How do you feel about Christmas?

Subject: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: MTed
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 11:34 AM

Tomorrow is my birthday, and I am feeling old--and owing to the fact that it is December, I am reminded also of Christmas, which for me, has never been that good a holiday--

My family have always been decent--no drunken father setting fire to the Christmas tree stories, no stories about mother prostituting her self to buy pathetic little presents that melted when they got wet--but for some reason, the season has always been joyless and depressing for me--

Perhaps it is because I grew up in a cold, grey, midwestern factory town, where the sun rarely shined and when it did, you were depressed by what it was shining on--

perhaps it was because we lived in the fattest state in the union, and the idea of another fat man coming around was not that appealing, even if he was dressed in red--

On the other hand, it might have been because my mom tended to buy us broken toys because they were cheaper--I just don't know--

So tell me, am I alone?(even the Jewish kids I grew up with liked Christmas better than I did) Maybe some of you have uplifting Christmas recollections that will put me in my place as a Christmas Humbug--or maybe some others will tell me where they hide the Prozac so there will be some left after the presents are all opened on Christmas morning--

Gotta go now, I need to replace the battery in my "Grinch" watch--

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Patrish(inactive)
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 11:56 AM

I am not keen on Christmas myself, but my kids love it. I have five children so all the rushing round buying gifts is quite a task. But every year my kids tell that this has been the best ever christmas.
I always feel over emotional - crying at adverts on the TV, it all becomes a bit too much for me. I'm a big softie ,BR> Patrish

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Wesley S
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 12:09 PM

I guess I'm luckier than most. What helps me get in the spirit is doing something for others. About a week ago I was able to play Santa for some kids from a local housing project. { Hey - if the suit fits - wear it } They always blow me away with their unselfish attitudes compared with the children of some of my more affluent friends. All of them asked for only one toy { Pokeman and Barbies}. One asked for a puppy, and one asked if she could move to Oklahoma so her father could come to visit her. And another girl said that all she wanted was for her whole family to have a good Christmas { "excuse me little girl - Santa has to go cry now" }. Most of the kids knew I was a chubby yuppie in a red velvet suit but about a dozen of them knew that I was the real Santa. And for and hour or so I was. Shades of Miracle on 34th Street.

If I was to be presumptuous enough to offer advice it would be that there are always people less fortunate than you and if you find and help them out in some way that you will feel better about yourself - if that's your goal.

I wish I could remember the name of the elderly african american lady who passed away recently. She gave most of her money away for scholarship funds. She was quoted as saying something like - If you want to have self esteem - do things you can be proud of.

The other thing I remind myself of when I get a case of the "gimmes" at Christmas was something I heard in a meeting "Expectations are just premeditated resentments"

I hope this hasn't sounded too preachy. This might not be what you are after. If all else fails watch "It's a Wonderful Life"

Merry Christmas - and if no one else today has told that they love you - I do {and I don't even know you}

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Mbo
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 12:10 PM

A fellow student in figure drawing class said "I hate Christmas!" and another student responded "Yeah, well Christmas hates you too!" Personally, I love Christmastime, but the end of the year is rather sad. I wish it was autumn and winter all year...

--Mbo

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: annamill
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 12:24 PM

Wow. This is going to open some doors.. I guess to some, Christmas is a very religious time and if that gives you the joy then it's wonderful I was religious once, but I always had my suspicions, so the joy in Christmas, for me, is not in religion. The joy of Christmas for me is in family and friends. Born in an Italian family, we always enjoyed large joyous celebrations with family we hadn't seen all year, sometimes, not for years. The woman would cook an overabundance of food. My Uncle would bring out this years stock of wine. My Aunt made anisette cookies. My Grandmother made Anisette ;-) We laughed and teased each other. My mother and father, no matter what financial or family problems we were having, always made sure we children (4 of us) had just about everything we had asked for. There were times when we had great pain in our family, but never at this time.

When I grew and had my own family, I made sure we had the same joy in our home. Friends were always inviteed over and my childrens friends were always invited to our house. Even when our family split and it was a sad time, I always encouraged my children to enjoy the time with their father.

As I grew even older and my children grew up and away, we still come together to enjoy this time. I make sure my house is filled with abundance, joy, laughter, and love. The challange (and it isn't always easy) is to try to maintain some of that during the rest of the year. I guess this is my religion, and it is what I mean when I say I enjoy life.

Let me take this opportunity to wish this abundance, joy, and love to everyone one of you during these holidays, no matter what they mean to you.

