Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafesj

Post to this Thread - Printer Friendly - Home
Page: [1] [2]


BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)

meself 24 Sep 19 - 01:35 PM
punkfolkrocker 24 Sep 19 - 02:17 PM
Jim Carroll 24 Sep 19 - 02:46 PM
Mrrzy 24 Sep 19 - 03:44 PM
Jeri 24 Sep 19 - 04:32 PM
meself 24 Sep 19 - 05:19 PM
gillymor 24 Sep 19 - 05:43 PM
meself 24 Sep 19 - 06:41 PM
Donuel 24 Sep 19 - 08:27 PM
Steve Shaw 24 Sep 19 - 08:49 PM
meself 24 Sep 19 - 11:07 PM
Stilly River Sage 24 Sep 19 - 11:25 PM
lefthanded guitar 25 Sep 19 - 01:19 AM
meself 25 Sep 19 - 01:33 AM
Helen 25 Sep 19 - 01:35 AM
lefthanded guitar 25 Sep 19 - 02:58 AM
Jim Carroll 25 Sep 19 - 03:39 AM
Steve Shaw 25 Sep 19 - 09:44 AM
Mrrzy 25 Sep 19 - 10:05 AM
meself 25 Sep 19 - 11:13 AM
Mrrzy 25 Sep 19 - 12:40 PM
meself 25 Sep 19 - 03:16 PM
Helen 25 Sep 19 - 04:00 PM
Steve Shaw 25 Sep 19 - 04:14 PM
Backwoodsman 25 Sep 19 - 04:21 PM
meself 25 Sep 19 - 04:49 PM
Ebbie 26 Sep 19 - 03:23 AM
Donuel 26 Sep 19 - 11:39 AM
Helen 26 Sep 19 - 04:13 PM
Donuel 26 Sep 19 - 04:51 PM
Raedwulf 26 Sep 19 - 05:39 PM
Helen 26 Sep 19 - 06:07 PM
Donuel 26 Sep 19 - 09:59 PM
Jim Carroll 27 Sep 19 - 02:47 AM
meself 27 Sep 19 - 11:51 AM
Mrrzy 27 Sep 19 - 01:05 PM
meself 27 Sep 19 - 03:35 PM
Helen 27 Sep 19 - 04:50 PM
Dave the Gnome 28 Sep 19 - 04:25 AM
Helen 28 Sep 19 - 05:21 AM
Steve Shaw 28 Sep 19 - 05:51 AM
Mrrzy 28 Sep 19 - 09:40 AM
Jeri 28 Sep 19 - 10:16 AM
Tattie Bogle 28 Sep 19 - 11:02 AM
Ebbie 28 Sep 19 - 11:32 PM
Big Al Whittle 29 Sep 19 - 02:54 AM
Dave the Gnome 29 Sep 19 - 02:58 AM
Donuel 29 Sep 19 - 10:39 AM
Mrrzy 29 Sep 19 - 11:07 AM
meself 29 Sep 19 - 11:09 AM

Share Thread
more
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:













Subject: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: meself
Date: 24 Sep 19 - 01:35 PM

Just wondering ... I'm a few years into my sixties, and I know a lot of you are ahead of me on that score as on many another. Anyway, the last couple years or so, I find myself more and more often recalling things I regret having said and done, or not having said and done - I don't mean wishing I'd travelled more or studied IT, but things that no doubt hurt other people, e.g., some stupid judgemental comment I made one day when I was fifteen years old.

I don't see this as a problem particularly - I'm not going into a depression or anything - so I'm not looking for advice. I'm just curious as to whether this is a common phenomenon with age, or if it's just me.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 24 Sep 19 - 02:17 PM

AS one of the younger mudcatters.. I'm only 60.. a mere brat...

It's not so much any bad things I did,
as the much worse bad things I didn't do, and wish I had,
that sometimes niggle at me...

The not fighting back and hurting other folks who betrayed and hurt me first kinda thing..

It's a bit of a bugger being a lifelong pacifist and reasonable 'not stooping to their level' sort of bloke,
who gains much pleasurable vicarious entertainment from violent revenge and vigelante movies...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 24 Sep 19 - 02:46 PM

Stop worrying about irate parents looking for you - they're probably all dead :-)
Jim


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Sep 19 - 03:44 PM

I still sometimes try to google the people who tortured me the year we were in the States, just to ask if they remember me and if so, have they any regrets. I never find them.
On the other hand I had terrible guilt from that year for teasing one kid once, and a few years ago they found me, and I was able to apologize profusely, which made me feel a lot better. Tirns out they didn't even remember the incident!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Jeri
Date: 24 Sep 19 - 04:32 PM

I dunno.
Regrets, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention.

