The funniest song you have ever heard!

Subject: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From:
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 01:53 AM

O.K. we've heard about the saddest songs people have heard. What about the funniest songs. Get them rolling in! I could do with a good laugh.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: emily rain
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 02:07 AM

the song that made me laugh the hardest recently was "the devil and the widow" (i think that's the title used in the DT). now when i sing it i introduce it as a song about the days before vibrators. : )

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 03:22 AM

I'm afraid it will have to be Les Barker's 'Lonely Little Lemming', I'm giggling even now..... And it is supposed to be a sad song!!

LTS

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Roger in Baltimore
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 06:12 AM

Brad,

This changes from week to week. My current favorite is Tim Wallace's "You Don't Even Care". I typed in the lyrics on a previous thead, CLICK HERE.

Roger in Baltimore

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Skipjack
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 07:19 AM

Imelda Marcos singing "Feelings". I laughed so much I almost payed my license fee.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Midchuck
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 07:29 AM

Lou and Peter Berryman's The Dog of Time might qualify as a contender for both saddest and funniest.

For quite a while, I felt the Austin Lounge Lizards' Old Blevins was the funniest, but it gets less funny with every year older that I get.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Tiger
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 08:12 AM

Well, there's many, but the one that always has 'em rolling on the floor around here is:

"Bobbit" by Tom Paxton

which I usually follow up with:

"Let's Go to Michael Jackson's House" (also Paxton)

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: kendall
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 08:16 AM

the problem with comedy is, it does not last like tragedy. When I first heard Moose turd pie it was very funny. Now I hate to have someone ask me to sing it. One of my current favorites is Tom Paxtons song about Lorena and John Wayne Bobbitt.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Bert
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 09:11 AM

I think that "The Old Sow Song" has to be way up there near the top. I never get tired of singing it.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Mbo
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 09:45 AM

If you've ever heard any of Ray Stevens' stuff, you know why I can't stop laughing over it. There's "Fred" about a dog who chases women and ends up getting creamed by a dogfood truck;"Kiss a Pig" about a man who has a pet pig, and loves him so much, he takes it to movies and baseball games;"Sant Claus Is Watching You" has great lines like "You can run, you can hide, but you're never alone, he's even got a wire tap on your phone!";"Vacation Bible School" where a bunch of bad Bible school kids spike a young preacher's lemonade. The preacher ends up doing celebrity impersonations;"Hugo The Human Cannonball" which is too funny to explain; "Hey Hey Ve're Da Monkees"--"Die people say ve monkee around, but ve're to busy singunt to put anybody down--hey, let go of my weinerschitzel" (apologies to Wolfgang);and the mock sad "Happy Hour is The Saddest Time of the Day."

--Mbo

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Big Mick
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 09:53 AM

There is a song that most of us sing, to the point of distraction. That is Bricklayers Song, or Paddy's Sick Note. Now, I have sung that song hundreds of times and have heard it sung, thousands more. But when Pat Broaders (Dublin man, plays the Uillean pipes, performs with Broaders and Moore, currently living and working out of Chicago) does his sad sack version of this song, I laugh until tears come out of my eyes. He owns the damn thing.

Mick

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Peter T.
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 11:05 AM

Joe Hall's great Canadian classic Vampire Beavers is in a class by itself (especially when it breaks into The Maple Leaf Forever parody). Two of the funniest songs of all time are by Spike Jones. His version of "Laura" has ruined that ruinable song for many, many people. Even funnier is the Dog Love Song.
Paul Anka's song, "She's Having My Baby" is the funniest song I know, but for all the right reasons.
yours, Peter T.

Subject: Lyr Add: MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE FAMILY
From: Mudjack
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 12:34 PM

My seasonal favorite funny...
Mudjack

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE FAMILY
Robert Earl Keen Jr.

Ma got drunk and Pa got drunk
At our Christmas party
We were drinkin' champagne punch and homemade eggnog
Little sister brought her new boy friend
He was a Mexican
We didn't know what to think of him
'Til he sang Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad

Brother Ken brought his kids with him
The three from his first wife Lynn
And the two identical twins
From his second wife Mary Nell
Of course he brought his new wife Kaye
Who talks all about AA
Chain smokin' while the stereo plays
Noel, Noel, The first Noel

Chorus

Carve the turkey turn the ball game on
Mix margaritas when the eggnogs gone
Send somebody to the Quicki mart store
We need some ice and extension cord
A can of bean dip and some Diet Rite
A box of tampons and some Marlboro Lights
Hallelujah everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the family…. Feliz Navidad

Fran and Rita drove from Harlington
I can't remember how I'm kin to them
But when they plugged their motor home in
They blew out Christmas lights
Cousin David knew just what went wrong
So we al waited on our front lawn
He threw the breaker and the lights came on
And we sang Silent Night, Oh Silent Night, Oh Silent Night

Chorus twice

---

Added to the Digital Tradition Oct 01

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Margo
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 01:12 PM

MARK GRAHAM out of Seattle has some funny tunes, like his song about Oedipus Rex: Oedipus Rex, Oedipus Rex. Another song about violence and sex! He murdered his pa and married his ma, they don't even do that in Arkansas! He also has a bluegrass version of Moby Dick, if you can imageine that.

One that made me laugh recently is Jonathan Lay's song about the New Carissa, a cargo ship that was grounded in Coos Bay Oregon. You can listen here. It's full of the double entendre famous in sea shanteys..... Margo

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: MMario
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 01:24 PM

Elmer Fudd singing "Feelings"

Subject: Lyr Add: SHE'S LEAVING ME (Lyle Lovett)
From: emily rain
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 03:07 PM

Mudjack, Robert Earl Keen Jr. is the best! And right up there with him is his old friend Lyle Lovett:

***********

Well, thank you my friend
I sincerely appreciate the words you say
About how she'll cry
And how she'll grieve and miss me when she's gone away
Well, say them again
I need to hear the words once more, I can't believe
How she'll miss me when she's gone
And how she'll want to come back home
And never leave

'Cause she's leaving me
Because she really wants to
And she'll be happy when she's gone
She'll be happy, she'll be so very happy
She'll dance and sing or even learn to fly
And spend her time with anyone but me

**********

Done with full-out country twang and Emmylou Harris singing poignant backup... and this on his Joshua Judges Ruth album, which is filled with "omygodjuliadumpedmewhatdoido" songs like "she's already made up her mind" and "all my love is gone". : ) I love a man who knows when he's being an idiot.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Willie-O
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 03:48 PM

Mark Graham also wrote "I Can See Your Aura (And Its Ugly)", which only an idiot would try to write a parody of...so I did: I CAN SEE YOUR CLEARCUTS - and posted it in another generally less humorous thread a couple of days ago.

Good humour is almost always politically incorrect without going overboard. My top novelty song these days is Three-legged Man" by Shel Silverstein (recorded by Steve Goodman on "Amazing Hair"). Steve Goodman put a really funny song on every album, I think--remember "Turnpike Tom" and "Death of a Salesman"?

Bill

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Willie-O
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 03:57 PM

whoops--I'm the idiot that would write such a parody, in the native rights song thread of a couple of days ago.

Bill

oh, I didn't read emily's quip about men who know they are idiots until I got to hear...I love a woman who doesn't know when I'm being an idiot! (Duh.)

Bill C

Subject: Lyr Add: WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY THE GUITAR?
From: Frank Hamilton
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 04:18 PM

Now this one would be funny if it weren't so painfully true.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY THE GUITAR?
(TUNE: SWINGING ON A STAR
LYRICS: PAT DONAHUE (A great fantastic guitarist who knows whereof he speaks)

CHORUS:

Would you like to play the guitar?
Carry money home in a jar
From a coffeehouse or a bar
Or would you rather get a job?

