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TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times

catspaw49 06 Dec 99 - 10:15 PM
MandolinPaul 06 Dec 99 - 10:25 PM
Little Neophyte 06 Dec 99 - 10:33 PM
Midchuck 06 Dec 99 - 10:33 PM
Escamillo 06 Dec 99 - 10:46 PM
sophocleese 06 Dec 99 - 10:59 PM
Mbo 06 Dec 99 - 11:15 PM
northfolk/al cholger 06 Dec 99 - 11:28 PM
Jeri 06 Dec 99 - 11:30 PM
Metchosin 06 Dec 99 - 11:59 PM
katlaughing 07 Dec 99 - 12:36 AM
SeanM 07 Dec 99 - 12:49 AM
Áine 07 Dec 99 - 12:53 AM
catspaw49 07 Dec 99 - 01:02 AM
JedMarum 07 Dec 99 - 01:44 AM
Metchosin 07 Dec 99 - 01:49 AM
Liz the Squeak 07 Dec 99 - 04:28 AM
Alan of Australia 07 Dec 99 - 06:19 AM
Liz the Squeak 07 Dec 99 - 07:30 AM
InOBU 07 Dec 99 - 07:52 AM
Mike Billo 07 Dec 99 - 10:20 AM
alison 07 Dec 99 - 10:25 AM
Vixen 07 Dec 99 - 10:36 AM
Davey 07 Dec 99 - 10:40 AM
lamarca 07 Dec 99 - 02:44 PM
Roger the skiffler 07 Dec 99 - 02:49 PM
MMario 07 Dec 99 - 02:55 PM
jeffp 07 Dec 99 - 03:42 PM
Bert 07 Dec 99 - 04:15 PM
kendall 07 Dec 99 - 04:50 PM
Little Dorrit 07 Dec 99 - 05:08 PM
Llanfair 07 Dec 99 - 05:12 PM
07 Dec 99 - 05:36 PM
lamarca 07 Dec 99 - 05:45 PM
catspaw49 07 Dec 99 - 07:45 PM
Caitrin 07 Dec 99 - 08:02 PM
McGrath of Harlow 07 Dec 99 - 08:23 PM
Paul S 08 Dec 99 - 09:22 AM
Paul S 08 Dec 99 - 09:23 AM
Mbo 08 Dec 99 - 09:37 AM
Roger the skiffler 08 Dec 99 - 10:23 AM
Roger the skiffler 08 Dec 99 - 10:27 AM
Bert 08 Dec 99 - 10:48 AM
Ma-K 08 Dec 99 - 02:47 PM
Bullfrog 09 Dec 99 - 11:25 AM
Bill D 09 Dec 99 - 12:14 PM
AllisonA(Animaterra) 09 Dec 99 - 12:26 PM
Paul S 09 Dec 99 - 12:38 PM
Bert 09 Dec 99 - 12:47 PM
sophocleese 09 Dec 99 - 01:49 PM
Bert 09 Dec 99 - 01:54 PM
Barbara 09 Dec 99 - 03:49 PM
Wesley S 09 Dec 99 - 04:56 PM
Lanfranc 09 Dec 99 - 05:31 PM
lamarca 09 Dec 99 - 05:43 PM
Bill D 09 Dec 99 - 06:04 PM
Diesel 10 Dec 99 - 03:27 PM
jeffp 10 Dec 99 - 04:12 PM
Caitrin 10 Dec 99 - 09:27 PM
john 10 Dec 99 - 09:52 PM
bunkerhill 11 Dec 99 - 12:06 AM
Hagbardr 11 Dec 99 - 10:46 PM
catspaw49 11 Dec 99 - 11:03 PM
bseed(charleskratz) 12 Dec 99 - 04:14 AM
Micca 12 Dec 99 - 06:27 AM
Slider 12 Dec 99 - 06:35 AM
coriander 12 Dec 99 - 08:36 AM
DonMeixner 12 Dec 99 - 10:56 PM
Mbo 13 Dec 99 - 09:50 AM
Mbo 13 Dec 99 - 09:50 AM
Blackcat2 13 Dec 99 - 11:20 AM
catspaw49 13 Dec 99 - 01:21 PM
Lonesome EJ 16 Dec 99 - 12:04 AM
sophocleese 16 Dec 99 - 12:20 AM
IceWolf 16 Dec 99 - 07:28 AM
Skipjack 16 Dec 99 - 07:52 AM
jeffp 16 Dec 99 - 10:44 AM
Bert 20 Jul 00 - 04:09 PM
Wesley S 20 Jul 00 - 04:14 PM
Bert 20 Jul 00 - 04:16 PM
SINSULL 20 Jul 00 - 04:34 PM
SDShad 20 Jul 00 - 04:43 PM
catspaw49 20 Jul 00 - 04:55 PM
Dharmabum 20 Jul 00 - 05:07 PM
Kim C 20 Jul 00 - 05:19 PM
Sorcha 20 Jul 00 - 05:46 PM
dwditty 20 Jul 00 - 07:39 PM
Ebbie 20 Jul 00 - 08:16 PM
Homeless 21 Jul 00 - 09:38 AM
Jim the Bart 21 Jul 00 - 10:23 AM
GUEST 21 Jul 00 - 01:07 PM
GUEST,Skivee 21 Jul 00 - 01:12 PM
GUEST,Skivee 21 Jul 00 - 01:15 PM
Bagpuss 21 Jul 00 - 01:51 PM
Micca 21 Jul 00 - 01:52 PM
The Walrus at work 21 Jul 00 - 02:34 PM
Morticia 21 Jul 00 - 03:52 PM
catspaw49 21 Jul 00 - 04:14 PM
Morticia 21 Jul 00 - 06:37 PM
McGrath of Harlow 21 Jul 00 - 07:16 PM
Mbo 21 Jul 00 - 07:23 PM
Mbo 21 Jul 00 - 07:23 PM