Love, annap

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 12:25 PM

Those infernal keepers of statistics agree with you Ted. The holidays in general are EXTREMELY difficult for many folks. Since we're coming up to 2000 (a totally man-invented number) it's been ten times worse for a lot of folks who have fallen into apocalyptic theology. I've seen plenty of good folks trying to fend off (perceived) isolation lately. I sure don't have the answers (I'm better at questions anyway) but for a lot of years I would take the guitar and banjo and head off to the Harbourlight mission, Sunnybrook Hospital (lots of war vets) and any other place where some tunes might help.
Every Dec. 25 Heather and I have a gang of 12 or so folks over to share Christmas with us. It's pretty secular, cause we're agnostic, and half the group is Jewish, but there's no question that we feel very thankful to have a modest roof over our heads, and good folks to share it. Lots don't, and lots of them lost their homes through nothing more than bad luck.
One of the good things for me has been the discovery of Mudcat, and even though I've been too busy lately to do my usual hour per day, I know that it abounds with kind folks.
By the way, one of those new friends, Jeri, is coming ALL the way from New England to share Christmas with us. Now THAT'S neat!
Rick

Subject: Humbug!
From: IceWolf
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 12:26 PM

I'm reminded of Tom Lehrer's Christmas song at this time every year. Glitter, glitz, and commercialism have taken over the season to the detriment of anything else.

My kids (I'm a non-custodial parent) sent me lists of all the things they want for Christmas this year. Grand total: $400.00 or so each. Will they send me a thank-you note? Not bloody likely. Instead I'll get a phone-call whining about what they didn't get.

Bah! Humbug!

--IceWolf (who celebrates the Solstice rather than Christmas anyway)

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 12:30 PM

At this dark time of the year Christmas can bring out the best and worst in us. When I remember the ultimate message of peace on earth, goodwill to all, and like Wesley look for ways to help others, Christmas joy burns brightly. But when I get caught up in the desperate search for the right present for Uncle So-and-so, and find myself worrying about when am I ever going to get this or that task accomplished- then Christmas becomes a chore. The lights in the darkness and the chance to perform beautiful music that is only heard at this time of year bring me back, and the joy my kids still have as we do each ritual act, from setting up the tree and the creche to baking the Christmas cookies, teaching the recipe to my daughter that I got from my mother's mother's mother- then I have to admit that really, I'm crazy about Christmas!

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: MMario
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 12:37 PM

it's not Christmas I mind, it's the three (or more) months of crazy commercialism that lead up to it! I'm sorry, but there were christmas displays going up in some area stores the week of Labor Day this year!!!!! That's almost 4 full months prior to the day itself!

Our family tradition was always to have a minimum of fuss prior to Christmas. Decorations went up on Christmas Eve (my in-laws did it AFTER kids went to bed!) and stayed up until Epiphany.

I've mentioned before that Christmas carols and music were (and still are) forbidden in the household until after Thanksgiving...

I think a lot of the problem with Christmas these days is that after 16 weeks of media blitz, it can't help but be anti-climactic

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Mbo
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 12:39 PM

All this commercialism is ruining Christmas for me, and it continues to get worse every year. Now it's not "Merry Christmas" or even "Merry Xmas," but "Season's Greetings" and "Happy Holidays." Season's Greetings could mean any season--I could say it in summer! Some people now are even going down to just "Greetings." It's like Jackson Browne says "They've turned the nature that I worship in from a temple to a robber's den." No one on TV is allowed to say anything about religion anymore, and if they do, they are cut off or laughed at. Everyone's so bloody busy worried about not offending anyone that we're losing our heritage. Did you know that Christians are the most persecuted religion group nowadays? So in closing, like the rock band Queen says "Thank God for Christmas!"

--Mbo (from my Italo-German heritage that still believes in the real meaning of Christmas, to all you other 'Catters, Merry Christmas and HAPPY HANNUKAH!)

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Sionnach
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 12:41 PM

My attitude has ranged from "Okay, everyone, let's decorate a tree and all get in the holiday spirit" to "Maybe there's something good on TV." So this year, I and a bunch of fellow pagans are heading off to nursing homes to sing Christmas carols. I think maybe that if you want the holiday season (whichever holiday -- Solstice, Christmas, Yule, Kwaanza) to be about giving, then you have to make it so.

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Mbo
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 12:42 PM

And what other time of the year can the family all get together and bake Grandma Vincenza's cookies and listen to classic Ray Conniff Christmas records?

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Big Mick
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 12:43 PM

Yes, I have heard all of this before.......and I have fallen into both sides of the trap. I have spoken loudly about it being too commercial, and have been depressed at the strain it puts on the wallet........and despaired at my kids not having it all. I have fervently attended mass, and I have questioned the existence of Himself. But finally, in the fullness of the days, it dawned on me that all of that really doesn't really matter. In the end result, it is about celebrating the birth of a man who wished peace on earth and goodwill toward men. You may or may not believe that he was the Son of God, you may or may not believe that he died for the sins of man, you may or may not even believe that he lived at all. But the message of this man, is justice. It is peace for all of the children of this world. It is about a pretty good set of rules to live by. It is about challenging society to care about the least among us. It is about Love that is freely given. When I look around, clear away all the commercialism, and peer through the trees.........I see people, whole groups of people, trying to help out during this time. When I shut out the din, and listen to the voices of the children, then I know it is a special time, and it honors a very special life...........

