MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Jan 20 - 08:52 AM

I dedicate this poem to my neighbor Rod Serling and his Irish Setters Randy and Rex. RIP

I suppose you don't know I have assembled hundreds of poems/lyrics on this site over 20 years. Now that they are all gone I remind you that Amos said I have the heart of a poet. He never said I had the mind or pen of a poet. :^/

now back to poopy pastures.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Jan 20 - 11:11 AM

Donuel, if you want to find those poems you can. It takes time, but they're all there, you just can't go to the entire thread at once. And there is the Mudcat Poetry Corner - didn't you post there as well? At least none of the MOAB poets are offering the maudlin pap that Walksabout Verse keeps sharing and re-sharing, living in the past and insisting on offering those backward-looking links. Amos put him in his place and and that pretty much took care of it, and you can tell Amos is gone now by the proliferation of bad poetry.

Back to the regular BS. Clever move on the hard drives, Donuel. Just so they don't cite Hillary for littering. . .

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: khandu
Date: 19 Jan 20 - 02:43 PM

I am not a guest, but I am aghast! I see fred has been mentioned recently on this thread. It has been a long standing unspoken understanding that the freds were no longer to be mentioned. Yet, there they are. Now, feral piiigs are certainly worthy of discussion. I myself ordered a flock of piiigs from Amazon. Unfortunately, I did not know the group name of piiigs. I thought they were called a "murder".

As a sad result, the Amazonians slaughtered a disturbing amount of innocent feral piiigs, thinking they were doing the King's will. In effect, I have been splattered with innocent blood.
Life has it's upsetting moments. The mention of freds and the murder of feral piiigs we're two of those upsetting moments and, amazingly, they occurred on the same day. Further investigation indicated they occurred the same hour (CST)!
This leaves me with a hanging head. I hate hanging heads. Therefore, I do only what I know to do...come to Mom and throw myself into her hopefully merciful and loving arms. That she may softly pat me and say, "There, there", or, perhaps, "Here, here".
I am aghast, with a hanging head to boot.

khandu

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Jan 20 - 03:11 PM

I used to think Walkabout verse had the gall bladder of a poet.
After a time consuming ressurection I might find 3 out of a hundred worth posterity. Most were like fast food. Instant gratification followed by regret. I recall 'cracks in my life' was better than I deserved. They're all in the wind and difficult to catch long enough to write down.

"I love you in a place where there's no space and time" came to me 20 years before the song. Rap has some originals that should be published before the MOAB credo* passes into obscurity.

* In obscurum uteri omnius flatulem qui consummtio eternum.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Jan 20 - 03:56 PM

Many of you don't know that BWL writes sit com for the Mom series.
Including him.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Jan 20 - 05:36 PM

There are several collective nouns that can be used to describe a group of piiigs. You can call them a "flooock" or a "heeerd" or just about anything as long as the word has three sequential instances of the same vowel. I prefer "shiiitload" myself.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Jan 20 - 06:07 PM

Down here in Texas they're called "barbeeeque."

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Jan 20 - 06:09 PM

By the way, I don't recall any edict about not mentioning freds. Perhaps I was out well on that day.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: GUEST, freds
Date: 19 Jan 20 - 07:31 PM

FROM: freds
TO: Khandu and similar putrid sorts

We have been elsewhen but were jerked back by a mention of us by someone called Khandu.

Like a genie, we must now do his, her, or its bidding.

What is your wish, Oh King?

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Jan 20 - 11:27 PM

Don't ya think there's something a bit fishy about a bunch of ETs who once attempted to have khandu for lunch now promising to do his bidding?

Personally, I would trust freds about as much as I'd trust a Nigerian prince hawking reverse mortgages door-to-door.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 Jan 20 - 11:50 PM

Heck, you don't need to go to Nigeria to find fishy Nigerian prince hawking reverse mortgages door-to-door—Steven Mnnnnunchin is best friends with an American "investment" scoundrel who steals homes from thousands of Americans via reverse-mortgages (Obama gave them too much leeway and Trump has no interest in fixing that problem).

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: khandu
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 12:17 AM

I am befuddled and bedazzled. More on that later.
Bee-dud, I am in awe of your knowledge of feral piiigs! You astound me, as you have always astounded me. Perhaps astonish is more fitting. Amaze, hmm, naw, astonish.
Nonetheless, I do think that had I ordered a muuurder of piiigs, the results would have been the same. It would have, according to the 3-vowel-rule, been proper to do so, yet equally as deadly. This is why I have the hanging head. Some things just have no good solution.
As to the freds, no, there was no edict as such. There was, if you recall, as I stated last Eve, a "long-standing, unspoken, understanding". Surely, you remember us not speaking of it. We didn't speak of it constantly in your presence. I clearly remember several times it was unspoken. I also remember your not objecting...am I not correct?