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Subject: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Dec 99 - 10:15 PM

I've always loved wacky signs. I used to love the "National Lampoon's" sign pages. Some are done to be cutesy or gross such as a butcher friend who did actually have a slogan on his price board that said, "You Can't Beat My Meat." But those aren't all that humorous. The really funny ones are the unintentional things that you may need to be a bit "whacked" to appreciate. Like "Big A Cleaners"--Steve Allan called them from his TV show and asked how much it would cost to clean his big A. That kind of thing.

I saw a real goody today!!! And don't you know I'm just dying to call them!!! We passed a small plant, probably specializing in sandpaper or carborundum wheels or whatever with a nice sign out front that read:

ABRASIVE TECHNOLOGIES

Uh,huh. Phone call--"Hello, I want to talk to you about this damn (insert computer thing, ie. scanner). The directions really suck and I can get the foccker to work and its a real pisser....Not a gawddamn bit user friendly. I figure you must have made it, so tell me what the hell I gotta' do to get it working."

Can you see the poor slob on the other end? And you could play it for awhile too. Anyway...........

Got a few of these you've seen???

Spaw


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: MandolinPaul
Date: 06 Dec 99 - 10:25 PM

On the side of a factory, is the company name: "otal Precision", complete with the discolouring where the "T" used to be.

On a bus ad in Peterborough, Ontario: "The Kawartha Credit Union - The alternative to all your banking needs". So you can go someplace else to satisfy all of your banking needs, OR as an alternative, you can go to the Kawartha Credit Union.

Paul


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 06 Dec 99 - 10:33 PM

No joke, I really saw this...................
A proctologist office with a big sign
AMPLE PARKING IN THE REAR


I couldn't believe it!

BB


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Midchuck
Date: 06 Dec 99 - 10:33 PM

This will confuse the British and American members, for opposite reasons.

A young female friend of ours has a picture of herself, taken in England, pointing at a huge billboard for "Beaver Removals," with a horrified look on her face.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Escamillo
Date: 06 Dec 99 - 10:46 PM

Near here there is a big and ugly building. Just in a corner's wall, a group of artists, sponsored by some civil organization, have painted an enormous picture that resembles a big hole in the wall, as if made with a hammer, its edges as broken masonry, through which you can see a landscape of green fields and trees up to the horizon. The paint is titled "UTOPIA", and the building is the State Prison. Of course, it can be seen only from outside. I still can't say if this could be called art, or humour, or cruelty, or something else.
Yours, Andrés


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: sophocleese
Date: 06 Dec 99 - 10:59 PM

Every time we visit my inlaws we pass "Ye Olde Hitch and Post Hair Care". I'm not sure I want to know what kind of styling they do.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Mbo
Date: 06 Dec 99 - 11:15 PM

There's one me sister and I laugh at every weekend. Up around Kinston way (NC)there's this empty parking lot. The sign reads "Do-It-Yourself Car Wash." Also in Kinston is a run-down place advertising "Fishing Rods, Bait, Worms, Crickets, Night Crawlers, and North Carolina State Car Inspections."