Seriously, it's too late to start over, so I guess one just has to make the best of what they have now.
(And the not starting over part also means it's easier to make irreversible, really bad mistakes.)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: meself
Date: 24 Sep 19 - 05:19 PM

No one is actually addressing the question, though ,,..


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: gillymor
Date: 24 Sep 19 - 05:43 PM

Stay busy with something or some things you are passionate about to keep away the blue meanies and if that doesn't work get professional help.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: meself
Date: 24 Sep 19 - 06:41 PM

I know the concern and advice is coming from a good place, but, to quote myself: "I don't see this as a problem particularly - I'm not going into a depression or anything - so I'm not looking for advice".


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Sep 19 - 08:27 PM

meself, I remember thinking of the past that way in my forties.
Now, I mostly concentrate on the now, which I can improve.



gillymor for surgeon general 2020


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 24 Sep 19 - 08:49 PM

I didn't have anywhere near enough sex because the priests at my school brainwashed me into thinking that even the fleeting thought of a girl's nipples would consign me to an eternity in hell. Racism directed towards the Indian and Pakistani communities in Bolton, where I went to school, was de rigeur, never questioned nor challenged, even by those priests. At primary school we were taught to be bigoted against the "proddydog" kids at the school down the road. Gay people were pooftahs, queers, lezzies and freddies. We smoked untipped fags and got pissed underage*. I've had to fight my way out of all that so I don't want to be the young me again. Try to enjoy what I am now and carpe diem is what I tell meself.

*Though I've never used an illegal substance in my life (apart from that underage booze). I'm not all bad then...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: meself
Date: 24 Sep 19 - 11:07 PM

But, do you find yourself recalling that stuff any more now than you ever did? I don't mean beating yourself up over it, but just having it come into your head, and thinking about it for a minute or two.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 Sep 19 - 11:25 PM

meself, scientists tell us that in order to keep some memories for a long time we access them so often that we usually change the details of the events. And that every single person has their own view of events, so as someone noted, an event the first person felt bad about the second person didn't even remember. I think I've let go of most of those things that used to bug me, but they're in the back of my mind and if an occasion arises to discuss it with the party in question, I might.

Meanwhile, it's all fodder for creative purposes, poems, songs, stories, screenplays . . .

When the writer Pat Conroy was sitting at his dying mother's bedside, she remarked to him that she was concerned that anything they might be talking about would end up in one of his plays or novels. (It later did.)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: lefthanded guitar
Date: 25 Sep 19 - 01:19 AM

I think it's a depressing question, although commonly asked of folks that are perceived as 'older' . Most people have some regrets - but why focus on that which is rued but can't be changed? What's the point of dwelling on this? Especially now - are you planning to enter your senior years cloaked in regrets?

If you want to ask an older person a philosophical question, I 'd suggest
asking what they're proud of, what are the sources of their happiness today,
or what challenge did they meet and rise above, especially ones they never thought
they could do when they were young.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: meself
Date: 25 Sep 19 - 01:33 AM

... um ... what exactly is a depressing question?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Helen
Date: 25 Sep 19 - 01:35 AM

Yes, meself, I find myself doing exactly that at the oddest moments and having done a lot of things I regret I sometimes wish I could delete those memories just like I can delete a file on my computer.

One thought I get is that when I am older (than my current mid-60's) and if I get dementia will I start rabbiting on to complete strangers about all this stuff in my head.

On the other hand, if I hadn't taken some risks in life I would have regretted that too. And some of my life choices have been good for me.

Some of my regrets are based on my younger self's fears and lack of understanding of the "big picture" of life, which I gained as I got older. Looking back from this perspective I could have told my younger self to have more faith in the way that life can work out if I could just stop worrying so much about everything. Now, I just trust in my own capabilities to see more clearly and to make rational and reasoned decisions - most of the time. LOL

In my last job, I had to make rational and reasoned decisions based on the policies and procedures and be able to stand by my judgement if someone challenged me on those decisions. As long as I could come up with a good rationale for the decisions, the managers left me to get on with it. I like that idea in my personal life too. No one else will make the same choices as me because we are all unique human beings, but my goal is to see as clearly as possible and make rational choices based on what I see.

