BS: xmas without the tavern

Subject: holidays for the world-weary
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Nov 17 - 05:10 PM

Somebody else can Mudcat Tavern to their heart's content,
and may the Spirit of Christmas Taverns Present grant them their every wish.

They can Tavern it without me this year.
I just want to survive the holidays in one piece.

One week before US Thanksgiving,
the stations on my car radio
started in with Nat King Cole, Gene Autry, Johnny Mathis,
and I have yet to hear Der Bingle but he is probably getting heavy rotation.
Already.

The year-end holidays are more hazardous for some people than for others,
and more so during some years than other years.

This is going to be one of THOSE years for me.
So I'm making my plans to stay safe
and to keep a safe distance from toxic people and circumstances.

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: JHW
Date: 19 Nov 17 - 03:14 PM

What happened to the proposal that Christmas should be every four years like the Olympics?

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: BobL
Date: 20 Nov 17 - 04:01 AM

Well, as Christmas (in part) celebrates the passing of the winter solstice, we'd need to have winter only in leap years.

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Nov 17 - 06:02 PM

Sigh.
Latest check-ins on Radio Roulette:
Eartha Kitt asking for some model of car or other
Mr Grinch being told he's a mean one
Mariah Carey aaaah shaddup


and Della Reese has passed away
and a fellow Mudcatter was home when their spouse breathed their last in the hospice/care.

Feel squashed flat as an envelope.
Keep breathing.

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: gnu
Date: 20 Nov 17 - 06:30 PM

Kissmeass is overrated.

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: Charmion
Date: 21 Nov 17 - 08:39 AM

I keep the radio tuned to an Internet station from Florida that plays nothing but classical music, which solves that aspect of the Santa-overload problem.

As for the rest, I "curate" (as they say these days) my holiday experience by staying out of shopping malls as much as possible. It's easier this year than previously, as we are in the midst of a complete kitchen renovation that has the house in total uproar, and we recently moved to a small town where the only major national retailers are Canadian Tire and Home Hardware. Not much frenzy in Stratford, thank God.

I'm singing in a Messiah performance next week, and the choir is having a "Christmas social" that I will probably avoid. The farmers' market put on a German-style Christmas market last Sunday, and similar episodes of Yuletide exploitation will probably break out each weekend for the rest of the year. The neighbours have put up their coloured lights, and fake fir and red ribbons appeared on Ontario Street (the main drag) on the Monday after Remembrance Day.

It all reminds me of the pre-Yule period in Germany 40 years ago. Tolerable -- at present. Ask me again in the third week of December.

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: JHW
Date: 22 Nov 17 - 07:47 AM

What gets me most about this store stuff is they take it all down when it really is Christmas!

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Nov 17 - 02:00 PM

Xmas changes year to year
What it brings we won't fear
Our darlings far or near
we will hold close and dear

"We gather together to ask the Lord's blessing"
Thanksgiving day, Donuel was our guest
He reads the Progressive which makes him depressed
We asked Uncle Dave if he'd like to say grace,
A dark desolation crept over his face

"Thanks," he began as he gazed at his knife,
"To poor Mr. Turkey for living his life
All crowded and cramped in a great metal shed
Where life was a drag then they cut off his head"

"Thanks," he went on, "for the grapes in my wine
Picked by sick women of seventy-nine
Scrambling all morning for bunch after bunch
Then brushing the pesticides off of their lunch

Thanks for the stuffing all heaped on my fork
Shiny with sausage descended from pork
I think of the trucks full of full of pigs that I see
And can't help imagine what they think of me"

Continuing, "I'd like to thank if you please
Our salad bowl hacked out of tropical trees
And for this mahogany table and chair
We thank all the jungles that used to be there

For cream in our coffee and milk in our mugs,
We thank all the cows full of hormones and drugs
Whose calves are removed at a very young age
And force-fed as veal in a minuscule cage"

"Oh thanks for the furnace that heats up these rooms
And thanks for the rich fossil fuel it consumes
Corrupting the atmosphere ounce after ounce
But we're warm and toasty and that is what counts

I'm grateful," he said, "for these clothes on my back
Lovely and comfy and cheap off the rack
Fashioned in warehouses noisy and cold
In China by seamstresses seven years old"

"And thanks for my silverware setting that shines
In memory of miners who died in the mines
Worn down by the shoveling of tailings in piles
Whose runoff destroys all the rivers for miles

We thank the reactors for our chandelier
Although the plutonium won't disappear
For hundreds of decades it still will be there
But a few more Chernobyl's and who's gonna care?"

Sighed Donuel, "though there's more to be told
The wine's getting warm and the bird's getting cold"
And with that he sat down as he mumbled again
"Thank you for everything, amen"

We felt so guilty when he was all thru
It seemed there was one of two things we could do
Live without food, in the nude, in a cave,
Or next year have someone say grace besides Dave.