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: northfolk/al cholger
Date: 06 Dec 99 - 11:28 PM

I like the handy work of a local sage in the small northern michigan town of Hale, who put up a sign that looked very much like the highway department signage, at the city limit, except on one side it said,

in Hale, and on the other, exhale.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Jeri
Date: 06 Dec 99 - 11:30 PM

There once was a sign near where I live with one-way arrows pointing in both directions.

During some horrible crop-ruining floods in Indiana, some poor farmer with a sense of humor stuck a "no fishing" sign beside the small lake in what once was his corn field.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Metchosin
Date: 06 Dec 99 - 11:59 PM

sign in front of restaurant on Vancouver Island....Eat Here .....Get Gas


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: katlaughing
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 12:36 AM

Metchosin, that reminds me, as a really little kid I used to look at the signs that said "Gas Food Lodging" and wonder where the logic was in eating gas before going to bed.

Great thread, Spaw.

luvyaKat


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: SeanM
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 12:49 AM

My current absolute favorite is the "Michelobe... or Beer?" advertising campaign... I've always suspected that Michelob wasn't really beer... M


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Áine
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 12:53 AM

My Daddy always said that Jax was the only honest American beer -- at least they put a picture of the horse on the label!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 01:02 AM

Its not exactly a sign, but take a look at a frozen dinner. On the front of the package is a picture of the "dinner" sitting in the tray. Underneath it says, "Serving Suggestion"......Geez, I would never have thought of serving it THAT WAY...........gimmee peace.....

Spaw


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: JedMarum
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 01:44 AM

Who's Steve Allan?


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Metchosin
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 01:49 AM

To import something I just posted at another thread, when I worked in St. John's Nfld., many years ago, I rented a car just to drive to an outport town called Dildo, so I could say I had been there and was suprised to find there was an Upper Dildo too.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 04:28 AM

In the Whitechapel Road, London, is a shop called 'Butts Wholesale', hysterical laughter every time I go past it....

And there are trucks that drive up and down the UK with 'Snap on Tools' written all over them.. I didn't even know they snapped off!!

There was once a convent that wanted to call themselves the Sisters of the Holy and Indivisible Trinity, until someone pointed out what the anacronym would be.... same mistake was nearly made by Newcastle Polytechnic, who when converted to a university, when there was already a Newcastle University, wanted to call themselves the City University of Newcastle Town........ That's true, the curate told me last night in the pub....

LTS


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Alan of Australia
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 06:19 AM

G'day,
A friend just emailed me these:-

Sign in a Laundromat AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

Sign in a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

Sign on a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Spotted in a toilet in a London office block: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

Cheers,
Alan


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 07:30 AM

We have a dry cleaners near us that proudly states ~ Don't kill your wife, let us do it!

The signs of our times that I find least amusing are the ones on the door to Harrods that state NO: backpacks photography or videoing ripped jeans (even if they are Gautier) food or drink vests (singlets)or bra tops mobile phones

It's only a jumped up grocers shop for heavens sake. I just simply say NO HARRODS!

LTS


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: InOBU
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 07:52 AM

New York City, Essex Street, there is a retail market, in yellow sandstone. The name is written on an indentation in the wall, over each door, so that if you stand at the right angle, with the light just right, you dont see the indentation and can make a photograph of the sex street tail market. All the best Larry


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Mike Billo
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 10:20 AM

For many years a shop in Oakland left up their sign that they neglected to put the apostrophe in, LINOLEUM DICKS.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: alison
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 10:25 AM

I always liked this one at road works........ SLOW - BIG PLANT CROSSING

havn't seen a big tulip yet.. but I'm still looking...

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Vixen
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 10:36 AM

At the dentist's last month in Mystic, CT, the canopy over the adjacent doctor's office door read:

STIC DICAL ENTER

This, for some reason, sent me into spasms of laughter at the time, and still gives me a chuckle now.

I wish someone could tell me why I find it so amusing...I didn't have nitrous at the dentist's!

V


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Davey
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 10:40 AM

What a timely thread..... I just got this in my email this morning.

The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD.
HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.
----------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES:
PART COCKER SPANIEL -
PART SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD
- PART STUPID DOG
------------------------------
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD.
-----------------------------------
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB-
$850/offer
-----------------------------------
AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
-----------------------------------
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
----------------------------------
2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
--------------------------------
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
---------------------------------
NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBIE
------------------------------------
HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
----------------------------------------
GET A LITTLE JOHN:
THE TRAVELING URINAL THAT HOLDS 2 ½ BOTTLES OF BEER.
-------------------------------------------
HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
----------------------------------------
GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
------------------------------------------
NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
SLIGHTLY STAINED
------------------------------------------
FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
------------------------------------------ AMERICAN FLAG
60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100
------------------------------------------
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.
---------------------------------------------
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS-$175.
---------------------------------------------
OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
-----------------------------------------------
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.
----------------------------------------------
LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
---------------------------------------------
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
-------------------------------------------
GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.
----------------------------------
OPEN HOUSE:
BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
--------------------------------------
FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of
Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer.
No longer needed. Got married last weekend.
Wife knows everything.


