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BS: stay afloat while others don't

keberoxu 27 Feb 20 - 06:29 PM
Mrrzy 27 Feb 20 - 10:47 AM
keberoxu 27 Feb 20 - 10:02 AM
Helen 26 Feb 20 - 07:16 PM
mg 26 Feb 20 - 04:44 PM
Senoufou 26 Feb 20 - 03:09 PM
keberoxu 26 Feb 20 - 02:35 PM
Mrrzy 26 Feb 20 - 08:42 AM
Senoufou 26 Feb 20 - 06:31 AM
Senoufou 25 Feb 20 - 12:54 PM
keberoxu 24 Feb 20 - 07:37 PM
keberoxu 23 Feb 20 - 12:57 PM
keberoxu 21 Feb 20 - 03:28 PM
keberoxu 19 Feb 20 - 03:02 PM
keberoxu 14 Feb 20 - 07:33 PM
Steve Shaw 14 Feb 20 - 07:22 PM
Steve Shaw 14 Feb 20 - 07:14 PM
Donuel 14 Feb 20 - 02:46 PM
keberoxu 14 Feb 20 - 02:00 PM
Senoufou 11 Feb 20 - 06:55 PM
keberoxu 11 Feb 20 - 04:00 PM
keberoxu 08 Feb 20 - 09:44 AM
Senoufou 06 Feb 20 - 01:53 PM
keberoxu 06 Feb 20 - 01:46 PM
Donuel 28 Jan 20 - 08:11 PM
Steve Shaw 28 Jan 20 - 02:33 PM
keberoxu 28 Jan 20 - 02:23 PM
keberoxu 27 Jan 20 - 11:18 AM
Steve Shaw 26 Jan 20 - 09:07 PM
keberoxu 26 Jan 20 - 04:43 PM
Steve Shaw 25 Jan 20 - 06:16 PM
keberoxu 25 Jan 20 - 03:54 PM
wysiwyg 09 Oct 18 - 07:41 AM
Senoufou 09 Oct 18 - 04:35 AM
keberoxu 08 Oct 18 - 08:01 PM
Senoufou 10 Sep 18 - 04:02 AM
Stilly River Sage 09 Sep 18 - 09:44 PM
keberoxu 09 Sep 18 - 06:22 PM
wysiwyg 21 Aug 18 - 09:10 AM
Mr Red 21 Aug 18 - 08:51 AM
keberoxu 20 Aug 18 - 05:06 PM
wysiwyg 20 Aug 18 - 04:55 PM
keberoxu 20 Aug 18 - 02:02 PM
Joe_F 18 Jun 18 - 08:51 PM
Charmion 18 Jun 18 - 10:17 AM
keberoxu 16 Jun 18 - 01:59 PM
GUEST, member as guest, don't want to get sued 15 Jun 18 - 08:03 PM
keberoxu 15 Jun 18 - 06:31 PM
keberoxu 05 Jun 18 - 02:13 PM
keberoxu 03 Jun 18 - 03:28 PM

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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Feb 20 - 06:29 PM

That local psychiatrist turns out to have served two purposes.
The clinic asked me to meet with said psychiatrist so as to
give "clinical context" to admissions about me, which was done.

Turns out the other way that the psychiatrist was important,
was to contact my insurance, as a provider, and to help insurance determine
how much I needed treatment.
The letter (from the clinic) was formally delivered to me this week,
saying that the insurance would accept the treatment thing.
This means a high deductible and subsequent co-pay.
Without the psychiatrist contacting my insurance as a provider,
I'm not certain how acceptable the insurance would have found this.

So that is good news.
Oh, the shower -- somebody finally solved the mystery.
The thing that determines cold and hot water, and the mix, in the shower,
was installed backwards.
When that happens, the lever cannot just be adjusted the way one does, by turning to hot water and then easing away from it in order to include enough cool water so as not to get burned.
In this case, you have to stand there wiggling the lever back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, and eventually
the shower will cough up some warmth --
but not with the lever in the conventional hot-water position ...

it seems like a dirty trick.
I guess it's just what happens.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Feb 20 - 10:47 AM

Sounds like progress on several fronts... And backs, and (never mind)!


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Feb 20 - 10:02 AM

Ah, community living. As disclosed in a previous post,
my shared hallway bathroom
has hot water at the sink
and cold water, only, in the shower (no tub).

