely logical. I am a male. I do not have a bosom. The closest thing I have to a bosom is a butt crack. I tried to clasp the mark to my butt crack, but it fell out. That's how I lost it.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
Never confuse a mark with a snark <¡!>
(Especially if you're going to carry it around in your butt crack)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Apr 19 - 03:40 PM

We hope the Imperial Torturer din't forget to put fresh batteries in the timers which control the Imperial Oubliette's automatic swill dispensers. Not that anyone would care if the inmates were to starve, but it would be a shame to have to throw out a batch of perfectly good uneaten swill.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
There's no mark like the old mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Apr 19 - 01:44 PM

Our gift of a mark of the pilcrow to the Imperial Ignoramus, granted 14 April 2019 at 10:04 post meridian (Mudcat Time) is withdrawn with prejudice. The II should have been more careful in bothering Us over something the II should have preserved and clasp to his bosom.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Apr 19 - 12:48 PM

In the office of Imperial propoganda we are busy taking 4 words out of context and super imposing video of the most hideous kind to defame our defamors. Death threats against our enemies abound.

Progress report 4 14 19 :^/

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Apr 19 - 10:59 AM

Thank you for the new mark, Your Raptness, but after a diligent search, I have found my old mark! It is this: <¡!> .

Now, it seems I have gone from being unmarked to being over-endowed with marks. It's really quite remarkable.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His mark: <¡!> or ¶ (whichever floats your boat)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 15 Apr 19 - 05:51 AM

Sounds about right, Imperial Ignoramus!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Apr 19 - 10:04 PM

We here by give and decree that the Imperial Ignoramus shall henceforth be awarded and shall use as his mark and sign a pilcrow, which because he knows not what that is, is told that it looks like this:

¶

And so We mote it be!

Emperor Rapparee, Imperius Rex       ®          His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Apr 19 - 08:41 PM

"The inmates are running the Oubliette...."

Well, considering that they're all chained to walls, locked in stocks, or tied to beds of nails, there's not much "running" to it, is there? It's pretty unlikely that the Imperial Torturer will return from her folk festival to find that the inmates have painted the walls puce or rearranged the furniture in some configuration which she finds objectionable. N'est-ce pas?

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
Mark! Mark! Where's my damned mark?