Someone somewhere/somewhen once told me that life learning is like an upward spiral. You go through similar experiences in life until you learn what you need to learn but each time you experience something similar you come at it with a slightly more aware perspective. Assuming that you learn by experience, of course.

You are not on your Pat Malone on this one.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: lefthanded guitar
Date: 25 Sep 19 - 02:58 AM

Asking people what their regrets are is the question that I think is
depressing, meself. That question was more implied than asked directly - but I
understand you were asking if this mood if ruefulness is common to getting older, or is it just you. I don't see it as a common experience to getting older from my observations.

In fact, it can often be the reverse; as you get older, you value the positives in life more than before. You should dwell less on what went wrong than what goes right.

They said, perhaps what you are experiencing is the realization that you don't ' know it all' the way you ( thought you ) did when you were younger. You are able to see the shades of gray of a world you once reduced to black and white, a world of easy answers.This awareness usually starts in your 40s btw, But if what you're doing is replacing the arrogance ( and naïveté ) of youthful surety with an ability to see and question the complexities of human interaction - then that is a sign of maturity and wisdom imho.

There's a line from a pop song that goes 'the more I know, the less I understand' Perhaps that's what you are talking about.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 25 Sep 19 - 03:39 AM

I didn't spend enough time with my father, who had an incredible history of courage and dedication to humanity, which I didn't begin to find out about until I met some of his comrades at his funeral, when he was suddenly killed in a road accident
Not long before he died, an accident he had at work brought about a stroke which affected his speech slightly
In order to correct it he borrowed my newly acquired tape recorded and recounted his life - as an anti-recruitment campaigner against the Black-and Tans who were being shipped from Liverpool to Ireland - volunteering to fight in Spain, where he was wounded and captured, returning to be criminalised by MI5 as a "premature anti fascist, and being forced to leav home to seek work for ten years
He recorded all this - and immediately wiped it as he thought nobody would be interested
He died before I could get him to repeat it
There is hardly a day passes now that I don't remember him with pride - and regret for not having known him better
Jim Carroll


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 25 Sep 19 - 09:44 AM

"One thought I get is that when I am older (than my current mid-60's) and if I get dementia will I start rabbiting on to complete strangers about all this stuff in my head."

Me too. There was that naked game of pinball at college...Damn...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Sep 19 - 10:05 AM

Um, not quite scientists tell us that in order to keep some memories for a long time we access them so often that we usually change the details of the events . What we say is, there is no "accessing" but only re-creation, and *every* such creation involves changing the info you feel you are accessing.

Memory is a process rather than a photograph. A painting that is repainted whenever you try to look at it.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: meself
Date: 25 Sep 19 - 11:13 AM

What I wrote: "I'm just curious as to whether this is a common phenomenon with age, or if it's just me."

I did not intend that to imply that I wanted to hear about people's specific regrets - my apologies for not being clearer.

And "the phenomenon" I'm talking about is not so much a "mood of ruefulness" as much as regrets in the form of memories (however one understands memory) rising unbidden to the conscious mind, moreso with age. And I'm not talking about "dwelling" on them, or dealing with them one way or another philosophically, just the fact of their manifestation.

I think I can already conclude that this is not a common phenomenon, given that almost no one here seems to get what I'm talking about. Thanks everyone for giving it a shot!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Sep 19 - 12:40 PM

I think we *are* showing it's a commoon phenomenon.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: meself
Date: 25 Sep 19 - 03:16 PM

I don't think so. If it were a common phenomenon, wouldn't people be saying something like, "When I was in my late 50s/mid-60s/early 70s, I realized that for several months I had been confronted a few times a day, out of the blue, with memories of things I regretted?"

Rather, there is a lot of, "When I past the first blush of youth, I had a spell of self-reflection, and realized that I had made some mistakes. However, I had corrected my attitudes, so since then I have focussed on the positive, and everything's cool." That's all well and good, but it's not what I'm talking about.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Helen
Date: 25 Sep 19 - 04:00 PM

Slightly off topic but by sheer coincidence (or synchronicity) I watched a re-run of a real-life medical show on Oz TV this week about a young man who was experiencing vivid flashbacks of memory of an old event from his childhood. With each flashback he was getting more and more of the memories including visuals, smells, sounds etc.