Around the corner and down another hallway in the same wing,
is another shared bathroom.
Thus, I finally have clean damp hair because I ventured to
a different communal bathroom than the one designated for my room.

Furthermore, the question from the nursing care coordinator:
Why didn't XYZ across the hall from you,
whose room is the other designated room to share that one bathroom,
complain about the lack of hot water in the shower before you did?
"Well," I said,
"maybe he knew the shower had no warm water and so
he just went and showered in that other bathroom around the corner
and didn't say anything to anybody about it..."

... it's called examined living. Literally: Examined Living.
Anyway, the care coordinators were formally informed by me that
this bathroom has no hot water in the shower, and
an order has now been filled out and submitted. Sigh.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Helen
Date: 26 Feb 20 - 07:16 PM

keberoxu, I missed this thread and another kind Mudcatter recommended it to me.

I knew from other threads that you have been stressed but now I know why.

I second what Mrrzy said. Look after yourself first and then decide whether to share your concern with others, if they are open to your gift of caring. If they aren't and have proven that they on their own destructive path, then be proud of yourself for trying but walk firmly away.

I am so glad that you are now in the right place to find a more healing and peaceful self.

Helen


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: mg
Date: 26 Feb 20 - 04:44 PM

Sounds good. I had not been following your thread. It is good that you got or are getting help. I wish everyone could.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 26 Feb 20 - 03:09 PM

I'm a great believer in the restorative powers of a really good night's sleep, so I'm glad to hear you've been getting lots of shut-eye.
Could you maybe wash your hair in the washbasin? (If you have fairly short hair, it might be possible)
You sound so sensible and positive keb, keep on keeping on!


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Feb 20 - 02:35 PM

From that there clinic:
We just had us a fire drill.
Thankfully no rain was coming down; it has rained, so everything underfoot was mud and muck. But nothing falling at that moment, so we stood out in front of the big residence while staff counted heads, and then they let us back in. The fire drill is monthly, and once all of us are outside the building, they work really fast to get us back inside.

Talking of wet, maybe in the near future, the shower will have warm water. My hair wants washing because the shower had nothing but cold water and I chickened out. So of course I reported it. Not a private bathroom, a shared one on the hall; the sink has hot water, but not the shower. At first I wondered if this was on purpose -- would you call that paranoid? Well, this building is remarkably elderly, although on the inside it shows every sign of having been thoroughly overhauled and renovated.

Yesterday it was all that I could do to stay awake, but I managed. A complete physical exam was required, and the very thorough physician thinks that an order for testing for sleep apnea is in order. No rush, but eventually. Sleeping well at night for all that, and every night of better sleep helps matters a little more.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mrrzy
Date: 26 Feb 20 - 08:42 AM

Just saw this. Re your original post, good for you for putting on your own oxygen mask before trying to help your relatives. All the best in your patient-ce!


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 26 Feb 20 - 06:31 AM

Did you sleep well keberoxu? I expect you're quite busy today with interviews and consultations etc.
Still thinking of you and wishing you well.
Eliza


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 25 Feb 20 - 12:54 PM

I just wanted to wish dear keberoxu a very good outcome to her long-term stay in the clinic, and to hope that things are going well there.
I'm sure everyone here is wishing you well keb, and sending you lots of good vibes.
Keep a-troshing gel!
Eliza


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 Feb 20 - 07:37 PM

This post comes from the room that has computers for the patients ... adjacent to a sort of community center, and also connected to the big residence for the in-patient population with its private rooms and dining area and nurses' station.

I am IN. All the way IN.
I got run off my feet today! So many appointments and consultations.
So much paperwork and forms to sign. Told the same histories about four or five times to four or five different professionals.

Upon arrival, one is escorted to a private room that will only be home/sleeping for a few days, they call these admission rooms. So one starts there. I got a corner room! It's a little cell of a room,
but being on the corner it has got TWO, count 'em, TWO windows!
The shared bathroom is in the hall just outside.

Two delicious meals (ate breakfast before showing up at the clinic).
I didn't see the entire physical plant/campus but I saw too much as it was!
And there are patient handbooks, and regulations, and ever so much to read...
a complete physical exam tomorrow.
And I met too many fellow patients, how will I ever remember names?

