BS: Irish jokes!

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Feb 18 - 08:06 PM

Make it a locked room then . No 50 shades reference intended, ick.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Kenny B (inactive)
Date: 06 Feb 18 - 06:15 PM

I didn't know he was into BDSM

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Feb 18 - 05:35 PM

I know what is funny.
Its when someone else falls down a manhole or telling Don Rickle jokes to a restrained Jim Carrol until he laughs.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Feb 18 - 04:05 PM

My favorite Belgian joke-from-the-French-point-of-view involves fries, of course, and cannot be told, it must be acted out.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: BobL
Date: 06 Feb 18 - 03:59 AM

It was, IIRC, Dave Allen who explained during a discussion on such jokes that, in essence, the Irish have two languages, and that "Irishisms" happen when English words are given the connotations of their Gaelic equivalents or vice versa. Which is interesting as the same could be said of at least some other butt-of-jokes nationalities - e.g. Belgians, Newfoundlanders. However the doesn't seem to apply to the Swiss.

Neither does it explain the story of the Irishman who cut the end off an overlong extending ladder - which the manager of the hire shop swore was true.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 05 Feb 18 - 10:22 AM

OK, puns are funny and don't poke fun an anyone. But most jokes do, yet many of them are funny and in poor taste/offensive.

I still don't find most terrorism jokes funny, but that doesn't mean I think nobody should be allowed to tell them. People who know me don't tell them to me, and that's enough.

By the same token, keep your sexist and racist jokes out of the office, but not necessarily out of your lives, if they are funny, the jokes I mean, not your lives.

Why don't women have brains? Because they don't have a penis to carry'm around in! is a funny joke you can't tell at the office, even though it is funny. Yes it's sexist, but it's still funny.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Vic Smith
Date: 05 Feb 18 - 09:23 AM

Here's one that did make me laugh?

What's black and blue and floats in the Irish Sea?

People who tell Irish jokes!"

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Donuel
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 05:56 PM

Libertarian people of no race whatsoever have the freedom to be offended by everything.

Extinct races like the Tasmanians have nothing to say or be offended about.

The Irish race to procreate aggravates the advocates of pedigree and class but there isn't a mongrel from Donegal who is neither comical or prodigal when asked.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Jackaroodave
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 09:12 AM

Mrrzy: "Um, it was Mary, not Jesus, who was coceived immaculately."

Yes, Mary's conception without Original Sin is the whole point of the joke. As a former teacher, I could empathize with Jesus' thinking, "The ONE person who ever lived who could spoil my lesson, and she shows up."

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Jackaroodave
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 09:08 AM

Well, as long as it's Sunday, in the interest of ecumenicism: As a Buddhist, I found these two pretty funny.

Q. What did the Buddhist say to the sandwich vendor at the ball game?
A. Make me one with everything!

. . . . . . . . . . .

After the man received his sandwich, he gave the vendor a $20 bill. The vendor just smiled. The Buddhist demanded, "Where is my change?"
The vendor replied, "O, one with everything, change comes from within."

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 09:05 AM

Um, it was Mary, not Jesus, who was coceived immaculately. That is why she could be the mother of god. If you buy into any of that.
I just got to visit our old family friend who was the Peace Corps doctor who saved my life when I got malaria in the 60s. I should have died, they all said.
I am in the field that finds "in poor taste" and "offensive" to be fairly synonymous. But what is funny about jokes that aren't poking fun at *something*?

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Kenny B (inactive)
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 08:51 AM

Thanks Jackaroodave for your post and your comment about Flanders and Swann , spot on
My Mudcat "Wee Frees" should have been   "Mudcat Wee Frees" I think you know who I mean. My comment was about the attitude of banning anything enjoyable rather than anything religious.

I would refer those who don't know about it to the song
The story that I started at the Kirk Soiree
I'm sure Flanders and Swann would have appreciated this too

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Jackaroodave
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 08:50 AM

That's what I suspected, Senoufou. So if the joke is also a dig at the PFC and other Protestants, it has more layers than I thought.

When I was active in the Portland (Maine) Food Co-Op buying club, I picked up and delivered a friend's order on Passover as a Pesach goy. Not quite a Shabbos goy, but similar.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Senoufou
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 08:24 AM

Protestants in general and particularly the Wee Frees do NOT subscribe to the doctrine of the Immaculate Conception. There is no scripture to support it, and they believe that only Jesus was conceived without 'sin'.
I was much amused Jackaroodave (but not surprised) to see that their website is closed on a Sunday!
When I lived in Edinburgh as a student, I lodged for a time with a Presbyterian family, and one Sunday foolishly did a bit of hand-washing of underwear in my little sink. When I went outside to hang it on the washing line, all hell broke loose. One would think I was dancing naked in the garden.
I was told in no uncertain terms never, ever to do such a wicked thing again. With trembling hand I unpegged my little vest, knickers and bra and slunk indoors.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Jackaroodave
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 08:08 AM

Kenny B: "That should really appeal to the Mudcat "Wee Frees"
They will be banning fighting and cannibalism next and even posting on Mudcat a view contrary to theirs"

I was puzzled by the reference to the Free Presbyterian Church, so I went to their website to check on their views about the Immaculate Conception, but it was closed for the Sabbath. No joke.

