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Would Love Some Feedback On New Song

GUEST,Mathew 30 Jul 18 - 02:41 PM
The Sandman 30 Jul 18 - 05:26 PM
GUEST,Grishka 30 Jul 18 - 05:44 PM
GUEST,Modette 30 Jul 18 - 05:52 PM
The Sandman 31 Jul 18 - 05:43 AM
GUEST,Captain Swing 31 Jul 18 - 07:34 AM
GUEST 31 Jul 18 - 08:45 AM
GUEST,leeneia 31 Jul 18 - 03:07 PM
GUEST,paperback 31 Jul 18 - 03:46 PM
The Sandman 01 Aug 18 - 03:56 AM
GUEST,Mathew 01 Aug 18 - 04:31 AM
GUEST,Mathew 01 Aug 18 - 04:32 AM
Thompson 01 Aug 18 - 04:32 AM
Mr Red 01 Aug 18 - 05:09 AM
Mr Red 01 Aug 18 - 05:16 AM
GUEST,Mathew 01 Aug 18 - 07:28 AM
Mr Red 02 Aug 18 - 03:32 AM
Thompson 02 Aug 18 - 04:04 AM
The Sandman 02 Aug 18 - 04:15 AM
GUEST,Sol 02 Aug 18 - 08:58 AM
The Sandman 05 Aug 18 - 03:41 AM
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Subject: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: GUEST,Mathew
Date: 30 Jul 18 - 02:41 PM

Hello everyone,

I wrote this song a while ago and just now sat down for a video. I would love to know what my fellow folkies think about this song.

Mathew Ferrari - Morning Coffee

Thanks again and cheers!


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: The Sandman
Date: 30 Jul 18 - 05:26 PM

I wont comment on anything other than performance, you need to improve the clarity of your diction your guitar is marginally too loud for your voice, are you American ,if you are not ,why sing with an American accent


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: GUEST,Grishka
Date: 30 Jul 18 - 05:44 PM

You clearly have potential, and you're still young.

The song seems too monotonous - unless justified by the lyrics, of which I hardly understand a word. Some variation, if only in the accompaniment, would be a plus.

Watch what the others do, and please don't focus on Bob Dylan - that job is taken once for all!

You seem to be a US citizen of Italian descent - perfect in terms of image.


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: GUEST,Modette
Date: 30 Jul 18 - 05:52 PM

Buy a decent shirt,young man!


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: The Sandman
Date: 31 Jul 18 - 05:43 AM

can you put lyrics up, so they can be read we can then make comments about lyrics ,i cannot understand what you are singing about


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: GUEST,Captain Swing
Date: 31 Jul 18 - 07:34 AM

I echo the sentiments above, particularly about diction (though not about the shirt). Don't take it too personally though Matthew as it seems to a trait endemic among younger singers these days that they don't feel the need to sing their lyrics clearly. In the pop and rock world perhaps this is less important but if you are interested in the world of of folk music you must understand that communication is everything. When you sing your song imagine your are telling a story, try to capture and maintain the interest of your audience.


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: GUEST
Date: 31 Jul 18 - 08:45 AM

I agree with the diction comments.

I try recording myself with ridiculously precise enunciation. On playback it sounds nothing like as silly as it feels in the mouth.
I then slacken it off till, I hope, I get a good compromise.

On 95% of live & recorded music I find the instruments mask hearing the words properly. It might be my old ears.
I prefer it when the voice is about twice the volume of the backing.

I love the line
"watch the world burn through my coffee steam"