Before the weekend, if I heard right, I will be assigned a room in a different wing of the big residence, and that will be my room throughout the prolonged evaluation period.
What I didn't get much of today, it is yet to come,
is a sense of the patient community, as this is an extremely community-oriented treatment clinic. That is a little daunting. To be a newbie, fitting in ... maybe a lot of acquaintances, maybe a friendship, and then all these group meetings ( not on the first-day patient agenda), they happen every week. I'm as nervous as I would be about an audition in my misspent youth.
Staff are terrific, the consults are hard work and reassuring at the same time.
Can hardly believe I'm here.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Feb 20 - 12:57 PM

Tomorrow is admission day.
There is a retrograde of Mercury in effect at the moment;
this happens about three times every year.
When it happens, the best laid plans gang aft agley.
So one has to be prepared and flexible.
My hotel reservation, for instance, got all miscommunicated,
but something got worked out patiently at the front desk.

I can't think what else to say in this post.
Such a big thing is ahead.
If it flops I will take it rather hard.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Feb 20 - 03:28 PM

On the road, about to check in, settle in for the night,
eventually a light supper near the hotel.
I haven't got enough luggage.
I have more than enough to put in the luggage,
but I haven't enough luggage.
So my poor car has all my suitcases and tote bags
along with some loosely packed stuff.

Whom am I kidding?
Something or other is always missed, regardless
of what does get packed and trucked with.

I can hardly imagine what is ahead next week.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Feb 20 - 03:02 PM

The other shoe dropped today, it seems.

Just got off the telephone with the admissions department at the center.
They expect me, packed and ready to check in,
first thing this coming Monday morning!
Reality check!

Don't want to jinx myself by saying this, but
once I agreed to the concession (business metaphor, it stinks really)
of the extra expense of time and money that goes with
a series of consultations with a well-connected local psychiatrist
(nice person, by the way -- made the experience downright pleasant),
so as to supply this clinic/center with the needed "clinical context",
once that was done and in place,
everything moved rapidly and smoothly.

Even the weather is improving for my solitary drive from my home
to the clinic.
I'm going to break the drive into two bits, as I'm able to make reservations to stay the night in places.
The first part of the trip, I will make Friday as everything is closing down late in the day. Stay overnight en route.
Then check out Saturday morning, drive the rest of the way,
and on Saturday at check-in time
I will be, God willing, at a hotel convenient to the clinic.
Check in for two nights, so I will have all of Sunday in town.
Ready to check out good and early on Monday.

Unless something unforeseen surprises me or changes my plans:
Monday morning I will be parked at the clinic, and show up PROMPTLY
for an in-person tour, which tour is always held at a set time and they don't wait for latecomers.
From the tour to the physician's office for the admissions interview.
Lunch break in the dining area for the in-patient, er, patients, which means with attending nurses
(the nurses join patients for EVERY meal if I read right).
By this time some decision will have been reached regarding admissions.
Presuming that all systems are go,
the admissions consultant tells me on the phone
that "the treatment starts right away"
and I will be kept busy all the rest of the day
after checking in.
Sounds like one hits the ground running here.

I ran through all sorts of questions on the phone today,
everything from having my mail forwarded,
to, what nutritional supplements (like my anti-osteoporosis minerals)
am I permitted with in-patient status,
what about insurance pre-certification ...
is there a patient kitchen where
I can put a bottle of unfiltered apple juice
(labeled with my name on it) in the patient refrigerator (yes there is) ...

well, I can't say how far this is going to go,
but it will be an adventure at least. A big step, hopefully forward.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Feb 20 - 07:33 PM

I remember that post!   
I hope olddude is thriving.
It's the Gnu I'm worried about.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 14 Feb 20 - 07:22 PM

Damn! I was looking at the wrong end of the list of posts. I was responding to something that old dude posted in April '17...

Howya, Dan!


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 14 Feb 20 - 07:14 PM

Just leave your huntin' rifle at home, Dan... :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Feb 20 - 02:46 PM

Reaching delta sleep is restorative to the body and mind.
Some antidepressants interfere with reaching delta states.
In general, antidepressants tend to suppress REM sleep and increase the time taken to enter REM sleep. ... In some studies, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), like sertraline and fluoxetine, have been shown to disturb/fragment sleep.


Its up to you to tinker or rely on nature


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 Feb 20 - 02:00 PM

The packet was delivered in the mail today.
Still don't have a firm date from this clinic.
The cover letter says that the clinic,
having put me on the waiting list,
is "waiting for an opening."

So, waiting for the other shoe to drop, I suppose.

I am trawling the world wide web looking for
info in layman's language about this particular place.
It has been around for a number of generations, it isn't new.
And info is thin on the ground, for obvious reasons of confidentiality.

It is not difficult, however,
to find sensational things about this place;
comes with the territory.
At the very least, there has been
change and upheaval, and occasional scandal.
It would be imprudent to repeat the stuff here,
but it has been interesting to search and to look at these accounts.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 11 Feb 20 - 06:55 PM

Hope you don't have too long to wait keberoxu. Not sleeping well can be so difficult, and affects one's daily life.
We're all here for you, and thinking of you, please be sure of that!
Eliza x


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Feb 20 - 04:00 PM

On the waiting list! And a packet expected in the mail.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Feb 20 - 09:44 AM

The application process has moved forward.
With "clinical context" from a local psychiatrist as input,
the center/clinic has enough information
to consider the in-person interview appointment.
I am advised, by the psychiatrist
(a former Fellow in the fellowship program at the Center,
so has worked there and been trained there),
that the in-person visit goes on for a whole day
and can be "rather tiring."

To be continued.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 Feb 20 - 01:53 PM

keberoxu, I do hope you can indeed work through this. I'm sorry you're 'not feeling too cracky' as we say in Norfolk. It's hard to keep going and get motivated when one is depressed. (My niece has this problem)
Sending you loads of kind thoughts.
(And dew yew keep a-troshing gel!)


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Feb 20 - 01:46 PM

Belated thanks, Donuel,
for passing on katlaughing's welcome to you when
you were a Mudcat newbie like myself.

Gotta watch my physical/lifestyle symptoms and presentation these days.
It's much much more difficult,
in the past week,
to go to sleep at night
or to get out of bed in the morning --
with a clinical-depression diagnosis,
these are always warning signs.

Can I be motivated to move through the resistance
and work with greater dedication toward recovery?


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Jan 20 - 08:11 PM

You sound like an avid reader keb. What motivated you to read?
As a child did you ever invent a language of your own?
Are you good at math?
How did you do in geometry?


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 28 Jan 20 - 02:33 PM

Good luck.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 28 Jan 20 - 02:23 PM

Beginning the process of application for
admission to treatment.
No, I'm not in crisis, nor am I suicidal.

But I have spent years maintaining on anti-depressant meds,
and if not going downhill,
then have got stuck.
May go downhill if I don't have help getting unstuck.

the place to which am applying is a really good institution.
That means much preparation is in order.
Their admissions dept needs input from
the physician who writes the prescription for my anti-depressants.
They want to hear from my former counselor, and more:
Since my counselor has more experience than clinical credentials,
I have agreed to consult someone in my area with
really heavy accreditation --
have now met with this person three times,
must return for one more consult.
Then this professional will contact admissions
with "clinical context" about the applicant, me.   
Also this latter professional had a fellowship years ago
at this particular center, and knows how the place functions,
not the case with my former counselor.

I anticipate an ordeal; having said that, what is one more?


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 Jan 20 - 11:18 AM

Mudcat member michaelr pointed out -- not in an aggressive way,
just stating the facts --
that my posts/threads have the quality of
someone talking to themselves,
and yes, it did strike a nerve.

The point, as usual, was valid and well taken, regardless.
It must have come as little surprise to michaelr when
my response to his statement
completely proved his point,
demonstrating that interactions with others
expose all my lacks, shortcomings, and character defects.
In short, michaelr was / is right about me.

That's the most I can offer at this point.
If I make any progress,
most likely others will see it before I see it.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 26 Jan 20 - 09:07 PM

I've never needed an attorney. Maybe that's the thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Jan 20 - 04:43 PM

My attorney once brought up the subject of survivors' guilt,
or is it survivor's guilt,
and she might have a point there.

Until recently I would have denied this,
however it wants looking at, I suspect.

A lot of presumptions give way with careful consideration.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 25 Jan 20 - 06:16 PM

Yeah, right.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Jan 20 - 03:54 PM

It would have been a better option, this year,
to revive my old thread
and keep the focus on my feelings and my coping strategies,
rather than open a new thread
about the external stimuli which trigger same.
Too late to take that back,
however the new thread can be released to
its inevitable outcome,
while the coping and the triggers are considered here instead.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 Oct 18 - 07:41 AM

I agree.

It sometimes happens that a toxic person's life deals them (out of your vision) just the right lesson that they needed to find their way to health. They often then have a desire to make amends-- before realizing their need may cause more harm than balm.

It's important to remember that, in the event that is ever their intention-- however grand that might be FOR THEM-- they can never catch up to where you've had to grow. They can never be a partner in any kind of relationship until your own healing is complete and, even then, it can never be close to equal. Their next (healthiest) step will always be to hear "no".

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 09 Oct 18 - 04:35 AM

Oh well done keberoxu! It's the only way forward - refusing to engage or accept any contact by any means whatsoever.
It is indeed passive-aggressive, and just their way of rattling your cage.
You've done the right thing in my humble opinion.
Stay strong and don't waiver. They'll get the message eventually.
Dew yew keep a-troshing mawther!


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Oct 18 - 08:01 PM

I owe you all an update. Thanks for the encouraging responses.

Nothing has arrived in the mail from the person in question.

There was one other thing I did. Didn't tell you about it before now.

Recently, I heard from the bank administrator who
had e-mailed me about my relative.
I mentioned this a few posts back on this thread.

It turned out, that the relative I am talking about
did not want to send anything to me directly
( and with reason, as I have done
Return To Sender with this relative in years past,
so the relative knows to expect this from me)

so the relative, or maybe it was the relative's representative,
contacted this banker and asked if
the banker would ask me if it was all right
if the relative sent me something through the financial institution.

So we are getting more and more indirect and passive/aggressive here,
I guess.

Accordingly,
I sent an e-mail, not long ago,
to the bank officer who has been politely sending me e-mails.
And I said:

Look, I have no idea what my relative wants to send me.
I know nothing about the contents, and to me
the contents are no big deal anyhow.
But I have this to warn you about, I said to the officer:
I am aware that this relative has a certain intent,
and the person intends me no good.
There has been contact a while back that was respectful,
and the content was all right.
But recently my relative has had a change of intent
and now it is about manipulating and power plays.

I concluded my message to the bank officer saying,
I reckon that you all would rather not get pulled into the middle
of all this anyway.
I have yet to contact my legal counsel about this;
I am just telling you what I know
and what I expect here.
I am prepared to go
to the postal inspector and/or the authorities
should you ship/pass along something to me
in which no good is intended, and that I object to.


So. I did all that, since my last post to this thread ...

the bank officer did not send a response e-mail...

and nothing has shown up in the post.

Maybe it is safe to exhale?
Thanks for letting me talk about this.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Senoufou
Date: 10 Sep 18 - 04:02 AM

I agree Stilly.
Don't engage keberoxu, protect yourself and return the thing unopened, or sling it in the dustbin.
Sending you strong and steady thoughts!


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 09 Sep 18 - 09:44 PM

"Refused, return to sender" is an excellent way to deliver a message. I've used it a couple of times myself.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Sep 18 - 06:22 PM

The drama plods on. I'm keeping my head down as much as I can,
and keeping myself to myself.

A warning came my way, though, that
I can expect something in the post.
And it is going to be a passive-aggressive gesture.

In the past I have literally done
"refused, return to sender" with mail from this person.
May have to do it again -- since I know better than to touch it,
whatever it is.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: wysiwyg
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 09:10 AM

Keb--

Not saying it IS borderline personality disorder. Def not saying you should allow closer contact or try to help. But you may be able to glean more possible self care strategies among links here:


Google search: borderline personality family coping


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Mr Red
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 08:51 AM

keberoxu
You are not your brothers' keeper.

Even with a strong will and stamina you can't help people who don't want help. Or worse, they accept help and misuse it, and sap what energy you have.

As one ex-girlfriend pointed out to me people gravitate towards the familiar. Your task is to recognise when your familiar is beneficial or otherwise.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 05:06 PM

looked where?


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 04:55 PM

Have you looked at how family of borderline personality folks stay afloat? That pattern sounds quite familiar; it can absorb everything if you allow it to capture your boundaries.

