when your mate disagrees

Subject: when your mate disagrees
From: mkebenn
Date: 04 Jan 17 - 09:53 AM

Ive come out of a breakup, and I wonder if I should have seen this comming from the start. We have totally different tastes in music. She is the proverbial rock and roll woman, while I'm more Trad, folk, country. Americana, etc. Hell, I grew up in the '60s, so of course I love most all of the "classic" stuff, and my daughter has gotten me into some heavier, more metalic work, so I feel I'm adaptable. How ever, Herself will not be in the same room with my music, even when I'm playing it(be nice). Have any of you had a succesful relationship without some music in common? Mike

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Jan 17 - 10:37 AM

surely music was not the only thing about which you disagreed. Not sharing musical taste seems an odd reason to end a relationship. Perhaps the taste thing was just a symptom. My mate and I share some tastes, opera, classical etc..we do not always see eye to eye on others but we do try to listen and discuss. Perhaps you are reading far too much into this musical taste thing..just an observation.

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: Elmore
Date: 04 Jan 17 - 10:59 AM

My first wife liked folk music. She wasn't all that fond of me.

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: GUEST,Morris-ey
Date: 04 Jan 17 - 11:23 AM

I assume she dumped you? If so did she say why?

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: Will Fly
Date: 04 Jan 17 - 12:48 PM

That degree of separation - not even coming into the same room when you're playing - is about more than music. Just a symptom of something greater and more important.

My wife of 50 years have had some arguments and disagreements over the years - and out musical tastes overlap, rather than totally coincide - but we've always had a live and let live attitude to music!

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: Jack Campin
Date: 04 Jan 17 - 02:16 PM

The partner of a friend of mine had a head injury from a bike accident. He had no very obvious lasting disability, but since then, the only music he wants to listen to is Bob Dylan.

Surely any judge would agree that was reasonable grounds for euthanasia.

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: David C. Carter
Date: 04 Jan 17 - 02:44 PM

I new a geezer who never had any kind of accident,but all he ever wanted to listen to was Dononvan and Ewan MacColl,how tragic!

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: meself
Date: 04 Jan 17 - 03:03 PM

If I'm not mistaken - proviso: I usually am - a couple of you are missing the point of the OP. I don't think the idea was that they split because of their differing musical tastes, but rather that the differences in musical tastes were an indication of other differences that would emerge.

OP question: Have any of you had a succesful [sic] relationship without some music in common?

Various answers: There were other things wrong with your relationship.

???

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: Gurney
Date: 04 Jan 17 - 03:04 PM

I like folk/jazz/blues. Her Indoors likes opera/country/classical. We have an extensive CD collection!
We both tend to play our own music when the other isn't there, except in the car, where we tend to play hers because when I'm driving I sing along and sometimes try to harmonise. With my eyes closed.

She thinks some English trad is music to slit your wrists to, except Jez Lowe and Bob Davenport, and I have a similar opinion about some opera. Except Sarah Brightman.

I knew she had some daft opinions when we married. She thought/thinks some of my tastes are odd.
We've rubbed along for 40+ years.

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Jan 17 - 03:18 PM

My two cents' worth: it isn't just significant others.

I am estranged from my family of origin, like really estranged. There are some sound reasons for this which are outside of and beyond music, which I will keep private. However the music thing can't help but be connected.

It is striking in my case because my family all but pushed me into music lessons. There was an instrument in the house; I started playing it by ear, very young, so the gift and the talent were evident. One of my elders was basically a frustrated 'Artiste' anyhow, maybe more than one of them. So the vicarious stage-mother thing developed, and there were family members living through me as I went from music teacher to music teacher, participated in musical organizations in public school and in the family church, eventually got a teacher who prepared me for serious classical-music auditioning, and ended up at university with two degrees in applied music with a performance major. My family had means, and paid for six straight years of university tuition, as well as all those earlier years of private lessons. I was grateful and let them know that I was.

Now there is silence between us, after all that intense activity.

One elder relative, I won't identify by gender or anything, was intensely shall we say 'invested' in the whole thing; would not make music in front of anybody; but had had enough lessons to make music in private. This relative could sit down at a piano and sing and play at the same time, and when this person had both time and privacy would do so in their own home. Nobody else in the room with them. Very intense and emotional connection with music, but would never ever do it in front of people. Loved their songs by Jerome Kern and the Gershwins; loved to listen to recordings of Chopin ballades but was never advanced enough to play Chopin themselves.

