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BS: the roadkill thread

keberoxu 05 May 19 - 05:23 PM
Jeri 05 May 19 - 06:11 PM
Joe Offer 05 May 19 - 07:48 PM
Sandra in Sydney 06 May 19 - 12:36 AM
Steve Shaw 06 May 19 - 06:53 AM
Donuel 06 May 19 - 07:01 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 May 19 - 05:43 PM
keberoxu 06 May 19 - 06:50 PM
keberoxu 07 May 19 - 04:59 PM
Joe_F 07 May 19 - 08:42 PM
keberoxu 07 May 19 - 08:49 PM
keberoxu 08 May 19 - 07:29 PM
keberoxu 12 May 19 - 04:20 PM
keberoxu 13 May 19 - 03:01 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 May 19 - 04:01 PM
Stilly River Sage 13 May 19 - 05:38 PM
keberoxu 13 May 19 - 05:45 PM
vectis 14 May 19 - 10:34 PM
Rob Naylor 15 May 19 - 05:21 AM
Donuel 17 May 19 - 05:44 PM
robomatic 17 May 19 - 06:50 PM
keberoxu 20 May 19 - 06:28 PM
Mrrzy 20 May 19 - 07:55 PM
Mrrzy 20 May 19 - 07:58 PM
Stilly River Sage 21 May 19 - 12:17 AM
keberoxu 21 May 19 - 07:40 PM
keberoxu 03 Jun 19 - 03:15 PM
keberoxu 05 Jun 19 - 02:39 PM
BobL 06 Jun 19 - 02:29 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Jun 19 - 06:09 AM
vectis 06 Jun 19 - 08:48 PM
keberoxu 08 Jun 19 - 12:39 PM
Jack Campin 09 Jun 19 - 02:45 PM
Mossback 09 Jun 19 - 06:26 PM
Jack Campin 09 Jun 19 - 06:43 PM
Joe_F 09 Jun 19 - 08:29 PM
robomatic 09 Jun 19 - 09:21 PM
keberoxu 10 Jun 19 - 12:18 PM
robomatic 10 Jun 19 - 04:25 PM

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Subject: BS: the roadkill thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 May 19 - 05:23 PM

'Tis the season, fellow Mudcatters,
when spring fever moves in man and beast,
and some critters,
like squirrels,
have got their minds on, ahem, other things
when they should be looking both ways before they cross the road.


The newly dispatched grey squirrel,
which I just drove past on the side street,
lay on one side,
and one hind leg stiffly stuck forward and out
for one more scramble ...


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Jeri
Date: 05 May 19 - 06:11 PM

I wrote this last year in the midst of all the carnage on one particular section of road. Guess the tune.

The Fur-Lined Highway

I've been drivin' these streets so long
Now there's a different song
Here, it is rural, these ain't the streets of Broadway
But hustle's still the name of the game
And slow guys get flattened to soak up the snow and the rain
There was a load of oaks and acorns
Now you're sacrificin' each first-born
And I gotta go where all the little corpses be

On the fur-lined highway
Driving in my car, it's a squirrel-spangled rodeo
On the fur-lined highway
It's a dangerous game - do they even know?
And there's another diving under my wheels

Well, I shouldn't mind the bumps
Cuz you can only kill 'em once
But I cringe goin' over the lumps
That used to be tree rats
And I dream of winter's breath
When the snow covers up the sad evidence of death
There'll be a load of oak trees growin'
In the place where they are goin'
But I'm gonna be where the lights are shinin' on me

On the fur-lined highway
Driving in my car, it's a squirrel-spangled rodeo
On the fur-lined highway
It's a dangerous game - do they even know?
And there's another diving under my wheels


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Joe Offer
Date: 05 May 19 - 07:48 PM

And that, of course, brings back a thread from the early memories of Mudcat:

It also reminds me of my visit to the Catspaw Shrine in Bremen, Ohio. Bremen is far south in Ohio, in a land rich with small mammals. For miles around Bremen, the highways are covered with the carcasses of roadkill. They don't have deer and bears and mountain lions like we have here in the California Sierras, but Bremen has lots and lots of little critters, all over the road.