Now a year later we're all down at Don's
For in truth he does live in a cave
and I see we should give thanks
to the kooks and the cranks
willing to give change a try.

Donuel doesn't just rave
In fact I think he is brave
For to live in a cave
that may be manmade
is efficient and pleasant for all.

Underground you need not be aloof
you can mow the grass up on your roof
or plant food you can sell from a booth
you could make your own wine or even vermouth
Nope Donuel does not have a screw loose

Donuel's kettle
is made of metal
from 30 melted gun barrels
If you ask me it is you and not he
who made a mistake where you settle

Donuel's trees make great apple pie
from the rich soil and gifts from the sky
We asked for the recipe and he replied
To make apple pie
you need only a harmonious cosmos.

So with glasses on high
lets give change a try
and toast close relations
with respect among nations
and give thanks for this great apple pie.

It takes an entire cosmos
to make a great
apple pie


Thanks Ebbie Amos Rap, DmcG Gillymore Greg Steve Ake 7stars keb gnu Charmion and a roomful of others for patience at a minimum and love at the Max


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Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: gillymor
Date: 22 Nov 17 - 02:44 PM

That was brilliant, Don.

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Nov 17 - 07:01 PM

Don, that is beautiful - thank you!

We have no idea what is going to happen for us on the Occasion in Late December. Right now we are in accommodation away from home.....it's nice and comfortable, but it's not home.....because we arrived home from a weekend away at a festival late last month to find our house completely flooded. A pipe connection under our master bathroom had come apart and water was gushing out at mains pressure, and this town has good water pressure. Insurance is looking after stuff, replacement furniture, house repairs (some walls have to be partially removed to check behind for mould) etc., but we can't live in the house until there is no suspicion of the least amount of a trace of mould. Most upsetting for me is that my two guitars and gorgeous hand-made baritone ukulele were sitting in their cases on the floor, but they seem to be all right.

Sigh......

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 22 Nov 17 - 10:26 PM

But JennieG!
Is this not a recapitulation, or variation, or something,
of what happened earlier this calendar year?!

I have posted in the direction of our Imperious Rex
so this does not escape his rapturous attentions.

Continuing to endure Radio Roulette today:
Perry Como going Home for the Holidays
Kenny Rogers asking Mary, did she know?
Somebody Rockin' Aroun' the Christmas Tree

... something nice happened earlier today
and already the depression funk has clouded me over
and I forgot what it was. Oh well.

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Nov 17 - 11:18 PM

I did not write most of that. It is a song posted by Ebbie on 'things heard on Thanksgiving' that I gave an alternative ending. I had no memory of that post when I saw it again or that I started that thread.

I THINK ITS A SIGN

I'm past my prime.
I now remember where
those thoughts sprouted
Half the words there

were ones I doubted

We all can improve an ending
making small changes moves boulders
For in the long run
We're standing on each others shoulders

So have some fun

I picked up my son at the airport today
In a bright red fast sports car
and averaged 35 mph down rt.95
all the way home which was far.

easy does it every time

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: JennieG
Date: 23 Nov 17 - 12:20 AM

It is indeed a rewind of January's flood, keberoxu, but much worse.....that had hot water flowing for a maximum of five hours, while this time could have been anything up to four and a half days but at least it was cold water.

I would have sat down and cried, but the house didn't need any more liquid.

Thank you for notifying Our Great Emperor!

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: meself
Date: 23 Nov 17 - 01:30 AM

I thought Christmas was banned because, you know - Obama!!

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 23 Nov 17 - 05:27 AM

Wonder if anybody say the Q.I. programme which featured the Catalan tradition of "THE CRAPPER - the figure of a man squatting down and relieving himself behind the manger in Nativity displays
Now that would make a change!
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Nov 17 - 08:16 PM

Today, a song I actually hear with pleasure came on the radio.
No doubt there are others out there who can't stand the thing,

but I like hearing José Feliciano sing "Feliz Navidad."
It's a perky happy thing.
And it doesn't drag out too long.

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: JennieG
Date: 23 Nov 17 - 10:31 PM

And it doesn't mention small boys playing drums, for which we are thankful.

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: Charmion
Date: 24 Nov 17 - 09:23 AM

On Monday, I watched our neighbour erect a fake Christmas tree in his front garden, which already has several real trees. Talk about a work of supererogation!

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Nov 17 - 10:48 AM

This year I ruthlessly pruned back a huge bluegreen juniper at the foot of the front yard - it was a huge blob that encroached on about 1/4 of the driveway. It was a microclimate for reptiles and small mammals. But it was too big and full of bagworms, so I cut until a shape revealed itself, like a statue emerging from a block of marble. When the juniper was smaller I used to put strings of lights on it, when it got so large I sometimes draped them on the front side of it. This year I will artistically string lights, if I still have any. I got rid of a lot of them last year because all of the pine trees are too large to decorate myself with lights. I only do one woody plant in the yard, as an accent, and to generally participate with the neighbors who put up lights as a neighborhood thing.

