BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 07:57 AM

A Puerto Rican fok song drones on...
In DC, they have a name, for pain and whims and firings.
the pain is Jeff the firings Flynn and they call his whims Pariah
Pariah Pariah they call his whims Pariah.
Paper towels and...

Some tarps and duct tape brought some warmth back to the tavern along with discovering several crates of True Blood that kept the fireplace roaring.

One voice rose above in song; Violent night, holie knight,
all is bombed, by the right...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 03:46 AM

A trio of trolls comes in the WSW door ( the oversized one, not the 6 inch one with the key on the 2 foot table).

"We just came in for some Carroling" , the smallest one says.

"Keep the curtains closed , please."

Tipsy Teresa Terrific flies around on the giant wombat, missing the rafters but hitting a few kayaks and a canoe.

"Mushroom soufflé?" Asks Alice.

"That would be gniess." Says the largest troll , Sylvester. "Quartz, we'll take the left side 'shrooms', "

"I'll granite if you move back. You are rocking the jello pit" says Alice.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 24 Dec 17 - 12:16 AM

And I thought it bad when they revoked my Poetic Liscence for having too many meter violations......

Rap seems to have become Leher-ed of all he beholds.....

What's Moor, Donuel, the anchor is Wade and the sails, they are Seth (ALL of them, making up some sort of a Seth Pool) and they call a whim, Just That......

Still tipsy Teresa Terrific sheds the coat, and from a rafter, jumps on the back of the flying wombat, calling out, "Wheeee! Lady Godiva had nothing on THIS!"......
But the lady does not consider herself a good enough diver to attempt a jacknife into a crowded Jello Pit that by now has become funkier than a James Brown box set.....

As far as spreading around horrible colds, I spent 37 years working for the Postal Service as a clerk, but I NEVER was a carrier.....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 05:42 PM

Reverend Severn blessed the afflicted with horrible colds
from an infected chalice while some suspected the host
as predicted, convicted addicted moles arose from their holes
in search of their favorite fix, squid flavored lime jello on toast

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 05:20 PM

There may have been a squid pro quo deal between the RINO and a virus.
Wind whistled through the tavern and noses began to jog and some had a hacking scoff. Way out here they have a name for wind and rain and fire. The rain is bruce, the fire's Joe and they call the wind leenia.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 01:20 PM

A squidlet comes over to the bar, and asks the bartender ( from a distance) if they can schedule a jello-pit cleaning.

"Some of the folks there have been in waaaaaay too long."

https://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images?p=blobfish&fr=yfp-t&imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fi.huffpost.com%2Fgen%2F1326764%2Fthumbs%2F


"Hey! no bringing up the politicians! We keep them under the surface for a reason!" Screams the alligator, "They can only stay if they tell the truth, so we never hear anything from them."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 01:08 PM

Tipsy Teresa Terrific, who had 6 rounds with the chori earlier, wisely chooses a cup of coffee, black.

Belting the coat, after belting several of the lehering chori, she joins the group at the ENE window, watching the Russian parachutes.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 12:55 PM

Shirley, you jest! She was the Temple-ate for all that os good. The Blues had a Johnnie Temple and so did the Cincinnatti Redlegs (spelled with a Y) and TV watching kids in Washington had Pick Temple, but she was the Temple at which America worshiped...

We're glad you survived the dryer, Raparee. We thought either you'd end up as Shrink Rap or would have to be given up for Lint......


Some time later
EXTRA:: This just in from CNN....
A Russian spy plane off the Atlantic Coast was downed by what appeared to be, from the radio signals just before it went down and confirmed by a US jet, monitoring the signal, a flying rhino....Details at eleven......

So much is going on, streaker Teresa Terrific, usually terrific at stopping terr-rafic, goes largely unnoticed. Severn offers to bring her his coat, and upon finding it gone and after a quick glance at the tree, hands her another one randomly picked from the much depleted coat rack. The squidlets are still at work. Teresa, sensing that there are too many strange peoole and critters around, wisely accepts. Severn says ti the alligator, "A hot drink of the lady's choice, please.....

Up above, the wombat finally seems to begetting the hand of flying, but with Peter Pan gone, there's nobody to ask how long the Pixie Dust will last. The Squidlets look up in envy.....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 12:35 PM

Kris comes in the door on the WNW wall, looking for the giant flying wombat.

"Time to get ready for Christmas Eve. Sandra should NEVER have given you time off at this time of year."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 12:30 PM

Coming out of the washing machine strangely refreshed, Rap joins the several chori over by the NNE wall, and look out the window at the Lawn Moor.

"Come on, fellows! Let's cheer him up" says Rap, leading the group out the sliding French door that leads to the patio under the banyon tree.

Looking inquiringly at Teresa Terrific, Rap starts with ( it being the most romantic song he knows)

"I hold your hand in mine, dear,
I press it to my lips.
I take a healthy bite
From your dainty fingertips.

My joy would be complete, dear,
If you were only here,
But still I keep your hand
As a precious souvenir."



Continuing to leher, he then sings (accompanied by the assembled chori in 32 part harmony)

Christmas time is here, by golly,
Disapproval would be folly,
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and don't say "when."
Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens,
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas day you can't get sore,
Your fellow man you must adore,
There's time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations, sparing no expense'll
Send some useless old utensil,
Or a matching pen and pencil.
"just the thing I need! how nice!"
It doesn't matter how sincere it
Is, nor how heartfelt the spirit,
Sentiment will not endear it,
What's important is the price.

Hark the herald tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry, merchants,
May you make the yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high
Tell us to go out and buy!

So let the raucous sleigh bells jingle,
Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,
Driving his wombats across the sky.
Don't stand underneath when they fly by."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 11:58 AM

Giddy in the spin cycle, he sings: a Christmas ditty.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 10:27 AM

All of the Moors except for Les don whiteface makeup and commence showing the folks AUTHENTIC Morris Dancing. Someone brings out a comfortable
Morris Chair out to Les, so he can watch comfortably .......

Rap runs for the door to the beach. The rhino crashes through the door, enlarging it slightly, and keeps on going forward, forgetting why, as is the custom of rhinoceroses, until it crashes into something big enough to stop it but not before getting airsick all over poor Rap, who had ducked. Severn and one of the gibbons,with towels over their hands, place him fully clothed into the washing machine.
"Your turn!" laughs Severn as he sets the dials.....

Mmario names a call in to the Coast Guard warning of a flying rhinoceros headed out to sea, but gets dismissed as a crank call. We are rid of the rhino, though, and we wish him a happy landing wherever he stops.....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant warm bath for wallowing in Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 09:31 AM

.....although some of the horses can talk and.prefer the bar if they're going to be put up wet. We have A locker room, a lot of closets and still only one bathroom. There are entrances somewhere, but don't ask me where, big enough to have let in a giant caterpillar, a giant moth, a whale and other huge creature. There's an alley with an alley gate for the alligator to bring Cajun goodies to be cooked. There's no attic or basement, but I suppose it's just a matter of time. We've had holes in the roof that always get repaired somehow by the next gathering. I'm sure I missed a lot of stuff
before I came or was in a hospital or at Getaway.

So I'd think that the tavern has many walls and might look like it was designed by committee ......

Peter shouts, "No, it was Rap!" and he and Tinkerbelle disapear in a puff of smoke....

The rhino, not used to flight and rather drunk starts feeling a little airsick, but he's identified a target, he forgets everything else and puts himself into overdrive towards Rap. It will be interesting to count the number of walls left at the end of our visit.....

As well we know, DtG.......

Up above somewhere, it should read "I just" rather than "Injustice ". Goddamn auto-correct .....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 09:13 AM

I am *not* stable.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 08:47 AM

Three walls and bars are good enough for some, including Donald Trump and his henchmen. Maybe too good for them.....


Bur Mmario is right. As many years as we have been chronicling events here in the tavern, we've mentioned many different features of the building, and I doubt that it would be box shaped. In fact, someone ought to go back through all the years of tavern threads and make a blueprint, except that it would probably be invalid by next year. Hell, Injustice added a bell tower complete with hunchback this year for the sake, of making a joke. We have a time tunnel and a direct tunnel, now sealed, leading into the Mudcat Recovery Ward. We have magical back doors, one permanently leading to a beach and others leading somewhere different every year, including The Yellow Brick Road, down which Liz The Squeak and her black cat once ventured. We have a barn and a stable

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 05:22 AM

Nowt wrong with "Poe references" being linked to lavatoria. Up north when I were a lad the pot de nuit, or potty, or "guzunder" was quite frequently referred to as the "po."

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 23 Dec 17 - 04:12 AM

A young man applied for a job as a barman in a pub next to a day centre for the aurally and vocally disadvantaged
The guvnor explained that because of the number of customers from nect door he would have to learn basic sign language
They say all morning while the new barman learned all the signings for the different drinks
At opening time he made a nervous start, but very soon he found himself able to cope without hesitation
This went on right through till closing time, when he went into the bar to call "time".
He found all of the ciustomers standing aound or sitting, all silently swinging their hands up to shoulder height in rythm
Puzzles, he went into the loung - exactly the same - a room full of people all rhythmically swinging their arms
In a panic, he ran to find the govenor and explained what was happening
"****' - we'll never get them to go home now they've started to sing"
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 10:05 PM

Chuckling and quite satisfied with himself, he returns to his corner, clutching a flagon of Olde Forty Rod.

Olde Forty Rod: The whiskey that pounds your brain to mush.

And he shouts to the flying rhino, "Pete did it! Up there! With Tinkerbelle, his...ah...good friend!"

MMario, meanwhile, asks, "Why do people assume we only have four walls?"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 01:55 PM

So, says the Gnome to the man with the sandwich board, how come your board says 'Bethehem'?

Easy, says the man. It is the first no el...

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 12:29 PM

I thought that was a POO reference.......

Alas, there's but one toilet, and there's often a long line because Liz The Squeak tends yo spend an inordinate amount of time there. I haven't seen Liz yet, which either means that she's in the loo or that she didn't make it this year. The squid used to have a mad crush on her, so now that there's jealous wife involved, she may not seem comfortable in the tavern anymore. Has anyone seen Liz?.....

Bruce, having had to have worn an alligator's lunch and then getting soaked to the skin taking a ride with an agitator that was almost as nasty as Rap himself,and then having to shoo away that hunchback, Semi-Modo, frankly, I don't. CARE........Let him face the wrath of a flying rhinoceros......

Of course, if the rhino finds out that Peter was really to blame, he might end up engaging in some "Dead Pan Humor".......

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 11:52 AM

"Severn, you can't expect Rap to be serious when he's been at the beetle-juice."


says Al, the former Baron of the Bronx.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 11:38 AM

Around the corner, past the kitchen.

Be careful, if you go too far you end up at the Time Portal.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 10:43 AM

"Speaking of Poe references",

Where's the toilets in this place?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 10:26 AM

"For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the leather-winged bats that fly free;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the leather-winged bats that fly free; "

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 10:08 AM

I was a bat, and they were a bat, in this tavern by the sea...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 12:41 AM

"OK, which of youse bums threw dust in my face?", says the rhino, who, rub ing his eyes, is just beginning to realize that he's actually flying.
A soaking wet Severn points to Rap and says, "HE did!"........
Peter Pan breaths a sigh of relief.
A bat says, "What did you do that for? We're already down to three walls and a roof because of that guy....."
"Ruuff?", says the shaggy dog, who had wandered back into the tavern.....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 22 Dec 17 - 12:21 AM

Actually, I have two of them and had to join the Navel Reserve....

After Severn goes through a wash cycle, a hunchback climbs down from the bell towerand asks at the bar, "Did I hear someone call for a ringer?".....

"Seizure later, alligator?" "No, I think I'm through being sick, thank you....." "Not your fault. That's.what happens when someone else writes your material ....."

A young fellow in a green Robin Hood outfit sitting on the highest rafter chuckles and says, "Those bats know from nothing as far as flight instruction. The real secret is this Pixie Dust. "Oh yeah? Says a bat. "Just watch THIS!", says Peter Pan as he swoops down to the bar and throws some Pixie Dust onto the rhino. Some of the dust gets in the rhino's eyes, and upon angrily jumping up from his stool, finds himself airborne. "Top THAT, you blind leather-winged sewer rats!......

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 08:34 PM

"Gimme a belt of stars on ice, please," he says to the alligator.

"Stars?" the alligator asks.

"O, rye on the rocks."

The alligator becomes violently ill all over Severn. Quickly, the quiet gentleman Sev, clothes and all, into a washer and adds detergent.

"That'll do," he says quietly. "Where the Severn meets the Tide. Anna, pull us! It's a navel academy!"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 07:35 PM

There's an old Australian stockman lying, dying
And he gets himself up onto one elbow and he turns to his mates
Who are all gathered around and he says

Watch me wallabies feed, mate
Watch me wallabies feed
They're a dangerous breed, mate
So watch me wallabies feed

Altogether now!
Tie me brown wombat down, sport
Tie me brown wombat down
Tie me brown wombat down, sport
Tie me brown wombat down

Keep me cockatoo cool, Curl
Keep me cockatoo cool
Ah, don't go acting the fool, Curl
Just keep me cockatoo cool

Altogether now!
Tie me brown wombat down, sport
Tie me brown wombat down
Tie me brown wombat down, sport
Tie me brown wombat down

'N' take me koala back, Jack
Take me koala back
He lives somewhere out on the track, Mac
So take me koala back

Altogether now!
Tie me brown wombat down, sport
Tie me brown wombat down
Tie me brown wombat down, sport
Tie me brown wombat down

And mind me platypus duck, Bill
Mind me platypus duck
Ah, don't let 'im go running amok, Bill
Just mind me platypus duck

Altogether now!
Tie me brown wombat down, sport
Tie me brown wombat down
Tie me brown wombat down, sport
Tie me brown wombat down

Play your didgeridoo, Blue
Play your didgeridoo
Ah, like, keep playin' 'til I shoot through, Blue
Play your didgeridoo

Altogether now!
Tie me white RINO down, sport
Tie me White RINO down
Tie me White RINO down, sport
Tie me White RINO down

Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred
Tan me hide when I'm dead
So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde
And that's it hangin' on the shed!

Altogether now!
Tie me brown wombat down, sport
Tie me white RINO down
Tie me big squiddy down, sport
Tie me lime jello down?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 05:52 PM

Of course they can.....they are wom-bats, aren't they?

It doesn't necessarily stand for "waste of money, brains and time" although that could be apt for some.

The wom-bat glided around gracefully among the rafters, watching the festivities beneath. Suddenly it felt a slight shaking and rumbling in its middle, and the first of its 100 daily cube-shaped poops went crashing down to the floor below.

Luckily none of the revellers was directly underneath, but oh - the consternation!

That wom-bat had been eating a bit too much green jello.....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 05:20 PM

the wombat glided off the rafter, floated around amongst the bats enjoying the sensation of flying, then suddenly realised wombats can't fly ...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 04:46 PM

This just in from Gilead.

The dogs and the demolition squad found nothing. It was all merely a false alarm, just a balm scare.

The visiting creature from Down Under exclaimed, "Damn! I always thought they were singing 'Remember You're A Wombat'......."

A stark, mad raven perches on a limb near Les the Lawn Moor and keeps repeating the word "Never" to him. Nevertheless, he doesn't seem to get the reference.....

Speaking of Poe references, they've assigned ushers to escort anyone entering the tavern where the wall used to be due to the partial fall of the house......


Drunken bats (none of them named Mike) have lured the poor frightened wombat up onto one of the rafters, supposedly to make his flying lessons easier.
"Don't worry, old pal, 'cause just in case, for safety's sake, we've stationed you right over the deep Jello Pit....."

Severn wants his hat from down off the Christmas tree and not trusting the bats, he decides to enlist the aid of one of the birds.
He yells, "HEY, DUCK!", and of course, everybody nearby does, which is just as well, because at that moment..........

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 02:01 PM

The Lawn Moor is sitting outside, leaning against the Banyon tree and eating a sandwich.

"Is there—is there balm in Gilead?"



"Must have been a Poe-boy" mutters Donuel

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 01:52 PM

The chori start up with

" In a Tavern, near a banyon,
Estivating with a mime,
Was a diner, from a liner,
and his daughter, Melantine. "

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 01:15 PM

"A knight enters"
She said "Sir Knight, I offer my honour"
He said, Fair maiden, I honour your offer
And all night he was offer and honour
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 01:08 PM

Several Shaker shepherds enter with the second verse.

"Heavenly hosts sing All is luau!"


Pass the poi!

Severn mutters "Lets get the large felines a Poi-Boy sandwich, and get the Aurochs back into the Tavern"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 12:59 PM

The Hungry Tiger says " Still no recipe for 'Holy infant so tender and mild' !

What are the smilodon and I supposed to have for the holidays?"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 10:40 AM

A man walked in with a sandwich board proclaiming 'Christ was born in Bethehem'

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 10:01 AM

Swinging upside down from the rafters, the wombless bat warbles solstice carols with the words changed to suit their, um, predilections... Merry Midwinter! What should I eat to turn my guano red and green? Where's the mistletoe? Or the mistlefinger?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 09:08 AM

Got it! Took me a while but I can now sleep in heavenly peace:-)

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 08:41 AM

Sorry, Dave, I'm not usually that subtle.
I did comment on a rotund ex-snooker player, so you've got the right character, and the right Paul Simon number. Need to pun on the snooker player's name though.

