Subject: BS: On my gravestone From: olddude Date: 18 Apr 18 - 01:34 PM I want written...finally no taxes Ugh I hate tax season feel like I am paying Stormy Daniels but only getting jack Daniels in a bottle |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: olddude Date: 18 Apr 18 - 01:47 PM However our idiot governor will probably figure out a way to tax dead people some how |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: beardedbruce Date: 18 Apr 18 - 01:51 PM Hey, olddude, the dead get to vote ( for Democrats, it seems), so why shouldn't they pay taxes? |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: keberoxu Date: 18 Apr 18 - 01:55 PM One retired health practitioner of my acquaintance, conversant with folk remedies and holistic medicine, says their epitaph ought to be: Here lies Dr. **** in spite of castor oil |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: olddude Date: 18 Apr 18 - 01:59 PM I also want i told you I was sick |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Dave the Gnome Date: 18 Apr 18 - 02:00 PM "I told you I was ill!" |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Peter the Squeezer Date: 18 Apr 18 - 02:19 PM |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Peter the Squeezer Date: 18 Apr 18 - 02:21 PM Sorry - hit the button too early Olddude - Spike Milligan beat you to it, but it had to be written in Irish Gaelic. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/southern_counties/3742443.stm |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: olddude Date: 18 Apr 18 - 02:22 PM Great minds think alike lol |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: gnu Date: 18 Apr 18 - 03:02 PM "He devoted his death to medical science."... assuming Dalhousie Medical School will accept my corpse. They have high entrance standards and, then, there is the fire code to consider. Hazardous waste, eh? >;-) It's a good deal. They pay everything! The round trip (maximum three years), the cremation of whatever they don't throw on the barbie, the urn... it's a hell of a deal. Plus, you get to designate who gets the urn so you can get you shipped to a jurisdiction that doesn't require a burial. That way, whoever gets the ashes can dump them in the toilet and sell the urn for at least enough to buy a bottle of the pure. Win-win-win I'd say. |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Mr Red Date: 18 Apr 18 - 03:04 PM I think we can be sure the Twitler got to Jack Daniels............ |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: gnu Date: 18 Apr 18 - 03:13 PM Yeah, I know. |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: olddude Date: 18 Apr 18 - 03:35 PM Burn me up put me into a coffee can. I like coffee and well one last smoke |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Dave the Gnome Date: 18 Apr 18 - 03:46 PM Please don't bury me in the cold, cold ground I'd rather have them cut me up and pass me all around You can blow my brain in a hurricane The blind can have my eyes The rest can take both of my ears If they don't mind the size There y'are. Music thread now courtesy of Mr I find :-) DtG |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: DMcG Date: 18 Apr 18 - 05:59 PM "An epitaph is a pretty poor way of remembering me.' |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Steve Shaw Date: 18 Apr 18 - 06:08 PM Spike was 100 yesterday, so how appropriate that we remember his epitaph! It was inscribed in Gaelic though, I believe, thus: "Duirt me leat go raibh me breoite." |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: BobL Date: 19 Apr 18 - 03:46 AM I've arranged for my body to be offered for medical research - no worries about not being really dead if I get dissected. However they might not be able to use it - e.g. if I get mangled, have bits missing or die of something horribly contagious, or if they simply have enough bodies already - so a normal funeral may have to be arranged. In which case I don't mind what happens to my remains, I shan't be there. A Biblical quote which keeps coming to mind as my possible epitaph, with a slightly different meaning when out of its original context, is from Ecclesiastes ch.3 v.4 "A time to mourn, and a time to dance". |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Paul Burke Date: 19 Apr 18 - 05:57 AM He didn't realise it's never too late until it was too late. |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Georgiansilver Date: 19 Apr 18 - 06:43 AM Would have been better if you remembered me whilst I was still alive!! |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Nigel Parsons Date: 19 Apr 18 - 07:00 AM Veni Vidi Bibi |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Nigel Parsons Date: 19 Apr 18 - 07:11 AM "When I am dead and I'm in my grave No costly tombstone do I crave Just lay me down in my native peat With a jug of punch at my head and feet" |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Jos Date: 19 Apr 18 - 08:11 AM Bobl, you say: "I've arranged for my body to be offered for medical research - no worries about not being really dead if I get dissected." Personally, I'd be even more worried about getting dissected if I'm not really dead. |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Jim Carroll Date: 19 Apr 18 - 08:21 AM "I've arranged for my body to be offered for medical research " Me too, which deprives me of the chance to echo an elderly native of Miltown Malbay who told his family "Put me in my coffin face down so they can all come and kiss my arse" Jim Carroll |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Dave Hanson Date: 19 Apr 18 - 08:28 AM When I die, don't bury me at all, Just lay me away in alcohol. Dave H |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Rob Naylor Date: 19 Apr 18 - 08:41 AM "I was here on Earth for XX years and all I got was this lousy headstone" |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Senoufou Date: 19 Apr 18 - 08:50 AM 'Don't mourn for me now Don't mourn for me never. I've gone to eat crumpets for ever and ever.' |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: gillymor Date: 19 Apr 18 - 09:26 AM "Pardon me if I don't get up" or, better yet- "Enjoy yourself it's later than you think" from one of my favorite