The interesting thing was that he had a tumour in his brain which was in the region of memory and as the tumour grew it was putting more pressure on his brain in that area. When the tumour was removed he said that he had stopped having the flashbacks.

For me, the interesting thing is that a specific memory could be associated with a specific area of the brain. It makes me wonder how similar to a hard drive our brain is for storing memory. If a specific spot on the hard drive has been nibbled by a rat, then that bit of memory is corrupted. How similar is the memory storage in our brains?

But, back to the topic. I think, meself, that you are not alone. I think it is a common phenomenon to suddenly have an event from the past pop up in your head, and the older you get the more memories you have, so the more possible memories can pop up.

The memory which pops up might not be random. It might be triggered by a sight, a sound or a smell, or a similar situation. As an example, I dreamt a crazy dream last week and wondered where that came from, but I worked out that it was triggered by an item in my kitchen which was left behind in my back yard - at a different house - over 30 years ago by a would be robber. I had picked up that item with no thoughts about its origins but my subconscious dredged up a crazy invented story relating to that past event because I had randomly used the item earlier that day.

Humans are complicated beasts. That's what makes life interesting, I suppose.


Steve Shaw, very funny.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 25 Sep 19 - 04:14 PM

My wife might not think so if I chunter it out in a few years' time in a moment of senile madness...

Anyway, cheers, Helen!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 25 Sep 19 - 04:21 PM

I’m early-70s, and over the past few years (I guess since I retired) I’ve found myself thinking more and more about people I treated badly when I was younger and, as most left my area, wondering where they are. I search for them on social media, hoping to make contact - I think in the desire to somehow ‘make amends’ - with little success.

So yes, I do have regrets which I reflect on far more now than I used to, and I do think it’s an ‘age’ thing.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: meself
Date: 25 Sep 19 - 04:49 PM

Ah, thank you, Backwoodsman!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Ebbie
Date: 26 Sep 19 - 03:23 AM

They say that the key to a happy old age is a bad memory. :)

I will be 84 in a couple of months and and I'm finding that lately I have a lively sense of my mortality, quite naturally, I think, given all the people I have lost in recent years. But the more I think on it, the more comfortable I have become with the notion.

Some time ago I learned that I can forgive anything that I can truly understand. Thus, if I now understand the hurtful and cringeworthy, and just plain dumb things I have done in the past, I can forgive them. I'm still working on some of them. :)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Sep 19 - 11:39 AM

imo a full life will naturally recollect cringe worthy moments from time to time. A living hell might be a constant unrelentant cringe, however there is an honorable quality for taking respondsibility.

It is said McNamara had regrets over Viet Nam as he wandered about DC in his final days. I don't think a narcissistic con man would ever have such thoughts except for missing an opportunity for revenge.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Helen
Date: 26 Sep 19 - 04:13 PM

Ebbie, I can relate to what you said and I think I have been living by that concept for a few decades:

"Some time ago I learned that I can forgive anything that I can truly understand."

I don't even think I have to completely understand. Even a partial understanding helps.

And Donuel, I think you have hit the nail on the head about the honourable quality for taking responsibility compared with the responses of narcissists and/or sociopaths. People who take responsibility probably lose sleep at times over what they could have done better or differently to improve a situation or relationship but narcissists & sociopaths probably sleep like a baby because they don't care about other people. IMHO. (I've worked with a few over the years. I'm happy that I'm now retired and out of that loop.)

My go-to resource for understanding serial bullies

So the message here seems to be if we have regrets and care about the consequences of our actions then we can learn from the situation and hopefully be better human beings.

Those pop up memories and regrets could be a neurological phenomenon which is possibly more prevalent as we age. It might even be physiological (see my reference to the workings of the brain as shown in the TV show), but it could be also a psychological, emotional and or spiritual process to help us to work towards being better people.

This thread is timely for me, because it was only a couple of weeks ago that another memory popped up in my head and I started trying to work out why now, why that particular memory, how do I deal with it, what does it mean to me and all the associated feelings relating to that situation that I was recalling.

Thanks meself for starting this thread.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Sep 19 - 04:51 PM

Helen is the Mudcat Medical authority and knows her stuff.
Dr. Oz is a US medical show that is looked down upon by the NIH.

It has been theorized that memory is stored in the brain holographically in multiple areas. Stimulation at one of those areas could still cause flashbacks. If I recall there is a general switching station at the thalamus where memory and response are stored. These computational accounts of interactions among cortico-basalganglio-thalamic loops near the brainstem can be damaged causing memory loss of short term and/or long term memory.
There are also chemicals that will erase memory. I used to know what it was. :^/

Some memories are more stable than others. All I can say is that memory is a fluid thing.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Raedwulf
Date: 26 Sep 19 - 05:39 PM

I really am a brat then, pfr, being as I'm only pushing 50... From the wrong side, admittedly! No, there's nothing I regret. One reason is that much of what I've ever said or done has been a response to whatever.

But, mostly, I did or said what I felt was right at the time, just as I do now. Would I do now what I did then? Often, no; I've learnt better ways of dealing with things (yet sometimes, I still revert because it seems right!). How did I learn better? By doing other things first; if I wouldn't repeat them, I don't regret them either.

When all is said & done, all you can do, and all you can be, is be true to yourself. I've been here, on & mostly off, for nearly 20 years, I discovered earlier today. Mudcat was something that taught me quite a lot about how to deal with a bunch of random pixels over the net. I mostly wouldn't post now the same way I did back in my early days here on controversial topics. I learnt that I'd rather get my point across than post something clever & snippy that simply got up someone's nose. However good that might have felt, I realised that I'd rather be understood & disagreed with than be chucking napalm around just because I was sure I was right! If you see what I mean... ;-)

A lady friend back in '05 described me as decent & honourable. She's right. It's my sense of honour, and my sense of decency. But whilst I feel I'm capable of being ruthless, capable of deliberately hurting people, I can't recall when I ever felt the need to do either, let alone actually did. I know there's a cost with that, and the price has never seemed worth paying. I try to do what I think is right & proper. I try to deal with people as I feel they deserve. One motto of my life has always been "Give what you get & add 10% interest". If someone is nice, you're nicer back; if someone is nasty... In my case, they've always given up pretty quickly; I can be pretty nasty if I must! It's an imperfect philosophy, but it's worked pretty well for me.

I'm human, so I'm imperfect, but I've tried the best I can to be the best me that I can. Whatever I am now is the current incomplete sum of whatever I've been. Incomplete, because the equation is still running... If I hadn't been me then, I wouldn't be me now. And I'm not too unhappy with who I am. When my Dear Old Dead Dad was in his last illness, and we were all spending what time we could with him (& he knew he was on the way out too), I remember asking him "Would you change anything?"

He stared into space for a few seconds, then said "I wouldn't bother with the smoking next time". And that rather sums up how I feel. You are the result of everything you were. You can't change any of it, so why regret it? I guess if you wilfully & maliciously did "X" and knew you were doing it deliberately, you'd have something to regret. But for Dad, for me, regret isn't the right word. I don't behave the same way I did 30, 40 year ago. I've learnt other ways of approaching things and, like most, I'll always choose what I feel is the best path.

But the paths I walk now, I've found only because of the paths I walked then... Regret is the wrong word.

(And yes, having proof read thoroughly, I do realise this sounds nauseatingly twee & saccharine, but... meself was asking for honest responses, not advice, so I've done the best I could!)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Helen
Date: 26 Sep 19 - 06:07 PM

Donuel, I'm not sure if you thought the medical show I was watching was Dr Oz. It was one of those medical shows which have the surgeons operating in graphic detail. (Don't ask me why but I like those shows.)

I live in Oz, i.e. Australia. :-)

Raedwulf, thanks for your interesting post. Definitely not nauseatingly twee & saccharine. Very enlightening and I can relate to a lot of what you said.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Donuel
Date: 26 Sep 19 - 09:59 PM

ha ha
Yeah Dr. Oz is a hack but then again, not being even slightly omnicient, so am I.

My memory has always been suspect, I should have remembered you are from down under. 20 years here should have been enough to recall.
Sorry Ellen :^)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 27 Sep 19 - 02:47 AM

My favourite quote about ageing
"I wish I was young enough to do all the enjoyable things I did when I was younger, and sensible enough not to do the stupid things again"

Or the thing the great séan nós singer, Joe Heaney told us late one Saturday in a scruffy cafe at Euston Station shortly before he died:
"These days it takes me all night to do what I used to do all night"
Jim Caarroll


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: meself
Date: 27 Sep 19 - 11:51 AM

"Those pop up memories and regrets could be a neurological phenomenon which is possibly more prevalent as we age."