Now me, I thrived on church choir and the school choruses. I sang vigorously in the groups, and very often accompanied at the keyboard. Before the whole adventure came to its end, I found myself at an opera company, NOT singing but playing the keyboard as an apprentice "repetiteur/regisseur," accompanying rehearsals, and spending performances in the wings. But my great love turned out to be, not opera, but two related areas: the classical "art song", solo voice and piano before an audience; and "traditional music" where instruments accompany singers who perform for audiences who are vitally invested in the words and their content as well as the music. I still love choruses too.

My relatives, if I turned on the radio on Saturday afternoon, were aghast if the Texaco Metropolitan Opera was being broadcast live into their very own living room. One day I wanted to hear the great American baritone Thomas Stewart singing Hans Sachs, in English translation, in a Texas production I think it was of Wagner's Die Meistersinger. Talk about clearing everybody out of the house, I ended up all by myself at the radio, with my nearest and dearest relatives literally getting in the car and going for a drive.

Shoot. That's more than enough. I guess I needed to get that off my chest. Sorry and thanks for listening.

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: The Sandman
Date: 04 Jan 17 - 05:53 PM

Years ago when I was Farming, I had a sow that loved Mozart, and most other classical music, however when she was on heat all she wanted was the boar, and she didnt seem to be interested in whether they had the same musical tastes, all she wanted was what the boar had between his legs.Ihope that story doesnt bore you

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: meself
Date: 04 Jan 17 - 07:33 PM

Good Soldier, you're not saying ... comparing ... no, you couldn't be ....

*******************

The tail ends of two anecdotes concerning musicians of my acquaintace:

1) Musician: But - but - listen: it's the REAL THING!

   SO: I don't WANT the REAL THING!!

2) Musician: But - but - I thought you LIKED jazz!?

   SO: I like JAZZ MUSICIANS - I don't like JAZZ!!

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: GUEST,pauperback
Date: 04 Jan 17 - 09:34 PM

Years ago when I was Farming,
I had a sow that loved Mozart,

however when she was on heat
all she wanted was the boar,

and she didnt seem to be interested in
whether they had the same musical tastes,

all she wanted was what the boar had between his legs.

I hope that story doesnt bore you

Smell that? That's the smell of money.
Farmers...

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 05 Jan 17 - 03:58 AM

When I met the man who was to become my husband (and still is!) back in the early 70s, we seemed to like a lot of the same music, which included folk, classical and some pop.
Over the years our interests seem to have diverged somewhat, with him being more likely to listen to plays and chat shows on the radio (BBC Radio 4 and 5 Live) or, if he does have music on, it's Classic FM. You could say his favourite piece of music us "The Archers" theme tune! My usual channel will be BBC Radio Scotland, where you get a mixture of chat and some good music programmes.
I am much more involved in playing trad and folk music than I ever was: this sometimes involves having friends to the house to practise for a gig: his cue to go out! He will come to the local folk club once a month, just because it's near and he might see some of his pals, but not interested in going to any other folk gigs elsewhere. He does come to 2 out of the many festivals I go to, but only because they are in places where he has family/friends, or he just likes the place: definitely not there for the music!
The car journeys, ah yes, now there us a source of disagreement! If in his car, we'll get any of the radio progs above, but dare I put a CD on? (Don't think he even knows where the CD slot is!) In my car, with my choice of music, it will be, "Do we have to listen to this rubbish?"
And as we get older, neither of us hears as well as we used to: so the radio will be on full blast, and then he tries to TALK over it, which really means shouting to be heard. Now that really does my head in! "If you want to talk to me, turn the bl@@dy thing off"!

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: Mo the caller
Date: 05 Jan 17 - 05:51 AM

Car radio - well it was always the driver chooses in our car. Which channel if any.
I can't do with anything too intense while driving. Talk or cheerful music. Maybe Classic FM, then channel hop to miss the adverts. Or switch off for complicated navigating or traffic.

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: mkebenn
Date: 05 Jan 17 - 09:27 AM

Thank you all. Of course there were other issues, but I was wondering if it was a symptom I should have heeded. And I had a former lover who's favorite pastime was candles, brew, Baez, and romping, but she was a faithless wench at heart. Ah, maybe in the next go round. Mike

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: The Sandman
Date: 05 Jan 17 - 10:01 AM

guest pauperback, I was employed to work on a farm, what is your point about money, of course I did not work for nothing, Ithink iw was paid about the equivalent of todays minimium wage, so it was a low paid job, as is the case with most farm enployees

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 05 Jan 17 - 12:01 PM

Me and the mrs have been together since we were students back in the early 80s...