songs. |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Donuel Date: 19 Apr 18 - 09:35 AM old dude - classic. |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Mr Red Date: 20 Apr 18 - 02:25 AM I pprefer a tree planed above me...... So people can see - he is tree-mendous I'll get my shroud...... |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: BobL Date: 20 Apr 18 - 02:54 AM "Personally, I'd be even more worried about getting dissected if I'm not really dead. " Ah, but you see, someone would be bound to notice. |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Senoufou Date: 20 Apr 18 - 03:44 AM "Here lies Eliza. They tried to surprise her With a very large spider Which they set down beside her. She jumped up and fled. And now she's dead." |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Nigel Parsons Date: 20 Apr 18 - 06:33 AM "Here lies Eliza. They tried to surprise her With a very large spider Which they set down beside her. She jumped up and died. And how Mudcat cried." Cheers Nigel |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Senoufou Date: 20 Apr 18 - 06:52 AM Hahahahaaaaa Nigel! How very kind of you. :) Actually there was one in our bedroom yesterday evening, enormous blooming thing. Husband put it outside, and I managed not to die of fright. As I recently renewed my life insurance, I wonder if it was he who put it there in the first place??? |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Rapparee Date: 20 Apr 18 - 04:17 PM Legally hanged. |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Dave the Gnome Date: 20 Apr 18 - 04:27 PM Well hung? :D tG |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: olddude Date: 20 Apr 18 - 08:26 PM Fishing for angels |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: olddude Date: 20 Apr 18 - 09:35 PM Death by chocolate |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: punkfolkrocker Date: 20 Apr 18 - 10:34 PM It seems some of us are in similar mind on this subject... My headstone...??? "Why did you waste good money on this nonsense. You know how much I despise parasitic funeral service businesses. I told you I wanted a cheap cremation, or better still donating my body to any medical science that would take it off your hands for nothing. Or ideally even pay you a few quid for it...!!!" |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: olddude Date: 20 Apr 18 - 10:52 PM Exactly I want the money spent on a party and dump my ashes |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: JennieG Date: 21 Apr 18 - 02:39 AM As do I, Dan! However I would like the assembled multitudes......all right, perhaps two or three.....to burst into song with "So long, it's been good to know you". Seems a fitting last song, to me. |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Dave the Gnome Date: 21 Apr 18 - 03:30 AM My uncle Dennis had the theme to 'The Great Escape' played at his funeral :-) |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Rusty Dobro Date: 22 Apr 18 - 02:39 AM I'm guessing that this one, (from the Charnel House at Bury St Edmunds) caused some thoughtful discussion at the time: Here lies interred the Body of MARY HASELTON A Young Maiden of this Town Born of Roman Catholic Parents And Virtuously brought up Who being in the Act of Prayer Repeating her Vespers Was instantaneously killed by a flash Of lightning August the 16 1785 Aged 9 years |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Jim Carroll Date: 22 Apr 18 - 05:44 AM How about S*** - didn't see that coming Jim Caaarroll |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Jim Carroll Date: 22 Apr 18 - 06:27 AM Must dig out my copy of "Grave Humour" - full of classics Jim |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Rusty Dobro Date: 22 Apr 18 - 08:58 AM And another from Bury St Edmunds churchyard: Reader Pause at this Humble Stone a Record The fall of unguarded Youth By the allurements of vice and the treacherous snares of Seduction SARAH LLOYD on the 23d of April 1800 in the 22d Year of her Age Suffered a Just but ignominous Death for admitting her abandoned seducer into the Dwelling House of her Minstrefs in the Night of 3rd Oct 1799 and becoming the Instrument in his Hands of the crimes of Robbery and Houseburning These were her last Words May my example be a warning to Thousands. (Personally, I've always quite enjoyed the treacherous snares of seduction.) |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Mooh Date: 22 Apr 18 - 10:21 AM No grave, thank you very much. Just spread my ashes in the woods, or in the lake. Or leave my corpse to rot in the woods. I will accept a monument though, Parliament Hill would be a nice place for it. On it, let it be written, "You too, Mooh?" That is all. |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: olddude Date: 22 Apr 18 - 09:42 PM My favorite fishing hole is a good place for me |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: olddude Date: 22 Apr 18 - 09:44 PM Wasn’t it wc fields that wrote rather be here than in Philadelphia |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Senoufou Date: 23 Apr 18 - 03:36 AM There's a new burial place which they've opened not that far from us called 'Bluebell Wood', where they have a system of burying folk in cardboard caskets and tree saplings are planted. Very natural and there's an ancient ruined church on the site, so the ground is consecrated. They've put up a sort of wooden circular hut for mourners. There are no gravestones or monuments of any sort, so it just looks like...well... a bluebell wood. In UK a burial must be recorded as to its position, so presumably they keep a record of who lies where. I'd like to be plonked there. I love Billy Connelly's monologue where he describes a cemetery in Glasgow for all Christians. But they've built an underground wall between the Catholics and the Protestants. He was really convulsed at the idea of the corpses of different persuasions trying to get at each other under the ground! |
Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone From: Jos Date: 23 Apr 18 - 12:48 PM Sounds perfect - the bluebell wood, not the segregated cemetery. I've already specified in my will that I would prefer a woodland burial, and DEFINITELY a cardboard box, don't waste good wood on a flashy coffin. |