That is actually a possibility that I was wondering about, and that's why I asked if others were experiencing or had experienced the same thing. Based on the straw-poll of this thread, it does not seem common; certainly not universal - only a couple of others seem to be familiar with what I'm talking about.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Sep 19 - 01:05 PM

I didn't used to want to look up my torturers. I was unclear in my post.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: meself
Date: 27 Sep 19 - 03:35 PM

But did you decide to start looking them up because the unpleasant memories were popping into your head more often, willy-nilly, or because you were consciously reflecting back on your life (or, of course, both)?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Helen
Date: 27 Sep 19 - 04:50 PM

Some of the memories which pop up the most for me relate to having been the target of bullying or harassment or power plays by other people. So I felt powerless in those situations until I worked out some strategies to deal with them, but there were a couple of situations which were never resolved, satisfactorily or otherwise. They tend to haunt me if I get caught up in the mental tying-myself-in-knots of "what ifs".

They are regrets because I feel like I should have been able to deal better with the situation, but one particular bully/sociopath was so slippery that I could never gather enough evidence about her to call her out and get management to deal with her. She also has a trick of ingratiating herself with managers and supervisors so they thought she was their friend and that I was just an annoying troublemaker. Well, I was, but only ever for a good cause.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 28 Sep 19 - 04:25 AM

Regrets? I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention...

See. It's a song thread now!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Helen
Date: 28 Sep 19 - 05:21 AM

Yes, but Jeri beat you to it by 4 days, Dave the G.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 28 Sep 19 - 05:51 AM

Je ne regrette next to rien. Ish.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Sep 19 - 09:40 AM

Now it's a music thread.

No, not consciously, I would not normally want to think of them at all.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Jeri
Date: 28 Sep 19 - 10:16 AM

One thing that happens is that, as I age, patterns I've followed become more obvious. I think it's necessary for survival is to realize I can quit beating myself up about ones I think are negative. I only wish I'd had help dealing with them when I was younger. Mostly, these are ADHD related, and there are more and better ways to deal these days...which nobody much cares about when you aren't a child.

I think Ebbie got to the most important thing: forgiving yourself.
We all have done some not-so-good things we can't undo. Regret is pretty useless, but understanding and forgiving can at least allow us to let those things go.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 28 Sep 19 - 11:02 AM

I can think of a few things that I regret, and some of those do suddenly pop up again inexplicably, out of the blue, to haunt me again: not sure that I can really say it's an increasing tendency with age though (and I am older than you, meself).
On the whole I have managed to rationalise and come to terms with these incidents to myself, or friends have helped, e.g."It's not you that's got the problem, it's that other person". And, of course, you can't turn the clock back and re-wind these events.What's done, is done.
If I were to put a song to it, it would have to be:
"I'm just a girl whose intentions are good,
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood".


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Ebbie
Date: 28 Sep 19 - 11:32 PM

Tattie Bogle, I once read that we judge other people by their actions while we judge ourselves by out intentions. I don't know if that is true, in general. Specifically, I tend to think that when I understand another's actions, they are in the same category as I.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 29 Sep 19 - 02:54 AM

James Joyce called it 'agenbite of inwit'.

That microsecond sharpness of recollection, doubled in intensity because its so near and intimate to our inner core. It leaves us reeling.

Its just one more aspect of being alive that we have to put up with. goes with the territory,   I'm afraid.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 29 Sep 19 - 02:58 AM

Damn you Jeri and Helen. I regret posting that now ;-)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Sep 19 - 10:39 AM

Taking a straw poll on social media probably only measures honesty and dishonesty, not universal experience


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: Mrrzy
Date: 29 Sep 19 - 11:07 AM

As I age I find I give fewer and fewer fucks, mostly. There is a great cartoon about that... Behold the field in which I grow my fucks, and see that it is barren.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
From: meself
Date: 29 Sep 19 - 11:09 AM

Okaaaa-aaay .......


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate


Next Page

 


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.



Mudcat time: 20 October 8:47 PM EDT

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 1998 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation, Inc. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.