Davey... (:>)


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: lamarca
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 02:44 PM

I'm collecting dumb or overwrought US Park Service signs from National Parks around the country. Here are a few of my favorites:

"Know the dangers of the Potomac River. Steep rocks, deadly currents. Even wading can kill!" - Great Falls Park, Washington, DC

"Danger - blue jellyfish" (refers to the many Portuguese man-o'war jellyfish washed up on the beach, but offers no other explanation)
"Report live turtles immediately" (Why - what have they done? Report them to whom?)- Padre Island National Seashore

"In case of flooding, climb to safety"- Cache le Poudre Canyon, Colorado (Uh, duh...)

"Wild ponies kick and bite. Do not feed them." - Assateague National Seashore (It was a great disillusionment for someone who grew up reading "Misty of the Chincoteague" to see the wild ponies for the first time, kicking over trashcans on the beach and scavenging Dorito chips...)


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Roger the skiffler
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 02:49 PM

In small letters so you had to stand really close to read it: "Danger, do not stand under here, falling rocks"!
... and those signs near airports "Beware low flying aircraft" (what do you do, take your hat off, as someone (Michael Flanders, Victor Borge?) use to say.
RtS


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: MMario
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 02:55 PM

The saddest "signs of our times"

"Caution - coffee is hot and can scald if spilled"

"Stairs slippery when wet - use handrail. Management is not responsible for injury occuring when stairs are wet"

"Not responsible for lost or stolen articles"


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: jeffp
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 03:42 PM

Many years ago, my family went to Colorado for a reunion. We did some sightseeing while we were there, of course, which included a drive on something called the Serpentine Road (an apt description). It was at the bottom of an incredibly tall canyon and so narrow that it was one-way. Near the end of the drive, the road passed under a road bridge which was waaaaay up at the top of the canyon. On that bridge was a sign which required binoculars to read. It said "Clearance 97 Feet." Useless, but probably required by law. As Mr. Bumble said, "The law is an ass."

Jeffp


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Bert
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 04:15 PM

We got a laugh from one local store which has just put up a new sign...

STOCK UP FOR Y2K NOW
BEER, WATER.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: kendall
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 04:50 PM

I posted this before, this time I'll do it right. Many convenience stores in southern Maine have these signs:
DICKS WORMS AND CRAWLERS.

there is a store in northern Maine with a sign that says
If we aint got it, you dont need it.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Little Dorrit
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 05:08 PM

There used to be a construction company in Moreton in the Marsh warwickshire called SPOOK ERECTIONS -of course that was in the days before Viagra!


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Llanfair
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 05:12 PM

Carved on an ancient stone in the middle of a field;
FO
RAS
SES
TOR
UBA
GAI
NS
T+
Hwyl, Bron.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From:
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 05:36 PM

A refuse removal outfit in Maryland had signs on the back of their trucks that read: SATISFACTION GUARANTEED OR DOUBLE YOUR GARBAGE BACK.

and in Angola,DE an old run down drive-in had a sign on it's roof that had been altered by vandals and never corrected that read: FAT IN YOUR CAR.

Frankie


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: lamarca
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 05:45 PM

Then there was a fast food place, "McConnell's Fun Food" on Rt. 404 outside of Denton, MD that had the sign:

"WE FRY CHOLESTEROL FREE"

They're out of business now...

And one on Ocean Highway in Ocean City, MD that advertised

"BAIT SANDWICHES"

I don't think they served sushi...


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 07:45 PM

I know what you men Mario....sad signs indeed. Equally sad, in a different way is some of the labeling on boxes. Like we can't figure out what size of shape or material to use ourselves. Sadly a lot of people can't and sue somebody. I remember looking at the bottom of a donut box..."Suggested Use: 12 Circular Donuts".....like I was going to ship an anvil in it fer chrissakes. I used that box to teach one of my classes for three days.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Caitrin
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 08:02 PM

Those little "do not eat" packages in shoeboxes. I mean, what are you going to do? Say, "I need a snack. Why eat potato chips when we've got these nice little papers full of silica crystals?" It's just silly.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 07 Dec 99 - 08:23 PM

Sidmouth Festival on the campo site they had one year a noitice saying "Do not block the toilets with your cars"

But the saddest signs, and they aren't a joke, are all the signs in every open space next to housing developments saying "No ball games"

Or there are the notices you see as you drive around saying "Rabbits for sale - for pets or table"


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Paul S
Date: 08 Dec 99 - 09:22 AM

There is a family down the road that has at least five kids. The sign on their extra-long driveway says, "SLOW children at play". Some of these kids go to the school that my wife teaches at, and she couldn't agree more.

