Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Donuel Date: 27 Aug 18 - 06:52 PM Everything King Donald MidAss touches turns to crap. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Joe_F Date: 25 Aug 18 - 10:43 PM The absent are never without fault, nor the present without excuse. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Donuel Date: 25 Aug 18 - 07:47 AM Life, to soon old too late shmart |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Joe_F Date: 24 Aug 18 - 01:28 PM The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second by our children. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Donuel Date: 24 Aug 18 - 06:14 AM Pecker in a vise Whats in his safe Mueller needs advice For the great disgrace |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Joe_F Date: 22 Aug 18 - 05:45 PM The vulgar have vulgar notions of vulgarity. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Donuel Date: 22 Aug 18 - 09:59 AM VOTE TRUMP or else |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Donuel Date: 22 Aug 18 - 09:55 AM RISE ABOVE THE LAW VOTE REPUBLICAN please? RISE ABOVE MORALITY VOTE TRUMP |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Joe_F Date: 21 Aug 18 - 11:53 PM Sex is an impediment to reproduction whose biological function is to complicate life. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: G-Force Date: 21 Aug 18 - 05:10 AM Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Steve Shaw Date: 20 Aug 18 - 09:26 PM Illegitimes non carborundum. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Bill D Date: 20 Aug 18 - 09:07 PM "You look good in everything you eat." ...from my dad, who an interesting way of commenting on people's habits. ----------------------------------------------------------- Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Joe_F Date: 20 Aug 18 - 08:42 PM When there's no news in the truth, there's no truth in the news. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Steve Shaw Date: 20 Aug 18 - 05:30 AM People in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones. (Rest of joke on request) |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Joe_F Date: 19 Aug 18 - 10:16 PM We console ourselves by giving good advice when we are too old to set a bad example. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Donuel Date: 19 Aug 18 - 05:59 PM "Property speculators should not be allowed to buy matches... " pfr |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 17 Aug 18 - 04:10 AM I am disappointed. This thread had 56 posts for ages so the heading had 2 x 56's in it :-) |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: BobL Date: 17 Aug 18 - 04:02 AM A newspaper headline that ends in a question mark may be answered "No". |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: John on the Sunset Coast Date: 16 Aug 18 - 10:12 AM If you start a sentence with "I don't think", I believe you. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Joe_F Date: 15 Aug 18 - 10:12 PM Deficient contact with reality is called mania. Excessive contact with reality is called depression. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: DMcG Date: 15 Aug 18 - 04:22 AM See thread title |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Steve Shaw Date: 15 Aug 18 - 04:18 AM Give a man a bucket of coal and you'll keep him warm for the night. Set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: DMcG Date: 15 Aug 18 - 01:56 AM To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason is like administering medicine to the dead, or endeavoring to convert an atheist by scripture. - Thomas Paine (abridged) |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Donuel Date: 14 Aug 18 - 06:22 PM Coming soon, a blind generation |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Joe_F Date: 14 Aug 18 - 06:17 PM Many are born impatient; the lucky ones become cabdrivers. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Donuel Date: 14 Aug 18 - 04:09 PM Tuesday afternoon after lunch is the most cosmically compressed time in which everything gets done. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Steve Shaw Date: 13 Aug 18 - 08:56 PM From one of my university mates in the early seventies, not directed at me, I hasten to add! "You're all right, pal, but I don't like you because your shit stinks. Nothing personal, you understand..." |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: kendall Date: 13 Aug 18 - 08:11 PM I wouldn't call him a liar, but if he wants his dog to come, he has to get someone ese to call it. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Kenny B (inactive) Date: 12 Aug 18 - 06:30 PM There are only two ways to deal with women ….. and neither of them works |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Joe_F Date: 12 Aug 18 - 06:22 PM The universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Steve Shaw Date: 12 Aug 18 - 08:24 AM "What's up wi' thee? Tha's got a face as long as a gas man's mac..." |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Gutcher Date: 11 Aug 18 - 02:27 PM As my old mother was wont to say:--"They would skin a louse for its tallow" Now wild horses would not draw out of me who the "They" were she was referring to. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: wysiwyg Date: 11 Aug 18 - 12:03 PM If shit were wit I'd be glad you're so full of it. As it is though.... |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 11 Aug 18 - 11:23 AM I thought it was "if wit was shit, you'd be constipated". |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: KarenH Date: 11 Aug 18 - 09:02 AM "If wit was shit" sometimes as "If wit was shit we'd need a shovel" Used by my mother on a 'broad' day as a sarcastic put-down for somebody acting like a smart-arse. Must have been me, come to think of it. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Steve Shaw Date: 11 Aug 18 - 05:20 AM When my brother first moved to New Zealand, decades ago in those politically-incorrect times, he told me over the phone that "this is a country where the men are men, and so are half the women..." (He's still there!) |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: frogprince Date: 10 Aug 18 - 09:43 PM What this country needs is more men with real two-fisted guts on their shoulders. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Joe_F Date: 10 Aug 18 - 09:13 PM Thompson 08:00: In my family that was "You may be a pane, but I can't see through you.". When I recited a rude limerick to a friend of mine, he said "Do you eat with that mouth?". Failure of imagination is a weak form of courage and a strong form of cowardice. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Thompson Date: 10 Aug 18 - 06:18 AM The two kinds of drivers would also apply (in some drivers' minds) to the two kinds of cyclists: those who "hold up the traffic" and those who "race along country roads, the selfish gits". |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: BobL Date: 10 Aug 18 - 02:30 AM There are two kinds of drivers: Idiots (those who drive slower than you) and assholes (those who drive faster than you). There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge. There are two rules to success: 1) never tell everything you know. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Bill D Date: 09 Aug 18 - 03:28 PM There are only two kinds of people.... those who divide people into 2 categories and those who don't. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Steve Shaw Date: 09 Aug 18 - 01:34 PM Nah, there are actually only three kinds of people. Those who are good at arithmetic and those who aren't. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 09 Aug 18 - 08:55 AM There are only 10 kinds of people. Those who understand binary and those that don't. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Jim Carroll Date: 09 Aug 18 - 04:46 AM I was asked by a worrkmate in Liverpool once when I wasn't feeling too well "Are you ok - you're the colour of boiled shite?" Jim Carroll |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Steve Shaw Date: 09 Aug 18 - 04:43 AM "Blair and Brown are two cheeks of the same arse" (George Galloway) |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Thompson Date: 09 Aug 18 - 04:08 AM They broke the mould before they made him. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Bill D Date: 08 Aug 18 - 10:18 PM Strategy: A long-range plan whose merit cannot be evaluated until sometime after those creating it have left the organization. --------------------- Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment. ------------------------------ "There are millions longing for eternity who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon" |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: robomatic Date: 08 Aug 18 - 07:54 PM Something I heard on the radio the first time I was driving into Anchorage: "When you were born, Jim, they threw away the baby and kept the afterbirth!"! |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: wysiwyg Date: 08 Aug 18 - 08:24 AM He's so crooked, if he swallowed a nail he'd shit a corkscrew. ~S~ |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Thompson Date: 08 Aug 18 - 08:00 AM I'm fond of the American shout when people stand up in front of them at a concert or game: "Your ass ain't glass". |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Jim Carroll Date: 08 Aug 18 - 07:55 AM I was in a bar in Liverpool once when a customer reached for his pint and spilled half of it fown his shirt Quick as a flash, the barman said, "What do you want to do with that, drink it or wear it" Jim Carroll |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Thompson Date: 08 Aug 18 - 07:42 AM In our house dinner was hot tongue and cold shoulder. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Donuel Date: 08 Aug 18 - 07:21 AM A reasonable tweet from Trump is celebrated like a potty training milestone. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Dave the Gnome Date: 08 Aug 18 - 06:45 AM To err is human To arr is pirate |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Jim Carroll Date: 08 Aug 18 - 06:41 AM Antother of my mother's gems When asked "what's for dinner" she regularly replied "Cow's cock and hairy bacon" Jim Carroll |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Thompson Date: 08 Aug 18 - 06:32 AM Time flies like an arrow Fruit flies like a banana |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Steve Shaw Date: 08 Aug 18 - 03:41 AM Jim, a variant on that is "When you were circumcised they threw the wrong bit away." |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Steve Shaw Date: 08 Aug 18 - 03:39 AM "Illegitimes non carborundum" (don't let the bastards grind you down). |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Jim Carroll Date: 08 Aug 18 - 03:30 AM When I was a very green apprentice on the Liverpool docks a wonderful old tradesman, having tried to explain something to me half a dozen times said, "You know, when you were born they must have thrown the best bit away" Jim Carroll |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: BobL Date: 08 Aug 18 - 03:15 AM The skin is mightier than the banana |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Rusty Dobro Date: 08 Aug 18 - 03:06 AM I could agree with your argument, but then we'd both be wrong..... |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: DMcG Date: 08 Aug 18 - 02:22 AM "Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die." |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Joe_F Date: 07 Aug 18 - 10:07 PM Most of the evil in the world comes from nature, and most of the ugliness comes from art. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Donuel Date: 07 Aug 18 - 01:24 PM If you're having problems finding a solution to a problem, the problem is probably you. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Steve Shaw Date: 07 Aug 18 - 12:44 PM If Shakespeare were alive today he'd be turning in his grave. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Jim Carroll Date: 07 Aug 18 - 09:16 AM When I first tried may hand at singing my mother told me "If you were singing for shit you wouldn't get the smell of it" She later told me I had improved a litle Jim Carroll |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: gillymor Date: 07 Aug 18 - 09:02 AM It's no fun to drink alone, until you've had two or three. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Nigel Parsons Date: 07 Aug 18 - 08:46 AM "There's a sucker in every card game. If you can't see who it is, it's you." "Never put off to tomorrow what you can do today. If you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow." "Sex is good for one. - but better for two." |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Donuel Date: 07 Aug 18 - 07:15 AM “If you have to ask, you’ll never know. If you know, you need only ask.” |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Joe_F Date: 06 Aug 18 - 10:39 PM Only a unique solution need have all the symmetries of the problem. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Dave Hanson Date: 06 Aug 18 - 03:01 AM From John Sheehan," The Dubliners were playing in a country pub in rural Ireland,during the break an old man came up to to me and said, " tell me son, do you read music or are you gifted ? " Dave H |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Dave Hanson Date: 06 Aug 18 - 02:57 AM If I had a lower IQ I could have a decent argument with you. Dave H |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: BobL Date: 06 Aug 18 - 01:42 AM If you can remember the Sixties, you weren't there. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Joe_F Date: 05 Aug 18 - 09:22 PM If you are not paying for it, you are the merchandise. |
Subject: RE: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Bill D Date: 05 Aug 18 - 08:11 PM In the old days, the complaints about the passing of the golden age were much more sophisticated. ----------------------------------------- "Aujourd'hui ce qui ne vaut pas la peine d'etre dit, on le chante" from "Le Barbier de Seville" by Pierre- Augustin Caron de Beaumarchais and translates as: "Today if something is not worth saying, people sing it" |
Subject: BS: Clever sayings #56 From: Donuel Date: 05 Aug 18 - 05:58 PM If you are not at the table, you are on the menu. |