BS: Rap for emperor

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 17 Dec 19 - 01:04 PM

This yrar, I have been told that they will be putting a clear plastic screen in qfront of me when I perform my annual Imperial Holiday Concert so that I will be able to properly observe the eggs miss this season.

A partial set list may be revealed at a future time.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Dec 19 - 08:41 PM

BWL please stop before you reveal your Imperial checking account number and mother's famous maiden name.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Dec 19 - 07:28 PM

I do not have a December birthday! I used to have one, but I got tired of it and changed my birthday to September 14th. It's a much more innocuous date than December 31st. The most notable thing that has ever happened on September 14th was the first detection of gravity waves. Cool, but not a good excuse to drink to excess and blow your fingers off with fireworks.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Dec 19 - 03:55 PM

Don't forget that
Imperial Ignoramus
Bee-dubya-ell
also has a December birthday.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 12 Dec 19 - 10:52 AM

If they use the scythe on me, would I then be dead but irreplaceable? Would that make me eligible to be on a commemorative postage stamp? Or do I, like other ex-USPS employees, just got and become post-humus?

Remember, December 30th is cutting it close, even with a scythe, so be quick about it, or like so many other old folks in white robes towith curved blades who have tried before, some little well taught tot with a taut hold on the future will kick your ads all the way from here to sickle-acle year end obscurity.

Furthermore, I am protected from all scythes and sickies by Popsicles, the Greek God of Winter.

I should he is dead five times over, but I must be tougher than the proverbial two dollar steak.

It would be better to just shower me with appropriate gifts and declare a State Holiday, instead.

Jennie G can get in line behind all of the other female "Carry-A-Torchers" I've left in my wake or their sleep.....

I'll expect your wrapped attention on the 30th.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 11 Dec 19 - 11:41 PM

Well - yes. This is indeed true.

As you may or not know, the Imperial Oubliette is located in the Wonderful Land of Oz. At present many fires are burning our fair land, and it has occurred to me that sending miscreants out with a small can of water and no protective clothing to fight a fire could be a good idea?

Whatever they had done to land them in the dungeon in the first place, that would make darn sure they would never do it again. Sometimes one has to be cruel to be kind.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Dec 19 - 06:38 PM

Why sharpen the scythe? Wouldn't a dull scythe be more cruel and torturous? Seems to me that a sharp scythe would be unnecessarily merciful.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus Etc.
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 11 Dec 19 - 04:36 PM

My pleasure, Oh Great Sire......the scythe is being sharpened as we speak!

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 19 - 07:59 AM

We find it disgusting that Severn has "revealed" himself. At least he did this nauseating act on another thread. Should he "reveal" himself again We will ask the Imperial Torturer to act.

Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Dec 19 - 11:44 PM

Hey everybody.
Our irreplaceable Severn
has a December 30 birthday,
he just disclosed same on another thread.
Should the Empire take note of this?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 19 - 06:37 PM

Most unfortunately We have these invaders in Owyhee County. Should you with to assist Us in this matter know that the "season" is all the year around and that there is no limit to how many you may "take." "Take" all you wish, and Our good wishes will go with you.

Thus far, these invaders haven't arrived in this part of Our realm. Should they do so the potato and lentil farmers will be quite upset, and We would agree with them.

We fail to see how introducing wild boar for the wealthy to "hunt" is a blessing to Our poorer subjects.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®       His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Dec 19 - 04:04 PM

You know, your Rapturous Rex,
this feral hog thing, it's worse than I thought.

Bad enough that they're running the Texans ragged
and migrating to points west, east, and north therefrom.

Now I hear that the Canadian wild hogs
are crossing the border into Montana.
Isn't that getting close to your borders?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Dec 19 - 12:35 PM

I have two feet which are no longer as they were. When I was born, they were only about two inches long. If they had stayed as they were, I would have a very difficult time walking.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus Etc.
His Mark <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperationist
From: Severn
Date: 04 Dec 19 - 06:35 PM

No longer than it was? Did you measure to make sure? We wouldn't want him tilted, like one of Don Quixote's windmills.

A room without a roof? A topless restaurant, perhaps? A missing verse From "My Father's Mansion Has Many Rooms" by Pete Seeger?
Why, there's nothing ceiling your fate!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Dec 19 - 10:12 AM

I hear that Emperor Rapparee returned from Ireland
and one foot was no longer as it was when he arrived there ...
was it during a dance?

Subject: RE: BS: Rapa for Scrappler
From: Severn
Date: 03 Dec 19 - 06:24 PM

The only thing we have to fear'll be feral itself!.....