We lead entirely separate lives apart from evening meals, an hour or two on the sofa watching TV and dozing off;
.. and bed: I'm nocturnal, so usually join her for a half hour of more of 'cuddles' before she gets up for work...
[she needs that boost of affection to get her started up in the mornings..]

It seems to work ok for us..
basic human drives & appetites cement us together, and for some odd reason have kept us mostly monogamous for over 30 years
as we now are both getting more lethargic and fatter...???

Being adventurous, thrill seeking and adulterous is stressful and too much like hard work...

She is gregarious and enjoys going out..
I'm a miserable hermit who can't stand the discomforts and irritations of socializing......

Something to be said for a boring lifestyle of mutually beneficial compromise, stability, certainty and affectionate dependability...

We do share the same basic core tastes & values in 1970s music and pop culture,
even if my more idiosyncratic personal preferences are too esoteric out on the fringes, and hers veer more towards safe comfy MOR...

Her current favourite radio station is "Smooth Radio"
She also loves karaoke..........

I prefer randomly searching trash culture movie & music links on the internet
and stumbling across unknown treasures like 1960s Turkish psychedelia and Indonesian rock n roll..

I look forward to her annual holiday abroad with 'the girls [late 50s / 60s]
so I can have the house to myself for a week....

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: meself
Date: 05 Jan 17 - 12:36 PM

"1960s Turkish psychedelia"

Now, the way I am, I think I'd rather just imagine that than actually hear it.

In fact ... I'm imagining now ... delightful ... strange ... strange but delightful, yes ....

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 05 Jan 17 - 08:24 PM

Mrs Steve and I (40 years wed) have very limited shared tastes in music. When we're in the car we'll both enjoy a bit of Dolores/Dolly/Linda, maybe a bit of Ron Kavana or Bothy Band, a touch of Carly Simon or whatever's on Classic FM as long as it's not bloody Elgar's Cello Concerto for the fifth time in a week. Maybe a bit of Pastoral Symphony or Mendelssohn's Italian, a Mozart piano concerto or some Tchaikovsky ballet music. Gershwin, fantastic. Even a bit of Glen Miller. Works well enough and passes the time.

But I also love a very wide range of classical, including a ton of Stravinsky, Bernstein, Ravel, late Beethoven, Brahms, Schumann, and Mozart masses and operas, and I'll give anything a whirl really. If I stick any of that stuff on when we're forced to be together, I might get a touch of tight-lipped silence. The game's not worth the candle. She can't stand anything like a string quartet or anything played on an organ or harpsichord. I'm a damn sight better off waiting till she's gone to bed before whacking any of that on and sticking on the headphones. And the very worst thing I can do is to get all "scholarly" about the stuff I like that she doesn't.

Life is one big compromise!

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Jan 17 - 09:32 PM

Part of the answer is answering, "How big/important is music in your life?" I spend hours (if I can) everyday playing/learning songs and tunes. It is a large part of who I am. I once dumped a nice gal who just couldn't stand folk music. I couldn't play it in the car, at home, anywhere near her and I got so frustrated I threw in the towel. I do and live with other interesting activities but it came down to her OR the music - ADIOS! Gopherit

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 05 Jan 17 - 11:42 PM

Most key important essential words I forgot to include earlier are "respect" and "trust"...

What I believe is more important than any music preferences is a healthy sense of humour....

Couples need it as they get old and fatter together, and the bed starts to creak along hairline cracks in the pine frame,
.. and old favourite sexual positions become increasingly more difficult and comical..

Plus in the hours we do share together, the wife needs regular attention to keep the miseries at bay..

If she needs a soothing hand up the front of her jumper for a few minutes
while she's watching laugh a minute shows like "Penguins say the funniest things" or "Cute kittens falling of balconies onto bulldogs"..
who am I to disobey..... 😇

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Jan 17 - 01:47 AM

There is such a thing as too much information. Should be song about , yes?

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 06 Jan 17 - 04:08 AM

a song...???