Now that we have settled that (permanently, I trust), on to my bedazzlement and my befuddlement...
It is my understanding that guest cannot post "below the line" as they say, in the .BS section. One must be a member to post down here.
Yet, clear as transparent dookie, there us a post by a " guest: freds"!
With that, I believe this is an imposter trying to get me to thinks freds will do my bidding when the reality of it is that freds never want to do my bidding! Nay! They only want to suck out my natural vitality and strength, leaving me a helpless and hopeless mass of gelatinous goo, as I have seen them do to people like Harry Lee Wigley and Sheeny Knause. You recall them? How long has it been since you heard of them? Huh?
Nay, this poster is an imposter. But how did he post as a guest where no guest may post?
I am not a god but I am agog.
khandu

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 09:10 AM

freds, I suspect, can override our puny technology. I seem to remember that they have said, somewhere, that they use Gluon as a saddle horse.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 09:33 AM

Steve, freds, Trump, piiigs, this place is suddenly surrounded by villains. Is self defense warranted? If so the smallest but most powerful weapon there is the space balm (nano sized black holes) that would suck villains off to another space and time.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: khandu
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 11:20 AM

I have been considering space balm. It is an extreme measure but freds are an extreme threat unless their extremities are removed. Sadly, this removal is done by having the freds to eat discounted two week old KK donuts where the crisp costing has liquified
The difficulty is not getting them to eat the previously mentioned donuts, freds love them. The problem is knowing where to purchase fresh discounted two week old KK donuts. As described above.
khandu

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: khandu
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 12:14 PM

They use glue on their saddle horse? How odd. But they are an odd species.
Yea, I am sure you are correct about their ability to override our technology. In many ways, they are a brilliant bunch. Indeed, except for their stupidity, their childishness, and their obsession with Joan Crawford porn, they are to be envied.
khandu

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 12:52 PM

A random dip back into the Khandu MOAB archive (a haphazard process that must be done by searching on the post history of each individual) shows lots of references to Shatner and the Bush (Dubya) administration. Who knew back then that that wasn't the height of crazy? That people would crave the days of Baby Bush in contrast to the toxic excrement (not BS) extruded right now?

This works as a silly antidote/anecdote.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 01:55 PM

The connection between Krispy Kreme donuts and extraterrestrial life forms is well documented. If you visit a KK restaurant at two or three AM, half the "people" sitting there drinking coffee are space aliens. That's because humans who visit Kripy Kreme at that time of day/night are frequently in some altered state of consciousness which makes them highly susceptible to "alien abduction".

See, here's the thing about "alien abductions": Nobody actually gets abducted, but the aliens use their telepathic skills to make humans believe they've been abducted. It's just a way for ETs to relieve boredom while serving out their hitches observing the goings on of our puny species.

Oh, there used to be genuine alien abductions, but the ETs learned all they needed to know about our biology long ago. And they got tired of having to clean up beer barf after abducting humans who turned out to be drunker than expected. Telepathically induced "abductions" are just as much fun and far more sanitary.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 02:51 PM

Having colluded with many UFO experts and researchers the question remains where UFO driving freds come from. Space.com is currently suggesting they come from our future. To my way of thinking they can only come from our past (As Eienstien shows) which may have had sufficiently advanced technology and plenty of time to learn how to drive like maniacs but more safely. Look at all the crashes they had in the 40's and 50's. They hardly ever crash anymore. Either that or DWI UFO laws are more strict. If I were to admit to an instinct about these ufo driving maniacs I would guess they came from a prehistoric civilization that we now call India. Curiously the current drivers in India have a similar penchant for driving like idiots just like freds.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 02:56 PM

I hope I am not being stereotypically racist about these 'expert' drivers.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 03:05 PM

If they do not come from Earth's present, past or future, all bets are off. They would be Pennyless, Maryless and certainly Ruthless.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 03:13 PM

Many have reported that they do seem Tomless Dickless and Harryless.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 03:31 PM

Some of the documentation BWL references is recently in dispute.

Dr. Forester Horsemen has devoted his life to studying UFO hot spots like donut shops. He has concluded that freds organically produce LSD that cause them to view KK shops in particular to be Plastic Palaces of Pleasure. (sorry I spit) It will be their undoing however since fred metabolism is highly susceptible to diabetes.

It makes me think of War of the Worlds.