Brings back happy memories.

-Joe-


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 06 May 19 - 12:36 AM

& here in Australia we have kangaroos which travel by jumping, including into the road! Cars & trucks can kill them, but they can also kill & injure people in cars.

Wombats grow to about 40 inches long and can weigh between 44 and 77 pounds & are a species that walks straight ahead - whether onto roads, or thru garden fences etc.

As misguided settlers brought with them the game animals (rabbits, hares & foxes as well as other animals & birds) they were used to at Home (notice the capital letter, my parents generation & those before them referred to UK as Home)) they also contribute to roadkill - latest menace in the news are feral deer that can do as much damage to a car as a kangaroo!

I once annoyed my driver by counting the road kill.

There used to be a food supplier at Festivals using the name Roadkill Cafe - but they sold ordinary festival food.

So I googled the name & there is a real Roadkill cafe in Darwin!


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 06 May 19 - 06:53 AM

"Brings back happy memories."

???

Tasty, were they, Joe? :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Donuel
Date: 06 May 19 - 07:01 AM

In Ohio we saw bear cubs roadkill. Unusual.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 May 19 - 05:43 PM

The road-killed animal I see most often is the greasy gray-furred pancake. Oddly, I've never seen a live specimen, only dead ones.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 May 19 - 06:50 PM

It was April or May -- more likely April -- decades ago,
when it was necessary to cross central Texas by car,
headed for eastern Oklahoma,
west to east.

And never in my life have I seen
more dead skunks in a shorter amount of time
and distributed across so great a distance.

The most noteworthy occasion of the drive
was when, after the sun went down,
a very much alive skunk positioned itself in the middle of the road
and waited for my car;
then when my car got close enough for me to see it,
the skunk rose slowly and with great emphasis,
seems like it was up on two legs actually in memory,
like it was daring me to run it over.

I drove around the little weirdo.

Whoever eventually must have run the skunk over,
it was not I who did it.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 May 19 - 04:59 PM

Sometime -- not now, though --
I must regale you all
with my account of
driving eastbound towards Austin, Texas,
and seeing my first *********
as roadkill,
never having seen a real live one
except in photographs.

It certainly got my attention.
(Then I saw a real live one further down the road.)


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Joe_F
Date: 07 May 19 - 08:42 PM

I heard, some years ago, a song about someone who made a sport of roadkilling, and eventually attempted a hippopotamus or something of the sort. I think it was called Flanimals, but Google yields something quite different under that name.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 May 19 - 08:49 PM

A biology professor has written
a tongue-in-cheek guide to North American roadkill
called Flattened Fauna,
which I recommend
for its description of
"Road Toads"    (I've never seen one.)


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 May 19 - 07:29 PM

And now, opossums on the road, for some strange reason. Dispatched, I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 May 19 - 04:20 PM

In a class of its own:
roadkill in the RAIN.   
It's revolting.

Not the rain, that's not revolting in itself,
it's what the rain does to the roadkill …

if you've seen it,
you know what I mean.

And for those of you who haven't,
one thing that may be said is:
no,
the end result is not cleaner than it was --
not on a road with cars, trucks, motorbikes …   ugh.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 May 19 - 03:01 PM

how much wood
would a woodchuck chuck ... if ...

never mind.
Brought to mind by the latest roadkill.
Lovely fur pelt it had, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 May 19 - 04:01 PM

The only time I've seen a non-captive bald eagle (the national emblem of the USA) up close, it was feeding on a road-killed possum, behaving exactly like a common vulture/buzzard.

(The above is a statement of actual fact, not a political commentary.)


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 May 19 - 05:38 PM

The most magnificent roadkill-dining example I saw was in West Texas, when a huge golden eagle was perched on and tearing into a dead doe. I was heading west, the sun was low but not yet setting, and this was in silhouette as I crested the hill. Right beside I-10. I wish I'd gotten out the camera.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 13 May 19 - 05:45 PM

Donuel remembers Ohio for bear cub roadkill.