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: JHW
Date: 25 Nov 17 - 06:28 AM

Last year I hung a spare dozen baubles unlit on a tree out front on Xmas Eve and left them till twelth night

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Nov 17 - 05:20 PM

Well, I guess I had to find out the hard way.

All I wanted to do was eat out.
It's just that I picked out a restaurant in a shopping mall,
the day after Black Friday ...
so much for my appetite.

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 17 - 10:17 PM

That'll larn ya!

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 26 Nov 17 - 04:31 PM

So today's Radio Roulette bullet
was "Mele Kalikimaka."

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: JennieG
Date: 26 Nov 17 - 07:01 PM

Which is fun to play on ukulele.....there's a recording on you tube of Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters, and it was also sung in "Animal Lampoon's Christmas Vacation".

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 28 Nov 17 - 04:30 PM

Of course, north of the Equator,
this is also the time of year
when people spend more time
indoors and around children
and infectious viruses rear their greedy heads.

Out in public places
I am hearing some really sickening-sounding coughing going on,
the kind that I have not heard since,
you know, last winter.
(And do they cover their mouths?
Of course not.)

Today's Radio Roulette bullet:
Nat King Cole, fa-la-la-la-la ... and so on and so forth

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Nov 17 - 05:03 PM

(((Keb)))

~Susan

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: mg
Date: 28 Nov 17 - 08:49 PM

here are some nice substitutes for christmas music. panis angelicus is not a christmas song. these are by teen bulgarians.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSVdi9o4qDE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKBDAcOIY3g

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 28 Nov 17 - 09:38 PM

So this is a true story of what happened to me last Thursday!
Please can I get a healing Mudcat massive (but gentle) hug!

BLACK IS THE COLOUR
Tomorrow I shall start my Christmas letter,
Much earlier than I've done in years gone by.
And the reason is some selfish unthinking numpty
Left his ad-base on the path - I ask you - WHY?

So I left the really happy evening session,
And when I got just 3 yards from my car,
I hurtled over, cracked down on the pavement,
And all that I could see was bloody stars.

The blood came trickling down my face in rivers,
The pain was in my knees and head and hand,
My glasses lay in bits upon the paving.
But I struggled to my feet, drove home half-blind.

But before I left the scene of my discomfort,
What had tripped me up I tried to ascertain,
It was the base of an advertising hoarding,
But without its board, unseen, I will maintain.

A black thing on a black of blackest pavement,
On a Blackest night no moon, no light it made,
The street lights not so good, and could you blame me
For not seeing what was also in their shade?

So two black eyes, and not so lovely,
Is the price that I have paid for this last fall,
And a hand that cannot play a single note now,
Too swollen, bruised and painful, can't play at all.

I have 2 black Panda eyes to show for all this,
And a left hand that's twice its normal size,
But I think I ken who caused this all to happen,
And I'm on his trail, no word of any lies!

But I hope I'll be be all mended come this Christmas,
To venture to the tavern full o' cheer,
And find it full of happier Mudcatters
Happy Christmas and a bright and guid New Year.

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 29 Nov 17 - 03:24 PM

Oh, Tattie Bogle, that is too hideous for WORDS. That's horrible.

Circle the wagons, Mudcatters,
around our battered Tee Bee.
In what city did this happen anyway?
Can't you tell the authorities or somebody?

(((( Tee Bee ))))

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: JennieG
Date: 29 Nov 17 - 09:58 PM

Ouch, double ouch and triple ouch, Tattie Bogle! Sending good thoughts and healing stuff your way!

On a slightly seasonal note: during World War II my father, like many other young Aussie blokes, was stationed in New Guinea. While he never spoke of his war experiences to his children he did tell my mother a few things she later passed on to us, one of which was about Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" which was a huge hit at the time.....those young fellers changed the words to "I'm dreaming of a white mistress", the local lasses being of a duskier tint than those at home. Such a thing was considered somewhat risqué in those days!

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 01:35 PM

Radio Roulette continues
and today there is competition amongst
Nat King Cole, Perry Como, and Frank Sinatra.
The Sinatra tune is Let It Snow To The Third Degree .

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 30 Nov 17 - 06:49 PM

Thanks Keberoxu, Jenny G and also for the lovely pm from Senofou.
Oh yes, I've told "the authorities" but without proof of who left the offending trip hazard article there, I'm up the proverbial creek without a paddle or Christmas stocking! Cheers all!