A job is the thing that makes you get out of bed
And work every day until you're dead.
Your back is achin' and your brain in numb
And you just can't wait until the weekend comes
But if you don't want to starve or big or rob
You're gonna have to get a job

Or would you like to play the guitar
Drive for miles and miles in your car
And pretend that you're a big star
Or would you rather book the gig?

An agent's the guy who takes his twenty- percent
What he says ain't always what he meant.
He'll clean you out in ways you never thought
Because he's good at business and he knows you're not.
And then he'll sue if you ever make it big
"Cause he's the guy who booked the gig.

Or would you like to play the guitar
For a living--har-dee-har-har.
I'll admit it's kind of bizarre
Or would you rather be the wife?

The wife is the one who has to rescue our butts
She's either a saint or else she's nuts.
She gets impatient and she gets annoyed
"Cause she's the one who must remain employed
And, by the way, if you want to wreck your life
Become a guitar player's wife.

'Cause all the monkeys ain't in the zoo.
They can be trained to play guitar too.
Some do a whole lot better than you
But even if you don't go far
You could be worse off than you are
At least you're playing your guitar.

HTML line breaks added --JoeClone, 30-Nov-01.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: jeffp
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 04:26 PM

Frank, it's great!!!! I tease my wife all the time about the fact that she knowingly married a musician. Especially when she calls me a fool for taking on her and her three kids. I figure we're both crazy enough to deserve each other.

One of my favorites is Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw, by Jimmy Buffett. It's so much fun to play for people who've never heard it before and watch their reactions.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Emmie
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 04:31 PM

That 60's classic "someone left my cake out in the rain" Can't remember who sung it now. A lot Of Richard Thompsons make me laugh. They are so bitter some of them. I love "put it there pal"

Emmie

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Blackcat2
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 04:50 PM

Anything by Tom Lehrer.

Especially "Mexico" - the bit in the middle about the guy running over the dog - something to the effect that "it was done with such style and grace that the witnesses awarded him both ears and the tail."

Eric Bogle's "He's Nobody's Moggie Now" is perfect too - I sing it, but the way they do it in Barbershop style is priceless.

Then there's Monty Python - "Every Sperm is Sacred" "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" and of course the Lumberjack Song (Which I remember teaching to a guide when I was riding horseback in Iceland in 1988 - He hadden't heard about Monty Python, and the song came up when talking to other Americans and we had a devil of a time putting it into context for the gentleman. We also taught him the "Won't You Be My Neighbor" song from Mr. Rogers Neighborhood too. - Try explaining THAT to someone sometime - ya see he's an effeminate man who invites little children into his home and changes clothes in front of them!)

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: emily rain
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 05:55 PM

"i cheered at the banderilleros [sp?] display
as he stuck the bull in his own clever way
for i hadn't had so much fun since the day
my brother's dog rover --- got run over!

[spoken:]
rover was killed by a pontiac
and it was done with such grace and artistry
that the witnesses awarded the driver
both ears and the tail...
but i digress...

the moment had come, i swallowed my gum
we knew there'd be blood on the sand pretty soon
the crowd held its breath, hoping that death
would brrrrrighten an otherwise dull afternoon"

etc. *grin*

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Little dorritt
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 06:06 PM

I have always found Tom Lehrer hilarious but my favourite song is Les Barker doing either the 'Shipping Forecast' or 'Irrational newtscene' Truly the work of a warped genius.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: InOBU
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 06:28 PM

God save the Queen? - sorry GeorgeH and Co. couldnt help myself, I agree about Tom Leher, and of course Shuster and Swann, showing my age, and the Crew of the SS Shieldhall, Id love it if someone could post the words, the SS SHieldhall, not God Save the Queen!
Larry

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Darren
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 06:41 PM

Ill vote for Greg Brown "Everybody's Waiting"

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: marcelloblues
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 07:37 PM

Lot of Zappa's, but particularly (even if it's spoken as a little sketch) German Lunch, appearing on You can't do that on stage anymore (nr.4 ? Anyway it should be the red one). Lonesome Cowboy Burt, He's so gay, Cheepnis... Cheers

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 07:44 PM

I'm inclined to agree with Kendall and think that the funny ones tend to have a limited shelf life. Of the songs that I sing, I have found that both the sick note and Dead Dog Scrupy still get a few laughs.

Jon

Subject: Lyr Add: I'VE BEEN ON THE ROAD (Bodie Wagner)
From: Mudjack
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 08:57 PM

Right on Emily Rain.....Lyle is on my listening list and I will look and listen further.
Here's another fav funny line song. I usually tag this song on to Friegt Train.
Mudjack

I'VE BEEN ON THE ROAD
Bodie Wagner

I wake up every morning and step right out of bed
I've been on the road so long, nothing in my pockets
An aching in my head ,frieght train won't you please take me home
chorus

Well I've been on the road boys , Ive been on the road
I've been on the road so long , I've been on the road boys
I've been on the road . Frieght train won't you please take me home

So I walk on down the side walk and pick myself a tune
I've been on that road so long
Standing on the highway 'neath the california moon
frieght train won't you pleases take me home ?

Chorus

So tell me if I'm stoned boys tell me if I'm drunk
I've been on the road so long
Walking like a chicken and smelling like a skunk
frieght train won't you please take me home ?
Chorus

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Metchosin
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 09:10 PM

Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly Fond of Each Other by Ned Sublet comes to mind. Lyrics along the line of "What did you think all that leather and those high heels were for?"

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Joan
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 10:23 PM

Here's one that had me laughing 'til I cried when I first heard someone sing it years ago. No clue what the title is. It's about cats and has the line, "He's not worth the fur he's printed on" and something about barfing in a corner?

Can anybody at least know the title? j

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Frankie
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 10:44 PM

That's a good one Frank. Thanks for posting the lyrics.

Some funny songs that don't have a limited shelf life for me: Richland Woman Blues by John Hurt (especially the Live at Newport version),Bonnie Lass of Angelsey (sp?) by Martin Carthy, Whiskey 'fore Breakfast (sung), The Fuerher's Face by Spike Jones, Dialin' for Dollars by Martin Mull, Blue Toyota by Lyle Lovett (and a bunch of others by him, Keeping Up With the Joneses by the Austin Lounge Lizards, etc.

Frankie

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Barry Finn
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 11:18 PM

"Rubber Ducky" by Janice Cole. This women told me that's what she was gonna sing at one of the many late night singing sessions at this past Getaway. After hearing her incredible renditions of some Scottish stuff the night before I was sure she was having a good laugh at my expense, no way. I went limp & weak from laughter nearly had an asthma attack while trying to recover. Barry

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Jeri
Date: 10 Dec 99 - 11:28 PM

He did, too. Barry was horizontal on the bench, gasping. It was almost funnier watching Barry than listening to Janice sing the song.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: AnTirKitten
Date: 11 Dec 99 - 04:23 AM

My all time fave funny song is either "The Lusty Young Maids of AnTir" (SCA traditional *s*) or "William Shakespeare's In My Cat" by the Canadian band the Arrogant Worms.

Cat

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: emily rain
Date: 11 Dec 99 - 05:00 AM

metchosin,

i would dearly love to see the complete lyrics to that one!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Benjamin
Date: 11 Dec 99 - 05:51 AM

The funniest song I've ever heard would have to be Randy Stonehill's "Great Big Stupid World." I don't know how well Randy would go over with the crowd here, but that song is funny!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Micca
Date: 11 Dec 99 - 06:52 AM

I think Sid Kipper's "Norfolk and good" would have to be in with a shout. It looks innocent enough written down but when sung you can tell how far the understanding has got by the changing expressions in the audience.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: kendall
Date: 11 Dec 99 - 01:44 PM

Speaking of Mr. Rogers.. one of my young daughters once said "No wonder he cant get a neighbor..he has worn the same sweater fo 20 years."

I once sang a Dave Goulder song called Field of the Willows at Indian Neck, and a guy was literally on the floor. I thought he was having a fit, but, he said afterwards, that was the funniest song he had ever heard.Did you happen to see that Joan?