Question: Is Cannibalism allowed on mudcat?

It would seem that Cannibalism should be allowed. As Herodotus testifies,

"When Darius was king of Persia, he summoned the Greeks at his court, and asked them what they would take to eat the dead bodies of their fathers. They replied that they would not do it for any money in the world. Later, in the presence of the Greeks, he asked some Indians, Callatiae, who do in fact eat their parents' dead bodies, what they would take to burn them. They uttered a cry of horror and forbade him to mention such a dreadful thing. One can see by this what custom can do."

On the contrary, Cannibalism is not allowed, for as the learned doctors Swan and Flanders note, "Eating people is wrong."

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Senoufou
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 07:47 AM

Oh my Lord Bonzo, a dentist is no joke, especially on a Sunday.
Good luck with that!

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Jackaroodave
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 07:15 AM

Kenny B's joke about Mary's immaculate conception sounds like a Catholic insider joke to me, since without a knowledge of that dogma, it has no point. As such, except for the superfluous first five words, I enjoyed it, though not a Catholic; theological jokes are rare on the ground.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immaculate_Conception

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 06:46 AM

Thanks Senoufou, that's a relief! We are off to see our dentist for some torture - on a Sunday???

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Kenny B (inactive)
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 06:45 AM

During Jesus's tour of Ireland a woman was crouching in a corner with a crowd around her preparing to stone her to death. Jesus stopped them and said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fired off a stone at the adulteress. At which point Jesus looked over and said, "Mother! Sometimes you really pis me off!".

That should really appeal to the Mudcat "Wee Frees"
They will be banning fighting and cannibalism next and even posting on Mudcat a view contrary to theirs

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Senoufou
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 06:21 AM

That's okay Bonzo. I've always liked you and I'm glad you meant no harm.
I've enjoyed all the funny jokes on here. It's like pulling Christmas crackers and reading the jokes inside.

Oh, and 100. (No, not my age, post number 100!

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 04:49 AM

My goodness Senoufou, I'm so sorry about your brother in law, no wonder you are upset by my post, it was just a play on words written by a comedian.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 04:44 AM

Murphy came home to his Mrs and said 'Did you know that O'Reilly next door got a vasectomy""? She replied ~" Nooo, he didn't keep his Nissan long then'!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Rob Naylor
Date: 04 Feb 18 - 02:39 AM

When I worked in Ireland the locals I worked with constantly told the same "jokes" I knew ad Irish jokes.... But with Kerrymen as the target! Go figure.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: robomatic
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 11:20 PM

Rollo is telling mule-skinner jokes to Ryan, who is a mule skinner. Finally Ryan's had enough. "Listen, give me a break, tell me a joke about people other than mule skinners!"
Rollo: "Okay, who do you want in the joke, then?"
Ryan: "Oh, make it about saddle tramps. Can you do that for me?"
Rollo: "Certainly my man, okay, let's see. Got it! There's these two saddle tramps, see?"
Ryan: "Yeah?"
Rollo: "And they're skinnin' this mule, see?" . . .

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: meself
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 07:13 PM

Oh! That makes it okay, then ..............................

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 05:50 PM

In reality it's just Jimmy Carr playing on words and how they're structured in a sentence. He does it all the time and is a master at it.?

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 05:45 PM

Jimmy Carr's mosquito nets joke!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 03:31 PM

It’s not my joke, it’s Jimmy Carr’s.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 03:14 PM

What do you people expect
For crying ot loud let him strew in his own swill - you're just giving him what he wants - he's using you to get himself off
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Senoufou
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 02:30 PM

Bonzo that is absolutely disgusting and I'm surprised at your insensitivity.
My husband's young brother died of malaria.
How could you post something so cruel!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 01:58 PM

Not nice, Bonzo, not funny, not appropriate, not tasteful.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 01:45 PM

African joke - If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Thompson
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 01:09 PM

Still waiting to read a joke on this thread that makes me laugh.

The "people have lost their sense of humour" trope always reminds me of a piece I read many years back by a woman who was treated to many jokes about her breasts by the engineers in her workplace.

If I have the story right, she came in one day with a T-shirt with "CRANE" printed on the front, over her bosom. Some of the men came up and asked her what it meant, and she said that it was because it was useful for erecting penises.