How many hogs will be spared for Hogmany?

As for the aforementioned King, Tell Ol' Feral to let my people go!

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Dec 19 - 02:03 PM

That song is pleasing to me,
but it drives some people demented.
Actor Robert Carlyle for one, he said so for the record
during an interview:

"What is 'a room without a roof'!? F*** off."

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Dec 19 - 01:42 PM

Pharrell has been hogging the Internet - he's clearly in his home turf with over 1 billion (with a B) views in the Kingdom of YouTube.

Signed,

Imperial Mudelf
{Æ} (her mark)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Dec 19 - 08:43 PM

Leave it to the Imperial Ignoramus
to educate us about feral game
in the Game Warden's absence.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Dec 19 - 10:06 PM

Feral hogs have no business in The Empire. They are native to The Kingdom of Feral, and that is where they should stay. In fact, King Feral the Seventh, reigning monarch of the Kingdom of Feral, has banned the export of Feral hogs and has designated them Royally Good Eatin'. Under such designation, Feral hogs may only be hunted or eaten by members of the Royal Family. But this is no big deal since King Feral has so many wives that almost everyone in the Kingdom is a relative of some sort.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Dec 19 - 02:28 PM

We feel that animal species should not be introduced willy-nilly into a new environment. Extensive research should be done by the Imperial Game Warden, as that it what We pay him to do.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex            ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Nov 19 - 12:21 PM

800 posts!


If I could ask an irreverent question
right this minute of His Rapturous Rex,
I would ask for his assessment/opinion of
New Hampshire's Blue Mountain Forest and Game Preserve,
colloquially known as Corbin Park.
Relevant to the feral-hog issue, amongst other things.

Subject: RE: BS: The Empire Preserved
From: Severn
Date: 30 Nov 19 - 12:11 PM

I hope that our beloved warden is game enough to be sending the Empowerer His yearly supply of homemade Game Preserves. They differ from Game Jelly and Game Jam by being chunkier, and therefore a bit gamier. The ingredients are a State Secret.

As they sing, "It's all in the game"

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 29 Nov 19 - 09:23 PM

That is good gnus to hear.

I don't blame the Vice Emperor of Vice for going to Alaska. I have only been once but loved it, and would go back in a heartbeat.

It's a nicer place than the Imperial Oubliette, no matter how many waterless vases of weeds are set around......

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Donuel
Date: 27 Nov 19 - 04:29 PM

I sense a great disturbance in the force of the Empire.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Nov 19 - 04:22 PM

Well, the Vice Emperor of Vice is home [olddude],
and the Imperial Head Game Warden has been
discharged from hospital into the care of his family
and continues to recover at home.


Just this week, a distracting bit of news:
a coastal county in Texas, which designs itself
the Alligator Capitol,
had some feral animals ambushing and killing
a professional caregiver as this person
arrived at the house of her elderly client.
What killed the caregiver outside the house, however,
was not alligators,
but feral hogs.
Anybody else hear about that one? Sounded utterly gruesome.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 Nov 19 - 12:11 PM

The vice emperor of vice is back from Alaska, by the way.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 Nov 19 - 12:24 PM

There's still a hunting possibility - slow moving critters could end up as roadkill on his grill. Not the approved method, of course, and provincial regulations regarding roadkill may vary; in the state of Louisiana you're entitled to keep to skin out or eat what you run into. States used to frown on the road meat practice, though I've just learned there are about 20 states that allow it.

Imperial Mudelf {Æ}

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Nov 19 - 12:14 PM

The Emperor's Head Game Warden has made his presence known in ...
the Recovery Ward [thread].
Lurking rather than hunting.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 07 Nov 19 - 12:29 PM

Giuliani may soon be discovered, fetal position, between the rails of the NY Subway. This could be considered a tRump gaming cheat since he or his cohort will do the pushing. Do the Imperial Game Warden's responsibilities include overseeing rough-housing in the IRT? Not sure what the creatures are—bird-brained but spineless, anatomically a mystery. Amphioxus won't own them.