"Fat woman, fat man don't try to lie like two spoons,
You'll both get no sleep tonight,
In the pine, in the pine,
Stress fractures in the pine,
Your bed creaks the whole night through.

By the way... too much information would be if I said -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------

[to spare the blushes of the over sensitive, that paragraph was typed in invisible text.
To reveal contents just carefully hold your monitor screen over a candle flame for a few minutes until the teat reappears...] 😜

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 06 Jan 17 - 05:01 AM

Until the teat reappears? Freudian slip there if ever I saw one!😂

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 06 Jan 17 - 05:06 AM

x.....

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: GUEST,Some bloke or other
Date: 06 Jan 17 - 05:21 AM

Two HiFis in the house. Never fails.

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: mkebenn
Date: 06 Jan 17 - 08:59 AM

PFR:"Soothing hand..jumper"? you've made my day. Mike

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 Jan 17 - 10:31 AM

Nah, our tastes are completely different. I like traditional and folk songs/music, classical stuff and novelty songs. My husband likes traditional African music (which is great, but I don't understand it and have a lot to learn) I must say African instruments are fascinating, particularly all the different types of drums (djembe and so on ) and the cora (a stringed instrument on a huge gourd) balofon and various percussion stuff. He sticks his headphones on and wails away in Malinke to the music (he can't sing very well) and I get songs from Youtube and sing along to those (Of course, I have a beautiful voice. Not.)
It doesn't matter in the least. Differences are excellent in a marriage; it keeps each person as an individual instead of becoming like Blib and Blob.

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: Anne Lister
Date: 06 Jan 17 - 06:36 PM

My husband has learnt about folk music from me - he hadn't really encountered much before we met. His tastes are eclectic, from Art of Noise through ZZTop to film scores and tv ident music. His other interests include building a Dalek, dressing as a Star Wars trooper and retro clothing, none of which I share. However it is without doubt the best relationship either of us has ever had, makes us both very happy and keeps us both on our toes. Just about at our 14th anniversary of meeting, so we must be doing something right.
Where we can, we both support each other in our endeavours. That's one of the important bits of glue - but the most important is how much we both like each other, as well as love.

Anne

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 06 Jan 17 - 11:00 PM

I looked at some websites that purported to discuss musical tastes versus personality. I think they were taking the wrong tack. They classified music using a marketer's terms - classical, jazz, hip hop etc.

To me, the important thing is how the music sounds. Jazz, for instance can range from Dixieland (traditional) to modern progressive (unmelodic, narcissistic and irritating.) Not that I'm prejudiced or anything.

"Classical music" covers everything from a Strauss waltz to Schoenberg. Radically different kinds of music.

Today I ate lunch in an IHOP restaurant that was playing music that seemed designed to irritate people. Singers were whiny, lyrics were so incomprehensible they seemed to be in a foreign language, and worst of all, the accompaniment seemed to be about 1/4 second off from the melody. Listening to that all day would be like going all day with a pin in my shirt, scratching me.

If I were partnered with a person who played that around the house, something would have to give.

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: GUEST,pauperback
Date: 07 Jan 17 - 12:40 AM

Now don't get touchy GSS thats a saying, reproduction farming smells, (if I have to spell it out for you), but that's, they say, the smell of money.

On another level, your post had the smell of money.

Thumbs up

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: GUEST,pauperback
Date: 07 Jan 17 - 01:40 PM

And no, I didn't mean it was shit (that would be pretentious)
I meant...oh never mind

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Jan 17 - 01:46 PM

when Mudcatters disagree....

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: GUEST
Date: 07 Jan 17 - 02:02 PM

It kind of feels like two thick planks talking to a post

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 07 Jan 17 - 02:10 PM

If [heaven forbid] I ever needed to join a dating website
it'd be far more important for me to exclude smokers, cat owners, pungent chemical warfare perfume wearers,
silicone breasts, botox and any other unnatural cosmetic vanity body 'enhancements'.....

[Ok.. tattoos & piercings conditional on prior viewing and approval...]


But insisting on specific musical preferences like folk music..???

nah.. that's just no where near as essential, or a potential relationship deal breaker..

I'd possibly even tolerate new age crystals & tarot.. maybe even a tory voter under certain circumstances..

Though it would be cool if she could sing well and play bass or drums... 😜

Subject: RE: when your mate disagrees
From: GUEST,pauperback
Date: 07 Jan 17 - 02:34 PM

short planks...see what I mean?