I remember Pennsylvania
(the turnpike and highways connecting to the turnpike,
so pretty much southern Pennsylvania)
for
fox kit roadkill.
Poor wee things.
So young were these red fox kits
that their pelts were more peachy-pink than orange.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: vectis
Date: 14 May 19 - 10:34 PM

Tone Def Leopard wrote a song about the Roadkill Cafe, maybe someone out there can remember the words.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Rob Naylor
Date: 15 May 19 - 05:21 AM

Vectis: Tone Deaf Leopard - Roadkill Cafe


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Donuel
Date: 17 May 19 - 05:44 PM

Recently I heard a Marvin Gaye song that was never released.
It was great and about elections.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: robomatic
Date: 17 May 19 - 06:50 PM

Somebody's moggie, by the side of the road...


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 May 19 - 06:28 PM

I, too, drove past someone's pet cat heaped against the curb
of a residential neighborhood, obviously killed.
A little tortoiseshell pussycat. Sigh.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 May 19 - 07:55 PM

Squirrels and people have a deal. I have never killed a squirrel since I found out about it *and* started sticking to it.

People: just keep your speed constant. Really- no matter what the squirrel is doing.

Squirrels: run back and forth like crazy and, if the car's speed has been constant, get out of the way at the last minute.

Apparently the forthing and backing is to give thair brains enough info on your velocity to get out of your way.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Mrrzy
Date: 20 May 19 - 07:58 PM

Get out- not get put. Oops.

I also learned there are 3 ages of roadkill: splat cats, fat cats and flat cats.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 May 19 - 12:17 AM

Mrrzy, since you made another remark I left both posts, but I repaired your typo. That's interesting about the back-and-forthness" thing that squirrels do. Do you happen to remember where you learned that? I'd love to see a documentary about how they figure out things like that.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 May 19 - 07:40 PM

I am guessing, Sandra, JennieG,
and others in Oz,

that quokkas are not roadkill
because the mainland quokkas
have been killed off pretty much
and
there are only island quokkas now ... right?
They look small enough
for an auto to flatten them.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 03 Jun 19 - 03:15 PM

I never meant to run over the fruitbats.
But run over them, I did.

It was at the national wildlife refuge called , I think,
Bosque del Apache,
south of Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Instead of the traditional dawn visit,
I went one day at dusk.
And of course the fruitbats were just waking up, and hungry.
There was my auto kicking up dust on
the access road through the refuge, and
the fruitbats were not ON the road but
in front of my car, hovering above the road.

In order to leave the refuge/preserve,
one has to take the same road out
that one came in.
So I duly retraced my 'steps'
and drove my auto in the other direction
down the same stretch of road.

And there they were.
No longer hovering above the road,
but on the road, unmoving.
And their membraned bat-wings
stuck up and out every which way, into the air,
like so many shredded inside-out umbrellas.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Jun 19 - 02:39 PM

Mrrzy, that tip about live squirrels watching an oncoming car
is new to me, and it fits well
with the little that I have observed in my years of driving.
I'm going to remember that one.

Another groundhog with stiff little legs sticking straight out …


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: BobL
Date: 06 Jun 19 - 02:29 AM

It's not summer until I've seen the first squashed hedgehog...


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Jun 19 - 06:09 AM

Here in the southeastern US, the industry standard for roadkill is the armadillo. An armadillo's response to a frightening situation is to try to get out of the way by jumping straight up in the air. That does not work very well when the frightening situation in question is being directly under a moving automobile. If you can avoid hitting an armadillo with your wheels, the play's not over. The armadillo will simply move on to the next act: committing suicide on the undercarriage of your car. That's why the carcasses of so many roadkilled armadillos appear to be undamaged and completely intact... until the buzzards get hold of them the next morning.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: vectis
Date: 06 Jun 19 - 08:48 PM

Here in New Zealand the possums, imported from Australia for their fur, are always getting run over by cars. We call them "New Zealand's little speed bumps".