All the best,

Mick

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: MMario
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 12:47 PM

I'm reminded of a Christmas party I went to a couple years ago, which included a group sitting around the fireplace and singing Christmas carols. Mostly we were singing pretty Christian-oriented religious ones. After about an hour, someone joined us and started preaching about how we shouldn't be singing such overtly Christian carols as it might be offensive to the non-christian people at the party. *grin* the beauty of it was, the person complaining and I were the only christians present at the fireplace!

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Winters Wages
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 12:48 PM

Rick..I agree with you..The Mudcat has been my friend lately..I too have taken my guitar and squeeze box and gone to the hospitals and the like..I enjoy doing that I gives you a visual and reflection on many things we think going bad for us..then you look at other people in less better circumstances/ A week or so there was a threat on the sad songs. I neglected (perhaps on purpose) not to mention Stan Rodgers' "First Christmas" I was feeling up and doing ok Last Sunday..then came that song. I don't need to tell you how I felt. It is the exact scenario of my Dad (who passed away Christmas eve) Well, I fumbled around most of the day..then for the first time I turned on to an old Mudcat Radio..your show was so easy to listen to..I felt great...then came a message I saw was posted to me from Kat (as in laughing). It felt so great knowing that some people care and listen to one another. Well I felt a little better...I can say one thing..where I work..let me say I think we probably all have it pretty good. HAPPY HOLIDAYS ONE AND ALL ! Winters Wages

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From:
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 01:27 PM

Wesley, You did just what I asked--and I appreciate it-- am not opposed to helping people, and, when I have had the chance to, I have done it, but I will tell you that the most depressing, and I mean the most depressing Holiday memories I have, come from the years that I delivered food baskets and turkeys to the "less fortunate", I saw things that would have stunned Michael Harrington--I originally did it because I was flattered that as a first time food bank volunteer, I was given what seemed like the best job--delivering the food--after that, I did it because no one else wanted to--

My favorite "client" was the surly fat woman in a Pink Muu Muu who was sitting on a dessicated naugahyde couch,smoking a cigarette and sipping a bottle of EB beer (which could be had in those days for about $2.99 a case) and watching TV when we came to the door--

She did not get up(it was not a formal visit) and, as we cowered near the door, she said, "If you think I'm gonna to kiss your asses for giving me a shitty turkey and some canned crap, you got another thing comin'"

We left quickly, and my partner, Bambi, began crying--I ended up finishing the deliveries alone--

Her spirit remained with me, perhaps on an unconscious level, through my personal most depressing Christmas, which was the year that I officially became disabled--

I had been unable to work since May, my unemployment had run out, and my social security claim had just been declined--my ten year old daughter had found a $20 dollar bill in the gutter, and it was the only money that we had for food--

The supermarket was full of holiday foods, baked goods, candy, and I was on the verge of tears, not so much because we couldn't afford it, but because holiday food is for entertaining, and I knew that no one was going to be calling on us--

A funny thing happened while I was picking out the cheapest foods I could find (dried beans, potatoes, bulk apples, yeast and flour, etc) I started to get a little smug--"The Hell with everybody!! We don't need any of that stuff, you can shove it in our faces all you want--we'll get by without it"

Of course, we did...and I can still fix a decent dinner for two for a dollar and a half (two dollars, makes it a dinner for three, and you get dessert)...

Annap--You sound like my wife, whose family apparently did have storybook Christmases, and who still tries to make them happen--

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Jeri
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 01:36 PM

Christmas has never been what "they" try to make it, whoever "they" are - it's about what's in your heart.

People who only know my situation worry about me, if they care at all. People who know me don't worry that much. I have no siblings or children, and both of my parents are gone. The first Christmas after my Mom died, I spent in Korea. My Jewish boss had everyone over for Christmas dinner. I had a great time. Since then, I've usually spent Christmas with friends. One year, I served meals at a Salvation Army shelter in downtown Washington DC. The neatest thing that happened there was when a woman from the Salvation Army sat herself down at a piano and began to sing "Stand By Me" and many folks joined in. I have spent Christmases alone at home, sometimes feeling sorry for myself. At some point, I usually realize I'm making things worse by thinking about things I lost or will never have.

My advice, to be taken with a grain of salt is:

1) Christmas has never been about what "they" try to make it. "They" can be merchants, friends, family, or co-workers. For some, it's a religious holiday, for some a gathering of friends and/or family, and for some it's just another day.

2) Don't feel guilty for not being thrilled to pieces about it if you aren't.

