song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'

Subject: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 31 Oct 18 - 12:27 PM

Fed up with Halloween... then write a song...

I just started casually humming a Bob Marley / Eric Clapton hit
whilst up to my elbows in emergency home plumbing...

I've got as far as..

"I blocked the toilet
but I did not..."

further inspiration eludes me..

So I throw it open to you lot of Trad lavatorial comic song writers...

I have a DIY job to finish.......




I suppose I now ought to disinfect my mouse and keyboard as well...

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: SuperDave
Date: 31 Oct 18 - 01:13 PM

But I did not move to the Bidet!

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: Gallus Moll
Date: 31 Oct 18 - 05:35 PM

And i cud not flush the lava'try....

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: GUEST,Jerry
Date: 31 Oct 18 - 05:49 PM

.....Cos I didn’t shift the defecate.

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 01 Nov 18 - 12:19 PM

...but I did not block the sink, you see.

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: GUEST,Some bloke
Date: 03 Nov 18 - 04:34 AM

and all I wanted was a pee

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 03 Nov 18 - 09:33 AM

I blocked the loo,
and the loo won.

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 03 Nov 18 - 11:16 AM

Don't put those nappies down the bog,
Or the S-bend you will surely clog,
The tide is rising in the pan,
Oh no, it's overflowing, man!
Time to call your Dyno-rod buddy
Before your bathroom's wet and floody.
Next time you baby's done a poo,
Just please don't put it down the loo!

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 03 Nov 18 - 11:32 AM

That's the poo, not the baby! (My baby's gawn dahn the plug'ole, reminds me of!)

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Nov 18 - 01:12 PM

I...ummm... have had a couple of guests years ago who needed a song like that. They did not even warn me, and when they left I discovered the problem. I am fairly astounded that any human body can produce anything of that diameter..........

I tried to make this post as non-graphic as possible

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: oldhippie
Date: 03 Nov 18 - 02:57 PM

Just sing the old related song," I was Nixon's Plumber" by Sherwood Ross.

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 03 Nov 18 - 04:13 PM

I was sitting comfortably on the bog, waiting for nature to take its course. It was now three days since I'd dined with Hannibal Lecter, and although I could remember drinking with him, "A large Amarone", I couldn't recall what the main course was.
Three days of constipation was, I thought, coming to an end. My stomach was rumbling, and I could hear bubbles of gas escaping upwards, so I braced myself.
With a massive "Wharrump" my bowels evacuated. Feeling greatly relieved I couldn't resist looking in the pan. There was a large mass of brown crud, which I doubted the flush would clear unaided. Floating on top was a brown felt hat, of the type worn by the RCMP, or old fashioned Boy Scouts.
To my dismay, I realised that the old song had come true . . .


"I'd shat the sheriff"

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: GUEST,keberoxu
Date: 03 Nov 18 - 04:43 PM

For no sane reason whatever,
I look at the thread title alone
not the opening post, that is.

And instead of "I blocked the toilet"
I hear Elmer Fudd singing:

"I killed the WA - BBIT,
I killed the WA - BBIT ... "

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Nov 18 - 04:58 PM

"I blocked the toilet
but I could not play Angie
I sang in Irish
Even Though I'm from Bermondsey
I drank real ale
As i thought it made me folky
I wear an Arran jumper, a Chinese website sold to me...

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: Jack Campin
Date: 03 Nov 18 - 06:15 PM

You filled up my u-bend
Like a bucket of custard
Like a kilo of sweetcorn
Like paella from Spain
Like a bag of marshmallows
Or a too-late abortion
One flush just won't do it
Come flush me again.

(tune: Annie's Song)

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 03 Nov 18 - 06:16 PM

There's also that song about "How they tittered, how they laughed",...........
........then something about "stuck in the lavatory pan". A different form of blockage!
Anyone got all the lyrics?

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: David W
Date: 03 Nov 18 - 06:39 PM

I blocked the toilet
you see it's my first serial kill
the torso is jammed in the U-Bend
the water tank won't refill

the acid didn't melt the limbs
and the head just won't flush
body parts aren being spat out by the gasket
because I jammed them in all in a rush.

the blood in the bowl won't empty
and over flow is overflowing intestines onto the floor
the bathroom is like a scene from the exorcist
and the police are banging on the door

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 05 Nov 18 - 06:43 AM

Tattie Bogle: There's also that song about "How they tittered, how they laughed",...........
........then something about "stuck in the lavatory pan". A different form of blockage!
Granny's old armchair A little difficult to find as it's been spelt "Grannie's"
Nothing about a lavatory pan in the original song, but the thread does link to a couple of parodies.

Cheers

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Nov 18 - 09:22 AM

Turd world humor

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: BrooklynJay
Date: 05 Nov 18 - 05:49 PM

I blocked the toilet

...but I swear it was in self-defense!


Jay

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 05 Nov 18 - 06:54 PM

Thanks Nigel: yes, I have heard the Grannie's Old Armchair song, and the "lavatory pan" one is to rhe same tune, so, as you say, probably a parody of it. There's a lady who sometimes comes to our sessions who sings it, so will see if I can get the words from her.

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: Joe Offer
Date: 06 Nov 18 - 02:29 AM

This brings back...er, difficult memories. I had one child who frequently made the upstairs toilet overflow, and then the water would be trapped by the ceiling below. I finally drilled holes in the ceiling, so the water would drain to the place where it did the least damage....

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: Gallus Moll
Date: 06 Nov 18 - 06:20 AM

A guy who attends the Corbie Ha' ceilidhs sometimes feels moved (!) to sing me this ditty:

Plumbers of Dunoon
Plumbers of Dunoon
They'll be coming soon
Perhaps this afternoon
Plumbers of Dunoon

Don't give them any crap
Don't give them any crap
Or they won't fix your tap
So don't give them any crap
Plumbers of Dunoon

Your ballcock's broken too
Your ballcock's broken too
But they'll know what to do
They'll fix your ballcock too
Plumbers of Dunoon

--- I might not quite have the correct words -- ? Something like the above! And the tune is well known (I think) but don't ask me to name it - - I'll sing it if you stop me in the street!

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 06 Nov 18 - 09:02 AM

"Riders on the storm"?

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 06 Nov 18 - 09:36 AM

"Riders on the storm"

what an absolutely brilliant euphemism for floaters that stubbornly refuse to flush away...!!!

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Nov 18 - 10:40 AM

I blocked the toilet
and I did it with;

extra density
intensity                
necessity
integrity
barbarity
irregularity                
indemnity        
dexterity                
solemnity
telepathy

(and I did it in the rectory)

Subject: RE: song challenge 'I blocked the toilet'
From: Gallus Moll
Date: 06 Nov 18 - 02:58 PM

riders on the Storm is correct!
and - re floaters, don't you just hate it when you pop into a loo - particularly a public one, with a Q waiting after you - and there is one there left by someone else? Especially if you decide to use the facility, flush - - and the alien floater is still there (and there is still a Q outside----) aaarrrggghhh!!!
(Way back when Billy Connolly did a piece on this, was it on the Crucifixion album?)