Imperial Mudelf {Æ} – her mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Nov 19 - 11:14 AM

The Emperor and his subjects were aware, I suppose,
of the fake obituary notice
posted by the imperial Chief Chef Kendall
earlier this year while the weather was warmer.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Nov 19 - 02:38 PM

The latest from the Minister of De Fence was positive news,
although he doesn't report in all that often.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Nov 19 - 05:57 PM

Welcome, in sooth!
Regardless of sooth, in fact.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Nov 19 - 10:10 PM

We welcome you and herewith name you "Imperial Mudelf." You may use this as your personal mark:

{Æ}


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®            His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 01 Nov 19 - 05:19 PM

Gnu is getting new glasses in a few days so poachers, beware. He'll have his eyes out for them (jumping in for a extemporaneous post without having read the whole thread.)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 01 Nov 19 - 04:28 PM

Indeed. Games are games are games.

We need some new ideas for torture, and gaming cheats would be ideal for practicing on/to/with.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Oct 19 - 10:47 PM

I The Imperial Ignoramus do suggest that The Imperial Game Warden's responsibilities be expanded to include not only game of the finned, furred, and feathered varieties, but also games of the board variety.

Though the IGW is currently unable to pursue poachers, he is probably quite capable of making sure whoever uses the Parcheesi game puts it back where it belongs.

He could also oversee the Friday Night Bingo Game and deliver any cheaters to the Imperial Torturer Etc. for rehabilitation.


Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Severn
Date: 31 Oct 19 - 10:36 PM

Does that mean that Gnu is now suffering from a game leg? I hope,at least, it doesn't smell that way.

Does it also mean that His Empricity

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Oct 19 - 08:45 PM

We have been following the reports of Our Imperial Game Warden. He fell while pursuing a felon who was unequivocally poached Our game in Our forests. In the fall the Imperial Game Warden's crossbow launched its bolt, which ended up in the rearmost muscles of the miscreant. The bolt containing tranquilizing solution, the criminal wandered back to the IGW, who asked for assistance. The crook said something to the effect of "Like, groovy, man, ya know?" and wandered off. Fortunately help was nearby and the IGW was taken to a medical facility for treatment. It is believed the poacher fell into a hole formerly used coal mining, but didn't care.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex             ®         His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 31 Oct 19 - 05:16 PM

... and where is olddude,
our vice emperor of vice, anyhow?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 30 Oct 19 - 07:02 PM

Perhaps the post can be held open, or suspended, until gnu is able to resume his duties? Wouldn't want him to feel he has been usurped.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Oct 19 - 12:40 PM

I posted a bit of good cheer to Gnu,
it may be a while before he has it.
Not sure if he is at home,
or still in hospital.
Just to recap:

Gnu's elderly mother is the one who passed away.
The two of them have lived next door to each other for years,
with him taking care of here,
and caregivers also coming when his mother was ill.
She passed in late September;
I don't know this for certain, but
it may have been after the funeral that Gnu fell and hurt himself.

I wonder who is filling in while the
Imperial Game Warden is recuperating.
Maybe olddude??

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Oct 19 - 07:18 PM

I am sorry to hear that The Imperial Game Warden has suffered a fall. It is doubtlessly a serious matter.

After all, Gnu is not one to suffer falls gladly.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
(and occasional punster if Severn isn't around)
His mark: <¡!>

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Oct 19 - 01:31 PM

I have no further news on Gnu the Imperial Game Warden.
Which perhaps is good news,
meaning that his condition is no worse
and that he continues treatment and recovery.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Oct 19 - 03:58 PM

Gnu, the Imperial Head Game Warden,
has communicated with a fellow Mudcatter --
meaning, this update is second- or third- hand on my part.

Gnu suffered a fall,
the source of the injuries
that have put him in hospital.
The report says he will be there for a while yet.

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 19 Oct 19 - 12:55 AM

What He said.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Oct 19 - 08:40 PM

All of Our subjects are the best available. We always strive for quality subjects and those which are substandard are dealt with forthwith.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex          ®      His Mark

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: JennieG
Date: 18 Oct 19 - 07:43 PM

It is good, Imperial Ignoramus, that you take your duties seriously......otherwise I might have to take mine equally seriously! You are probably the best Imperial Ignoramus ever known.

JennieG
Imperial Torturer, Dungeon Choir Wrangler and Overseer of Empiratical Banjo Ensemble
[§] Her mark
(For which I thank Our Most Gracious Emperor Rapparee)

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Oct 19 - 03:27 PM

... dangling participles?

Subject: RE: BS: Rap for emperor
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Oct 19 - 12:25 PM

A few posts back, Emperor Rap asserted that he has not been ignoring this thread. That is good to know since ignoring this thread is the prerogative of The Imperial Ignoramus. If this thread needs ignoring, I'll take care of it. It's my job, and I take pride in a job well done.

Bee-dubya-ell
Imperial Ignoramus
His mark: <¡!>