3) Do something. If you're alone, cook yourself a great meal, go for a walk, call someone on the phone, rent a movie, go help at serving meals somewhere, play music at a hospital, nursing home, or shelter...etc

4) If someone invites you to spend the day with them - GO!

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: MTed
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 01:40 PM

Drat--that muu muu lady, $20 grocery money story was me, and I did put my name in, it just disappeared--when I started to write it, annap was the last post, by the time I posted, there had been a doxen more posts, and all wonderful, too!!!

There are a whole range of things that come into play, from commercialism to the loss of family members--this year is especially hard for us because we lost my wife's dad this year, and he was supposed to be moving in with us at the end of the year--it is painful to watch "White Christmas" without him--

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Alice
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 02:05 PM

RE: kids and thank you notes. We don't have alot of gifts at Christmas, but since the time my son could write, I have made a tradition of thank you letters that go along with receiving gifts. We sit together and alternate opening gifts and after each gift is revealed, the thank you note to the giver is written. We talk about the friends who sent us something and we take our time appreciating the thoughtfulness.

My birthday is near Christmas, also. My parents and family forgot my birthday when I was 16. I forgot it myself when I was 28, and several times since then. I've learned not to expect anything, and I appreciate whatever good I can experience. Singing helps. Anticipating the days getting longer helps, too. So does giving food and cheer to others.

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: skarpi
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 02:17 PM

Hello all, I live In the darkness these day´s that is the day is getting shorter and shorter. Today I only have about five hour´s In daylight, and it´s getting shorter. But there is always light in the darkness. I call this christmas weekend together with all the family weekend, becouse I think this one of few weekends that they get to gether.Everyone has so little time for friends and family. My family will get together on the last day of the year, that´s it. So me and my family are gonna be alone over the christmas this year, but as I said there´s always a light In the dark.I will try to do so many think´s with my kids and my lovely wife and ofcourse no wine In my house over christmas.I know many people are alone over this weekend and I wish I could do something for them, but I am so far away from most of you, I send to you and all the rest of mudcatter´s my best whishes over the holydays. Light a candle everyone for those who are gonna be alone for the christmas time. My love to you all and may god be with you all. Skarpi Iceland.

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: MMario
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 02:58 PM

skarpi - you exemplify the spirit of christmas! May your days be long bright with song and friendship, though the sun's hours be short.

MMario

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 03:26 PM

I find the time surrounding Christmas to be terrible. I do not like being inundated with mass marketing, I hate it even more when the fad of the year is blasted in my children's faces every where they turn. I despise Christmas ads the day after Halloween, can't stand the 'my lights are bigger and brighter than your lights' mentality of a lot of people.

I do however love that once a year we can step back from our hectic schedules and get together with the people that are most important to us in a relaxed setting, have some laughs play a few tunes and celebrate family. Mine is wonderful and I don't get enough time to enjoy them in this setting. I do believe that this is what Christmas is about.

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Barbara
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 03:28 PM

One of the things that used to confuse me about Christmas was how come I was such a Grinch and got depressed instead of enjoying all the activities, and singing and parties and presents and, and ...
And then I realized my moods change with the seasons, and my body feels, in the dark and cold of the year, like it is time to hang out in the back of the cave and introspect and sit in the dark.
When I started honoring that, in a solstice ritual with a few friends and a journey into the silent places in our hearts, the whole season started making more sense.
Mind you, this is not Pagan vs Christian; it has to do with going out or going in. My spirit craves a time of contemplation by the fire, not an all out assault on the senses that happens when I go shopping. No quiet anywhere, and lots of desperation.
Taking the silence and inner time I need makes the other parts of the holiday season work so much better.
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Banjoman_CO
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 03:30 PM

Many different things are important to different people at Christmas time. For some, it is a religious time. For some it is family time. For others, it is a party time. For me, it is religious. Not so much the church activities, but thinking what the real meaning of Christmas is to ME. It is a time of giving, but not so much the giving of material things, but a giving of one's self to others. It is also fo me a family time. A time when my son comes home and we can hunt or fish for a few days. Or my daughter and her family are here. I know that many people are not religious, but I do know what God has done for me, an ex-drunk, my family, and my life. May all of the Mudcats have a very joyous holiday season and may the new millininum be a very Happy time for all. And to all, a good night. Fred.

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 04:09 PM

Jeri has made some very helpful suggestions for those of you who feel alone this Christmas.
You can be in a gathering of family & friends and still feel lonely.
If Christmas is feeling painful it is important not to feel guilty about it. It is just the way it is.
Treat yourself kindly.
And always remember you are truly loved.

Little Neo

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Bert.
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 04:56 PM

Good point BB "always remember you are truly loved." that applies to everyone here. We disagree a lot of times but really we're quite fond of each other. So if you're feeling down, at Christmas (or at any other time) just call or send a personal message to another Mudcatter. I'm usually pretty happy at Christmas time and I'm always pleased to hear the sound of my own voice;-) So I'll talk to you, even if no one else will.
SO! Love and best wishes to the whole damned lot of yer!