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Jun 19 - 12:39 PM

The roads I drive on routinely,
it's groundhogs / woodchucks, of late. Poor stout fellows.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Jack Campin
Date: 09 Jun 19 - 02:45 PM

We moved here 20 years ago with our 5 cats. The word got around. A few weeks after we arrived there was a knock on the door, a cat had just been hit by a car, was it one of ours? It wasn't. I got to him in time to stroke his head as he died. The driver had been going far over the speed limit and the cat had been hurled far into the air. Driver never stopped, natch. Never identified.

About ten years later we had a little kitten, born in our house, who we'd had to get fixed up after she broke her hip (not cheap). Found her dead outside our house with her head crushed and her eyeballs hanging out. I think this was because she was sitting underneath a neighbour's car wheel and he started off too fast for her to move, but I never found out. Nobody admitted to it.

Shortly after that we came home from holiday to find that our little Persian cat Splodge had been picked up by the council's refuse collectors after a neighbour reported him lying dead in the gutter a block away. Never found who did that either.

The part of the village we're in is a big cul de sac. You can't be on your way to anywhere in a hurry if you're driving near us. Doesn't stop the macho shits from gunning their engines and treating the place like a race track. The one thing that slows them down is potholes. I fuckin love potholes. Hopefully I'll get to laugh and somebody with a smashed axle someday.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Mossback
Date: 09 Jun 19 - 06:26 PM

One might opine that you might have learned, after several such occurrences, to keep your cats indoors where they belong?


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Jack Campin
Date: 09 Jun 19 - 06:43 PM

Oh look, an Anerican redneck.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: Joe_F
Date: 09 Jun 19 - 08:29 PM

Bee-dubya: IIRC a U.S. president from Texas offered the following political advice: There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow lines and dead armadillos.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: robomatic
Date: 09 Jun 19 - 09:21 PM

I remember the armadillos in the road from a motorcycle visit to Florida. It was quite a sight first time.
I saw a cat get splattered once. I was in the American west on a motorcycle at night. The cat was waiting for a chance to cross and rushed in after the vehicle two places ahead of me had passed, but it hadn't expected the close following vehicle just ahead of me. It was a sickening sight but the driving situation did not allow for stopping at that place and time.
I live on a long straight run in a suburb just out of a full urb. Most people in my immediate vicinity own animals and are responsible. I saw a couple of loose dogs last week and was able to get the phone number off the dog's talk and place a quick call to the owner. Who turned out to be someone I used to work with. H shot over in his pickup got his dog in the back of it and we had a good yarn. Turned out he'd been installing a new electric fence and his pooch, a fine looking lab, chose for a rare bout of freedom.
There are some feral animals out there but they are few, because we also have bears, wolves, coyotes, foxes, and it turns out there is also urban trapping, quite legal if conforming to the city ordinances.


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 10 Jun 19 - 12:18 PM

Ever seen roadkill that, at first sight,
you did not have a clue what it is / used-to-be ?

Such was my first roadkill armadillo.

Had it jumped straight up in the air, as described
in an earlier post to this thread? who knows?

In any case, it was a very fresh kill.
Having been crushed entirely,
the remains were literally covered in bright-colored gore,
which made it that much more difficult to make out what was there.

But the real double-take-maker
was that business that looked like a bowl that had broken apart
into individual ribs which stuck out at all angles.


Miles and miles later down the same road,
in full sunlight with no other traffic, between towns in the fields,
leisurely enough that I could glance at what was moving about near the road,
I spotted motion in a shallow ditch,
looked at the little armored beastie creeping about,
and identified the live unharmed armadillo with
"Oh, THAT's what that was back there on the road..."

And during all those minutes / miles in between,
I was driving along,
running down a list in my mind,
eliminating all the possibilities of
roadkill for that gory mess I had driven around:

it wasn't a possum,
it wasn't a raccoon,
it wasn't a skunk,
it wasn't a groundhog,
it wasn't . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: the roadkill thread
From: robomatic
Date: 10 Jun 19 - 04:25 PM

that's the goriest blank verse I've ever read. . .

Well done, Keb!


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