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BS: trust and the aitch-word

keberoxu 14 May 18 - 12:45 PM
Senoufou 14 May 18 - 01:23 PM
keberoxu 14 May 18 - 02:06 PM
Mrrzy 14 May 18 - 03:43 PM
keberoxu 14 May 18 - 06:53 PM
Joe Offer 16 May 18 - 02:52 AM
Senoufou 16 May 18 - 03:15 AM
Joe Offer 16 May 18 - 04:03 AM
Charmion 16 May 18 - 09:40 AM
keberoxu 16 May 18 - 11:16 AM

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Subject: to trust, to heal
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 May 18 - 12:45 PM

The aitch-word in question is h-e-a-l.
This four-letter word has a sticky reputation here at the Mudcat forum,
as can be observed with a filtered search of thread-names.
Between 1999 and 2001, there was, if anything, a surplus of threads requesting the aitch-word
in the form of thoughts, energies, good mojo, prayers even,
whatever one calls it,
in a situation of crisis or acute illness, or extreme treatment.

Then came September 11 and a lot of rage and anger, along with the rest of the grieving process.
That, too, is eloquently witnessed to in a superabundance of Mudcat threads.

Today, as before, there are Mudcatters who post or who open threads,
requesting a certain kind of supportive attention from their fellow members; and what they request, under conditions of risk, need, threat, difficulty, even crisis, is probably the same heart connection that it always was.
Only, today, people are careful how they use the aitch-word along with other words like prayer, so as not to give offense.

Why do I bring up trust?
I am looking for a word for something emphasized in my post-traumatic healing process, by the therapist who worked with me through childhood abuse issues. This experienced professional remarked -- I paraphrase --
that abuse as deep-reaching, and as early in the development of character and personality, as the abuse experienced by me,
will not heal without a connection to something with a power greater than my own.
Actually the professional called it something else which was understood between them and me, however it might be misunderstood by the habitués of BS-Mudcat so I will not use that word here.

Trust is one of the worst casualties of abuse, and trauma messes with it as well.
Does a recovering survivor go through life, trusting nothing and no one;
or is trust possible after the worst is over?


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Subject: RE: BS: trust and the aitch-word
From: Senoufou
Date: 14 May 18 - 01:23 PM

I think the 'Higher Power' which Al Anon and AA etc refer to is perhaps beyond the capabilities of people who are atheists and reject the concept of a God or a Spirit.

I also think 'trust' is quite an elastic idea, as one can trust to some extent, trust with firm boundaries or trust completely/foolishly and lay oneself open to abuse.

'Healing' is all very well, but sometimes people's inner wounds leave scars which can't be healed, merely adapted to and worked around, like a kind of disability.

Some would say 'forgiveness' is a powerful healer, but I don't always agree. Some things one may have suffered at the hands of bad people are actually unforgivable, despite what Church authorities advocate.

I'd say the safest way forward is first to trust oneself. In other words, to believe in one's own power to judge, and to listen to one's own instincts. One can learn to rely on oneself, calm and support oneself and advise oneself. A sort of inner core of strength.

I'm truly sorry you've had bad things in your past to deal with keberoxu. I do hope you can find peace inside yourself in time.

Eliza


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Subject: RE: BS: trust and the aitch-word
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 May 18 - 02:06 PM

Thanks, Eliza/Senoufou, for your uncommon common sense.

And yes, trust in oneself is a biggie!


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Subject: RE: BS: trust and the aitch-word
From: Mrrzy
Date: 14 May 18 - 03:43 PM

Trust is the earliest Eriksonian stage and thus underlies the others... Good therapy can go back and come forward more constructively, and I wish you the best.


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Subject: RE: BS: trust and the aitch-word
From: keberoxu
Date: 14 May 18 - 06:53 PM

Never did learn Erikson,
I only got as far as Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
Sounds like Erikson is next.


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Subject: RE: BS: trust and the aitch-word
From: Joe Offer
Date: 16 May 18 - 02:52 AM

Yeah, we had dozens and dozens of smarmy threads requesting "good thoughts and prayers" for healing for thus-and-such. This happened Way Back When, maybe 1999-2001. They got to the point of being ridiculous - threads asking for healing for people found in newspaper stories, people that nobody even knew - holding them up to the light and all that other shit. And the responses were always the same sappy aphorisms, time and time again.

I admit that I was one who reacted to such threads with strong and constant sarcasm.

I sure as hell don't want to see them come back.

-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: BS: trust and the aitch-word
From: Senoufou
Date: 16 May 18 - 03:15 AM

I agree that asking for healing from unknown and unseen faces on a website is a rather tenuous source of hope for the suffering person. But many forums can offer support, opinions, suggestions etc which can be helpful. After all, the person seeking this may be totally alone in the world and rather desperate for a solution.

In our Church, a person is nominated each week to compile prayers of intercession which are offered during the Sunday Communion service. They include situations in the news, requests by people we may never have met, troublesome or important events in our Diocese and so on. I'm sure the prayers are sincere and as 'worthy' as any other type of aid.

I reckon one of the most important and serious casualties of abuse/trauma etc is self-esteem. Suffering these sorts of things can make one doubt one's worth. One can become placatory, subservient, anxious to please and thus very vulnerable. Self-esteem is hard to re-build, but I think it's important to do this, otherwise one is open to yet more abuse.


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Subject: RE: BS: trust and the aitch-word
From: Joe Offer
Date: 16 May 18 - 04:03 AM

Well, we kinda made an agreement 20 years ago to keep such things off Mudcat because too many of us found them inappropriate for a worldwide folk music forum. That kind of thing can be nice, but not at Mudcat.
Joe


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Subject: RE: BS: trust and the aitch-word
From: Charmion
Date: 16 May 18 - 09:40 AM

I agree with Joe, and I have a suggestion for those who feel a need to post -- Facebook.

For some 30 years now, I have been increasingly irked by strangers' self-nominated involvement in the agonies of others, from inept journalists shoving microphones under the noses of the bereaved ("How do you *feel*?") to those who turn up the day after some horrid incident of mass death to hug each other and deposit teddy bears and plastic-wrapped bunches of flowers at the scene. It creeps me out.

Call me a cold-hearted so-and-so, but I figure that if I don't know any of the dead well enough to attend the funeral, I have no business making a fuss for the TV cameras.

Likewise, I believe that one should keep quiet unless one has something more substantive to offer than "good thoughts" or "light" in response to a post about a Bad Thing That Happened.


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Subject: RE: BS: trust and the aitch-word
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 May 18 - 11:16 AM

These points are common sense and I agree with them,
chastened, having been part of the smarm brigade all too recently.


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Mudcat time: 17 August 2:52 PM EDT

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