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Dec 17 - 09:28 AM

Stocking stuffers

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: frogprince
Date: 02 Dec 17 - 12:10 AM

Incidentishly: Most of Donuel's post by on Nov.22, 2pm, is "Uncle Dave's Grace", by Lou and Peter Berryman.I hadn't been keeping up with this, so as to catch it, these days. (I'm okay, having quite a bit of opportunity to spend time with good people & working up memorial service for Dec.9; feeling rather lost at times, though.)
                Dean.

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: JennieG
Date: 02 Dec 17 - 01:03 AM

A seasonal annoyance is winter songs disguised as Christmas songs, e.g. "Let it snow x 3". The C word isn't mentioned, so why put it on the playlist?

Even more so in countries such as Oz where Christmas is in mid-summer.

My ukulele group will be playing at a carols evening in a small out of town village in a couple of weeks. We submitted our play list to the minister organising the evening and he rejected "When a child is born" because - and I quote - "It doesn't agree with our church/bible teachings". But "Feliz navidad", his alternative choice, does. So it's all right to sing about lots of presents to make you happy and mistletoe and lots of cheer but not a child being born at Christmas, for a church-organised evening.

Scuse me why I ponder why......

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Dec 17 - 06:31 PM

Today's Radio Roulette bullet was
Bobby Helms singing "Jingle Bell Rock."

There was a broadcast of a recording of
Andy Williams singing I forget what --
it was a horrible shock --

some mad producer in the recording studio
wanted Williams to sound more like Dean Martin, I guess,
and Williams' light baritone voice had been processed
to sound like a slow-motion movie soundtrack.

Guys. No. Maple syrup is not supposed to be molasses.

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 02 Dec 17 - 07:42 PM

Just been sent a list of carols and songs for a forthcoming gig. (If my hand will let me play!)
"I saw Mummy kissing Santa Claus" - just NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Can't stand it!

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: JennieG
Date: 02 Dec 17 - 08:07 PM

Tattie Bogle, I will join you in that NOOOOOOOO!!

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Dec 17 - 12:19 PM

frog prince
I did in fact let people know by post I only added a rewritten end to that poem. Such a good poem/song deserved a good afterword.


I only just heard this:
12 days of Christmas - Straight no Chaser https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fe11OlMiz8

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Dec 17 - 02:49 PM

Radio Roulette bullet:
opening bars of O Holy Night

WHOOPS change that car-radio channel FAST!

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 05 Dec 17 - 03:22 PM

No tavern for me tonight! Usually the monthly session, but owner says we can't get in until later, so quiet night in!

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Dec 17 - 03:58 PM

and let us not forget
Blue Christmas with Elvis Presley
and, I guess, the Jordanaires, with the falsetto yodel in the background.

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: JennieG
Date: 05 Dec 17 - 04:25 PM

Another fun song for uke, especially for those of us who are sopranos......we can really let rip on that high note.

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the Severn in the tevern
From: Severn
Date: 05 Dec 17 - 06:57 PM

....Or was that the Savern in the tavern?....

I heard the all time Bad Taste Seasonal Champion "Christmas In The Congo (With The Pygmy Tribe)" on a seasonal CD that a friend gave me.

Severn walks into the tavern and sees neither man nor Squid or even Alligator. The tunnel remains boarded up, so I can't even go back down to check on folks in the recovery Ward. My Secret Santa's left me clueless so far. IHe enjoyed some poetry he found and sang, Re-joice, re-joice, O Dah-ah ahn -u-el."

Outside, he'd found a rock in the shape of a jingle bell, which he's sending off to Ripley to see if he can make it into the funny papers.

" I wasn't sure whether I wanted to invent new visitors to match the ones others brought in again, anyway", he muttered. "Shall we bury the remains of the Tavern next to the grave of the chat room? I still need the recovery Ward from time to time whether anybody visits me there or not."

"Hell, I'll see you all in Facebook or something. Or maybe the Getaway, if I'm lucky."

...And nobody heard him exclaim as he rode out of sight, "A Wondersome Winter To All! Love the whole bunch of you!"....

"Damn, I hardly recognize this place any more...."

He goes back down the road singing an old Canadian Carol:

"Go tell it to the Mounties
That Jesus Christ, I'm bored...."

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Dec 17 - 07:57 PM

He's Back!   He's Back!

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: JennieG
Date: 05 Dec 17 - 09:44 PM

Yay!

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Dec 17 - 06:17 AM

Whatever happened to the endangered giant wombat?

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Dec 17 - 07:45 PM

Sounds like somebody better open a thread
and get the Christmas tavern ready to go.

Wonder if the terrier will return this year?
He gave the squid what-for last time.

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: Severn
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 12:37 AM

Well, the terrier knows the drill by now, so it can leave the other nineteen working on the rock long enough to drop by, if someone opens it up. You all might have scared everybody away. I know that I started back for home.....

Subject: RE: BS: xmas without the tavern
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Dec 17 - 02:58 PM

Radio Roulette, pre-nor'easter:

Dean Martin making an echo chamber out of his voice
for Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer