BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 12 Feb 18 - 12:39 PM

The dropbear goes off to the showers, needing to get cleaned up.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 12 Feb 18 - 12:37 PM

The non-giant wombats with mops and dustpans, clean up the excrement left around by GregtrF, making the Tavern, once more, a place for decent people to come and enjoy themselves.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 12 Feb 18 - 12:30 PM

One female rodent in the corner sheds a tear. " I loved that asshole." she says.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 12 Feb 18 - 12:28 PM

The dropbear falls upon the asshole, GregtrF, and tears out his intestines and wraps them around his neck. The asshole still keeps spreading excrement all over Mudcat.

Everyone cheers.

The squirming body of the former GregtrF is dragged out to the beach for the gulls to feast upon.

A vast celebration is prepared, to celebrate.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Greg F.
Date: 12 Feb 18 - 12:20 PM

Without warning a giant bearded asshole splashes excrement all 'round the Tavern whilst screaming nonsense. Having seen and heard the same act many times before, the patrons shake their heads and go about their business.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 12 Feb 18 - 12:11 PM

The assorted Chorii come down from the loft, and hum along with the cats as they snore.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 10 Feb 18 - 03:18 PM

The old lady (who is already too fat) cannot resist the delicious food on offer this evening. The cats are slinking forward like little commandos on their bellies, heading for the very tempting fishy smoothie.
The smiling African hasn't decided yet which of his many special Ivorian outfits he's going to wear, but soon he arrives in a shiny turquoise bazin suit with dark green embroidery. He adores the lovely offerings on the table, and thanks the Tavern chef most sincerely, as do the cats and the old lady.
Unfortunately, the entire group doze off, having very full stomachs. There is soon the sound of loud snoring; even the cats snore.
It's the Snoring Chorus. With big smiles.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 10 Feb 18 - 03:08 PM

A takeout order of stuffed grape leaves( vegan, stuffed with rice and spices), hummus, babaganoush, and large flat loaves of Middle Eastern bread are picked up by beardedbruce for tonight's pot luck.

A tray of herring and cream smoothies, each topped with an anchovy, are brought out for the cats.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 09 Feb 18 - 04:15 AM

Around Christmas time here in UK, there are Christmas tree-shaped crumpets on sale. But the points on the shape get too hard in the toaster. I like round crumpets the best.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 08 Feb 18 - 08:36 PM

I guess the Tavern goers were properly taught( as decent people) tha if you can't say something nice, you should say nothing at all.

I will take it that non- round crumpet rings are NOT a Good Thing.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 07 Feb 18 - 08:54 PM

Square. I hate cell phone autocorrects.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 07 Feb 18 - 08:50 PM

Tech note:
Here in the US, crumpet rings are also listed as egg/ pancake/ cookie rings. But the height of "proper" crumpet rings seem to be larger than the rings so labelled.

And I invite civil comments on such variations as heart and squeeze shaped "rings"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Feb 18 - 04:04 PM

It wasn't wee, it was a LARGE amount, if you add up all the flasks...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 06 Feb 18 - 01:52 PM

A fresh batch of crumpets is brought out.

They are good enough to inspire sonnets.


Freshly churned butter has been brought, as well as home-made orange marmalade.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 06 Feb 18 - 08:22 AM

(never post from a phone)


The non-giant wombats surround GregtrF with their brooms and dustpans, waiting to sweep up all the crapets he is producing.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 06 Feb 18 - 06:34 AM

The non- giant wombTs surround GredtrF with their brooms and dustpans, wily sweeping up the crapets he is producing.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 06 Feb 18 - 03:58 AM

SmokeyPokey, the chief Siamese cat, hurries over to Greg and whispers in his ear. Greg begins to smile. It wasn't wee at all, but some excellent Glen Morangie, which each cat carries in a tiny flask for special occasions.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Greg F.
Date: 05 Feb 18 - 10:09 PM

Q.E.D. Brucie.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 05 Feb 18 - 01:54 PM

Several Siamese cats go over to GregtrF, and piss in his glass of vinegar.

Fresh crumpets are brought out for the dancers.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 05 Feb 18 - 01:01 PM

The African is wearing a long tunic over trousers, all made from a material called 'bazin'. It's emerald green and very shiny. Around the neck and down the front is intricate and colourful silvery embroidery, and a huge embroidered design decorates the front panel. On his head is a little close-fitting white, crocheted cap. He has pointy red leather shoes.
The old lady is in pale blue cotton trousers, a cream flowing top, and her trusty sandals.
She pulls out her old Hohner harmonica and plays a sailor's hornpipe.
The cats dance on their back legs with their front paws folded.
Old Speckled Hen ale flows into everyone's glass, and a Toast is given:-
"To all at the Tavern, God bless us every one!"

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 05 Feb 18 - 10:11 AM

{html victory digression: Woo hoo! "Mom" in Hungarian, composed of particles meaning kind, sweet, mother, owned-ness (her being *my* mom), and ownership (the tea being a favorite *of hers*). Klingon ain't got nothing on it, as I discovered, ha ha, on the Star Trek cruise. I am so punny.}

The wombless bat crashes into the Ivorian dancer, knocking him off his stilts and into the barrel of smoothies. That should take the edge off! cackles the old lady with the melodeon, who is just happy to have been missed by the furry and human projectiles...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Greg F.
Date: 05 Feb 18 - 10:08 AM

Amazing.

BS Bruce can even manage to weaponize and pollute a harmless thread like this one!

And be permitted to do so.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 05 Feb 18 - 10:03 AM

African in full African costume was rather vague, but the dance being Ivorian gave me a cool visual... man, I really enjoyed the 60's en brousse.

And Russian Caravan was the favorite kedvesédesanyámnak, sniffs the wombless bat, doing a spinny pentagram in flight whistling engineer songs so the html will work. Avoiding train **wreck* songs so as not to twist the mojo... Reduced to Monkey and the engineer, the bat flies faster than intended, but doesn't hit anything because, well, it's a *bat*.

Lessee if it works.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 05 Feb 18 - 09:44 AM

A small gaily-decorated launch is seen tying up at the quay.
Out step an African man in full African costume, a rather plump old lady carrying an enormous Victoria sponge cake, and several Siamese cats wearing jolly little ruffs and with bright ribbons on their tails.
They enter the tavern smiling, and the party begins.

The cats perform the Siamese Moggie Polka.
The African performs an Ivorian dance.
And the old lady plays her melodeon.

Crumpets, kilos of butter and all the other good things are served, while the cats get fatter and fatter from gorging on the delicious creamed tuna.
The old lady dances in turn with the wombats, Donuel, Beardedbruce, the wombless bat, the Squid and all the other customers in the tavern.

The noise is tremendous and there are big smiles all round...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 04:27 PM

A large batch of crumpets are being prepared, in advance of the expected larg takeout orders. "Tugo" pakages of 6 crumpets, a pound of butter, and a 12 oz jar of ginger marmalade are being stacked on a table by the door.

A large barrel of cream and tuna fish smoothies is rolled out.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 04:10 PM

No need to steal it, just come and join us. Donuel left his credit tab open, and funding 24 hour a day crumpet tastings is covered. Bring your friends! Bring your cats.

Fresh cream is available, as is butter, ginger preserves, and a nice Russian Caravan black tea.

Costumes are not required, but politics should be left at home.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 08:56 AM

The egg would be a nice addition beardedbruce. And make the crumpets very rich. I would also use fresh yeast, and add a little sugar to get it fermenting nicely.

When I make scones I add an egg to the mixture once I've rubbed the fat into the flour. It makes them much tastier.

The old lady and her African husband have finished up all the drone-obtained stolen crumpets. They are contemplating a night-time raid on the Tavern, as they've heard a new batch (from a delicious recipe) is in the making.
They're preparing their disguise. Should it be Batman and Robin? Or Yogi Bear and BooBoo? Mr and Mrs Blobby? Perhaps Popeye and Olive Oyl?...the discussion continues.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 08:52 AM

More butter.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 08:43 AM

That was a 1747 recipe.

Eat with butter; jam; jam and butter; butter, jam, and butter; butter, butter, jam and butter;...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant woumombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 08:36 AM

Senoufou,

Tried the following, from James Townsend ( redacted from "The Art of Cookery" by Hannah Glass)

1 cup whole milk
1 cup hot water
   Mix together to make lukewarm mix
Then 1 egg
    Whisk together
Add
1 tsp instant yeast
    Whisk together
Add
2 cups flour (we used Organic All Purpose)
Mixed, cover and let rise 1 hour

Make crumpets

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 04:10 AM

Just flour, water and yeast. The butter goes on after they've toasted.
Tons of it. Tons and tons of it...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 10:26 PM

Tech question: Should crumpets include eggs, or just yeast, flour, baking powder, and butter?

Enquiring crumpet eaters want to know.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 05:10 AM

Hoping that Donuel has learnd a lesson, the alley gator waves off the dropbear, who, shaking his head, goes to sleep nearby. The non-giant wombats hold onto their brooms and dustpans, in case Donuel leaves any more crapets around.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 04:33 AM

The drone is returning, with two Siamese cats clinging to its grabbers.
It gently deposits the cats beside the jelly pit, then carefully hoists Donuel out. The cats tenderly lick Donuel all over, until he has no more jelly on his face or clothes.
Giving him a cheerful Siamese 'miaow!' they grasp the drone's extensions in their teeth and head off out to sea towards the cruise ship, where the old lady and the cheerful African man await them.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 02 Feb 18 - 05:39 PM

The blowfish jump out of the jello pit, and wiggle slimely out the door.


Strains of " you can tell a man who boozes by the company he chooses" as the blowfish slowly squirm away from the pit with Donuel in it.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 02 Feb 18 - 03:17 PM

The dropbear hauls Donuel over to the jello pit, and pushes him under.


More goodies are brought out.

"Why didn't she just ask for takeout?" The giant wombat mutters.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 02 Feb 18 - 01:48 PM

The dropbear comes down on Donuel, carrying him off screaming. The crapets are swept up and disposed of.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 02 Feb 18 - 07:38 AM

An irritating buzzing is heard overhead. A small drone is making its way towards the tavern, bearing a sack and some metal grabbers.
Hovering above the breakfast table, the grabbers extend downwards and seize all the good things, while the sack is deployed to receive them.
The machine then flies swiftly away out over the sea, leaving the diners completely stunned...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 02 Feb 18 - 07:34 AM

Russia needs your distrust in America

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 02 Feb 18 - 06:49 AM

The giant wombat wakes, looks around, and joins beardedbruce for breakfast, looking out the wall of window/doors at the beach.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 01 Feb 18 - 05:37 AM

Just got a jar of apricot preserves for my next batch of crumpets.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 31 Jan 18 - 01:00 AM

Donuel,

So dollar size pancakes would be crepets?


And small, short, nasty comments would be crapets?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 30 Jan 18 - 08:53 PM

crump, crap, crepe

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 30 Jan 18 - 06:56 PM

Technical Question:
If one takes a bowl of crumpet dough and puts it into a pan , and cooks it as a single
Item, is it a giant crumpet, or a crump ?

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Mrrzy
Date: 30 Jan 18 - 09:16 AM

Les chiens aboient, la caravane passe, mutters the wombless bat, estivating.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: beardedbruce
Date: 29 Jan 18 - 08:55 PM

Beardedbruce, returning from his birthday crumpets ( made from scratch), brings out a salad for the non-giant wombats.

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 26 Jan 18 - 03:56 PM

this shanty CD....

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Severn
Date: 26 Jan 18 - 03:54 PM

"Mr. Crumpet don't like it,
We ain't gonna have it here......"


....sings the ghost of the late Frank as he Stokes the fire, remembering when Beale Street was still chic ......


"I know plenty of Dodo songs," says Severn after not being able to find anything in a book from the shelf. "Especially when I don't know the words."
"That's because you are looking in Roger Peterson's Tory Field Guide." says Gnu. "That one only covers the UK."
"I also know a lot of Balkan songs", he tells gnu. "Especially when I forget the words."
Gnu goes back to the bar and orders a drink....




Meanwhile, aboard ship, somebody remarks, "If it wasn't for ocean liners, all ththe water would leak out. It says so in the ocean liner notes of nawthe

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Senoufou
Date: 26 Jan 18 - 09:25 AM

The African chap has an idea, and calls for the Cat Army to come down into the hold. Four by four in perfect step they descend the companionway. In stern Malinke he orders them to eject the crates of drugs, and push them overboard. He only needs to pronounce the magic word once and they spring into action. "Cheeeeeken!"

Meanwhile, up in the State Room, the old lady, having awakened from a refreshing nap, is tucking into yet another plate of toasted crumpets dripping with butter...

Subject: RE: BS: A giant wombat wanders into a Tavern
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Jan 18 - 09:07 AM

If this were a Disney cruise there would probably be dancing Rinos, crumpets and bears but on the good ship Miss Hap the entertainment is mighty thin. All they have is Muzak and a Mentalist act by a guy who goes by The Mind, Bendy Bruce. In the State Room the show is about to
begin

The powerful African surreptitiously sneaks o thee hold where he has only 68 more tons of wet cargo to throw overboard, but how?