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Margo
Date: 12 Dec 99 - 10:02 AM

Tom Lehrer has to be at the top of the list. He's so good with lyrics. Last night someone did his holiday song complete with snathes using famous Christmas carol melodies. I wonder if you can get his stuff on CD nowadays? Anyone know?

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Joan
Date: 12 Dec 99 - 07:09 PM

Kendall...I remember the incident, but can't recall the song. Why not post a couple of verses?

Nobody seems to have heard of the song about the cat I mentioned a bunch of posts back...I think it might be called, "Throw the Cat Away." Just over-the=top silly.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: kendall
Date: 12 Dec 99 - 09:32 PM

I remember you telling me about that cat song some years back.

The song in question was Field of the willows by Dave Goulder. I'll post a couple of verses:

I met an old man looking awfully queer,
He sat under a tree with a bottle of beer
But when I got there he'd been dead for a year
In the field of the willows so gay.

To leave him unburied I thought was a sin
But, I was too lazy a grave to begin
So, I put on me boots and I trampled him in
In the field of the willows so gay.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Cap't Bob
Date: 12 Dec 99 - 11:33 PM

The TOMATO VENDETTA is one of my favorites.

Cap't Bob

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Metchosin
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 02:10 PM

emily rain, It was certainly not the kind of song you would sing at a country and western bar without the proverbial wire cage and an armed escort home. Unfortunately I can't remember the lyrics just my reaction to it.

I heard it only once on the CBC a few years ago and tried to track down the singer "Ned Sublet" when I finally got on the net recently. I couldn't find any info except a listing of one CD at CD Now or some such site.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Doctor John
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 02:30 PM

Try the CD "Deep Lancashire" (Topic) Lots of hilarious stuff, the best being "Rawtenstall Annual Fair" by Lee Nicholson and "Our Sarah's Getten' A Chap" by The Oldham Tinkers. Much else. All worth a listen! Dr John

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: IceWolf
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 02:53 PM

Tom Lehrer's stuff is available on CD from Amazon (sometimes) and Tower Records. He's got a songbook too, that has the lyrics and some notes.
Funniest song I've ever heard:
"Heart of the Apple Lisa" by Jordin Kare - a history of the Macintosh computer set to the tune of "Heart of the Appaloosa" by Fred Small.

--IceWolf

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Metchosin
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 03:03 PM

Emily...found Ned Sublette on the web and there is a lot of info, I have been spelling the name wrong, I will see what I can dig up.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Magpie
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 03:04 PM

Maybe not the funniest song, but certainly one of the best laughs I ever had was hearing our Brendy sing Don't ask me to sing any Dylan (or somwhere along those lines). It was at one of our sessions, we'd all had about a skinful, and he put absolutely everything he had into it. It cracked me up!

Thanks Brendy!

Magpie

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: emily rain
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 03:13 PM

thanks, metchosin. i am filled with gleeful anticipation. : )

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: MTed
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 05:23 PM

As a one time performer and songwriter, I would have to say that my parody of "Shel Silverstein's "A Boy Named Sue" which was "A Boy Named Christ" had the most remarkable effect on audiences that I had ever seen--

Most everyone loved it, but thought that it would offend everyone else profoundly--but even born again Christians were delighted with its droll but inspirational message-- which is to say, when I explained it all, they would always change their minds about killing me--

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Tiger
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 05:36 PM

No one has mentioned that most prolific contemporary, "Weird Al" Yankovic.

I'll vote for "One More Minute"

I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue,
Than spend one more minute with you,

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Susanne (skw)
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 05:48 PM

'Sister Josephine' (by Jake Thackeray again, I think) has me doubled up every time I hear it. - Susanne

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: kevin
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 06:09 PM

Magpie...if you're referring to a song with a chorus that goes something like "No, No, a thousand times no ... I'll sing anything, even God save the Queen, buy I won't sing you any Bob Dylan", it's by Eric Bogel, and it's a riot.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Sionnach
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 06:33 PM

No one's mentioned Camille West. I just heard "The Nervous Wreck of Edna Fitzgerald" a week ago, and can't get it out of my head. The second verse sums it up:

Our tranquility about three miles to sea Suddenly came to an end-o When the kid started saying, No way am I staying I'd rather be playing Nintendo The captain said, ho there, you little snot I paid fifty grand for this family yacht You're going to enjoy yourself, like it or not So you'd better learn how to pretend-o (We all caught the man's innuendo)

...and it's followed up by a rollicking sea-shanty type chorus. This is the lady that also wrote "Toe to Toe with the HMO," certainly a song for our times.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Bugsy
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 08:15 PM

I think Eric Bogle's "Silly Slang Song" also deserves a mention.

Cheers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: MaryLee
Date: 15 Dec 99 - 10:53 PM

This past July, at Esther Creek's Heartland Dulcimer Camp, Susan Trump sang "The Pack Rat Blues". I nearly died laughing. Not only is it hysterical, it hits home. HARD!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Clifton53
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 02:11 PM

"Old MacDonald Had A Deformed Farm" by Seamus Kennendy,performed live on his CD "Let The Music Take You Home". Hilarious, with the lisping snake, a narcoleptic pig, a perverted frog and a Tourette Syndrom chicken, as well as a dyslexic sheep.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Barbara
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 02:32 PM

It helps to be familiar with Eric Bogle's works to appreciate this broadside parody of two of his tunes: Nobody's Moggy(land) by Bob Kanefsky.
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Bert
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 03:20 PM

I don't think that any list of funny songs is complete without Cheryl Wheeler's Potato Song.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: gunner
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 03:35 PM

gawd! there are so many that have caught me by the funny bone over the years, clam chowder's version of "five nights drunk" comes to mind as does "please mr. custer" t.g. sheppard's "go ahead, make my day" with the help from mr. eastwood. brian bowers "the scotsman", "donal, where's yer trewsers", several by ray stevens, "the streak", the "shriner's convention" et. al. so many i cannot pin it down to any one and say "this one is the funniest". and then there's "my boomerang won't come back" and "tie me kangaroo down, sport". see what i mean. but don't let that stop you trying to find "the funniest", you'll have a lot of fun along the way even if you never arrive. "gunner"

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Caitrin
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 06:14 PM

The Austin Lounge Lizards have always been one of my favorite funny bands. I love "Hey Little Minivan" and "Another Stupid Song About Texas" (being originally from Texas).
Weird Al is always hilarious. Well, not always. But most of the time. I've always liked "You Don't Love me Anymore": Why did you disconnect the brakes on my car?/ That kind of thing is hard to ignore/ Got a funny feeling/you don't love me anymore.
My all time favorite funny folk song, though, is Andy Breckman's "Railroad Bill." My brother plays and sings it and I die laughing.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Alan Francis
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 06:58 PM

How about Tom Paxton's "Not Tonight Marie!", or "Saturday Night". Phil Ochs' "The Party" or "Outside of a Small Circle of Friends", Thackray's "Bantam Cock" or "Brother Gorilla", the quasi-traditional "Wayward Boy" or, for a real collector's item, Michael and Claire Moore's "Vampire Rag" - or, as evidenced above, virtually anything by Tom Lehrer.

Subject: Lyr Add: TERRANOVA HIGH SCHOOL (Bob Bossin)
From: Marymac90
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 07:16 PM

I could think of quite a few, but I stumbled across the lyrics of a great one today, while looking for something else. I don't know if I have the patience to type the whole song here, but I could fax it to somebody who types faster than me.

TERRANOVA HIGH SCHOOL or (Show us the length)
Written by Bob Bossin of The Stringband
Recorded and performed (not just sung, but ACTED OUT, hilariously) by Bright Morning Star

"Girls," said the principal of Terranova High School,
"Once each year it's a pleasure for me
To introduce you to the Mayor of the city of Pacifica
To say a few words about our annual Queen."

"Who'll be," said the Mayor, "a very lucky maid
To represent Pacifica to all of the State,
And who could go on to be Miss California
Or even Miss America herself.

I expect to see some volunteers."
When one girl rose and without any fears
She said "Mr. Mayor...

Chorus:
Show us the length of your cock.
Are you hung like a beaver, or hung like a bear?
Let me check the weight of your rocks,
So we can have a standard by which to compare

You men. Don't worry if it's very, very slender, (This line changes for each chorus.)
The personality is as important as the member.
Drop your trousers and make the news,
And don't judge lest we judge you.

Email me at [e-mail] if you'd like me to fax it to you. Enjoy.

Mary

HTML line breaks added --JoeClone, 30-Nov-01.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Midchuck
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 07:25 PM

I go along with the Austin Lounge Lizards myself. I'm particularly fond of Old Blevins and The Other Shore. I also think Nancy White is too funny to be wasted on Canadians (ducking for cover). That is, when she's not singing about Canadian politics, and I can understand her songs. Of course, I grew up on Tom Lehrer (I bet I'm the only one here who can sing the bridge to When You Are Old and Gray and get all the words right), so he will always be the standard everyone gets compared to.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Tiger
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 09:57 PM

Midchuck....

I'll see your bridge - and raise you a shoe full of champagne!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Midchuck
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 10:13 PM

An awful debility
A lessened utility
A loss of mobility
Is a strong possibility.
In all probability,
I'll lose my virility,
And you your fertility
and desirability.
And this liability
of total sterility
Will lead to hostility
and a sense of futility.
So let's act with agility
While we still have facility
For we'll soon reach senility
And lose the ability...

There. Of course, I can't prove I did it from memory...but I did!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Willie-O
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 10:29 PM

No Midchuck you've got it wrong. Nancy White is too funny to be wasted on Americans! Cause you don't get half of the jokes. That's why she has no plans to move south to the Eleventh Province.

Bill C

who spends altogether too much time trying to provide my lovely American friends with some kind of context to the Canadian political landscape.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: bunkerhill
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 10:37 PM

Darrren: Thought I had heard everything by greg, but you stumped me. Is there a Little Jimmy Dickens thread, perchace? Loved "never see maggie alone" and "take an old cold 'tater and wait."

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Caitrin
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 10:39 PM

Tom Lehrer's a good one,too..."National Brotherhood Week" and "Vatican Rag" are my favorites of his. Bow your head with great respect and, genuflect, genuflect, genuflect now!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Melbert
Date: 17 Dec 99 - 05:12 PM

Victoria Wood's "Alternative Tango" is an absolute hoot. It's theme is political correctness, and you wouldn't think there were so many ways to describe the gentle (or frantic?) art of masturbation withou using the word "wanker". Particularly funny because you wouldn't normally expect to hear a woman sing such lyrics especially on BBC.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Mbo
Date: 17 Dec 99 - 07:22 PM

I think The Bricklayer's Song is really funny (I only heard it a few months ago, so it's new to me.) I also think "The Spree" is funny, as well as Joe Dolan's "Trip to Jerusalem": "Met some Paddys and we had a fleidh, marched through the streets of Elat town, sang 'Sean South of Garryowen'..." If anyone has ever heard "Song of the King" from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat by Andrew Lloyd Webber & Time Rice, it's really a riot!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Hagbardr
Date: 17 Dec 99 - 11:01 PM

Mojo Nixon's "Take me to your Leader" and "She's All Liquored Up" are some of my favorites.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Jeri
Date: 17 Dec 99 - 11:50 PM

Someone asked for the lyrics to "Bug Squishing Party" in a thread a while ago, and I thought it sounded like it must be a cute song. I've had the opportunity of hearing it sung twice recently, and it's my current "funniest."

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Slider
Date: 18 Dec 99 - 12:15 AM

Two that come to mind are a live recording of "Bullfrog Blues" by David Bromberg and "Liberal Blues" by darned if I know on a National Lampoon album. Another song that made my wife and I roll with laughter was a recording by Frankie Lane called the "Wild Goose". Of course, it was unintentionally funny. If you've never heard it, you just won't know. So much musical intensity wasted on such a piece of B.S.....

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: dw
Date: 18 Dec 99 - 12:49 AM

just heard it yesterday. ray stevens' version of "i'm gettin' nothin' for christmas (cause i ain't been nothin' but bad)"

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: zander (inactive)
Date: 18 Dec 99 - 06:59 AM

try The Devil and the Feathery Wife

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Captain Swing
Date: 18 Dec 99 - 10:49 AM

'The bionic fisherman' by John Conolly

Subject: Lyr Add: MY HUSBAND
From: AnTirKitten
Date: 18 Dec 99 - 07:42 PM

*lol* We Canadians are funny people. It just happens. I personally think it's cause we are soooo much in the shadow of the states, though..and humour is our only way of staying sane thru that fate...

Not a slag on Americans, btw, just AMERICA. I like the people, not the country.

But anyways, staying OT here, just learned a great new song, called my husband. I'll post the first and last verses.

My Husband

My husband's a bricklayer, a bricklayer, a bricklayer
And such a fine bricklayer is he
All day he lays bricks, he lays bricks, he lays bricks
And at night he comes home and drinks tea

Chorus: Oh me oh my how happy am I
Oh how I love my husband dear

My husband's an herbalist, an herbalist, an herbalist
And such a fine herbalist is he
All day he drinks tea, he drinks tea, he drinks tea
And at night he comes home and just pees

Cat

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Smith
Date: 18 Dec 99 - 11:38 PM

Well, there's a bloke here in Nuke Arsle in Oz called - er...I'd best not tell - who's written a crock of songs, including a couple that he's had to go and threaten people in the middle of the night to get some of the money they made after they got famous using his songs but claiming they wrote them. Anyhow, the one that always tickles my fancy is a thing that is, funnily enough, always heavily requested by the off-duty nurses in which ever joint he's playing in at the time. The song's called, "Give Me The Dead Rat Of Happiness". I think you get the drift. Other than that, the world's oldest professional surfer - a bloke called Jerry Prietto who hails from somewhere USA-ish, but now lives in the Stockton Republic on the Hunter River here, sings a tune called "The Winner" about a young bloke trying to pick a fight with a broken-down old biker in a bar. It's a hoot. Reminds me of me. Both characters. I was one, and I'm getting to be the other. Coo-ee... Psmith

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Micca
Date: 19 Dec 99 - 06:23 AM

AnTirKitten, That is the bowdlerised version of an obscene song called "Fall in and follow the band" the " and drinks tea" line when included often has an implied question mark after it.one of the "cleaner" verses
My husbands a Miner, a miner, a miner,
a very fine miner is he
all day he goes down, he goes down, he goes down,
and at night he comes up and goes down
If you need more/ want to shock the socks off someone drop me a line and I'll send what I have. Micca

Subject: Lyr Add: MY HUSBAND'S A MASON
From: Abby Sale
Date: 20 Dec 99 - 12:44 AM

Cray's _The Erotic Muse_ (required reading for this sort of thing) offers several versions and enough verses of "My Husband's a Mason." More are easy to invent.

I sent this up to DT in 1994 but it doesn't seem to have arrived yet. :-)

It's in Qbasic format & can also be beeped by any other PC version if line numbers are added..basica, GWBasic, etc.