Dr. Horsemen is currently in the Deleware institute of LSD overdoses.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 04:00 PM

Hahahahahoooey did I say Deleware Institute of LSD Overdose? hahahahah
Well of course i meant (DIALOGUE) hahaha Delaware Institute about LSD Great Unusual Encounters HEEHeeheehahhahahahahhahahs
aaoaaaaaahhhhhhhhaaaaaaamckkghgurg hoohaw

[Come along Dr. Forester]

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 04:25 PM

Sorry about that. He got my phone.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 04:32 PM

He seems to have forgotten about the overdoses but at least he could spell Delaware. You should consider freds armed and dangerous.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: khandu
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 04:47 PM

Horsemen was whispered to be one of the Apocalypse Horsemen. Perhaps he is. H.L.Wigley was doing an expose of the sordid Horseman/Hillary affair. Days before publication, Wigley vanished, leaving none of his writings. No trace of him had been found.
I applaud Donuel, BeeDub, and Silly River! Your knowledge of freds, UFOs, and KK is unsurpassed. No, no, don't protest. You deserve it!


In fact, the three of you are the unspoken pride of Mudcat! Just last evening, I over heard Max and the Mudmen not saying a word about you three! Yes, yes, it is true!
Carry on, fine humans, carry on.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 05:32 PM

I picked this paraphrased bit of wisdom from Tim Dorsey's latest book, Naked Came the Florida Man:

The gist of modern politics is this: All you have to do to get beef cattle to vote for the guy who owns the slaughterhouse is convince them that it's dairy cattle who are the problem.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 05:49 PM

The mystery imposter host poster is a suspicious character who has moved near Club Aria 54 in Arizona for undisclosed reasons called keboroxu.
I know, it has a fred dialect doesn't it?

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 06:20 PM

Florida
New Jersey
Texas
Georgia
Maryland
Number 1 to #5 most stressed out States


Dairy cows have it soft don't they

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 07:47 PM

FYI: Stilly has to do with Stillaguamish, though I suppose there could have been moonshiners upstream way back when, with their stills. I know many family members made their own beer during Prohibition, but that doesn't require as much equipment. We leave the hard stuff to the NASCAR still operators in the hills and mountains of the SE.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 08:26 PM

Did steamboats run on it? If steamboats didn't run on it it's not a real river.

Ezekiel 1:4-21 refers to the freds, or at least all the biblical scholars so say.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 08:45 PM

Yes, and one of them was the flat-bottomed sternwheeler Preston that pulled deadheads out of the river to keep it navigable. It worked all up and down the west coast of the US (as part of the Army Corps of Engineers). Deadheads are the logs that broke out of log booms being floated down river from operations upstream, heading down to Puget Sound area mills. One end would sink and get stuck in the mud and the other end, under the surface, would impale unwitting boat operators. My cousin was the last captain of it before they retired it to a museum in Anacortes. Where Burl Ives lived until his death. (Unrelated, but there isn't a lot of Anacortes history to share, so I put both parts of it here to bulk up the post).

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Jan 20 - 09:20 PM

Moonshining is almost a dead vocation in much of the Southeast. In most states it's fairly easy to get a license and open a boutique distillery (the distilled spirits equivalent to a microbrewery). Old moonshiners grandchildren are making way more money selling peppermint vodka and the like to lawyers than grandpa ever did selling rotgut 'shine to farmers.

But Mom still prefers the 'shine.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Jan 20 - 07:16 AM

Prohibition was good for some like the Capones and Kennedys.
Old fashioned bootlegging and running the slots south of Chicago was Grandpa's solution to Prohibition. Thanks to Grandma who as a young prescient girl married a guy who up and ran away subsequently finding oil in Oklahoma, fortunatly shared some of it with Grandma. Between him and Frank the bootlegger she had time to prospect as a rock hound finding many rare fossils like the Eohippus and other gems.
Booze, silver dollars from the slots and oil were the sins of the family fortune.
That is why I relatively reject all three in my liftime.
But fossils are cool.

My wife's side of the family may have some fred hybrids which is a dillemma. -bad driving and all-

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jan 20 - 07:58 AM

I see: deadheads are planters. Both'll take out the bottom of your boat. Or they could become sawyers. Rafts and steamboats make it a real river, unlike, say, the Portneuf (but it does have some good trout fishing in the colder headwaters).

My grandfather's still is still now, residing in the Quincy Museum (a far fairer venue than it ever had in its younger days). It works fine, but I am bound by an oath of silence as to how I know.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 Jan 20 - 12:27 PM

I do hope that Fred the Scottish Gritter Lorry is exempt
from all this carrying on about [them].

After all, there's only one of Fred the Scottish Gritter Lorry.
You can see him at the snowplough/snowplow tracker website.
Fred is hard at work on the West Coast of Scotland
and he has got most of Ayrshire to himself,
because most of the other gritters
are busy with Glasgow, Edinburgh, Aberdeen, Inverness, and the like.
Where would the West of Scotland be, I ask you,
without Fred the Gritter?