[Could do with more pirates & death ... imho
;-) ]

~~~~~~~~~
btw , lyrics are in the video description section


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 31 Jul 18 - 03:07 PM

Well, Matthew, you don't have to answer this. I want you to ask yourself if your song is a real statement about your life, or is it just show biz? Either way is all right, but if the song reflects your actual life, then I think you should talk to somebody about the possibility of depression. Your song and your tone seem so discouraged and tired.

I admire your nimble guitar playing.


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: GUEST,paperback
Date: 31 Jul 18 - 03:46 PM

Keep up the good work


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: The Sandman
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 03:56 AM

Yes you have developed a good standard of finger picking, you could take that further by learning carter style finger picking for variation, the next step after that is to try drop d guitat tuning and even other tunings open g, open d dagad etc, open g dgdgbd is very useful as a transition to learning 5 string banjo.


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: GUEST,Mathew
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 04:31 AM

Thank you for the feedback everyone, I really appreciate it.

I will definitely try the recording idea to help my enunciation, I never even considered that as a factor.


I will check out carter picking, I hadn't hear of that before but will start researching immediately.

I've tried tuning down before, but at the time I'm not sure if I was ready, perhaps it is time to revisit.


I'll put a decent shirt on in my thirties ;)

Thank you everyone, posts like these are what helps me grow as a musician.


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: GUEST,Mathew
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 04:32 AM

Here are the lyrics,


It's been so long, since I had a heartache
I learned not to lend my heart if I don't want it to break
But I'm no stranger to love that lasts a night
All of those feelings are gone by the light

I think I'll always be whiskey and smokes
I won't have children to tell bad jokes to
I've always been a lech and a rake
I've left a trail of broken hearts in my wake

Morning coffee is the only love I need
She doesn't bother me as I sit and read
The newspaper on a five inch screen
I watch the world burn through my coffee steam

So I've been roving, yeah I'm gone
I don't know what road I'll find my true love on
But if on that road, my love I meet
Well she can come along right on next to me

So I've been a roving, I've been away
I might meet my love any day
And maybe then that roving will stop
And then I'll have to buy another coffee cup

And we'll drink morning coffee, the only love we'll need
She won't bother us as we sit and read
Our newspapers on five in screens
We'll watch the world burn through our coffee steam
We'll watch the world burn through our coffee steam

We'll watch the world burn through our coffee steam


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: Thompson
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 04:32 AM

Nice song, well delivered. Get a few pals together to work with and to bounce ideas off each other maybe, a few who play different instruments? More input would enrich the song.


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: Mr Red
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 05:09 AM

Don't be put off with comments above. But use them for the next song. Remember the immortal Theodor Sturgeon. Sturgeons Rule is "9 tenths of everything is crud". And Shaw's Gambit "the Golden Rule is that there are no Golden Rules". (George Beranard Shaw - he said a lot of things) - use their advice wisely.

Think- how long did it take to ride a bike? It took a few goes to learn, if you remember. Songwriting ain't that much different, just far more complex. And even Bob D had a few turkeys.

I always say, all you need for a song is the itch that needs scratching, it has to come out. If the itch is to "write a song" then you get a song. If the itch is an injustice over something, you probably get a better song. If the itch is love of someone - you is in crowded territory, it better be good to stand out. If the words are important, let them be to the fore, but that is about delivery. Performance can make or break a song.

Songwriting is a learned art, like anything else and it is complex art, the song doesn't have to show that complexity, except to other songwriters, the most evocative songs are remarkably simple to an untrained ear, but evocative. Less can be more, if you are clever with it.

Basically keep going. You will notice things. Try learning a Sea Shanty - the reason I recommend that is that they are rhythmical for a reason, they have humour, they have rhyme, near rhyme and often rhyme refused. And repetition/joining-in. Their rhythm is designed to co-ordinate people. It may not be your style, but that is all part of the learning. Stretch yourself, you don't have to perform those songs, but you benefit from exposure to them.

Oh and welcome to the Mudcat. We are a disparate group. We bicker, we support, we carp, we joke, we - are just human in all its multifarious weaknesses.


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: Mr Red
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 05:16 AM

BTW don't try BAGDAD tuning, if you suffer from Iraq-nophobia.






I'll get my coat...............


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: GUEST,Mathew
Date: 01 Aug 18 - 07:28 AM

Great advice, thank you!


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: Mr Red
Date: 02 Aug 18 - 03:32 AM

I well remember two** significant observations. They basically said "You fall in love with the song/instrument/role of the moment.

**from: A musical wife of a musician learning the banjo.
& Windsor Davis - a fine ac'torrrrrr.

By all means launch the song when new, see how/where it fits best. But to find its real worth, come back to it in a year or two's time. See how it stacks up against more recent fare. But most of all keep writing. Remember 9 tenths.


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: Thompson
Date: 02 Aug 18 - 04:04 AM

And it's important to work with others. Lennon and McCartney really only made it when they went to Hamburg and played night and day for a critical crowd (that wasn't afraid to express its criticism with thrown tomatoes and worse), and bounced ideas off each other and fed each other their influences and changed each other's music and lyrics. They always remained individual songwriters, but their cross-fertilisation enormously improved their music.


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: The Sandman
Date: 02 Aug 18 - 04:15 AM

if you wantto learn carte style guitar [it works easiest in c and g have a look at donovan, colours works easily, have alook at the lyrics of his ng turquoisae it is a good example of [imo ] good pop writing
Your smile beams like sunlight on a gull's wing
And the leaves dance and play after you
Take my hand and hold it as you would a flower
Take care with my heart, oh darling, she's made of glass

Your eyes feel like silence resting on me
And the birds cease to sing when you rise
Ride easy your fairy stallion you have mounted
Take care how you ride, my precious, you might fall down

In the pastel skies a sunset I have wandered
With my eyes and ears and heart stRained to the full
I know I tasted the essence in the few days
Take care who you love, my precious, he might not know


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: GUEST,Sol
Date: 02 Aug 18 - 08:58 AM

FWIW, the thing I noticed immediately when I first heard a recording of myself singing was how lazy my diction was. As a result, I worked on my pronunciation and the difference was amazing. Try it and I'm sure you will be pleasantly surprised.
My only other comment would be that the guitar work, while excellent, would benefit by introducing a very basic pick style (and/or maybe add a slower part)in one section to give a bit variety to the dynamics of the song as a whole.
You're well on your way, Matthew. Thumbs up.


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Subject: RE: Would Love Some Feedback On New Song
From: The Sandman
Date: 05 Aug 18 - 03:41 AM

As regrds improving song writing ,my advice would be study Ewan MacColl LeoN Rosselson, RalphMcTell


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