' Use basic to run everything from here to the bottom ************
  ' Or don't.
  '
  ON KEY(7) GOSUB 3000: KEY(7) ON
  f$ = CHR$(34)
  CLS
  PRINT "Type  to abort"
  PRINT : PRINT "My Husband's a Mason"    

PLAY "O2 L4 MF T200 mn"
  PLAY "p16p2p2"
  time = 3/4
  PRINT
  '         /-downbeat   /         /         /
  PRINT "My hus-band's a ma-son, a ma-son, a ma-son,"
  PLAY " g  >c  c      c e  c    c d  d    d e  c   "
  '        /          /         /
  PRINT "A ve-ry fine ma-son is he."
  PLAY " e g  e  g    a  f   a  mlg2.msg2 mn"
  '          /           /            /            /
  PRINT "All day he lays bricks, lays bricks, lays bricks."
  PLAY " g   g   e  e    mle mnc e    mle mnc c    mlc mn  '         /              /             /     /
  PRINT "At night he comes home and lays me."
  PLAY " >g g     a  g     f    e   d    mlc2. mnc2"
  '                 /     /
  PRINT "    Tra la la,"
  PLAY "     g8  a8 mlg2. msg2 mn"
  '             /              /             /
  PRINT "    At night he comes home and lays me."
  PLAY "     g  g     a  g     f    e   d    mlc2. mnc2 p4"
  PRINT
  PRINT "My Husband's a butcher, a butcher, a butcher,"
  PRINT "A very fine butcher is he."
  PRINT "All day he stuffs sausage, stuffs sausage, stuffs sausage."
  PRINT "At night he comes home and stuffs me."
  PRINT "    Tra la la;   "
  PRINT "    At night he comes home and stuffs me."
  PRINT
  PRINT
  PRINT "a miner"
  PRINT "he bores holes"
  PRINT
  PRINT "a pilot"
  PRINT "he flies planes"
  PRINT
  PRINT "a jockey"
  PRINT "he rides horses"
  PRINT
  PRINT "a carpenter, carpenter, carpenter"
  PRINT "he pounds nails"
  PRINT
  PRINT
  PRINT "When sufficiently bored, type any character except "; f$; "í"; f$
  screwdriver$ = INPUT$(1)    

CLS
  PRINT
  PRINT "a glazier"
  PRINT "he blows glass"
  PRINT
  PRINT "a farmer"
  PRINT "he forks hay"
  PRINT
  PRINT "             -------------------------------------"
  PRINT    

PRINT "As printed in _The Erotic Muse._  Cray writes that it can be traced"
  PRINT "to the early 18th century - and the puns were probably old then. He"
  PRINT "gives several versions using `my father's a ...' which adds a nice"
  PRINT "incest aspect and quotes MacColl & Seeger: `the English and Scots"
  PRINT "traditional repertoires are rich in euphemistic songs and scores of"
  PRINT "trades and occupations have contributed their terminologies and"
  PRINT "their tools to the vocabularies of sexual symbolism."
  PRINT
  PRINT "Cray mentions `A German Clockmaker' as an example but says few songs"
  PRINT "of the type have much currency today."
  PRINT
  PRINT "I can think off hand of `The German Musicianer,' `The Molecatcher,'"
  PRINT "(a bit) `Bonnie Black Hare,' `The Cooper o' Cuddy."    

3000 '
  ' SYSTEM
  ' ***********************************************

HTML line breaks and preformat commands added (not that it helps a whole lot). --JoeClone, 30-Nov-01.

Subject: ADD: Wonderful World of Sex (Michael Smith)
From: Owlkat
Date: 20 Dec 99 - 03:58 AM

Hi hi, Here's my offering, care of a Steve Goodman concert that he played at the Karma Coffee House in (I think) '70 or '72. It's written by Mark Smith, the author of "The Dutchman". Oh oh! Changed my mind. Here's TWO Mark Smith songs. I had a chance to ask him about more words for the second one some years back, and he said that he didn't remember it at all. Yeah. Sure.

I could learn to read Vietnamese by myself
And I could even teach it to my good dog Ralph
And I could learn to read you every book on the shelf
And I could read your future like the oracle of Delphi
I could identify any flower by it's colour
And I could swim as fast as Johnny Wiesmuller
But I never could learn to get along without you baby
Don't you run away from me cause I sure dig sex
You can get love from your momma and your poppa
You can get hot from tortillas and lasagna
You can get steam from a turkish or a sauna
But you get all three when you make it from me, baby
I must admit it gets me in the plexus
When I hear about the differences in the sexes
Pizza and beer are neat
But when you get right down to it, it just can't compete
With good old S double E double X
Is camper than Batman and bigger than Texas
You're concave and I'm convexes
Welcome to the world of SEX
Do I love you Is the Pope catholic
Do I need you Is a rubber band elastic
Do I want you Is the atom bomb drastic
Let's be heterosexually
Entwined we fit like a Hong Kong suit dear
I dig you more than I dig root beer
Big green peas need a big green pod
And I'm just a sittin' here needin' your bod
So why don't we go walkin' through fields of clover
Then lie down and kinda talk things over
You never know what's happenin' next
In the wonderful world of SEX

---

Hokay. That's one. I use it for my vocal warmup every night when I do my summer vaudeville show. I love how people react the first time they hear it. The second one is even better.

Everybody's high except for me.
I'd love to be in high society
Even nuns are flying on tv
Everybody's high except for me

My girlfriend Lucy says that I'm so square
And her scorn sometimes is just too much to bear
My best friend Melvin takes her everywhere
What a fascinating thing to delve in
Lucy in the sky with Melvin...

Oh yeah. And anything by Mark Graham of Seattle. There. I'm done. Can I have my jello now? Bye bye.
;-) Mart

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: WriteFLyer
Date: 20 Dec 99 - 04:19 AM

More lyrics to "My Husband & Diff chorus: My husband's a glazier, a glazier, my husband's a glazier is he. All day he blow glass, he blows glass --at night he comes home and- - - - drinks tea. Hi jig a jig, kiss a little pig; follow the band, follow the band, follow the band; (repeat)last line is "follow and follow the band."

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: lajka
Date: 20 Dec 99 - 01:51 PM

Hello! The funniest song i have heard is "Home boys Home" BUT there is a song ,well not realy in this cata.it´s done by Zappa.Frank Zappa. Ofcourse I´m talking about:Bobby Brown. It´s great.

Whit love from Sweden

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Wesley S
Date: 20 Dec 99 - 11:40 PM

Two songs that would get my vote are by Chuck Pyle : "The Remember Song" and "Keep It Simple". Both crack me up.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 21 Dec 99 - 01:47 AM

Follow the Band is in the database. Seek, and ye shall....

Subject: Lyr Add: CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE, BY GOLLY (Lehrer)
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 21 Dec 99 - 03:21 AM

For Margo, here's Tom Lehrer's "Christmas Time Is Here, By Golly" the way it was printed in the first book of his songs. On a later album he had added a few more carols to the bridge.
.
.

Christmas time is here, by golly!
Disapproval would be folly,
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and don't say "When."

Kill the turkeys, ducks, and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens...
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again:

On Christmas Day you can't get sore,
Your fellow man you must adore.
There's time to cheat [hate] him all the more,
The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations sparing no expense'll
Send some useless old utensil,
Or a matching pen and pencil:
"Just the thing I need. How nice."

It doesn't matter how sincere it
Is nor how heart-felt the spirit;
Sentiment will not endear it,
What's important is the price.

Hark! The Herald-Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God bless you, merry merchants, may
You make the yuletide pay.
Let jingle bells celebrate
From San Francisco's Golden Gate
To the little town of Bethlehem, Pee-Ay.

So let those raucous sleigh-bells jingle,
Hail our dear old friend, Kris Kringle,
Driving his reindeer across the sky...
Don't stand underneath as they fly by.



His "In My Home Town" is a blast, with verses like
Nobody could ignore the little girl next door,
She sure looked sweet in her first evening gown.
Now there's a charge for what she used to give for free,
In my home town.


Other Tom Lehrer songs include "National Brotherhood Week," "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park," "Be Prepared (The Boy Scouts' Marching Song)" [If you're looking for excitement of a new and different kind/ And you come across a girl scout who is similarly inclined/Don't be nervous, don't be flustered, don't be scared/Be prepared."]


I love a bunch of the Austin Lounge Lizards stuff, too, like "Half a Man" and "Irving" and, of course, "Old Blevins."

But my newly revived all-time favorite funny song is Flanders and Swan's "Have Some Madeira, M'dear."

--seed

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: JenEllen
Date: 21 Dec 99 - 06:59 PM

Love the Bricklayer, and Devil and the Widow, as well as anything by Les Barker....but the funniest ever heard was a pub rendition of Amazing Grace sung to the tune of Gilligan's Island...(just try it) Midchuck: Dog of Time..from where? got lyrics?

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: JenEllen
Date: 21 Dec 99 - 07:09 PM

Also go into convulsions hearing "Chipmunk with a Deathwish" I'm a rodent by the side Contimplating my last ride Chipmunk with a death wish Your car won't show a dent No indication that I went If you want a souvenir Better hit a deer *big grin*

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Micca
Date: 21 Dec 99 - 07:51 PM

Thanks Dick Greenhaus that is essentially the version I know we have one or two additional verses such as the word in the chorus tho'is not kiss but that little Anglo Saxon f word, it scans better too. I am currently listening to a lot of Flanders and Swan ( found a boxed set of 3 CDs last year) and have quiet hysterics at their song writing skill.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Callie
Date: 21 Dec 99 - 08:02 PM

Manura Manyar by trad - it's a song about shit!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: ddw
Date: 22 Dec 99 - 12:12 AM

Not sure it's the funniest — there are so many good ones by Ray Stevens, Shel Silverstein and a lot of other writers — by one of my current favorites is Joel Mabus's The Preacher And The Flood.

david

Subject: Lyr Add: WALTZING WITH BEARS
From: JamesJimFolk
Date: 23 Dec 99 - 12:38 AM

"WALTZING WITH BEARS" comes to mind (a Doctor Seuss song)

First verse:
"I went to his room in the middle of the night,
Crept to his bed and I turned on the light,
And to my surprise, he was no where in sight,
My Uncle Walter goes waltzing at night.

Chorus:
He goes wa-wa-wa-waltzing, waltzing with bears
Raggy bears, baggy bears, shaggy bears too
There's nothing on earth Uncle Walter won't do
So he can go waltzing, wa-wa-wa-waltzing
Wa-wa-wa-waltzing, go waltzing with bears

We bought Uncle Walter a new coat to wear,
But when he came home it was covered with hair.
And lately I've noticed several new tears;
I'm afraid Uncle Walter's been waltzing with bears.

We told Uncle Walter he should be good
And do all the things we said that he should.
But I know that he'd rather be out in the woods;
I'm afraid we will lose Uncle Walter for good.

We begged and we pleaded, Please won't you stay
And managed to keep him at home for a day.
But the bears all barged in and they took him away;
Now he's dancing with pandas
And he won't understand us
And the bears all demand at least one dance a day.

A verse a friend and myself added this verse and Chorus:

We told Uncle Walter it just wasn't right,
But he kept on insisting, "come with me tonight."
So we finally went with him and boy, what a ball;
We discovered old Walter's not crazy at all!

Revised Chorus:

Now we all go wa-wa-wa-waltzing, waltzing with bears
Raggy bears, baggy bears, shaggy bears too.
There's nothing on earth that we wouldn't do;
So we can go waltzing, wa-wa-wa-waltzing,
Wa-wa-wa-waltzing, go waltzing with bears.

Fun song to sing!

HTML line breaks added --JoeClone, 1-Dec-01.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From:
Date: 26 May 00 - 04:33 PM

In reply to Larry (10 Dec 99) the chorus of the song about the crew of the SS Shieldhall goes:

We're the crew of the SS Shieldhall Pull your chain and we'll answer the call Out terrible aroma Will put you in a coma We're the crew of the SS Shieldhall.

If anyone knows the verses,who wrote it (Eric Bogle?) please let me now. ( The song describes the disposal, at sea, of sludge left after aerobic and anearobic digestion of sewage from the City of Glasgow.It was taken out to sea in a vessel, I think, incidently with one of the largest triple expansion steam engines still afloat. The crew get closepegs for free because of the overpowering stench, and the Captain is slowly building an offshore island he can retire to.)

Sadly the practice was outlawed by the European Economic Commission a few years ago.Who knows, there might be another folk song in the pipe-line somewhere........ Stewart

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Kim C
Date: 26 May 00 - 05:44 PM

I love Merry Christmas from the Family; also John Prine's Dear Abby. There is a great old-time banjo player on the Grand Ole Opry named Mike Snider --- he is a young guy but he plays old stuff and is just about the only one doing any humor on the Opry anymore. He has a couple of songs that are a STITCH: If My Nose Ran Money, Honey, I'd Spend It All On You and She's Really Putting on the Dog When She Goes Out at Night.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Bradypus
Date: 26 May 00 - 06:53 PM

The Bricklayer's Song, definitely.

Almost anything by Flanders and Swann - The Gnu, Vive de Gaulle, Misalliance, Madeira M'Dear?

And the Bill Hill songs, as covered by The Corries - The Portree Kid, The Sunday Driver

Bradypus

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Peter K (Fionn)
Date: 26 May 00 - 08:19 PM

Just when I thought it might slip by overlooked, Alan Francis weighed in with Paxton's "Not tonight Marie" - and some other admirable nominations. BSeed has made a valiant effort at listing some of Lehrer's best, but it's dodgy ground - someone's bound to take issue. For my part, I think any list of his funniest must include Vatican Rag.

Now for the funniest that so far hasn't had a mention: Dory Previn's "Twenty-mile Zone".

Subject: Lyr Add: MOTHER-IN-LAW SONG
From: mactheturk
Date: 27 May 00 - 08:34 AM

Martin Mull is known as a comedian but he's also a good guitar player and a very funny singer-songwriter. Here's a sample of his "Mother-in-Law Song" from his album "Sex and Violins.”

I look at your mother and I can see in a minute that there's nothin' in it for me.
She's got an image that spits and you’re her spittin' image Cheri....

I think of your mother and I can't understand it,
It’s not how we planned it you see,
In a year you will turn into her, 'stead of "turn on" to me.

I had a father so wise he said, "open your eyes,
Son don't you court don't you wed."
He said "if you do in a week maybe two
You’ll be right back in court over who owns the bed,"

So back to your mother, and all the men that she used,
I'm so confused, what to do.
I can't seem to grasp how such a venomous asp
Had a sweet little viper like you.

You want to be like her I tell you, don't bother.
I'd much rather see you turn into your father.
One is enough, yeah the world don't need two.
Tell her "go screw herself and be you.

Try this one next mother's day!

Mac

HTML line breaks added --JoeClone, 1-Dec-01.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Mbo
Date: 27 May 00 - 08:59 AM

My and my sister were laughing till the tears ran when we first heard "Our Hamlet." Also "Contrapunctus Bestiale" by Renaissance composer Banchielli was so funny I could die! Image expecting to hear a nice Renaissance polyphonic motet for voices, only to discover that the music is the singers doing a fugue of animal noises! MEEEEEEEOW!!!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 May 00 - 02:05 PM

Sister Josephine and Dear Boss, in that order.

Subject: Lyr Add: LITTLE GREEN BUTTONS (Fred Koller)
From: dwditty
Date: 28 May 00 - 05:52 AM

One of my favorites

Little Green Buttons by Fred Koller - one of his songs with the recurring theme about various attepmts to save relationships:

Little Green Buttons

The honeymoon ended a decade ago
Now if he still loves her he don't say so
So she's takin' her blues to the house of tattoos
Gettin' little green buttons on her bithday suit

Chorus

She put little green buttons all in a row
From her face to the place they ain't ever gonna show
Might sound crazy, but it sure looks cute
She put little green buttons on her birthday suit

She had supper in the oven when he came home
Now he's snorin' on the sofa to the late, late, show
It was ten days later before he knew>br> About the little green buttons on her birthday suit

Chorus

But now she's livin' in a house of love
She's got his attention, he can't get enough
He spends every evening trying to undo
Those little green buttons on her bithday suit

Chorus

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 28 May 00 - 07:20 AM

Billy Connely's parody of "Two Little Boys" is pretty good, but I have to mention Peter Buckley Hill. He used to play at Cambridge Filk Festival, (and lots of other places I guess) His songs included "Sausages are Better Than Sex" "Torn Between Two Plovers" "Vlad The Impaler" and "Alphonso the Flying Haddock"

The condor flew over the mountains, And snarled at the birds below saying, "Just watch it OK, I'm a big bird of prey, And You lot had better start praying.