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 02:02 PM

Thankfully, the relative with the Ecstasy/MDMA and its consequences
has been preoccupied with I-don't-care-what-else
and so I am not the focus of that relative's attention.

The relative turning my way now
is the drama queen who periodically threatens that
they don't think they can live with the way that things are anymore.

The signals coming my way are
"no more mister nice guy."
Like I ought to be surprised?
It is typical of this relative
to put noisy threats out.

Earlier this month,
an exchange of e-mails took place
between me and a bank administrator,
all very civil and no resistance or hostility.
But the e-mails did reference the operatic relative
who did not make direct contact with me.

"Periodic" is the clearest way I can describe the pattern
that has been established for these behaviors.
There will be a temporary period of intense attention-seeking
and when the period inevitably ends,
an indefinite period of silence.
This alternating pattern has been maintained
for a good thirty years.

The signs are that the moment has arrived
for some more passive-aggressive hostilities.

My own conclusion is that peace is the thing, at this point,
for which sacrifices and efforts are worthwhile.
The old relationship, on the other hand,
is not worth fighting for.

Thanks for listening.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Joe_F
Date: 18 Jun 18 - 08:51 PM

In my experience, depression pretty much coincides with contact with reality. Sure, it's "chemical" -- so is being sober.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: Charmion
Date: 18 Jun 18 - 10:17 AM

How ghastly, Incog. The Internet has plenty of unsolicited advice that is worth precisely as much as you pay for it -- i.e., nothing. But it is so hard to ignore, especially when introduced with belittling remarks such as "Get over yourself."


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 Jun 18 - 01:59 PM

Mudcat Member Incognito/a,
this is a good place for support when needed.


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Subject: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: GUEST, member as guest, don't want to get sued
Date: 15 Jun 18 - 08:03 PM

Someone today on facebook posted a meme with remarks adding up to "get over yourself and get back on speaking terms with your family." If the person who posted that knew how long we struggled before we realized the only way to stay safe was to stop talking to a particularly toxic family member, they'd understand how naive that meme is.

We literally feared for our lives. He seems to be okay with the general public and he positively dotes on little old ladies (perhaps because they give him money and are classic enablers) but there are family members who know full well that if this sib had a gun handy during one of his outbursts he'd likely kill someone. Probably one of us. We struggled to keep him from claiming any handguns or other firearms from family estates. He is banned from most regional gambling casinos, and we hope his instability has him on a mental health watchlist. Any time there is a story of a stalker shooting in that part of the country I hold my breath until I learn it wasn't this brother. This time. Family members breathe easier when they learn that this brother hasn't been informed about a wedding or reunion.

I'm taking advantage of a mod's willingness to move this in order to post these remarks anonymously. All these years later I know that my disturbed but very smart sibling is probably trying to see if any of us says anything negative about him. So I say it in a way he can't find.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 15 Jun 18 - 06:31 PM

At this unusual resort,
there are social workers and psychotherapists on staff.
A social worker graciously agreed to a consult for me,
we spoke this morning; a positive, validating experience.

I went into detail, as much as I could,
about the relative who abuses - or could be past tense, abused - Ecstasy.

And the social worker, whose curriculum vitae includes treatment centers,
confirmed that Ecstasy affects that part of the brain
that contains L-dopamine.
And guess what … Ecstasy doesn't increase the L-dopamine, it depletes the L-dopamine.
The social worker went on to tell me --
this is how ignorant I am --
that the amount of L-dopamine a person has
is a limited amount to begin with.

So Ecstasy is capable of taking away the little that one has.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Jun 18 - 02:13 PM

That is really sweet of you Acme
but my layover on the way back
-- since I'm flying on Delta airlines --
is Atlanta, not Dallas.


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Subject: RE: BS: stay afloat while others don't
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Jun 18 - 03:28 PM

Aww, Acme, how sweet of you.
And such good news that you are now owned by three dogs again.

One branch of my family is from Washington State.
I don't know where in the state they lived,
before they moved to Whidbey Island.
I visited there once, when the older ones were still living.
Most likely wouldn't go back.

I'll be here for a good two weeks
and I wonder if Senator McCain will last that long.
He's putting up quite the fight, it must be said.


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