And just remember they're following a knight who doesn't make a sound, and has 'punctured' armour.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 08:26 AM

Bit subtle for me, Nigel. John Virgo was the snooker player. I think the only 2 Paul Simon hits of 1972 were 'Mother and Child reunion' and 'Me and Julio down by the school yard'. I cannot spot the connection but did discover that Mike Batt wrote the theme tune for Big Break. The Wombles strike again!

Just when I thought it was safe to get back on my stool...

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 08:00 AM

Promptly followed by Paul Simon singing one of his 1972 hits.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 07:54 AM

A knight enters, without making a sound. He is rather battered, and his armour has several punctures.

A little after him comes a rotund ex-snooker player, who made money appearing on 'Big Break' with Jim Davidson.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 06:39 AM

Would thes be Peter Knight before you go to bed?
Sorry - I'm lowering the tone of this serious discussion
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 05:39 AM

A knight enters, without making a sound.

I am pretty sure it could not have been Peter Knight then. He would have been heard making marvelous music. This strangely pulls 2 themes together

His long association with the folk-rockers had included a spell of
mid-Seventies moonlighting as a secret member of novelty pop group The Wombles — based on the children’s book and TV characters created by Elisabeth Beresford — who notched up a string of top 10 singles and albums.

This led to Knight appearing on Top of the Pops in the guise of Great Uncle Bulgaria alongside fellow Steeleye Span members Rick Kemp and Bob Johnson.

The Gnome falls off his stool as the cosmic consciousness of the tavern takes hold.

DtG

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 03:44 AM

A man walks into a large country pub early one evening; at first he can find nobody to serve him until he hears noises coming from behind the bar. He peers over and sees a barman and barmaid making passionate love
Disgusted, he heads into the lounge where he finds the governor and another barmaid making 'The Beast With Two Backs' on the pool table
In a final attempt to get served, he goes into the restaurant area and sees the missus and a waiter following what is obviously the favourite local occupation on a table.
He storms out into the street, only to find two dogs locked together in the throes of copulation.
He pickes them up, carries them into the pub, plonks them on the counter and shouts; "Your sign's fallen down".
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 12:35 AM

"That's supposed to say "the eels from the elles"! screams Mrs.Squid. "Some idiot with auto-correct always spoils everything, including my joke!", and with that, a tentacles reaches out and slaps the Kindle out of Severn's hand. "Go misprint your OWN jokes, not mine", she snarls......

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 21 Dec 17 - 12:18 AM

Severn, wondering how the Micks just added to the mix got here looks outside, and hearing a "Clang! Clang! Clang", he sees the Tra Li car pulling away, going back to the car barn to go out of service and be parked among the Rows of Trolley for the night......


Rap stands beside the Christmas tree, still searching for his hat, when the stiff breeze coming through the open wall brings a familiar looking feather floating past his head, and he looks up.....

The breeze blows DeFrosty's magic silk top hat down from its precarious perch near the top of the tree, and it falls pretty hard with a THUMP!, jarring loose a dozen rabbits from inside.
"That's funny", said the snowman, scratching his head (and giving it a rather lopsided effect as the flakes fly loose) "I only packed two of them with me when I left."....

Mrrzy's purse starts to fall off the tree, but the strap catches on a branch, it turns upsidedown and the contents spill on the floor.
"The secret's out!", cries Janie. "I'd have never guessed you carried one of THOSE in there!"....

Most of the pilfered items remain in the upper reaches of the tree. Over in a corner, Billy, Rock and some other squidlets are rolling on the floor with laughter......

Someone asks the Squid who the fellow with the single dorsal fin is.
"That's my shark therapist", says. Squiddy.
"Electro-Shark Therapy", grins the stranger, holding up an eel...

"How about you?", someone asks Mrs.Squid.
"Not me," she says shaking her head. "This is where we separate the eels from the Ellesmere!".....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Dec 17 - 09:07 PM

A troupe of depressed but wonderfully bearded Irishfolk enter, calling for Redbreast 21. After being served they retire to the súgáns around the fire.

Interested, the man in the corner asks the nearest one where they were from.

"Trá Lí," the Irishman (named Seamus, not that it matters) replies. "We're here to commit suicide, though."

"Er, why?"

"Well, we're all from Trá Lí. Kerry, you know," Seamus said.

"Ah!" he exclaims. "I understand now! It's time for Hairy Kerry!"