Bert.

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Mudjack
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 05:21 PM

A mass for Christ. Definetly a Christian time. My Christian soul yearns for the celebration for the birth of Jesus but my humanistic flesh throws me into a deep depression and maybe should do something about the "depression blues".It is the once a year time where music is not my favorite subject so I throw on a few instrumental XMAS CDs. Yes, I said XMAS and don't apologise for using the term.Our children are grown, married and getting married and I'm grateful for a lot in this world but have come to an age that family get togethers are essential to the celebration of the holidays. But living 1000 miles from siblings and our children are flashing in and out for the holidays really sparks the "dep" bug. Mrs. Mj's mom is revovering from a heart attack. We are having Christmas at our house this Saturday with our daughter and her husband. Of cousre I'm working that night.
Now are'nt you glad you asked, maybe some Mudfolks who think they have it bad can feel a little better about their season. These are my inner feelings and I know I can get well soon and perk back up when I give thought to the birth of Jesus Christ and the real meaning of Christmas. Living in the N.W. where winter days are short and dreary is likely the real depressant.
I do wish all a very warm and HAPPY HOLIDAY Season. And Happy Birthday to Jesus Christ for those who share that reason for celebrating the holidays.
Mudjack

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Mbo
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 05:36 PM

Amen, brother Mudjack! BTW the X in "Xmas" has religious connotations too...

--Mbo

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: bunkerhill
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 05:37 PM

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: lamarca
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 06:09 PM

We get so many rosy, fantasy images of what a "good" Christmas should be from the media, books and people around us, that reality has a hard time living up to the fantasy. The strain of trying to achieve a picture-book ideal of family togetherness, warmth and gaiety no matter what your actual life is like is a cause of depression and stress for lots of people.

Christmas and many other seasonal holidays were centered around the Dark Times of the year because Winter is when people begin to feel the lack of warmth and light. Yes, Christmas has religious significance to Christians, but it's in December because that's when a holiday is needed both ritually and psychologically. It's ironic that the holiday itself is now a cause of depression rather than a comfort from it.

It is wonderful that some folks are able to give of themselves by working with the homeless or singing for the elderly, but for others, the season loads them up with "shoulds" until they feel like they have no more of themselves left to give. Suggesting they should add one more obligation to their list of "Holiday Things I Should Be Doing" is liable to cause another guilt trip, rather than helping them to feel the "right" spirit of the season.

I've solved some of my holiday anxiety and winter gloom by trying to simplify where I can. I have some fun seasonal rituals that I follow, but when they start becoming burdens rather than fun, I drop them (like an all-day baking session with a friend - we'll do it again when life is less crazy and it's a fun idea, rather than an obligation). I don't travel to my parents' home every year anymore, and it seems a lot more special when I do.

Realize that we're battling Nature in this season of Darkness as best we can, with light and song and food. Ignore the little voices that say "You HAVE to send out those 57 cards to people you don't correspond with any other time." Don't worry that your home isn't a Norman Rockwell painting - it's a fantasy. Find something warm and full of light that you enjoy doing, and do it - and if you can share it with someone else, whether friends, family or the community, so much the better. Kindle a Light within yourself, whether it comes from Jesus or some other belief or faith, and build up your own reserves against the rest of the Winter, which is now going away.

Wishing all a quiet peace, warmth and light for Christmas and the Solstice.

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Mbo
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 06:21 PM

I'm not sure I understand this whole darkness with a capital D thing. It's usually an average of 55 degrees and sunny almost every day in the North Carolina wintertime. Spring here is usually lousy and overcast, quite capable of putting one in gloomy spirits. But I don't let the weather bother me that much. I have much more important things in my life than to stare out the window at the clouds and get depressed...is it Season Affect Disorder possibly?

--Mbo

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Caitrin
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 06:41 PM

I was babysitting at my church last weekend, and got dragged into the "Is there a Santa?" debate that 6-10 year olds tend to create every year. I fell firmly on the side of "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus."

I love Christmas and all the joy and excitement that I see in people in the time surrounding it. I love to see people's faces light up when my choral group goes Christmas caroling. It gives me a thrill to find "the perfect gift", a present that means something and will really excite its recipient. I love to make fudge and gingersnaps and give them to my friends and family. I love to serve on the altar for my church's Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. Christmas for me is a time of love and joy, a time of contemplation of all the wonderful blessings I have. It is a time to simply enjoy life, without the worries that plague me every day. Rather than doing so much that holiday preparations become a bother, I do just what I can. With that, I'm off to make my first batch of Christmas fudge.

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: sophocleese
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 06:43 PM

One of the best things I heard years ago about feeling blue and irritable on Christmas came in a Quaker meeting. Someone stood up and very simply said something along the lines of "As angels, animals, shepherds and wisemen all gathered around the infant Jesus, we should not be afraid to bring all of our feelings, good and bad, into the Christmas season." Trying to be happy or excited all the time, and the time is extended every year, is exhausting and can burn you out. I need quiet time and alone time or my family time disintegrates rapidly and badly.

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 07:17 PM

When I was a freshman in college, one winter night I heard Christmas carols coming from Blair Arch, a big square plaza underneath a tower, at the top of a long flight of steps. My 4th floor room looked out over the courtyard and Blair Hall, and with the snow coming down and the choir's voices drifting outward, I felt a great surge of warmth and comfort and joy. (Interesting-- those words came out spontaneously in response to the memory of the scene, with no thought of the song) I had a sense, then, that what I was hearing and feeling was not so much the Christmas spirit, which is one I had not grown up with, but the winter spirit, the knowledge that, yes, it's dark and cold, but the days will lengthen again and we will make it through to another spring, and now is the time to gather together and to celebrate our lives and the earth and everything that has brought us thus far in it.

I'm Jewish, and when I was young I was always amazed at how quickly Christmas was over after all the fanfare leading up to it. My dad used to play Christmas songs on the radio on Christmas day, because he liked them. And one of my fondest memories was another December night at college, 1972, at a tree-trimming party, stringing popcorn and hanging ornaments and singing Christmas carols far into the night, feeling right at home with my friends even though I was a little Jewish kid from Northeast Philadelphia.

This year I've already had my tough holiday. This was the first Hanukkah I've spent without my kids, because my marriage is ending and my wife and five-year-old daughter and 11-year-old stepson are in Oregon and I'm in Hawaii. So I lit the candles every night, and called often, and cried a lot. But now even as I deal with the lawyers and the anger and all the crap I thought I'd never have to go through, I feel that old spirit rise in me and I know I have a good life, a beautiful daughter, a good career, friends and music I can now start to reconnect with, and I know how to love and live. Merry Christmas, everybody, and a very happy and healthy new year.

Aloha,
Mark

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: MTed
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 07:20 PM

Caitrin,

I am sure that you have some very fine qualities of character, and I will try to overlook this--I have to say that Norman Rockwell acknoledged that his work was fantasy and not real;-)--

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Terry Allan Hall
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 07:34 PM

Every year I have the honor of playing Santa for the unfortunates that my wife's church sponsors (our marriage is a religeously "mixed" one)...as was previously noted by Wesly W., poor kids are nowhere nearly as greedy as middle class and/or wealthy children.

Last year, a little girl of about 7 asked for only one thing...her grandmother had lost her eyesight, and all this little angel wanted was for her "Granny" to be able to see again.

One of our "Christmas traditions" is for my two youngest to help me deliver Christmas dinner to shut-ins...this is what Christmas was once about.

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Joe Offer
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 07:37 PM

Well, I guess it's a mixed blessing. I love the music and traditions and many other things about this season, but I have an easier time with Easter and Passover. I suppose the bad things about Christmas are the unfulfilled expectations (things never seem to happen exactly the way we hope they will), the amplified loneliness of people who have nobody to celebrate the holidays with, the tacky commercialism, and the conflict between religions and secularism that seems to get amplified during this season.
I guess it's that last thing that bugs me most, as a Christian. It's a religious feast, dammit, and it's a crying shame when people try to cleanse it of its religious nature. It's not just a Christian feast, either - it's a coming together of holy days that are sacred to many different religious and ethnic traditions. This is a sacred, holy time, and if we are a world that believes in religious tolerance, we should study and repect all the many ways that people hold this time sacred. What's more, I think we should share all of those religious and ethnic traditions with each other and sing each other's songs loud and clear, and then maybe this would become the time of peace and good will and generosity that it's meant to be.
This season can be a time that makes wonderful memories - not of the things that we plan on, but of the spontaneous things that happen at gatherings of people who love each other.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Big Mick
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 07:48 PM

How I feel about Christmas was deeply affected by the story I told HERE

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Musicman
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 08:18 PM

Ouch....

I read through this thread looking at everybodys feelings about Christmas and ponder my own.....

I have not been looking forward to this Christmas for a while..... It will be the first Christmas my daughter (12) and I share without her mom, and we are coming up to the 1st anniversary of her death (jan 16)... Lately, over the past few years, I have been having a real hard time with the commercialism of Christmas. Yes, it started as a celebration of the birth of Jesus, but where has it gone and where is it going? I'm not going to profess my faith here (yes, Christian) but am saddened by the grip that the retail industry has over this 'event'. I HATE going into the shopping malls at this time of year, and avoid it as much as possible. I sometimes wish that we could hole up somewhere, celebrate with those who are dear to us, acknowledge those who have taken care of us throughout the year (THANKYOU MUDCATTERS!!) and give something to those people that it is in our hearts to do so.

Mick, I also have spent alot of time bring the music of the season to those in Hospital.... Actually, it's part of my job, but what a good job, to bring a smile to someone's face through music....

This year I have taken a medical leave from my work (Music Therapist in a local Hospital) because I am unable to perform my duties due to the mix of emotions that affect me this year.... I am taking time to play music (for me), get in shape (lose 30lbs) and most importantly, be there for my daughter, because it's going to be a tough one for us all this time round. Fortunately, my wife's family are all in the area (4 other siblings, 9 neices and nephews) so we will spend Christmas day with them as always.....

I do wish the best of this Christmas season on everyone here, and once again, our little community shines with it's forthrightness from it's members and the caring and compassion that is show by those who 'listen'.

And Rick, I to will be having a guest over the holidays, Night Owl is heading back to Vancouver (from Cape Cod!) to spend a fun-filled Irish New Year's with us....

Well, I think I have said my peace, feeling a bit better for sharing, thanks for listening, and Merry Christmas to all.....

Musicman

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 08:22 PM

M.Ted, I believe Caitrin wanted to share with us a picture of her Christmas.
A Christmas blessed with the spirit of joy and happiness.

BB

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: kendall
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 08:29 PM

I stopped loving Christmas the day I found out that I was Santa Claus. Seriously,Christmas is difficult if you are alone. 'course we all know that Christmas is run by a big Eastern syndicate.. (Lucy of Peanuts, another reason for sadness) The hard cold facts are..businesses make 30% of their annual profit at this time of the year, and, if they dont make it..they dont make it at all. I wish it would just go away.

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Guy Wolff
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 08:37 PM

I love it!!!!!! Can I be Santa ??? Anything that can help us be happy and giving and full of hope... I beleave in the true spirit of the thing. All my best to all, Guy

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Mbo
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 08:44 PM

Well, it everyone sure has different feelings about Christmas. For those who still enjoy and celebrate Christmas, I salute you. I also want to say that my heart goes out to all those who have lost loved ones, or are alone, and get depressed by this wonderful season while others are happy. I wish I could come to all your houses and make Christmas special for you all again. As for the darkness and despair of winter, I leave you with a quote of hope from J.R.R. Tolkien:

"Far above the Ephel Dúath in the West the night-sky was still dim and pale. There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach."

--Mbo

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From:
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 08:46 PM

Today it snowed, and I saw a bunny while I was walking, and I get to go home in a few days, and I got a gingerbread house kit as a present, and I got a letter too. Christmas... it's pretty good, not neccessarily when you get big things, but when you _get_ the little things. Merriness to all!

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Dave
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 08:51 PM

I spent many a Christmas away from home, in bad weather or good, at sea, or in foreign ports, but never felt that bad about it. My one main Christmas tradition is always to give to the Salvation Army; coins to the kettle with an attendant without uniform, paper money to those in uniform. Give toys to the needy. Watching "A Christmas Carol" with Allister Simm as Scrooge is another good way to remember the real spirit of Christmas. These simple things bring me and my family some pleasure. It's not the gifts, the tree, or the food; its about honouring a small child who changed the world. Visit your friends and hug them, speak kindly to one another, try to right a wrong; and remember there are those who are not afforded these simple luxuries on this planet. One day, soon enough, you will measure the quality of life not by what you owned, or the bad things you did, but by the good you did, and that you were a benefit to others along the way. If you can do that, you need not feel bad about Christmas day at all; it was just one day in your year, preserve it as the best if you can; to honour the child who died for you.

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Joe Offer
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 09:05 PM

There are some really touching stories here, there really are; and I think I'm going to sit down and have a good cry for all the people, especially my friends, who are hurting this Christmas. Then I'm going to sing my heart out and try to be kind and gentle, and do my best to bring joy to people these next two weeks. I wish for warm hearts and happiness and hope and peace for all of us. I usually stick to the music threads, but I was really moved by several of the messages here.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Alice
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 09:25 PM

I take care of and water the plants in our local hospital. It takes about six hours to go around the building from the cancer treatment center, to hospice, to offices, to the ER, to the reception areas and entry ways and lobbies. People stop me all the time and talk to me about how beautiful the plants are, they ask questions about plants they have at home, and they comment on how nice it makes the hospital to have all the healthy living plants there. It seems like the gentlest and most thoughtful people I meet are in the cancer treatment radiation center. These people are there with cancer or waiting for their loved one who is getting treatment. I know for myself, the times in my life when I looked death in the face, not knowing how long I had, or having lost a loved one, the simplest joys and appreciation for whatever peace and beauty can be found become a crystal-clear savoring of the moment. The people I meet in the oncology center are living in the moment, savoring every minute, like the lady today, who talked to me about how shiny green the leaves were on the peace lily. I feel lucky every day that I am still alive, no matter what grey clouds may come. So, I feel lucky to see another Christmas.

