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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Andy7 Date: 23 Apr 18 - 07:26 PM Hahaha, it was worth the wait! :-) |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Helen Date: 23 Apr 18 - 01:04 PM I've read variations of this one, but this one will do: So there were two guys named Sam Frank and Frank Sam. They were beloved best friends for life and had their different vices. Sam Frank loved to hang out in discos and party and Frank Sam loved to play his harp. They both tragically died. Frank Sam went to heaven and played his harp beautifully for St. Peter and the rest of the angels and Sam Frank went to...well...you know...the other place. One night, St Peter said to Frank Sam, that he could go down to the other place and visit Sam Frank but for ONLY ONE NIGHT! aaaand midnight was the cut-off, a cinderelly sort a thing. They had a marvelous time. Sam Frank owned a wonderful little disco where Frank Sam played his harp and they joked for hours. Midnight struck and Frank Sam had to go. They said their goodbyes and Frank Sam went back to Heaven. He walked up to the Pearly Gates and whispered "ah damn." St Peter looked concerned and asked "What is it?" Frank Sam looked at him and said...(drum roll for most cheesy and out of date punch line in the world) "I left my Harp in Sam Frank's Disco ." |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Mr Red Date: 23 Apr 18 - 05:25 AM last night a guy sang the "Wizard of Alderley Edge" written by Pete Coe My comment to him was "it was coe-written" the joke is an instrument - of torture! |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler Date: 02 Apr 18 - 03:31 AM Do you remember all those T shirt slogans on the theme "X do it" in some humorous way? Concertina players do it on a fusion of air. Robin |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Mr Red Date: 01 Apr 18 - 10:51 AM come to thik about it, how many ceilidh dancers does it take to change a lightbulb? can't be done, because every time you turn left ................... it drops out. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Andy7 Date: 01 Apr 18 - 05:28 AM How many violinists does it take to change a lightbulb? - As many as you like, there'll still be more than enough left in the orchestra. How many viola players does it take to change a lightbulb? - As many as you like, no one will notice they've gone. How many timpani players does it take to change a lightbulb? - Just one is fine ... as long as she's back in time for bar 786. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Mr Red Date: 01 Apr 18 - 04:51 AM That was a joke for Johnny-come-latelies obviously. The Bodhran must be the oldest instrument, because it started (relatively) with a Big Bang.......... a joke for Hawking around the event horizon. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Peter the Squeezer Date: 29 Mar 18 - 12:36 PM Bloke walks in to a bar in Belfast, carrying a plastic bag under his arm. Barman asks "What you got in there then?" "Ten pounds of Semtex". "Thank Christ for that - I thought it was a bodhran". |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Mr Red Date: 28 Mar 18 - 04:25 AM knock, knock! who's there? Wurlitzer Wurlitzer who? Wurlitzer one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready &................. go man go I'll get my diamond studded cape |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Mr Red Date: 27 Mar 18 - 08:38 AM how many melodeon players does it take to change a lightbulb? Depends whether you are pushing or pulling. How many guitarists? Depends on the chord. Trumpeters? One, but he might blow a fuse! should I quite while behind? |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Raedwulf Date: 26 Mar 18 - 05:34 PM In a slightly more serious answer to the OP, it's a combination / one or the other of tone & the perceived skill, I suggest. It's just as well shawms have gone out of fashion - loud, raucous, nasal, a bit like the various pipes. Not everybody's favoured sound, and the same thing undoubtedly influences opinions on banjos, accordions, etc. They're all instruments that have a certain treble edge, going on shrill (depending on your ears) that doesn't appeal to many, and therefore they become a target. Similarly, how do you stop a drummer's knuckles dragging on the ground? Teach him to walk upright! Any idiot can hit a drum, right? Yeah, OK, if you say so... Double basses don't necessarily get interesting parts, but they underpin the harmony, therefore they have a certain importance and, often, complexity. Cellos get interesting parts - they're only over-sized violins after all and, of course, violins (bunch of tarts!). But the viola part, on its own, is usually simpler, and less noticeable, therefore the player must be less skilled... On the other hand, if you want an engine to purr it needs oil. Take the oil out, and your engine will sound off & then seize... So it is with an orchestra - take the violas out & an expert ear will soon say "Hang on, something's not running right..." (Yes, I'm well aware I've just mixed several metaphors! ;-) ). As for coriander, it's a genetic thing. It's leaf coriander only, too; the flavour of seed is unaffected. If you have the gene, then an enzyme in the saliva makes it taste... It has been described as like shaving soap & similar. To me (yes, I apparently have said gene), leaf coriander simply tastes chemical. It is absolutely unpalatable; it's not a question of "like" or getting used to it. I don't like peas or parsnips, but I can eat them & blank the flavour. Leaf coriander is simply chemical & inedible! |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,DrWord Date: 26 Mar 18 - 05:19 PM You got me, Ray. Keith is clearly mad. Thanks for the link. It was fun, and I learned too. keep on pickindennis |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Ray Date: 26 Mar 18 - 06:43 AM For Denis's benefit and all those who decry banjo players, they should take a look at THIS (Just ignore the vocals!) |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Phil d'Conch Date: 26 Mar 18 - 04:13 AM Recent exchange on Reddit: “Drummers were used as a way to communicate to the soldiers on the battlefield. Voices were easily lost amongst all the noise of battle so they used drums and bugles to communicate what the commanders wanted. Consequently, because of their importance, drummers were usually the first killed.” “Bagpipes served a similar purpose, as their sound carried and couldn’t be confused with the enemy’s drums. However, pipers were also the first killed, usually weeks or months before the actual battle.” |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,DrWord Date: 14 Feb 18 - 07:05 PM Considerable thread drift here, folks. OR does it mean that most of these gadgets are a joke? The drop D tuner on Kate Ferris parlour guitar seemed pretty slick, however. Never seen or tried any other devices or tech. Some are outright gimmicky. Learn your fingerboard. By ALL means, get more guitars, as BeeDubyaEll so eloquently put it. Now back to the topic at hand. Instrument jokes. And keep on pickin dennis |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Jerry Date: 12 Feb 18 - 06:11 PM Maybe I misinterpreted what they were asking for then, but I was sorry to hear of Bill Keith’s passing, one of my heroes. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Ray Date: 12 Feb 18 - 01:04 PM Yes, although not a banjo player, I did work with Bill Keith many years ago and know that. If you read the posts by BobL and Bee-Dubya-Ell you will see that they ask two questions which I think I've answered. (Other banjo tuning pegs are available). For guitars you might like to investigate these - https://hipshotproducts.com/products/gt1-guitar-xtender |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Jerry Date: 12 Feb 18 - 03:49 AM Keith pegs on Banjos are only used when actually playing, ie. to drop down into an open D tuning and then back to an open G mid tune, ie. not to assist with tuning but rather deliberate de-tuning. You need to be properly in tune to start with. The same goes for the Line Six Variax Acoustic, which will switch automatically to alternative tunings, but only when relayed through an amplifier. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Kristoffer Ross Date: 09 Feb 18 - 11:49 AM Thanks, Andy! I kinda hoped there was a parrot involved somewhere. There is the spider capo. you run into problems with those when you try to fret the uncapoed strings, so I've never used them. My Mother owns a nice mahogany Martin, which I borrow that whenever I get half a chance. Actually, the main the reason I use open tunings is because I switched from folk-harp, and they make more sense to my harper mind. retuning 3-6 strings every song is still a heck of a lot easier than tuning 32 twice in a night. "Any (strike-through)lame excuse (end strike-through) logical reason to own another guitar should be cultivated, not ignored." ~ Bee-dubya-ell. I would like that put on my gravestone. Kristoffer |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Ray Date: 09 Feb 18 - 10:56 AM I think the auto tuning feature on the Gibson guitars is intended for people who can't tune a guitar as evidenced by the fact that it only tends to appear on their cheaper models. Just as you can buy "Keith" pegs for a banjo, Grover make similar two position tuners for guitar. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Andy7 Date: 09 Feb 18 - 08:58 AM Oh, whoops, the previous post was from me! Andy7 |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST Date: 09 Feb 18 - 08:56 AM Kristoffer, the song is one of my own, and I performed it with a toy parrot attached to my guitar. It's about a parrot. :-) |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Bee-dubya-ell Date: 09 Feb 18 - 06:48 AM Perhaps someone should invent a mechanism for changing the tuning of a string by a specific and exact amount, similar to that used on harps. But not necessarily pedal-operated. Such a creature does exist. (CLICK) It's a feature of the self-tuning mechanism which is available on selected Gibson guitars. One can pre-program several tunings and the guitar will tune itself to any of them at the push of a button. Problem is it's only available on a few electric models, no acoustics. Personally, I prefer the multiple-guitar system. Any |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: BobL Date: 09 Feb 18 - 05:09 AM Perhaps someone should invent a mechanism for changing the tuning of a string by a specific and exact amount, similar to that used on harps. But not necessarily pedal-operated. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Kristoffer Ross Date: 08 Feb 18 - 09:15 PM Andy(7), I can actually relate a bit. Can I ask what the song was? Our own running joke in shows is seeing how well my singer's introductions can line up with the time it takes me changing guitar tunings. I sometimes wonder if all the open tunings are worth it, then I think "I should just buy three more guitars" Best, Kristoffer |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Andy7 Date: 08 Feb 18 - 07:05 PM As a precursor to a comedy song at a recent gig, I announced: "You know what they say about guitar players? We spend half our time tuning up ... and the other half attaching our parrots!" Well okay, I guess you'd need to have been there - it doesn't work nearly so well as a cafe post, without the atmosphere, and without the props! |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Krisoffer Ross Date: 08 Feb 18 - 06:33 PM Q. How did the Irish bouzouki player wash his dishes? A. Well, it's kind of like a really big mandolin, but tuned an octave lower. Except for the high course, which is tuned... |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Ray Date: 06 Feb 18 - 06:54 AM Sir Thomas Beecham was once reported to have said to a lady cellist, who was playing badly - "Madam, you have, between your legs, the most exquisite instrument known to mankind but all you have done today is scratch it." |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: banjoman Date: 06 Feb 18 - 04:46 AM The mute swan only makes a sound when it is on its death bed. Pity the same cant be said of melodeon players. A quote (altered to suit) from Oscar Wilde? |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Ray Date: 05 Feb 18 - 03:54 AM ...... and then there was the banjo play/drummer who walked into a music shop and said that he/she was sick of being the butt of so many jokes and had decided to learn the accordion. "Can I try that one on the wall please?" He/she asks. "No" came the reply, "That's a radiator!". |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Some bloke Date: 05 Feb 18 - 03:19 AM I recall as a child bringing my school violin home for the first time.. My Dad referred to it as a vile din. Mind you, I had similar views of his Mantovani albums. Oh, jokes. I see. What is a ukelele? Kindling for a banjo fire. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,James Date: 04 Feb 18 - 08:06 PM a harmonica player and a guitar player both fall off a cliff. Who reaches the bottom first? The guitar player. The Harmonica player has to keep stopping to ask what key they're in. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: clueless don Date: 11 Apr 17 - 08:20 AM My current favorite joke is the one with the punchline "electric bass solo". |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Don Day Date: 11 Apr 17 - 08:12 AM "Daddy, when I grow up I want to be a musician. I want to be a drummer" "Steady on Son. Make your mind up. You can't be both!" |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,LynnH Date: 11 Apr 17 - 04:04 AM @ Mark Bluemel: No, with a 12 string you have to find the one string that's out and tune the other 11 to it..................... |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Mark Bluemel Date: 10 Apr 17 - 05:58 AM Q: How do you get two piccolos to play in unison? A: Shoot one player! |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Snuffy Date: 10 Apr 17 - 05:07 AM The definition of a minor second: 2 violas playing in unison. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Mark Bluemel Date: 10 Apr 17 - 04:23 AM Andy7 - I thought that was specific to 12-string players... (A friend claims that if condemned to execution his last request would be a 12-string guitar and time to tune it perfectly!) On a similar front Q: How long does it take to tune a hammered dulcimer? A: It's too soon to tell, but research is continuing... |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Andy7 Date: 09 Apr 17 - 06:02 AM Guitarists spend half of their time tuning up ... and the other half playing out of tune. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Mark Clark Date: 08 Apr 17 - 05:29 PM I remember reading somewhere, maybe here, that a great many of the musician/instrument jokes we hear today were originally viola/violist jokes. There was evidently a time when violinists who weren't cutting it were given a viola and sent back a couple of rows as the parts were much less challenging. Q: How does a concert master keep his priceless violin from being stolen? A: He keeps it in a viola case. - Mark |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Jack Campin Date: 08 Apr 17 - 03:23 PM Three girlfriends of an orchestral brass section are comparing notes. The trumpeter's girlfriend says "his lips squeeze so hard my mouth bleeds afterwards'. The trombonists's says "it isn't his lips, but god does his tongue go a long way down my throat". The hornplayer's girlfriend says "his kiss isn't anything special, but the way he holds me..." |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Phil Cooper on smart phone Date: 08 Apr 17 - 09:18 AM A soprano is making love with her saxophone playing boyfriend and realizes she has forgotten to use her birth control. She says, "honey, you better pull out now." He says, "why? Am I sharp?" |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Mr Red Date: 08 Apr 17 - 02:42 AM coriander - can't see the issue! It's Marmite that is the binary comparison. the difference between a Hurdy Gurdy and a buzz saw - vibrato. the difference between a drummer and a drum seat - the drum seat only has to support one bum. how many basses to change a light bulb? As many as you want - You can never find enough basses. I believe sopranos are the equivalent of blonde/Essex jokes. This is the comparison with your neighbour syndrome - Irish jokes - see Polac, Hungarian/Latvian/Polish/etc v Russia, Russia v Belarus, French v Belgium, NZ v Oz (mostly one way), Swedes v Norwegian, Canadian v Newfie, Nigerian v Biafran. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Dave Hunt Date: 07 Apr 17 - 06:44 AM Mysha, Cilantro= Coriander |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Mysha Date: 06 Apr 17 - 08:01 PM Hi, What are cilantro? It would appear musicians that can play too intrusive to be ignored are a source for such jokes: Playing the banjo, highland pipes, bones. Bye Mysha |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Georgiansilver Date: 06 Apr 17 - 05:56 AM In the Folk music competition,the overly dressed man in a tuxedo and bow tie, took his mint condition Stradivarius from it's top of the range case and played a beautiful tune... but very badly. The next violinist came up. He wore a mid range suit and cheap shoes and opened his mid range case to remove a perfectly serviceable mid range violin. He also started to play a beautiful tune but just as badly as the first man. The last man, clad in tatty trousers with frayed bottoms, a jacket with holes in, no shoes but socks with holes in, took his battered case and opened it, to pull out a poor quality violin which had one string missing. He produced a bow which had obviously seen better days and applied roisin to the strings. But.......... when he started to play........... it's obvious really isn't it...... He was as bad if not worse than the other two. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: BobL Date: 06 Apr 17 - 04:25 AM On the melodeon or bodhran, it's relatively easy to reach a passably mediocre standard of performance (playing them well is another matter), hence the abundance of mediocre players. The same may be true of hammer dulcimers - don't know about banjos or piano accordions. Highland bagpipes have their own peculiar scale, which sounds out-of-tune by standards of conventional Western music. Most of us, therefore, can't tell if they're being played well or not. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Acorn4 Date: 05 Apr 17 - 05:02 PM Hurdy Gurdy - you spend half an hour tuning it and end up with something sounding like a wasp stuck in a kazoo. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST Date: 05 Apr 17 - 03:23 PM Instrument joke page @ MIT |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,Jon Date: 05 Apr 17 - 02:41 PM "I thought the jokers were the people who owned the banjos and squeezeboxes! " As a tenor banjo player and still a (rarely "played") Honer Erica owner I resemble that remark... -;) |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Merritt Date: 05 Apr 17 - 02:36 PM Altho I'm not really answering your question, Roger. "What makes some instruments rather than others the butt of jokes?" I just don't know. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Merritt Date: 05 Apr 17 - 02:33 PM Our oldest daughter played the highland pipes for about a decade, marched in a regional pipe and drum band until she went off to college. The pipes seem to attract a lot of the usual instrument jokes + those that apply to loud instruments. My impression, after hanging out at soooo many parades and festivals, is that that people aren't indifferent regarding the pipes. They're like, um, cilantro, and folks either love em or hate em. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: GUEST,LynnH Date: 05 Apr 17 - 01:27 PM Well, playing/trying to play the english constant screamer ought to be a good way of staving off Alzheimer's / Dementia.......... |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Jack Campin Date: 05 Apr 17 - 12:00 PM Somewhere in the writings of the 17th century Ottoman traveller Evliya Çelebi, he reports that the tanbur (a banjo-like instrument, which he played himself and which I've just started learning) was the favourite instrument in Sodom and Gomorrah. The Pictish Lethendy stone in Perthshire has a famous picture featuring a harpist and a triple pipe player. It has been suggested that this was an early version of the "welcome to heaven, here's your harp... welcome to hell, here's your accordion" joke. |
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Subject: RE: Instrument-specific jokes From: Steve Shaw Date: 05 Apr 17 - 11:49 AM I thought the jokers were the people who owned the banjos and squeezeboxes! |
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Subject: Instrument-specific jokes From: Roger the Skiffler Date: 05 Apr 17 - 11:23 AM At the risk of opening a can of worms...Poor old banjos and squeezeboxes come in for some stick from jokers, so far washboard players seem exempt, although proper drummers think we're thimble-minded. What makes some instruments rather than others the butt of jokes? Viola players get picked on in classical circles. RtS |
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