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Jan 20 - 03:02 PM

Also excluded is King Ethelfred the Unready.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 21 Jan 20 - 04:43 PM

Donuel scores a Perfect 10 for Ethelfred.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Jan 20 - 07:04 PM

Okay, gang, let us review freds protocol from way back in Mom's early days:

1) The only time "freds" is capitalized is when it is the first word in a sentence. Otherwise, the "f" is always lower case.

2) Freds is both plural and singular. There is no such thing as "a fred". That is because of freds' hive mind. You talkin' to one freds, you talking to all of 'em. However, that does not mean freds don't have individual characteristics. Some freds like to eat Mississippians, some like donuts. Some say Mississippians and donuts both taste like chicken so, fuck it, just eat chicken.

3) Freds have no distinct genders. The correct pronouns with which to refer to freds are hesheit (nominative case), himherit (oblique/objective case), and hishersits (possessive). However some freds look decidedly male or female to human perception. Like this freds.

4) Individual freds often have human-sounding names, though the characteristics normally associated with those names when they are born by humans may not apply. For example, the freds in the photo above is named Bubba. And this freds' name is Winona Ryder.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jan 20 - 07:23 PM

If you would know what freds sound like, play the recording here.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Jan 20 - 08:04 PM

Yep my hive mind inlaws are part freds.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Jan 20 - 08:39 PM

Mind you, freds are only part, a very small part, of that recording.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Jan 20 - 09:34 PM

Having never read Earthly literature or grammer rules I will study these rules closely;
"3) Freds have no distinct genders. The correct pronouns with which to refer to freds are hesheit (nominative case), himherit (oblique/objective case), and hishersits (possessive). However some freds look decidedly male or female to human perception."

It may even help communication with my cross dressing son.

( I've noticed it takes about 4,000 years for a popular language to lose all need for pronouns like the Chinese.)

hmmm? Can one be a hybrid freds and not know it? Also do freds have unusually long lifespans.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Jan 20 - 09:34 PM

I dunno if freds is/are actually on that recording Rap posted the link to, but my old band, June Apple, comes in at about minute 25 for a two-tune medley.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Jan 20 - 09:39 AM

Florida Man Breaks Into Home to Suck Toes

BRADENTON, Fla. (WPMI) - According to the Bradenton Herald , a 20-year-old victim was awakened by a man sucking on his toes around 3:30 a.m. on Christmas Eve.

The Manatee County Sheriff’s Office say a toe-sucking burglar broke into a Bradenton home on Christmas Eve.

Deputies who responded to the residence were told that the victim was sleeping in his bedroom when he was awakened by the suspect sucking on his toes, according to an incident report.

The victim asked the suspect what he was doing and the suspect stated he was "there to suck toes,” according to the report.

Deputies say a fight erupted and the suspect attempted to grab the victim's genitals and then threatened the victim, saying he had a gun.

According to the report, the victim never saw a gun, and managed to force the suspect out of the home. The suspect then smashed out a window to the home and then smashed the victim’s car windshield.

Deputies attempted to track the suspect with a police dog but were unsuccessful. DNA swabs were taken from the victim’s toes, according to the report.



Boy, that Florida Man sure does get around, doesn't he?

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Jan 20 - 03:13 PM

Look at them toe suckers
ain't they neat
sittin there sucking them
big toe feet

Suckin them stinkers
suckin them good
suckin all ten
like you knew they would

How to be a toe sucker
ain't nuthin to it
jus open wide
rare back an do it

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 20 - 09:57 PM

In Idaho a toesucker is a fish. Not a nice fish like a cutthroat, but a rather trashy fish that is an invasive species from Florida.

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Jan 20 - 11:12 PM

This is readable on Instagram, but the friend who shared it has a private account, so I copied and pushed it to Flickr where you can barely make it out. If you're on Instagram and want to look for me to follow I can send it and you will read the most bizarre story you've seen for a while. (My name run together but three "r"s on the end instead of one.)

Subject: RE: MOAB - Mother of All BS [annex]
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Jan 20 - 11:51 PM

Another episode in the adventures of Florida Man!


Florida Man Crashes Truck Into Bar to Steal Dr. Pepper

PANAMA CITY, Fla. — A Florida man was arrested after he crashed his vehicle into a bar to steal a Dr. Pepper, deputies told WMBB.

Gavin Lee, 28, is charged with armed burglary.

Bay County deputies were called to the Re-Rack Bar in Panama City on Friday morning after a reported burglary.

Lee attempted to get into the business even though it was closed, deputies said. When he couldn’t get in, he allegedly drove his truck through the front glass and went in.

Once inside the bar, Lee got a Dr. Pepper from the cooler, sat at a table in the bar and proceeded to enjoy the beverage, deputies said.

Deputies said Lee had a gun in his pocket during the burglary.


In contrast to the zany antics of Florida Man, Idaho Man seems to only commit serious crimes. Perhaps it's because we have more, better, and stronger drugs in Florida.