Caitrin, the other day, I was rummaging through my brand new shoes, looking for something to eat, when I came across one of those packages of silica gel. That warning may have saved my life.

Paul


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Paul S
Date: 08 Dec 99 - 09:23 AM

By the way, that's a joke.

Paul


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Mbo
Date: 08 Dec 99 - 09:37 AM

There are some signs that just don't mean to be funny, like in Lenoir County, there's a place called "Tickbite." After Hurricane Floyd, there was a picture on the front page of the Jacksonville Daily News reading "Dog rescued from flood waters in Tickbite." There's also a funny sign sometimes seen outside new construction projects in J-ville "This site planned by Boney Architects." On the WITN-7 Seven Feet of Cash giveaway, their tagline is "You Can't Win If You Don't Play." Kinda reminds me of my own proposed tagline for KFC "Tastes So Good, You Wanna Eat It." Want's the deal with that?

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Roger the skiffler
Date: 08 Dec 99 - 10:23 AM

The UK satirical magazine Private Eye has a weekly feature on this: I particularly liked this one:Click here
RtS


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Roger the skiffler
Date: 08 Dec 99 - 10:27 AM

Sorry the link reverts to the front page. Click on I-Spy within the link to get the sign
Roger the not-so-smartarse


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Bert
Date: 08 Dec 99 - 10:48 AM

I saw a sign in Alabama that proclaimed "Pornography Awareness Week" It turned out to be for a church, not an adult bookstore as I had first suspected. I bet they packed 'em in the aisles that week.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Ma-K
Date: 08 Dec 99 - 02:47 PM

I saw this on top of a dam in Wyo. DON'T DROP TOOL MEN BELOW......


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Bullfrog
Date: 09 Dec 99 - 11:25 AM

My personal favourite is in a field on the road from Buckingham to Bicester: FOR SALE --- FARMER'S OWN SEED.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Bill D
Date: 09 Dec 99 - 12:14 PM

there is a Quaker school in Wichita, that for awhile put out some brochures referring to

"Friends University of Central Kansas"

and I have a photo...taken by me, of a plain little motel right about here near the Kansas-Missouri border , with a sign mounted clear along the peak of its roof, proclaiming MOTEL 69


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 09 Dec 99 - 12:26 PM

Not far from here neat the Massachusetts border there is a long driveway leading to two very different businesses. Along the road are signs for each business, side by side: Joe's Self-Storage Units. County Prison.
Am I the only one who thinks that's funny?


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Paul S
Date: 09 Dec 99 - 12:38 PM

Yep.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Bert
Date: 09 Dec 99 - 12:47 PM

Nope.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: sophocleese
Date: 09 Dec 99 - 01:49 PM

THAT'S IT!! I'm tired of this persistent bickering Paul and Bert make up now!

Thank you.

PS. Bert's right.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Bert
Date: 09 Dec 99 - 01:54 PM

Yep.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Barbara
Date: 09 Dec 99 - 03:49 PM

Bill D., that's probably why the First Unitarian Church, located on the main drag in Kensington, California, calls itself the First Unitarian Church of Berkeley.
Blessings,
Barbara


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Wesley S
Date: 09 Dec 99 - 04:56 PM

I remember a little store back in Florida that had a sign that said "WORMS AND COLD BEER". I always thought it would take a LOT of beer to get me to eat worms.

Also in downtown Dallas there is a drycleaners that says "Experts in Blood Removal". I've never wanted to hang around that part of town for very long.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Lanfranc
Date: 09 Dec 99 - 05:31 PM

I was going to mention the (apocryphal) British road sign graffito on the A12 road to the port of Harwich.

HARWICH FOR THE CONTINENT

to which some unkind wag added

AND FRINTON FOR THE INCONTINENT

but I figured that it would probably need too much explanation to be funny, so I won't.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: lamarca
Date: 09 Dec 99 - 05:43 PM

We have a recurring grafitti (grafittus?) on a railway bridge overpass over the Capital Beltway (the multilane highway that circles Washington, DC). Some wag painted this years ago - it gets painted over, then periodically someone puts it back.