They didn't find it funny. She was sacked.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Senoufou
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 12:59 PM

Pole O'Mint - of Polish/Irish extraction.

It's most annoying when people make jokes about 'thick' Irish folk.
My mother (from Cork, with an extremely Irish name!) was a very very intelligent woman, and witty with it. She had a wonderful way with words and could imitate any accent perfectly. She also made us laugh with puns and wordplay, and could do difficult crosswords at breakneck speed. All her family were the same. And my nieces have inherited these traits too.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 12:46 PM

We knew German bloke called Herman who loved swimming. Always referred to as Herman the German merman.

And my Dad always had Polo mints on him which he often offered round so his work colleagues used variations of the Pole with a mint - Honest!

:D tG

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Senoufou
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 12:16 PM

Maybe if he'd been a composer of music he'd have been more bearable.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Senoufou
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 12:00 PM

Hahaha Steve!
I used to be polite and speak a bit of German to him. When Ronda finally dumped him (and who could blame her?) he had the absolute cheek to ask her for my phone number, as he said he actually fancied me more than her!
Not just a banker but a w*****!!

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 06:55 AM

"He was called Hans-Werner"

Look, no Henze?


(Cultural joke...)

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 06:28 AM

"Great Irish joke!!!"
In reference to the "miserable" accusation earlier, surely the most miserable people on the planet are those who need to seek out racial or social inferiors to justify their own existence
Anonymous trolls who are too ashamed to reveal their identity are surely the lowes form of this spevies
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 06:17 AM

Great Irish joke!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 06:06 AM

Mrs Murphys' husband Mick, worked at the Guinness Brewery in Dublin. The police (guarda) arrived at her door which she answered. 'To be sure Mrs Murphy, we have to tell you that your husband Mick died this afternoon in a vat of Guinness' said one of the men. 'OH NO' said Mrs Murphy. 'Did he die quickly'?..... 'No' said the Guarda man. 'He got out three times for a pee'

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 04:15 AM

"Maybe that is why you are so miserable."
Nom me who has to go through life talking down to individuals and other races to prove prove I am superior
Nothing misrable about my life or my music - on the contrary - I'll end my life happy hoping that others will be lucky enough to do the same
Jim Carroll

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Senoufou
Date: 03 Feb 18 - 03:51 AM

Many years ago one of my friends, Ronda, had a German boyfriend. He was called Hans-Werner, and never have I met a more humourless individual.
He was a banker from Munich and had the characteristic that, if asked his opinion, he just gave it, no holds barred.

We were all going out to dinner together, and Ronda appeared in a very nice outfit. She had bright red hair and always looked super. She foolishly asked him if he liked her dress. He replied,
"You are much too fett Ronda, und so it is much too teit. You need to loosss a lot ov weight."

We called him Hans, Knees and Boomps-a-daisy behind his back.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: robomatic
Date: 02 Feb 18 - 10:40 PM

I was visiting an American friend in Munich, in his flat, with a German friend when the subject of ethnic jokes came up. My American friend made the comment that Americans tell Polish jokes. With no hint of a smile the German guy said:

"Vee do not find ze Poles to be zat Humorous!"

Maybe you had to be there.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 02 Feb 18 - 09:02 PM

Not the theatre-goers, I hasten to add. Plymouth City Council. Cynical moneygrabbing gits.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 02 Feb 18 - 07:31 PM

Jim hasn't got a miserable bone on his body.

Just been to the ballet at Theatre Royal in Plymouth. Parking for the evening show has just cost me six quid, and that was after queuing at the car park ticket machine in a cold street for half an hour as everyone came out at once. The bastards.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Iains
Date: 02 Feb 18 - 05:43 PM

" stereotyping bullshit like this is an indication of people who don't have to earn their living from the use of a vehicle"
I guess you walk around with your eyes shut. Maybe that is why you are so miserable.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Mrrzy
Date: 02 Feb 18 - 05:35 PM

Now that is funny.

The rental place in Ireland was amazed that we Yanks brought the car back undamaged... had apparently never yet happened. But I was taught to drive by French West African traffic, maybe that helped, though I only drove every other day.

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Bonzo3legs
Date: 02 Feb 18 - 05:24 PM

The cork is no problem at all at all once it's out of the bottle!!

Subject: RE: BS: Irish jokes!
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 02 Feb 18 - 05:13 PM

where the use of a car is a necessity, and is recognised as such by the authorities, I have no hesitation in choosing wheer is the most pleasant and convenient place to live
Parking in Britain is somewhere between predatory business and a blood sport - stereotyping bullshit like this is an indication of people who don't have to earn their living from the use of a vehicle
For a major city, Cork has no major traffic problem - unlike any city in Britain
Jim Carroll