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 09:49 PM

Like Musicman, we are celebrating a Christmas of firsts: our first without my mom, who died the day after MM lost his wife. It will seem strange as she loved Christmas and it was very imporant, for her, for us to be together, even when some of us didn't want to be. I felt a bit of distance about it all when I moved East and didn't share Christmas with her and the rest of my family for ten years, but coming back 6 years ago and spending about three of those with her, were lovely and reminded me of all the fun we used to have.

Curiously enough, I have more of the seasonl spirit this year than last, I think because I had a feeling last year would be her last Christmas with us and so it was sadder. It is also because my youngest daughter is finally my friend, again. As equal adults, she and I are enjoying one another's company and getting along, after I had despaired of her ever coming back into my life in such a way.

I feel a lot of the same things already stated about the commercialism. I REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE. I make almost all of my gifts and spend very little money. I may make Swedish tea rings this year for a few neighbours and friends, as I've always done in the past. I make them look like Christmas wreaths and it was always so much fun to wrap them up and surprise everyone with them. I will also continue to avoid the mall and stores. I will also find a quiet, dark time of everyday to keep my soul and spirit nourished in the quietness of this great spiritual time of year, esp on the Solstice, my favourite day.

I had an encounter the other day; a direct reminder of the good of the human spirit and the reason we have sacred seasons.

I went into my local bead store and there was an elderly woman sitting at the table with old rhinestone jewelry spread out on the table before her. Among the baubles which shone so brightly, she had a few very old, real cameos from Tibet, she said, from before WWII. She was hoping to sell any and all of it.

Her story was so sad and true. She is totally alone, her husband having died of emphysema in Orgeon where they went when the doctors told them he only had about two years left. After he died she came home to Casper. Using the $900 left from his life insurance, she bought herself a small camp trailer/caravan, no bathroom nor running water. After paying it off, she traded up and kept doing that until she finally had a decent, old mobile home to call her own.

She lives off of Social Security, a mere $325 per month. She gets no other benefits, I think because she is too proud to ask.

The day I met Lea, she had just pawned her wedding rings to pay some bills and she had $1.60 left for the rest of the month, including Christmas. She is 76 and in poor health herself. My friend and I were in no position to offer her what we knew her cameos were worth, so we gave her some names of trusted people who might be able to help.

Then my friend, the shop owner, came over and placed a $20 bill in Lea's hand, telling her she was just passing on what she'd received herself when in dire circumstances. Lea was so grateful and stunned, we all had tears running down our faces. Lea gave us each a hug and told us that she loved us. She kept calling us "good girls".

That moment was one of true goodness born of spontaniety, which I believe defines the best of humankind. The selfless giving of my friend, which I would have emulated had I had cash that day; the gratefullness and absolute surprise Lea felt when she gave her the money; the Presence of what I call the Cosmic; all made my heart swell with gratitude and sorrow at the same time for the way this woman was living.

I was effected so profoundly by this experience. It made me even more aware of how angry I've become with my brother, who thinks he has nothing and who does nothing to help hmself. If he wills it, he may be the one who does not survive the loss of mom. The contrast of this person who is so close and prevelant in my life and this stranger whom I had an instant rapport and empathy for was marked.

I made sure to exchange phone numbers with Lea and she gave me her address. This coming week, my daughter and I will take her some groceries for Christmas, as a surprise, and know that we have done a small part in passing on the Spirit of Good which is within us all.

May you all have a blessed and good season of your own choosing. And, thank you all for being such wonderful, caring friends.

I really do feel joyful this year and wish Peace to you all.

Love,

katlaughing

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: bunkerhill
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 09:52 PM

Oh, Ted, who started this thread, you make a grown man want to cry. Resolved, after reading thread: 1. On Dec. 24 I'll be in church, holding hands with a bunch of strangers and trying to figure out how to balance a lighted candle while singing "Silent Night" 2. I'll be checking in at the 'cat on friends I never knew I had, asking for a chorus of "I'm here to say the pleasure was all mine" (be a good 'catter and supply the correct title) or the Carl Williams song "It's A Pleasure to Know You" (ditto).

Subject: RE: How do you feel about Christmas?
From: Caitrin
Date: 16 Dec 99 - 10:29 PM

MTed, I guess I just have to excuse myself as a seventeen year old idealist. This is my last Christmas as a real kid...after this year, I'll be expected to move on into the "real world", despite the fact that I'll still be in school. Christmas has always been a happy time for me, and I guess I wanted to try to share some of that joy with others here. For those of you who are having difficult times, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
A happy celebration to you all.