Then he stopped in mid swoop with surprise, As a flat-fish flew right past his eyes: He flies to the aid of all birds in distress, from his secret under-sea paddock. It isn't a bird, it isn't a plane, it's Alphonso the flying haddock.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: mick56
Date: 29 May 00 - 12:24 AM

my canary has circle`s under it`s eye`s. by ..... captin matchbox whoopee band.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 29 May 00 - 05:00 AM

Tom Lehrer's "The Vatican Rag." Seed's Christmas choice a close second.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: GUEST,LWatso
Date: 29 May 00 - 09:09 AM

I saw a reference earlier to the Arrogant Worms. I love all their tunes, but my special favourite is "Rippy, The Gator". Here's the chorus: Rippy the gator goes chomp, chomp, chomp Rippy the gator goes chomp, chomp, chomp Passing the time By ending childrens' lives Down at the bottom of the swamp, swamp, swamp.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Giac
Date: 29 May 00 - 11:15 AM

Any of the Gene Autry 78s that were sold from "under"
the counter at your local record store.

A "Pistol-Packin' Pappa," parody for instance.
Mr. Autry wore a white hat, but he wrote some
"risky" songs for his time. They'd hardly get a grin
now, but they were hilarious at the time. It's been
40+ years since I've heard them, so can't remember any more titles.

and

"Porky Pig Singing B-b-b-blue Christmas," locally done
and played on an area radio station every Christmas
and done by, I believe, Seymour Swine.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: GUEST,Jill
Date: 29 May 00 - 02:28 PM

Funniest song to me is "Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Doctor!" by Ted Snyder and Irving Berlin. What woman hasn't had a sexual fantasy about a handsome doctor? And in this song, the doctor is only too willing to fulfill the dream. I crack up every time I sing it. It's esp. funny considering the prim and proper Victorian-Edwardian era in which it was written. Definitely a song ahead of its time.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 30 May 00 - 01:27 AM

How could I forget - Dave Van Ronk was commisioned to write a song for New Jersey's bicentennial. He came out with one with the lyrics only being the names of NJ cities and towns. I mean, EVERY word in the song was a place name. Brilliant and hilarious!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From:
Date: 31 May 00 - 12:20 AM

WE need help finding the words to an old song that has the words "stop kickin my dog around, even if he is a hound, you gotta stop kickin my dog around. We would appricate all the help we can get....thanks,

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: MsMoon
Date: 31 May 00 - 10:35 PM

A friend of mine does a song called "The Alcohol of Fame" whenever a drunk gets too obnoxious. I don't know if it's in the db, but it's a great one.

2nds on Seamus Kennedy's "Old MacDonald's Deformed Farm." VERY un-pc, but brings tears of mirth to your eyes. I once played it for friends as we drove down I-95 and we actually had to pull over, lest we run off the road, we were laughing so hard.

I am never allowed to leave a campfire these days without playing Dan Bern's "Jerusalem". It doesn't SEEM funny, but there's a section that I can't get through without finally breaking down in laughter...

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Mbo
Date: 31 May 00 - 10:44 PM

Hey Timbrel, "Alcohol of Fame" is by The Wood Brothers. A classic song...I haven't heard it in 5 years, used to be a family favorite!

--Mbo

Subject: Lyr Add: DOPE SMOKING RAG
From: TerriM
Date: 01 Jun 00 - 10:35 AM

My husband Steve's "Dope smoking Rag" is my current favourite
This morning I woke up to say
I'm not gonna smake any dope today
It's time for me to give my lungs a rest
I threw the windows open wide
and flush with pride as I decide
To put my resolution to the test

By lunchtime I'm craving
It's a good job I was saving
Those roaches from the ashtrays of my past
I may not be too quick to see
the effect this stuff is having on me
But I do know how to make a good thing last

So pass me the papers and the cigarettes
Virtues are desirable but they don't make very good pets
So I'll loosen off my necktie and stifle regrets

There's more on the same theme, done in a shit-kicking country voice, makes me laugh like a drain!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From:
Date: 01 Jun 00 - 01:55 PM

In the Ghetto Elvis Presley

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahha

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Victoria H.
Date: 02 Jun 00 - 12:32 AM

"The Devil and the Bailiff", Eric Bogle's "Bob Dylan Song",and Ian Robb's take on an great Stan Rogers song, (Barrett's Privateers) called "Garnett's Homemade Beer" !

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: alison
Date: 02 Jun 00 - 04:09 AM

Victoria Wood's "let's do it.....

Seamus Kennedy's "Old Macdonald" is a scream.....

and one along the lines of "Here come the vikings.... hurdy-gurdy-hurdy-gurdy... blood curdling scream......" only heard once but never forgotten.....

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: alison
Date: 02 Jun 00 - 04:18 AM

I jsut found them on the net... here's Victoria Wood's

alternative tango

and The Ballad of Barry and Freda (let's do it)

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Robo
Date: 03 Jun 00 - 12:07 AM

Appreciate the Zappas, really do, and the Lehrers, the Prines, Goodmans and Paxtons, but we're a mile down this list and Loudon Wainwright III's nowhere to be found? Hello . . . ?

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Art Thieme
Date: 08 Jun 00 - 09:32 PM

The answer to this querie, for me, must be the song that answers the question, "Why are Eskimo's scrotums so huge?"----but given the absolutely stupid and moronic topics of threads here at Mudcat in recent months, I do suspect this topic has probably been thoroughly looked into.

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: DougR
Date: 08 Jun 00 - 11:36 PM

"Don't Pet the Dog," gets my vote.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: GUEST,LU/U
Date: 09 Jun 00 - 03:32 PM

"Not Nice To Fool Mother Nature" I forget the artist's name but I heard it and taped it off Dr. Demento in the early '80's.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Pene Azul
Date: 09 Jun 00 - 03:46 PM

Looks like it's time to continue this one.
It's getting too long for some folks to load.

Please post to The funniest song you have ever heard II.

---Please Do Not Post More Here---

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Susanne (skw)
Date: 19 Jan 02 - 06:32 PM

Just for the record: SS Shieldall (see posting by Stewart, 26 May 00) is credited to John Murphy on the album 'Unity Creates Strength' (1972). I haven't worked out the verses so far. If I eventually do I'll post them elsewhere. And now, PLEASE GO ON POSTING TO THE NEW THREAD!

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Mr Happy
Date: 11 Sep 09 - 10:52 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn9YiF3gPAM

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Acorn4
Date: 11 Sep 09 - 12:09 PM

Verry funny song, but I was slightly distracted by the fact that Ms Wood's voice has started to sound like June Tabor in places.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 11 Sep 09 - 01:44 PM

Trouble is, so many different SORTS of funny song - Spike Jones ["Chloe'} ; music-hall ["I asked Johnny Jones"; "4-Horse Sharrybang"];
folk {"The Devil & the Feathery Wife", "The Tailor in the Teachest";"Butter&Cheese&All"; "The Brown Girl"] ... ah me; think I'll just go & sing right thru Chevy Chase & go back to bed ...

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: john f weldon
Date: 11 Sep 09 - 02:43 PM

Mysterious subjunctification & funny....
"Red Kimono" Peter & Lou Berryman

Poignant & funny...
"Homelessness" P&L B again

Gets better as it gets more outdated & politically incorrect....
"Mad Dogs & Englishmen" by Noel Coward

Nasty funny
"My Object All Sublime" or "I've got a little list" (G&S)

But if you want to appeal to your inner idiot...
"I took my gal to the baseball game" (Trad)

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Peace
Date: 11 Sep 09 - 02:48 PM

"Little Brown Shack Out Back" by Billy Ed Wheeler.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 12 Sep 09 - 08:07 AM

... or maybe it's TheFriarInTheWell

... or maybe it's just the *idea* of JohnnyTodd getting to be known
    to one&all as TheZCarsTune....