As you're travelling east to west, counterclockwise, through Silver Spring, Maryland, the Mormon Temple starts looming in your vision on your right. It has multiple spires that look like needles or crystals, and is always illuminated so it shows up real good. Someone painted on the railway bridge

"SURRENDER DOROTHY"

Some of my friends and I always had a sneaky desire to put emerald green Roscogels on the spotlights on the Temple...


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Bill D
Date: 09 Dec 99 - 06:04 PM

*Barbara...*big grin*..yep, though, I'd think Unitarians would just grin and let it go.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Diesel
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 03:27 PM

Seen the explanation booklet that comes with american military helmets - the opening line was "Soldier - this is your it helmet - it is to protect your head " * Duh!

Also seen in a butchers shop in Kilkenny , " we sell bacon - from pigs that died happy "

Diesel


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: jeffp
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 04:12 PM

lamarca, you must have known my first wife - she had the same desire about the Mormon Temple. We could never figure out a way to pull it off without getting caught. If it ever happens, it wasn't me...I swear it wasn't...really...truly...


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Caitrin
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 09:27 PM

I've always thought the "Slow children at play" signs were funny. I always thought slow as in "Slow motion", though. You know, like they couldn't get out of the way of a car.
I've also always liked the idea of adding to one of those "Jesus saves" signs "and Moses invests!"


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: john
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 09:52 PM

In the 1950s a barber by the name of Hec Firkin put a sign outside his shop in a small New Zealand town.It proclaimed..

GET A FIRKIN HAIRCUT

The local council made him remove it.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: bunkerhill
Date: 11 Dec 99 - 12:06 AM

These call the imperative to mind: Stone the Druggist (Conway,N.H.) Pound the Florist (sandwich,ma)


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Hagbardr
Date: 11 Dec 99 - 10:46 PM

Here's one I saw today. At the Lehigh Tunnel on the PA Turnpike there's a sign that as long as I can remember has said "REMOVE SUNGLASSES". Today when I passed it it said "R M SUNGLASSES" and I thought, "Hrmmm.... PennDOT must be switching to Linux.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Dec 99 - 11:03 PM

Although it wasn't a sign, this one is certainly a sign of our times.

My good friend Wayne who some of you remember as graduating as a Physician's Assistant back in May (age 48) has been working as a pharmacy tech until his National Board exams came back (just did too-needed 350 to pass, got a 480) and he is certified.

The other day he was filling a prescription for Viagra. On the order slip there is a pick-up time slot labeled,

CUSTOMER NEEDS ______________. And you fill in the blank with a time.

When Wayne checked, the blank said ......"SOON"

Spaw


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 12 Dec 99 - 04:14 AM

When I first moved to El Cerrito, next to the Food Farm grocery where I shopped was the SULLEN BEAUTY SUPPLIES. I guess it went out of business too soon, what with "heroine chic" being the mode in fashion photography. And then last week I parked my car across the street from a van with the logo: SULLEN AUTO REPAIRS. Yeah, I'll bet they get a lot of repeat business.

--seed


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Micca
Date: 12 Dec 99 - 06:27 AM

Then of course there is the famous ad from the New Scientist here in the UK for an
Edible Oil Technologist. >br> The othere one which caused mayhem was a large sign on the local Pharmacy window that said
Free Gifts
Nothing wrong with that until you pass by with a German Pharmacist as your companion, he had to sit down to recover from laughing. Apparently Gift is the German for Poison!!! I also liked a sign many years ago in a wine shop window that announced "Superior Vin Ordinaire".


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Slider
Date: 12 Dec 99 - 06:35 AM

A sign many years ago that used to make me laugh every time I went down Broadway St. in Rochester,MN. was for a realtor by the name of C."Gordy" Suk. Another time my wife and I were traveling in the Shenendoah valley in Virginia when we saw many billboard adverts. for something called "Chicken in the Rough". What the heck is that? Another billboard was for a place called "Antiques Old an New". Just down the road from where I live(Winona,MN.) is a town called La Moille. Now if you pronounce it the way it is around here, it sorta sounds like a French Jewish guy who "works for tips" if ya know what I mean...What about parking lot signs that say things like "ENTRANCE-NO EXIT". I guess once you're in there, your stuck!


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: coriander
Date: 12 Dec 99 - 08:36 AM

In the town I grew up in, as you came down the steps from the railway station to the exit there used to be a large advertising sign for a local garage which declared "Redhill Exhausts and Tyres". Still makes me chuckle.... coriander


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: DonMeixner
Date: 12 Dec 99 - 10:56 PM

On a strip mall in Baldwinsville NY

"Chinese Cuisine" is directly over "Pet Paradise".

A whole new meaning to Putting on the Dog.

Don


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Mbo
Date: 13 Dec 99 - 09:50 AM

We have a place here (Jacksonville,NC) called Askew Lumber. I Wouldn't buy anything from them!


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Mbo
Date: 13 Dec 99 - 09:50 AM

We have a place here (Jacksonville,NC) called Askew Lumber. I Wouldn't buy anything from them!

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Blackcat2
Date: 13 Dec 99 - 11:20 AM

two front Central Florida:

1) years ago there was a house down my street that sold small livestock (ducks, chickens, lovebirds, etc.) and for a long time one big sing for them proclaimed: RABBIS FOR SALE - It must have stood like that for 2 years before someone finally put in the "T".

2) currently (and for a couple years) there is a sign visible on Interstate 4 in downtown Orlando that says: FREE STEAKS TO REPLACE YOUR WINDSHIELD. I'm not sure what kind of steaks they are, but one would think they'd have to be mighty thin to be transparent. . . .

pax yall


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: catspaw49
Date: 13 Dec 99 - 01:21 PM

MIGHTY THIN --- "Read a magazine right through it. Look at the pictures too. Purty whiskey bottles...Nekkid women..."

Spaw - (and Woody)


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 12:04 AM

I recently got a packet from Radioshack (I own a franchise), that included a sign that said CLOSED THANKSGIVING. It included a short instruction that read do not post this sign if your store is open Thanksgiving.

I saw an advertisement in our local paper. It featured a photo of a Realtor and read Bob Shaffer just wants to wish his many customers a Merry Christmas! Thanks for a great 1999, and I look forward to serving you throughout the new millennium! Now here's a guy with an unreal life expectancy.

LEJ


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: sophocleese
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 12:20 AM

I have to admit I always get a kick out of seeing the sign "WARNING! This door is alarmed!" Okay, I'll try not to startle it.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: IceWolf
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 07:28 AM

Oh dear. I'm one of the miscreants who painted "Surrender Dorothy" on the bridge one year.

Many companies (in the US at least) issue badges to their employees with magnetic stripes that are used to enter the buildings (and other secure areas). A certain corporation I used to work for had the following inscribed on the badge readers:
Insert
Badge
Moderately

And speaking of my former employer reminds me, has anyone else ever noticed the following coincedence? In the movie "2001: A Space Odessey", the rogue computer is called HAL. Now... if you advance each letter in HAL one position in the alphabet, you come up with IBM.

--IceWolf (who needs to quit reading the Forums and go back to work)


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Skipjack
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 07:52 AM

When the M40 motorway was newly opened, between London and Brum, near Banbury there was a collection of Portacabins called "Emergency Services". They were eventually replaced with a full motorway service staion, but for about a year, there was a sign at the next roundabbout that declared "Emergency Pub"


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: jeffp
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 10:44 AM

IceWolf, great hack!!!! You can still see where it has been painted over and I still get a chuckle every time.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 04:09 PM

Our local music store has a huge sign in the window "TRUMPET SALE" and the window is full of drums.

Makes you want to go in and ask 'Have you ever SEEN a trumpet'

Bert.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Wesley S
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 04:14 PM

I drive by a local gun store that advertises "Avon Sold Here" . That really conjures up some images......


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Bert
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 04:16 PM

Well that's better than the Avon Lady coming to your door selling guns I suppose.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: SINSULL
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 04:34 PM

A hair salon in my neighborhood put up an elaborate awning announcing that they were a UNIXES salon. I honestly thought that it was a salon for eunuchs until lightening struck and I realized it was a mispelling. Dumb! But who's dumber? Me? Or them for putting the damn thing up anyway? By the way, it's still there two years later.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: SDShad
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 04:43 PM

As you travel west on Interstate 90 in South Dakota between Sioux Falls and Mitchell, you'll see a sign for an auto repair garage that advertises "Free Toe Service."

Lookit, Martha! We kin git a lube job and a pedicure!

Shad


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 04:55 PM

good one Shad.......I'm still confused by a drive thru beer barn which I pass and has had the same sign out for a long while. "BEER/WINE/TANNING" ....now remember this is a drive thru! Whaddaya do? Tan one arm one day and the other next? Do you drive thru nekkid? I'm gonna' stop at this place sometime, like, I gotta' know.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Dharmabum
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 05:07 PM

There used to be a factory along Rt.287 here in Jersey,had a big neon sign that said "TINGLY RUBBER PRODUCTS". I haven't been out that way in a while, don't know if it's still there.

Saw this in a spot o pot at a bluegrass fest 2 weeks ago, "CAPACITY 25" then in small print "over a 40 hour period".

Ron.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Kim C
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 05:19 PM

There's a place in my husband's hometown with the sign, "Used Baby Store."

A hotel down the road had some of the lights burnt out in their sign. It read, "GOOSECREEK REST RANT"

I've always wondered about the Slow Caution Horses and figured that would be a pretty good name for a band.

I really liked the one about the Firkin Haircut.

When I was a student at Belmont University here in Nashville (then Belmont College), the sign on the interstate said Belmont College Fairgrounds. Of course, the fairgrounds and the college were off the same exit but I always thought the sign was funny. They've changed it since then.

One of the Schlotzky's up the street says, "Try Our Feista Chicken."

I used to work in a furniture store and we sold these little end tables with the label, "This is a table. Don't sit on it." I have also seen those windshield protectors that say, "Remove before driving."

heeheeheeheeheee


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Sorcha
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 05:46 PM

Lordy, lordy. Somehow I missed this one when I came in last winter. Oh dear, great stuff. Sides hurt. Can't think, but I have seen some doozies. Will try to remember..........tracing.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: dwditty
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 07:39 PM

I once called Harry's Auto Body. After three rings, a guy answered with, "Harry's Dick speaking." I was laughing so hard I had to hang up.
dw


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Ebbie
Date: 20 Jul 00 - 08:16 PM

At a machine shop outside McMinnville, Oregon is a roadside sign warning 'Fabrications'. You probably can't believe a thing they say...Ebbie


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Homeless
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 09:38 AM

I went in to a Burger King once where the sign proclaimed "99 cent Whoopers" When I pointed out to them that their trademark sandwich was spelled wrong on the sign (and had to tell them how to spell it correctly!) the kid went out and changed it to "Whooppers"


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 10:23 AM

In a suburb near Chicago there was a billboard in support of the Jewish population in the USSR. It said "Save Soviet Jewry". Whenever I'd drive by the sign, I always thought it would be funny to add to the bottom of the sign "win valuable prizes". But I never did it. Out of respect, you know.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 01:07 PM

There was a small beauty salon nearby with the following sign: APPOINTMENTS NOT (always) NECESSARY Hoping this stays formatted when I send it. The "Appointments not" and "Necessary" were in very big type. the "always" was tine and parenthetical.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: GUEST,Skivee
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 01:12 PM

That last was from me . Someone ate my cookie!


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: GUEST,Skivee
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 01:15 PM

Someone also ate my ability to spell, "Tiny".


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Bagpuss
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 01:51 PM

I aint read all this thread, so pardon me if I'm repeating someone. I saw a sign saying "FREE NELSON MANDELA" a few years back, and someone had written under it "With every pack of cornflakes".

Then theres the old JESUS SAVES - but Keegan scores on the rebound.

Bagpuss


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Micca
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 01:52 PM

There was a Graffito on the M4 that said "Free Wales" and someone added "with every 5 gallons"


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 02:34 PM

I recall that about 20 years ago, there was a shop in Southall with the notice "Ears pierced while you wait". I just had this vision of someone walking in to have their ears pierced and leaving them while they went elsewhere.

Regards

Walrus


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Morticia
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 03:52 PM

I love the sleeping policeman warnings that state " Humps for 40 yds"........ I'd love to see that, it must be damned impressive!!


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 04:14 PM

Well Morty, I think it would depend on how fast you were going. At 75 or 80, it'd be over in a flash.

Uncle Pat


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Morticia
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 06:37 PM

at 75 or 80, I'd be impressed if it could be accomplished at all :)


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 07:16 PM

"I would never pay 30 bucks to have my truss-rod adjusted" - this comes from a current thgread about truss rods, and I couldn't resist posting it here.


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 07:23 PM

Funny English signs I saw in Okinawa, Japan while I was there for 3 years:

--Flag outside department store: "BIG SAEL!"
--On the side of a Coca-Cola truck: "I Feel Coke"
--T-shirts: "Le Because Very," and "American Baseball League Major Be-Hot"
--Shopping center: "Navel Shopping Center"

--Matt


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Subject: RE: TOTAL BS: Signs of Our Times
From: Mbo
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 07:23 PM

Funny English signs I saw in Okinawa, Japan while I was there for 3 years:

--Flag outside department store: "BIG SAEL!"
--On the side of a Coca-Cola truck: "I Feel Coke"
--T-shirts: "Le Because Very," and "American Baseball League Major Be-Hot"
--Shopping center: "Navel Shopping Center"

--Matt


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This Thread Is Closed.


Mudcat time: 28 November 1:43 PM EST

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