          Ho hum - back2bed


                Ah — got it!   
      
         ♫♫ SLEEP·SWEETER - BOURNVITA ♫♫

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: GUEST,Ken Brock
Date: 12 Sep 09 - 08:46 AM

The Tom Lehrer revue Tomfoolery (which incidentally right now has 3 productions - in St Louis MO, Portland OR and DeKalb IL), has a 1-2-3 punch in the second act that can't be beat with "Smut", "Oedipus Rex" and "Masochism Tango".

And I just about fell out of bed laughing the first time I heard his "Vatican Rag" on the radio, back in 1968.

My all-time pick for funniest recording would have to be the Stan Freberg (with Daws Butler) cover of the Platters' "The Great Pretender", where the jazz pianist does not want to play that "klink klink" stuff.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Gweltas
Date: 12 Sep 09 - 10:43 PM

Try "The Politician's Song" written by Mudcat's own Chordstrangler, AKA Mickey MacConnell. It is a hoot !!

"The Dog In The Microwave" a parody to the tune of "The Lincolnshire Poacher" is also most entertaining.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: GUEST,Beth Landau
Date: 12 Sep 09 - 10:59 PM

The entire collection on Andy Breckman's Don't Get Killed album is worth a listen.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 13 Sep 09 - 03:34 AM

Having just added it to the Well·Done·England thread — it has to be Football Crazy -

followed, for no partic reason except I just found myself singing it over breakfast, by The Day We Went To Rothesay-O

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 13 Sep 09 - 05:22 AM

... plus, in different genre, Coward's Mad·Dogs·&·Englishmen

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Sep 09 - 05:57 AM

Sister Josephine - Jake Thakray (plus many others by him too)

He's Nobody's Moggie Now - Eric Bogle

I'll add to that that some of Bob Dylan's early talking blues stuff was quite funny, specially when it first came out and you heard it with fresh ears, so to speak. Then too, he has some hilarious deadpan lines in certain songs such as: "I hear you got a new boyfriend, no I never seen him before...I saw makin' love to him...you forgot to close the garage door." Damn funny, in my opinion. The line in there about the hat "you know, it balances on your head just like a mattress balances on a bottle of wine" is pretty droll too.

And then there's Paul Anka's "Havin' My Baby"....utterly frickin' hilarious, though I don't think he intended it that way. ;-D

Regarding the Eric Bogle song about not bein' "willin' to play Bob Dylan"....well, it's quite amusing when Bogle does it, yes...but I absolutely love to play Bob Dylan. So I can forgive Eric Bogle, because it's his song and all...but do I need to hear other people singing it? Naw... I think they're just a tad jealous of Bob at some level, whether they will ever admit it to themselves or anyone else.

I went to a folk club in southern Ontario that's run by a bunch of pretentious sods who think the sun rises and sets on them because they all have Scottish or Irish accents, beards, and a repertoire strictly from that exclusive UK/Ireland background, and the president of the club sang that Eric Bogle song, much delighting himself and his cronies. I went on right after him and I sang a Bob Dylan song for them. ;-D Considerably better than they could do it too, I think, assuming they would ever deign to stoop that low.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: frogprince
Date: 13 Sep 09 - 03:16 PM

Just heard a new one for my list last night; John Flynn's children's song, "A Manatee Sneezed on Me"; a very innocent story-in-song of what actually happened to one of his kids, and a hoot.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 13 Sep 09 - 03:24 PM

Flanders & Swann must be up there with a claim too - probably 'Twas on a Monday morning'. & which of Tom Lehrer's takes top place?

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: john f weldon
Date: 13 Sep 09 - 03:27 PM

Just discovered this...

alphabet

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Allen in Oz
Date: 13 Sep 09 - 06:13 PM

" Ernie" by Benny Hill

AD

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: sing4peace
Date: 14 Sep 09 - 11:20 AM

Almost anything by Lou and Peter Berryman. Especially "A Chat With Your Mother".

Joyce

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Mr Happy
Date: 15 Sep 09 - 10:53 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nNGlaiVypU

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Dave Roberts
Date: 13 Jan 10 - 02:58 AM

I agree with a lot of the above, particularly: 'Sister Josephine' and loads of other Jake Thackray songs.
Also practically anything by Flanders and Swann.
And Victoria Wood's 'Let's Do It' ('beat me on the bottom with the Woman's Weekly' - a classic line).
But Mr Happy should not be so modest.
As mentioned in a previous thread, we were all highly tickled at Bull Bay last August with his somewhat eccentric version of 'Old MacDonald Had A Farm'.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: GUEST,Bob L
Date: 13 Jan 10 - 08:06 AM

Once upon a time I encountered the duo Mechanical Horsetrough, whose songs were alternately indelicate in the extreme or libellous about Watney's Red Barrel, occasionally both, and their style fell very much into the "not a dry knicker in the house" category. It took me 25 years to track down the words of "Teddy Bears' Raveup", now shown at http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=62712 (sorry, can't get the clicky engine to work).

Still one of my favourites, along with others mentioned in this thread.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Acorn4
Date: 13 Jan 10 - 09:42 AM

I know his humour is completely out of vogue, but to me "The Old Fiddler" by Benny Hill has to be one of the funniest ever.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 13 Jan 10 - 09:48 AM

So does his Pepys' Diary — "Lord Clarendon walks swiftly on, But naughty Samuel peeps..."

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 13 Jan 10 - 09:53 AM

The vicar and the frog always sets me off even though I know what is coming.

DeG

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: RoyH (Burl)
Date: 22 Feb 10 - 12:27 PM

Hello Callie (21 Dec 1999) I don't think Manura Manyah is trad. I think it was written by Matt McGinn.(but I could be wrong) Burl.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Feb 10 - 05:39 AM

Tom Paxton could turn them out and so can Fascinating Aida check them out on Youtube

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: GUEST,frithagrey
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 03:19 PM

"Have a Little Priest" from Sweeney Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street. You don't even have to watch the whole musical, I've played just this song for friends who have never heard of it and they fall on the floor every time.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: GUEST,JonR
Date: 25 Mar 10 - 11:49 AM

I go with Jake Thackeray's performance of Brother Gorilla (written by George Brassens).
I saw him do it live about 35 years ago (my band were supporting him), and still remember the penultimate verse word for word:

"Now the gorilla is very proficient
In the role of a paramour
But his mental equipment's deficient
And his eyesight's exceedingly poor.
With a paleolithic leer
He gave the old lady a miss
And grabbing the judge by the ear
Gave him an introductory kiss"

As ever with JT, his morose, urbane, cultivated expression, courageous resistance to corpsing, and biting precision of delivery gave the lyrics a power they can lack on the page. (The triumphant yet restrained sneer as he spat out the "introductory kiss" phrase.)
I was practically on the floor with stunned admiration at this point of the song - struggling not to collapse in case I missed the next finely honed gem.

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: frogprince
Date: 27 Mar 10 - 11:02 PM

I Just heard a live cover performance of this for the first time tonight; I really think the group, Bill Bynum and Company, perform it better than Carll, but gotta give him credit for writting it. She Left Me For Jesus

Subject: RE: The funniest song you have ever heard!
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 28 Mar 10 - 02:03 AM

It's arguable that the funniest song ever written is "All Things Bright & Beautiful". At about age 13 or 14, I wrote this additional verse

The malarial mosquito,
The bubonic-carrying rat,
He must have made the lot of them;
So what do you think of that?

which seemed to me {& still does} to underline the idiocy of Mrs Alexander's portentously fatuous original.